Breath of Fire 1/2
By: Dragon-sama
An Interlude In Which The Characters Yell At The Author
Atop a high mountain which is surprisingly warm for being so high up (I hate cold) there was a cave. It was a dark cave, or at least seemed so from the outside. Inside, however, one could see the signs of a very lazy person who had lost the will to write some time ago everywhere; crumpled papers, half-written chapters, tons of crossed out lines, more red ink than you could shake a stick at... Movement can be seen in the corner of the room as Dragon-sama finally awakens, half past noon.
Dragon-sama: *YAWN!* Erg, that's the last time I stay up till 4 reading fanfiction. I have to go to bed before mom gets up next time. *Gets up to shuffle aimlessly through the ankle-high piles of crumpled paper*
Suddenly there is the sound of breaking glass as a brick with a note on it comes flying in through the window, which is awfuly strange considering this is a cave, and there are no windows, but oh well. Dragon-sama ducks said brick and looks wide-eyed over her shoulder.
Dragon-sama: They've found me! *Contemplates hiding under blanket, but decides to at least see what the note says first* Okay, let's see now... "How dare you leave us hanging like that!"... Yare yare. Okay, what else... "You are the lowest of the low, promising fast chapters then abandoning your faithful readers!"... I did not abandon them! I just...couldn't write... "We are coming for you, and if you don't get your lazy arse out of that cave immediately, we will send Happosai in after you!"... EEEEEEKKKK!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!
Dragon-sama drops the note like it was on fire and races for the cave entrance. Upon reaching the entrance, she hesitates, then pokes her head out.
Dragon-sama: *peers out of cave cautiously* Helloooo? Anybody there? *slowly edges away from safety of hermit's cave* I know you can hear me. I'm really sorry I haven't bee--eep!
Out of nowhere the cast of the story leap out and dog pile said author.
Ranma: Got her!
Akane: Ouch! No, that's me you baka!
Ryoko: Ryoga! Block the cave! Don't let her escape!
Ryoga: Right *Picks up very large and heavy boulder and proceeds to block the entrance of Dragon-sama's hermit cave*
Dragon-sama (from underneath the dog pile): Nooooo! Not my beautiful cave of isolation!
Ukyou: She's breaking free! What do we do?
Rei: A rope! A rope! Quick, before she gets away again!
Ranko: Right! *Swiftly ties up Dragon-sama, and characters back away from their unhappy, hog-tied prisoner*
Dragon-sama: Guuuuuys! I'm sorry I haven't been writing about you! C'mon, lemme go! This is really uncomfortable.
Ranma: No way! We let you go, and you'll go running to your video games again!
Ranko: And you haven't been playing Breath of Fire III, so don't say you're looking for inspiration!
Ryoko: Besides, you know that thing by heart already. The only inspiration you need is a "lesson" in how to be more prompt in getting new chapters out *Cracks knuckles ominously*
Dragon-sama: Eeeep! *Shuts eyes* I'm not here! This isn't happening! Think of your happy place, girl. Hot guys and Bishies! Hot guys and Bishies! Oh no! Rei's there too! Waaaaahhh! I can't get away! *breaks down sobbing*
Rei: *Sweatdrop* Doesn't that just beat all... *Blushes when the others turn to regard him strangely*
Ukyou: Well, what do we do with you now, oh author of us?
Ryoga: I still say we should dunk her in the Spring of Drowned Rat.
Dragon-sama: Eeeeevil Wormtail should be shot, burned, hurt, maimed, drowned--oh wait, already done--, locked in the pink room.... *Goes on ranting about evil things to do to Pettigrew*
Cast all sweatdrops, and Ranma signals for a huddle.
Ranma: Okay, here's the deal. We can either bribe her or threaten her.
Ryoko, Ryoga, Akane, Ranko, and Ukyou: Threaten!
Rei: Shhhh! *looks to see if Dragon-sama heard, but finds her still recounting the many ways to kill Pettigrew* *sweatdrop* Right. Anyway, we should bribe her I think--
Ryoko: No way! She's been a lazy git...a crazy-lazy-author-who-reads-too-much-Harry-Potter-fanfition baka for far too long! She should be punished!
Ryoga: You sound like sailor moon you realize...
Ryoko: *dangerous look* What was that, brother dear?
Ryoga: *Sweatdrop* Nothing...
Akane: *In response to Rei* I guess so...you know, all that nonsense about catching more flies with sugar than vinegar?
Ukyou: *grumbling* I still say a good spatulaing would work wonders on her disposition...
Ranko: What would we bribe her with though?
Dragon-sama: *popping up suddenly* Strawberries and chocolate (dark please) and whipped cream!
All: AAAAHHH!!!
Ranma: *clutching at chest* How did you get loose?!
Dragon-sama: Ummmm...I'm special! *Shinks away from dangerous looks thrown her way* Okay, sorry. A big black dog came to rescue me. It liked my more creative death sentences for the Rat. *Smiles angelically*
Starling pops up in a cloud of green smoke: The pink room? You -are- evil... *Pops away again*
All look slightly confused, save the still smiling Dragon-sama
Rei: Doesn't that just beat all... *Shrugs, then walks up to author and begins whispering in her ear*
The others can't hear what he's saying, but the effects are obvious as Dragon-sama's eyes widen in surprise and a preditory smile appeared on her face.
Rei: *Speaking normally again* So will you be a good girl and go write that chapter for us?
Dragon-sama says nothing but nods her head furiously, eyes partially glazed. She heads off to computer land sniggering evily.
Ryoga: *blinks* What did you say to her?
Rei: Nothing much. I just promised her that is she wrote the chapter I'd get her the last Kazan manga.
All minus Rei face fault: *WHAM!*
Ukyou: *weakly* You bribed her with a...manga?
Ranko: *dryly* Cheaply bought, isn't she?
Rei: Actually, she's been waiting for months for the manga, and as its the last one in the series, she's been quite anxious. Plus she tried to order it twice from Barnes and Noble and they failed to get it twice. She's been tearing her hair out over it for a long time now.
Akane: And how do you know all this! *looks mutinous* We searched for her for months and all this time you knew where she was?! You jerk! *Hauls out mallet, which promptly dissapears* *Blinks in confusion* What?
Ryoko: Remember? The fans are sick of the mallets, so they've gotta go.
Akane: *Sadly* Oh yeah...
Rei: Anyway, I didn't know where she was, but she managed to find me a couple times. You have never heard and endless rant before until you've heard one of hers. *Looks pained* I tried to find you guys while I had her, but she often just talked me into a stupor. That one has SERIOUS problems.
Ukyou: Poor thing. *Pats him on the back in simpathy* Well, she's off writing, so we should get off to inspire her. Ready everyone?
Ryoko and Ranko: Forward! *Goes marching off in the direction Dragon-sama dissappeared to*
Ryoga: *Sweatdrop* They never get sick of that, do they...
Ranma: *Clapping him on the back* Nope. Let's go. *They follow after their siblings*
Akane: *happily* Maybe I'll be in the next chapter!
Ukyou: *Under her breath* Maybe (if we're lucky) your cooking won't be.
Akane: What?
Ukyou: Nothing, sugar! Let's go! *Drags Akane off before she can inquire further*
Rei: *waiting as the others dissappear from sight. A moment later, Dragon-sama steps out of the shadows* Hey.
Dragon-sama: Howdy! So, you can really get Kuja to my place tonight?
Rei: Strawberries, chocolate sauce, whipped cream and all.
Dragon-sama: Yay! To the computer, then! The next chapter awaits! *Drags the unresisting Rei along after the others*
*****************
A/n: I just needed to be funny. I am going to get the next chapter out very soon, or Starling has threatened to withhold my manga (Yes I have been tearing my hair out about it. My head hurts now...). As I will do almost anything for that manga, I must get the chapter out before Sunday. Sucks to be me if I fail, ne? *Hurries off to complete chapter 15*
By: Dragon-sama
An Interlude In Which The Characters Yell At The Author
Atop a high mountain which is surprisingly warm for being so high up (I hate cold) there was a cave. It was a dark cave, or at least seemed so from the outside. Inside, however, one could see the signs of a very lazy person who had lost the will to write some time ago everywhere; crumpled papers, half-written chapters, tons of crossed out lines, more red ink than you could shake a stick at... Movement can be seen in the corner of the room as Dragon-sama finally awakens, half past noon.
Dragon-sama: *YAWN!* Erg, that's the last time I stay up till 4 reading fanfiction. I have to go to bed before mom gets up next time. *Gets up to shuffle aimlessly through the ankle-high piles of crumpled paper*
Suddenly there is the sound of breaking glass as a brick with a note on it comes flying in through the window, which is awfuly strange considering this is a cave, and there are no windows, but oh well. Dragon-sama ducks said brick and looks wide-eyed over her shoulder.
Dragon-sama: They've found me! *Contemplates hiding under blanket, but decides to at least see what the note says first* Okay, let's see now... "How dare you leave us hanging like that!"... Yare yare. Okay, what else... "You are the lowest of the low, promising fast chapters then abandoning your faithful readers!"... I did not abandon them! I just...couldn't write... "We are coming for you, and if you don't get your lazy arse out of that cave immediately, we will send Happosai in after you!"... EEEEEEKKKK!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!
Dragon-sama drops the note like it was on fire and races for the cave entrance. Upon reaching the entrance, she hesitates, then pokes her head out.
Dragon-sama: *peers out of cave cautiously* Helloooo? Anybody there? *slowly edges away from safety of hermit's cave* I know you can hear me. I'm really sorry I haven't bee--eep!
Out of nowhere the cast of the story leap out and dog pile said author.
Ranma: Got her!
Akane: Ouch! No, that's me you baka!
Ryoko: Ryoga! Block the cave! Don't let her escape!
Ryoga: Right *Picks up very large and heavy boulder and proceeds to block the entrance of Dragon-sama's hermit cave*
Dragon-sama (from underneath the dog pile): Nooooo! Not my beautiful cave of isolation!
Ukyou: She's breaking free! What do we do?
Rei: A rope! A rope! Quick, before she gets away again!
Ranko: Right! *Swiftly ties up Dragon-sama, and characters back away from their unhappy, hog-tied prisoner*
Dragon-sama: Guuuuuys! I'm sorry I haven't been writing about you! C'mon, lemme go! This is really uncomfortable.
Ranma: No way! We let you go, and you'll go running to your video games again!
Ranko: And you haven't been playing Breath of Fire III, so don't say you're looking for inspiration!
Ryoko: Besides, you know that thing by heart already. The only inspiration you need is a "lesson" in how to be more prompt in getting new chapters out *Cracks knuckles ominously*
Dragon-sama: Eeeep! *Shuts eyes* I'm not here! This isn't happening! Think of your happy place, girl. Hot guys and Bishies! Hot guys and Bishies! Oh no! Rei's there too! Waaaaahhh! I can't get away! *breaks down sobbing*
Rei: *Sweatdrop* Doesn't that just beat all... *Blushes when the others turn to regard him strangely*
Ukyou: Well, what do we do with you now, oh author of us?
Ryoga: I still say we should dunk her in the Spring of Drowned Rat.
Dragon-sama: Eeeeevil Wormtail should be shot, burned, hurt, maimed, drowned--oh wait, already done--, locked in the pink room.... *Goes on ranting about evil things to do to Pettigrew*
Cast all sweatdrops, and Ranma signals for a huddle.
Ranma: Okay, here's the deal. We can either bribe her or threaten her.
Ryoko, Ryoga, Akane, Ranko, and Ukyou: Threaten!
Rei: Shhhh! *looks to see if Dragon-sama heard, but finds her still recounting the many ways to kill Pettigrew* *sweatdrop* Right. Anyway, we should bribe her I think--
Ryoko: No way! She's been a lazy git...a crazy-lazy-author-who-reads-too-much-Harry-Potter-fanfition baka for far too long! She should be punished!
Ryoga: You sound like sailor moon you realize...
Ryoko: *dangerous look* What was that, brother dear?
Ryoga: *Sweatdrop* Nothing...
Akane: *In response to Rei* I guess so...you know, all that nonsense about catching more flies with sugar than vinegar?
Ukyou: *grumbling* I still say a good spatulaing would work wonders on her disposition...
Ranko: What would we bribe her with though?
Dragon-sama: *popping up suddenly* Strawberries and chocolate (dark please) and whipped cream!
All: AAAAHHH!!!
Ranma: *clutching at chest* How did you get loose?!
Dragon-sama: Ummmm...I'm special! *Shinks away from dangerous looks thrown her way* Okay, sorry. A big black dog came to rescue me. It liked my more creative death sentences for the Rat. *Smiles angelically*
Starling pops up in a cloud of green smoke: The pink room? You -are- evil... *Pops away again*
All look slightly confused, save the still smiling Dragon-sama
Rei: Doesn't that just beat all... *Shrugs, then walks up to author and begins whispering in her ear*
The others can't hear what he's saying, but the effects are obvious as Dragon-sama's eyes widen in surprise and a preditory smile appeared on her face.
Rei: *Speaking normally again* So will you be a good girl and go write that chapter for us?
Dragon-sama says nothing but nods her head furiously, eyes partially glazed. She heads off to computer land sniggering evily.
Ryoga: *blinks* What did you say to her?
Rei: Nothing much. I just promised her that is she wrote the chapter I'd get her the last Kazan manga.
All minus Rei face fault: *WHAM!*
Ukyou: *weakly* You bribed her with a...manga?
Ranko: *dryly* Cheaply bought, isn't she?
Rei: Actually, she's been waiting for months for the manga, and as its the last one in the series, she's been quite anxious. Plus she tried to order it twice from Barnes and Noble and they failed to get it twice. She's been tearing her hair out over it for a long time now.
Akane: And how do you know all this! *looks mutinous* We searched for her for months and all this time you knew where she was?! You jerk! *Hauls out mallet, which promptly dissapears* *Blinks in confusion* What?
Ryoko: Remember? The fans are sick of the mallets, so they've gotta go.
Akane: *Sadly* Oh yeah...
Rei: Anyway, I didn't know where she was, but she managed to find me a couple times. You have never heard and endless rant before until you've heard one of hers. *Looks pained* I tried to find you guys while I had her, but she often just talked me into a stupor. That one has SERIOUS problems.
Ukyou: Poor thing. *Pats him on the back in simpathy* Well, she's off writing, so we should get off to inspire her. Ready everyone?
Ryoko and Ranko: Forward! *Goes marching off in the direction Dragon-sama dissappeared to*
Ryoga: *Sweatdrop* They never get sick of that, do they...
Ranma: *Clapping him on the back* Nope. Let's go. *They follow after their siblings*
Akane: *happily* Maybe I'll be in the next chapter!
Ukyou: *Under her breath* Maybe (if we're lucky) your cooking won't be.
Akane: What?
Ukyou: Nothing, sugar! Let's go! *Drags Akane off before she can inquire further*
Rei: *waiting as the others dissappear from sight. A moment later, Dragon-sama steps out of the shadows* Hey.
Dragon-sama: Howdy! So, you can really get Kuja to my place tonight?
Rei: Strawberries, chocolate sauce, whipped cream and all.
Dragon-sama: Yay! To the computer, then! The next chapter awaits! *Drags the unresisting Rei along after the others*
*****************
A/n: I just needed to be funny. I am going to get the next chapter out very soon, or Starling has threatened to withhold my manga (Yes I have been tearing my hair out about it. My head hurts now...). As I will do almost anything for that manga, I must get the chapter out before Sunday. Sucks to be me if I fail, ne? *Hurries off to complete chapter 15*