Disclaimer- Ah, if Naoko-sama would just give me the Outer Senshi and the Shitennou, just
them, I'd be one happy author... but alas, it was not meant to be. Instead, I content myself
with fanfiction, and blindly hope for the day...
Summary- Mamoru and Zoisite have further... adventures in each other's bodies.
Author's Note- Thank you for the nice reviews. And yes, Usagi/Mamoru interaction is one of
the main themes of this story. If you also like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I suggest you read
one of my other stories, Out of Time, Out of World, which has many of the same themes,
only messing with time and Willow. Also- this chapter is a bit dirtier than the first, because
of Zoi's potty mouth. I still don't think it's enough to make it R, not by a long shot, though.
I'm just warning.
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Two
False-Mamoru pouted. He knew it didn't look the same in this annoying black-haired guy's
body, but it was too fundamental a habit for Zoi to stop doing it now. And the nerve of all
these stupid humans! Zoisite was starting to remember why he'd never given humans that
much thought before. Both the Odango and that Motoki. Their nerve! How could Motoki
refuse to serve him his tenth sundae? It was unbelievable.
And the Odango. How could she refuse his advances? Granted, he didn't have his old,
beautiful body, but this one was good-looking enough. Plus, he had his natural, charming
personality. And it wasn't like the Odango was exactly a stunner. False-Mamoru's pout
deepened, then he brightened. Odango may have won the battle, but not the war! Makenai!
He would never give up!
Where was he supposed to go? He hated to admit it, but he was kind of full for the moment.
He could get some more food later, when he wasn't so stuffed, but if he ate any more now,
he'd probably throw up. Ugh. He stopped a moment to steady himself.
Suddenly, he got an idea. That Motoki idea had said that he had classes. After a quick stop
at this Mamoru guy's apartment, he picked up a schedule. He didn't bother with any books.
They would have detracted from his plan, anyway.
He waltzed into his second class, British Literature, fifteen minutes late. The teacher, Mr.
Hartman was lecturing about something, and the students were quiet and attentive,
scribbling down notes as fast as they could. Naturally, False-Mamoru felt it his duty to
disturb this achievement of balance.
"Hello!" he called out, posing for a moment in the door before filing to the only empty desk.
He flashed one of the things he had seen someone in the Earth Realm do- the finger- before
plopping himself down. "I'm here, ready to absorb the knowledge!"
The entire class was gaping at him. What bookworms! Hadn't they ever done anything! He
grinned. The teacher frowned, lecture fully halted. "Mamoru-san, where are your books!"
False-Mamoru smirked. "I have a new motto!"
Mr. Hartman sighed, fully perturbed. Mamoru was normally a model student. "Yes?"
False-Mamoru flashed the finger again, and remained silent, grinning insanely. The teacher
sighed, and repeated his question. "Mamoru-san, where are your books?"
"My new motto is, what books!" False-Mamoru giggled loudly at his own lame joke. The
entire class was gaping at him. What had happened to reclusive, smart, studious Mamoru?
Was he on drugs, or something?
"Very well..." the teacher said, shuddering mentally. He would never understand his
students. The moment he thought he had them figured out, they acted so scarily out of
character, as Chiba Mamoru had just demonstrated. Then he remembered that he actually
did have a job, and continued his lecture. The students shot final, worried glances at False-
Mamoru, then resumed taking notes.
False-Mamoru was immediately bored. Also, he wanted to be the center of attention again.
Suddenly realizing what he could do, he leaned forward, towards the braided, glasses-
wearing girl in front of him. "Hey," he whispered. Then he leaned even closer and whispered
something in her ear that he had learned from Kunzite.
The entire class turned as the girl in front of False-Mamoru shrieked at the top of her lungs,
"Oh my god!" and jumped about three feet, still sitting. The girls' friends stared at Mamoru
accusingly. He flashed his best "I'm-such-an-innocent-little-angel" smile at them.
The teacher frowned. What was going on? Everything had been going fine until Mamoru came
in. He desperately resumed the lecture, unsure of what else to do. The students, still
puzzled and uneasy, didn't pay that much attention.
False-Mamoru was pleased with the effect he'd had. He leaned forward again. "Hey little
girl." He lowered his voice to a sultry whisper. "Ever sucked off a guy before?" She shook her
head, embarrassed beyond belief. "After class, wanna learn how?" He raised an eyebrow
suggestively.
The girl shrieked again, this time even louder. She jumped up from her seat and backed up
about five feet from Mamoru. "Professor," she called out frantically, "Can I switch seats with
someone?"
This time, Professor Hartman hadn't seen anything. He had been too busy writing on the
board. "Don't be silly, Reiko-san. Sit back down. I wish you'd stop interrupting my lecture."
Once again, he began to talk about the class' subject, British Lit, but no one was listening at
all. They were too busy gaping at Reiko and False-Mamoru.
Reiko returned to her seat, and eyed False-Mamoru with a suspicious glare. False-Mamoru
flashed another innocent smile. After a few minutes, when he hadn't tried anything, she
turned her attention back to literary devices. Suddenly, she felt False-Mamoru's cool tongue
lick her neck!
She screamed, "Aaaah!" and bolted from the classroom as fast as her legs could carry her.
She didn't even remember to pick up her books. Several other girls left after her, looking
concerned. Mamoru folded his hands, and grinned madly. This was FUN!
He was struck by inspiration at that point, and ignoring all rules of propriety got up on his
desk. Everyone stopped and stared at him. False-Mamoru gave a large bow, then began to
speak. "For your listening pleasure, I will perform an impromptu concert!" He smiled widely,
then burst into song, to the tune of the American carol "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer",
only... slightly different.
"Hartman has a real big THING
I think you know what I mean
Though Hartman may not look it
He is really quite obscene.
All of the other teachers
Used to slightly edge away
Because of his real big THING
He would want rolls in the hay!
Then one dark and stormy night
Students came to say,
'Hartman with your real big THING
Won't you-'"
"Shut up!" the subject of the song shouted. "Chiba Mamoru! Get of my class, and for the
love of God, stop that song!"
False-Mamoru grinned. "Okay!" He pranced out, satisfied. He had accomplished his goal.
***
Usagi's school was just getting out. She was walking out with two other girls, one brunette,
one blue-haired, talking and giggling intently. He ran up.
"Hi, Odango!" False-Mamoru shouted. "Fancy us meeting here!"
A look of pure horror crossed Usagi's face. "Oh God. It's you. Do you stalk me now?" Her two
friends looked up with interest.
"No!" False-Mamoru said. His permanent idiotic grin was still in place. "I just happened to be
passing by, and then I saw-" he stopped for dramatics- "My one true love!"
Usagi's two friends burst into hilarious, disbelieving giggles at this. "Wow, Usagi-chan!" the
brunette squealed.
"No, it's not what you think," Usagi told her friends. "It's just Mamoru-baka. He thinks he's
found another way to annoy me. Well, he's got another thing coming!" She started towards
False-Mamoru, fists clenched, but on the way, her school shoe caught on a crack on the
sidewalk. She tripped, screamed, "Not again!" and fell flat on her face at False-Mamoru's
feet.
"Wow, this is a nice position, Odango," False-Mamoru said, being deliberately suggestive. He
wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Usagi stumbled to her feet, outraged. She drew back her purse, shrieked, "EECHI!" at the
top of her lungs, and clobbered him a good one. He drew back, grabbed his face. Ow! His
face! His beautiful face! How dare she hurt his beautiful face! Ow! His beautiful face!
Oh, wait. It was this Mamoru guy's face, not his own beautiful one. Never mind. But still ow.
Ow!
Usagi stalked away, red and fuming, trailed by her two giggling friends. False-Mamoru now
recognized them as and Ami and Makoto. He vaguely knew them. Apparently they didn't
really like him, considered how they giggled at his plight. He was hit in the face! By a little
human girl! With her PURSE! The indignity! The trauma!
"You're paying for my therapy!" he called after the departing Odango, but she was out of
earshot by then. "Oh well. I won't be discouraged!" False-Mamoru shouted. Zoi was never
one to back away from a challenge, and he loved this new, responsibility-free life (though he
did miss his Kunzite-sama.) "I will have you, Odango! I will never give up! I still echo the
ancient battle cry! Ma-ke-nai! Ma-ke-nai!"
The students of Juuban Jr. High stared at him. "What's his problem?" one of the students
asked loudly.
"Ma-ke-nai!"
~The Dark Kingdom~
Kunzite and False-Zoisite appeared before Beryl. That is to say, Kunzite appeared before
Beryl. False-Zoisite appeared before a huge, tall, scary, monstrous, frightening, stunning,
traumatizing red-haired dominatrix beast in a horrible, scary, monstrous, traumatizing throne
room, full of toadying youma. "Gah!" he shrieked, and Kunzite glared at him.
Queen Beryl only looked amused. "Zoisite. Is there something wrong?" she asked. False-
Zoisite forced himself to look up at her. His mind once again shrieked Gah! but he managed
to keep his mouth silent this time.
"No, Queen Beryl-sama. Nothing wrong at all. Peachy. Positively." False-Zoisite babbled.
Kunzite elbowed him, glaring. "Stop acting like an idiot, Zoisite. You're making me look bad."
False-Zoisite winced.
"Very well," Beryl said, eyes still flickering with amusement. "Now that we've dealt with that
small and incredibly entertaining diversion, let's move on to why I called my two generals
here, shall I?"
"Whatever you see fit to do, Queen Beryl-sama," Kunzite said reverently. False-Zoisite
snickered under his breath, and Kunzite shot him a death glare.
"Very well. Metallia-sama has spoke to me again today. She has told me how pleased she is
of your recent victory. Apparently, the green crystal which you retrieved, Zoisite,
invigorates her. She is extremely pleased with its energy, and the two who got it for her.
She says that we can wait for a while before pursuing the next nijizuishou." She stopped for
a moment, then continued.
"I concur with our Great Leader's judgment. Waiting would put the Sailor Senshi and that
nuisance Tuxedo Kamen-" here Zoisite flinched almost unnoticeably, though Kunzite noticed-
"off their guard. So I am allowing the two of you a vacation. You are free to go to wherever
in the Dark Kingdom or the Earth Realm you please, and you may stay there until I summon
you. I trust you two will-" she raised an eyebrow- "Enjoy yourselves." Apparently, she was
perfectly aware of Kunzite and Zoisite's nocturnal activities.
Kunzite looked at False-Zoisite, and gave a rare smile, and moved ever-so-closer to False-
Zoisite.
Mamoru felt panicked. Possibly weeks alone in the middle of nowhere with Kunzite, no one
else around-
Oh no. Oh, no.
Kunzite put a hand on False-Zoisite's shoulder. "Come on, Zoisite. Let's go."
False-Zoisite ever-so-slightly edged away from the taller man. "Um, heh. Heh. Heh."
TBC.
Please review! Reviews motivate me to write more.
them, I'd be one happy author... but alas, it was not meant to be. Instead, I content myself
with fanfiction, and blindly hope for the day...
Summary- Mamoru and Zoisite have further... adventures in each other's bodies.
Author's Note- Thank you for the nice reviews. And yes, Usagi/Mamoru interaction is one of
the main themes of this story. If you also like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I suggest you read
one of my other stories, Out of Time, Out of World, which has many of the same themes,
only messing with time and Willow. Also- this chapter is a bit dirtier than the first, because
of Zoi's potty mouth. I still don't think it's enough to make it R, not by a long shot, though.
I'm just warning.
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Two
False-Mamoru pouted. He knew it didn't look the same in this annoying black-haired guy's
body, but it was too fundamental a habit for Zoi to stop doing it now. And the nerve of all
these stupid humans! Zoisite was starting to remember why he'd never given humans that
much thought before. Both the Odango and that Motoki. Their nerve! How could Motoki
refuse to serve him his tenth sundae? It was unbelievable.
And the Odango. How could she refuse his advances? Granted, he didn't have his old,
beautiful body, but this one was good-looking enough. Plus, he had his natural, charming
personality. And it wasn't like the Odango was exactly a stunner. False-Mamoru's pout
deepened, then he brightened. Odango may have won the battle, but not the war! Makenai!
He would never give up!
Where was he supposed to go? He hated to admit it, but he was kind of full for the moment.
He could get some more food later, when he wasn't so stuffed, but if he ate any more now,
he'd probably throw up. Ugh. He stopped a moment to steady himself.
Suddenly, he got an idea. That Motoki idea had said that he had classes. After a quick stop
at this Mamoru guy's apartment, he picked up a schedule. He didn't bother with any books.
They would have detracted from his plan, anyway.
He waltzed into his second class, British Literature, fifteen minutes late. The teacher, Mr.
Hartman was lecturing about something, and the students were quiet and attentive,
scribbling down notes as fast as they could. Naturally, False-Mamoru felt it his duty to
disturb this achievement of balance.
"Hello!" he called out, posing for a moment in the door before filing to the only empty desk.
He flashed one of the things he had seen someone in the Earth Realm do- the finger- before
plopping himself down. "I'm here, ready to absorb the knowledge!"
The entire class was gaping at him. What bookworms! Hadn't they ever done anything! He
grinned. The teacher frowned, lecture fully halted. "Mamoru-san, where are your books!"
False-Mamoru smirked. "I have a new motto!"
Mr. Hartman sighed, fully perturbed. Mamoru was normally a model student. "Yes?"
False-Mamoru flashed the finger again, and remained silent, grinning insanely. The teacher
sighed, and repeated his question. "Mamoru-san, where are your books?"
"My new motto is, what books!" False-Mamoru giggled loudly at his own lame joke. The
entire class was gaping at him. What had happened to reclusive, smart, studious Mamoru?
Was he on drugs, or something?
"Very well..." the teacher said, shuddering mentally. He would never understand his
students. The moment he thought he had them figured out, they acted so scarily out of
character, as Chiba Mamoru had just demonstrated. Then he remembered that he actually
did have a job, and continued his lecture. The students shot final, worried glances at False-
Mamoru, then resumed taking notes.
False-Mamoru was immediately bored. Also, he wanted to be the center of attention again.
Suddenly realizing what he could do, he leaned forward, towards the braided, glasses-
wearing girl in front of him. "Hey," he whispered. Then he leaned even closer and whispered
something in her ear that he had learned from Kunzite.
The entire class turned as the girl in front of False-Mamoru shrieked at the top of her lungs,
"Oh my god!" and jumped about three feet, still sitting. The girls' friends stared at Mamoru
accusingly. He flashed his best "I'm-such-an-innocent-little-angel" smile at them.
The teacher frowned. What was going on? Everything had been going fine until Mamoru came
in. He desperately resumed the lecture, unsure of what else to do. The students, still
puzzled and uneasy, didn't pay that much attention.
False-Mamoru was pleased with the effect he'd had. He leaned forward again. "Hey little
girl." He lowered his voice to a sultry whisper. "Ever sucked off a guy before?" She shook her
head, embarrassed beyond belief. "After class, wanna learn how?" He raised an eyebrow
suggestively.
The girl shrieked again, this time even louder. She jumped up from her seat and backed up
about five feet from Mamoru. "Professor," she called out frantically, "Can I switch seats with
someone?"
This time, Professor Hartman hadn't seen anything. He had been too busy writing on the
board. "Don't be silly, Reiko-san. Sit back down. I wish you'd stop interrupting my lecture."
Once again, he began to talk about the class' subject, British Lit, but no one was listening at
all. They were too busy gaping at Reiko and False-Mamoru.
Reiko returned to her seat, and eyed False-Mamoru with a suspicious glare. False-Mamoru
flashed another innocent smile. After a few minutes, when he hadn't tried anything, she
turned her attention back to literary devices. Suddenly, she felt False-Mamoru's cool tongue
lick her neck!
She screamed, "Aaaah!" and bolted from the classroom as fast as her legs could carry her.
She didn't even remember to pick up her books. Several other girls left after her, looking
concerned. Mamoru folded his hands, and grinned madly. This was FUN!
He was struck by inspiration at that point, and ignoring all rules of propriety got up on his
desk. Everyone stopped and stared at him. False-Mamoru gave a large bow, then began to
speak. "For your listening pleasure, I will perform an impromptu concert!" He smiled widely,
then burst into song, to the tune of the American carol "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer",
only... slightly different.
"Hartman has a real big THING
I think you know what I mean
Though Hartman may not look it
He is really quite obscene.
All of the other teachers
Used to slightly edge away
Because of his real big THING
He would want rolls in the hay!
Then one dark and stormy night
Students came to say,
'Hartman with your real big THING
Won't you-'"
"Shut up!" the subject of the song shouted. "Chiba Mamoru! Get of my class, and for the
love of God, stop that song!"
False-Mamoru grinned. "Okay!" He pranced out, satisfied. He had accomplished his goal.
***
Usagi's school was just getting out. She was walking out with two other girls, one brunette,
one blue-haired, talking and giggling intently. He ran up.
"Hi, Odango!" False-Mamoru shouted. "Fancy us meeting here!"
A look of pure horror crossed Usagi's face. "Oh God. It's you. Do you stalk me now?" Her two
friends looked up with interest.
"No!" False-Mamoru said. His permanent idiotic grin was still in place. "I just happened to be
passing by, and then I saw-" he stopped for dramatics- "My one true love!"
Usagi's two friends burst into hilarious, disbelieving giggles at this. "Wow, Usagi-chan!" the
brunette squealed.
"No, it's not what you think," Usagi told her friends. "It's just Mamoru-baka. He thinks he's
found another way to annoy me. Well, he's got another thing coming!" She started towards
False-Mamoru, fists clenched, but on the way, her school shoe caught on a crack on the
sidewalk. She tripped, screamed, "Not again!" and fell flat on her face at False-Mamoru's
feet.
"Wow, this is a nice position, Odango," False-Mamoru said, being deliberately suggestive. He
wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Usagi stumbled to her feet, outraged. She drew back her purse, shrieked, "EECHI!" at the
top of her lungs, and clobbered him a good one. He drew back, grabbed his face. Ow! His
face! His beautiful face! How dare she hurt his beautiful face! Ow! His beautiful face!
Oh, wait. It was this Mamoru guy's face, not his own beautiful one. Never mind. But still ow.
Ow!
Usagi stalked away, red and fuming, trailed by her two giggling friends. False-Mamoru now
recognized them as and Ami and Makoto. He vaguely knew them. Apparently they didn't
really like him, considered how they giggled at his plight. He was hit in the face! By a little
human girl! With her PURSE! The indignity! The trauma!
"You're paying for my therapy!" he called after the departing Odango, but she was out of
earshot by then. "Oh well. I won't be discouraged!" False-Mamoru shouted. Zoi was never
one to back away from a challenge, and he loved this new, responsibility-free life (though he
did miss his Kunzite-sama.) "I will have you, Odango! I will never give up! I still echo the
ancient battle cry! Ma-ke-nai! Ma-ke-nai!"
The students of Juuban Jr. High stared at him. "What's his problem?" one of the students
asked loudly.
"Ma-ke-nai!"
~The Dark Kingdom~
Kunzite and False-Zoisite appeared before Beryl. That is to say, Kunzite appeared before
Beryl. False-Zoisite appeared before a huge, tall, scary, monstrous, frightening, stunning,
traumatizing red-haired dominatrix beast in a horrible, scary, monstrous, traumatizing throne
room, full of toadying youma. "Gah!" he shrieked, and Kunzite glared at him.
Queen Beryl only looked amused. "Zoisite. Is there something wrong?" she asked. False-
Zoisite forced himself to look up at her. His mind once again shrieked Gah! but he managed
to keep his mouth silent this time.
"No, Queen Beryl-sama. Nothing wrong at all. Peachy. Positively." False-Zoisite babbled.
Kunzite elbowed him, glaring. "Stop acting like an idiot, Zoisite. You're making me look bad."
False-Zoisite winced.
"Very well," Beryl said, eyes still flickering with amusement. "Now that we've dealt with that
small and incredibly entertaining diversion, let's move on to why I called my two generals
here, shall I?"
"Whatever you see fit to do, Queen Beryl-sama," Kunzite said reverently. False-Zoisite
snickered under his breath, and Kunzite shot him a death glare.
"Very well. Metallia-sama has spoke to me again today. She has told me how pleased she is
of your recent victory. Apparently, the green crystal which you retrieved, Zoisite,
invigorates her. She is extremely pleased with its energy, and the two who got it for her.
She says that we can wait for a while before pursuing the next nijizuishou." She stopped for
a moment, then continued.
"I concur with our Great Leader's judgment. Waiting would put the Sailor Senshi and that
nuisance Tuxedo Kamen-" here Zoisite flinched almost unnoticeably, though Kunzite noticed-
"off their guard. So I am allowing the two of you a vacation. You are free to go to wherever
in the Dark Kingdom or the Earth Realm you please, and you may stay there until I summon
you. I trust you two will-" she raised an eyebrow- "Enjoy yourselves." Apparently, she was
perfectly aware of Kunzite and Zoisite's nocturnal activities.
Kunzite looked at False-Zoisite, and gave a rare smile, and moved ever-so-closer to False-
Zoisite.
Mamoru felt panicked. Possibly weeks alone in the middle of nowhere with Kunzite, no one
else around-
Oh no. Oh, no.
Kunzite put a hand on False-Zoisite's shoulder. "Come on, Zoisite. Let's go."
False-Zoisite ever-so-slightly edged away from the taller man. "Um, heh. Heh. Heh."
TBC.
Please review! Reviews motivate me to write more.