My deepest
apologies to Bernardo Bertolucci, JKR and everyone who
thinks this will be
flirtatious use of food. It's not. It's just a
blatant misuse of
foodstuff for sexual purposes.
I'm not sure about
the rating. Somewhat R-ish,I think. The film they
are watching was
rated NC-17, but this is not that graphic.
"What are we doing here? Remind me again why I have to spend the night on a hard floor in a sleeping bag instead of a comfortable bed."
"You wanted to stay with me. And we're waiting for Hermione's things to arrive."
"At least we've got food. In that noisy – what did you call it – ridge? Why don't she just use a cooling spell? I could never get used to all those Muggle things."
"She's used to them. And it's called a fridge."
"She left us some good wine though. Hermione's got great taste, I'll give her that."
"Do you want another glass?"
"Yes please. It's not like there is anything else to do here. Except looking at those boxes."
"That's a TV, Draco. And a VCR."
"And that is?"
"Oh god. You've never seen a video?"
"No. Why should I have done such a thing?"
"Let's watch one."
"Why?"
"Think of it as Muggle Studies. You really should have taken that, you know."
"Bah. Oh, okay. Just show me how it works. Don't look at me like that, Harry. Please teach me all things Muggle. Please, please. I really, really want to know."
"Okay. I put one of these into that box. And then we'll watch the film on that screen. A film is like moving pictures."
"Like Wizard's pictures?"
"Well, not really. It works like this…"
* * *
"Hermione sure has some strange videos here. I don't even understand the titles. Spanish, French. Ingmar Bergman. No. I don't think we'll start with subtitled films. Hmm, what is this? Marlon Brando. That might be good. He was in The Godfather…"
"Let me see the box. Is it about Paris? I've been to Paris."
"I haven't."
"I know. We have to go there."
"This could be some musical. Tango is a dance, you know."
"I know what tango is. Dancing isn't just for Muggles, you know."
"I know. Sometimes I wish it was."
"I'll teach you to tango some day."
"Let's just watch the movie."
"Let's."
* * *
"Oh my god!"
"I'd never thought Hermione would want to watch something like this."
"Maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do. This is disgusting!"
"What?"
"That old guy and that girl."
"You'd prefer two guys, wouldn't you?"
"I'm not answering that. What are they doing?"
"I'd thought it was quite obvious. They are naked. And on top of each other."
"In the middle of the floor. In an empty flat. It could be us. It could be here."
"We're not in Paris. You're not a girl. And we're not naked."
"Yet."
"You're not a girl yet? Draco, is there something you want to tell me?"
"Ha ha. You're so funny. But we're sitting in the middle of the floor in an empty flat."
"Don't get any ideas."
"Why not?"
"Okay. Get ideas. I like your ideas. But I want to see the film."
"You can watch it too. Come over here."
"Okay."
"This is much better."
"Do you want another pillow?"
"Yes please. You're not cold are you, Harry?"
"If I am, will you warm me up?"
* * *
"No. No. No."
"What's that? What is he doing?"
"Oh."
"Yes. Oh. But she's a girl!"
"That doesn't mean they cannot do that."
"Have anal sex you mean?"
"Don't be so blunt."
"Oh! You're blushing! How cute is that?"
"I am not blushing. I'm just…a little warm."
"Come on, you know you like it. Why shouldn't they?"
"I know I like it. But he's ugly. I wouldn't do him. Or let him do that to me."
"I hope not. But you'll do that to me, won't you?"
"Anytime."
"What's he doing now? That's butter! Euw!"
"Is that some kind of Muggle ritual?"
"Not one I've ever heard of."
"I had never thought of using it like that."
"Neither have I."
"I have an idea."
"I like your ideas. Do that again."
"I didn't mean this."
"No! Don't stop now!"
"Let's see if Hermione has any butter."
"For what?"
"Just watch the film."
"Uh, Draco. We don't need that. We've got wands and spells."
"I want to try something."
"Draco, come back here!"
"I'll be right back."
"You're insane."
"Look what I found!"
"What are you going to do with it?"
"Don't worry. You'll like it. Please. Come on. You can't say no to me now."
"Draco! Oh!"
"You like this, don't you?"
"Don't stop now."
"See. It works."
"Do that again. Please."
"Wait. This is a little awkward. And sticky. You're right. Spells are better."
"So why don't you just use one?"
"Harry, just think of it as Muggle Studies."
Fin