This is the next chapter (finally !) ! Sorry that it took so long but as I
told you, I was someplace else. So I couldn't finish this chapter.
Pff...OK. On with the story. I hope you still know what happened. THANK YOU
for all the reviews !!! They're so much support ! When I'm writing now, I
think of all of you who want me to finish and that gives me strength to
write on !!! ^^ Thank you thank you thank you thank you ! In this chapter,
as a lyric, I used Kate Winslet's 'What If'. Maybe if you hear it on the
radio, it sounds like a love song (which, in fact, it is -_-) but if you
read the text really carefully, you'll see that it's perfect for my story.
Only 'man' should be 'guy' or 'boy'. Ok, ok. I said everything. Please R
and R !
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On The Verge Of A Waterfall --------( by Mari-sama.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What If - Kate Winslet
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"He feels cold." Nancy cried, touching Matt's cheek.
"Yes, he's suffering anemia." The doctor said.
"Anemia ?"
"Yes, he lost too much blood."
"What's gonna happen now ?" Nancy said, tears filling her voice.
"He's remaining comatose until he's a bit stronger."
"Why should he remain comatose ?"
"Because his body has lost way too much blood and now he'd only feel bad and weak so it's the best that we let him like this."
"How long ?"
"One week."
"One week ?!" Nancy exclaimed.
"Yes, his heart had nearly stopped beating. His blood wasn't flowing through his body anymore. And his heart has to recover now."
"Oh God..."
"Do I have to leave you alone with him for a while ?"
"Yes, that's ok." Nancy said, blinking tears back.
The doctor left the room and shut the door very softly.
- - - Why, Matt ? - - -
- - - Why would you do something like this ? - - -
- - - And the cuts... - - -
- - - And the painkillers. - - -
"Why did you do this !?!" Nancy yelled to her son.
Matt was as white as a sheet. His lips had a blue white color which made him look dead. And his closed eyes were all red.
Nancy took Matt's left arm from under the blanket and touched the scars with her fingers.
"Why did you do this... ?" Nancy whispered.
She looked at the bandage around his wrist.
"Didn't it hurt you ?"
She went to sit on the bed, and hugged him. Only a small hug, cause it was impossible to hug him tight without pulling the tubes loose.
"You- didn't you know that I love you ?" Nancy cried.
"If you had been dead I-I Oh God ! If you'd been dead..."
Tears streamed down Nancy's cheeks. Matt didn't move, he didn't cry, he just lay in the bed, with tubes and other stuff, making him look so dead.
"You're comatose. I don't know if you hear me, but the doctors keep telling me to talk to you. Even though you can't answer. And I have so much questions for you, Matt... And TK... he didn't see you yet. I can't let him see you, right ?! Right !? Please just say something, Matt !!"
- - - I love you so much. - - -
Nancy didn't speak. It was quiet for a moment. Only Matt's respiration was heard. It was slow...calm...and empty.
"I love you so much, Matt. I love you so much..."
She broke down in tears again, they flew down her face. She just couldn't help it.
"I'm going outside now, o-ok ? I'll be back soon, Matt. B-be strong for me, sweetie..." Nancy said, sobbing, and closing the door very quiet. As if she didn't want to wake him up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"How is he, mom ?" TK asked, jumping off his chair.
"Can I go to him now ?"
TK started to cry when Nancy shook her head.
"He's my brother ! I wanna see him ! I wanna go in, mom ! I wanna see Matt !"
"But TK, he's too-"
"I don't care what he is ! I wanna hear his voice again ! Now !"
"TK..." Nancy said, trying to calm her youngest down by taking his arms and letting him sit down on the chair again.
"Matt can't explain anything to us now... He's in a coma, for a week maximum. The doctors have to keep him in a coma."
"Matt ? In a coma... ?" TK whispered, his eyes filling with tears again...
Kari sat next to TK with her mother and Tai. Tai, who had been in a bit of a shock the passed hour, hadn't seen Matt either, and wasn't sure wether he could.
- - - Why did you do this, Matt ? - - - Kari thought, feeling tears in her eyes too.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That evening, at Tai's...
Kari was walking up the stairs, ready to go to bed.
"Kari ?" She heard her brother asking, very quiet, and if she'd heard it right, with tears in his voice.
"Tai ? Where are you ?"
"In my room."
Kari walked to Tai's room and went to sit on the red carpet on the floor. She sighed when she saw Tai's tearstained eyes.
He wiped his tears away.
"Do you think Matt will hate me now ?" Tai asked, shaking.
"What ?! Why would he hate you, Tai ? You saved his life ! He should be grateful for that !"
"Yeah I know, but... He wanted to die and I saved him, probably against his will so..."
"He won't be mad at you."
"Do you really think so ? I don't know... I don't know it anymore..."
"Don't be depressed !"
"Sorry, Kari. I didn't mean to say that."
"It's ok... In fact, I don't really know it anymore either..."
"Do you still- well... Do you-?"
"Yes..."
"Are you gonna tell him when he wakes up ?"
"I don't think so... It would all sound so wrong and I'd make a fool of myself."
Tai sighed, so did Kari. Then she spoke, tears stinging her eyes.
"I really love him."
"I know, Kari. I know..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day...
"Mom, I'm ready to go to school !" TK yelled.
His mother was downstairs, making herself ready to go to work. She quickly took her purse from the table and her wallet. Then she turned around and saw TK standing in the doorframe.
"Hi mom. Are you ready now ?" he whined.
"Yeah yeah, in a minute."
She continued searching some stuff from work and then said :
"TK, are you sure you wanna go to school ?"
"Why wouldn't I ?" TK said.
- - - I know it's Matt you're talking about, and NO, I don't wanna go to school. And I won't, mom. I won't. - - -
"You know, Matt and... It only happened yesterday..."
TK went to his mother and hugged her.
"Bye, mom." TK said, racing away.
"I have to catch the bus !"
"Bye..." Nancy said.
- - - How can you, TK ? How can you not care about your brother ? - - -
- - - He tried to kill himself yesterday... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
TK jumped on the bus, as soon as it stopped.
"One to the Sacred Heart Hospital, please."
TK took his ticket from the bus driver's hand and mumbled a 'thank you'.
He went to the back of the bus where he placed himself on one of the warm seats.
- - - I'm on my way, Matt... - - -
- - - You know I'll always be there for you, right ? - - -
- - - I love you. - - -
- - - Now I realize that I didn't say that often enough... - - -
- - - I love you, big brother... - - -
The ride wasn't very long, and as soon as TK saw the huge white building appearing from behind the trees, he pushed the STOP button and jumped off the bus when it stopped. Right before the entrance.
He asked a lady from the reception where Matt lay, and then took the elevator to the 2nd floor.
"Room 288..." he mumbled, seeking that room in the long corridor.
- - - I hope my mom and dad are at work now, and that I don't meet them here... - - -
There it was... Nr 288... He stopped.
Suddenly TK hesitated.
- - - Should I really go in ? - - - he thought.
He took a deep breath and then walked up to the door. He slowly opened it...
"Matt ?" he asked.
Then he saw Matt.
TK gasped as he saw the person that was supposed to be his brother.
"Matt ?" he asked again.
His eyes became all red, he could feel. And tears formed in his eyes too.
"Matt... Why did you do this ? Why did you do this ?!!" he yelled at his brother.
- - - WHY ?!?! - - -
"I thought you were grown up and smart !!! I thought you were perfect ! Why then ?!"
"Answer me !!!"
TK burst out in tears and dropped himself on the bed, at Matt's feet. Closer he didn't dare to come.
It was quiet. Only Matt's respiration and TK's sobs could be heard. And some weird beeps and other hospital sounds.
"I love you..."
"You know I love you, right ?"
"I was always there for you..."
"I didn't want you to die ! Nobody did..."
"Did anybody ever say to you that you should die ?"
"I don't think so... and if there would be someone like that, you know... I'd wanna kick that person's ass... cause you know, Matt ? Your my big brother and I love you."
Crystal tears went down TK's cheeks.
"I always thought that you loved me... But why would you try to kill yourself then ? Was it me ? Did I do something wrong ?"
"I didn't mean to hurt you, if it's my fault."
"I never meant to hurt you, you know ?"
"You were always the one that made me smile..."
"I wished that you had shown your smile more often..."
"I remember a few days ago, that you were fighting with mom when she came over to your place, and you said that you couldn't smile anymore. I don't understand... How can you not smile ?"
"If you succeed making me smile, how come that you don't make yourself smile from time to time ?"
"I wish you could smile now."
"Even though that seems a bit hard to me with al those tubes and stuff..."
"You should see yourself now. You wouldn't be so happy, I think. You don't have gell in your hair, you know ?"
"But you still look beautiful, Matt..."
"No matter how you look like, no matter how much tubes you got there, no matter what you do, you'll always be beautiful to me."
"Cause you're my brother."
"I'm here for you."
"If you wanna talk to somebody, you should come to me."
"You know what else..." TK said after a short pause.
"Mom is really sad. She never ever meant to hurt you ! She feels guilty, and so does dad."
TK saw the marks on Matt's arm.
"You made those, didn't you ?"
"I know you did, Tai told me yesterday evening. Cause mom didn't wanna tell me, of course..."
"He saw you when you cut yourself in the bathroom at school."
"But I don't care. I don't care !"
TK touched the red marks on his brother's arm.
"I don't care..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I love you too, TK... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I wanna wake up and tell you that I love you... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - But I can't. I'm trapped inside my own body... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm sorry for not dying. - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - That had been so much better, you know... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Nobody would have felt guilty... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - And I'd be free... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The school was empty without Matt. The corridors were cold and everywhere Tai looked, he searched for Matt's face, but then realized, that his friend wasn't here.
Tai was walking to Sora. He had to tell her about Matt, cause he didn't call her yet.
- - - Ok, calm down, Tai... Everything will be fine... - - -
- - - After all, he did NOT die. - - -
"Hey Tai ! Where's Matt ?"
"Hi Sora."
"Did you go to his apartment ?"
"Yes, I did. But-"
Sora felt how Tai got nervous and his voice was... empty...
"Sora, Matt tried to kill himself yesterday."
Sora's mouth fell open, and her eyes grew wide, and after a few seconds, when she realized what Tai had said, tears formed in her eyes too...
"W-what ?" she whispered.
"He's not dead. He's remaining comatose till next week."
"How ?" she brought out, crying.
"He slit his wrists, Sora..."
"Oh God... No !" Sora said, hugging Tai.
She cried and soon, Tai felt his eyes sting too.
"No...no no no... Not Matt..."
"It's ok, Sora... He'll be fine. He'll be ok..."
Sora loosened her grip and wiped her tears away.
"Is he ok ?"
"I think so... I didn't see him yet, but I'm going to the hospital after school."
"Can I please come with you, Tai ? Please ?" Sora asked, still crying.
"Of course..." Tai said, his voice shaking, on the verge of tears.
"Did you tell the others ?"
"No, not yet. Izzy knows, and Joe and Mimi, and Kari and TK of course, but the rest, no..."
"Do you want me to tell Yolei ?"
"Yeah, ok. I'll tell Davis and the rest, ok ?"
"Ok..." Sora said, another tear escaping from her eye.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two days later...
Matt's condition was still the same, but the doctors had taken some tubes away. Everybody had visited him and told him how much everybody loved him, but still, the grief was there. Everybody at school missed his face. His pretty face that made all the girls stare.
Tai missed Matt so much, that he wished that Matt just could give him a punch in his face right away. Or he wanted to hear 'you baka !' just for one last time. Only to hear Matt's voice.
Kari cried all night. She couldn't find peace anymore. Her love for Matt had just became stronger and the more she thought about him, the more she loved him. Even though she was sure that she couldn't be with him.
She and Tai went to Matt every day after school, and sometimes in the evening too, with TK. TK... He felt very sad too, just for not being there for his big brother when he had needed someone... Something that Matt had always been for TK. There. To be there for someone in trouble was the best gift to give, according to TK. And now he realized, that he hadn't been there for his brother.
And Nancy... she felt like it was her fault that Matt had tried to kill himslf. Her sorrow was so big, that she couldn't do anything else but to go to her son and to talk to him about everything that happened. She and Matt's dad were gonna meet today at Nancy's house, to talk about what had happened with their son.
The bell rang. RING RING RING
Nancy quickly stood up from the chair she sat on and ran to the door to open it.
"Hi Nancy." Mr. Ishida said, smiling a bit.
"Hello. Come in." She said as showing her ex-husband the way to the living room.
"So... Do you want anything to drink ?" she asked.
"No, no, I'm fine. Thanks."
Then there was a silence. Nancy was the first one to speak again.
"So um... What are we gonna do about this whole thing ?"
"In fact, Nancy, I have no idea but I talked to the doctor yesterday and asked him for some advice."
"And ? What did he say ?"
"We are free to choose, but it's the best, according to him, that we send Matt to a good psychiatrist."
"Ok, that's good. We will do that."
"The doctor also said that we can't send him from here to my place and back all the time. He has to stay somewhere for a while. Somewhere where he stays during the time he goes to the psychiatrist."
"Oh... ok. Uhm... But where then ?"
"I don't know..."
"Where do you want him to stay ?"
"I don't know what he'd want, but I think it would be better if he stays here. So I can go to work."
"And I ? I have to work too."
"Yes, I know, but I can always give you half of the money I make."
"What ?"
"You know I can't take a break from work. I have to be there. 24 hours a day ! There's always things going on. There's always news."
"I understand, but why can't he just go to school ?"
"School ? Matt ?"
"I don't know what the doctor said ! I wasn't there."
"He said that Matt has to stay home for a week. He'll miss 2 weeks from school but that's not a problem, compared to what he's going through !"
"Yeah, ok. So you'd be willing to give me half of the money you make ?"
"Yeah, of course. It's for Matt."
"Ok, I can live with that. That's good."
"So he'll be staying with you and TK ?"
"Ok."
"Good."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Again, thank you for reading !!! And now... Please review ? Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you ! I really love you guys ! I promise there will be another chapter up soon, very soon. As soon as possible. And uhh... the story is far from ending, is all I can say. There are a lot of sad things that are gonna happen in the following chapters, so keep reading ! -x-x-x- Love you and everybody out there. -x-x-x- *kiss* ! Mari-sama~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On The Verge Of A Waterfall --------( by Mari-sama.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What If - Kate Winslet
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keep on spinning in my mind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"He feels cold." Nancy cried, touching Matt's cheek.
"Yes, he's suffering anemia." The doctor said.
"Anemia ?"
"Yes, he lost too much blood."
"What's gonna happen now ?" Nancy said, tears filling her voice.
"He's remaining comatose until he's a bit stronger."
"Why should he remain comatose ?"
"Because his body has lost way too much blood and now he'd only feel bad and weak so it's the best that we let him like this."
"How long ?"
"One week."
"One week ?!" Nancy exclaimed.
"Yes, his heart had nearly stopped beating. His blood wasn't flowing through his body anymore. And his heart has to recover now."
"Oh God..."
"Do I have to leave you alone with him for a while ?"
"Yes, that's ok." Nancy said, blinking tears back.
The doctor left the room and shut the door very softly.
- - - Why, Matt ? - - -
- - - Why would you do something like this ? - - -
- - - And the cuts... - - -
- - - And the painkillers. - - -
"Why did you do this !?!" Nancy yelled to her son.
Matt was as white as a sheet. His lips had a blue white color which made him look dead. And his closed eyes were all red.
Nancy took Matt's left arm from under the blanket and touched the scars with her fingers.
"Why did you do this... ?" Nancy whispered.
She looked at the bandage around his wrist.
"Didn't it hurt you ?"
She went to sit on the bed, and hugged him. Only a small hug, cause it was impossible to hug him tight without pulling the tubes loose.
"You- didn't you know that I love you ?" Nancy cried.
"If you had been dead I-I Oh God ! If you'd been dead..."
Tears streamed down Nancy's cheeks. Matt didn't move, he didn't cry, he just lay in the bed, with tubes and other stuff, making him look so dead.
"You're comatose. I don't know if you hear me, but the doctors keep telling me to talk to you. Even though you can't answer. And I have so much questions for you, Matt... And TK... he didn't see you yet. I can't let him see you, right ?! Right !? Please just say something, Matt !!"
- - - I love you so much. - - -
Nancy didn't speak. It was quiet for a moment. Only Matt's respiration was heard. It was slow...calm...and empty.
"I love you so much, Matt. I love you so much..."
She broke down in tears again, they flew down her face. She just couldn't help it.
"I'm going outside now, o-ok ? I'll be back soon, Matt. B-be strong for me, sweetie..." Nancy said, sobbing, and closing the door very quiet. As if she didn't want to wake him up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"How is he, mom ?" TK asked, jumping off his chair.
"Can I go to him now ?"
TK started to cry when Nancy shook her head.
"He's my brother ! I wanna see him ! I wanna go in, mom ! I wanna see Matt !"
"But TK, he's too-"
"I don't care what he is ! I wanna hear his voice again ! Now !"
"TK..." Nancy said, trying to calm her youngest down by taking his arms and letting him sit down on the chair again.
"Matt can't explain anything to us now... He's in a coma, for a week maximum. The doctors have to keep him in a coma."
"Matt ? In a coma... ?" TK whispered, his eyes filling with tears again...
Kari sat next to TK with her mother and Tai. Tai, who had been in a bit of a shock the passed hour, hadn't seen Matt either, and wasn't sure wether he could.
- - - Why did you do this, Matt ? - - - Kari thought, feeling tears in her eyes too.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That evening, at Tai's...
Kari was walking up the stairs, ready to go to bed.
"Kari ?" She heard her brother asking, very quiet, and if she'd heard it right, with tears in his voice.
"Tai ? Where are you ?"
"In my room."
Kari walked to Tai's room and went to sit on the red carpet on the floor. She sighed when she saw Tai's tearstained eyes.
He wiped his tears away.
"Do you think Matt will hate me now ?" Tai asked, shaking.
"What ?! Why would he hate you, Tai ? You saved his life ! He should be grateful for that !"
"Yeah I know, but... He wanted to die and I saved him, probably against his will so..."
"He won't be mad at you."
"Do you really think so ? I don't know... I don't know it anymore..."
"Don't be depressed !"
"Sorry, Kari. I didn't mean to say that."
"It's ok... In fact, I don't really know it anymore either..."
"Do you still- well... Do you-?"
"Yes..."
"Are you gonna tell him when he wakes up ?"
"I don't think so... It would all sound so wrong and I'd make a fool of myself."
Tai sighed, so did Kari. Then she spoke, tears stinging her eyes.
"I really love him."
"I know, Kari. I know..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next day...
"Mom, I'm ready to go to school !" TK yelled.
His mother was downstairs, making herself ready to go to work. She quickly took her purse from the table and her wallet. Then she turned around and saw TK standing in the doorframe.
"Hi mom. Are you ready now ?" he whined.
"Yeah yeah, in a minute."
She continued searching some stuff from work and then said :
"TK, are you sure you wanna go to school ?"
"Why wouldn't I ?" TK said.
- - - I know it's Matt you're talking about, and NO, I don't wanna go to school. And I won't, mom. I won't. - - -
"You know, Matt and... It only happened yesterday..."
TK went to his mother and hugged her.
"Bye, mom." TK said, racing away.
"I have to catch the bus !"
"Bye..." Nancy said.
- - - How can you, TK ? How can you not care about your brother ? - - -
- - - He tried to kill himself yesterday... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
TK jumped on the bus, as soon as it stopped.
"One to the Sacred Heart Hospital, please."
TK took his ticket from the bus driver's hand and mumbled a 'thank you'.
He went to the back of the bus where he placed himself on one of the warm seats.
- - - I'm on my way, Matt... - - -
- - - You know I'll always be there for you, right ? - - -
- - - I love you. - - -
- - - Now I realize that I didn't say that often enough... - - -
- - - I love you, big brother... - - -
The ride wasn't very long, and as soon as TK saw the huge white building appearing from behind the trees, he pushed the STOP button and jumped off the bus when it stopped. Right before the entrance.
He asked a lady from the reception where Matt lay, and then took the elevator to the 2nd floor.
"Room 288..." he mumbled, seeking that room in the long corridor.
- - - I hope my mom and dad are at work now, and that I don't meet them here... - - -
There it was... Nr 288... He stopped.
Suddenly TK hesitated.
- - - Should I really go in ? - - - he thought.
He took a deep breath and then walked up to the door. He slowly opened it...
"Matt ?" he asked.
Then he saw Matt.
TK gasped as he saw the person that was supposed to be his brother.
"Matt ?" he asked again.
His eyes became all red, he could feel. And tears formed in his eyes too.
"Matt... Why did you do this ? Why did you do this ?!!" he yelled at his brother.
- - - WHY ?!?! - - -
"I thought you were grown up and smart !!! I thought you were perfect ! Why then ?!"
"Answer me !!!"
TK burst out in tears and dropped himself on the bed, at Matt's feet. Closer he didn't dare to come.
It was quiet. Only Matt's respiration and TK's sobs could be heard. And some weird beeps and other hospital sounds.
"I love you..."
"You know I love you, right ?"
"I was always there for you..."
"I didn't want you to die ! Nobody did..."
"Did anybody ever say to you that you should die ?"
"I don't think so... and if there would be someone like that, you know... I'd wanna kick that person's ass... cause you know, Matt ? Your my big brother and I love you."
Crystal tears went down TK's cheeks.
"I always thought that you loved me... But why would you try to kill yourself then ? Was it me ? Did I do something wrong ?"
"I didn't mean to hurt you, if it's my fault."
"I never meant to hurt you, you know ?"
"You were always the one that made me smile..."
"I wished that you had shown your smile more often..."
"I remember a few days ago, that you were fighting with mom when she came over to your place, and you said that you couldn't smile anymore. I don't understand... How can you not smile ?"
"If you succeed making me smile, how come that you don't make yourself smile from time to time ?"
"I wish you could smile now."
"Even though that seems a bit hard to me with al those tubes and stuff..."
"You should see yourself now. You wouldn't be so happy, I think. You don't have gell in your hair, you know ?"
"But you still look beautiful, Matt..."
"No matter how you look like, no matter how much tubes you got there, no matter what you do, you'll always be beautiful to me."
"Cause you're my brother."
"I'm here for you."
"If you wanna talk to somebody, you should come to me."
"You know what else..." TK said after a short pause.
"Mom is really sad. She never ever meant to hurt you ! She feels guilty, and so does dad."
TK saw the marks on Matt's arm.
"You made those, didn't you ?"
"I know you did, Tai told me yesterday evening. Cause mom didn't wanna tell me, of course..."
"He saw you when you cut yourself in the bathroom at school."
"But I don't care. I don't care !"
TK touched the red marks on his brother's arm.
"I don't care..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I love you too, TK... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I wanna wake up and tell you that I love you... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - But I can't. I'm trapped inside my own body... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm sorry for not dying. - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - That had been so much better, you know... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Nobody would have felt guilty... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - And I'd be free... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The school was empty without Matt. The corridors were cold and everywhere Tai looked, he searched for Matt's face, but then realized, that his friend wasn't here.
Tai was walking to Sora. He had to tell her about Matt, cause he didn't call her yet.
- - - Ok, calm down, Tai... Everything will be fine... - - -
- - - After all, he did NOT die. - - -
"Hey Tai ! Where's Matt ?"
"Hi Sora."
"Did you go to his apartment ?"
"Yes, I did. But-"
Sora felt how Tai got nervous and his voice was... empty...
"Sora, Matt tried to kill himself yesterday."
Sora's mouth fell open, and her eyes grew wide, and after a few seconds, when she realized what Tai had said, tears formed in her eyes too...
"W-what ?" she whispered.
"He's not dead. He's remaining comatose till next week."
"How ?" she brought out, crying.
"He slit his wrists, Sora..."
"Oh God... No !" Sora said, hugging Tai.
She cried and soon, Tai felt his eyes sting too.
"No...no no no... Not Matt..."
"It's ok, Sora... He'll be fine. He'll be ok..."
Sora loosened her grip and wiped her tears away.
"Is he ok ?"
"I think so... I didn't see him yet, but I'm going to the hospital after school."
"Can I please come with you, Tai ? Please ?" Sora asked, still crying.
"Of course..." Tai said, his voice shaking, on the verge of tears.
"Did you tell the others ?"
"No, not yet. Izzy knows, and Joe and Mimi, and Kari and TK of course, but the rest, no..."
"Do you want me to tell Yolei ?"
"Yeah, ok. I'll tell Davis and the rest, ok ?"
"Ok..." Sora said, another tear escaping from her eye.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Two days later...
Matt's condition was still the same, but the doctors had taken some tubes away. Everybody had visited him and told him how much everybody loved him, but still, the grief was there. Everybody at school missed his face. His pretty face that made all the girls stare.
Tai missed Matt so much, that he wished that Matt just could give him a punch in his face right away. Or he wanted to hear 'you baka !' just for one last time. Only to hear Matt's voice.
Kari cried all night. She couldn't find peace anymore. Her love for Matt had just became stronger and the more she thought about him, the more she loved him. Even though she was sure that she couldn't be with him.
She and Tai went to Matt every day after school, and sometimes in the evening too, with TK. TK... He felt very sad too, just for not being there for his big brother when he had needed someone... Something that Matt had always been for TK. There. To be there for someone in trouble was the best gift to give, according to TK. And now he realized, that he hadn't been there for his brother.
And Nancy... she felt like it was her fault that Matt had tried to kill himslf. Her sorrow was so big, that she couldn't do anything else but to go to her son and to talk to him about everything that happened. She and Matt's dad were gonna meet today at Nancy's house, to talk about what had happened with their son.
The bell rang. RING RING RING
Nancy quickly stood up from the chair she sat on and ran to the door to open it.
"Hi Nancy." Mr. Ishida said, smiling a bit.
"Hello. Come in." She said as showing her ex-husband the way to the living room.
"So... Do you want anything to drink ?" she asked.
"No, no, I'm fine. Thanks."
Then there was a silence. Nancy was the first one to speak again.
"So um... What are we gonna do about this whole thing ?"
"In fact, Nancy, I have no idea but I talked to the doctor yesterday and asked him for some advice."
"And ? What did he say ?"
"We are free to choose, but it's the best, according to him, that we send Matt to a good psychiatrist."
"Ok, that's good. We will do that."
"The doctor also said that we can't send him from here to my place and back all the time. He has to stay somewhere for a while. Somewhere where he stays during the time he goes to the psychiatrist."
"Oh... ok. Uhm... But where then ?"
"I don't know..."
"Where do you want him to stay ?"
"I don't know what he'd want, but I think it would be better if he stays here. So I can go to work."
"And I ? I have to work too."
"Yes, I know, but I can always give you half of the money I make."
"What ?"
"You know I can't take a break from work. I have to be there. 24 hours a day ! There's always things going on. There's always news."
"I understand, but why can't he just go to school ?"
"School ? Matt ?"
"I don't know what the doctor said ! I wasn't there."
"He said that Matt has to stay home for a week. He'll miss 2 weeks from school but that's not a problem, compared to what he's going through !"
"Yeah, ok. So you'd be willing to give me half of the money you make ?"
"Yeah, of course. It's for Matt."
"Ok, I can live with that. That's good."
"So he'll be staying with you and TK ?"
"Ok."
"Good."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Again, thank you for reading !!! And now... Please review ? Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you ! I really love you guys ! I promise there will be another chapter up soon, very soon. As soon as possible. And uhh... the story is far from ending, is all I can say. There are a lot of sad things that are gonna happen in the following chapters, so keep reading ! -x-x-x- Love you and everybody out there. -x-x-x- *kiss* ! Mari-sama~