Amazing Magical Girl

RUBY MOON

in WonderLand

The 3rd Amazing Magical Girl Ruby Moon Fic

By CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

Disclaimer: CardCaptor Sakura is copyrighted material owned by CLAMP… But not for long! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

            Once upon a time, there was an author named Lewis Carroll. One day, old Mr. Carroll decided to start writing stories about a girl named Alice. The stories didn't make a hell of a lot of sense, but Lewis was a pretty good writer so everyone pretty much forgave him for the fact that Alice's adventures seemed like the results of Lewis taking illegal substances while writing.

            Years later a group of four women, who collectively referred to themselves as CLAMP, came across Carroll's writing and came up with a brilliant, if somewhat bizarre, idea. "Why don't we place our OWN fictional characters in Wonderland and see what happens!" they announced. Then they all stared at each other curiously, wondering how the hell they managed to say the exact same thing at the exact same time.

            And so a tradition began in which CLAMP characters ended up as Wonderland characters. But so far, not all of them have fallen through the rabbit hole.

            And that just will not do.

**

            Nakuru Akizuki was feeling very good when she woke up that morning. She had managed to do away an obnoxious Mary Sue and take her ring, the source of her Mary Sue powers. Granted, Eriol had helped her somewhat, but hurling stuffed sheep at the enemy was hardly a great contribution.

            For those of you who have no clue what is going on, you should have read the first two stories first. But, to get you up to speed, here is our story thus far:

            One day, Nakuru Akizuki decided that she was sick of being a genderless moon guardian. No, she wanted more out of life. She wanted to be a magical girl. She wanted to dress up in fancy costumes, strike dramatic poses and save the world and have an enigmatic bishonen hero save her when she was in danger. And so, Nakuru set out on her mission, annoying the hell out of her counterpart, Spinel Sun, along the way. There were, of course, problems with this arrangement starting with the fact that Tomoeda already had a magical girl, Sakura Kinomoto, Mistress of the Cards. Also, there was the small matter that Nakuru was not actually a girl or anything else for that matter.

            Not that any of that fazed Nakuru in the slightest. Nakuru, as you may be aware, is the kind of person who goes after whatever she wants with abundant energy no matter how stupid or implausible her goals may seem. To some this sort of personality trait can be annoying, to others it can be very annoying. Eriol on the other hand was more amused than irritated. Since his days of making a puppet out of his descendant, Syaoran Li, and trying to bury Sakura in stuffed sheep were over, he needed something to fill in his extra time. As such he found that Nakuru's quest was perfect to fill the gap, especially since watching anime reruns had grown old.

            Nakuru, however, was not stupid. She had recently decided to add sword fighting to her magical girl repertoire, however, Nakuru's sword skills were a couple of levels below Sakura's skill at baton throwing. And while it might be okay to get hit in the head with a baton, messing up with a sword can result in the loss of crucial limbs and other body parts. Nakuru knew exactly what she needed to do. She needed sword lessons.

            The problem was that swords were not as big in Japan as they used to be and there was only one person in Tomoeda at the moment who had any form of sword skills whatsoever.

            Syaoran Li.      

            Now, to an outsider, this might seem like a simple matter. Clearly all Nakuru had to do was ask Syaoran for help. But the average outsider wouldn't realize how completely stupid that idea was. This was because Syaoran Li did not like Eriol. Actually, Syaoran hated and despised Eriol with the kind of intensity normally reserved for war criminals and congress. As such, Nakuru, being very closely linked to Eriol, was always under suspicion of being part of some massive conspiratorial plot of Eriol's to make Syaoran look stupid.

            Now, Nakuru understood full well why Syaoran hated Eriol so much. Hell, there were days she wanted to throttle Eriol too. But, she had to stay on good terms with him or else she'd never figure our how to use the Mary Sue rings to accomplish her ultimate goal: getting herself an actual gender.

            You see how complicated this stuff can get?

**

            Meanwhile, on the other side of the world in a dark ominous boardroom in some cold impersonal skyscraper, a meeting of the most feared and evil beings in the universe was about to take place.

            And we're not talking about the Republican party, here.

            No, we are talking about a plague that has destroyed more fanfics than can be counted, The Mary Sues.

            The Mary Sues were a more powerful for of the species known as Authorus Creatati Characturus, or Author Created Characters. While the ACCs were always annoyingly perfect, the Mary Sues took it a level beyond, manifesting God-like abilities. It was because of this that most canon anime characters hated them so much. They just didn't always express those feelings since enemies of the Mary Sue have a tendency to "disappear".

            Now, usually Mary Sue meeting consist of praising each other and, of course, the One True Mary Sue herself along with some plotting, scheming and to round the evening out they'd blow up a planet or two and go out for manicures. However, this particular meeting was different. One of the Mary Sues had fallen and this was a matter of great concern.

            No one was supposed to be able to beat a Mary Sue. No one! So naturally, Charlotte LaFleur's defeat at the hands of Ruby Moon was the main topic of discussion.

            "So… What do we know about this Ruby Moon?" their leader asked.

            "She's some kind of magical girl, I guess," one of the Mary Sues replied.

            "I thought Kinomoto was the Tomoeda magical girl," said another.

            "Probably just a plot anomaly," said the first. "We know plenty about those."

            "Well, we have to deal with her," the leader said. "And I have a plan to do just that."

            They soon agreed to the plan. Then they blew up some planets and went out to get manicures.

**

            And now we take you back to Tomoeda, where one Touya Kinomoto was going about his daily life including school, homework, hanging out with Yukito, planning ways to do serious injury to Syaoran and trying out every single part-time job in Tomoeda for at least one full day. It didn't help that he still had to deal with Nakuru taking to him like an affectionate Tamayo Mizaki (which is to say affectionate in a somewhat violent sort of way).

            Touya had recently had seen less of Nakuru. Being unaware of Nakuru's ultimate plot, he had allowed himself to relax for a few days figuring that Nakuru had finally given up.

            Then he remembered that Nakuru never gives up.

            Touya immediately went on red alert, knowing that he was probably being stalked by the mad glomper who might very well pop out of the woodwork at any time.

            Yukito just shook his head sadly as he watched Touya descend into Fox Mulder mode.

            Touya, however, was sure that the glomping would start again soon.

            In a way, he was right.

**

            And now we return you to our heroine, who was running late for school. In case you were wondering where the plot was, here it comes, folks. Ever since Nakuru had become a magical girl she had developed problems with being on time for things. This is one of those inescapable magical heroine traits. From Usagi Tsukino to Yohko Mano to Meimi Haneoka, no magical girl can drag herself out of bed on time in the morning. It is an inevitable rule along with the sun rising in the morning and people thinking that Tom Green should be shot.

            Nakuru was still fighting this rule. She liked to get to school early so she could plot her early morning glomping attacks on Touya. However, she hadn't got any good shots at him lately. Naturally, she just dismissed this as being Yukito's fault.

            This particular morning, as Nakuru was trying to break the four minute mile to class, she spotted something curious. It was Sakura Kinomoto running down the street constantly checking a stopwatch and shouting "I'm late! I'm late!" Now, as I mentioned before, magical heroines are always late, including Sakura Kinomoto, so that wasn't the surprise. Nakuru thought it was odd that Sakura was wearing a bizarre frilly costume with bunny ears and a tail, although Tomoyo had made her wear stranger things.

            But why to school?, Nakuru thought.

            I bet you readers know where this is going.

            Now Nakuru was a little curious as to why Sakura was running around dressed like this, so she decided to take a closer look. You know your dealing with a magical girl when such things only cause mild curiosity, but that is beside the point. Nakuru followed Sakura around the next street corner…

            And then she fell through a hole large enough to swallow a train.

**

            Meanwhile, in the dark gloomy boardroom, the evil Mary Sues let loose a round of maniacal laughter over the success of their trap.

            Then, they ordered lunch.

**

             Nakuru rubbed her head, which felt as though it had been used as a target in a Whack-A-Mole game, as she slowly got to her feet. She looked around at the landscape which consisted of green hills, tall trees, perfectly blue sky and white fluffy clouds. And it was all about as realistic and accurate as a James Patterson novel.  "What happened? Where am I?"

            "Three guesses," called a vaguely familiar voice. "And the first two don't count." Nakuru turned abruptly to see Spinel Sun sitting on the branch of a nearby tree.

            "Suppi?"

            "I am NOT Suppi!!!' Spinel hissed.

            "Awww… Sup-piiiii!" Naruku said with extra syrupy sweetness in her voice.

            "I happen to be the Cheshire Cat," Spinel replied.

            "You're kidding, right?" said Nakuru, with her hands on her hips. "I mean, aren't you supposed to grin and talk in riddles and stuff?"

            "Hey, what do I look like to you? A frickin' Disney character?!" Spinel shouted. "Geez… No one likes originality anymore. "

            Nakuru blinked. This could be one of two things. It could be a trap by the Mary Sues or it could be that those sausages she had for breakfast had gone well past the expiry date. "So this is wonderland?"

            "More or less," Spinel replied. "We had to downgrade our alternate magical universe license™ recently. Everyone here thought the whole Disney thing was going to last a lot longer than it did. Although the royalties from that American McGee's Alice thing helped."

            Nakuru sweatdropped. "This place runs on a budget?"

            "Well, obviously," Spinel replied. "You think all that fancy growing and shrinking stuff comes cheap? Not to mention the giant chess pieces plus all the times we had to send the Mad Hatter into rehab or some mental health facility."

            "You mean…"

            "Yeah, we've had him in the loony bin six times so far this year," Spinel replied.

            "Okay, so how do I get out of here?" Nakuru asked.

"Not much for conversation, are you?" said Spinel. "Well, the usual procedure is to just wander around for a while, fall through a few reality shifts and completely implausible situations and then you wake up and discover it was all a dream." 

            "Sounds simple enough," Nakuru replied.

            "Well, you'll want to start by finding the White Rabbit," said Spinel. And then, in a puff of black smoke, he vanished.

            Nakuru allowed herself a small smirk. "First things first. This looks like a job for Amazing Magical Girl Ruby Moon!" She took out her captured Mary Sue ring and muttered a few magical words as swirls of pink smoke surrounded her. When it dissipated, Nakuru had changed into her magical girl outfit, a copy of Utena's shirt, a pleated white skirt, knee high boots, gloves and a Sailor V style mask. She quickly struck a pose, even though there was no one there to see it.

            "You know," she said to herself. "I'm not sure about this look anymore. Maybe I should've gone for a more Kaitou St. Tail look… Oh, well…  I think this should work for a while longer." She looked around for a moment. "Now where the hell am I going to find that stupid rabbit?"

            Suddenly, there came a cry of "I'm late! I'm late!" Nakuru turned to see Sakura, still dressed in that goofy outfit, running up the road.

            "Geez… What's so important?" Nakuru asked out loud.

Sakura came to a halt. "Well, actually it's umm… a very important date," she said blushing slightly.

"Date?" said Nakuru. Well, what else?

"Yes," Sakura replied blushing further and twiddling her fingers. "But… I have a tendency to be a tad late. Not that it really bothers him. At least… I think it doesn't." Her kawaii face gave an expression of deep thought. "He's never really said anything about it."

Nakuru rolled her eyes. If Sakura was talking about who she thought she was talking about, there was a very good reason he had never complained. "Well, we're all late now and then."

"Well…" Sakura said in a small voice. "Last time, I was three hours late."

Nakuru sweatdropped. "Oh."

Sakura quickly looked at her watch, let out a surprised yell and then sprinted off again. Nakuru sweatdropped again. "Hey, wait a second! I need to…" It was only then that Nakuru noticed that the scenery around her had suddenly changed. Now she was in the middle of a very unusual forest.

"Oookay…" said Nakuru. "This is getting really weird." But she decided the best thing to do was to keep on going. After a few minutes she arrived at a small clearing where there was a small table and four chairs set up with several places set tea. Just slightly to the right was Eriol lying on a psychiatrist's couch holding his giant hat to his chest.

"It's just that everyone kept thinking that it looked crazy," he was saying. "I always hated that. Why did they have to make fun of my hat? I mean, there have been a lot of stupider fashion trends. What about the retro seventies look?" Meanwhile, sitting in a nearby chair dressed in a lab coat and glasses was Kaho sitting and taking notes on a small pad.

"And how did that make you feel?" asked Kaho.

"Well, kind of bad," Eriol replied. "But not as bad as when DC comics ripped of my name for one of those Batman villains. And he wasn't even in the movies." Eriol shrugged. "But at least that means that Joel Schumacher didn't get a chance to screw him up."

"Uh-huh," Kaho replied still jotting away on her notepad.

"Um… What's going on here?" Nakuru sweatdropped.

"Oh, hello!" Eriol called cheerfully. "Can I get you some tea?"

"Oh no!" said Nakuru, backing away. There has always been a long tradition of bad things happening when it comes to tea. Especially when it comes to fanfics.

"No one ever takes my tea anymore," Eriol pouted.

"Well, after you spiked the last few pots…" Kaho began.

"It gives it flavor," Eriol argued.

"Riiiiight…" said Nakuru. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to know how to get out of here, would you?"

"Oh, sure," said Eriol sounding thoroughly wounded. "No one wants to talk to me anymore."

Kaho shrugged. "Sure. Just head back the way you came."

"How would that work?" asked Nakuru.

"It's best not to ask questions in this place," said Kaho. "It eats away at your sanity." She gestured towards Eriol who was now merrily singing show tunes. "See?" Nakuru sweatdropped before wandering off back into the forest.

"Now, let's talk about your childhood," said Kaho.

"I'm still in the middle of it," Eriol replied.

"No. I mean the other one," said Kaho.

**

            Nakuru had drawn her sword and used it to hack her way through the underbrush, at least until she accidentally chopped through the trunk of a particularly large tree, which missed her head by mere inches when it fell. It was at that point that she realized she really shouldn't be swinging about wildly with a long sharp object.   
            Surprisingly, or perhaps not, she didn't end up where she started from but in a large field full of flowers. In the middle of the field stood Yukito and Yue, side-by-side, dressed in the goofiest looking blue outfits.

            "Oh, lovely" Nakuru grumbled to herself. "It's the snow bunny and his little alter-ego." She started to sneak off, hoping she wasn't seen when Yukito called out to her in his usual cheerful tone.

            "Hello there!" called Yukito. "Over here!"

            Yue rolled his eyes.

            "What do you want?" Nakuru asked in an icy tone.

            Yukito seemed oblivious to Nakuru's chill towards him. "Hello. My name is Tweedledee." Yukito said brightly. There was a long pause. Yukito jabbed Yue slightly with his elbow.

            "No," Yue said flatly.

            "What?" said Yukito.

            "I'm not going to say it," said Yue. "It's stupid."

            "Awww… Come on!" Yukito pleaded.

            "No!" Yue said firmly. "Honestly, it's like you live to embarrass me."

            Nakuru sweatdropped.

            "Oh, it's always about you, isn't it?" Yukito snapped. "But what about me?"

            "What about you?" Yue replied coldly. "If you want to make a fool of yourself, go ahead. But, leave me out of it."

            "I just doesn't work without both of us," Yukito whined. "I mean, there can't just be a Tweedledee. It just doesn't work that way."

            "And that's another thing," Yue snapped. "Why do I have to be Tweedledum? What kind of stupid name is that?"

            Nakuru took the opportunity to quietly tip-toe away from them.

**

            A few minutes later, without any real cause, Nakuru had arrived at a rather large castle. She couldn't help but notice the giant chessboard nearby where two figures were engaged in a game.

            "Oh, lovely," Nakuru muttered. "The Queen of Hearts shtick…" She mentally tried to imagine who she knew who could be the Queen, but nothing came to mind. She shrugged and walked over to the giant chessboard.

            Syaoran Li, dressed in a familiar but snappy looking brown suit, was sitting in what appeared to be an egg shaped chair at one end of the board. "Could we speed this up, please?" he grumbled. "I have a date with the White Rabbit to get to."

            Thought so, Nakuru thought.

            "I told her to meet me at four and it's almost five," Syaoran continued. "Which means she could show up any time now."

            Nakuru glanced to the other end of the board, where she saw a shadowy figure in a long dress and a crown.

            "Ohhohohohohohoho!" the figure laughed.

            Syaoran sweatdropped. "I hate that laugh…" he muttered.

            "Daidouji?" Nakuru began. But the figure seemed too tall to be Tomoyo.

            "Who dares interrupt the Queen of Hearts in the middle of a crucial move?!" the figure snapped.

            Syaoran rolled his eyes. "Here we go again…" he grumbled. "But what can you expect, I guess. He's always having tea with Hiiragazawa."

            "He…?" Nakuru began. The figure stood up and emerged from the shadows to reveal…

            Touya Kinomoto.

            Nakuru facefaulted. "THAT'S THE QUEEN OF HEARTS?!"

            "Yeah," said Syaoran, propping up his head on one hand. "Scary, isn't it?"

            "Ohohohohohohohoho!" Touya laughed causing Nakuru and Syaoran to shudder."You foul interloper! Off with his head!"

            "I am NOT a guy!" Nakuru snapped indignantly. "I am the defender of love, justice and pocky! I am Amazing Magical Girl Ruby Moon!"

            "Love, justice and pocky?" said Syaoran, eyebrow raised.

            "I couldn't think of a third thing for my motto," Nakuru said blushing.

            "Fine! Fine!" Touya grumbled. "Off with HER head then!" Off in the distance there was the sound of the Queen's troops approaching.

            "Uh-oh…" Syaoran said nervously. "Uh… Gotta get to my date. Ta-ta!" He snapped his fingers and with a small pop, he disappeared.

            "Wish I could do that," Nakuru muttered. There was no way she could fight an entire army. Just then, she remembered something that the Cheshire Cat had said. "Of course!" she said brightly and she snapped her fingers.  

**

            Nakuru blinked as she sat up in bed. She rubbed her eyes. "What do you know? It really was all a dream." She allowed herself a small smile as she leaned over to check her alarm clock.

            "Oh no!!" she cried out. "I'm late!!"

**

            Meanwhile, back in the dark shadowy boardroom.

            "Curses!" said one of the Mary Sues. "Foiled again!"

            "She has learned how to use the loopholes well," the leader said. "But next time, we will destroy Ruby Moon!"

**

            On his way to school, Touya felt a sudden chill. It was almost if someone was stalking him. The theme from "Jaws" started to play in his head. Suddenly, the stalker pounced with a chilling cry that was all too familiar.

            "TOUYAAAAAAA!!!" GLOMP!!

**

THE END

But Amazing Magical Girl Ruby Moon Will Return…

**

Author's Notes: Well, it took a long time but I finally finished it. I kept having writer's block on all the Wonderland scenes. I wanted to avoid using any of the casting choices CLAMP used during Sakura's visit to Wonderland. I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm not sure what Ruby Moon will do next, but I still have a few ideas. And until next time, remember: love justice and pocky! ^-^

-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)