After my shower, I head downstairs. I deliberately avoid Ash's room. I'm not ready for that. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go into my son's room again. But right now, I can't think about that.

Downstairs, there are bouquets of flowers at the door, dishes of food from neighbors and friends sitting on the kitchen table, sympathy cards lying on the coffee table. I find a sheet of paper and begin making a list of all the people who have sent me something so that I can mail thank-you notes later. After I complete my list, I notice that the kitchen is filthy. Samuel, in his attempt to make breakfast, has left dirty dishes piled in the sink, crumbs all over the counter, and there are food stains on the floor. I put on an apron, grab a mop, and throw myself into my housework. I enjoy cleaning the house – it gives me a sense of accomplishment and today, it keeps me from thinking about everything that's happened.

Or at least until I find one of Ash's toy Pokémon hidden in one of the cushions on the couch. Then I lose it again. Clutching the little plastic Kangaskhan in my hand, I start sobbing. Samuel, who by now has awakened from his nap, comes downstairs a couple of minutes later and finds me weeping on the couch.

"Oh, Delia," he says sympathetically as he sits down on the couch next to me and takes me into his arms.

I unclench my fist and show him the toy. "Look. A mama and her baby." Then I start crying uncontrollably once more.

---

Still clutching the plastic toy, I awake an hour later to the smell of something cooking -- it smells like lasagna or spaghetti. I open my eyes and see Samuel sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of eating something. Rubbing my itchy eyes, I slowly get up from the couch. I slip the figurine of the mother Pokémon and her child in my pocket and wander into the kitchen.

"How do you feel?" Samuel asks as he offers me a forkful of his lasagna. "Mrs. Farmington brought it over while you were asleep. It's still warm."

I take a bite and realize that I haven't really had much of anything to eat since this morning. "Pretty good. I'll have to send her a thank-you note." I move aside some of the other dishes crowding the table and sit down. "There's so much food here that I don't know what I'm going to do with it all."

Samuel scoops out a portion of the lasagna and hands me a plateful. "That's because everyone in Pallet Town cares about you, Delia. Just like I do."

"Thank you," I reply as I take the plate of food from him. "And thank you for everything. I'm sorry to be such a burden. I've taken you away from your lab, your research."

"Don't ever think that, Delia," Samuel assures me as he leans over and reaches for my hand. "Don't ever be afraid to ask me for help. I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you," I reply, overcome by emotion. "I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't been here."

"That's what I'm here for," Samuel says as he squeezes my hand. "Now why don't you have something to eat? Your food's getting cold."

The food gives me new strength – the strength I need to start getting my life back into order.

"Thanks for helping me with the dishes, Samuel," I tell him after dinner as I take off my apron and toss it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "I think everything's under control now…including me. Why don't you go home now? I'm sure your Pokémon miss you."

"Delia, are you sure? Like I said, I'll stay here with you as long as you need me."

"I know. But I think I'll be all right now."

"I don't know, Delia. Do you think you'll be all right by yourself tonight?"

"I think so. Besides, you need to get back to your place. I'm sure you must be eager to get cleaned up and shave."

"Well, if you're sure," he says reluctantly as he heads for the front door.

"I'll be okay," I assure him as I open the door.

"I'll call you later to see how you're doing," he says as he gently touches my cheek. "And don't hesitate to call me – no matter what the time – if you need anything."

"Thank you," I reply as I step back into the house and shut the door.

Ever since Ash left on his Pokémon journey a couple of months ago, it's taken me a while to get used to having a quiet house. At first, the silence nearly drove me mad, but since then I've started to embrace my solitude and even enjoy it.

Until now. Now the silence is depressing. Just knowing that this house is going to stay quiet forever – to never hear Ash scrambling down the stairs once more, to never hear him tear through the house shouting at the top of his lungs…

I've got to get my mind off of this. If I don't, I'm going to go mad. I turn on the TV and for a while I lose myself in a program – until a commercial with a mother taking care of her son's scraped knee comes on.

The tears start again. "Oh, Ash…"

I jump up and shut off the TV. I can't take this.

Just then, a knock at the door makes me jump. Figuring it's another neighbor stopping by with flowers or food, I quickly wipe my eyes and try to make myself presentable as I open the door.

"Samuel? What are you doing back here?" I exclaim at the sight of my now cleaned-up and shaven next-door neighbor.

"Delia, I've been thinking about it, and I don't think you should be alone tonight," he says as he notices my bloodshot eyes. "After what happened this morning, I don't want to take any chances."

"Samuel, the only reason I passed out this morning was because I hadn't eaten anything. I'm okay now."

"Still, it would make me feel better knowing for sure that you were all right. But you're not, are you?"

I shake my head. Secretly, I'm grateful that he came back. "It's just…it's too quiet."

"I'll sleep down here on the couch," he says as he unfolds the quilt on the back of the sofa.

"Oh no, not with your bad back. There's an extra bed in Ash's…" I cover my mouth with my hand. I still can't get used to the idea that my son is never coming home again.

"Like I said, I'll sleep on the couch. If you need anything – anything at all - come wake me up, all right?"

"Samuel, I appreciate this, but you really don't have to…"

"I want to do this, Delia." He fluffs one of the throw pillows. "There. That should make a comfortable bed. Now why don't you try to get some sleep? You need to get some rest."

"Seems as if all I've done is sleep the last twenty-four hours. I'm not sure I'll be able to."

"Do you need one of those sedatives?" He reaches into his pocket. "I still have the bottle if you need one."

I reach for the bottle to read the label, but he pulls it out of my reach. Then I realize that he still thinks I'm going to try to kill myself.

"Samuel, if the reason you came over is because you think that I'm still going to try to kill myself, let me assure you that I'm not."

I can tell he doesn't exactly believe me, but he reluctantly hands me the bottle. I read the label and give him back the container of pills. "I'll see if I can get by without these tonight."

"Remember, if you need me for anything at all, don't hesitate to come down here and wake me, all right?"

"Thanks. Well, guess I'd better head upstairs."

For a moment we look at each other awkwardly. I think he wants to kiss me. But I'm not ready for that yet. My heart hurts too much from losing my son that I'm not ready to love anything or anyone else right now.

Sensing my reluctance, he backs off. "Good night, then."

"Good night," I call back as I head up the stairs.

I avoid even looking in the direction of Ash's room as I head down the hallway to my room and get ready for bed. For an hour I lie in bed with the light on. I don't want to turn out the light. The darkness makes me think of the ocean – the dark ocean where my son and his friends now lie. But I can't sleep with the light on, either. After tossing about for another half-hour, I decide to opt for one of the sedatives. If nothing else, at least it'll make me forget about everything for a while. I slip on a robe and silently creep downstairs. I hate the thought of waking Samuel up, but it turns out that I don't have to worry. He's lying on the couch, reading a book. The creak of my foot on the step causes him to look up from his reading.

"Delia. Are you all right?"

"I couldn't sleep," I admit as I sit down in the chair next to the couch. "I thought I'd try one of the sleeping pills."

He digs the pill bottle out of his pocket, opens it, and hands me one. I get a glass of water from the kitchen and swallow the pill.

"That should start working in a little while," he says as I come back into the living room and return to my chair. "Would you like for me to stay with you until you fall asleep? Just to make sure you don't have some kind of reaction to the pill," he adds quickly.

I really don't want to be alone tonight. I nod and the two of us head upstairs to my room. I curl back up on the bed and he sits down in the chair next to me. For a moment, we say nothing. We just look at each other.

"Samuel, could you…could you just hold me for a little while?" Right now more than anything, I just want someone to hold me, to comfort me, to make me feel like I'm not alone.

"Certainly." I scoot over to make room for him on the bed. He lies down next to me and wraps his arm around my waist. I close my eyes and snuggle against him. And then I wonder…

"Do you think Ash had someone to hold him like this?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think Ash had someone to hold him like this? Do you think he was scared when…when…?"

"Ash was with his friends," Samuel reassures me as he reaches up and begins to slowly stroke my hair. "I think he had some comfort in that."

"I wish…I wish I could've been there with him. Sometimes I wish that I had never let him go on his Pokémon journey."

"Delia, more than anything Ash wanted to be a Pokémon trainer. You had to let him go."

"But…but if I hadn't, then maybe…maybe…" The tears start again.

"Delia, you can't blame yourself for what happened to Ash. It's not your fault. If anything, you should blame me for giving Ash his first Pokémon and sending him off on his journey in the first place."

I roll over to face him. "It's not your fault, Samuel. I guess Ash would've gone off to be a Pokémon trainer no matter what either one of us did."

"That's right, Delia. So you can't blame yourself for what happened."

My eyelids start to feel heavy and I yawn. "The pill must be starting to work." I close my eyes and settle back on my pillow.

"That's it, Delia. Just relax now," Samuel whispers as he continues to stroke my head. "I'll stay right here with you."

A wave of dizziness overtakes me and I let myself be swept away by it. I move closer to him and the last thing I remember before I drift off into slumber is a soft kiss on my cheek.

To be continued…