Title: Moving forward....mostly.
Author: Daisy
E-mail: e.large@talk21.com
Pairing: Cordelia and Angel of course!
Rating: R for occasional swearing
Category: Romance/Angst.
Spoilers: Set at the end of Season two of Angel.
Disclaimer: NOT MINE! Joss Whedon and ME own everything.
Feedback: Yes please.
Distribution: You want it, you got it. But be a peach and
let me know
Authors note: Sequel to Back and forth, ok kids this
follows on from B&F straight away in a round aboud
fashion. We have Angel narrating this time.
See if you can spot the exact moment I got fed up with
writing angst, the winner gets a cookie.
***
"What did you just call me?"
"I didn't...Cordy, what I meant was.....you're...."
There is absolutely no way for me to get out of this with my genitals still attached.
"Well Angel? What exactly did you mean when you called me fat?"
Yep, goodbye testicles. Nice knowing ya. Send me a postcard from Cordelia's mantel piece.
"I didn't call you fat Cordy, I just....I said.....certain areas of you....areas that I love by the way....had gotten...larger. In a good way sweetheart, I meant it in a good way."
"A good way? Explain to me how it was meant in a good way because I'm having a little trouble with fat ever being used as a complement! Why don't you just tell me I look like a bloated hippo and be done with it."
And here comes the shouting. God she's gorgeous when she gets angry, trust me, I've seen Cordy angry enough over the last few months to really appreciate the beauty of an irate Cordelia Chase. But I'm not going to rise to the bait this time, not when she's seven months pregnant and looking for a fight. I'm man enough to admit when I'm out matched in a battle, she'd wipe the floor with me right now.
"Cordelia you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Even more so now. You're exquisite."
Oh yeah, I've still I got it.
"Don't think you're gonna charm your way out of this one vampire. You used the *f* word when talking to a pregnant woman, no amount of sweet talk is gonna keep you from sleeping on the sofa tonight."
Or maybe not.
"Cordy you're being irrational."
Why can't I just keep my big mouth shut?
"I'm not irrational!! I'm a very pregnant woman with backache, swollen ankles, dry skin and a headache! I'm hungry and tired and you just called me fat! And I realise I'm shouting like a crazy person but that's because I'm mad at you, not because I'm being irrational! Sofa!!"
How amazing is this woman? Yes she's insane right now, with the screaming and the throwing pillows at me but it's understandable. This isn't a serious fight, she's just blowing off steam. Trying to avoid an earlier discussion we had with violence. I can't believe I almost didn't have this. I was such an idiot. I admit it OK, I'm an idiot. You can stop agreeing with me so fervently now. Thanks.
So, I suppose you want to know what happened since that dreadful day I found out Cordelia had been keeping things from me that led to sofa threats and pillow beatings? Well, a hell of a lot of drinking on my part that's for sure. In times of crisis I turn to an old friend of mine, tequila. You might have met him before, he dulls the edges and smoothes the corners of life for a little while. Like I said, I'm an idiot. I'm getting ahead of myself here aren't I? Lets go back to the beginning, well the almost begining.....
***
Sex, lies and Pylean refugees revisited....
"Have I asked anything from you Angel?" Cordelia asked him quietly, she stared out of her living room window, unable to look at the man she loved for fear of losing another part of her heart to him.
"No." The vampire said from the shadows on the opposite side of the room, he knew she sat by the window on purpose. The late afternoon sunlight kept her out of his reach even when so close.
"Have I blamed this on you? Have I screamed and shouted and damned you to hell?"
"Cordy..." Angel edged towards her, skirting around the rays of light.
"Have I!?" She turned her head to him quickly, her eyes shooting fire, daring the vampire to contradict her.
"No..." He sighed with resignation
"I lied to you and I'm sorry, but that's it Angel. That's all you get to be mad at me for." Cordelia told him pointedly, not even believing herself. Dragging her body from the warm comfort of the couch she walked with heavy footsteps to her small kitchen. Away from Angel. Cordelia rinsed out her tea cup and stretched the aching muscles in her neck. So much had happened in the last few months and now it had finally slammed into her at full force, making her want to let her knees go and crumble to the cold floor. She held on to the side of the sink with all her strength.
"But it's not as simple as that is it?" Angel said from behind her, still too close, Cordelia felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Yes it is." She traced her name into a spot of water on the counter with her finger, it disappeared as fast as she wrote it.
"Cordelia you're carrying my child. Nothing is ever going to be simple again."
Cordelia felt his light touch on her elbow, asking her to turn around and face him. Face what she had done, the lies she told, the trust she'd broken.
"I'm tired." Cordelia mumbled and shook her head, shrugging away from Angel's torturous presence. "I really don't want to talk any more Angel."
"Well I do." The vampire stalked after her. "I don't understand any of this. How can you be pregnant with my child? I'm a vampire in case you've forgotten Cordelia, I can't have children."
"Yeah well, go figure." His seer shrugged at him.
"Are you sure it's mine? You're not exactly a virgin are you Cordy, it's probably one of those guys that hover around you when you go to a club." Angel growled at her before thinking.
"You bastard! What kind of whore do you take me for?! I'm sorry Angel but it's yours, there hasn't been anyone else in a long time. Now get out." Cordelia hissed at him. His words cut her to the bone and made her face flush a deep red. Angel had never spoken to her with such venom before, never intentionally tried to hurt her with words. "GET OUT!" Cordelia screamed at him, for the first time in since she found out she was pregnant the young woman felt a dark cloud of rage pouring through her body, lighting up deadened nerves and rushing blood to the surface of her skin. "OUT!!!" She pushed him angrily towards the door with all her strength.
"Cordy...I'm sorry, I didn't mean that..."Angel held his ground easily as she beat her fists against his chest. "Damnit Cordelia stop it! You're going to hurt yourself!" The vampire caught her hands and forced her to be still, she tried to jerk away from him, get away from the touch that burnt a thousand memories into her skin and broke her heart. "Cordy....just stop please...I need to understand what's going on." He begged her.
"There's nothing for you to understand. Like I said earlier, I don't need your help Angel. I can do this on my own." Cordelia pushed him away. "I don't need you."
***
Not the happiest of beginnings is it? That last 'I don't need you' really pissed me off. I was so angry at her that I had to leave before I did something stupid like trash the place. Throw some furniture around until things made sense in my head. So I got out of there, ran away from Cordelia. I'm really good at that, running. I ran from my past, ran from Buffy, ran from Sunnydale. Ran from the woman carrying my child. I promise I will never ever do that again. My child. How amazing is that? I still can hardly believe I'm going to be a father.
"Cordy, sweetheart, you don't really want me to sleep on the sofa do you? Sweetheart?"
"Angel, I swear to god I'm going to beat you to death with a shovel any minute now."
She doesn't mean that. At least I don't think she does. Maybe I should leave her be for a little while, I have been a little full on of late. I can't help it, it's all so new for me. I'll just back out of the room slowly I think.
"OUCH! Cordelia that hit me on the head!"
"Shovel!"
She threw a book at me! Backing out faster now.
Right, lets get back to the story. I stumbled around the sewers for a while after I left Cordelia's apartment that day, I have no idea how I managed to get back to the Hotel without turning into a pile of dust. Instinct I guess. I couldn't decide if I was deliriously happy or murderously angry with Cordy. I had just found out that she was having my child. Having my child and I couldn't even remember having sex with her. And she'd lied to me, she told me it was Groo's, she let me believe that, had no intention of telling me the truth. I was seriously angry. Now I think it's time you met that old friend of mine.......
***
The trouble with tequila.
Angel sat on the edge of his bed willing himself to remember but all he could see was Cordelia's exhausted face floating before his eyes. 'I don't need you,' repeated over and over in his mind like some terrible mantra, causing him more damage than any stake or ray of light ever could. They'd made love and he couldn't remember it. The vampire pushed himself from the bed and lumbered to his dresser, tequila would solve all his problems. He was a strong vampire but a weak man.
'I don't need you.' She had said.
"But I need you Cordelia." Angel told the bottle in his hands. He unscrewed the cap and gulped down the bitter liquid. Dropping down into his old leather chair he ran through everything in his head. Cordelia was pregnant with his child, she'd lied to him, told him it was Groo's, probably had no intention of telling him the baby was his. They'd made love in Pylea. Yet now she couldn't even bring herself to look at him let alone touch him. Nothing made sense. Did she want him that night? What had it meant to her? Angel had too many questions that were going unanswered. He glanced wearily over at the phone, wondering if he should try calling her again. He'd given up after the eighth time, she didn't want to speak to him.
'I don't need you.'
The last three days without Cordelia had been a bitter pill to swallow, the months he had spent on retreat after Buffy had died were a cake walk compared to this. Three days to compound his guilt and get thoroughly drunk. Cordelia's life had been turned up side down and back to front once again because of him and she refused to see him, talk to him. Touch him. He'd touched Cordelia and ruined her life. She had let him.
"Stupid girl." Angel growled before he drank down the last of the tequila, he threw the bottle across the room not caring when it smashed into a thousand deadly pieces across the floor.
When he had heard the sweet tub thud of the babies heart inside Cordelia his jealousy had bubbled to the surface but he had kept a reign on it. Angel had demanded to know who was responsible and she had brushed him away saying it was the Groosalugg's. No, he had assumed it was Groo's and she just let him believe it. His jealousy at the man he couldn't even remember meeting had made his cold blood boil. Cordelia was his seer. His. She had refused to see him then as well, she didn't come into work for a week and that was fine with Angel because he wasn't sure if he could be in the same room as the woman and not shake some sense into her. The morning sweet Fred had nervously rambled that the Groosalugg wasn't the champion Cordelia had slept with Angel had known straight way it was him. He and Cordelia had made love and he couldn't remember.
"Was it so horrible that Cordelia felt the desire to keep it to herself and pretend it never happened? Is that how much it meant to her! How much I mean to her!?!" The vampire shouted angrily into the empty room. Angel stumbled blindly back over to his dresser, pulling out draw after draw until he found the whiskey he had stashed away. He filled a glass shakily and raised it to an invisible audience.
"To Cordelia Chase ladies and gentlemen, the mother of my child." Angel knocked the drink back in one long gulp. "Damn her to hell." He muttered under his breath then threw the glass against the wall, broken glass falling onto broken glass. "Get out." Angel growled when he heard the door open slowly. Wesley ignored the vampire and strode into the dark room, he flicked on the over head light and grimaced at the state of the room. Furniture was broken, glass scattered the floor and ashtrays sat overflowing.
"I said get out." Angel repeated without turning around.
"What the hell is going on with you? You've been like this for days." Gunn picked his way through the debris. "Is this about that slayer of yours?" When Angel didn't answer the young black man picked up a fallen chair and sat down on it.
"Well?" The Englishman folded his arms across his chest and leant against the bureau, waiting for answers.
"You don't know?" Angel turned to face them suddenly, a bitter laugh trickling from his lips. "You mean there's actually people that didn't know about this before I did?"
"Know what?" Gunn frowned, Angel's was manic laughter was starting to freak him out, he briefly wished he'd brought a crossbow with him.
"Cordelia's pregnant." Angel's laughter stopped as abruptly as it had begun, he stood up on shaky legs and willed the room to stop spinning. "Barbie's pregnant? Cordy's gonna be a...." Gunn trailed off.
"A mother. Cordelia's going to be a mother." Angel muttered, 'a wonderful mother' he added silently.
"Who's the father?" Wesley finally asked.
"I am." Angel told the floor unable to look the ex-watcher in the eye, a surprised silence swallowed the room filling the shadowed corners and rattling the windows. The vampire didn't see the Englishman's fist coming towards him but he certainly felt it, he stumbled backward and tripped over his own legs, landing heavily on his butt. "What the hell was that for?!"
"It seemed like the right thing to do." Wesley shook his hand, wincing at the dull pain that was crackling in his knuckles. Angel lumbered to his feet only to stumble backwards onto the bed.
"You know Wes, for a Brit you've got one hell of a right hook." He rubbed his tender jaw.
"When did you two...How can....But you're a......Your soul didn't...." Gunn shook his head in confusion.
"Right there with ya kid." Angel nodded, he flopped back onto the soft mattress and stared at the ceiling.
"You had sex with Cordelia! How could you risk your soul like that? And she's pregnant! You got your seer pregnant! That doesn't even make sense! How can she be pregnant? You're a bloody vampire!!!" Wesley shouted at him angrily.
"You're kinda repeating what Gunn said, only louder." Angel grunted and pulled himself upright, with clumsy hands he knocked over the light and picture frame on his side cabinet looking for the packet of cigarettes he'd lost somewhere in the room. After he found the crumpled but half full packet he patted his pockets for his lighter. "Hey Wes, got a light?" Angel asked his friend, an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth.
"I don't smoke Angel, and nor do you for that matter."
"Well I guess we're all full of surprises at the moment." Angel muttered, he found the silver lighter under his bed and lit the cigarette drawing in the cool smoke into his dead lungs. "You fellas gonna join me in a celebratory drink?"
"I think you've had enough Angel." Gunn snatched the bottle away from him quickly, the large amount of alcohol Angel had already ingested meant his usual vamp reflexes were somewhat below par.
"Wrong. I haven't had quite nearly enough." Angel slurred but didn't reach for the bottle again.
"When did this happen?" Wesley took of his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He had hardly seen his vampire friend for days, and Cordelia for even longer, the stony silence from the young woman and the sporadic sound of furniture breaking coming from Angel's room gave Wesley an inkling that something was wrong with the pair. He'd thought they'd just had another seer/champion fight, nothing serious, Angel would buy her shoes or Cordelia would flutter her eyelashes at him and all would be right in the world once again. He really hadn't expected this.
"Pylea apparently." Angel sat back down in his chair, all the moving about was making him feel sick.
"What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?" Wesley barked at him, not listening to what Angel had said.
"Pylea? Damn Angel, no wonder you're pissed off." Gunn put two and two together faster then Wesley for once, he passed the whiskey to the vampire with a sympathetic frown. "Go ahead, drink."
"Gunn! Don't encourage him to...." They watched a light flicker on in Wesley's brain, finally understanding. "You don't remember Pylea....you and Cordelia finally..." Wesley gestured wildly with his hands. "And you don't remember?"
"Good to see we're all on the same page at last." Angel muttered bitterly, he raised the bottle in the air and gave it a small shake. "Cheers."
***
I think I need to explain a few things because I'm really not coming off in a good light am I? Did you catch the part when Wes said 'you and Cordelia finally...' Concentrate on the 'finally' in that bumbled sentence. Now what does that say to you? That maybe I'd finally got what I've been dreaming about for the last year or so?
I'd had feelings for Cordelia for some time. Not the 'gee you're a swell gal I'm really glad you're my friend' kind, more like the 'I really want to see every part of you naked in my bed and never ever let you go' kind. But I had resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen, Cordelia and I were friends and she never seemed to want more. So I just pushed my feelings aside and got on with the mission. Even if the feelings were mutual it's not like we could do anything about it, what with the curse and all. Imagine my chagrin to discover that I had slept with the woman I was in love with in a place where the curse wasn't a problem and I couldn't remember it. So now do you understand why I got so unbelievably drunk? The universe had once again kicked me in the balls and I had just about all I could take. Yeah I was angry at her for keeping it from me but I was more pissed off at the fact that she was just so indifferent about it all. Like she would rather just forget it ever happened and get on with her life. Like the baby didn't really have anything to do with me.
Hence the tequila.
I had the bitch of all hangovers the next day.
***
Self pity for two with a side of accusations please....
Angel was pretty sure his head was splitting in two. Hair of the dog was what he needed but his 'friends' and had confiscated what little alcohol he had left last night before they'd left. The vampire couldn't tell if the loud banging noise he could hear was in his head or coming from downstairs. Angel rubbed his hand roughly over his face grimacing at the rasp of stubble against his palm, his mouth was dry and tasted faintly of smoke. The vampire had slept the day away. He was a mess. Swinging his legs shakily over the edge of the bed he sat up, fighting the urge to throw up. Holding his head in his hands Angel tried to quiet the insistent noise in his ears.
"Will you shut up!" He growled loudly into the empty room, to his surprise the banging in his brain stopped. That had never worked before.
"Well if you unlocked the door then I wouldn't need to be breaking through it with my fists." Cordelia's irritated voice muttered from the hall way. Angel stared dumbly at the door, wondering if her voice was a trick of his brain as well. "Angel? Get up and open the door right now!"
The Cordelia in his head never used that tone of voice with him so he deduced that the real thing was outside. Angel stood up and lurched to the door, he flicked the lock and stumbled back when a very annoyed Cordelia Chase pushed passed him and into his room.
"What do...." He started.
"Vision. Just a few vamps tormenting on the locals, Wesley and Gunn are dealing with it as you quite clearly aren't in any state for championing." She raised a disapproving eyebrow at him and folded her arms across her chest.
"Are you OK...I mean...with the vision aftermath?" Angel asked her nervously.
"I'm fine." She answered automatically. The dreadful silence that had been following them around for a while now made itself known once again, forcing Cordelia to stare at the floor and Angel to stare at the ceiling. Before Pylea the silent moments the pair shared had never been awkward, occasionally tense after the Darla fiasco but never awkward. They both missed the gentle comfort of being able to be together and not have to speak. With a tired sigh Cordelia crossed the room and opened the balcony doors, breathing in the cool night air deeply.
"Are you?" She asked him over her shoulder.
"Am I what?"
"Are you OK?"
"Do I look OK to you Cordy?" Angel couldn't help but snap at her, his head was throbbing and he wasn't entirely sure if this was a dream or not.
"You look like shit Angel and you smell worse." The Seer barked back at him.
"Was there something particular you wanted or did you just come here to bitch at me?" He grunted.
"Both. We need to talk Angel but first you need to go have a shower, the whole eau de cigarettes aroma you've got going in here is making me feel nauseous." Cordelia scrunched up her nose in disgust as she looked around the room.
"Look..."
"Just go get cleaned up." Cordelia sighed wearily, she watched the father of her child stalk off to his bathroom, muttering under his breath as he went. If it weren't for the vision she wouldn't have come here, she had called Wesley and told him the details but the ex watcher had insisted she come to the Hotel. Angel's in a bad way he'd said. He's on his way to another beige period Wesley told her. Cordelia didn't really have a choice, she had to see him sooner or later, she was his seer, he was her warrior. They were tied to each other and there was little she could do about it. Now with a baby in the mix thing were a million times more complicated.
Cordelia moved around the room picking up furniture and empty bottles as she went. She threw the heavy ashtrays away and stripped the sheets off the bed. Her foot hit something underneath the bed, she gingerly bent down and picked it up, a little worried at what she might find under there. She was surprised to find it was a framed picture of herself Wesley and Angel in happier times. Before Pylea. Before she had Angel in her bed. Before Cordelia's heart got broken.
"Don't start thinking about that now Chase." She chastised herself, she placed the photo back on the night-stand where she knew it lived and carried on tidying the room. Cordelia could hear the shower running in the next room and the thought of a deliciously naked Angel so close summoned up unwanted memories of their night together, she knew how beautiful he was naked, she'd memorised every millimetre of his skin that night. Cordelia felt her skin flush with desire. As she knew him he knew her. Angel had taken her time and time again with a passion that left her struggling for breath. It wasn't just sex that night, they had made love. Cordelia loved him with every part of her being and she had been sure he'd loved her. But he didn't remember it and Cordelia was on her own with the memories. In love with her best friend, pregnant and alone.
"I should be the one drunk not Angel." Cordelia muttered to herself, her heels crunched on the broken glass scattered on the floor. "Fucking vampire." She growled and began to carefully pick up the large pieces.
"What are you doing?"
"Bah!" Cordelia dropped the glass and jumped in surprise at Angels voice, she hadn't heard him enter the room and come up behind her. "Hell Angel, can't you whistle or something when you come in a room? You scared the crap outta me."
"You've hurt your hand." Angel frowned and took her hand in his, they both watched a small trickle of blood run down her index finger and stain the soft white towel that was wrapped low around Angels hips.
"It's fine Angel....just a little cut. Nothing to worry about." Cordelia said, she didn't like the way her voice came out so husky but his physical closeness to her had that affect on the young woman. Breathing deeply she followed a drop of water sliding down the broad expanse of his chest with her eyes. This is why Cordelia couldn't be here, couldn't be in the same room with him.
"You need to be more careful Cordy, you have to look after yourself now." Angel pressed the towel he had been drying his hair with to the small gash on the palm of her hand.
"I know that." Cordelia snatched her hand out of his grasp angrily.
"Cordelia..." The vampire reached out for her again.
"I've looked after myself fine for twenty years Angel, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I suddenly need some one to kiss the ouches better." The young woman jerked away from him and strode to the other side of the room. Cordelia turned her back to him as he slipped on a pair of black sweat pants.
"Look, I came here because Wesley said you were in a bad way, in a brood to end all broods, drinking your self into an early...whatever." She turned around when she heard the bed springs creak under his weight. Cordelia took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.
C'mon Chase, be the daughter your mother raised.
"I'm here to tell you to stop. Get over it and move on. I'm going to be fine Angel, it's true that I never thought I'd be a single mother but since when has my life gone to plan? You don't need to worry about anything. I'm not leaving LA, I'm still you seer and I will be as long as you need me. You have a job to do so stop with the pity party and go be a warrior."
"Have you even thought that maybe I want to look after you and our child? That I want to be involved?" Angel asked her incredulously.
"I don't need..."
"Will you stop saying that!!! Fine, you don't need me, I get it, can you stop beating me over the head with the fact! Christ Cordelia...just stop!" Angel shouted at her furiously, hurt by her dismissal of him. He sat down defeated on his bed raking his hands roughly through his hair. "I...I'm sorry." Cordelia frowned at his wounded tone, she took a hesitant step towards him unsure of whether she could bare the torment of being so close to him, but the part of herself that cried out whenever the man she loved was in pain propelled her forward. Cordelia sat down next to him, her hands grasped nervously in her lap.
"Why are you so adamant that I should have nothing to do with this? Do you hate me that much?" He asked her quietly, scared of the answer.
"I don't hate you Angel. I could never....I don't hate you." Cordelia said in astonishment.
"Then why?" Angel looked at her finally, his eyes searching hers for the answer.
"I don't...I don't know." The young woman lied, even sitting here with him was painful for her. To be so close to the man she was in love with but unable to say those three little words for fear of what might happen. "Everything is so fucked up." Cordelia shook her head and chuckled bitterly.
"I'm sorry." Angel mumbled and shifted his stare to the floor, all he wanted to do was hold the woman he loved in his arms and keep her and their child safe there forever.
"Why are you apologising?" The Seer stopped laughing and frowned at him, when he still wouldn't look at her she nudged his shoulder with her own. "Angel?"
"I got you pregnant Cordelia." The vampire told her as if she didn't already know.
"It's not like you did it on purpose Angel. Did you do it on purpose? Stupid question seeing as you can't remember it even happening." Cordelia groused.
"I wish I could." He told her truthfully.
"Yeah, so do I." Cordelia whispered in defeat, pushing him away took too much energy and she was tired.
"I miss my best friend." Angel snaked his hand through hers, he felt her tense up at the contact but slowly relax next to him.
"I miss you too Angel." She leant her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, Cordelia needed this even if it were for only a few moments.
"Can we not fight anymore Cordy, please? I can't stand it when we fight." The vampire asked, the desperation in his voice made her want to cry.
"OK." Cordelia bit her bottom lip and squeezed his hand in reassurance. She blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm sorry too, for not...for not telling you, for lying."
"Shh, that doesn't matter anymore. It's not important." Angel rested his chin on the top of her head, breathing in the soft perfume of her hair. Cordelia sighed and leant further into the embrace, unbidden memories of the morning they had spent together in Pylea twisting her heart. The vampire untangled his hand from hers and rested it on Cordelia's belly, her breath caught in her throat at the intimate touch. "This is all that matters now." Angel kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. Cordelia placed her small hand over his and savoured the moment.
***
That was a turning point for us I think, we both just seemed to decide enough was enough, no more fighting, no more tears and definitely no more tequila for me. We sat together like that without talking for a long time, just happy to be in the same room again without screaming accusations at one and other.
"Angel, are you planning sleeping on that thing all night or are you gonna come to bed?"
I hate this sofa. Really, really hate this sofa. It's small and lumpy and hard and I think Fred spilt soda on it cos there's this nasty sticky patch on one of the cushions. The worst thing is though that there's a distinct lack of Cordelia Chase in my arms. So no, I won't be sleeping on here for much longer but I'm also not moving quite yet.
"I guess it depends if you're still acting like a crazy person or not Cordy."
"No more insanity, I swear."
"If I had a dime for every time you said that Cor.."
"We'd still be dirt poor. C'mon Angel, I know you want to come to bed......I'll do that thing you like with my tongue."
You have no idea how tempting that is.
"Uh uh missy, we are going to talk about this morning. You still haven't answered my question. Talk."
"I don't wanna."
She's making it kinda hard to think right now....oh that's good...she does this thing with her teeth on my neck.....makes me crazy...
"Ow, jeez, she's on the move again Angel."
Huh?
"Huh?"
"Your demon spawn dumbarse, she's making herself known, tap dancing across my bladder. Great. Now I have to pee. Wonderful. Way to set the mood Cor. I swear the next baby we have you are so carrying it because if you think...."
And she's gone, muttering the whole way to the bathroom. This hasn't been the easiest of pregnancies what with one thing and another. There have been some really hard times. Dreadful horrible times that I thought neither of us would be able to survive. We're not up to that part yet though.
Well I better get back to the story before Miss Chase gets back and distracts the hell out of me again. OK, so, where were we? Oh yeah, we made a truce. Cordelia said she wouldn't keep pushing me away and I said I'd stop acting like such an idiot. It was a little difficult for a while but we soon sorted ourselves out. Sort of.
Cordelia came into work the next day to everybody's delight, no one really expected her to, least of all me, but she did. A smile on her face and a box of doughnuts in her hand like the last few weeks had never happened. I know now that it was one of the most difficult things Cordelia had ever done, to hold her head up and look her family in the eye when her world was still shaking at the foundations. I had no idea how hard it was for her to be around me but she still came to the Hotel day after day, pretending she was OK, pretending that just being near me wasn't breaking her heart. I wished she'd told me but then again I guess I could have told her how I felt. We're really not very good at communicating.
Soon things were back to normal...ish
***
An overprotective vampire and an increasingly pregnant seer.....
"Hold on Cordy, let me do that." Angel jogged over to where his Seer sat sorting through the case files on the floor next to her desk.
"Thanks but I think I can handle it." Cordelia rolled her eyes and shuffled the stack in front of her.
"Why don't you go upstairs and watch some tv with Fred, I'm sure she'd like the company."
"All I've done is keep Fred company for a week Angel, as much as I love her I think if we spend any more time together one of us is going to end up with a black eye. Gunn's up there with her anyway, I do believe he has a crush on our little physicist." She tried to change the subject to no avail.
"Well why don't you go have a lay down then, you look tired." Angel helped her to her feet even though she was quite capable of standing up on her own. Angel was driving her mad.
"Thank you Angel, it does a girls ego so much good to be told she looks tired, why don't you just add frumpy and haggard to the list while you're at it." Cordelia scowled at him. "I'm bored, I don't want to lie down or put my feet up, I want to do something that involves actually moving. I'm pregnant, not ill." The young woman sat down in her chair and slipped off her shoes, it was fast becoming apparent that two inch heels were not suitable for women that were five and a half months pregnant.
"I just worry about you Cordy." Angel smiled and shrugged. "And your as beautiful as you ever were if not more." He added softly. The vampire was rewarded by a surprised but brilliant smile from his seer.
"That's more like it, I knew you had it in ya." Cordelia grinned and punched him lightly on the thigh. "Seriously though Angel, I don't need to be wrapped in cotton wool. I know I can't go out with you guys on cases but I need to do something. I'm going out of my mind doing the same thing everyday." She pouted and tapped her nails on the desk top.
"Well what do you want to do?" Angel reached out and brushed her hair away from her face, his thumb grazed across her cheek, he didn't even realise he was doing it until he saw Cordelia's eyes on him. "Sorry." The vampire begrudgingly let her go.
"That's ok." Cordelia muttered, she missed his cool hand on her skin straight away, it was soothing and achingly familiar and gone far too quickly. She slid her hand into his on his thigh, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It seemed silly for them to be embarrassed about touching each other when they were having a child together but too many things had gone unsaid between the pair, silly little things like attraction and love. They had silently agreed not to talk about the night they had spent together in Pylea and concentrate on the child growing inside Cordelia, even though they both longed to talk about it neither dared to bring the conversation up. Neither knew that the other loved them and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide how they felt from each other.
"So." Angel cleared his throat awkwardly. "What do you want to do? You name it and we'll do it."
"Shopping." Cordelia said simply, retail therapy would solve all her problems and make her feel better.
"Anything but shopping." Angel said quickly. "It's still light out anyway, not much fun shopping with a pile of dust Cordy."
"At least the pile of dust wouldn't complain as much as you do. The sun will be going down in half an hour and the mall's open till late so nerr!" Cordelia stuck her tongue out at him. "Of course I could go on my own I guess....." She pouted theatrically.
"Fine, fine, shopping it is then." Angel groused trying to hide the delighted smile that was threatening to take over his face. "You only want me for my credit card."
"Well you've got to be good for something haven't ya." Cordelia grinned at him and kissed his cheek, surprising both of them. "I'll um, I'll just go get ready." The flustered seer stepped away from Angel, her heart beating so loud and quick that she was sure Fred and Gunn could hear it upstairs. "I'll be...yeah." Cordelia turned around and hurried across the lobby.
"Take your time, there's no rush and hey, if you change your mind that's completely OK with me." Angel called after her as she walked away. The vampire didn't even try to hide the smile that blossomed on his face this time, relishing the warm tingle that spread across his cheek from where her soft lips had touched him.
***
One overused credit card later..
Winifred 'Fred' Burkle hadn't celebrated Christmas for five years, holidays seemed rather pointless when you were living on your own in a cave. The petite Texan was making up for it now though, mistletoe ivy and holly adorned every surface and doorway of the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel, she was tempted to break out the tinsel and fake snow but she was sure that would be a little too much for Angel. Fred was pleased with her work nonetheless and the delighted gasp that emanated from Cordelia as she came through the front door made the time she'd spent on the lobby worth it.
"Oh Fred honey it's gorgeous!" Cordelia clapped her hands happily, a delighted smile lighting up her eyes.
"Do you think Angel will mind?" Fred asked nervously.
"Will I mind what?" Angel grunted from behind a tower of shopping bags as he lumbered into the Hotel. Fred bit her lip and edged towards Cordelia as the vampire put down the packages and took in the Christmas decorations. "Oh. It's...it's...." He blinked, the large number of lit candles made him nervous.
"It's Christmas Angel." Cordelia informed him evenly as she watched Fred wander across the lobby to fiddle with the mistletoe hanging in the doorway. The seer raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at Angel. "Remember Christmas? Good will to all men and nervous little physicists that hero worship the ground you stalk on? Sound familiar?" Angel got her point and joined the newest member of their little team.
"Thank you Fred, it's lovely." He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek before she even knew he was next to her.
"Oh um...err..you're welcome!" Fred squeaked nervously. "I wanted to do something nice for you and Cordy because I know things have been difficult for both of you of late and I'm sure it hasn't helped having me skittering around the Hotel and poking my nose into things that aren't my business and I really love Christmas so I thought I'd decorate but I think I must have got carried away you can take it down if you want." She rambled.
"Take a breath Fred." Cordelia called from the office.
"Sorry." Fred blushed red.
"I love it, it's very..." Angel waved his hand oddly. "...festive."
"I thought so." Fred relaxed. "So how was shopping?"
"Exhausting." He grumbled, the truth though was he'd loved spending so much time with Cordelia on her own away from the Hotel.
"Oh don't be such a grump Angel, I know you had fun." Cordelia joined them on the couch. "There was one point when he didn't complain for at least ten minutes." She smiled conspiratorially at the Texan.
"Wow." Fred giggled, she adored watching Cordelia and Angel when they were like this, she just wished the pair would talk about their feelings for each other so they could be together properly. "What did you buy?"
"It would be easier to list what she didn't buy." Angel muttered under his breath, Cordelia kicked his shin and scowled at him.
"Just a few bits, baby grows and blankets, some clothes for when I'm eight months pregnant and can't fit into anything but a tent. Oh and the cutest little pink dungarees from Baby Gap, she is going to be the best dressed baby girl in California." Cordelia smiled happily and rested her hand over her swollen belly as she talked about their child.
"Or the most confused little boy in California." Angel could help but mirror her happy mood. It was so good to see Cordelia back to her old self again, the tired vacant eyes that had looked through him only weeks before were now lit up with the soft candle light.
"Yeah well we'll see mister. I'm right though. Definitely a girl." Cordelia nodded mostly to herself, she grimaced as she shifted in her seat, her feet were sore from walking and her back ached from standing.
"Put your foot up on here." Angel patted his thigh, when she just stared at him and didn't move he lifted her foot up for her. Any protests she was forming in her mouth flew away as soon as Angel's strong thumb began to rub delicate circles across the arch of her foot. A deep sigh slipped passed her lips. Fred was starting to feel like a third wheel.
"Where's Wes and Gunn?" Angel asked her as he carried on rubbing Cordelia's feet.
"Huh? Oh, Wesley said something about picking up a book he needed for....something and Charles has gone for take out." Fred told them.
"A book for what? Fred is Wesley still looking for prophecies about the baby? I thought he would have given up by now, he just refuses to believe that this is just a happy accident and doesn't signal the end of the world."
"He just worries about you Cordy, we all do." Fred tried to appease her. The half smile she received from Cordelia told her she wasn't angry, just slightly annoyed at the Englishman.
"And I love you all for it but you guys have got to relax, OK? It's making me crazy and Angel's credit card can't handle another retail therapy session for a while." Cordelia reluctantly pulled her foot from Angel's embrace and stood up, stretching her arms and back at the same time. "I'm going to go upstairs and change my bra because the one I'm wearing is quite clearly too small for me now." She put her hands on her hips and scowled at her breasts. Angel tried his best not stare too but failed miserably.
"Do you need a hand?" He said with out thinking, Fred's giggling snapped him out of his trance and made him realise what he'd said. "I mean do you need a hand carrying anything upstairs not do you need a hand changing your bra because I'm sure you can do that on your own, unless you do need help then I'd be happy to help. Not *happy* happy......Fred I think your rambling is contagious."
"Welcome to my world." Fred patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.
"Your so sweet when you bumble." Cordelia tilted her head and smiled softly at him, she was warm happy and safe and didn't want to listen to her internal censor that told her not to say things that would show Angel the content of her heart.
"Ooh ooh! Mistletoe!" Fred bounced up and down, pointing to the small sprig that was hanging above Cordelia and Angel.
"Sweetie it's kinda difficult to be in the lobby and not stand under mistletoe, you've put it everywhere." The young seer suddenly felt nervous.
"You have to kiss, it's the law." Fred ignored her and stood her ground. She was going to get these two together if it killed her.
"I don't think..." Cordelia's reply was cut off by Angel's cool lips pressing against hers, it could have been construed as a chaste kiss between two best friends but it lasted a little too long and Cordelia leant towards Angel with a little to much fervour for it to be platonic. Cordelia had a horrible thought that she may have whimpered when his lips left hers, she opened her eyes only to lose herself in the vampires who was staring intently at her. Was that love she saw?
"It is the law after all." Angel whispered to her, he tucked her hair behind her ear then took a step back. Fred watched them physically move away from each other and sighed, little steps Winifred she told herself.
***
I love Fred, she's one of the best people I have ever known. I might not understand what she's talking about half the time but that happens with most women I know. Because of Fred's imaginative mistletoe placement I managed to kiss Cordelia at least twice a day every day and blame it on the laws of Christmas. Fred truly is a genius.
Christmas came and went as it does every year, although this one was far better then the two hundred and forty odd I had suffered through before. I actually enjoyed it this time, how could I not when I had a family around me and the woman I loved was having my child. Happy times at the Hyperion for once.
"All I'm saying Angel is I'm happy right now and I don't want to tempt fate."
"Cordy, since when do you believe in fate?"
Ha! That one's stumped her.
"Aren't you happy with how we are?"
See now she's turned this around to be about me. Very sneaky.
"You know I am, if it weren't for my soul being stuck in place I'm pretty sure Angelus would have reared his ugly head."
Yeah, you heard right. I'm one safely happy vampire thanks to Wesley.
"Then why do you want to shake things up by getting married?"
"Because I love you and I want us to be official, all down on paper for the world to see. I want something normal in our lives Cordy, you deserve something normal."
I'm full of surprises aren't I?
"I don't want normal Angel, I just want you."
It's going to take me a while to think up an argument for that one.
Remember earlier when I said that we'd been through some really tough times? Well it's time I told you about the toughest.
After months of insanity things were finally settling down, Wesley was still on the prophecy search but getting nowhere, Lorne was doing his Lorne type things, Fred and Gunn were tentatively dating apparently, Cordy said something about pancake kisses one day and quite frankly that was enough information for me. Cordelia and I.....we were doing fine too, back to being best of friends again. Back to bickering and laughing just like old times. Except of course that she was six months pregnant with my child and she still didn't know that I loved her so much I could barely see straight.
Anyway the point is we'd settled back to being a family again, fighting the good fight and looking after each other, nobody expected the seven foot Delthrax demon that came crashing through the front door brandishing a broadsword that made all the men in the room feel rather inadequate that Wednesday evening. Wesley had been reading, Lorne talking quietly to Cordelia, Gunn and I were cleaning out the weapons cabinet on Cordelia's stern request and Fred was taking a bath. See, no one expected it, no one expected the Delthrax to run straight for Cordelia and lift her out of her chair by her hair and press the sword to her throat.....
***
Fred 1 - Delthrax 0
"AARGGGHH! What the hell.....!!!????" Cordelia screamed as she was yanked out of her seat on the sofa by her hair. Her yells were cut off by the cold blade that pressed against the side of her throat.
"LET HER GO!" Angel growled as he stalked across the room, his game face had slipped into place and a burning fear rose up inside him. The vampire felt the demon inside him push at the barrier of his soul, whispering into his minds ear to let him out to play. He's touching our woman, let me make him pay, Angelus' voice tempted him.
"You took mine...I take yourssssss!" The Delthrax hissed, it's forked tongue flicked out and licked the side of Cordelia's face. Angel saw Cordelia's face scrunch in disgust, her eyes wide with anger.
"I have touched nothing that belongs to you." Angel kicked up the sword at his feet and carried on advancing forward.
"Umm actually you did. On a case last week, Delthrax infestation near the pier, I think this is the one that we couldn't find." Wesley informed him as he came to stand before him, cross bow in hand.
"I knew it would come around and bite us in the butt." Gunn muttered under his breath and flanked the vampires other side.
"Less talking, more Cordelia saving!" The ex-cheerleader snapped then promptly shut up when the demon behind her yanked her hair spitefully. Her eyes fluttered down to where Lorne was still sitting stunned on the couch, she saw something unreadable in his eyes and tensed even further.
"Your fight is with me, not the girl. She's of no use to you, put her down and you and I can go a few rounds." Angel twirled the sword around idly, he tempered his overwhelming fear down and let Angelus take over for a while.
"Ssssshhe will pay for your sinsssss." Delthrax lowered the squirming woman to the floor but didn't let her go, he moved his clawed hand around her delicate neck and squeezed until he heard the woman gasp in pain.
"She's mine." Angel growled and bared his teeth. "If you hurt her in any way I will tear your limbs from you one by one."
"Vampire with ssssoul threatens me? Fool." Out of the corner of his eye Delthrax saw Lorne spring to his feet, the prescient demon had taken only one step before he felt the hot steel enter his side deeply. Lorne blinked and looked down at the sword protruding from his stomach.
"Lorne!" Cordelia screamed.
"Oh crap." Lorne grumbled and fell backwards off the sword hitting the lobby floor with a thud.
"I take thissss one and no one else diessss." Delthrax told them evenly. "That's really not going to work for me I'm afraid." Angel shook his head and raised his eyebrows. "How about you put my girl down and we have a chat? No? Well that's a shame. I guess we're back to me killing you very slowly then." He sighed dramatically.
"Angel...stop fucking about!" Cordelia hissed as the demon gripped her throat, the edge of her vision was blurring and she was close to blacking out.
"You will pay for your sinsss dirty vampire, I will bathe in the blood of the one you love, sssshe will beg for..."
Angel pounced forward but stopped suddenly when he saw the Delthrax's eyes bulge in his head, his threats dying on his tongue. The demons grip loosened enough for Cordelia to struggle free and collapse into Angel's arms, holding her close he hurried her away from the Delthrax and seated her on the couch on the other side of the lobby. Everyone watched in confusion when the enormous demon stumbled forward and collapsed face first on to the floor, a large hubcap shaped axe embedded deeply into his back.
"Well, that wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be." Fred shifted nervously under her friends gazes. "Hey everyone." She waved timidly at them. In all the commotion no one had seen the small Texan edging quietly down the stairs on her back and reaching for Gunn's beloved axe. They had no idea it had taken all her strength and courage to heave it up and bring it crashing down on the demon in front of her. A woman doesn't live in another dimension for five years without learning how to defend herself.
"Fred?" Wesley had fully expected a long and arduous battle with the Delthrax, seeing it dead on the floor with an axe between the shoulder blades had left him slightly confused. Angel jogged back to where the demon was lying prone and kicked it, seeing if it was going to get up again. A part of the vampire wanted it to so he could wail on it for a few hours.
"Wow. That is the coolest thing I have ever seen!" Gunn couldn't keep the adoration out of his voice. "Girl you completely rule!" He ruffled her hair and wrapped an arm around her.
"I have my moments." Fred blushed.
"That was a dangerous thing to do Fred, you could have been hurt." Angel chided her gently, at the crestfallen look that took over her face he smiled warmly at her. "But it was really cool."
"I'm fine by the way." Lorne grunted as he stumbled to his feet. "Please, nobody worry about the person with the gapping stab wound in his gut." He groused.
"Sorry Lorne, will you be OK?" Wesley and Angel helped him to stand, Lorne knew the wound was far from fatal, a couple days in bed and several sea-breezes would make him much better, but was a little concern from his friends be too much to ask?
"I'll be peachy fine." Lorne's self pity vanished, his head whipped up and his stare settled on the too quiet figure of Cordelia Chase across the lobby. "It's not me you need to be worrying about." He pushed the vampire away from him and gestured to the pale young woman. "She needs you NOW!"
"Angel....Somethings wrong with...arrggh! Angel!" Cordelia fell from the couch to her knees, her arms wrapped protectively around her swollen belly. "Oh god there's something wrong with the baby!" The Seer gasped in pain.
Angel's world slowed down as he rushed to his fallen girl, it was though he was outside of his body watching himself lift Cordelia into his arms, telling her that everything would be OK, that he loved her, that nothing was going to happen to their child. He knew it was him that was carrying Cordelia to his car and laying her sobbing body down into the back-seat, it was him that screamed at Gunn to drive faster to the hospital, it was him that had begged Wesley to do something when Cordelia lost consciousness in his arms, but he watched it all through a fog of terror.
***
Have you ever watched your entire reason for existence slip through your fingers and you can't do a damn thing about it? I prayed to every god that had deserted me and made even more pacts with the devil on the ride to the ER.
I'll be a better warrior, I'll give up my Shanshu, I'll do whatever you want me to do just please don't take them away from me.
I thought I had lost everything.
*** Two confessions for the price of one. Cordelia knew where she was before she even opened her eyes. A strong smell of disinfectant assaulted her nose and made her scrunch her nose in disgust. She really hated Hospitals, even after all the time she had spent in them while living on the Hellmouth she detested even being near the place. A sudden thought occurred to her and she forced her eyes open.
Why am I in hospital?
Cordelia struggled to sit up, her bump made it an increasingly difficult task. She realised Angel was asleep in a chair next to the bed, his head resting in his folded arms on the starchy white sheets. Cordelia ran her hand through his spiky hair, delighting in the way it tickled her palm. Angel stirred when he felt her touch, rubbing his face groggily he sat up and blinked at Cordelia.
"Hey." Cordelia smiled at him.
"You're awake." Angel's face broke into a bright smile, he engulfed her in a tight hug, pulling away slightly but unable to let her go the vampire settled onto the bed next to her. Angel smoothed the messy hair from Cordelia's face, relief flooding through him.
"Have I...is the baby OK?" Cordelia asked him desperately, the events of the last few hours bursting forward in her brain.
"The baby is fine Cordy." Angel tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear, "He is as healthy and stubborn as his mother." He told her tenderly.
"She. It's a girl. What happened?" Cordelia relaxed.
"Too much stress and excitement, our little one decided to make *himself* known. There will be no more surprise demon attacks for you young lady."
"You'll get no argument from me on that one. There's really nothing wrong?"
"Everything is fine sweetheart, you need to take it very very easy from now on though." Angel smoothed his hand over the swell of her stomach.
"Once again, no arguments here. Did I pass out? I feel like I passed out." Cordelia's skin had prickled at the soft endearment that had fallen from Angel's lips and she felt the desperate need to hear it again and again.
"Yeah, it shouldn't have been a surprise though, you'd just been attacked by a Delthrax after all. The bodies natural reaction to that kind of trauma is to just shut down and with the added panic of Angel Jnr doing extra strength somersaults you fainted."
"How long have I been asleep? Oh and there is no way we are calling her Angel jnr." Cordelia rested her head against the solid expanse of his chest.
"A couple of hours." He kissed the top of her head. "You really scared me." Angel frowned in thought, he couldn't shake the desperate fear he had felt when she had collapsed in the lobby, he'd thought he'd lost her and his soul had screamed out desperately.
"I'm sorry." Cordelia yawned. "Angel?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't think I can pretend anymore, it takes too much energy." She said before really thinking. The young seer was exhausted and her mouth and heart were working before her brain.
"Pretend what?" Angel lifted her chin so she was looking at him.
"That I don't love you, that I'm not in love with you." Cordelia untangled herself from his arms and looked him square in the eye. "I know you don't feel the same way about me and I'm dealing with that, but I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not."
"You love me?" He said stunned.
"I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now but..." Cordelia could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment, she dearly wished that she hadn't said anything.
"You...you're in love with me?" Angel blinked trying to sort through the words in his head.
"Err yeah, that's what I just said." Cordelia rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Jeez Angel why do you think I slept with you in Pylea, if I were looking for a quick roll in the hay I would have slept with...."
"For my sanity please *don't* finish that sentence." Angel cut her off forcefully, he really didn't want to know who she would have slept with.
"Sorry." Cordelia mumbled.
"So let me get this straight. You are in love with me. You love me." Angel jabbed his finger into her chest and then into his.
"Angel do you need a diagram to understand this?" She scowled at him when he began to chuckle, Cordelia hadn't expected him to laugh at her. "I'm glad you find this so amusing."
"Oh sweetheart I wasn't laughing at you, I promise. I just realised how monumentally stupid we both are." Angel smiled and pulled her back to him, running his hands up and down her arms.
"Speak for yourself vampire...." Annoyed Cordelia tried to jerk out of his arms.
"I love you too Cordelia." Angel told her sincerely, marvelling in how easy it was for him to say after all this time. Cordelia stopped struggling and gaped at him, her first instinct was to hit him. She always went with her first instinct.
"Hey! What was that for?" The vampire caught her wrist gently before she could land another blow on his shoulder.
"Don't lie. I don't need you humouring me Angel. I'm a big girl, I can handle you not feeling the same way about me, you don't have to lie." Cordelia frowned at him.
"Dammit woman I'm not lying to you! I just told you I'm in love with you too, I would never lie to you about that. I love you so much it's been making me crazy. I love you so much that I drank four bottles of tequila when I found out we'd made love and I couldn't fucking remember it! I've been in love with you for a long time but I didn't think you felt the same so I didn't say anything. You are an annoying, stubborn, bossy, funny, beautiful, amazing woman Cordelia Chase and I LOVE YOU! Understand? Need me to draw you a diagram?" Angel finished his rant smiling.
"No, I think...I think I get the picture." It was Cordelia's turn to look confused.
"Good. I'm glad we have that sorted out at last." Angel murmured then caught her lips with a kiss, it was soft and tender, passion would come later, for now they simply enjoyed the gentle moment.
***
Maybe you were expecting passion filled clinches under a full moon when Cordelia and I finally said the L word, lots of growling and clothes ripping, howling to the stars, bite fuelled orgasms and all that jazz? Do you really expect me to tell you about all that? You do? You're a bunch of gutter-minds the lot of you. I'm sure you can imagine well enough on your own. All I'm going to say about our sex life is wow!
"Marry me?"
"Go to sleep Angel."
"Marry me?"
"Shhh."
"Cordy, marry me?"
"Oh for the love of god will you shut up already!"
"Cordelia?"
"What?"
"Marry me?"
I am nothing if not persistent. After Cordelia left the hospital it took me about a week to convince her to move into the hotel with me, I'm rather proud of that actually, it's been bumpy sailing since then. This morning when we were in bed I asked Cordelia Chase to marry me and I seem to have been asking the same question over and over again without getting an answer. It's a good thing I'm a patient man.
"Angel, sweet heart, honey, pumpkin, dumbarse, if I say I'll marry you will you please let me go to sleep?"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"Was that a yes?"
"Hmmm mmm."
"Cordy? Cordelia? Did you say you'd marry me? Cor are you asleep?"
"Mmmm hmmm."
I think I'll take that as a yes.
the end.
***
"What did you just call me?"
"I didn't...Cordy, what I meant was.....you're...."
There is absolutely no way for me to get out of this with my genitals still attached.
"Well Angel? What exactly did you mean when you called me fat?"
Yep, goodbye testicles. Nice knowing ya. Send me a postcard from Cordelia's mantel piece.
"I didn't call you fat Cordy, I just....I said.....certain areas of you....areas that I love by the way....had gotten...larger. In a good way sweetheart, I meant it in a good way."
"A good way? Explain to me how it was meant in a good way because I'm having a little trouble with fat ever being used as a complement! Why don't you just tell me I look like a bloated hippo and be done with it."
And here comes the shouting. God she's gorgeous when she gets angry, trust me, I've seen Cordy angry enough over the last few months to really appreciate the beauty of an irate Cordelia Chase. But I'm not going to rise to the bait this time, not when she's seven months pregnant and looking for a fight. I'm man enough to admit when I'm out matched in a battle, she'd wipe the floor with me right now.
"Cordelia you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Even more so now. You're exquisite."
Oh yeah, I've still I got it.
"Don't think you're gonna charm your way out of this one vampire. You used the *f* word when talking to a pregnant woman, no amount of sweet talk is gonna keep you from sleeping on the sofa tonight."
Or maybe not.
"Cordy you're being irrational."
Why can't I just keep my big mouth shut?
"I'm not irrational!! I'm a very pregnant woman with backache, swollen ankles, dry skin and a headache! I'm hungry and tired and you just called me fat! And I realise I'm shouting like a crazy person but that's because I'm mad at you, not because I'm being irrational! Sofa!!"
How amazing is this woman? Yes she's insane right now, with the screaming and the throwing pillows at me but it's understandable. This isn't a serious fight, she's just blowing off steam. Trying to avoid an earlier discussion we had with violence. I can't believe I almost didn't have this. I was such an idiot. I admit it OK, I'm an idiot. You can stop agreeing with me so fervently now. Thanks.
So, I suppose you want to know what happened since that dreadful day I found out Cordelia had been keeping things from me that led to sofa threats and pillow beatings? Well, a hell of a lot of drinking on my part that's for sure. In times of crisis I turn to an old friend of mine, tequila. You might have met him before, he dulls the edges and smoothes the corners of life for a little while. Like I said, I'm an idiot. I'm getting ahead of myself here aren't I? Lets go back to the beginning, well the almost begining.....
***
Sex, lies and Pylean refugees revisited....
"Have I asked anything from you Angel?" Cordelia asked him quietly, she stared out of her living room window, unable to look at the man she loved for fear of losing another part of her heart to him.
"No." The vampire said from the shadows on the opposite side of the room, he knew she sat by the window on purpose. The late afternoon sunlight kept her out of his reach even when so close.
"Have I blamed this on you? Have I screamed and shouted and damned you to hell?"
"Cordy..." Angel edged towards her, skirting around the rays of light.
"Have I!?" She turned her head to him quickly, her eyes shooting fire, daring the vampire to contradict her.
"No..." He sighed with resignation
"I lied to you and I'm sorry, but that's it Angel. That's all you get to be mad at me for." Cordelia told him pointedly, not even believing herself. Dragging her body from the warm comfort of the couch she walked with heavy footsteps to her small kitchen. Away from Angel. Cordelia rinsed out her tea cup and stretched the aching muscles in her neck. So much had happened in the last few months and now it had finally slammed into her at full force, making her want to let her knees go and crumble to the cold floor. She held on to the side of the sink with all her strength.
"But it's not as simple as that is it?" Angel said from behind her, still too close, Cordelia felt like she couldn't breathe.
"Yes it is." She traced her name into a spot of water on the counter with her finger, it disappeared as fast as she wrote it.
"Cordelia you're carrying my child. Nothing is ever going to be simple again."
Cordelia felt his light touch on her elbow, asking her to turn around and face him. Face what she had done, the lies she told, the trust she'd broken.
"I'm tired." Cordelia mumbled and shook her head, shrugging away from Angel's torturous presence. "I really don't want to talk any more Angel."
"Well I do." The vampire stalked after her. "I don't understand any of this. How can you be pregnant with my child? I'm a vampire in case you've forgotten Cordelia, I can't have children."
"Yeah well, go figure." His seer shrugged at him.
"Are you sure it's mine? You're not exactly a virgin are you Cordy, it's probably one of those guys that hover around you when you go to a club." Angel growled at her before thinking.
"You bastard! What kind of whore do you take me for?! I'm sorry Angel but it's yours, there hasn't been anyone else in a long time. Now get out." Cordelia hissed at him. His words cut her to the bone and made her face flush a deep red. Angel had never spoken to her with such venom before, never intentionally tried to hurt her with words. "GET OUT!" Cordelia screamed at him, for the first time in since she found out she was pregnant the young woman felt a dark cloud of rage pouring through her body, lighting up deadened nerves and rushing blood to the surface of her skin. "OUT!!!" She pushed him angrily towards the door with all her strength.
"Cordy...I'm sorry, I didn't mean that..."Angel held his ground easily as she beat her fists against his chest. "Damnit Cordelia stop it! You're going to hurt yourself!" The vampire caught her hands and forced her to be still, she tried to jerk away from him, get away from the touch that burnt a thousand memories into her skin and broke her heart. "Cordy....just stop please...I need to understand what's going on." He begged her.
"There's nothing for you to understand. Like I said earlier, I don't need your help Angel. I can do this on my own." Cordelia pushed him away. "I don't need you."
***
Not the happiest of beginnings is it? That last 'I don't need you' really pissed me off. I was so angry at her that I had to leave before I did something stupid like trash the place. Throw some furniture around until things made sense in my head. So I got out of there, ran away from Cordelia. I'm really good at that, running. I ran from my past, ran from Buffy, ran from Sunnydale. Ran from the woman carrying my child. I promise I will never ever do that again. My child. How amazing is that? I still can hardly believe I'm going to be a father.
"Cordy, sweetheart, you don't really want me to sleep on the sofa do you? Sweetheart?"
"Angel, I swear to god I'm going to beat you to death with a shovel any minute now."
She doesn't mean that. At least I don't think she does. Maybe I should leave her be for a little while, I have been a little full on of late. I can't help it, it's all so new for me. I'll just back out of the room slowly I think.
"OUCH! Cordelia that hit me on the head!"
"Shovel!"
She threw a book at me! Backing out faster now.
Right, lets get back to the story. I stumbled around the sewers for a while after I left Cordelia's apartment that day, I have no idea how I managed to get back to the Hotel without turning into a pile of dust. Instinct I guess. I couldn't decide if I was deliriously happy or murderously angry with Cordy. I had just found out that she was having my child. Having my child and I couldn't even remember having sex with her. And she'd lied to me, she told me it was Groo's, she let me believe that, had no intention of telling me the truth. I was seriously angry. Now I think it's time you met that old friend of mine.......
***
The trouble with tequila.
Angel sat on the edge of his bed willing himself to remember but all he could see was Cordelia's exhausted face floating before his eyes. 'I don't need you,' repeated over and over in his mind like some terrible mantra, causing him more damage than any stake or ray of light ever could. They'd made love and he couldn't remember it. The vampire pushed himself from the bed and lumbered to his dresser, tequila would solve all his problems. He was a strong vampire but a weak man.
'I don't need you.' She had said.
"But I need you Cordelia." Angel told the bottle in his hands. He unscrewed the cap and gulped down the bitter liquid. Dropping down into his old leather chair he ran through everything in his head. Cordelia was pregnant with his child, she'd lied to him, told him it was Groo's, probably had no intention of telling him the baby was his. They'd made love in Pylea. Yet now she couldn't even bring herself to look at him let alone touch him. Nothing made sense. Did she want him that night? What had it meant to her? Angel had too many questions that were going unanswered. He glanced wearily over at the phone, wondering if he should try calling her again. He'd given up after the eighth time, she didn't want to speak to him.
'I don't need you.'
The last three days without Cordelia had been a bitter pill to swallow, the months he had spent on retreat after Buffy had died were a cake walk compared to this. Three days to compound his guilt and get thoroughly drunk. Cordelia's life had been turned up side down and back to front once again because of him and she refused to see him, talk to him. Touch him. He'd touched Cordelia and ruined her life. She had let him.
"Stupid girl." Angel growled before he drank down the last of the tequila, he threw the bottle across the room not caring when it smashed into a thousand deadly pieces across the floor.
When he had heard the sweet tub thud of the babies heart inside Cordelia his jealousy had bubbled to the surface but he had kept a reign on it. Angel had demanded to know who was responsible and she had brushed him away saying it was the Groosalugg's. No, he had assumed it was Groo's and she just let him believe it. His jealousy at the man he couldn't even remember meeting had made his cold blood boil. Cordelia was his seer. His. She had refused to see him then as well, she didn't come into work for a week and that was fine with Angel because he wasn't sure if he could be in the same room as the woman and not shake some sense into her. The morning sweet Fred had nervously rambled that the Groosalugg wasn't the champion Cordelia had slept with Angel had known straight way it was him. He and Cordelia had made love and he couldn't remember.
"Was it so horrible that Cordelia felt the desire to keep it to herself and pretend it never happened? Is that how much it meant to her! How much I mean to her!?!" The vampire shouted angrily into the empty room. Angel stumbled blindly back over to his dresser, pulling out draw after draw until he found the whiskey he had stashed away. He filled a glass shakily and raised it to an invisible audience.
"To Cordelia Chase ladies and gentlemen, the mother of my child." Angel knocked the drink back in one long gulp. "Damn her to hell." He muttered under his breath then threw the glass against the wall, broken glass falling onto broken glass. "Get out." Angel growled when he heard the door open slowly. Wesley ignored the vampire and strode into the dark room, he flicked on the over head light and grimaced at the state of the room. Furniture was broken, glass scattered the floor and ashtrays sat overflowing.
"I said get out." Angel repeated without turning around.
"What the hell is going on with you? You've been like this for days." Gunn picked his way through the debris. "Is this about that slayer of yours?" When Angel didn't answer the young black man picked up a fallen chair and sat down on it.
"Well?" The Englishman folded his arms across his chest and leant against the bureau, waiting for answers.
"You don't know?" Angel turned to face them suddenly, a bitter laugh trickling from his lips. "You mean there's actually people that didn't know about this before I did?"
"Know what?" Gunn frowned, Angel's was manic laughter was starting to freak him out, he briefly wished he'd brought a crossbow with him.
"Cordelia's pregnant." Angel's laughter stopped as abruptly as it had begun, he stood up on shaky legs and willed the room to stop spinning. "Barbie's pregnant? Cordy's gonna be a...." Gunn trailed off.
"A mother. Cordelia's going to be a mother." Angel muttered, 'a wonderful mother' he added silently.
"Who's the father?" Wesley finally asked.
"I am." Angel told the floor unable to look the ex-watcher in the eye, a surprised silence swallowed the room filling the shadowed corners and rattling the windows. The vampire didn't see the Englishman's fist coming towards him but he certainly felt it, he stumbled backward and tripped over his own legs, landing heavily on his butt. "What the hell was that for?!"
"It seemed like the right thing to do." Wesley shook his hand, wincing at the dull pain that was crackling in his knuckles. Angel lumbered to his feet only to stumble backwards onto the bed.
"You know Wes, for a Brit you've got one hell of a right hook." He rubbed his tender jaw.
"When did you two...How can....But you're a......Your soul didn't...." Gunn shook his head in confusion.
"Right there with ya kid." Angel nodded, he flopped back onto the soft mattress and stared at the ceiling.
"You had sex with Cordelia! How could you risk your soul like that? And she's pregnant! You got your seer pregnant! That doesn't even make sense! How can she be pregnant? You're a bloody vampire!!!" Wesley shouted at him angrily.
"You're kinda repeating what Gunn said, only louder." Angel grunted and pulled himself upright, with clumsy hands he knocked over the light and picture frame on his side cabinet looking for the packet of cigarettes he'd lost somewhere in the room. After he found the crumpled but half full packet he patted his pockets for his lighter. "Hey Wes, got a light?" Angel asked his friend, an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth.
"I don't smoke Angel, and nor do you for that matter."
"Well I guess we're all full of surprises at the moment." Angel muttered, he found the silver lighter under his bed and lit the cigarette drawing in the cool smoke into his dead lungs. "You fellas gonna join me in a celebratory drink?"
"I think you've had enough Angel." Gunn snatched the bottle away from him quickly, the large amount of alcohol Angel had already ingested meant his usual vamp reflexes were somewhat below par.
"Wrong. I haven't had quite nearly enough." Angel slurred but didn't reach for the bottle again.
"When did this happen?" Wesley took of his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He had hardly seen his vampire friend for days, and Cordelia for even longer, the stony silence from the young woman and the sporadic sound of furniture breaking coming from Angel's room gave Wesley an inkling that something was wrong with the pair. He'd thought they'd just had another seer/champion fight, nothing serious, Angel would buy her shoes or Cordelia would flutter her eyelashes at him and all would be right in the world once again. He really hadn't expected this.
"Pylea apparently." Angel sat back down in his chair, all the moving about was making him feel sick.
"What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?" Wesley barked at him, not listening to what Angel had said.
"Pylea? Damn Angel, no wonder you're pissed off." Gunn put two and two together faster then Wesley for once, he passed the whiskey to the vampire with a sympathetic frown. "Go ahead, drink."
"Gunn! Don't encourage him to...." They watched a light flicker on in Wesley's brain, finally understanding. "You don't remember Pylea....you and Cordelia finally..." Wesley gestured wildly with his hands. "And you don't remember?"
"Good to see we're all on the same page at last." Angel muttered bitterly, he raised the bottle in the air and gave it a small shake. "Cheers."
***
I think I need to explain a few things because I'm really not coming off in a good light am I? Did you catch the part when Wes said 'you and Cordelia finally...' Concentrate on the 'finally' in that bumbled sentence. Now what does that say to you? That maybe I'd finally got what I've been dreaming about for the last year or so?
I'd had feelings for Cordelia for some time. Not the 'gee you're a swell gal I'm really glad you're my friend' kind, more like the 'I really want to see every part of you naked in my bed and never ever let you go' kind. But I had resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to happen, Cordelia and I were friends and she never seemed to want more. So I just pushed my feelings aside and got on with the mission. Even if the feelings were mutual it's not like we could do anything about it, what with the curse and all. Imagine my chagrin to discover that I had slept with the woman I was in love with in a place where the curse wasn't a problem and I couldn't remember it. So now do you understand why I got so unbelievably drunk? The universe had once again kicked me in the balls and I had just about all I could take. Yeah I was angry at her for keeping it from me but I was more pissed off at the fact that she was just so indifferent about it all. Like she would rather just forget it ever happened and get on with her life. Like the baby didn't really have anything to do with me.
Hence the tequila.
I had the bitch of all hangovers the next day.
***
Self pity for two with a side of accusations please....
Angel was pretty sure his head was splitting in two. Hair of the dog was what he needed but his 'friends' and had confiscated what little alcohol he had left last night before they'd left. The vampire couldn't tell if the loud banging noise he could hear was in his head or coming from downstairs. Angel rubbed his hand roughly over his face grimacing at the rasp of stubble against his palm, his mouth was dry and tasted faintly of smoke. The vampire had slept the day away. He was a mess. Swinging his legs shakily over the edge of the bed he sat up, fighting the urge to throw up. Holding his head in his hands Angel tried to quiet the insistent noise in his ears.
"Will you shut up!" He growled loudly into the empty room, to his surprise the banging in his brain stopped. That had never worked before.
"Well if you unlocked the door then I wouldn't need to be breaking through it with my fists." Cordelia's irritated voice muttered from the hall way. Angel stared dumbly at the door, wondering if her voice was a trick of his brain as well. "Angel? Get up and open the door right now!"
The Cordelia in his head never used that tone of voice with him so he deduced that the real thing was outside. Angel stood up and lurched to the door, he flicked the lock and stumbled back when a very annoyed Cordelia Chase pushed passed him and into his room.
"What do...." He started.
"Vision. Just a few vamps tormenting on the locals, Wesley and Gunn are dealing with it as you quite clearly aren't in any state for championing." She raised a disapproving eyebrow at him and folded her arms across her chest.
"Are you OK...I mean...with the vision aftermath?" Angel asked her nervously.
"I'm fine." She answered automatically. The dreadful silence that had been following them around for a while now made itself known once again, forcing Cordelia to stare at the floor and Angel to stare at the ceiling. Before Pylea the silent moments the pair shared had never been awkward, occasionally tense after the Darla fiasco but never awkward. They both missed the gentle comfort of being able to be together and not have to speak. With a tired sigh Cordelia crossed the room and opened the balcony doors, breathing in the cool night air deeply.
"Are you?" She asked him over her shoulder.
"Am I what?"
"Are you OK?"
"Do I look OK to you Cordy?" Angel couldn't help but snap at her, his head was throbbing and he wasn't entirely sure if this was a dream or not.
"You look like shit Angel and you smell worse." The Seer barked back at him.
"Was there something particular you wanted or did you just come here to bitch at me?" He grunted.
"Both. We need to talk Angel but first you need to go have a shower, the whole eau de cigarettes aroma you've got going in here is making me feel nauseous." Cordelia scrunched up her nose in disgust as she looked around the room.
"Look..."
"Just go get cleaned up." Cordelia sighed wearily, she watched the father of her child stalk off to his bathroom, muttering under his breath as he went. If it weren't for the vision she wouldn't have come here, she had called Wesley and told him the details but the ex watcher had insisted she come to the Hotel. Angel's in a bad way he'd said. He's on his way to another beige period Wesley told her. Cordelia didn't really have a choice, she had to see him sooner or later, she was his seer, he was her warrior. They were tied to each other and there was little she could do about it. Now with a baby in the mix thing were a million times more complicated.
Cordelia moved around the room picking up furniture and empty bottles as she went. She threw the heavy ashtrays away and stripped the sheets off the bed. Her foot hit something underneath the bed, she gingerly bent down and picked it up, a little worried at what she might find under there. She was surprised to find it was a framed picture of herself Wesley and Angel in happier times. Before Pylea. Before she had Angel in her bed. Before Cordelia's heart got broken.
"Don't start thinking about that now Chase." She chastised herself, she placed the photo back on the night-stand where she knew it lived and carried on tidying the room. Cordelia could hear the shower running in the next room and the thought of a deliciously naked Angel so close summoned up unwanted memories of their night together, she knew how beautiful he was naked, she'd memorised every millimetre of his skin that night. Cordelia felt her skin flush with desire. As she knew him he knew her. Angel had taken her time and time again with a passion that left her struggling for breath. It wasn't just sex that night, they had made love. Cordelia loved him with every part of her being and she had been sure he'd loved her. But he didn't remember it and Cordelia was on her own with the memories. In love with her best friend, pregnant and alone.
"I should be the one drunk not Angel." Cordelia muttered to herself, her heels crunched on the broken glass scattered on the floor. "Fucking vampire." She growled and began to carefully pick up the large pieces.
"What are you doing?"
"Bah!" Cordelia dropped the glass and jumped in surprise at Angels voice, she hadn't heard him enter the room and come up behind her. "Hell Angel, can't you whistle or something when you come in a room? You scared the crap outta me."
"You've hurt your hand." Angel frowned and took her hand in his, they both watched a small trickle of blood run down her index finger and stain the soft white towel that was wrapped low around Angels hips.
"It's fine Angel....just a little cut. Nothing to worry about." Cordelia said, she didn't like the way her voice came out so husky but his physical closeness to her had that affect on the young woman. Breathing deeply she followed a drop of water sliding down the broad expanse of his chest with her eyes. This is why Cordelia couldn't be here, couldn't be in the same room with him.
"You need to be more careful Cordy, you have to look after yourself now." Angel pressed the towel he had been drying his hair with to the small gash on the palm of her hand.
"I know that." Cordelia snatched her hand out of his grasp angrily.
"Cordelia..." The vampire reached out for her again.
"I've looked after myself fine for twenty years Angel, just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I suddenly need some one to kiss the ouches better." The young woman jerked away from him and strode to the other side of the room. Cordelia turned her back to him as he slipped on a pair of black sweat pants.
"Look, I came here because Wesley said you were in a bad way, in a brood to end all broods, drinking your self into an early...whatever." She turned around when she heard the bed springs creak under his weight. Cordelia took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.
C'mon Chase, be the daughter your mother raised.
"I'm here to tell you to stop. Get over it and move on. I'm going to be fine Angel, it's true that I never thought I'd be a single mother but since when has my life gone to plan? You don't need to worry about anything. I'm not leaving LA, I'm still you seer and I will be as long as you need me. You have a job to do so stop with the pity party and go be a warrior."
"Have you even thought that maybe I want to look after you and our child? That I want to be involved?" Angel asked her incredulously.
"I don't need..."
"Will you stop saying that!!! Fine, you don't need me, I get it, can you stop beating me over the head with the fact! Christ Cordelia...just stop!" Angel shouted at her furiously, hurt by her dismissal of him. He sat down defeated on his bed raking his hands roughly through his hair. "I...I'm sorry." Cordelia frowned at his wounded tone, she took a hesitant step towards him unsure of whether she could bare the torment of being so close to him, but the part of herself that cried out whenever the man she loved was in pain propelled her forward. Cordelia sat down next to him, her hands grasped nervously in her lap.
"Why are you so adamant that I should have nothing to do with this? Do you hate me that much?" He asked her quietly, scared of the answer.
"I don't hate you Angel. I could never....I don't hate you." Cordelia said in astonishment.
"Then why?" Angel looked at her finally, his eyes searching hers for the answer.
"I don't...I don't know." The young woman lied, even sitting here with him was painful for her. To be so close to the man she was in love with but unable to say those three little words for fear of what might happen. "Everything is so fucked up." Cordelia shook her head and chuckled bitterly.
"I'm sorry." Angel mumbled and shifted his stare to the floor, all he wanted to do was hold the woman he loved in his arms and keep her and their child safe there forever.
"Why are you apologising?" The Seer stopped laughing and frowned at him, when he still wouldn't look at her she nudged his shoulder with her own. "Angel?"
"I got you pregnant Cordelia." The vampire told her as if she didn't already know.
"It's not like you did it on purpose Angel. Did you do it on purpose? Stupid question seeing as you can't remember it even happening." Cordelia groused.
"I wish I could." He told her truthfully.
"Yeah, so do I." Cordelia whispered in defeat, pushing him away took too much energy and she was tired.
"I miss my best friend." Angel snaked his hand through hers, he felt her tense up at the contact but slowly relax next to him.
"I miss you too Angel." She leant her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, Cordelia needed this even if it were for only a few moments.
"Can we not fight anymore Cordy, please? I can't stand it when we fight." The vampire asked, the desperation in his voice made her want to cry.
"OK." Cordelia bit her bottom lip and squeezed his hand in reassurance. She blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. "I'm sorry too, for not...for not telling you, for lying."
"Shh, that doesn't matter anymore. It's not important." Angel rested his chin on the top of her head, breathing in the soft perfume of her hair. Cordelia sighed and leant further into the embrace, unbidden memories of the morning they had spent together in Pylea twisting her heart. The vampire untangled his hand from hers and rested it on Cordelia's belly, her breath caught in her throat at the intimate touch. "This is all that matters now." Angel kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. Cordelia placed her small hand over his and savoured the moment.
***
That was a turning point for us I think, we both just seemed to decide enough was enough, no more fighting, no more tears and definitely no more tequila for me. We sat together like that without talking for a long time, just happy to be in the same room again without screaming accusations at one and other.
"Angel, are you planning sleeping on that thing all night or are you gonna come to bed?"
I hate this sofa. Really, really hate this sofa. It's small and lumpy and hard and I think Fred spilt soda on it cos there's this nasty sticky patch on one of the cushions. The worst thing is though that there's a distinct lack of Cordelia Chase in my arms. So no, I won't be sleeping on here for much longer but I'm also not moving quite yet.
"I guess it depends if you're still acting like a crazy person or not Cordy."
"No more insanity, I swear."
"If I had a dime for every time you said that Cor.."
"We'd still be dirt poor. C'mon Angel, I know you want to come to bed......I'll do that thing you like with my tongue."
You have no idea how tempting that is.
"Uh uh missy, we are going to talk about this morning. You still haven't answered my question. Talk."
"I don't wanna."
She's making it kinda hard to think right now....oh that's good...she does this thing with her teeth on my neck.....makes me crazy...
"Ow, jeez, she's on the move again Angel."
Huh?
"Huh?"
"Your demon spawn dumbarse, she's making herself known, tap dancing across my bladder. Great. Now I have to pee. Wonderful. Way to set the mood Cor. I swear the next baby we have you are so carrying it because if you think...."
And she's gone, muttering the whole way to the bathroom. This hasn't been the easiest of pregnancies what with one thing and another. There have been some really hard times. Dreadful horrible times that I thought neither of us would be able to survive. We're not up to that part yet though.
Well I better get back to the story before Miss Chase gets back and distracts the hell out of me again. OK, so, where were we? Oh yeah, we made a truce. Cordelia said she wouldn't keep pushing me away and I said I'd stop acting like such an idiot. It was a little difficult for a while but we soon sorted ourselves out. Sort of.
Cordelia came into work the next day to everybody's delight, no one really expected her to, least of all me, but she did. A smile on her face and a box of doughnuts in her hand like the last few weeks had never happened. I know now that it was one of the most difficult things Cordelia had ever done, to hold her head up and look her family in the eye when her world was still shaking at the foundations. I had no idea how hard it was for her to be around me but she still came to the Hotel day after day, pretending she was OK, pretending that just being near me wasn't breaking her heart. I wished she'd told me but then again I guess I could have told her how I felt. We're really not very good at communicating.
Soon things were back to normal...ish
***
An overprotective vampire and an increasingly pregnant seer.....
"Hold on Cordy, let me do that." Angel jogged over to where his Seer sat sorting through the case files on the floor next to her desk.
"Thanks but I think I can handle it." Cordelia rolled her eyes and shuffled the stack in front of her.
"Why don't you go upstairs and watch some tv with Fred, I'm sure she'd like the company."
"All I've done is keep Fred company for a week Angel, as much as I love her I think if we spend any more time together one of us is going to end up with a black eye. Gunn's up there with her anyway, I do believe he has a crush on our little physicist." She tried to change the subject to no avail.
"Well why don't you go have a lay down then, you look tired." Angel helped her to her feet even though she was quite capable of standing up on her own. Angel was driving her mad.
"Thank you Angel, it does a girls ego so much good to be told she looks tired, why don't you just add frumpy and haggard to the list while you're at it." Cordelia scowled at him. "I'm bored, I don't want to lie down or put my feet up, I want to do something that involves actually moving. I'm pregnant, not ill." The young woman sat down in her chair and slipped off her shoes, it was fast becoming apparent that two inch heels were not suitable for women that were five and a half months pregnant.
"I just worry about you Cordy." Angel smiled and shrugged. "And your as beautiful as you ever were if not more." He added softly. The vampire was rewarded by a surprised but brilliant smile from his seer.
"That's more like it, I knew you had it in ya." Cordelia grinned and punched him lightly on the thigh. "Seriously though Angel, I don't need to be wrapped in cotton wool. I know I can't go out with you guys on cases but I need to do something. I'm going out of my mind doing the same thing everyday." She pouted and tapped her nails on the desk top.
"Well what do you want to do?" Angel reached out and brushed her hair away from her face, his thumb grazed across her cheek, he didn't even realise he was doing it until he saw Cordelia's eyes on him. "Sorry." The vampire begrudgingly let her go.
"That's ok." Cordelia muttered, she missed his cool hand on her skin straight away, it was soothing and achingly familiar and gone far too quickly. She slid her hand into his on his thigh, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. It seemed silly for them to be embarrassed about touching each other when they were having a child together but too many things had gone unsaid between the pair, silly little things like attraction and love. They had silently agreed not to talk about the night they had spent together in Pylea and concentrate on the child growing inside Cordelia, even though they both longed to talk about it neither dared to bring the conversation up. Neither knew that the other loved them and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide how they felt from each other.
"So." Angel cleared his throat awkwardly. "What do you want to do? You name it and we'll do it."
"Shopping." Cordelia said simply, retail therapy would solve all her problems and make her feel better.
"Anything but shopping." Angel said quickly. "It's still light out anyway, not much fun shopping with a pile of dust Cordy."
"At least the pile of dust wouldn't complain as much as you do. The sun will be going down in half an hour and the mall's open till late so nerr!" Cordelia stuck her tongue out at him. "Of course I could go on my own I guess....." She pouted theatrically.
"Fine, fine, shopping it is then." Angel groused trying to hide the delighted smile that was threatening to take over his face. "You only want me for my credit card."
"Well you've got to be good for something haven't ya." Cordelia grinned at him and kissed his cheek, surprising both of them. "I'll um, I'll just go get ready." The flustered seer stepped away from Angel, her heart beating so loud and quick that she was sure Fred and Gunn could hear it upstairs. "I'll be...yeah." Cordelia turned around and hurried across the lobby.
"Take your time, there's no rush and hey, if you change your mind that's completely OK with me." Angel called after her as she walked away. The vampire didn't even try to hide the smile that blossomed on his face this time, relishing the warm tingle that spread across his cheek from where her soft lips had touched him.
***
One overused credit card later..
Winifred 'Fred' Burkle hadn't celebrated Christmas for five years, holidays seemed rather pointless when you were living on your own in a cave. The petite Texan was making up for it now though, mistletoe ivy and holly adorned every surface and doorway of the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel, she was tempted to break out the tinsel and fake snow but she was sure that would be a little too much for Angel. Fred was pleased with her work nonetheless and the delighted gasp that emanated from Cordelia as she came through the front door made the time she'd spent on the lobby worth it.
"Oh Fred honey it's gorgeous!" Cordelia clapped her hands happily, a delighted smile lighting up her eyes.
"Do you think Angel will mind?" Fred asked nervously.
"Will I mind what?" Angel grunted from behind a tower of shopping bags as he lumbered into the Hotel. Fred bit her lip and edged towards Cordelia as the vampire put down the packages and took in the Christmas decorations. "Oh. It's...it's...." He blinked, the large number of lit candles made him nervous.
"It's Christmas Angel." Cordelia informed him evenly as she watched Fred wander across the lobby to fiddle with the mistletoe hanging in the doorway. The seer raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at Angel. "Remember Christmas? Good will to all men and nervous little physicists that hero worship the ground you stalk on? Sound familiar?" Angel got her point and joined the newest member of their little team.
"Thank you Fred, it's lovely." He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek before she even knew he was next to her.
"Oh um...err..you're welcome!" Fred squeaked nervously. "I wanted to do something nice for you and Cordy because I know things have been difficult for both of you of late and I'm sure it hasn't helped having me skittering around the Hotel and poking my nose into things that aren't my business and I really love Christmas so I thought I'd decorate but I think I must have got carried away you can take it down if you want." She rambled.
"Take a breath Fred." Cordelia called from the office.
"Sorry." Fred blushed red.
"I love it, it's very..." Angel waved his hand oddly. "...festive."
"I thought so." Fred relaxed. "So how was shopping?"
"Exhausting." He grumbled, the truth though was he'd loved spending so much time with Cordelia on her own away from the Hotel.
"Oh don't be such a grump Angel, I know you had fun." Cordelia joined them on the couch. "There was one point when he didn't complain for at least ten minutes." She smiled conspiratorially at the Texan.
"Wow." Fred giggled, she adored watching Cordelia and Angel when they were like this, she just wished the pair would talk about their feelings for each other so they could be together properly. "What did you buy?"
"It would be easier to list what she didn't buy." Angel muttered under his breath, Cordelia kicked his shin and scowled at him.
"Just a few bits, baby grows and blankets, some clothes for when I'm eight months pregnant and can't fit into anything but a tent. Oh and the cutest little pink dungarees from Baby Gap, she is going to be the best dressed baby girl in California." Cordelia smiled happily and rested her hand over her swollen belly as she talked about their child.
"Or the most confused little boy in California." Angel could help but mirror her happy mood. It was so good to see Cordelia back to her old self again, the tired vacant eyes that had looked through him only weeks before were now lit up with the soft candle light.
"Yeah well we'll see mister. I'm right though. Definitely a girl." Cordelia nodded mostly to herself, she grimaced as she shifted in her seat, her feet were sore from walking and her back ached from standing.
"Put your foot up on here." Angel patted his thigh, when she just stared at him and didn't move he lifted her foot up for her. Any protests she was forming in her mouth flew away as soon as Angel's strong thumb began to rub delicate circles across the arch of her foot. A deep sigh slipped passed her lips. Fred was starting to feel like a third wheel.
"Where's Wes and Gunn?" Angel asked her as he carried on rubbing Cordelia's feet.
"Huh? Oh, Wesley said something about picking up a book he needed for....something and Charles has gone for take out." Fred told them.
"A book for what? Fred is Wesley still looking for prophecies about the baby? I thought he would have given up by now, he just refuses to believe that this is just a happy accident and doesn't signal the end of the world."
"He just worries about you Cordy, we all do." Fred tried to appease her. The half smile she received from Cordelia told her she wasn't angry, just slightly annoyed at the Englishman.
"And I love you all for it but you guys have got to relax, OK? It's making me crazy and Angel's credit card can't handle another retail therapy session for a while." Cordelia reluctantly pulled her foot from Angel's embrace and stood up, stretching her arms and back at the same time. "I'm going to go upstairs and change my bra because the one I'm wearing is quite clearly too small for me now." She put her hands on her hips and scowled at her breasts. Angel tried his best not stare too but failed miserably.
"Do you need a hand?" He said with out thinking, Fred's giggling snapped him out of his trance and made him realise what he'd said. "I mean do you need a hand carrying anything upstairs not do you need a hand changing your bra because I'm sure you can do that on your own, unless you do need help then I'd be happy to help. Not *happy* happy......Fred I think your rambling is contagious."
"Welcome to my world." Fred patted him sympathetically on the shoulder.
"Your so sweet when you bumble." Cordelia tilted her head and smiled softly at him, she was warm happy and safe and didn't want to listen to her internal censor that told her not to say things that would show Angel the content of her heart.
"Ooh ooh! Mistletoe!" Fred bounced up and down, pointing to the small sprig that was hanging above Cordelia and Angel.
"Sweetie it's kinda difficult to be in the lobby and not stand under mistletoe, you've put it everywhere." The young seer suddenly felt nervous.
"You have to kiss, it's the law." Fred ignored her and stood her ground. She was going to get these two together if it killed her.
"I don't think..." Cordelia's reply was cut off by Angel's cool lips pressing against hers, it could have been construed as a chaste kiss between two best friends but it lasted a little too long and Cordelia leant towards Angel with a little to much fervour for it to be platonic. Cordelia had a horrible thought that she may have whimpered when his lips left hers, she opened her eyes only to lose herself in the vampires who was staring intently at her. Was that love she saw?
"It is the law after all." Angel whispered to her, he tucked her hair behind her ear then took a step back. Fred watched them physically move away from each other and sighed, little steps Winifred she told herself.
***
I love Fred, she's one of the best people I have ever known. I might not understand what she's talking about half the time but that happens with most women I know. Because of Fred's imaginative mistletoe placement I managed to kiss Cordelia at least twice a day every day and blame it on the laws of Christmas. Fred truly is a genius.
Christmas came and went as it does every year, although this one was far better then the two hundred and forty odd I had suffered through before. I actually enjoyed it this time, how could I not when I had a family around me and the woman I loved was having my child. Happy times at the Hyperion for once.
"All I'm saying Angel is I'm happy right now and I don't want to tempt fate."
"Cordy, since when do you believe in fate?"
Ha! That one's stumped her.
"Aren't you happy with how we are?"
See now she's turned this around to be about me. Very sneaky.
"You know I am, if it weren't for my soul being stuck in place I'm pretty sure Angelus would have reared his ugly head."
Yeah, you heard right. I'm one safely happy vampire thanks to Wesley.
"Then why do you want to shake things up by getting married?"
"Because I love you and I want us to be official, all down on paper for the world to see. I want something normal in our lives Cordy, you deserve something normal."
I'm full of surprises aren't I?
"I don't want normal Angel, I just want you."
It's going to take me a while to think up an argument for that one.
Remember earlier when I said that we'd been through some really tough times? Well it's time I told you about the toughest.
After months of insanity things were finally settling down, Wesley was still on the prophecy search but getting nowhere, Lorne was doing his Lorne type things, Fred and Gunn were tentatively dating apparently, Cordy said something about pancake kisses one day and quite frankly that was enough information for me. Cordelia and I.....we were doing fine too, back to being best of friends again. Back to bickering and laughing just like old times. Except of course that she was six months pregnant with my child and she still didn't know that I loved her so much I could barely see straight.
Anyway the point is we'd settled back to being a family again, fighting the good fight and looking after each other, nobody expected the seven foot Delthrax demon that came crashing through the front door brandishing a broadsword that made all the men in the room feel rather inadequate that Wednesday evening. Wesley had been reading, Lorne talking quietly to Cordelia, Gunn and I were cleaning out the weapons cabinet on Cordelia's stern request and Fred was taking a bath. See, no one expected it, no one expected the Delthrax to run straight for Cordelia and lift her out of her chair by her hair and press the sword to her throat.....
***
Fred 1 - Delthrax 0
"AARGGGHH! What the hell.....!!!????" Cordelia screamed as she was yanked out of her seat on the sofa by her hair. Her yells were cut off by the cold blade that pressed against the side of her throat.
"LET HER GO!" Angel growled as he stalked across the room, his game face had slipped into place and a burning fear rose up inside him. The vampire felt the demon inside him push at the barrier of his soul, whispering into his minds ear to let him out to play. He's touching our woman, let me make him pay, Angelus' voice tempted him.
"You took mine...I take yourssssss!" The Delthrax hissed, it's forked tongue flicked out and licked the side of Cordelia's face. Angel saw Cordelia's face scrunch in disgust, her eyes wide with anger.
"I have touched nothing that belongs to you." Angel kicked up the sword at his feet and carried on advancing forward.
"Umm actually you did. On a case last week, Delthrax infestation near the pier, I think this is the one that we couldn't find." Wesley informed him as he came to stand before him, cross bow in hand.
"I knew it would come around and bite us in the butt." Gunn muttered under his breath and flanked the vampires other side.
"Less talking, more Cordelia saving!" The ex-cheerleader snapped then promptly shut up when the demon behind her yanked her hair spitefully. Her eyes fluttered down to where Lorne was still sitting stunned on the couch, she saw something unreadable in his eyes and tensed even further.
"Your fight is with me, not the girl. She's of no use to you, put her down and you and I can go a few rounds." Angel twirled the sword around idly, he tempered his overwhelming fear down and let Angelus take over for a while.
"Ssssshhe will pay for your sinsssss." Delthrax lowered the squirming woman to the floor but didn't let her go, he moved his clawed hand around her delicate neck and squeezed until he heard the woman gasp in pain.
"She's mine." Angel growled and bared his teeth. "If you hurt her in any way I will tear your limbs from you one by one."
"Vampire with ssssoul threatens me? Fool." Out of the corner of his eye Delthrax saw Lorne spring to his feet, the prescient demon had taken only one step before he felt the hot steel enter his side deeply. Lorne blinked and looked down at the sword protruding from his stomach.
"Lorne!" Cordelia screamed.
"Oh crap." Lorne grumbled and fell backwards off the sword hitting the lobby floor with a thud.
"I take thissss one and no one else diessss." Delthrax told them evenly. "That's really not going to work for me I'm afraid." Angel shook his head and raised his eyebrows. "How about you put my girl down and we have a chat? No? Well that's a shame. I guess we're back to me killing you very slowly then." He sighed dramatically.
"Angel...stop fucking about!" Cordelia hissed as the demon gripped her throat, the edge of her vision was blurring and she was close to blacking out.
"You will pay for your sinsss dirty vampire, I will bathe in the blood of the one you love, sssshe will beg for..."
Angel pounced forward but stopped suddenly when he saw the Delthrax's eyes bulge in his head, his threats dying on his tongue. The demons grip loosened enough for Cordelia to struggle free and collapse into Angel's arms, holding her close he hurried her away from the Delthrax and seated her on the couch on the other side of the lobby. Everyone watched in confusion when the enormous demon stumbled forward and collapsed face first on to the floor, a large hubcap shaped axe embedded deeply into his back.
"Well, that wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be." Fred shifted nervously under her friends gazes. "Hey everyone." She waved timidly at them. In all the commotion no one had seen the small Texan edging quietly down the stairs on her back and reaching for Gunn's beloved axe. They had no idea it had taken all her strength and courage to heave it up and bring it crashing down on the demon in front of her. A woman doesn't live in another dimension for five years without learning how to defend herself.
"Fred?" Wesley had fully expected a long and arduous battle with the Delthrax, seeing it dead on the floor with an axe between the shoulder blades had left him slightly confused. Angel jogged back to where the demon was lying prone and kicked it, seeing if it was going to get up again. A part of the vampire wanted it to so he could wail on it for a few hours.
"Wow. That is the coolest thing I have ever seen!" Gunn couldn't keep the adoration out of his voice. "Girl you completely rule!" He ruffled her hair and wrapped an arm around her.
"I have my moments." Fred blushed.
"That was a dangerous thing to do Fred, you could have been hurt." Angel chided her gently, at the crestfallen look that took over her face he smiled warmly at her. "But it was really cool."
"I'm fine by the way." Lorne grunted as he stumbled to his feet. "Please, nobody worry about the person with the gapping stab wound in his gut." He groused.
"Sorry Lorne, will you be OK?" Wesley and Angel helped him to stand, Lorne knew the wound was far from fatal, a couple days in bed and several sea-breezes would make him much better, but was a little concern from his friends be too much to ask?
"I'll be peachy fine." Lorne's self pity vanished, his head whipped up and his stare settled on the too quiet figure of Cordelia Chase across the lobby. "It's not me you need to be worrying about." He pushed the vampire away from him and gestured to the pale young woman. "She needs you NOW!"
"Angel....Somethings wrong with...arrggh! Angel!" Cordelia fell from the couch to her knees, her arms wrapped protectively around her swollen belly. "Oh god there's something wrong with the baby!" The Seer gasped in pain.
Angel's world slowed down as he rushed to his fallen girl, it was though he was outside of his body watching himself lift Cordelia into his arms, telling her that everything would be OK, that he loved her, that nothing was going to happen to their child. He knew it was him that was carrying Cordelia to his car and laying her sobbing body down into the back-seat, it was him that screamed at Gunn to drive faster to the hospital, it was him that had begged Wesley to do something when Cordelia lost consciousness in his arms, but he watched it all through a fog of terror.
***
Have you ever watched your entire reason for existence slip through your fingers and you can't do a damn thing about it? I prayed to every god that had deserted me and made even more pacts with the devil on the ride to the ER.
I'll be a better warrior, I'll give up my Shanshu, I'll do whatever you want me to do just please don't take them away from me.
I thought I had lost everything.
*** Two confessions for the price of one. Cordelia knew where she was before she even opened her eyes. A strong smell of disinfectant assaulted her nose and made her scrunch her nose in disgust. She really hated Hospitals, even after all the time she had spent in them while living on the Hellmouth she detested even being near the place. A sudden thought occurred to her and she forced her eyes open.
Why am I in hospital?
Cordelia struggled to sit up, her bump made it an increasingly difficult task. She realised Angel was asleep in a chair next to the bed, his head resting in his folded arms on the starchy white sheets. Cordelia ran her hand through his spiky hair, delighting in the way it tickled her palm. Angel stirred when he felt her touch, rubbing his face groggily he sat up and blinked at Cordelia.
"Hey." Cordelia smiled at him.
"You're awake." Angel's face broke into a bright smile, he engulfed her in a tight hug, pulling away slightly but unable to let her go the vampire settled onto the bed next to her. Angel smoothed the messy hair from Cordelia's face, relief flooding through him.
"Have I...is the baby OK?" Cordelia asked him desperately, the events of the last few hours bursting forward in her brain.
"The baby is fine Cordy." Angel tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear, "He is as healthy and stubborn as his mother." He told her tenderly.
"She. It's a girl. What happened?" Cordelia relaxed.
"Too much stress and excitement, our little one decided to make *himself* known. There will be no more surprise demon attacks for you young lady."
"You'll get no argument from me on that one. There's really nothing wrong?"
"Everything is fine sweetheart, you need to take it very very easy from now on though." Angel smoothed his hand over the swell of her stomach.
"Once again, no arguments here. Did I pass out? I feel like I passed out." Cordelia's skin had prickled at the soft endearment that had fallen from Angel's lips and she felt the desperate need to hear it again and again.
"Yeah, it shouldn't have been a surprise though, you'd just been attacked by a Delthrax after all. The bodies natural reaction to that kind of trauma is to just shut down and with the added panic of Angel Jnr doing extra strength somersaults you fainted."
"How long have I been asleep? Oh and there is no way we are calling her Angel jnr." Cordelia rested her head against the solid expanse of his chest.
"A couple of hours." He kissed the top of her head. "You really scared me." Angel frowned in thought, he couldn't shake the desperate fear he had felt when she had collapsed in the lobby, he'd thought he'd lost her and his soul had screamed out desperately.
"I'm sorry." Cordelia yawned. "Angel?"
"Hmm?"
"I don't think I can pretend anymore, it takes too much energy." She said before really thinking. The young seer was exhausted and her mouth and heart were working before her brain.
"Pretend what?" Angel lifted her chin so she was looking at him.
"That I don't love you, that I'm not in love with you." Cordelia untangled herself from his arms and looked him square in the eye. "I know you don't feel the same way about me and I'm dealing with that, but I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not."
"You love me?" He said stunned.
"I know it's probably not what you want to hear right now but..." Cordelia could feel her cheeks burning with embarrassment, she dearly wished that she hadn't said anything.
"You...you're in love with me?" Angel blinked trying to sort through the words in his head.
"Err yeah, that's what I just said." Cordelia rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Jeez Angel why do you think I slept with you in Pylea, if I were looking for a quick roll in the hay I would have slept with...."
"For my sanity please *don't* finish that sentence." Angel cut her off forcefully, he really didn't want to know who she would have slept with.
"Sorry." Cordelia mumbled.
"So let me get this straight. You are in love with me. You love me." Angel jabbed his finger into her chest and then into his.
"Angel do you need a diagram to understand this?" She scowled at him when he began to chuckle, Cordelia hadn't expected him to laugh at her. "I'm glad you find this so amusing."
"Oh sweetheart I wasn't laughing at you, I promise. I just realised how monumentally stupid we both are." Angel smiled and pulled her back to him, running his hands up and down her arms.
"Speak for yourself vampire...." Annoyed Cordelia tried to jerk out of his arms.
"I love you too Cordelia." Angel told her sincerely, marvelling in how easy it was for him to say after all this time. Cordelia stopped struggling and gaped at him, her first instinct was to hit him. She always went with her first instinct.
"Hey! What was that for?" The vampire caught her wrist gently before she could land another blow on his shoulder.
"Don't lie. I don't need you humouring me Angel. I'm a big girl, I can handle you not feeling the same way about me, you don't have to lie." Cordelia frowned at him.
"Dammit woman I'm not lying to you! I just told you I'm in love with you too, I would never lie to you about that. I love you so much it's been making me crazy. I love you so much that I drank four bottles of tequila when I found out we'd made love and I couldn't fucking remember it! I've been in love with you for a long time but I didn't think you felt the same so I didn't say anything. You are an annoying, stubborn, bossy, funny, beautiful, amazing woman Cordelia Chase and I LOVE YOU! Understand? Need me to draw you a diagram?" Angel finished his rant smiling.
"No, I think...I think I get the picture." It was Cordelia's turn to look confused.
"Good. I'm glad we have that sorted out at last." Angel murmured then caught her lips with a kiss, it was soft and tender, passion would come later, for now they simply enjoyed the gentle moment.
***
Maybe you were expecting passion filled clinches under a full moon when Cordelia and I finally said the L word, lots of growling and clothes ripping, howling to the stars, bite fuelled orgasms and all that jazz? Do you really expect me to tell you about all that? You do? You're a bunch of gutter-minds the lot of you. I'm sure you can imagine well enough on your own. All I'm going to say about our sex life is wow!
"Marry me?"
"Go to sleep Angel."
"Marry me?"
"Shhh."
"Cordy, marry me?"
"Oh for the love of god will you shut up already!"
"Cordelia?"
"What?"
"Marry me?"
I am nothing if not persistent. After Cordelia left the hospital it took me about a week to convince her to move into the hotel with me, I'm rather proud of that actually, it's been bumpy sailing since then. This morning when we were in bed I asked Cordelia Chase to marry me and I seem to have been asking the same question over and over again without getting an answer. It's a good thing I'm a patient man.
"Angel, sweet heart, honey, pumpkin, dumbarse, if I say I'll marry you will you please let me go to sleep?"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"Was that a yes?"
"Hmmm mmm."
"Cordy? Cordelia? Did you say you'd marry me? Cor are you asleep?"
"Mmmm hmmm."
I think I'll take that as a yes.
the end.