AN: Please note that this is note directed at anyone in particular. Again I'm just letting off some steam. Once again, you know who you are if you do this. Not really funny but meh.

Paragraphing, author's notes, spelling and grammar.

            After the spawn of all evil (more commonly known as Mary Sue) had been at last vanquished, things at Hogwart's were returning more or less to normal. Unfortunately the illusion that all the students and staff members would only have to worry about Voldemort succeeding in taking over the world was about to be shattered into a million billion pieces when Dumbledore stood up to make his traditional end of the year announcements.

            "First off your first lesson in your new class 'Protection Against Ignorant Authors' was handled very well, you all discovered the one and only way to destroy her. However I'm sorry to say that was only the beginning."  Students looked nervously at each other, what could possibly be worse then Mary Sue?

            "Your second lesson will begin as soon as you get back next year, have a good summer!"

~Be warned. This is the point where anything resembling the basic rules of the English language end. Be ever wary.~

            A train wisle could be herd jusy as Harry was running through the barrier betweene plate from 9/3. He sighed in realif that he had meade it. I was all the Dursley's falut he was late in the first place. hermmine ran up behind him and throw her arms around his middle (AN: It's that SO cute!) "Hi honny!" she cried. Harry smiled down into her pretty brown eyes, it made him so happy to see her (AN: *Sigh*). "Holde on a second" harry yelled. "Since when do you call me honny?" hermnie looked conffused then wrinkled her noise "I can't beleieive I just do that! And why can't the auther spell my name write? If they read the books it shouldn't be THAT harde" (AN: That wasn't very nise of her! I'm sorry but I had to) harry shrugged. The tran started to pull away. Bothe of them ran after it at top speed harry managed to do an amazing jump and with 1 arm help hermonie onto the train. (AN: Double sigh) "wow that was cool" Harry began flexing his "muscles" "I think I like this type of auther, don't you Moine?" "nobel for sure" she sdaid rolling her eyeses. Suddenly Ron came up behind them, "Hey what's going on? You almost missed the train" (AN: No really Ron). "Man they made me stupide! I hate that!" "Um…shouldn't we have a pharagraph some times soon?" harry askes looking around. "just one?" hermnine muttered sarcasticaly.

****

Harry graoned. The Dursley's had beat him again and he hadn't been able to do anything to stop them even though he had blown up his aunt and threatened them enough times in the book (AN: Poor harry I just hate doing this to him but hes just so great) harrys head snaped up "Wasn't I just on the tran?" why yess harry you were. justen then his scare explolded in pian and he fall to the ground and he gritted his teeth against it until blackness came and saveded him

*******

"SLITHERIIN!" the sorting hat souted out to the hall. Harry wimpered a little to Ron, "I really confuffled, this doesn't make any sence!" "Called mayjor holes in the plot!" Herninme "Ok that's it! It's H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E got that!!!!!!?????????".  Suddenly a shadow dark the heroeses froms. Draco Malfoy was behind them (AN: He's another cuty). Surpricingly he look scarded. "Doesn't anyone now what's going on?" Harry looked really handsome whil raising an eyebrow "not a clue but I think liek this auther" Malfoy looked sick "my Dad's hiting on me I had to did a blood ritual w/ the dork lord and u likee it" he shoutede "haha you're dad's hit on you" Ron blinked "grrrrrr stupide agian" Malfoy manaded to lookslightly smuge. (AN: he's so evil I luv it) Draco looked up "on sec throught Poter I have to say you many have piont" Hermoine-this was folowed by a glare (AN: opps, sory meant Hermione hehh ^_^;;) "see that right their is the firste step" She ounded on the table "going back and CHECKING you \r work.' The boys nodded their agreemente "You see there's this little button ta the top of your tool bar called a 'spell checke', use it before you post!" "Yeah!" Ron nodded semi-coherently. "Paragraphs really help to you too know" Malfoy put in.

            Hermione sighed as the author began (slowly) following the advice, "see isn't this better and we haven't even start on grammar yet"

            "or the annoying author's notes" Harry added. Hermione looked over at him, "we must go slowly, we don't want to over whelm the author just as we're starting to get some place. Now then, the basic rules of grammar are fairly easy to grasp. 1. periods go at the end of a sentence unless it's a question in which case the question (hint hint) mark does instead. 2. Capitals at the beginning of a sentence or name, place or person. 2. Comas go where the reader may need a break or when listing something or a word is repeated twice." (AN: wow! It's that neat *cheesy commercial grin* and your fic can look this good to if you just follow these simple steps).

            "Now about those author's notes," Harry gave a quick look over at Hermione who nodded, "Author's notes should only go at the end or beginning of the fic, it's really annoying to have them in the middle. It messes the reader up and interrupts the train of thought."

"As for the obvious plot holes…well I'm not going to say anything. I've come to the conclusion that some of them must be on purpose; they're that bad." Ron said.

"Oh so now you're the expert?" Hermione asked. The author was silent. The trio smiled at each other thinking all was well until…

            "And another thing; my Father does not hit on me! There is NO proof in the book to say so."

            "Well Malfoy," Ron had an evil grin on his face, "after all it IS a fic and that means that the author can do that if they want." Malfoy was about to retort when Dumbledore's voice filled the room.

            "You've done very well. You found the next thing a person should be on the lookout for. Also 10 points to Gryfindor for Hermione's excellent explanation of grammar, spelling and paragraph rules." Hermione beamed, "However keep in mind Mr. Malfoy's comments, they may be useful next year." Then the Gryfindors won the house cup and there was a big, cheesy hug fest at the end (as seen on tv).

            Until next time…

AN: It was a rant and it felt good. Thank you to those that reviewed, those were some really nice comments (and here, I was and still am, expecting to be flamed.) Hope you enjoy this one as much.