Ok, time for the next chapter. This time I used KoRn's 'Hating', check them
out if you get the time ! ^^ I hope you will all enjoy and REVIEW !!! Thank
you so much, people, I love you !!! -x-x-x- Mari-sama~ R and R ! ^^
Black Rain - - - - - - - - - - by Mari-sama~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Hating" KoRn
My life is such a waste
Begging on something to work this time
But why can't I relate?
Feeling all I do is get what's mine
Holding on to faith, never gave me nothing but despair
So why do I create just to be swallowed?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't take (we have a start)
I can't take (we got a fantasy)
Come what may (we are the stars)
I can't wait (I'll take what's mine)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Been hating all this time before I crawled inside
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
Been hating all this time too far to cross the line
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I Cannot take this place
Burning up inside this space of mine
So why can't I replace, feelings I find hard to really find?
I try but I can't taste
Memories they always fuck with me
So why do I create just to be swallowed?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't take (we have a start)
I can't take (we got a fantasy)
Come what may (we are the stars)
I can't wait (I'll take what's mine)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Been hating all this time before I crawled inside
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
Been hating all this time too far to cross the line
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find,
find, find, find, find, find, find, find
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
All my feelings have been eating onto me
Feed inside, is there something wrong
with me?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't take (we have a start)
I can't take (we got a fantasy)
Come what may (we are the stars)
I can't wait (I'll take what's mine)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Been hating all this time before I crawled inside
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
Been hating all this time too far to cross the line
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find,
find, find, find, find, find, find, find
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Oh no. - - -
- - - School. - - -
Yes, it was school again. The week with Nancy and TK was over. It had been fun, except for all the crying, cutting, yelling and seeking for redemption that, according to Matt, would never come.
But now, he was absolutely sure it would never ever come. School was hell. Today was gonna be one of the most hated days of Matt's school year. Even though he was prepared for everything. He had brought 3 painkillers, his pocket-knife and his diary.
- - - You never know. - - -
- - - Maybe I need it. - - -
Matt made his way through the streets of Odaiba, looking down and mentally dissing all the 'normal' people. The sky looked really dark. And it was cold. Very cold. He turned around another corner, thinking of what school was gonna be like today. Bad ? Good ? Fun ? Boring ?
- - - If I feel really bad, I can always lock myself in the bathroom. - - -
"Hey Matt !" the blonde suddenly heard.
To his surprise, it wasn't the voice he thought it was gonna be. It was a sweet girly voice. Kari.
- - - I wanna avoid her, but she's so friendly. And besides, she'd never notice the marks. - - -
- - - Gee... I have over 40 marks on my arm now... - - -
"Hi Kari." Matt said, not in a happy tone, not in a sad one either.
"You mind if I walk along with you ?"
"No, of course not !"
Kari smiled to Matt.
"Tai's gonna be so late !" she told him, laughing a bit, "He spilled his cornflakes all over his pants and he couldn't find any new !"
She laughed. Matt laughed too, even though it was as fake as Mimi's pink hair color.
"So... Matt ? How was the weekend with TK ?"
- - - How does she know ? Oh... Tai... - - -
"Well... it was great fun. But it rained all the time so we couldn't go outside, of course."
Kari nodded in agreement.
"Hey, Matt ?"
"What ?"
"Did you- ? Well... uhh... ? Is it-"
"True ? That my mom left me outside in the rain ?"
"Yes..."
"Yeah, it's true." Matt said.
Kari could feel the sorrow in his voice and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Hey... It's gonna get all better !"
"Right ! As if I believe that !" Matt snapped.
Kari was a little taken back when she heard Matt snapping at her.
"Kari, ohh... I'm sorry ! I just..."
"You don't wanna talk about it right now ?"
"I just don't like talking about problems."
"Everybody has them."
"Well, I can't."
The conversation about Matt's problems was obviously over.
- - - Why is he so... so... sad ? - - - Kari thought.
- - - Why does she want to know all this ? It's my business ! Mind your own, Kari ! - - -
- - - She nearly sounds like Tai. - - -
Kari and continued their journey to school, not talking to each other. Just thinking.
- - - Is she staring at me ? - - -
- - - I think he sees... God ! Kari ! Stop staring at him ! For God's sake ! Forget about it ! He's 14 years old ! That's way too old for you... You're only 11. - - -
- - - I need a painkiller. Yes. Later, Matt. Later. Controle yourself a bit. Everything will be fine when you're at school. - - -
- - - Don't make false promises to yourself, Matt ! - - -
- - - I wanna cut. I feel like cutting myself. - - -
Matt couldn't leave it. He preciously opened the buttons of his shirt and pulled his left sleeve up a bit. Just far enough to see the red cuts that sent chills down his spine everytime he looked at them. He felt them. He touched the marks. One of them was still bleeding a bit.
- - That's the one I gave myself this morning. - - -
- - - What's he doing ? - - - Kari thought, looking at Matt who was trying to close the buttons of his shirt again.
"Wait, I'll help." Kari said, taking Matt by his arm.
"No !" Matt yelled, pulling his arm back.
"What ? I just tried to help !"
"It's ok. Sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."
"It's ok, Matt."
- - - Ok, HE is acting strange ! - - - Kari thought.
They came at the school building. When they went to the lockers, Kari noticed Matt was acting nervous. He finally found his key after searching in his backpack and his jacket to find them in his pants.
- - - Silly me ! - - -
Kari said 'bye' to Matt and went off to her own locker, where she met Tai after a few minutes. They said 'hi', Tai tried to take Kari's candy bar and then finally got a piece. Like always. Kari told Tai about Matt acting so strange so Tai decided to talk with the blonde, even though he didn't really look forward to it, cause he was probably just gonna be avoid by Matt or worse... Matt would get upset and blah blah...
"Hi Matt !" Tai said, patting Matt on his shoulder.
"Oh, hi Tai." Matt said, not really seeming interested.
"Wazzup ?"
"Nothing much. Did you make those exercices we had to prepair ?"
"Yeah, sure. Here !" Tai said to Matt, already taking them from his backpack.
"I didn't say I needed them. I just wanted to inform wether you made them or not, that's all."
"Ok, ok ! Sorry !" Tai said, crossing his arms and leaning against a locker.
Matt didn't speak.
"Matt ? Are you still sick ? I mean-"
"No. I'm not sick anymore. I know what you mean, but I don't really wanna talk about it." Matt fake smiled.
"Ok... Do you wanna talk about anything ?"
"No."
"Anything at all ?"
"No ! Jesus ! Just shut up, will ya !" Matt shouted.
"Wow, sorry to bother you, Mr. Populair !" Tai snapped out at Matt.
At this, Matt closed his backpack and walked away from Tai, exactely knowing where to go. The bathroom.
"Wait ! Matt !!!" Tai called after him, not getting anything in response, except some weird looks from other kids.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt ran into the bathroom. He shut the door and locked it, quickly throwing all his stuff on the table.
- - - Come on ! Faster ! - - - He told himself, finding all what he needed.
He filled a glass with water and put the painkiller in it. His hands were shaking. He was trembling all over. He felt so guilty when he took the glass of the table and quickly drank it after having a last look at the white liquid.
- - - Here we go again. - - -
- - - And again. And again. - - -
- - - Again. Again. Again. - - -
Then he took his pocket-knife from the table and runned the blade through his own skin. He didn't feel the pain. But his arm did. The blood flew over the white table, into the lavabo. And then he gave himself another cut. He pulled his shirt up and ran the tin blade again, through the smooth skin of his belly. This was a big cut. It reached from his side to the middle of his belly.
"WHY ?!!" he yelled as pushing the blade in his side, not running it through, just pushing it in.
- - - STOP !!! - - -
"It hurts..." he whispered to himself, begging himself for mercy.
- - - STOP !!! - - -
"Please !"
This hurt. This hurt him very much. Finally, after about 8 seconds, he pulled the blade out, observing, seeing the blood spread on it.
"Why... ?"
"Why me ?"
"Why this ?" Matt whispered, nearly crying.
- - - My throat hurts. - - -
* KNOCK * KNOCK *
Matt froze.
"Matt ? Are you inhere ?" he heard, exactely knowing who it were.
"Matt !"
Sora and Mimi.
- - - Great. - - - he thought to himself, mentally cursing.
"What ?" Matt shouted, trying to sound like he normally did.
"What are you doing ?"
"What ? Me ?"
"Yeah !"
Matt quickly washed the blood from the knife and put everything into his backpack again.
- - - Shit. Shit. Shit. This is so bad. SO bad. - - -
He was ready, took a deep breath and unlocked the door.
"Hi Matt. What were you doing in there ?"
"Nothing much." He told them as passing them both.
"Look, I gotta go. Talk to you guys later !" he shouted, turning around the corner.
"Ok... What was THAT ?" Mimi said, frowning to where Matt had gone.
"Just leave him. Tai told us he's feeling depressed, eh ? And you know how he is like then... right ?"
"Yeah."
"Come on." Sora said, pulling Mimi with her.
- - - What WAS going on ? - - - Sora asked herself, also wondering.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt sat in class, together with Sora and Tai. Tai was constantly throwing weird looks and smiles to Matt, as if he tried to make him feel better for some reason.
Matt took his diary and shove it under his math book. He opened it and carefully read every word he'd been writing into it. Then he took a pencil and started to write something down.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear diary,
I'm sitting in class and wondering about how stupid I must be ! I'm writing in my diary in the middle of a lesson ! Stupid me ! I just cut myself again. In my arm and in my belly. The cut in my belly is gonna be a big scar, I'm sure about that. And then I did something very stupid. I pushed the blade of my pocket-knife right into my side. It hurt like shit !!! I can still feel coming blood out of it. My white shirt is all messed up and red, but luckily it doesn't go through my blazer. Very, very luckily. Fortunately, I took another painkiller, which does make me feel better now. I gotta go. Sorry. Talk to you later. I HATE MYSELF !!!!!!!!!!
Matt, the Confused.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Since that day, two weeks had passed, and yet, Matt wasn't feeling any better. It had only became worse, and now, he couldn't even get through the day without cutting himself or taking some painkillers. At least two, then. His inner rage had only became much, much worse ! Worser than he'd ever could've imagine. And now he fought with the idea of killing himself...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dearest diary,
I'm SO gonna kill myself ! I HATE myself ! I can't take the reflection in the mirror anymore !!! I wanna be somebody else ! So bad ! Look at me now ! I'm crying, writing in my diary in the bathroom in school !!! FUCK !!! LIFE SUCKS !!
Matt.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt threw the empty box of painkillers to the floor and smashed it with his foot. He had given all his precious money to this, cause stealing so much from the medicine cupboard, wouldn't stay unremarked.
He had already given himself several cuts. His body was all scar now. It looked so horrible. Wherever he pulled his shirt up, or opened a button, he saw the red marks, spread all over his beautiful body.
- - - I'm fucking myself up ! - - -
Matt had lost some weight, which caused him to look pale and skinnier than he already was. And that made others worry about him, of course.
"Hey Sora !" Tai called after the red head, walking down the school hall to her locker with Mimi.
"What ?" Sora asked, always smiling.
"Would you please come to the soccer field after school ?"
"Ok, why ?"
"We need to talk about something." Tai stated, very serious.
"Ok..." Mimi said, a little suspicious.
"What is it all about ? You seem to be so serious ?"
"You'll hear it then. Sorry, I can't say it here."
"Do we have to tell Matt ? Or Joe ?"
"No ! Don't tell Matt ! And the others already know."
"Why- ?"
"Especially DON'T tell anything to Matt !" Tai whispered, walking away.
When Tai was gone, Mimi and Sora gave each other strange looks.
"What do you think this is all about ?" Mimi asked Sora, still very confused.
"Matt."
"Matt ? What has he done wrong ?"
"I think I know."
"Then what ?"
"I'm not sure, but I think he's on drugs..."
Mimi gasped and almost screamed.
Her eyes grew wide.
"WHAT ?! Matt ? On drugs ?! No !" Mimi exclaimed.
"Ssshh !!!"
"No... You really think so ?"
"Yes, actually I do..."
"How long ?"
"You also noticed how pale and skinny he became, eh ? You said it yourself."
"Yeah, but that's not a reason for him to be on drugs. Are you sure ?"
"I don't know... I don't wanna assume anything but..."
"What ?"
"I've read in a magazine, that people who are on drugs also get a bit anti- social and you know Matt-"
"Yeah... Maybe... No ! It can't be true !"
"I know, there's a chance. So let us not assume things, ok ? And don't tell anything to anyone about this, ok ? Mimi ?"
"I promise." She said.
They both stared at Matt when he passed them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
After school...
Izzy was walking to the soccer field as suddenly he felt someone tapping him on his shoulder.
"Hi Davis !" Izzy said, quickly turning around.
"What are you doing here ?"
"Nothing. Just passing you and saying 'hi', that's all..." Davis mumbled.
"Sorry. Say 'hi' to Jun from me !" Izzy shouted as Davis walked further.
- - - Ohh... I thought he was also 'invited' ! Luckily not... - - - Izzy thought to himself, watching Davis.
When he came at the cafetaria, where they usually met, he saw Tai, Sora, Mimi and Joe waiting for him.
"Hello Izzy." They all greeted.
"Hi. So uhh... What's going on, Tai ?"
"And WHY could Matt not come with us ?"
"It's about him, isn't it ?"
"What's wrong ?"
"Please all be quiet !!!" Joe suddenly exclaimed, trying to keep some silence.
"It's about Matt, indeed..." he said, looking down.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Heh heh... sorry for this 'cliffy' ending, again. I hope y'all enjoyed and uhh... again THANK YOU for all those reviews. I really appreciate. Uhh... I hope nobody had a problem with the cutting scene ? -x-x-x- Mari-sama~
Black Rain - - - - - - - - - - by Mari-sama~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Hating" KoRn
My life is such a waste
Begging on something to work this time
But why can't I relate?
Feeling all I do is get what's mine
Holding on to faith, never gave me nothing but despair
So why do I create just to be swallowed?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't take (we have a start)
I can't take (we got a fantasy)
Come what may (we are the stars)
I can't wait (I'll take what's mine)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Been hating all this time before I crawled inside
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
Been hating all this time too far to cross the line
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I Cannot take this place
Burning up inside this space of mine
So why can't I replace, feelings I find hard to really find?
I try but I can't taste
Memories they always fuck with me
So why do I create just to be swallowed?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't take (we have a start)
I can't take (we got a fantasy)
Come what may (we are the stars)
I can't wait (I'll take what's mine)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Been hating all this time before I crawled inside
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
Been hating all this time too far to cross the line
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find,
find, find, find, find, find, find, find
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
All my feelings have been eating onto me
Feed inside, is there something wrong
with me?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can't take (we have a start)
I can't take (we got a fantasy)
Come what may (we are the stars)
I can't wait (I'll take what's mine)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Been hating all this time before I crawled inside
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find
Been hating all this time too far to cross the line
Been hating all the faces of everything that I could find,
find, find, find, find, find, find, find
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Oh no. - - -
- - - School. - - -
Yes, it was school again. The week with Nancy and TK was over. It had been fun, except for all the crying, cutting, yelling and seeking for redemption that, according to Matt, would never come.
But now, he was absolutely sure it would never ever come. School was hell. Today was gonna be one of the most hated days of Matt's school year. Even though he was prepared for everything. He had brought 3 painkillers, his pocket-knife and his diary.
- - - You never know. - - -
- - - Maybe I need it. - - -
Matt made his way through the streets of Odaiba, looking down and mentally dissing all the 'normal' people. The sky looked really dark. And it was cold. Very cold. He turned around another corner, thinking of what school was gonna be like today. Bad ? Good ? Fun ? Boring ?
- - - If I feel really bad, I can always lock myself in the bathroom. - - -
"Hey Matt !" the blonde suddenly heard.
To his surprise, it wasn't the voice he thought it was gonna be. It was a sweet girly voice. Kari.
- - - I wanna avoid her, but she's so friendly. And besides, she'd never notice the marks. - - -
- - - Gee... I have over 40 marks on my arm now... - - -
"Hi Kari." Matt said, not in a happy tone, not in a sad one either.
"You mind if I walk along with you ?"
"No, of course not !"
Kari smiled to Matt.
"Tai's gonna be so late !" she told him, laughing a bit, "He spilled his cornflakes all over his pants and he couldn't find any new !"
She laughed. Matt laughed too, even though it was as fake as Mimi's pink hair color.
"So... Matt ? How was the weekend with TK ?"
- - - How does she know ? Oh... Tai... - - -
"Well... it was great fun. But it rained all the time so we couldn't go outside, of course."
Kari nodded in agreement.
"Hey, Matt ?"
"What ?"
"Did you- ? Well... uhh... ? Is it-"
"True ? That my mom left me outside in the rain ?"
"Yes..."
"Yeah, it's true." Matt said.
Kari could feel the sorrow in his voice and put her hand on his shoulder.
"Hey... It's gonna get all better !"
"Right ! As if I believe that !" Matt snapped.
Kari was a little taken back when she heard Matt snapping at her.
"Kari, ohh... I'm sorry ! I just..."
"You don't wanna talk about it right now ?"
"I just don't like talking about problems."
"Everybody has them."
"Well, I can't."
The conversation about Matt's problems was obviously over.
- - - Why is he so... so... sad ? - - - Kari thought.
- - - Why does she want to know all this ? It's my business ! Mind your own, Kari ! - - -
- - - She nearly sounds like Tai. - - -
Kari and continued their journey to school, not talking to each other. Just thinking.
- - - Is she staring at me ? - - -
- - - I think he sees... God ! Kari ! Stop staring at him ! For God's sake ! Forget about it ! He's 14 years old ! That's way too old for you... You're only 11. - - -
- - - I need a painkiller. Yes. Later, Matt. Later. Controle yourself a bit. Everything will be fine when you're at school. - - -
- - - Don't make false promises to yourself, Matt ! - - -
- - - I wanna cut. I feel like cutting myself. - - -
Matt couldn't leave it. He preciously opened the buttons of his shirt and pulled his left sleeve up a bit. Just far enough to see the red cuts that sent chills down his spine everytime he looked at them. He felt them. He touched the marks. One of them was still bleeding a bit.
- - That's the one I gave myself this morning. - - -
- - - What's he doing ? - - - Kari thought, looking at Matt who was trying to close the buttons of his shirt again.
"Wait, I'll help." Kari said, taking Matt by his arm.
"No !" Matt yelled, pulling his arm back.
"What ? I just tried to help !"
"It's ok. Sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."
"It's ok, Matt."
- - - Ok, HE is acting strange ! - - - Kari thought.
They came at the school building. When they went to the lockers, Kari noticed Matt was acting nervous. He finally found his key after searching in his backpack and his jacket to find them in his pants.
- - - Silly me ! - - -
Kari said 'bye' to Matt and went off to her own locker, where she met Tai after a few minutes. They said 'hi', Tai tried to take Kari's candy bar and then finally got a piece. Like always. Kari told Tai about Matt acting so strange so Tai decided to talk with the blonde, even though he didn't really look forward to it, cause he was probably just gonna be avoid by Matt or worse... Matt would get upset and blah blah...
"Hi Matt !" Tai said, patting Matt on his shoulder.
"Oh, hi Tai." Matt said, not really seeming interested.
"Wazzup ?"
"Nothing much. Did you make those exercices we had to prepair ?"
"Yeah, sure. Here !" Tai said to Matt, already taking them from his backpack.
"I didn't say I needed them. I just wanted to inform wether you made them or not, that's all."
"Ok, ok ! Sorry !" Tai said, crossing his arms and leaning against a locker.
Matt didn't speak.
"Matt ? Are you still sick ? I mean-"
"No. I'm not sick anymore. I know what you mean, but I don't really wanna talk about it." Matt fake smiled.
"Ok... Do you wanna talk about anything ?"
"No."
"Anything at all ?"
"No ! Jesus ! Just shut up, will ya !" Matt shouted.
"Wow, sorry to bother you, Mr. Populair !" Tai snapped out at Matt.
At this, Matt closed his backpack and walked away from Tai, exactely knowing where to go. The bathroom.
"Wait ! Matt !!!" Tai called after him, not getting anything in response, except some weird looks from other kids.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt ran into the bathroom. He shut the door and locked it, quickly throwing all his stuff on the table.
- - - Come on ! Faster ! - - - He told himself, finding all what he needed.
He filled a glass with water and put the painkiller in it. His hands were shaking. He was trembling all over. He felt so guilty when he took the glass of the table and quickly drank it after having a last look at the white liquid.
- - - Here we go again. - - -
- - - And again. And again. - - -
- - - Again. Again. Again. - - -
Then he took his pocket-knife from the table and runned the blade through his own skin. He didn't feel the pain. But his arm did. The blood flew over the white table, into the lavabo. And then he gave himself another cut. He pulled his shirt up and ran the tin blade again, through the smooth skin of his belly. This was a big cut. It reached from his side to the middle of his belly.
"WHY ?!!" he yelled as pushing the blade in his side, not running it through, just pushing it in.
- - - STOP !!! - - -
"It hurts..." he whispered to himself, begging himself for mercy.
- - - STOP !!! - - -
"Please !"
This hurt. This hurt him very much. Finally, after about 8 seconds, he pulled the blade out, observing, seeing the blood spread on it.
"Why... ?"
"Why me ?"
"Why this ?" Matt whispered, nearly crying.
- - - My throat hurts. - - -
* KNOCK * KNOCK *
Matt froze.
"Matt ? Are you inhere ?" he heard, exactely knowing who it were.
"Matt !"
Sora and Mimi.
- - - Great. - - - he thought to himself, mentally cursing.
"What ?" Matt shouted, trying to sound like he normally did.
"What are you doing ?"
"What ? Me ?"
"Yeah !"
Matt quickly washed the blood from the knife and put everything into his backpack again.
- - - Shit. Shit. Shit. This is so bad. SO bad. - - -
He was ready, took a deep breath and unlocked the door.
"Hi Matt. What were you doing in there ?"
"Nothing much." He told them as passing them both.
"Look, I gotta go. Talk to you guys later !" he shouted, turning around the corner.
"Ok... What was THAT ?" Mimi said, frowning to where Matt had gone.
"Just leave him. Tai told us he's feeling depressed, eh ? And you know how he is like then... right ?"
"Yeah."
"Come on." Sora said, pulling Mimi with her.
- - - What WAS going on ? - - - Sora asked herself, also wondering.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt sat in class, together with Sora and Tai. Tai was constantly throwing weird looks and smiles to Matt, as if he tried to make him feel better for some reason.
Matt took his diary and shove it under his math book. He opened it and carefully read every word he'd been writing into it. Then he took a pencil and started to write something down.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear diary,
I'm sitting in class and wondering about how stupid I must be ! I'm writing in my diary in the middle of a lesson ! Stupid me ! I just cut myself again. In my arm and in my belly. The cut in my belly is gonna be a big scar, I'm sure about that. And then I did something very stupid. I pushed the blade of my pocket-knife right into my side. It hurt like shit !!! I can still feel coming blood out of it. My white shirt is all messed up and red, but luckily it doesn't go through my blazer. Very, very luckily. Fortunately, I took another painkiller, which does make me feel better now. I gotta go. Sorry. Talk to you later. I HATE MYSELF !!!!!!!!!!
Matt, the Confused.
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Since that day, two weeks had passed, and yet, Matt wasn't feeling any better. It had only became worse, and now, he couldn't even get through the day without cutting himself or taking some painkillers. At least two, then. His inner rage had only became much, much worse ! Worser than he'd ever could've imagine. And now he fought with the idea of killing himself...
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Dearest diary,
I'm SO gonna kill myself ! I HATE myself ! I can't take the reflection in the mirror anymore !!! I wanna be somebody else ! So bad ! Look at me now ! I'm crying, writing in my diary in the bathroom in school !!! FUCK !!! LIFE SUCKS !!
Matt.
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Matt threw the empty box of painkillers to the floor and smashed it with his foot. He had given all his precious money to this, cause stealing so much from the medicine cupboard, wouldn't stay unremarked.
He had already given himself several cuts. His body was all scar now. It looked so horrible. Wherever he pulled his shirt up, or opened a button, he saw the red marks, spread all over his beautiful body.
- - - I'm fucking myself up ! - - -
Matt had lost some weight, which caused him to look pale and skinnier than he already was. And that made others worry about him, of course.
"Hey Sora !" Tai called after the red head, walking down the school hall to her locker with Mimi.
"What ?" Sora asked, always smiling.
"Would you please come to the soccer field after school ?"
"Ok, why ?"
"We need to talk about something." Tai stated, very serious.
"Ok..." Mimi said, a little suspicious.
"What is it all about ? You seem to be so serious ?"
"You'll hear it then. Sorry, I can't say it here."
"Do we have to tell Matt ? Or Joe ?"
"No ! Don't tell Matt ! And the others already know."
"Why- ?"
"Especially DON'T tell anything to Matt !" Tai whispered, walking away.
When Tai was gone, Mimi and Sora gave each other strange looks.
"What do you think this is all about ?" Mimi asked Sora, still very confused.
"Matt."
"Matt ? What has he done wrong ?"
"I think I know."
"Then what ?"
"I'm not sure, but I think he's on drugs..."
Mimi gasped and almost screamed.
Her eyes grew wide.
"WHAT ?! Matt ? On drugs ?! No !" Mimi exclaimed.
"Ssshh !!!"
"No... You really think so ?"
"Yes, actually I do..."
"How long ?"
"You also noticed how pale and skinny he became, eh ? You said it yourself."
"Yeah, but that's not a reason for him to be on drugs. Are you sure ?"
"I don't know... I don't wanna assume anything but..."
"What ?"
"I've read in a magazine, that people who are on drugs also get a bit anti- social and you know Matt-"
"Yeah... Maybe... No ! It can't be true !"
"I know, there's a chance. So let us not assume things, ok ? And don't tell anything to anyone about this, ok ? Mimi ?"
"I promise." She said.
They both stared at Matt when he passed them.
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After school...
Izzy was walking to the soccer field as suddenly he felt someone tapping him on his shoulder.
"Hi Davis !" Izzy said, quickly turning around.
"What are you doing here ?"
"Nothing. Just passing you and saying 'hi', that's all..." Davis mumbled.
"Sorry. Say 'hi' to Jun from me !" Izzy shouted as Davis walked further.
- - - Ohh... I thought he was also 'invited' ! Luckily not... - - - Izzy thought to himself, watching Davis.
When he came at the cafetaria, where they usually met, he saw Tai, Sora, Mimi and Joe waiting for him.
"Hello Izzy." They all greeted.
"Hi. So uhh... What's going on, Tai ?"
"And WHY could Matt not come with us ?"
"It's about him, isn't it ?"
"What's wrong ?"
"Please all be quiet !!!" Joe suddenly exclaimed, trying to keep some silence.
"It's about Matt, indeed..." he said, looking down.
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Heh heh... sorry for this 'cliffy' ending, again. I hope y'all enjoyed and uhh... again THANK YOU for all those reviews. I really appreciate. Uhh... I hope nobody had a problem with the cutting scene ? -x-x-x- Mari-sama~