Finally, a somewhat original IZ fic! This is actually inspired by a mixture of things; a certain Pinky and the Brain episode('Brinky', in which something very similar happens to Pinky and Brain) and that 'Zim parodies DBZ' mp3 floating around on Audiogalaxy; in some parts, the guy(who may or may not be Zim's actual VA; I don't know, it sounds like him, just not doing his Zim/Dagget voice) sounded, to me, like an odd mix of Zim and Dib. And thus this was spawned.
I did a few crappy doodles to go along with the story:
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=90356
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=90361
Slight warning: This might have undertones of silly slash. Nothing icky, though there's some symbolism in the end of this chapter that an extremely dodgy mind like mine might pick up. Anyway. I hope you like it. Review if you want to make me verah' verah' happah'. n.n
Zim narrowed his eyes, teeth ground in intense concentration. Sweat poured off of his forehead, dribbling down the sides of his goggles, as he held the tweezers in unsteady claws. Millimetre by millimetre he lowered the tiny component into the slot awaiting on the machine below, electricity crackling unchecked through the open current.
He leaned forward, goggles scant inches away from the opening, a small, but bright lamp arching away from the bridge of the goggles providing him with light. His wrist tilted at a nearly unperceivably slow rate, making sure it was aligned just so with the slot. One wrong move, and..
"MAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSTEEEEEEER!"
Zim yelped and dropped the tweezers, jerking upright and smashing his skull into the open hood of the Voot Runner. The tweezers and the component that was clamped between their claws rolled off of to the side, clattering through a crack and disappearing into the bowels of the engine.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Zim wailed, lunging forward and reaching for the tweezers. In the process, his claw landed right into the open electrical slot.
"AAAAAAAARRRGH!" Electricity danced through the new fleshy conductor, nearly electrocuting the Irken. Smoke curling from his blackened skin, he coughed, crawling back with a wheeze and glaring daggers at the guts of his 'runner.
Muttering, he tore off his goggles, shaking the soot off of his face and stomped toward the source of the cry, leaving a trail of ashes. "COMPUTER!" he snarled as he stalked into the elevator, "Take me to the main house level."
The lift started to whirr to life, only to sputter and die. Zim's eyelid twitched, "COMPUTER!"
"Lift system malfunctioning. Please take the stairs."
Zim clenched his fist, huffing out a puff of smoke and forcibly making his way to the stairs, shoulders hunched as he kicked the trap-door of the attic down. Climbing down, muttering foul things in Irken all the while, he curled and uncurled his fingers, preparing to strangle the little robot that disturbed him.
"GIR! I told you I was VERY BUSY making repairs on the Voot runner! You were not to-" He stopped upon spotting the SIR, who was in the living room.
Gir was wailing uncontrollably, holding the area of the knee-joint on one of his legs. Electricity frizzled around a shallow dent in the metal encasement. Zim frowned, slumping out of his angry stance and walking over to the damaged robot.
"What did you do to yourself, Gir?"
"I crashed and hurted mah leeeeg!" He sniffled, looking up at Zim with watery eye-cams.
Zim closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, "...doing what?"
"Tryin' ta jump on da ceeeeiling!" Gir suddenly grinned, and attempted to demonstrate, but as soon as he stood, he wailed again and stumbled back onto the floor with a whimper.
Zim kneeled by the little robot, looking dull, "And why were you trying to do that?"
"...I dunnooooo."
Zim sighed and picked up the SIR, setting the robot and himself on the couch, the damaged leg draped over his lap. He unfolded an arm from his pod, the rounded tip of the mechanical limb snapping out into an array of tools. Selecting a few from the display, he set to work repairing the small dent and the damaged electronics beneath the metal hull.
Gir squealed and covered his eye-cams, squirming and making a range of faces, finally settling for peeking out from between his fingers fearfully.
"Stay STILL, Gir," Zim grumbled as he re-soldered the panel he'd cut into Gir's leg, "There." The arm folded back into his pod, and Gir marveled at his leg, flexing it experimentally. He squealed again, this time with joy, and glomped onto Zim happily.
Zim stood up, the robot still attached to him, momentarily wondering if that'd been the wisest thing to do; an incapacitated Gir meant a behaving Gir. A ringing phone jerked his attention away from his thoughts, and he twitched, walking over to pick it up, the grateful SIR clamped firmly to his head in a hug.
"Hello, Zim.. er.. residence? ....No, I don't want any of your stinking siding, filth-beast!" He slammed the phone back into its cradle, and Gir finally released his head, running back to the TV and grabbing the remote.
Upon pressing the power button, the TV promptly exploded.
Zim twitched again, staring in disbelief at the blackened blast-pattern on his carpet and walls. The smoke rising from the place the television had previously stood soon mingled.. with the smoke coming from the kitchen.
"Eh?! What now?!"
However, before he could run in to investigate, a light-bulb suddenly snapped and went out, plunging the house into darkness.
Zim dropped to his knees and screamed. Gir screamed along happily.
"ONE IRKEN CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH!" He pulled on his antennae, nearly uprooting them from his brain, staring disparagingly at the dark room. One of the devices concealed within his glove beeped.
"AAH! I'm late for Skool!" He put on his costume in a panic and stumbled out the door, his wig skewed, one of his contacts at an odd angle.
As he ran down the sidewalk, he didn't notice, or hear, the large crack erupt and run up the side of his house, or the flames that engulfed the roof.
Is there something in this stinking Earth air that causes Irken technology to spontaneously explode after a while?! He drummed his claws together, brain searching for some sort of explanation, ..could it be possible my equipment is less than up-to-par? NO! He quickly dismissed the thought, The Tallest entrusted me with a secret mission on this filthy planet of mystery, they couldn't have given me any less than the best Irken engineering has to offer!
Still.. it was a problem which demanded a solution far more than an explanation. It wasn't as though there was anything on THIS planet that could help him; the only ones capable of comprehending Irken technology were, well, Irkens. Not just any Irkens, either; only those of his extensive academic training!
If only there was more of my amazing.. INCREDIBLE.. brain to go around! He slumped in his seat, until his eyes widened. He had an idea.
"THAT'S IT! I am a GENIUS!" Zim shouted suddenly, thrusting a claw at the ceiling, cackling maniacally with his revelation.
His cackling trailed off and died when the shadow of Ms. Bitters loomed over his desk. He whimpered and withdrew his finger to his side, staring up fearfully at the disturbing teacher.
Ms. Bitter's uttered a low, rattling hiss, glasses shimmering with malevolence. Zim shrunk into his seat, curling into a foetal position and hugging his knees.
Satisfied with the green student's terror, she flew back over to her desk in front of the room. All of the other students stared Zim, especially Dib, who eyed the alien with suspicion. Just what's he up to?
Zim soon recovered, unfolding himself and pulling out a piece of scrap paper. His eyes darted back and forth, his arm curling over the paper secretively, and he began to doodle his plan. Dib raised an eyebrow, glaring at the plotting Irken with narrowed eyes.
Soon enough, the bell rang, and the class went from a group of calmly sitting pupils to a wild stampede in 0.002 seconds.
Grinding his teeth, Dib shoved his way through the throng, trying to sneak a peek at what Zim was drawing. He finally spotted Zim's metallic 'backpack' in the fray, still sitting at his desk, intent on his doodle. Dib stood on his tip-toes, stealing a glance over Zim's shoulder.
His eyes widened, but he didn't get a chance to study the primitive drawing long, pulled away by the current of the student bodies. He had seen enough, though.
Scribbled onto the notebook paper, in Zim's childish drawing style, were what looked like alien machine components, labeled with some unreadable alien script. But below that had been Zim's interpretation of the end result of his ingenious plan; A familiar looking Irken standing tall before a crowd of extremely similar aliens, raising a gloved fist, an action mirrored by those below him.
Dib was pulled out into the hallway, where the crowd had dispersed into various directions. He slid his glasses back into place, eyes wide, "He's planning on making an army of clones! Millions of Zims, all working toward the complete obliteration of humanity!" Dib's hands curled into fists, "HE MUST BE STOPPED AT ONCE!"
The bell rang again, signaling the start of next period. Dib slumped, "..or at least until after Skool's over."
"Behold, GIR, the-"
"WHAT IS IT?!"
Zim glared at the robot, and coughed, "As I was saying.. The.. er.." Zim scowled as he sought a name, "CLONE.. MACHINE... thingee. It copies-"
"WHAT'S IT DOOO?!"
Zim twitched, "IT COPIES the DNA from two different sources and combines them into an organism! If the same DNA is used for both the 'mother' and 'father' cell samples, you get a perfect clone!"
"Can I have a clone?!"
The Irken looked at Gir dully, "Gir. You are a robot. You have no organic cells and thusly no DNA."
Gir just grinned up at Zim, who sighed and shook his head.
"No, Gir, no clones of you."
"Aww, man!"
Zim stepped up to one end of the machine. "With this device, I can create a small army of ME! I can have whole TEAMS on hand, for doing all kinds of.. STUFF!" Zim threw his head back, laughing madly and curling his claws.
Luckily for Dib, Zim's security system had also died, and he'd been allowed to simply walk in through the door, which fell off after he closed it. He looked around for one of the hidden lifts that lead to Zim's underground lair.. all marked with an 'Out of Order' sign hanging off of them. He stopped in front of a door, labeled "STAIRS!"
Dib scratched his head, then shrugged and put on a dramatic expression, vowing, "Laugh now, Zim! Laugh while you can! But I'll put a stop to your EVIL.. cloney.. scheme!"
"LET THE CLONING COMMENCE!" Zim proclaimed, dramatically swiping a tongue depressor from a cup full of them. He stuck it in his mouth, scraping at the inside of his cheek, humming to himself. He then retrieved a vial, and dropped the slobbery depressor into it with a clink.
He set the vial into what looked like a small cup-holder sticking out of the machine. A red light swept over the vial, then a computerized voice announced, "MOTHER DNA COPIED!"
"YAAAY!" Gir suddenly screamed and hugged Zim's leg, "MASTER'S GONNA BE A MOMMY!"
"EH! Release me, Gir!" Zim tried to shake the robot off, stumbling toward the opposite end of the machine. He was so occupied with trying to pry the SIR unit off of him, he failed to notice the figure crawling around in the jungle of wires hanging from the ceiling.
Unfortunately, the figure in turn failed to notice the wire he was clinging to was frayed at both ends, and the added weight was more than the failing equipment could take.
Zim gave up trying to remove Gir from his lower appendages, grumbling and grabbing another tongue depressor and vial as he reached the opposite end of the machine, where the other cup-holder type thing awaited.
A cracking sound reached his antennae, and he looked up just in time to see a dark-clad, screaming Dib plummet towards him.
Zim didn't have time to scream before the Earth boy crashed into him. The tangled mass of human, Irken, and robot flailed back into Zim's machine as all three struggled to get free at once.
"EARTH STINK! HOW DARE YOU INTRUDE INTO THE SECRET LAB OF ZIM?!" Zim hissed, clawing at the dazed human currently crushing his spine.
"I know your evil plot, Zim! And I'm here to-OW!" There was a ripping sound as Dib yanked his head back from the machine, rubbing his scalp and glaring at whatever he caught his hair on.
The red light slid over the frazzled lock of black hair caught in the machine's clutches. "FATHER DNA COPIED! CLONING PROCESS INITIALIZING!"
"WHAT?!" Both Zim and Dib screamed at once, scrambling to try and stop the machine.
"YAY! I'M GONNA HAVE A LI'L BROTHER! Or maybe sister?" Gir sat up and pondered this.
"WARNING: DNA COPIED IS FROM TWO DIFFERENT SPECIES! PROCESS MAY.. MAY.." The computer started, smoke rising from the machinery as the fate of all Zim's equipment befell it swiftly. It started to rumble, shaking like an overloaded washing machine as Zim frantically hit controls and pulled levers. Dib just looked on in horror.
"INFERNAL TECHNOLOGY!" He screamed desperately, kicking a control panel. That was the straw that broke the donkey's back, and the machine pointedly exploded in a firey blast.
BOOM.
Dib, Zim and Gir were all flung into the back wall of the lab, the two organisms screaming in fear, the robot screaming happily and enjoying the ride. They landed with a vertebrate-cracking THWACK as the room filled with smoke.
Agonized groans - well, and insane giggling from Gir - became ragged coughs, and one of Zim's mechanical limbs unfolded and sprouted a fan, clearing some of the thick electrical smoke.
The machine was in ruins, twisted and blackened. However, it wasn't a complete loss..
The machine pinged like a microwave. The computer's voice, albeit somewhat worse for wear, announced, "PROCESS COMPLETE!"
Zim and Dib stared at the slowly clearing smoke in shock as a short figure slowly became apparent, sitting in the midst of the ruined machine components. Gir fidgeted around, chanting a mantra of "OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!"
The Irken and human exchanged a pensive glance, looking down as the smoke finally revealed the result of their tampering.
A pair of hazel pupils - set against magenta eyes - peered up at them through a set of glasses which didn't have a nose to balance on.
"WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!"