"I'd like to have
that one back"
"I'd like to have that one back" sung by George Strait
Written by: Bill Shore, Rick West, and Aaron Barker (Courtesy of Capitol Records)
Found on George Strait Box Set CD # 4, Song # 9
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Background for Sara leaving:
It had been two months since the hotshot CSI, Sara Sidle had left. Many at CSI knew she was having problems and some even tried to help. But in the end, the problems got the better of her and she took a job with the Dallas CSI unit. She had left with only a few knowing, though the situation for her leaving was suspicious, rumors were that she and Grissom had a falling out and though she deserved it he refused to promote her to CSI level 3. He stated that she wasn't ready. Not all of it was true, only the 4 graveyard shift CSI's she was close to know the truth. One of which wished he had done things different with her.
It was Nick and Catherine that took her to the airport that cold December night a week before Christmas. As she boarded the plane to her parents where she was going to stay until after the holidays, she promised Nick and Catherine that she would keep in touch and that she was sorry, but she couldn't work for him any longer. They both understood her pain.
(Grissoms thoughts)
I heard someone speak her name
They said she was still looking fine.....
Sometimes he found it hard to get out of bed lately, and face the crew at CSI. The looks were hard and cold, they blamed him for one of the best CSI's Vegas has had leaving. Since the moment she left his world seem to collapse. Catherine did what she could to help but it wasn't enough. He spent more time alone and less time on cases, he had finally taken time off, his life was no longer his. He had to admit it was different at work, as he walked in everyday to face the people he commanded. Sara's replacement was picked by the sheriff which didn't hurt his feeling at all. The replacement was a women two years out of the academy. Catherine had taken her under her wing. Which was fine, less time around the girl the better, she reminded him of Sara.
This day as he was walking toward his office he passes the lab, where he hears Greg mentions her name.
"So you've heard from Sara lately?"
"Yep, she is doing fine, enjoying her time in Dallas" answers Nick
"That's good, I miss her everyday, not the same around here"
"I know, its hard to come in sometimes" says Nick
"Got that right, but I bet its harder on him" says Greg pointing at Grissom who was walking by.
"I know it is, he hasn't been the same"
"He had feelings for her didn't he?" questions Greg quietly knowing the answer.
"Missed his chance"
"Can you give me her number?" asks Greg with pleading eyes, changing the subject.
"Sure, catch me later, gotta run" says Nick walking out of the lab
"Thanks man" says Greg turning toward his work.
I could still feel the same ol' flame
I once felt when she was mine
Always thought I was missing something
I found out much too late
They'll never be another who would love me that way
Sitting down at his desk Grissom glances at a photo of Sara that had been taken at a crime scene. After her departure Catherine had framed it and put it on his desk. He don't know at what crime scene it had been taken, but it didn't matter. Having the picture there was painful but he never could figure out why he didn't take it off his desk. There were times the smile on her face captured his attention he would stare at the picture with a feeling he had never had before. Since she had left the feeling had come up more and more. There were times he could hear her voice , so tender and sweet with a bit of eagerness. A grin would grace his face when he heard the voice in rememberness. Before she came to Vegas his life wasn't much more than science and his bugs, he would shut himself into his world and not let anyone come in. But it was Sara who pushed herself into his world. That's when he took note of the beauty that she possed. The feelings he had inside now where something new to him. He wished he had realized these feeling before she left.
He didn't know how long she had had feelings for him. She left them hidden deep down inside herself. A bit him was in her. She wasn't a people person and she keep herself inside her work, he thought she might have had some kind of feeling for him but he never looked into that. A piece of himself had left that cold December night and it would never return.
After she left he tried to call her parents but she refused to come to the phone stating that she had nothing to say to him. At that moment he felt a pain like someone had stabbed him, it was something he had never felt in his life. He wanted to say he was sorry and that he loved her but the words never came out and he hung up the phone. It seemed his world had stopped turning at that moment , never to start again............
I'd like to have that one back
Never known someone so true
And a love so pure and sweet
It's what a man should never lose......
She was one of the hardest working CSI's he had known. If no one had an answer she did. She was passionate about her work and sometimes she let her emotions come though, never tring to hide the way she really felt. Except when it came to him. He never noticed how her eyes and face lit up when he came into a room, somehow making the whole room glow. The love that she had toward her work and the people she knew was as pure as it came. He knew he'd had lost the love she wanted to give him, it wasn't his pride, but his own unoticing that cause him to lose the best thing in life, with the one with whom he needed.......
If my lips had said I'm sorry,
She might have stopped right in her tracks
But now I find my poor heart saying
I'd like to have that one back...........
He wished he had said that he was sorry and promoted her. She did deserve it she had solved the required 100 cases and a few more. He didn't know why he didn't what to promote her, it wasn't that reason she left. She loved him and she tried to get him to notice her for more than her ability but he failed now she was gone. He wished he was able to show his feelings maybe if he was she would still be here and he wouldn't have a pain, longing. That's what Catherine called it. Catherine had been his source of strength always taking over being the friend she had always been. It was her who broke the news that Sara had left and told him to call her and tell her how he felt but as always he didn't know how. Would she come back if he did get the words out...........
I could almost see her standing there
Tears rolling down her face.
He could remember the day she had shown up at the doorway of his office. He could tell that she was upset at the way he had treated her. He did apologize for the meat incident but that wasn't why she had come to the door. She was feeling him out wanting to know if she could go down the path with him. She knew that the stakes were high but she didn't care she couldn't hold back her feelings for him any longer. The promotion wasn't what she wanted she wanted him and for the first time his heart wanted her but he himself didn't know.........
f I'd had only known
Then what I had known now............
Sometimes he wished he was able to read between the lines. Sara would be here if he could. The ability for that wasn't there for him. He only saw the outside never took in the inside stuff. At times he was emotionless, nonhuman, he did have emotion but was unable to express his thoughts with words or actions. The world was basic for him, black and white, never color. Everything happened for a reason never "just because". These beliefs were now foreign to himself, maybe things did happen "just because". He tried to explain the feelings Sara had for him but for the first time he was unable to explain them. Never had he had no explanation for something. Maybe he did love her, maybe he did have special feelings for her. He found that he was comfortable working with Sara more so than the others. He could talk, and she would understand, sometimes they knew what each other were thinking. Now he wishes he knew then what he knows now...........
I'd like to have that one back......
He couldn't believe someone had the feeling of love for a guy like himself. He was a self-absorbed workaholic. One who spent his free time doing cross-word puzzles and studding bugs. He hadn't had a date since the disaster with Teri Miller. He always felt bad about how his work had messed up a date with a pretty lady like Teri. Ever since that date he had stayed away from women and built a wall around himself but Sara was always around, tring to break the force around him that he had put up, maybe if he had taken the time to see he won't be feeling the way he felt at this moment. Catherine could see that Sara was special and a lot like himself, "a perfect match," as she had said the night Sara left. "Sometimes in life you get one chance to prove yourself, but as usual you failed." He could hear the words at every moment, they were the words of Catherine, and as hard as it was she was right. He had missed his chance, now he had to pick up the pieces something he didn't want to do. It was true he had missed his only chance but maybe it wasn't his only chance, maybe he could say those words that had always been hard for him to say, maybe she would come back, and he would be less confused about himself and the feelings he felt for Sara Sidle.
The End
Post Thoughts: This story shows how confused and unknowning Grissom is of himself and the world around him at that time. I found a song that mirrors the happening of Burden of Proof from Sara's angle, that song is "Anymore" by Travis Tritt. It takes in her feelings during that episode and her feelings in epos ides that followed. Both of the stories are kinda deep, but I wanted to touch on feelings of the characters, the only way I could was by disecting a song. I found that certain songs are able to capture what I can't write or feel myself, cause afterall these people are fiction. I just hope you enjoy both of them, I loved writting them!!!