"Justin"
a murder by numbers.korn songfic by SchizoAuthoress
Richard glared at Justin, all the fury in him focused and channeled through his bronze-colored eyes.
[Fuck all that bullshit!]
Justin sighed. He held up his wrists to Richard. It was like a ritual, a blood sacrifice to his twin gods: Pain and Richard.
[You watch me play./ I look away./ Your lights too bright./ You found my life.]
Richard bound up the lacerations in white gauze, the blood still spotting the snowy fabric, like in the fairy tale. Snow White. He wondered whether the fairest woman in the land had ever felt as ugly and hopeless as he did.
Richard knew his secret, his mutilation of body and soul, and he didn't judge. Justin loved him. Justin loved Richard for his unprejudiced acceptance of the ugly part of him.
[Time, fall through space. You and I./ Time, fall through. You and I.]
Later, at school, with Justin's cuts hidden by long sleeves, Richard tormented Justin in the little useless drama of high school. It was a silent understanding, it was good for the plan.
[You're gonna die!]
In literature and composition, Justin let his mind wander. . .to the person they would kill together. The person had no face, but that didn't matter. It was the extinguishing of a life, not the life that was extinguished which was important.
[Wannna meet me, why?/ I wish I had the strength/ Inside your soul escapes.]
And then he was waiting for Richard at the bluff. Something important, he'd said, I need to see you.
[Time, fall through space. You and I./ Time, fall through space. You and I.]
Richard had taken him into his arms. Justin could not fight him, did not want to fight him. Richard had kissed him, hard and hungry and demanding and. . .
[Cry, into me./ Help me... something... alright.../ The kids that die listening to me.]
And Justin couldn't give him what he wanted. And even though Richard murmured that he understood, and Justin knew that he did, he was so understanding, even though Richard wasn't angry with him, Justin cried. He clung to Richard, hid his face in Richard's expensive designer shirt, and cried racking, soul-crushing sobs.
[You are alive!]
He couldn't do this, not to Richard. Couldn't let Richard love somebody who was dead inside. Justin was dead inside, and Richard was alive.
[Time, fall through space. You and I stay....]
"Don't cry, don't cry. . ." Richard was stroking his hair, crooning softly, "It's okay Justin, it's okay."
But it wasn't. Justin pushed away, whispering hoarsely, "It's not. I. . .I want to, but I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I'm dead. You can't love someone who's dead."
[Time, fall through space. You and I. Time, fall through space. You and I.]
Pain and Richard. His gods.
He wanted Richard so badly. He wanted Richard loving him and inside him, he wanted to scream for Richard, he wanted to bleed for Richard's love. . .
[I...]
He would.
a murder by numbers.korn songfic by SchizoAuthoress
Richard glared at Justin, all the fury in him focused and channeled through his bronze-colored eyes.
[Fuck all that bullshit!]
Justin sighed. He held up his wrists to Richard. It was like a ritual, a blood sacrifice to his twin gods: Pain and Richard.
[You watch me play./ I look away./ Your lights too bright./ You found my life.]
Richard bound up the lacerations in white gauze, the blood still spotting the snowy fabric, like in the fairy tale. Snow White. He wondered whether the fairest woman in the land had ever felt as ugly and hopeless as he did.
Richard knew his secret, his mutilation of body and soul, and he didn't judge. Justin loved him. Justin loved Richard for his unprejudiced acceptance of the ugly part of him.
[Time, fall through space. You and I./ Time, fall through. You and I.]
Later, at school, with Justin's cuts hidden by long sleeves, Richard tormented Justin in the little useless drama of high school. It was a silent understanding, it was good for the plan.
[You're gonna die!]
In literature and composition, Justin let his mind wander. . .to the person they would kill together. The person had no face, but that didn't matter. It was the extinguishing of a life, not the life that was extinguished which was important.
[Wannna meet me, why?/ I wish I had the strength/ Inside your soul escapes.]
And then he was waiting for Richard at the bluff. Something important, he'd said, I need to see you.
[Time, fall through space. You and I./ Time, fall through space. You and I.]
Richard had taken him into his arms. Justin could not fight him, did not want to fight him. Richard had kissed him, hard and hungry and demanding and. . .
[Cry, into me./ Help me... something... alright.../ The kids that die listening to me.]
And Justin couldn't give him what he wanted. And even though Richard murmured that he understood, and Justin knew that he did, he was so understanding, even though Richard wasn't angry with him, Justin cried. He clung to Richard, hid his face in Richard's expensive designer shirt, and cried racking, soul-crushing sobs.
[You are alive!]
He couldn't do this, not to Richard. Couldn't let Richard love somebody who was dead inside. Justin was dead inside, and Richard was alive.
[Time, fall through space. You and I stay....]
"Don't cry, don't cry. . ." Richard was stroking his hair, crooning softly, "It's okay Justin, it's okay."
But it wasn't. Justin pushed away, whispering hoarsely, "It's not. I. . .I want to, but I can't."
"Why?"
"Because I'm dead. You can't love someone who's dead."
[Time, fall through space. You and I. Time, fall through space. You and I.]
Pain and Richard. His gods.
He wanted Richard so badly. He wanted Richard loving him and inside him, he wanted to scream for Richard, he wanted to bleed for Richard's love. . .
[I...]
He would.