Chapter 15: Guilt and Remorse
Summary: Kathryn and Sebastian deal with the consequences of the accident.
Author's Notes: I'm sorry this took a while to get up but my internet connection got knocked out and I couldn't post it. I'll try to get the next part up soon.
They rode in silence the whole way there. Right after Sebastian relayed to Kathryn the details of the phone conversation he had the two of them had jumped out of the tub and quickly got dressed. "Did they say...?" Was all Kathryn asked.
"No" he said zipping up his pants. Both of them were afraid it was either Annette or James that was possibly dead and the level of guilt was enormous. Since Kathryn and Sebastian were both bad at sharing there feelings neither one said what they were feeling. They just drove to the hospital in silence.
When they finally arrived they got out of the car and headed to the emergency room. "I'm looking for Annette Hardgrove and James Matthew's. They were in a car accident and I got a call they were here."
The tired nurse looked up at them and then as if suddenly remembering said "oh yes Mr. Valmont we spoke on the phone. I couldn't reach either of there parents but I found your number in the young women's purse."
"Where is she? Is she all right?"
The women walked around the desk to them "she's going to be fine. She suffered a slight concussion and a fractured rib but she should be fine."
"What about the guy she was with?" Kathryn asked speaking for the first time.
By the concerned look the nurse gave her Kathryn could tell it wasn't good. "The young man she was with wasn't as lucky. He has severe internal damage. He's in surgery right now. I'm sorry to tell you that his chances aren't good." All of a sudden the women's beeper went off and she sighed "I have to get that. Ms. Hardgrove is in that room across the hallway."
"Thank you" Sebastian muttered as she left. He glanced over at Kathryn who had this far away look in her eyes. It suddenly occurred to him for the first time that night that she was most likely feeling the same thing as him, guilt. Never in a million years would he believe that Kathryn Merteuil was capable of feeling remorse over anything she'd done but here they were and the look was clearly written all over her face.
After the nurse told her the news Kathryn didn't hear anything she said afterwards. As she stood in the hospital corridor all she could think about was her last conversation with James. He loved her, he truly loved her despite all the terrible things she had done to him and now she might never get to tell him how sorry she was for hurting him. She truly was sorry, and not because she knew that if he died it would be partially her fault.
Kathryn was awaken from her thoughts when she felt Sebastian's hand touch her on the back. Turning around he looked down at her with this concerned look and she couldn't help but read his thoughts. He was happy it wasn't Annette. He was relieved to not to have to feel this guilt but she knew him well enough to know he probably felt it anyway. As much as it pained her Kathryn knew he wanted to go to Annette. She sighed "you better go see her."
Sebastian nodded dully and went across the hall to her room. Kathryn didn't follow at first but soon she found she couldn't help herself. As she drifted into the doorway she could hear them talking quietly. "I'm so glad your alright...you have no idea" Sebastian told her as he held her hand.
Annette looked up at him with that doe eye look and said "I'm sorry I scared you. I'm going to be fine Sebastian."
All of this was turning Kathryn's stomach. Sure she was glad Annette wasn't dead and all but a big part of her very much wished that it was her in that hospital bed and not James. However what bothered her most of all was the way Sebastian was acting. Just an hour ago he was pledging his love for her now here he was all relieved at Annette's safety. Kathryn would expect him to feel some relief over her well being but the scene before her was nauseating.
Sebastian brushed a strand of blond hair from her eyes. "Annette what happened exactly?"
Tears began to welt up in her eyes "oh god I don't remember."
Kathryn glared at her and hissed "try."
Both Sebastian and Annette looked over at her. She could tell by the disapproving look in his eyes that he didn't want her to push put frankly she didn't care. Annette gave Kathryn an uneasy stare and said "we left your mother's place. I was upset and James came out after me and got in. I don't remember where we were going, I just remember I was having trouble concentrating-"
"Well then that's the perfect time to get in a car" Kathryn interrupted. Sebastian turned around and glared at her and she raised her eyebrows as if challenging him. Finally Kathryn had enough of this and turned around and left.
Sebastian sighed as Kathryn left. He knew Kathryn had reason to be upset but he wished she would curb the bitch act for five minutes or at least until Annette wasn't laying in a hospital bed. Still he thought he needed to talk to her so he gave Annette a small smile "I'll be right back."
She gave him a nod and he headed out to Kathryn who was standing with her back to him. "Look I know your upset but-"
Kathryn whipped around "upset? Sebastian she's the reason he's in there."
"Maybe but now is not the time to be starting fights with her. You can have it out with her when she's healed just go easy on her for now" he explained gently caressing her arms.
This however did not exactly put Kathryn at ease. She glared up at him "go easy on her? My you still have your whipped boyfriend routine down don't you?"
Shaking his head he sighed "that's not fair. I'm not in love with Annette but that doesn't mean I don't care about her. Besides I know your only acting like this out of guilt-"
"Guilt?" Kathryn interrupted "what do I have to feel guilty about?"
Sebastian stared her down "you know what."
The icy look in Kathryn's eyes started to melt a bit. "What if he-"
"He's going to be fine Kathryn. He-" Sebastian was suddenly cut off when he saw the nurse from earlier approaching them. She did not look happy and by the look on her face Sebastian knew what she came to tell them. "What is it?"
Kathryn spun around to face her "he's ok right?"
With her concerned face still in tact the women said "I'm sorry your friend didn't make it. The bleeding was just too much."
It was then Sebastian felt Kathryn lean against him and he was sure that if he hadn't been there she might have fallen over all together. "Oh god" he heard her whisper.
"I've notified his family and they should be here shortly. I'm sorry for your loss."
As she walked away Sebastian nodded and held on to Kathryn. She was as still as could be as he turned around to face her. "Kathryn" he whispered "I'm so sorry but you know this isn't your fault right? Kathryn?" As he spoke he noticed the far away look on her face. "Baby look at me" he instructed. Finally she shifted her gaze to Annette's hospital room. "Kathryn what are you..."
Suddenly he got his answer when Kathryn took off for Annette's room. She flew into the room and jumped straight at Annette. Kathryn wasn't saying anything just hitting her wildly. Sebastian ran in after her closing the door behind him before he pulled Kathryn off of Annette. Annette had tears in her eyes and was screaming "are you crazy? What is wrong with you?"
Kathryn struggled while Sebastian tried to control her. "Kathryn this isn't helping anything. I know you upset but you can't just attack."
"You killed him" she hissed at Annette.
"What?" Annette asked blinking back tears. "James is-"
Sebastian let go of Kathryn when she finally stopped struggling. "Yeah James didn't make it. I'm sorry Annette."
"Why are you apologizing to her for? She's the reason he's dead." Kathryn glared at Annette with absolute malice "you drove him off that cliff. You and your poor broken heart. God I wish it was you instead of him. You deserved to die."
Sebastian was hardly shocked by Kathryn's words because he knew just how nasty she could be when crossed but what came out of Annette's mouth shocked him. "You want someone to blame for James death Kathryn? Well take a good look in the mirror."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me" she said coldly sitting up in bed. "You destroyed James. He was in love with you but you didn't care. All you cared about was using him to your own advantage. You never cared about him he was just another toy for you, a substitute Sebastian. Yes I was upset over finding you with Sebastian so I am slightly to blame but your the one who put me in that car. His death in on your hands."
After Annette's little speech Kathryn stood there in absolute silence shaking slightly. Sebastian thought Kathryn would scream something back just as vicious at Annette and judging by the look on Annette's face she thought the same. However Kathryn said nothing. She just glanced once at Sebastian before running out of the room.
Sebastian glanced back once at Annette before running out after her. "Kathryn!" He called.
She turned around and shook her head at him "just stay away from me, ok?"
Before he could respond Kathryn disappeared out the hospital doors.
* * * * * *
The funeral was held a week later at one of New York's finest cemeteries. The Valmont siblings along with Tiffani rode to the funeral in silence. At this point Sebastian was use to the quiet as far as Kathryn was concerned. He had been dealing with it all week.
After Kathryn left the hospital Sebastian had gone back in with Annette who was still angry. She refused to apologize for what she said saying Kathryn had to hear it. Sebastian was in no mood to argue and so he stayed a little longer before heading home. By the time he got back Kathryn was in her room with the door locked. He knocked and tried to enter but Kathryn refused to talk to him. She spent much of the week in her room and when she did finally come out she froze him out only talking to him in one word answers. Sebastian knew she was upset about James but he wondered if any of this had to do with her feelings for him.
As the limo approached the cemetery Sebastian kept him gaze on Kathryn who was staring blankly out the window. Tiffani meanwhile was babbling on about how she hoped the ceremony wouldn't last too long because she had a facial at two. When the car stopped Sebastian didn't wait for the driver to open the door he got out and waited for them to follow suit. As Kathryn got out he took her hand and helped her. For the first time that week Kathryn looked at him as he held her hand for a moment longer than necessary. There moment was broken when Tiffani exclaimed "ok let's go already."
The service wasn't very long namely because James wasn't Catholic. As the reverend spoke Sebastian looked around at the groups of mourners and wasn't surprised to see Annette and Dean Hardgrove among them. Her arm was still in a sling as she stared mournfully down at the casket. When she noticed Sebastian she gave him a small smile but he just nodded.
After the service was over and every one headed back to there respective cars Sebastian realized this might be the time to talk with Kathryn. As Tiffani headed back to the car Kathryn stood still staring down at James headstone. Coming up behind her Sebastian whispered "how are you?"
Turning her head towards him she replied "fine" in a flat voice.
Sebastian sighed "come on Kathryn you can't freeze me out forever."
"That's not what...I didn't mean to."
Touching her bare arm lightly he pressed "then talk to me. Stop ignoring me I-"
"I don't want to hurt you" Kathryn interrupted him suddenly.
The statement left him more than a little uneasy about where this was heading. "What's that suppose to mean?"
"We can't be together anymore. Whatever we had...it has to stop."
Sebastian shook his head "why because James died? Kathryn this isn't your fault. You didn't drive him over that rail."
"I know!" She snapped suddenly "but I mine as well have. We were kidding ourselves Sebastian. Do you honestly think our family would have let us be together. It's insane and you know it. You and I are not meant for each other so I'm ending it now." Before Sebastian could protest she said quietly "I'm sorry Sebastian."
He watched her walk back to her mother in part shock. In a way he had been expecting this but in no way was he going to stop him from getting what he wanted. Kathryn and him belonged together and he wasn't about to let anything stand in his way.
- to be continued (Please Review)