Part Three
*****And the tide rushes by where we stand, And the earth underneath turns to sand, And we're waiting for someone to see. Honey, don't bail on me.*****
Would it be difficult to believe me when I say that my world once revolved around you? It seems unthinkable now, after all of these years, and these many confrontations that you and I have had after my so-called resurrection. But, yes, it was once true. I had a deep longing for you, far beyond that of a lust-filled girl. It was a powerful desire that no woman--much less a priestess--should ever feel for a creature such as the one you once were.
You don't know how desperately I tried to rid my mind of you. I couldn't love you. Not you, a beast by all standards. I couldn't love any man, whether he be a human or a demon. Or a half-demon.
And with you, it should have been easy to stay out of love. You, a disgusting creature in the eyes of all others, should have been able to keep my eyes from attatching to you so ravenously. Why in all the hells did I love you? How in all the hells could I love you? When all other women ran from you, screaming as if they were being devoured at that very moment, why did I hunt for you? Why did I distance myself from my people just to go deeper into the forrest in search of you? Why did you fascinate me so? Your exotic appearance? Your nonchalant mien? Your lonely eyes? The way sorrow clung to you like your own skin? The way you attempted to mask the constant expression of bitterness on your face? Which of these things drew me to you?
Gods, how the guilt flowed through me. Gods, how weak I was! So weak as to put my trust in you, believing that when I brought the jewel to you that day that you would purify it with me and rid both of us of our hellish lives. We would become simple human beings and be able to live simple lives, unobligated, undisturbed.
And that world of mine that encircled you crumbled like an old city when I felt your claws go through me. The pain of the body wasn't even noticeable compared to the pain of the heart. All that I thought would happen for us deserted me at that very moment. And I was in so much pain. It is still beyond my knowledge as to how I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled back to the village without collapsing and giving up my soul to the Afterlife. It was as if my hatred for you was already alive and fueling me well before I died. It took all the power I had in me to lift my bow and string my arrow. The weakness of a dying body was buried deep in my bones, and as I let loose my arrow, my soul began to fly with it.
I never thought that you would be silent when it hit you. But then again, I didn't expect you to cry out in pain. That was too much of a weakness, to allow pain to show through your voice. Why would you do it now, when death was staring you in the face?
And you were still so beautiful. That instant that I shot you, you seemed the most alluring and gorgeous being that I had ever seen. The way you looked at me though, as if I had been the one to betray you, angered me beyond belief. Why did that have to be the last emotion that I saw plastered across your face? Betrayal? When you had been the one to betray the one you loved? Not me. How dare you.
*****Tell Ma I loved a man even though I turned and ran. Lovely and fine I could have been, laying down in the palm of his hand, Laying down in the palm of his hand, Laying down in the palm of his hand, Staying down in the palm of his hand.*****
But in reality, what does all of this matter to us now? I am dead. Even though I walk the earth in a body, I belong elsewhere--and I know this. My soul belongs to and with another, and even though I feel discarded and want desperately to claim it once again as my own--I know this as well. But what I do not know is what I seemingly wander this realm for.
Your death.
Do I long for vengeance on account of your betrayal, or on account of the longing I have for you to come with me to where we can be together for the rest of eternity? It is so disturbing that I think of your death one moment, and think of my love for you another. I wondered often what it would be like. I wondered well before my death, and still wonder now. What would it have been like if things had happened as we expected them to?
If you had not stolen the jewel. If I had not imprisoned you to that tree. If I did not die and you did not sleep.
If, instead, I had given you the jewel. If you had become a man. If I had become a woman. If the jewel had been purified and placed beyond the reach of the evil of the world forever.
What would the two of us had done as a man and a woman? It seems so foolish to think of such unreachable things now, but I am anable to free my mind of the image of us as a husband and a wife, bound together for the remainder of our lives. Would we have been happy together? Would life have been comfortable and enjoyable for the two of us? Would I have loved you as an honorable and respectable wife should? Would you have loved me as a loyal and gentle husband should? And our children. Would we have made love to each other, and would I have given birth to your children? Would their lives be as they should, seeing as their mother was once a powerful priestess and their father was once a half-demon? Would you have protected us, your children and your wife?
Or would our lives fall apart after intertwining?
So many questions for someone unable to listen to me. So many questions that I will never hear the answers to. I am so weary now. So heavy-hearted that I must rise from my small fire and call to my loyal demons to fetch souls for my empty body. How I long for the Afterlife now that I am away. How I long for you now that I am unable to reach you. How confused I am at whether I want to love you as I once did...or kill you.
The demons come, carrying the delicate souls in their insect-like arms. They carress me as if they love me, and I them; and I take the souls for myself and my own sad and shameful needs. And when I am full, I stare at the night and wonder if you are there somewhere, watching me closely as you once did. But I know that you are not. The past is gone and you are not there.
And as the sadness of the love that I once desired so badly sinks into my sham body, I crawl into the low limbs of a near-by tree and attempt to drive away thoughts of you with sleep and dreams. But I do not succeed, for you are there as well.
A/N. Well, it seems like the end doesn't it? Nope, just one more part to go and a few more lines of the masterpeice "Riverwide". You should go buy The Globe Sessions just to listen to this song! It'll make you bawl *sniff*. Anyways, the last part should be posted in a few days, perhaps the middle of the week ^_^
P.S. I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!!
Replies to reviewers:
IsleofSolitude: Refering to Thanksgiving as Turkey day is witty enough for me! ^_^
Demon-Cat: I like Kikyo too, but not better than I like InuYasha/Kagome romances. I do, however, believe that it was a shame that her and InuYasha never got a chance to love each other as they should have. I believe they could have been happy if all the shit that split them up hadn't happened. I really wanted to kinda hint at this in this fic (obviously I did a good job ^_^) Oh, thanks for the encouragement for a sequel, but it's kinda hard to write one for a songic. ^_^
violettegal345: Yes, it is a little sad isn't it? But as long as I can shed some light on who I believe Kikyo really is, then I don't mind if it causes a few bawl fests (though I don't think it's THAT sad ^_^)
Thanks for the reviews!!! See you soon!!
*****And the tide rushes by where we stand, And the earth underneath turns to sand, And we're waiting for someone to see. Honey, don't bail on me.*****
Would it be difficult to believe me when I say that my world once revolved around you? It seems unthinkable now, after all of these years, and these many confrontations that you and I have had after my so-called resurrection. But, yes, it was once true. I had a deep longing for you, far beyond that of a lust-filled girl. It was a powerful desire that no woman--much less a priestess--should ever feel for a creature such as the one you once were.
You don't know how desperately I tried to rid my mind of you. I couldn't love you. Not you, a beast by all standards. I couldn't love any man, whether he be a human or a demon. Or a half-demon.
And with you, it should have been easy to stay out of love. You, a disgusting creature in the eyes of all others, should have been able to keep my eyes from attatching to you so ravenously. Why in all the hells did I love you? How in all the hells could I love you? When all other women ran from you, screaming as if they were being devoured at that very moment, why did I hunt for you? Why did I distance myself from my people just to go deeper into the forrest in search of you? Why did you fascinate me so? Your exotic appearance? Your nonchalant mien? Your lonely eyes? The way sorrow clung to you like your own skin? The way you attempted to mask the constant expression of bitterness on your face? Which of these things drew me to you?
Gods, how the guilt flowed through me. Gods, how weak I was! So weak as to put my trust in you, believing that when I brought the jewel to you that day that you would purify it with me and rid both of us of our hellish lives. We would become simple human beings and be able to live simple lives, unobligated, undisturbed.
And that world of mine that encircled you crumbled like an old city when I felt your claws go through me. The pain of the body wasn't even noticeable compared to the pain of the heart. All that I thought would happen for us deserted me at that very moment. And I was in so much pain. It is still beyond my knowledge as to how I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled back to the village without collapsing and giving up my soul to the Afterlife. It was as if my hatred for you was already alive and fueling me well before I died. It took all the power I had in me to lift my bow and string my arrow. The weakness of a dying body was buried deep in my bones, and as I let loose my arrow, my soul began to fly with it.
I never thought that you would be silent when it hit you. But then again, I didn't expect you to cry out in pain. That was too much of a weakness, to allow pain to show through your voice. Why would you do it now, when death was staring you in the face?
And you were still so beautiful. That instant that I shot you, you seemed the most alluring and gorgeous being that I had ever seen. The way you looked at me though, as if I had been the one to betray you, angered me beyond belief. Why did that have to be the last emotion that I saw plastered across your face? Betrayal? When you had been the one to betray the one you loved? Not me. How dare you.
*****Tell Ma I loved a man even though I turned and ran. Lovely and fine I could have been, laying down in the palm of his hand, Laying down in the palm of his hand, Laying down in the palm of his hand, Staying down in the palm of his hand.*****
But in reality, what does all of this matter to us now? I am dead. Even though I walk the earth in a body, I belong elsewhere--and I know this. My soul belongs to and with another, and even though I feel discarded and want desperately to claim it once again as my own--I know this as well. But what I do not know is what I seemingly wander this realm for.
Your death.
Do I long for vengeance on account of your betrayal, or on account of the longing I have for you to come with me to where we can be together for the rest of eternity? It is so disturbing that I think of your death one moment, and think of my love for you another. I wondered often what it would be like. I wondered well before my death, and still wonder now. What would it have been like if things had happened as we expected them to?
If you had not stolen the jewel. If I had not imprisoned you to that tree. If I did not die and you did not sleep.
If, instead, I had given you the jewel. If you had become a man. If I had become a woman. If the jewel had been purified and placed beyond the reach of the evil of the world forever.
What would the two of us had done as a man and a woman? It seems so foolish to think of such unreachable things now, but I am anable to free my mind of the image of us as a husband and a wife, bound together for the remainder of our lives. Would we have been happy together? Would life have been comfortable and enjoyable for the two of us? Would I have loved you as an honorable and respectable wife should? Would you have loved me as a loyal and gentle husband should? And our children. Would we have made love to each other, and would I have given birth to your children? Would their lives be as they should, seeing as their mother was once a powerful priestess and their father was once a half-demon? Would you have protected us, your children and your wife?
Or would our lives fall apart after intertwining?
So many questions for someone unable to listen to me. So many questions that I will never hear the answers to. I am so weary now. So heavy-hearted that I must rise from my small fire and call to my loyal demons to fetch souls for my empty body. How I long for the Afterlife now that I am away. How I long for you now that I am unable to reach you. How confused I am at whether I want to love you as I once did...or kill you.
The demons come, carrying the delicate souls in their insect-like arms. They carress me as if they love me, and I them; and I take the souls for myself and my own sad and shameful needs. And when I am full, I stare at the night and wonder if you are there somewhere, watching me closely as you once did. But I know that you are not. The past is gone and you are not there.
And as the sadness of the love that I once desired so badly sinks into my sham body, I crawl into the low limbs of a near-by tree and attempt to drive away thoughts of you with sleep and dreams. But I do not succeed, for you are there as well.
A/N. Well, it seems like the end doesn't it? Nope, just one more part to go and a few more lines of the masterpeice "Riverwide". You should go buy The Globe Sessions just to listen to this song! It'll make you bawl *sniff*. Anyways, the last part should be posted in a few days, perhaps the middle of the week ^_^
P.S. I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving!!
Replies to reviewers:
IsleofSolitude: Refering to Thanksgiving as Turkey day is witty enough for me! ^_^
Demon-Cat: I like Kikyo too, but not better than I like InuYasha/Kagome romances. I do, however, believe that it was a shame that her and InuYasha never got a chance to love each other as they should have. I believe they could have been happy if all the shit that split them up hadn't happened. I really wanted to kinda hint at this in this fic (obviously I did a good job ^_^) Oh, thanks for the encouragement for a sequel, but it's kinda hard to write one for a songic. ^_^
violettegal345: Yes, it is a little sad isn't it? But as long as I can shed some light on who I believe Kikyo really is, then I don't mind if it causes a few bawl fests (though I don't think it's THAT sad ^_^)
Thanks for the reviews!!! See you soon!!