Summary: Kathryn attempts to push Sebastian away but finds herself unable to stay away from him.
Authors Note: So here it is, I've finally updated this story. I'm not sure if anyone is still interested so let me know if I should continue. If so I will write one more chapter and then the epilogue. Happy Thanksgiving...enjoy!
Chapter 16: Push and Pull
Two weeks following the funeral nothing had changed between Sebastian and Kathryn. Although they saw each other daily she made it a point to avoid talking to him or even making eye contact. If she did have to speak to him it was always in one word answers delivered in the same flat tone. Several times during those weeks Sebastian would try to get her alone but Kathryn became quite good at avoiding him without drawing any suspicion from their parents.
However Sebastian wasn't about to let her guilt or whatever was making her act like this keep her from him. By the end of the second week he was more determined than ever to make Kathryn see she was making a mistake by ending things between them. He loved her and although she wouldn't admit it he knew she loved him as well. The trick would be making her realize it.
It was during dinner one night that Sebastian vowed that he was going to force her to talk with him. He sat across the long dinning table from her while his stepmother sat at the head of the table. His father had come home briefly after the funeral but was soon off again on another so-called business trip. As Tiffani rambled on about something or other Sebastian kept his eyes glued to his stepsister who was looking at everything but him.
When she continued to ignore him he decided to do something childish to get a reaction from her. Sliding his shoe off Sebastian began to brush his leg up against hers. Immediately Kathryn stopped eating and glared over at him with her typical icy stare. However Sebastian only smiled pleasantly as he moved his foot to the inside of her thigh. She let her hand come down and she tried to push him away but he wouldn't budge.
Suddenly he felt her pinch his leg hard and on instinct Sebastian kicked her. Kathryn bit down on her lip and he thought she was going to say something but she bit her tongue. Instead she tried once more to push his leg away only this time he reached under the table and grabbed for her hand. Sliding his foot back down Sebastian held on to Kathryn's hand for a moment as their eyes met in an intense stare. Then as quickly as it happened Kathryn pulled away.
Sensing something was amiss between the two Tiffani asked "is something wrong?"
"No" Kathryn told her "can I be excused?"
Her mother sighed "I suppose so."
When Kathryn got up and left Sebastian got up as well knowing this was as good a time as any to speak to her. Ignoring Tiffani's questions about where he was going he quickly caught up with Kathryn and before she could disappear into her bedroom he grabbed her arm and pulled her into his room.
As she tried unsuccessfully to break free of his grasp Kathryn yelled "let go of me Sebastian!"
"Not until we talk" he said closing the door behind him.
Yanking her hand away from his she responded coolly "we have nothing to talk about."
"Like hell we don't. I have been trying everything possible to get you to talk to me. Being nice didn't work, being caring didn't. Well maybe being an asshole will get your attention."
"Afraid not" she told him before turning to leave.
Sebastian came up from behind her and blocked the door. "No fucking way are you leaving now. What is it going to take for you to realize that you're making a mistake? What do I have to do? Name it and it's done."
To Sebastian's great astonishment Kathryn began to laugh. "Do you have any idea how pathetic you are?"
"Excuse me?"
She shook her head at him as if she was talking to a child who couldn't comprehend the simplest thing. "All you've been doing for weeks is follow me around like some pathetic little puppy. Trying to talk to me, get a reaction out of me. Christ Sebastian what's it going to take for you to get a fucking clue? I'm not interested, I never was."
He knew she was just trying to push him away but it still hurt. "That's bullshit and you know it."
Her hand came out and caressed his face "no it's not. I never loved you Sebastian I mean how could I? You're just a toy remember. Granted you're a lot more fun to play with than the others which is why I kept you around so long. But now it's getting tired. I'm bored so do me a favor and just let it go."
"Not a chance" he told her matching her cold tone. "I'm not an idiot Kathryn I know what you're doing but it's useless. You think if you hurt me enough I'll push you away but it doesn't work that way baby. I love you and I'm not just going to forget that."
"Oh god quit with the psychoanalysis. You don't know me anyone than you know yourself."
"It's not working!" He yelled at her "go ahead be a bitch it's better than the sullen attitude you've been walking around with lately. Say whatever you like I'm not giving up on you. I love you Kathryn and I know you feel the same way." In a softer tone he continued "you're still upset about James. You think you're responsible and that by pushing me away you won't have to feel anything but I'm telling you, you don't have to do it."
"You're right I did feel guilty about James, but I got over it." A slow smile came across her lips as she went on "I was only using the grieving girlfriend act to get rid of you. I was trying to be nice" she explained in a mocking tone. "However since you don't seem to be getting the point any time soon I'll spell it out for you one last time. I...don't...love...you. I never did and I never could. All that was between us was sex and it was mediocre sex at that."
"Y-you expect me to believe that?"
She shrugged "it's the truth. Come on Sebastian all that time we were together did I ever tell you I was in love with you? Of course not I was just using you."
Although he still wasn't buying it he went along with her "why?"
"For revenge. You got rid of me for that blond twit and I have been just aching to pay you back for it. Then when you started getting jealous of James I got my chance. You fell in love with me and threw her away like she was trash." Kathryn let out a cold chuckle "god you were completely whipped, it was fucking hysterical. Going on and on about us having a future together, like I would ever give up everything for you. I mean you're my step brother for crying out loud. What a fucking joke, you're a joke."
"Stop it"
"What's the matter?" She asked still smirking "can't take the truth? You can't handle the fact that you're so called true love thinks you're nothing more than a piece of useless garbage? You think you mean something to me, that you're different from all the rest? You're not."
"Shut up"
"Oh is Sebastian going to cry?" She continued to mock him "how fucking precious. Well you wanted to know the truth so I told you." Kathryn stepped closer and with a wicked grin asked "so you still love me?"
Holding back his rage he told her in a cold, controlled tone "get out."
"With pleasure"
After Kathryn left he slowly walked back to his desk processing every thing she just told him. Then with a loud roar of anger he cleared his desk not caring when every thing fell to the ground. It wasn't true, his brain screamed. She was just pushing him away. However he couldn't ignore the coldness in her voice and that flicker of cruelness in her eyes. Sebastian had scene it there before. Just like when she was gloating over ruining his relationship with Annette. Only this was so much worse.
Was it true, had she been playing him all along? He didn't know and he was starting to wonder if he should even care anymore. It was all starting to seem so pointless. Part of Sebastian wanted to scream, who gives a fuck anymore about Kathryn and her so called issues? Let her play her mind games with someone else. He didn't care anymore.
Only as he collapsed back in bed he realized he did care. That's why it was so painful. Kathryn was right he was pathetic because even if she was telling the truth and she didn't love him it didn't matter. He still loved her.
* * * * * *
Later that night Kathryn crept from her bedroom and crossed the hall. Even before she opened the door she knew he would be asleep. As it happened she was right so she had to be careful when she pushed the heavy door open that she didn't wake him. Standing in the drafty doorway watching Sebastian sleep, Kathryn hated herself more than ever.
It was funny although she had more self confidence than any other person imaginable, she had never been particularly found of herself. She was well aware of her faults; she was cold, selfish and ruthless. Other people's feelings and thoughts never really mattered to her much. She felt nothing for her parents but contempt and her friends were a joke. They were all just pawns in her game of life.
He was the one exception.
Kathryn had long ago realized what she felt for Sebastian. She always knew it but like James said it was easier for her to ignore it. It was so much easier to push him away, to pretend the feelings didn't exist. That way no one got hurt especially her.
He loved her this she knew. No matter how hard she pushed him he never stopped. Sadly Kathryn wondered if he still did after what she said to him. Any one else would have and she knew she had given him enough reason to. Yes she had always disliked herself but this was the only time she truly hated herself.
However Kathryn reasoned she was doing the right thing. Sebastian might love her now and want to be with her but eventually he wouldn't. She would do something to fuck it up like she always did and then he would hate her. James had loved her for reasons that were completely beyond her and look what happened to him. He probably got off light. No she loved Sebastian far too much to let him destroy himself for her. So she would hurt him now to spare him the pain she would eventually cause him.
Still she was an incredibly selfish girl because here she was standing only a few feet away from him, wanting desperately to climb into bed with him and fall asleep. Kathryn had been lying in her own bed thinking about him and what she said, wondering if he hated her. Finally when her own thoughts started to get to her she left to go watch Sebastian.
If she was as strong as she believed herself to be she would turn around and leave. She would force herself to forget all about him and then find a way to get him out of her life permanently. She would continue to screw with him until he completely despised her and went crawling back to that blond girlfriend of his. However Kathryn knew she wouldn't do any of those things because she was weak. Instead she walked over to the bed and crawled in beside him.
For awhile she just laid there trying to be quiet as she listened to him breath. Soon after Sebastian began to stir when he realized he wasn't alone. Turning around still half asleep Kathryn could tell he was surprised to see her. She could also tell he didn't look particularly pleased. "What do you want?" Sebastian muttered gruffly.
"I couldn't sleep" she told him avoiding his eyes.
"Too bad, get out" he said harshly before turning back over. When Kathryn stayed where she was he ordered "leave."
"I can't" she whispered.
Fed up he whipped back around now fully awake and asked her "what the fuck is your problem? I'm sick of the mind games Kathryn. Tell me what you want and then get the fuck out."
"I-I don't know"
"Not good enough, get lost."
It was then she broke. Not because he was being cruel to her, but because she knew she deserved it she began to cry. As strange as it was she hadn't cried in a long time not even after James died. But here she was balling like a complete wuss in front of the one person she swore she would never loose it in front of. Immediately Sebastian lost his scowl and instead looked at her with concern. "What's wrong?"
With a hand to her face she murmured through tears "I'm sorry."
Gently he pulled her hand away asking "hey what are you sorry about? Kathryn...Kathryn please tell me what's wrong."
"I'm what's wrong!" She yelled "I shouldn't even be in here."
As she started to get up Sebastian pulled her back down. "Oh no you're not going anywhere."
"You told me to leave. Just let me go Sebastian."
"No" he said as he pulled her back down and climbed on top of her. "Look at me" he ordered "now I want you to tell me what the hell is going on with you Kathryn. We were happy or at least I thought we were pretty damn close to it. Then the accident happened and you shut down and freeze me out. You push me away saying I disgust you and then you show up in my bed. Now you're not leaving this bed until you give me a straight answer."
As a tear rolled down her face she asked "Why don't you hate me?"
"I probably should" he sighed "but I don't, I can't. Is that what you wanted?" When she didn't answer he told her "I'm love with you Kathryn, I probably always will but I-"
"I love you."
Sebastian looked at her quite astonished "what?"
Kathryn pushed him off of her and sat up wiping her face. "You heard me. I love you but it doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything!"
She snickered "funny I never took you for a romantic Sebastian."
"And I never took you for an idiot" he told her sitting up. "Do you honestly think pushing me away is going to solve anything? It will just make us both more miserable. I know you think you're somehow responsible for James dying-"
"I am"
"No you're not" he said forcing her to look his way. "And no amount of self pity is going to make it true."
"I'm not...I'm not doing that." She said it knowing it was a lie. "Look this isn't just about James. I destroy people Sebastian, that's what I do. You said so yourself."
Reaching his hand out he gently wiped her face "I'm a big boy I can take care of myself. I can also make you happy Kathryn if you let me and stop pushing me away. So what do you say?"
Slowly she let her hand slid around his neck as she pulled him to her. Their mouth's met in a tender but passionate kiss that seemed to answer any questions they had towards each other. Pulling her mouth away only for a moment Kathryn whispered "I need you."
Sebastian smiled before pulling her back down to the bed. Slowly he stripped her and when she was completely naked he kissed every inch of her before pushing inside of her. That night for the first time in their young lives they made love. While they both had vase experience in the art of fucking this was the first time it wasn't primarily about getting off. Sebastian had made love to Annette but really because that was the only way they could experience sex. With Kathryn however he had a choice and this was how he wanted it to be with her.
Later when they were both too tired to continue Kathryn laid underneath Sebastian contemplating her future. She was in an impossible relationship but she didn't care. Fuck her self pity and doing the supposed right thing, she wanted to be with Sebastian.
"What are you smiling about?" He whispered in her ear.
"I'm wondering if my mother heard us"
"Doubtful" he snorted "she's probably digested enough valium to knock her out until Tuesday."
Kathryn smiled "even so...she'll never let this happen. Even if you weren't my stepbrother."
"Don't worry about it" he told her casually as he flicked his finger across her hard nipple.
Yawning she said "well I'm entirely too tired to think about it now. But in the morning we'll discuss..." Kathryn was asleep before she could finish her sentence.
* * * * * *
The next morning Sebastian awoke before Kathryn. He was almost surprised to see she was still there. The previous night had been amazing so much so that he thought it might have been a dream but as he woke up there she was sleeping beside him.
Although he had the urge to wake her he figured he'd to let Kathryn sleep a little while longer. Sebastian decided to go see what the cook had prepared for breakfast before coming back to wake her up. Quietly he got up and threw a robe on before heading to the door. After looking back one more time at her he smiled and opened the door. Sebastian nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Tiffani standing on the other side of the door wearing her usual cold smile.
"Good morning Sebastian" she looked past him to see her daughter sleeping soundly on the bed. "I trust you slept well."
"As a matter of fact I did" he told her trying to hide the sense of panic he felt.
Tiffani's cold demeanor never wavered "you won't for long."
He watched as she turned and walked calmly to the living room. Sebastian glanced once more at Kathryn before closing the door and following after her. "What the hell does that mean?"
Shaking her head at him she asked "you really think I don't know what was going on with you two? Please Sebastian, nothing happens in my home without my knowledge."
"The question is what are you going to do about it?" Sebastian wasn't actually aware Tiffani knew about Kathryn and him but in a way he thought it might be a good thing that it was now out in the open. However he had a feeling Tiffani wasn't about to make it easy on them.
With a sigh she told him "I'm not going to do anything Sebastian. You on the other hand will. You're going to break up with Kathryn."
He smiled coldly at her demand "oh I don't think so."
Slowly Tiffani approached him until they were standing only a foot apart. Reaching out to him she caressed his face "Sebastian you're smarter than that. Did you honestly think I was going to just turn the other cheek while I let you ruin my daughter? I don't think so. You see unlike the common trash you usually associate yourself with Kathryn has a reputation to protect. She's a Merteuil and as such she has an image to uphold. Now since she seems to have forgotten that I'm going to have to fix this little mistake she's made or rather you will."
Sebastian pushed her hand away roughly as he said "no way in hell. I'm in love with her and she loves me and there's nothing you can do about it step mommy."
"Of course I can" she told him confidently. "You're going to break up with her because if you don't I'm going to have to be forced to send her away."
"Threatening boarding school now?"
"No I was thinking somewhere a little more...secure. You know I've been awfully concerned about Kathryn lately. After the death of that friend of hers she just hasn't been herself. I'm terribly worried she might hurt herself so I've been looking into this clinic in Switzerland-"
"You sick bitch" Sebastian hissed.
"I'm sick? You shouldn't be throwing stones Sebastian you are after all the one who is sleeping with his step sister. However it ends now. You'll end things with Kathryn or you won't be seeing her again for a very long time."
"I won't"
"You will since you supposedly love her. I'm giving you till tomorrow to make up your mind. If you haven't dumped her by then Kathryn will be on a plane with weekend."
- to be continued (Please Review)