What…where am I?

Voices. I hear voices. Men's voices. They sound so far away, like they're at the other end of a tunnel.

"…had a terrible shock."

I don't exactly recognize that voice, but it's vaguely familiar.

"Is she going to be all right?"

Samuel.

"Physically, she'll be all right, but emotionally is another story. In her condition, she shouldn't be left alone right now."

"Don't worry. I'm not going to leave her."

"Give her one of these every six hours if she has difficulty sleeping tonight. I'll call later to see how she's doing."

"Thank you for coming over, Doctor."

"No problem, Professor Oak. Please give Mrs. Ketchum my condolences when she wakes up. Ash was one of my patients, too."

I hear footsteps, then the sound of someone going down the stairs. The front door opens then shuts again. Footsteps again, this time someone coming back up the stairs. The footsteps grow louder – now someone's standing next to me. He or she gently touches my hair, then spreads a blanket on top of me.

I'm in bed. How did I get here? What am I doing here? And who's with me? What's going on?

Frightened, I attempt to open my eyes. Everything's blurry at first, but slowly the white lace curtains on my bedroom window come into focus.

I'm in my room, I realize. But I'm confused as to what's going on.

"Delia?" Samuel, who's sitting in the chair next to my bed, leans over and gently takes my hand in his. "How do you feel?"

"I…what's going on?" I mumble.

Samuel bites his lip anxiously. "Delia, do you remember the phone call from Officer Jenny?"

Officer Jenny? Then I remember.

Ash.

As my eyes fill with tears again, I slowly nod.

"Ash…he's…the ship…"

"Yes," Samuel replies as he clutches my hand.

"No…oh no…." Sobbing, I roll over and bury my face in my pillow while Samuel lightly strokes my back. I cry until I can't cry anymore, then I close my eyes and sink into darkness once more.

---

When I awake again, the room is dark. It's nighttime.

I feel so tired, so sick. All I want to do is forget everything. To disappear into oblivion once more and stay there forever.

"Delia," a familiar voice whispers softly. "I'm here."

"Samuel," I whisper back as he reaches for my hand.

"Delia, do you feel like eating anything?" he asks as he brushes a strand of hair out of my face. "I know you probably don't, but do you think you could handle some hot tea? You'll feel a bit better if you have something in your stomach."

I slowly shake my head. I don't want to eat anything. All I want to do is die. To be with my child again.

Then I notice the bottle sitting on the table next to my bed.

"They're sedatives," Samuel explains as he notices my glance in that direction. "The doctor was here earlier."

"Doctor?"

"You fainted. I was worried about you." He lays a palm on my forehead. "You're chilled." He reaches over and pulls the bedspread on top of me.

I continue to stare at the pill bottle. And then I know a way to forget the pain. I reach over in the direction of the bottle, but Samuel picks it up out of my reach.

"Do you need one?" he asks.

"Leave the bottle, I'll manage," I reply, trying to sound as innocent as possible. "I'll take them if I need to."

Samuel gives me an odd look and then I realize that he knows exactly what I'm thinking.

"I'll leave you one," he says as he opens the bottle and places one white pill on the table. "I don't trust you with these."

I give him a dirty look.

"No, Delia," he says as he pockets the pill bottle. "I'm not going to let you kill yourself. I know that's what you feel like doing right now, but I'm not going to let you. I care about you too much."

The tears start again. "Please," I plead. "Let me die. Let me be with Ash."

"Delia, I understand your feelings, but hurting yourself won't bring Ash back."

"How can you understand how I feel?" I lash out at him.

"Because I've lost a son, too," he replies. "I know what it's like to lose your only child. And I know from my own experience that the pain is so terrible that you want to die." He pushes back the sleeve of his lab coat to reveal a two-inch long scar on his left wrist. "And I nearly did."

I stare at his wrist in disbelief. "You…you tried to kill yourself?"

"Yes," he nods as he pulls the sleeve of his lab coat back down. "The day after my son and his wife died in that car wreck, I went down to the lab, found a scalpel, and slit my wrist."

I gasp in horror. "I…I had no idea you…that you…"

"One of my lab assistants found me. You remember Spencer Hale, don't you?"

"Spencer? He was the one who found you?"

"Yes. When we got back from the emergency room, I made up some story about being careless and getting cut by a wild Sandslash. I then swore Spencer to secrecy."

"You lied about it? Why?"

"Because when I saw the blood pouring out of my arm, only then did I realize what a stupid, selfish thing I had done. And I was ashamed."

"Why?"

"Because I realized that if I did kill myself, then there would be no one to take care of May and Gary. They were my responsibility now, and I had blown it. I was so caught up in my own grief that I wasn't thinking about them. And I'm still ashamed about that, even today."

I look into his eyes and see a pain that I'd never known existed. Embarrassed, he averts his eyes.

"And now you and Spencer are the only other people in this world who know the truth about what happened that day. I never told May or Gary about what I did."

My heart aches for him, but it aches even more for Ash. "But at least you have your grandchildren," I wail. "I don't have anyone now. No husband, no child, no relatives, no one. I'm all alone now. No one will miss me if I kill myself."

"But I would," Samuel says as he reaches for my hand once more. "I would."

Oh God, this is all too much -- first Ash, then Samuel saying that he loves me. I can't deal with all this.

"Samuel, I…" I can't continue as I break down once more. It's just all too much.

To be continued…