Hello everyone ! Ok, now you probably all hate me because this took SOOOOO
long ! I know, I know... BUT I have tons of homework and I didn't have
enough time to do my homework, to go shopping for Xmas, to study for the
first finals, and to write... but now, the 8th chapter is finally here.
It's called : 'Falling' (you know, falling raindrops ?) Ok, ok. Good. I
used this lyric : 'Take This Heart' by 'Yasmina Karraz'. It's an English
song, but made in Belgium for the European Songfestival. It's the most
beautiful song in the world, and you should hear it. It makes you cry. It's
so breath taking ! So, download it. Ps : Thank you so much for all those
reviews !!! -x-x-x- Enjoy !
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Take this heart - Yasmina Karraz
Many's the time I hear you whisper words
Tender and kind
They make me feel alright
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That's when I'm dreaming
That you hold me in your arms
And when you smile
I lay out to your charms
You thrill me
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Take this heart
Don't lose it
Take this heart
Take care of it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cause only love can bring it back to me
It's always yours to keep my heart...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gotta be strong
Turn tears into a smile
Show the world
I am really doing fine They say I'm young So life will be kind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
But death is a thief And I'm a tree bereft of leaves Without you
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Take this heart
Don't lose it
Take this heart
Take care of it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cause only love can bring it back to me
It's always yours to keep my heart...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sometimes I wonder if
I'm gonna make it alone
Without you life seems so... hard
Though a rain will always fall
The sun will always shine
And somewhere I believe you're alive through this heart of mine...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cause only love can bring it back to me
It's always yours to keep my heart...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Falling - - - - - - - - - - by Mari-sama~
The car stopped.
- - - Home again. - - -
"Come on in, Matt." Nancy said, trying to sound normal.
Matt walked in and said :
"Seems like I haven't seen this place for years."
"Yeah." Nancy sighed.
"But now you're here !" she smiled.
- - - Yeah. I am. - - -
Matt smiled back.
- - - I know that's a fake smile, Matt. - - - Nancy thought.
"Where's my room ?" Matt asked, looking around as if he'd never been there before.
"You told me I was gonna sleep in another room, mom." He said, not looking to his mother.
"Oh yes, of course ! Uhm. Right here." She said, leading her son to a small room next to the living room.
"What ?! Here ?! Mom ! I won't have any privacy !"
Matt looked stunned.
- - - What the - ? - - -
"I-"
"Matt ! Listen to your mother !" His dad shouted.
Matt walked into the room and mumbled :
"My mother ? Give me a break."
"What was that, Matt ?"
"Nothing, dad. I was talking to myself."
His dad decided to leave it and got ready to leave.
"I'll come over every 2 days, if that's ok with you ?" Malcolm asked Nancy, walking to the front door.
"Ok, perfect. And uh. I'll call you later for some other things, ok ?"
Mr. Ishida knew exactely what she was talking about and nodded in agreement. He gave TK a hug and shook Nancy's hand.
"Alright. I better go now, ok ? See you soon." He said, disappearing behind the door.
"Bye, dad !" TK shouted.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt sat on the bed. Everything was already blown up for him.
- - - Shit. - - -
- - - Could it be any worser ? - - -
- - - No privacy. My mom ALWAYS around. Shit, shit, shit. - - -
Suddenly something came into Matt's mind.
"Where's my diary ?" Matt whispered to himself.
He took his backpack and ruffled in it.
"I haven't seen it for such a long time."
- - - Dad didn't take it to the hospital, I think. - - -
"Shit ! Major shit !"
- - - It must be at my dad's. - - -
Suddenly TK came into Matt's room.
"Hi, Matt. I hope you'll like it here."
"Hi there. Of course I will."
TK smiled. And then. looked down.
"TK, what's wrong ?" Matt asked, concerned.
TK jumped up and flew into Matt's arms. Matt hugged him and caressed his little brother over his head.
"Hey. What's wrong ?"
"J-just everything !" TK yelled, crying all of sudden.
"I- I really love you, Matt !!!"
"I know, Teek. I love you to-"
"Then wh-why did you d-do it ?!!"
Matt didn't speak.
"WHY ?!" TK screamed, causing Nancy to come in the room.
"TK, what's wrong ?" she asked, concerned.
"Just let him be, mom." Matt said, immediately regretting that.
He mentally kicked himself.
"What ? He's my son, Matt. And so are you !" she said.
Nancy took TK's arm and led him to the bathroom.
He didn't say anything, even though he wanted to tell his mom to let him go and that he wanted to go back to Matt.
- - - You bitch ! How dare you taking TK away from me like that ! - - -
- - - Now where's my fucking diary ? - - -
- - - Oh yeah. My dad has it. - - -
- - - I'll call him and ask him to bring it. - - -
- - - No. - - -
- - - He'll read it. - - -
- - - No. My mom will. - - -
- - - Shit ! - - -
- - - Why is everybody so damn suspicious ?! - - -
Matt sighed and stood up, feeling depressed again. He knew he was cause he didn't wanna do anything. And that he'd been feeling before too.
He went to the living room where he thought his mom was gonna be.
"Mom ?"
No answer. So he went to her bedroom.
She was there. A soft sob came from the room. Matt knew it was his mother. She was on the phone. Probably with one of her friends from work or something.
"I don't know why !" Nancy sobbed in the phone.
A metallic voice said something in response, but Matt couln't make up what.
He frowned and went to stand closer to the door.
"No. I know he hates me."
"One thousand percent sure !"
"He. No. He never had any light on in his room. He's so 'dark'. As if he feels safer when the lights are out."
"No, I can't turn the electricity off just for him !"
"He's an annoying brat ! That's what he is !" Nancy cried.
"Yeah, m-maybe I shouldn't have said that."
"I have prepared a room for him."
"Yeah, another one."
"You know. because maybe he'd try it again, you know."
Suddenly Matt was scared by someone who tapped him on his shoulder.
"What are you doing ?!"
It was TK.
- - - Shit. Major shit. - - -
Nancy hooked up the phone and ran outside, where she found Matt standing against the wall of her bedroom.
"You- Matt, you stood here all the time ?"
"You really shouldn't have said that." Matt said.
Nancy noticed tears in his voice.
- - - God. He's hurt. - - -
Matt ran off. Just when Nancy tried to say something.
"Matt !"
"Matt, come back !" TK yelled, running after his brother.
"Matt, stop !"
Matt raced down the stairs and quickly went into his temporary room where he pulled his backpack from the bed and then ran off, he opened the front door and slammed it shut when his feet had barely left the doorstep.
He didn't think. He didn't wanna think. He just ran, and ran till he could hardly breathe. He stopped and fell to the ground.
- - - Oh shit. - - -
- - - Shit ! - - -
- - - I hate this. - - -
Then something caught Matt's eyes. He sat at the supermarket. There were a lot of charts, but that he didn't care about. He was fixed on the side of the iron gate that surrounded the charts. It was sharp. Very, very sharp. He had felt this before, only then he had fallen and he had been brought to hospital cause his arm was totally messed up. He was still young when it had happened, but he did remember how sharp it was. He could nearly feel it cut in his skin.
He wanted to go there and to let the iron cut in his soft white skin, but something stopped him from doing that.
His cell phone rang.
He mentally cursed as he read 'TAI' on the screen.
- - - Shit. - - -
Yet, he took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
"Hello ?" he said.
"Matt, it's me, Tai. Where have you been ?!"
"What do you mean ?"
"Your mother is going nuts, you know ? She called my mom and told her that you were missing again."
"So ?"
"Just go back home, Matt."
"What if I don't wanna go home ?"
"You're gonna force yourself, then. But you can't let everybody down like that."
"I just hate this."
"Of course you hate this, it's freezing outside. Go back !"
"I can't, Tai. I can't do it anymore."
"I hate to tell you, Matt, but. You're gonna have to."
There was a silence, then Tai continued, he could tell that Matt was crying.
"I'v never been depressed, Matt, and you know that. So I can impossibly know what you feel now."
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER !" Matt yelled down the phone.
"It does, Matt. It does. and please calm down. It's just me, ok ? Just me, Tai. I thought we were best friends, Matt. I thought you told me everything."
"Don't lie to me !"
"I-"
"I never ever told you anything about my feelings, Tai ! And you know that as good as I do." Matt stated.
"I know, sorry. Just relax a little !"
"I can't relax anymore, Tai."
"I know, you've said that before."
Matt sobbed, and that was enough for Tai to notice that Matt wasn't gonna answer.
Matt's throat hurt.
"Matt, you have to relax from time to time, you know ?"
"I told you, Tai. I can't."
"Well, then try at least !"
"I-"
"Don't think there's no way out of this ! You will feel better someday !"
"Someday. How long will it take till 'someday' ?"
"I. I don't know ! Stop saying such things, Matt ! Get a little positive !"
"If you call me to tell me to get positive, sorry, but then I'll hook up right now."
"No ! Matt, don't !"
Matt didn't speak.
"Are you ok there ?" Tai asked, Matt sensed the concern in his voice.
"No, I'm really so totally not ok."
"That's better. Now at least you tell me what you feel."
"I."
Matt stopped talking.
"I."
"What, Matt ?"
"I wanna cry."
"Then cry ! Nobody's gonna stop you from crying ! And I rather have you to cry than to cut yourself."
"I know."
"Just cry. It's ok."
"No, Tai. Boys don't cry, remember ?"
"What the hell ? Boys don't cry ? What shit is that ?!" Tai exclaimed.
Matt couldn't resist a laugh with this.
"Matt ?"
"Yeah, what ?"
"Did you just laugh ?"
"Yeah. So what ?"
"You don't know how happy I am about that."
Tai heard Matt sighing.
"Now you're probably telling yourself how much I act like a dick."
"No !" Matt laughed.
The he stopped and sighed again.
"I was telling myself how much I am acting like a dick."
"Don't be stupid, Matt."
"I am stupid, remember ?"
"You're not expecting me to say 'yes', are you ?"
"Not really, I know you wouldn't."
"Now tell me. What did your mother say ?"
Matt's better feeling melt immediately by this.
"That's none of your fucking business !" Matt shouted at Tai.
"Sorry, but she was really upset, you know ?"
Tai paused.
"She was crying."
"So ? She cries all the time !"
"Why would she ?"
"I say very bad things and then she feels hurt. Do I care ?"
"That's not nice, Matt."
"I know ! So what ? She hurts me too !"
"What did she say ?"
"That. that I was an annoying brat."
"An annoying brat ?"
"Yeah, an annoying brat ! How much times do you wanna hear it ?! An annoying brat ! An annoying brat !"
"Matt ! Shut up !"
Matt sighed and said :
"Sorry."
"Just try to stay calm. Ok ? She hurt you, obviously."
"Yeah, she did."
"Ok. What are you gonna do now ?"
"Just yell at her and having another fight, and then I'll feel all frustrated again and then I'll give myself another cut ! That's it, story's over."
"Do you always solve problems like that ?"
"Mostly, yes."
"Well, I hope you know that's stupid."
"I do, Tai. I certainly do, but it's a cycle, and I can't break it !"
"Wow."
"What ?"
"This is so much deeper than I thought it was."
"Why do you think I tried to kill myself ?" Matt asked, sarcastically.
"I thought you were just angry with everybody."
"No, I couldn't bear it anymore."
"What's 'it' ?"
"The pain, the scars, the new cuts, the anger, the hate, the fear, just everything that goes on in my own little world."
"You know that I found you, don't you ?"
"Yeah, I know, my dad told me."
"I was so afraid, Matt. When I entered your apartment, I felt something was wrong."
"I'm sorry for not dying when I was supposed to."
"Where the hell did that come from ?"
"I should've died that day, really."
"How can you think such a thing ?"
"I know it's true. My parents are back to normal now, everybody is, only TK. I screwed up his mind. He thinks it's all his fault. But for the rest. Nothing's changed here, Tai. It didn't make any different."
"Well, with me it did ! I'm always afraid that you're gonna do it again !"
"You dream of me standing at your bed. saying that you failed as a friend."
"H-how do you know ?" Tai asked, on the verge of tears.
"I heard you, Tai."
"You did ?"
"Yes, I did. I heard everything that you said, I heard everything that my mom and dad said, and everything that TK said, and Kari."
"You know what she said ?"
"Yes, everything."
"From the first to the last word ?"
"I know what she feels for me."
"You know ?!"
"I know, ok !"
"You know. God, she never meant you to find out !"
"But I do, so what ?"
"What are you gonna do now ?"
"Just act normal, I guess... Well... normal..."
"Ok. Don't tell her that you know, please ?"
"Why not ?"
"Because she'd be very sad."
"Ok, I won't."
A pause.
Suddenly Tai heard a loud noise on the other side of the phone.
"Matt ?! What was that ?"
No answer.
"Matt ! Matt, answer me !"
"What ?" Tai heard a very frustrated voice saying.
"What did you do ?"
"I kicked the charts, that's all..."
"Ok..."
Matt didn't say anything.
"Matt ?"
"Yeah, what ?"
"Are you going into therapy ?"
"Yeah. For a month, my dad said..."
"Only a month ?!"
"Yeah, so ?"
"That's way too short !"
"It's none of your business, Tai. Leave it."
Tai sighed.
"Ok, Matt. I'll come around tomorrow, k ?"
"Whatever."
"Now go home, will ya ?"
Matt nodded, even though Tai couldn't see.
"Matt ?"
"Alright..." Matt sighed.
So, that was it again. Sorry for not putting any new diary entries in this chapter. *slapping myself* I'm so happy with all your reviews ! Thank you thank you thank you ! I hope you'll keep reading my story and uhm now... REVIEW !!! Uhm... Matt's therapy is gonna take a few chapters, cause all his emotions and reasons to be depressed are explained in it, lots of flashbacks and so... read ! Please ?
Gotta be strong... Turn tears into a smile...
-x-x-x- Mari-sama~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Take this heart - Yasmina Karraz
Many's the time I hear you whisper words
Tender and kind
They make me feel alright
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That's when I'm dreaming
That you hold me in your arms
And when you smile
I lay out to your charms
You thrill me
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Take this heart
Don't lose it
Take this heart
Take care of it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cause only love can bring it back to me
It's always yours to keep my heart...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gotta be strong
Turn tears into a smile
Show the world
I am really doing fine They say I'm young So life will be kind
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
But death is a thief And I'm a tree bereft of leaves Without you
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Take this heart
Don't lose it
Take this heart
Take care of it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cause only love can bring it back to me
It's always yours to keep my heart...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Sometimes I wonder if
I'm gonna make it alone
Without you life seems so... hard
Though a rain will always fall
The sun will always shine
And somewhere I believe you're alive through this heart of mine...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Cause only love can bring it back to me
It's always yours to keep my heart...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Falling - - - - - - - - - - by Mari-sama~
The car stopped.
- - - Home again. - - -
"Come on in, Matt." Nancy said, trying to sound normal.
Matt walked in and said :
"Seems like I haven't seen this place for years."
"Yeah." Nancy sighed.
"But now you're here !" she smiled.
- - - Yeah. I am. - - -
Matt smiled back.
- - - I know that's a fake smile, Matt. - - - Nancy thought.
"Where's my room ?" Matt asked, looking around as if he'd never been there before.
"You told me I was gonna sleep in another room, mom." He said, not looking to his mother.
"Oh yes, of course ! Uhm. Right here." She said, leading her son to a small room next to the living room.
"What ?! Here ?! Mom ! I won't have any privacy !"
Matt looked stunned.
- - - What the - ? - - -
"I-"
"Matt ! Listen to your mother !" His dad shouted.
Matt walked into the room and mumbled :
"My mother ? Give me a break."
"What was that, Matt ?"
"Nothing, dad. I was talking to myself."
His dad decided to leave it and got ready to leave.
"I'll come over every 2 days, if that's ok with you ?" Malcolm asked Nancy, walking to the front door.
"Ok, perfect. And uh. I'll call you later for some other things, ok ?"
Mr. Ishida knew exactely what she was talking about and nodded in agreement. He gave TK a hug and shook Nancy's hand.
"Alright. I better go now, ok ? See you soon." He said, disappearing behind the door.
"Bye, dad !" TK shouted.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Matt sat on the bed. Everything was already blown up for him.
- - - Shit. - - -
- - - Could it be any worser ? - - -
- - - No privacy. My mom ALWAYS around. Shit, shit, shit. - - -
Suddenly something came into Matt's mind.
"Where's my diary ?" Matt whispered to himself.
He took his backpack and ruffled in it.
"I haven't seen it for such a long time."
- - - Dad didn't take it to the hospital, I think. - - -
"Shit ! Major shit !"
- - - It must be at my dad's. - - -
Suddenly TK came into Matt's room.
"Hi, Matt. I hope you'll like it here."
"Hi there. Of course I will."
TK smiled. And then. looked down.
"TK, what's wrong ?" Matt asked, concerned.
TK jumped up and flew into Matt's arms. Matt hugged him and caressed his little brother over his head.
"Hey. What's wrong ?"
"J-just everything !" TK yelled, crying all of sudden.
"I- I really love you, Matt !!!"
"I know, Teek. I love you to-"
"Then wh-why did you d-do it ?!!"
Matt didn't speak.
"WHY ?!" TK screamed, causing Nancy to come in the room.
"TK, what's wrong ?" she asked, concerned.
"Just let him be, mom." Matt said, immediately regretting that.
He mentally kicked himself.
"What ? He's my son, Matt. And so are you !" she said.
Nancy took TK's arm and led him to the bathroom.
He didn't say anything, even though he wanted to tell his mom to let him go and that he wanted to go back to Matt.
- - - You bitch ! How dare you taking TK away from me like that ! - - -
- - - Now where's my fucking diary ? - - -
- - - Oh yeah. My dad has it. - - -
- - - I'll call him and ask him to bring it. - - -
- - - No. - - -
- - - He'll read it. - - -
- - - No. My mom will. - - -
- - - Shit ! - - -
- - - Why is everybody so damn suspicious ?! - - -
Matt sighed and stood up, feeling depressed again. He knew he was cause he didn't wanna do anything. And that he'd been feeling before too.
He went to the living room where he thought his mom was gonna be.
"Mom ?"
No answer. So he went to her bedroom.
She was there. A soft sob came from the room. Matt knew it was his mother. She was on the phone. Probably with one of her friends from work or something.
"I don't know why !" Nancy sobbed in the phone.
A metallic voice said something in response, but Matt couln't make up what.
He frowned and went to stand closer to the door.
"No. I know he hates me."
"One thousand percent sure !"
"He. No. He never had any light on in his room. He's so 'dark'. As if he feels safer when the lights are out."
"No, I can't turn the electricity off just for him !"
"He's an annoying brat ! That's what he is !" Nancy cried.
"Yeah, m-maybe I shouldn't have said that."
"I have prepared a room for him."
"Yeah, another one."
"You know. because maybe he'd try it again, you know."
Suddenly Matt was scared by someone who tapped him on his shoulder.
"What are you doing ?!"
It was TK.
- - - Shit. Major shit. - - -
Nancy hooked up the phone and ran outside, where she found Matt standing against the wall of her bedroom.
"You- Matt, you stood here all the time ?"
"You really shouldn't have said that." Matt said.
Nancy noticed tears in his voice.
- - - God. He's hurt. - - -
Matt ran off. Just when Nancy tried to say something.
"Matt !"
"Matt, come back !" TK yelled, running after his brother.
"Matt, stop !"
Matt raced down the stairs and quickly went into his temporary room where he pulled his backpack from the bed and then ran off, he opened the front door and slammed it shut when his feet had barely left the doorstep.
He didn't think. He didn't wanna think. He just ran, and ran till he could hardly breathe. He stopped and fell to the ground.
- - - Oh shit. - - -
- - - Shit ! - - -
- - - I hate this. - - -
Then something caught Matt's eyes. He sat at the supermarket. There were a lot of charts, but that he didn't care about. He was fixed on the side of the iron gate that surrounded the charts. It was sharp. Very, very sharp. He had felt this before, only then he had fallen and he had been brought to hospital cause his arm was totally messed up. He was still young when it had happened, but he did remember how sharp it was. He could nearly feel it cut in his skin.
He wanted to go there and to let the iron cut in his soft white skin, but something stopped him from doing that.
His cell phone rang.
He mentally cursed as he read 'TAI' on the screen.
- - - Shit. - - -
Yet, he took a deep breath and tried to stay calm.
"Hello ?" he said.
"Matt, it's me, Tai. Where have you been ?!"
"What do you mean ?"
"Your mother is going nuts, you know ? She called my mom and told her that you were missing again."
"So ?"
"Just go back home, Matt."
"What if I don't wanna go home ?"
"You're gonna force yourself, then. But you can't let everybody down like that."
"I just hate this."
"Of course you hate this, it's freezing outside. Go back !"
"I can't, Tai. I can't do it anymore."
"I hate to tell you, Matt, but. You're gonna have to."
There was a silence, then Tai continued, he could tell that Matt was crying.
"I'v never been depressed, Matt, and you know that. So I can impossibly know what you feel now."
"THAT DOESN'T MATTER !" Matt yelled down the phone.
"It does, Matt. It does. and please calm down. It's just me, ok ? Just me, Tai. I thought we were best friends, Matt. I thought you told me everything."
"Don't lie to me !"
"I-"
"I never ever told you anything about my feelings, Tai ! And you know that as good as I do." Matt stated.
"I know, sorry. Just relax a little !"
"I can't relax anymore, Tai."
"I know, you've said that before."
Matt sobbed, and that was enough for Tai to notice that Matt wasn't gonna answer.
Matt's throat hurt.
"Matt, you have to relax from time to time, you know ?"
"I told you, Tai. I can't."
"Well, then try at least !"
"I-"
"Don't think there's no way out of this ! You will feel better someday !"
"Someday. How long will it take till 'someday' ?"
"I. I don't know ! Stop saying such things, Matt ! Get a little positive !"
"If you call me to tell me to get positive, sorry, but then I'll hook up right now."
"No ! Matt, don't !"
Matt didn't speak.
"Are you ok there ?" Tai asked, Matt sensed the concern in his voice.
"No, I'm really so totally not ok."
"That's better. Now at least you tell me what you feel."
"I."
Matt stopped talking.
"I."
"What, Matt ?"
"I wanna cry."
"Then cry ! Nobody's gonna stop you from crying ! And I rather have you to cry than to cut yourself."
"I know."
"Just cry. It's ok."
"No, Tai. Boys don't cry, remember ?"
"What the hell ? Boys don't cry ? What shit is that ?!" Tai exclaimed.
Matt couldn't resist a laugh with this.
"Matt ?"
"Yeah, what ?"
"Did you just laugh ?"
"Yeah. So what ?"
"You don't know how happy I am about that."
Tai heard Matt sighing.
"Now you're probably telling yourself how much I act like a dick."
"No !" Matt laughed.
The he stopped and sighed again.
"I was telling myself how much I am acting like a dick."
"Don't be stupid, Matt."
"I am stupid, remember ?"
"You're not expecting me to say 'yes', are you ?"
"Not really, I know you wouldn't."
"Now tell me. What did your mother say ?"
Matt's better feeling melt immediately by this.
"That's none of your fucking business !" Matt shouted at Tai.
"Sorry, but she was really upset, you know ?"
Tai paused.
"She was crying."
"So ? She cries all the time !"
"Why would she ?"
"I say very bad things and then she feels hurt. Do I care ?"
"That's not nice, Matt."
"I know ! So what ? She hurts me too !"
"What did she say ?"
"That. that I was an annoying brat."
"An annoying brat ?"
"Yeah, an annoying brat ! How much times do you wanna hear it ?! An annoying brat ! An annoying brat !"
"Matt ! Shut up !"
Matt sighed and said :
"Sorry."
"Just try to stay calm. Ok ? She hurt you, obviously."
"Yeah, she did."
"Ok. What are you gonna do now ?"
"Just yell at her and having another fight, and then I'll feel all frustrated again and then I'll give myself another cut ! That's it, story's over."
"Do you always solve problems like that ?"
"Mostly, yes."
"Well, I hope you know that's stupid."
"I do, Tai. I certainly do, but it's a cycle, and I can't break it !"
"Wow."
"What ?"
"This is so much deeper than I thought it was."
"Why do you think I tried to kill myself ?" Matt asked, sarcastically.
"I thought you were just angry with everybody."
"No, I couldn't bear it anymore."
"What's 'it' ?"
"The pain, the scars, the new cuts, the anger, the hate, the fear, just everything that goes on in my own little world."
"You know that I found you, don't you ?"
"Yeah, I know, my dad told me."
"I was so afraid, Matt. When I entered your apartment, I felt something was wrong."
"I'm sorry for not dying when I was supposed to."
"Where the hell did that come from ?"
"I should've died that day, really."
"How can you think such a thing ?"
"I know it's true. My parents are back to normal now, everybody is, only TK. I screwed up his mind. He thinks it's all his fault. But for the rest. Nothing's changed here, Tai. It didn't make any different."
"Well, with me it did ! I'm always afraid that you're gonna do it again !"
"You dream of me standing at your bed. saying that you failed as a friend."
"H-how do you know ?" Tai asked, on the verge of tears.
"I heard you, Tai."
"You did ?"
"Yes, I did. I heard everything that you said, I heard everything that my mom and dad said, and everything that TK said, and Kari."
"You know what she said ?"
"Yes, everything."
"From the first to the last word ?"
"I know what she feels for me."
"You know ?!"
"I know, ok !"
"You know. God, she never meant you to find out !"
"But I do, so what ?"
"What are you gonna do now ?"
"Just act normal, I guess... Well... normal..."
"Ok. Don't tell her that you know, please ?"
"Why not ?"
"Because she'd be very sad."
"Ok, I won't."
A pause.
Suddenly Tai heard a loud noise on the other side of the phone.
"Matt ?! What was that ?"
No answer.
"Matt ! Matt, answer me !"
"What ?" Tai heard a very frustrated voice saying.
"What did you do ?"
"I kicked the charts, that's all..."
"Ok..."
Matt didn't say anything.
"Matt ?"
"Yeah, what ?"
"Are you going into therapy ?"
"Yeah. For a month, my dad said..."
"Only a month ?!"
"Yeah, so ?"
"That's way too short !"
"It's none of your business, Tai. Leave it."
Tai sighed.
"Ok, Matt. I'll come around tomorrow, k ?"
"Whatever."
"Now go home, will ya ?"
Matt nodded, even though Tai couldn't see.
"Matt ?"
"Alright..." Matt sighed.
So, that was it again. Sorry for not putting any new diary entries in this chapter. *slapping myself* I'm so happy with all your reviews ! Thank you thank you thank you ! I hope you'll keep reading my story and uhm now... REVIEW !!! Uhm... Matt's therapy is gonna take a few chapters, cause all his emotions and reasons to be depressed are explained in it, lots of flashbacks and so... read ! Please ?
Gotta be strong... Turn tears into a smile...
-x-x-x- Mari-sama~