Hello, hello everybody ! Thank you for the reviews, first of all. I LOVE
you ! Uhh... ok... What was next ? Oh yeah. I'm SORRY that it took so long,
but I have so much homework ! And I hate it. I really hate it. But yeah...
I still have to do it, so uhm... First part of the finals (something creepy
from Belgium) are coming up so I won't be writing for a while. I hope I can
finish the 8th chapter next weekend, but I'm not sure... Again : SORRY
SORRY SORRY ! Ok, the lyric. It's Michael Jackson's 'Stranger In Moscow'. I
don't really like the man, but the lyric is good for my story so... Thank
you, Michael. Ok, on with the story ! -x-x-x- Enjoy !
Disclaimer : I do NOT own Digimon.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson - Stranger in Moscow
I was wandering in the rain
Mask of life, feelin' insane
Swift and sudden fall from grace
Sunny days seem far away
The dark shadow belittlin' me
It just won't let me be
On and on and on it came
Wish the rain would just let me be
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here abandoned in my fame
Armageddon of the brain
KGB was doggin' me
Take my name and just let me be
Then a boy called my name
Happy days will drown the pain
On and on and on it came
And again, and again, and again...
Take my name and just let me be
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel (How does it feel now)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel (How does it feel now)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Like a stranger in Moscow
Like a stranger in Moscow
We're talkin' danger
We're talkin' danger baby
Like a stranger in Moscow
We're talkin' danger
We're talkin' danger baby
Like a stranger in Moscow
I'm livin' lonely
I'm livin' lonely baby
A stranger in Moscow - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
All waves go down - - - - - - - - - - by Mari-sama~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That evening, like all the others, Tai sat by Matt's side on the white blankets of his bed.
He stared at Matt.
Matt's eyes were closed. As if he were sleeping, very peaceful, yet he had a very confused look on his face. He looked like he was tired to death.
"You knew I found out about it, didn't you ?"
"But that's not a reason to do it !"
"To kill yourself... Well, to try to kill yourself..."
"I'm glad you didn't actually died, you know ?"
"Because, Matt... I really care about you."
"And I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I had been too late..."
"Just imagine..."
"That you wouldn't be able to celebrate next Christmas ?"
"Or TK's birthday ?"
"That you wouldn't be able to punch me in the face anymore ?"
"Gee, I'd really miss that..."
"Or..."
"That you wouldn't be able to worry other people all the time by wandering around and being depressed and sad..."
"I'd miss that too, you know ?"
"I think I'd just miss everything."
"You, and all the things you do."
"I don't wanna lose you, Matt..."
"For the past years, I've been your friend and you were mine."
"Friends are supposed to tell each other everything..."
"But we were different."
"You never really told me about how you feel."
"If you'd have said anything to me, I'd have been there to help you !"
"I'd have been there to stop you on time !"
"Not to find you when it was too late..."
"You don't know what hell I'm going through !"
"You don't know what I dream during the night !"
"You don't know what I think all the time !"
"You don't know anything !"
"I see your face all the time, wherever I go !"
"I dream of you, finding you when it's too late ! Lying in a puddle of your own blood ! I dream of you standing at my bed and telling me that I was too late ! That I failed as a friend !"
"I always think of you, Matt !"
"What if he doesn't get better at all ?"
"What if he tries to commit suicide again ?"
"And what if he dies ?"
"I can't handle it anymore !"
"I can't handle it anymore !!!"
"I CAN'T !"
"You don't know what it feels like to be me right now !"
"You don't know what others ask me during lunch !"
"God ! I get the strangest questions !"
"And I don't like answering them all ! Cause I don't know what the hell made you do it !"
"I know shit about it !"
"But yeah !"
"You just lie here, easy and comfortable !"
"Nothing to worry about !"
"Just chilling in the hospital !"
Tai paused for a few moments. He felt tears going down his cheeks like a waterfall...
"But... I guess being you isn't the easiest thing on earth either, ha ?" Tai said, taking Matt's hand.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm sorry... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm so sorry, Tai... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I didn't mean to make you feel so sad ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - You're right, Tai. Being me isn't so easy... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - What ? Chilling ? Me ?! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Tai, this isn't fun. This is horrible. - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - It's the most scary experience I've ever gone through in my whole life. - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I can't get out of this ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm locked inside... 'me'... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - And you have NO idea how much I wanna wake up ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - But... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I can't... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tai went to sit in the chair between Matt's bed and the window.
"Be strong for me, ok ?"
"Try to be strong..."
"And when you wake up, I'll be there. By your side. I'll be there when you open your eyes again and feel the sunlight again. I promise I'll be there."
"I promise, Matt... I'll be there..." Tai sobbed, letting his head rest on the bed.
"I'll be there for you..."
Tai cried, he couldn't keep his emotions inside anymore.
"I'll always be there for you..."
He took Matt's arm again and laid it next to his head, so that he felt Matt.
"I'll be there for you..."
He closed his eyes and cried himself asleep...
"Always..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, at TK's house...
Nancy was still up. TK was sleeping, he had fallen asleep at Matt's side. So he'd be sure Matt was gonna be ok.
Nancy sighed, replacing the bed from Matt's room to an empty room on the ground floor. She didn't wanna risk anything. What if Matt would do something during the night ? She couldn't be sure enough.
It was only a few days till Matt was going home again. Well... to TK's.
He didn't have to stay any longer in the hospital. When he'd wake up and the doctors would have made sure everything was gonna be ok with him, he could already go home.
So Nancy was preparing everything.
She didn't actually care about all of this, and she knew she had more than enough time to do this later, but she had to keep herself busy.
She needed to concentrate on something... different than everything that was going on with her son.
- - - Concentrate, Nancy. Concentrate and relax, and everything will be ok. - - - she thought to calm herself down.
- - - Ok ? Is that what this is ?! - - -
- - - OK ?!?! - - -
"It's NOT OK !!!" she yelled at herself.
- - - I hope I didn't wake TK up... - - -
"It's not ok..."
"It's not ok..."
She started to cry again and dropped herself on the half replaced bed, that was in the middle of the living room.
"It's not ok... It's not..."
- - - But it will be, right ? It has to be... - - -
- - - It has to be ok. For Matt. For TK. For everybody ! - - -
"It has to be ok..."
She covered her temples with her hands and the towel she had in them.
- - - Crying won't help... - - -
- - - I have to keep strong ! I'm a grown up mother ! - - -
- - - A MOTHER ! - - -
- - - And maybe that's why I can't deal with this... - - -
Nancy buried her face deeper in her hands and cried, cried, cried...
"I can't deal with this !!!"
"I CAN'T !" she yelled, slapping her own face with her hand.
- - - STOP IT ! - - -
Nancy let herself slide down on the couch. She lay on her back, with her eyes fixed to the wall.
She stared.
She stared until she finally fell asleep, with the thought of Matt running through her head... and tearstained cheeks.
And then... she dreamed...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can see colors. I see colors and go to them. It's a waterfall of colored water. Red, blue, yellow, green, all the colors !
It sounds like music. Like the twinkling sound of a harp...
The colors explode at the end of the waterfall and form a misty rain of colored drops.
"I'm here !" I suddenly hear.
"Mommy, I'm here !"
I recognize the voice...
"Mommy ! Mommy !"
It's... it's...
"Mommy ! I'm here ! Mommy !"
Matt !
It's Matt !
His voice is... childish. And young.
"Mommy ! Overhere !" he calls.
"Where are you, Matt ?" I shout.
"Overhere ! At the waterfall !"
I quickly look around and move my head from the left to the right.
"Mommy ! I'm on the top of it !"
I look up, and my face changes in horror. Matt is standing on top of the rock, meters above me, where the colored water starts falling.
I cover my mouth with my hands.
I stare at him, and when I see him growing and changing in an impossibly fast speed, I scream.
He's 14. Not the little innocent child of mine anymore.
"Matt ! Get off that rock !!!" I yell, on the verge of tears.
My voice breaks.
"Matt..." It comes out more like a sigh. A whisper.
He looks down at me, like I'm a dirtbag. A miserable slave. Useless.
He grins... then he laughs maniacally. And puts his hands on the edge of the rock. Ready to jump...
"No, Matt ! No !" I yell at him, tears starting to form in my eyes.
"No !"
Matt smirks, and shouts, with a smile on his face :
"Suicide ! Suicide ! It's just suicide, mom !"
I quickly glance around, begging for help in my inner self.
His eyes look right into mine... right before he lets go of the rock... and... falls down.
His falling body is a black shadow before the colors.
I scream.
"MATT !!!"
And I run to the place where he's gonna fall.
My eyes meet his for one last time, cause as soon as I stretch my arm to reach out for him, he comes down with a horrible sound... He turns around.
"It's just suicide, mommy !" he yells, laughing maniacally again.
"It's just suicide !"
I scream again when he shows me his wrists, slit and blood pooring out of them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4 days later...
It was time.
Tai stood in the corridor of the hospital. Kari sat on a chair and was looking outside, seeming calm, but in fact... she was as nervous as Tai.
Nancy was inside a room, talking to one of the doctors and TK and his dad were with Matt.
"You're gonna wake up again, Matt !" TK said, caressing his brother's head.
"You will be ok, so don't start worrying now. The doctors say it doesn't hurt. I've never been in a coma, so I can't say if they tell the truth, but I guess they're right."
"Yes, they are right. He'll be fine." Matt's dad said, trying to smile.
- - - At least I hope so... - - -
- - - I hope so... - - - TK thought.
The door went open and 3 doctors and a nurse walked into the room. Calm and controlled.
"Are you ready ?" one of them asked.
"Yeah, we're ready. TK ? Come on." Mr. Ishida said, leading TK to the door.
TK threw a last glance at his brother and mentally wished him good luck.
Then his dad turned his head around and closed the door.
Tai quickly turned his head and his eyes asked 'And ?'
"They're gonna let him wake up now. It will only take 5 minutes or so."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The doctors made everything ready. The nurse took some bandages and then nodded to the doctor.
It wasn't dangerous, and Matt was surely gonna wake up. After all, he was being kept in an artificial coma.
The doctor nodded to the rest and switched the respirator off.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Aaahh... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I can't breath anymore ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Pleas help me ! Somebody ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - W-what... ? - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Am I sucked into another dimension ? - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - No ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - They're letting me wake up again ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - NO ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I shouldn't be ! I should have been DEAD ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - ... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Don't worry now... You'll be fine."
Matt coughed.
"W-where am I... ?" he asked wearily, his eyes barely open.
"You're in the hospital. We put you in a coma because you tried to kill yourself and nearly died. And now, you're awake again."
Tai stepped forward and looked at Matt.
"I told you I was gonna be here..."
"How... long ?" Matt whispered.
"You're awake since a few hours. Finally you woke up ! I thought it was gonna take you forever ! But the doctors told us that you'd be very tired so we let you sleep."
Matt sat up straight and saw his mother, his father, and TK, who immediately flew to his neck.
"Hey Teek..." Matt said, hugging him tightly.
"I missed you so much !" TK exclaimed. Matt heard he was crying.
"Hey... don't cry. I'm fine, see ? I'm ok..." Matt said, caressing TK over his head.
"You didn't really mean to... die, right ?"
"TK... No, of course not..." Matt lied.
Tai sighed by this statement. He was relieved to hear that, even though he was practically sure that Matt was lying.
"We all missed you so much, Matt !" a silent and friendly voice suddenly said from behind the other people.
It was Kari.
"Hi there !" She said very soft, when Matt looked up at her.
"Hi... thank you for being here, you guys..." Matt said, closing his eyes again.
"No, Matt ! Don't fall asleep ! We have to bring you home first, and then you can go back to sleep." Nancy smiled.
"Alright, alright."
The doctors said 'bye' to everybody in the room, and left them.
"That went well, eh ?" Matt's dad said, looking at Matt.
Matt smiled.
- - - I guess I did miss my dad. And my mom. And TK. And Tai... And Kari and all the others... - - -
"Yeah, pretty well..." Matt whispered, his throat hurting because of the tube that had been in it for a week.
Matt sighed.
"Let's go home now..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When Matt sat in the dusty car of his dad, he thought back on what had happened.
Flashbacks went through his head constantly.
- - - Stop... Stop... - - -
- - - I hate memories ! - - -
- - - Especially bad ones... - - -
He shook his head, hoping that they would fade away.
"Where are we going ?!" Matt suddenly asked to his dad when they turned into a street that led to his mother's house.
"Sorry for not telling you yet, but... You'll be staying at your mother's for a while. Until you're better."
"What ?"
"You will go to a psychiatrist for a month, and during that period, you have to stay somewhere permanently. And that would be your mother's house."
"But... You-"
"I'll visit you every 2 days. I promise."
- - - Can you believe that ?! - - -
- - - I'm just back and now already he makes false promises ! - - -
- - - Gee... I really should have died that day ! - - -
- - - I guess it didn't make ANY different... - - -
- - - Shit... - - -
- - - A month under the strict eye of my mother... Damn, damn, damn, damn ! - - -
- - - I hope I'll survive... - - -
Thank you so much for reading this !!! I really truly love you ! After this chapter, the story will get less boring and I will put lots of diary entries in it again ! 'YAY!' for all the diary entry fans ! Uhh... Now please review and continue reading this story ! It will all get more and more complicated and harder for Matt, so if you wanna know how it ends, keep reading ! I wanna have uhh... about 100 reviews at the end and then I'll be so goddamn HAPPY !!! -x-x-x- With Love From Belgium, Mari-sama~
Disclaimer : I do NOT own Digimon.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson - Stranger in Moscow
I was wandering in the rain
Mask of life, feelin' insane
Swift and sudden fall from grace
Sunny days seem far away
The dark shadow belittlin' me
It just won't let me be
On and on and on it came
Wish the rain would just let me be
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here abandoned in my fame
Armageddon of the brain
KGB was doggin' me
Take my name and just let me be
Then a boy called my name
Happy days will drown the pain
On and on and on it came
And again, and again, and again...
Take my name and just let me be
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel (How does it feel now)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
How does it feel (How does it feel)
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel
How does it feel (How does it feel now)
How does it feel
How does it feel
When you're alone
And you're cold inside
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Like a stranger in Moscow
Like a stranger in Moscow
We're talkin' danger
We're talkin' danger baby
Like a stranger in Moscow
We're talkin' danger
We're talkin' danger baby
Like a stranger in Moscow
I'm livin' lonely
I'm livin' lonely baby
A stranger in Moscow - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
All waves go down - - - - - - - - - - by Mari-sama~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That evening, like all the others, Tai sat by Matt's side on the white blankets of his bed.
He stared at Matt.
Matt's eyes were closed. As if he were sleeping, very peaceful, yet he had a very confused look on his face. He looked like he was tired to death.
"You knew I found out about it, didn't you ?"
"But that's not a reason to do it !"
"To kill yourself... Well, to try to kill yourself..."
"I'm glad you didn't actually died, you know ?"
"Because, Matt... I really care about you."
"And I wouldn't ever forgive myself if I had been too late..."
"Just imagine..."
"That you wouldn't be able to celebrate next Christmas ?"
"Or TK's birthday ?"
"That you wouldn't be able to punch me in the face anymore ?"
"Gee, I'd really miss that..."
"Or..."
"That you wouldn't be able to worry other people all the time by wandering around and being depressed and sad..."
"I'd miss that too, you know ?"
"I think I'd just miss everything."
"You, and all the things you do."
"I don't wanna lose you, Matt..."
"For the past years, I've been your friend and you were mine."
"Friends are supposed to tell each other everything..."
"But we were different."
"You never really told me about how you feel."
"If you'd have said anything to me, I'd have been there to help you !"
"I'd have been there to stop you on time !"
"Not to find you when it was too late..."
"You don't know what hell I'm going through !"
"You don't know what I dream during the night !"
"You don't know what I think all the time !"
"You don't know anything !"
"I see your face all the time, wherever I go !"
"I dream of you, finding you when it's too late ! Lying in a puddle of your own blood ! I dream of you standing at my bed and telling me that I was too late ! That I failed as a friend !"
"I always think of you, Matt !"
"What if he doesn't get better at all ?"
"What if he tries to commit suicide again ?"
"And what if he dies ?"
"I can't handle it anymore !"
"I can't handle it anymore !!!"
"I CAN'T !"
"You don't know what it feels like to be me right now !"
"You don't know what others ask me during lunch !"
"God ! I get the strangest questions !"
"And I don't like answering them all ! Cause I don't know what the hell made you do it !"
"I know shit about it !"
"But yeah !"
"You just lie here, easy and comfortable !"
"Nothing to worry about !"
"Just chilling in the hospital !"
Tai paused for a few moments. He felt tears going down his cheeks like a waterfall...
"But... I guess being you isn't the easiest thing on earth either, ha ?" Tai said, taking Matt's hand.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm sorry... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm so sorry, Tai... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I didn't mean to make you feel so sad ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - You're right, Tai. Being me isn't so easy... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - What ? Chilling ? Me ?! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Tai, this isn't fun. This is horrible. - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - It's the most scary experience I've ever gone through in my whole life. - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I can't get out of this ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I'm locked inside... 'me'... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - And you have NO idea how much I wanna wake up ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - But... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I can't... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tai went to sit in the chair between Matt's bed and the window.
"Be strong for me, ok ?"
"Try to be strong..."
"And when you wake up, I'll be there. By your side. I'll be there when you open your eyes again and feel the sunlight again. I promise I'll be there."
"I promise, Matt... I'll be there..." Tai sobbed, letting his head rest on the bed.
"I'll be there for you..."
Tai cried, he couldn't keep his emotions inside anymore.
"I'll always be there for you..."
He took Matt's arm again and laid it next to his head, so that he felt Matt.
"I'll be there for you..."
He closed his eyes and cried himself asleep...
"Always..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, at TK's house...
Nancy was still up. TK was sleeping, he had fallen asleep at Matt's side. So he'd be sure Matt was gonna be ok.
Nancy sighed, replacing the bed from Matt's room to an empty room on the ground floor. She didn't wanna risk anything. What if Matt would do something during the night ? She couldn't be sure enough.
It was only a few days till Matt was going home again. Well... to TK's.
He didn't have to stay any longer in the hospital. When he'd wake up and the doctors would have made sure everything was gonna be ok with him, he could already go home.
So Nancy was preparing everything.
She didn't actually care about all of this, and she knew she had more than enough time to do this later, but she had to keep herself busy.
She needed to concentrate on something... different than everything that was going on with her son.
- - - Concentrate, Nancy. Concentrate and relax, and everything will be ok. - - - she thought to calm herself down.
- - - Ok ? Is that what this is ?! - - -
- - - OK ?!?! - - -
"It's NOT OK !!!" she yelled at herself.
- - - I hope I didn't wake TK up... - - -
"It's not ok..."
"It's not ok..."
She started to cry again and dropped herself on the half replaced bed, that was in the middle of the living room.
"It's not ok... It's not..."
- - - But it will be, right ? It has to be... - - -
- - - It has to be ok. For Matt. For TK. For everybody ! - - -
"It has to be ok..."
She covered her temples with her hands and the towel she had in them.
- - - Crying won't help... - - -
- - - I have to keep strong ! I'm a grown up mother ! - - -
- - - A MOTHER ! - - -
- - - And maybe that's why I can't deal with this... - - -
Nancy buried her face deeper in her hands and cried, cried, cried...
"I can't deal with this !!!"
"I CAN'T !" she yelled, slapping her own face with her hand.
- - - STOP IT ! - - -
Nancy let herself slide down on the couch. She lay on her back, with her eyes fixed to the wall.
She stared.
She stared until she finally fell asleep, with the thought of Matt running through her head... and tearstained cheeks.
And then... she dreamed...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I can see colors. I see colors and go to them. It's a waterfall of colored water. Red, blue, yellow, green, all the colors !
It sounds like music. Like the twinkling sound of a harp...
The colors explode at the end of the waterfall and form a misty rain of colored drops.
"I'm here !" I suddenly hear.
"Mommy, I'm here !"
I recognize the voice...
"Mommy ! Mommy !"
It's... it's...
"Mommy ! I'm here ! Mommy !"
Matt !
It's Matt !
His voice is... childish. And young.
"Mommy ! Overhere !" he calls.
"Where are you, Matt ?" I shout.
"Overhere ! At the waterfall !"
I quickly look around and move my head from the left to the right.
"Mommy ! I'm on the top of it !"
I look up, and my face changes in horror. Matt is standing on top of the rock, meters above me, where the colored water starts falling.
I cover my mouth with my hands.
I stare at him, and when I see him growing and changing in an impossibly fast speed, I scream.
He's 14. Not the little innocent child of mine anymore.
"Matt ! Get off that rock !!!" I yell, on the verge of tears.
My voice breaks.
"Matt..." It comes out more like a sigh. A whisper.
He looks down at me, like I'm a dirtbag. A miserable slave. Useless.
He grins... then he laughs maniacally. And puts his hands on the edge of the rock. Ready to jump...
"No, Matt ! No !" I yell at him, tears starting to form in my eyes.
"No !"
Matt smirks, and shouts, with a smile on his face :
"Suicide ! Suicide ! It's just suicide, mom !"
I quickly glance around, begging for help in my inner self.
His eyes look right into mine... right before he lets go of the rock... and... falls down.
His falling body is a black shadow before the colors.
I scream.
"MATT !!!"
And I run to the place where he's gonna fall.
My eyes meet his for one last time, cause as soon as I stretch my arm to reach out for him, he comes down with a horrible sound... He turns around.
"It's just suicide, mommy !" he yells, laughing maniacally again.
"It's just suicide !"
I scream again when he shows me his wrists, slit and blood pooring out of them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4 days later...
It was time.
Tai stood in the corridor of the hospital. Kari sat on a chair and was looking outside, seeming calm, but in fact... she was as nervous as Tai.
Nancy was inside a room, talking to one of the doctors and TK and his dad were with Matt.
"You're gonna wake up again, Matt !" TK said, caressing his brother's head.
"You will be ok, so don't start worrying now. The doctors say it doesn't hurt. I've never been in a coma, so I can't say if they tell the truth, but I guess they're right."
"Yes, they are right. He'll be fine." Matt's dad said, trying to smile.
- - - At least I hope so... - - -
- - - I hope so... - - - TK thought.
The door went open and 3 doctors and a nurse walked into the room. Calm and controlled.
"Are you ready ?" one of them asked.
"Yeah, we're ready. TK ? Come on." Mr. Ishida said, leading TK to the door.
TK threw a last glance at his brother and mentally wished him good luck.
Then his dad turned his head around and closed the door.
Tai quickly turned his head and his eyes asked 'And ?'
"They're gonna let him wake up now. It will only take 5 minutes or so."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The doctors made everything ready. The nurse took some bandages and then nodded to the doctor.
It wasn't dangerous, and Matt was surely gonna wake up. After all, he was being kept in an artificial coma.
The doctor nodded to the rest and switched the respirator off.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Aaahh... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I can't breath anymore ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Pleas help me ! Somebody ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - W-what... ? - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - Am I sucked into another dimension ? - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - No ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - They're letting me wake up again ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - NO ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - I shouldn't be ! I should have been DEAD ! - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - ... - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Don't worry now... You'll be fine."
Matt coughed.
"W-where am I... ?" he asked wearily, his eyes barely open.
"You're in the hospital. We put you in a coma because you tried to kill yourself and nearly died. And now, you're awake again."
Tai stepped forward and looked at Matt.
"I told you I was gonna be here..."
"How... long ?" Matt whispered.
"You're awake since a few hours. Finally you woke up ! I thought it was gonna take you forever ! But the doctors told us that you'd be very tired so we let you sleep."
Matt sat up straight and saw his mother, his father, and TK, who immediately flew to his neck.
"Hey Teek..." Matt said, hugging him tightly.
"I missed you so much !" TK exclaimed. Matt heard he was crying.
"Hey... don't cry. I'm fine, see ? I'm ok..." Matt said, caressing TK over his head.
"You didn't really mean to... die, right ?"
"TK... No, of course not..." Matt lied.
Tai sighed by this statement. He was relieved to hear that, even though he was practically sure that Matt was lying.
"We all missed you so much, Matt !" a silent and friendly voice suddenly said from behind the other people.
It was Kari.
"Hi there !" She said very soft, when Matt looked up at her.
"Hi... thank you for being here, you guys..." Matt said, closing his eyes again.
"No, Matt ! Don't fall asleep ! We have to bring you home first, and then you can go back to sleep." Nancy smiled.
"Alright, alright."
The doctors said 'bye' to everybody in the room, and left them.
"That went well, eh ?" Matt's dad said, looking at Matt.
Matt smiled.
- - - I guess I did miss my dad. And my mom. And TK. And Tai... And Kari and all the others... - - -
"Yeah, pretty well..." Matt whispered, his throat hurting because of the tube that had been in it for a week.
Matt sighed.
"Let's go home now..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When Matt sat in the dusty car of his dad, he thought back on what had happened.
Flashbacks went through his head constantly.
- - - Stop... Stop... - - -
- - - I hate memories ! - - -
- - - Especially bad ones... - - -
He shook his head, hoping that they would fade away.
"Where are we going ?!" Matt suddenly asked to his dad when they turned into a street that led to his mother's house.
"Sorry for not telling you yet, but... You'll be staying at your mother's for a while. Until you're better."
"What ?"
"You will go to a psychiatrist for a month, and during that period, you have to stay somewhere permanently. And that would be your mother's house."
"But... You-"
"I'll visit you every 2 days. I promise."
- - - Can you believe that ?! - - -
- - - I'm just back and now already he makes false promises ! - - -
- - - Gee... I really should have died that day ! - - -
- - - I guess it didn't make ANY different... - - -
- - - Shit... - - -
- - - A month under the strict eye of my mother... Damn, damn, damn, damn ! - - -
- - - I hope I'll survive... - - -
Thank you so much for reading this !!! I really truly love you ! After this chapter, the story will get less boring and I will put lots of diary entries in it again ! 'YAY!' for all the diary entry fans ! Uhh... Now please review and continue reading this story ! It will all get more and more complicated and harder for Matt, so if you wanna know how it ends, keep reading ! I wanna have uhh... about 100 reviews at the end and then I'll be so goddamn HAPPY !!! -x-x-x- With Love From Belgium, Mari-sama~