Disclaimer- I'm not Naoko Takeuchi. Actually, that should be Takeuchi Naoko, especially
since I write in the Japanese SM. And it does kind of make sense to put the family name
first, because that's really more important. But it is nice to have your first name first,
because that's more specific to you as an individual. With your family name first, it's like,
"Wah, they belong to family blah blah blah, so who cares who they are?" That would be
especially bad for women, who probably already have less rights in Japan, and... where was I
again? Aw, nevermind.
Summary- False-Zoisite and Kunzite's crazy misadventures coupled with False-Mamoru and Usagi's
crazy misadventures- Kidnaping! Darth Vader! Alchohol! Zoisite actually forced to take the
stairs! (gasp! oh, the horror! the angst!) All this, and much more wackiness soon to ensue.
Author's Note- I put my email address up! (Grins madly, doing a very good False-Mamoru
imitation...) That means if you have any really detailed comments, you can email me with
them, instead of putting them all in the review! (Can you say, Starbrigid's full of herself?)
Anyway, remember to review!
***
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Three
Mamoru's life was over.
Well, okay, maybe that was being a bit melodramatic. Okay, so it was being a lot
melodramatic. He was still living and breathing, though not living and breathing in the same
body. As far as he knew, all his loved ones were still alive-
He had loved ones?
Okay, good point.
Face it, Mamoru-kun, he told himself. And it was true. His family was dead, and the only
remotely close friend he had was Motoki.
And he still had his brain and his intelligence. But that was about as far as his luck went.
Because he was trapped in a vacation resort in the middle of the Dark Kingdom, with a
powerful and clearly very lusty Dark Kingdom Tennou, who thought that he was another
Tennou, and the aforementioned powerful lusty Tennou also happened to be this Tennou's
snuggle bunny.
False-Zoisite snuck a glance at the said snuggle-bunny. Kunzite's attention wasn't fixed on
him, for once. He was bent over a well-crafted stone table, pouring himself a glass of red
wine.
The real Zoisite would have made some sort of sarcastic remark about Kunzite drinking,
which would have been most certainly been related to the recently deceased King Nephrite.
But the REAL Zoisite wasn't present. Little known to Mamoru (False-Zoisite), the REAL
Zoisite was trying to chat up Tsukino Usagi. It was actually pretty lucky Mamoru didn't know.
If he had found out, he most likely would have been pushed over the edge and gone
completely insane.
False-Zoisite sent one last cautious glance over at Kunzite, who appeared to be- grooming
his long white hair? then snuck away as quietly as he could. Okay, hiding was the most
viable option. He could handle that. Couldn't he?
The trouble was, he had no idea what the layout of the resort was. He found himself quickly,
hopelessly lost in a large stone room. There was a big device in the middle of it which looked
kind of like a shower in its shape. There was a door to open and close it.
Against his better judgment, False-Zoisite crept towards it, then walked into it. On closer
inspection, it appeared to be a device that could transform your clothes into any form you
wanted, with magic. Weird. Really weird. Especially for such an EEEVIL realm. He mentally
shrugged, then began to program the machine. This was probably as good a place to hide
from Kunzite as any, and besides, he had a fun idea. Mamoru had been a bright, inquisitive
child, and his investigations of popular culture hadn't been limited to just Japan, but also the
United States. This was reflected in the clothes that donned False-Zoisite's slender form as
he finally stepped out of the machine.
False-Zoisite was thrilled to discover a full-length mirror in the corner of the room. He placed
himself before it, then burst into laughter. "I look- wow!" he managed to choke out in
between his laughter. And indeed, the second-ranked Shitennou's body did make a
surprisingly good Darth Vader.
You have to understand here. Mamoru had kept himself under control practically all the time.
He was very reserved, and rarely had any fun. Something had burst inside Mamoru at that
point, and he overcompensated. He had... a little TOO much fun.
Thrilled by this new opportunity, he tried out some of Darth Vader's trademark heavy
breathing. It sounded really good to him. "Hoo-pah," he breathed menacingly. "Hoo-pah.
Hoo-pah."
Suddenly he was struck by a wonderful idea. He began to parade around the large room,
singing Darth Vader's theme music rather loudly. "Dah dah dah, duh dahdah, duh dahdah!
Dah dah dah, DUH dahdah, DUH dahdah! Dah dah dah duh dahdahdahdahdah dah dah,
dahdahdahdahdah dah dah, DUH dahdah, DUH dahdah!" He laughed out loud before
continuing on his song.
This was great! He hadn't had this wonderful time in what seemed like forever! "Dah dah dah,
duh dahdah, duh dahdah-"
"Zoisite, what in Metallia's name are you doing?" Kunzite stood in the doorway, silhouetted in
the dim, magically created light. He had seen a good deal of the show, and he was NOT
AMUSED.
***
"And you should NOT imitate human cultural phenomena! I am your sensei and your master,
Zoisite, and you will obey me!" Finally finished his speech, the red-faced Ice King looked
down to see how much of it his lover had absorbed.
False-Zoisite was fast asleep. He was snoring lightly, and drool was leaking from his mouth
onto the sofa he had collapsed on.
Any lesser man would have completely lost it then, but Kunzite was no mere mortal. He was
the highest-ranking of the Shitennou, the head of Beryl's hierarchy. He was the most
powerful man in the entire Dark Kingdom, and furthermore, he was renowned for his
emotional control.
To sum that lengthy statement up, Kunzite completely lost it.
"Metallia-sama! What the hell is wrong with you, Zoi!" Kunzite roared. It was so loud that it
caused the deeply slumbering False-Zoisite to wake up, yawning.
"Did you say something?" False-Zoisite yawned.
Kunzite put his head in his hands. Sometimes he thought his student was hopeless. "Never
mind, Zoisite. If you wish, you may go back to your foolish game." He didn't actually mean
the last statement. It was a test.
"Okay." Which False-Zoisite had failed.
"Stop!" Kunzite called. His expression turned frosty, and he thoroughly showed why he had
gained his title of Ice King. "You will stay. You've angered me, Zoisite, with all your foolish,
careless behavior today."
"Very well," False-Zoisite said. He looked up bravely, Tuxedo Kamen showing through. "Give
me my punishment."
Kunzite blinked, startled. What was going on? Zoisite was just bravely accepting his
reprimand? Normally, he would pout and whine and beg for a good deal before giving in. It
was one of his definitive character flaws, along with his impatience and ditziness, both of
which he had been demonstrating fully today. But to just give in, so honorably?
What was going on? Kunzite's eyes narrowed. "Zoisite? Is there something you're not telling
me?"
~Tokyo~
False-Mamoru strolled along the street. After his encounter with Odango, he had gone and
eaten another sickening amount of ice cream, and he had felt even better. Now, the sky was
beginning to darken, and he had decided to return to his apartment. He needed to change
his clothes- his shirt was stained with chocolate ice cream.
He began to whistle, in a thoroughly good mood. His day had been fun, and gone extremely
well. It was easy to forget that he was a Dark Kingdom Shitennou with a dangerous,
dominating lover and a mission of destruction, and just think he was a carefree young man,
with a humble, peaceful mission of getting the girl and annoying everyone in sight.
Once he had arrived at his apartment building, he walked into the lobby, then pressed the up
button on the elevator. It lit up, but after several minutes of waiting, no elevator had come.
False-Mamoru gritted his teeth, then cast a doubtful glance at the stairs. His apartment was
pretty high up. Should he risk the physical exertion of taking the stairs, or risk waiting for the
elevator forever?
After another minute of waiting, his decision was made. Sighing heavily, False-Mamoru made
his way up the stairs. To his surprise, climbing up them was easy. He wasn't winded or
sweaty or tired at all after it. Rather, he felt invigorated, like he could still run a marathon.
Wow. It was weird. He was used to any sort of physical activity being horribly taxing, but
this body was strong.
He walked to his apartment and unlocked the door. He filed into its immaculate interior, then
slammed the door, enjoying the loud bang it made. He was free! Free! He felt like running
around screaming, "I'm alive! I'm alive!"
He WAS alive. Smiling, he pulled his dirty shirt off (whoa, he looked really good shirtless) and
bounded up the stairs to get another one. He picked a black silk one that actually looked
pretty sexy on him, then put on a pair of black leather pants, stuffed in the back of the
closet. They screamed, "Gift I've been too embarrassed to wear ever since I got it!"
False-Mamoru grinned approvingly, then pulled his shoes off, along with his boring black
slacks, and pulled the leather pants on. They fit like a second skin. He looked dead sexy in
them. I have a really cute butt, he thought.
He stood up, grabbed a leather jacket from the closet, and stuffed his wallet in it. Then he
turned off the lights in his apartment and left. It was time to win the Odango's heart.
***
False-Mamoru watched stealthily, Ferrari hidden behind the corner of the road. Ah, yes!
Success! The Odango was walking across the sidewalk, unaccompanied and unarmed. He
noted (and his body noted, too) that she was wearing a quite delectable pink miniskirt. Time
for action.
He wasn't really sure what he was doing. The Zoisite he remembered himself as being
would have never acted so forwardly in pursuing a relationship, especially with a GIRL. And why
was he being so downright silly and carefree? All he knew, though, was that this body seemed to
want and care for the Odango. And maybe he deserved a break. Maybe he couldn't always be the
crack Dark Kingdom General, trying to beat Nephrite and gain Beryl's favor and kill the senshi
and make Kunzite think him worthy. Maybe he just needed to be himself.
False-Mamoru sprang out of his car and grabbed the unwary Usagi around the waist. He
opened the door to the backseat, threw her into it, then slammed the door and jumped into
the driver's seat. Operating on pure adrenaline, he leaned over, and lightning-fast, pressed
the button to lock all the doors.
Usagi's eyes opened wide, and she gasped, as False-Mamoru's foot hit the gas pedal and the
car roared away from her house.
"Oh my god! Mamoru-baka, what in the world are you doing?" She was disbelieving, and also
disgusted. Mamoru was just going too far this time! She desperately wanted to hit him over
the head for the third time today, but this time, she couldn't run away. And, though she was
much less willing to admit it, he did look sexy as hell in those leather pants.
False-Mamoru flashed her a winning, seductive smile. "Why, Odango, how could you forget
about our date?"
Usagi's brow furrowed? "There- there was a date?" She wished she didn't sound so 'naive
schoolgirl'. "And don't call me Odango!" she called out, feeling the need to push out a cheap
shot to validate herself.
"I'll call you what I want, Odango!" he said. He winked, blew her a kiss, and Usagi hated him.
She hated him for making fun of her and her hair, she hated him for kidnaping her, and most of
all, she hated him for how he looked in those leather pants.
"Let me go, you jerk!" she shrieked, remembering her hostility towards her captor and the rather
desperate situation she was in.
False-Mamoru shook his head. "No," he said emphatically. "Tonight, Odango, you are going
out on the night of your life!
***
TBC.
Don't forget to review!
since I write in the Japanese SM. And it does kind of make sense to put the family name
first, because that's really more important. But it is nice to have your first name first,
because that's more specific to you as an individual. With your family name first, it's like,
"Wah, they belong to family blah blah blah, so who cares who they are?" That would be
especially bad for women, who probably already have less rights in Japan, and... where was I
again? Aw, nevermind.
Summary- False-Zoisite and Kunzite's crazy misadventures coupled with False-Mamoru and Usagi's
crazy misadventures- Kidnaping! Darth Vader! Alchohol! Zoisite actually forced to take the
stairs! (gasp! oh, the horror! the angst!) All this, and much more wackiness soon to ensue.
Author's Note- I put my email address up! (Grins madly, doing a very good False-Mamoru
imitation...) That means if you have any really detailed comments, you can email me with
them, instead of putting them all in the review! (Can you say, Starbrigid's full of herself?)
Anyway, remember to review!
***
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Three
Mamoru's life was over.
Well, okay, maybe that was being a bit melodramatic. Okay, so it was being a lot
melodramatic. He was still living and breathing, though not living and breathing in the same
body. As far as he knew, all his loved ones were still alive-
He had loved ones?
Okay, good point.
Face it, Mamoru-kun, he told himself. And it was true. His family was dead, and the only
remotely close friend he had was Motoki.
And he still had his brain and his intelligence. But that was about as far as his luck went.
Because he was trapped in a vacation resort in the middle of the Dark Kingdom, with a
powerful and clearly very lusty Dark Kingdom Tennou, who thought that he was another
Tennou, and the aforementioned powerful lusty Tennou also happened to be this Tennou's
snuggle bunny.
False-Zoisite snuck a glance at the said snuggle-bunny. Kunzite's attention wasn't fixed on
him, for once. He was bent over a well-crafted stone table, pouring himself a glass of red
wine.
The real Zoisite would have made some sort of sarcastic remark about Kunzite drinking,
which would have been most certainly been related to the recently deceased King Nephrite.
But the REAL Zoisite wasn't present. Little known to Mamoru (False-Zoisite), the REAL
Zoisite was trying to chat up Tsukino Usagi. It was actually pretty lucky Mamoru didn't know.
If he had found out, he most likely would have been pushed over the edge and gone
completely insane.
False-Zoisite sent one last cautious glance over at Kunzite, who appeared to be- grooming
his long white hair? then snuck away as quietly as he could. Okay, hiding was the most
viable option. He could handle that. Couldn't he?
The trouble was, he had no idea what the layout of the resort was. He found himself quickly,
hopelessly lost in a large stone room. There was a big device in the middle of it which looked
kind of like a shower in its shape. There was a door to open and close it.
Against his better judgment, False-Zoisite crept towards it, then walked into it. On closer
inspection, it appeared to be a device that could transform your clothes into any form you
wanted, with magic. Weird. Really weird. Especially for such an EEEVIL realm. He mentally
shrugged, then began to program the machine. This was probably as good a place to hide
from Kunzite as any, and besides, he had a fun idea. Mamoru had been a bright, inquisitive
child, and his investigations of popular culture hadn't been limited to just Japan, but also the
United States. This was reflected in the clothes that donned False-Zoisite's slender form as
he finally stepped out of the machine.
False-Zoisite was thrilled to discover a full-length mirror in the corner of the room. He placed
himself before it, then burst into laughter. "I look- wow!" he managed to choke out in
between his laughter. And indeed, the second-ranked Shitennou's body did make a
surprisingly good Darth Vader.
You have to understand here. Mamoru had kept himself under control practically all the time.
He was very reserved, and rarely had any fun. Something had burst inside Mamoru at that
point, and he overcompensated. He had... a little TOO much fun.
Thrilled by this new opportunity, he tried out some of Darth Vader's trademark heavy
breathing. It sounded really good to him. "Hoo-pah," he breathed menacingly. "Hoo-pah.
Hoo-pah."
Suddenly he was struck by a wonderful idea. He began to parade around the large room,
singing Darth Vader's theme music rather loudly. "Dah dah dah, duh dahdah, duh dahdah!
Dah dah dah, DUH dahdah, DUH dahdah! Dah dah dah duh dahdahdahdahdah dah dah,
dahdahdahdahdah dah dah, DUH dahdah, DUH dahdah!" He laughed out loud before
continuing on his song.
This was great! He hadn't had this wonderful time in what seemed like forever! "Dah dah dah,
duh dahdah, duh dahdah-"
"Zoisite, what in Metallia's name are you doing?" Kunzite stood in the doorway, silhouetted in
the dim, magically created light. He had seen a good deal of the show, and he was NOT
AMUSED.
***
"And you should NOT imitate human cultural phenomena! I am your sensei and your master,
Zoisite, and you will obey me!" Finally finished his speech, the red-faced Ice King looked
down to see how much of it his lover had absorbed.
False-Zoisite was fast asleep. He was snoring lightly, and drool was leaking from his mouth
onto the sofa he had collapsed on.
Any lesser man would have completely lost it then, but Kunzite was no mere mortal. He was
the highest-ranking of the Shitennou, the head of Beryl's hierarchy. He was the most
powerful man in the entire Dark Kingdom, and furthermore, he was renowned for his
emotional control.
To sum that lengthy statement up, Kunzite completely lost it.
"Metallia-sama! What the hell is wrong with you, Zoi!" Kunzite roared. It was so loud that it
caused the deeply slumbering False-Zoisite to wake up, yawning.
"Did you say something?" False-Zoisite yawned.
Kunzite put his head in his hands. Sometimes he thought his student was hopeless. "Never
mind, Zoisite. If you wish, you may go back to your foolish game." He didn't actually mean
the last statement. It was a test.
"Okay." Which False-Zoisite had failed.
"Stop!" Kunzite called. His expression turned frosty, and he thoroughly showed why he had
gained his title of Ice King. "You will stay. You've angered me, Zoisite, with all your foolish,
careless behavior today."
"Very well," False-Zoisite said. He looked up bravely, Tuxedo Kamen showing through. "Give
me my punishment."
Kunzite blinked, startled. What was going on? Zoisite was just bravely accepting his
reprimand? Normally, he would pout and whine and beg for a good deal before giving in. It
was one of his definitive character flaws, along with his impatience and ditziness, both of
which he had been demonstrating fully today. But to just give in, so honorably?
What was going on? Kunzite's eyes narrowed. "Zoisite? Is there something you're not telling
me?"
~Tokyo~
False-Mamoru strolled along the street. After his encounter with Odango, he had gone and
eaten another sickening amount of ice cream, and he had felt even better. Now, the sky was
beginning to darken, and he had decided to return to his apartment. He needed to change
his clothes- his shirt was stained with chocolate ice cream.
He began to whistle, in a thoroughly good mood. His day had been fun, and gone extremely
well. It was easy to forget that he was a Dark Kingdom Shitennou with a dangerous,
dominating lover and a mission of destruction, and just think he was a carefree young man,
with a humble, peaceful mission of getting the girl and annoying everyone in sight.
Once he had arrived at his apartment building, he walked into the lobby, then pressed the up
button on the elevator. It lit up, but after several minutes of waiting, no elevator had come.
False-Mamoru gritted his teeth, then cast a doubtful glance at the stairs. His apartment was
pretty high up. Should he risk the physical exertion of taking the stairs, or risk waiting for the
elevator forever?
After another minute of waiting, his decision was made. Sighing heavily, False-Mamoru made
his way up the stairs. To his surprise, climbing up them was easy. He wasn't winded or
sweaty or tired at all after it. Rather, he felt invigorated, like he could still run a marathon.
Wow. It was weird. He was used to any sort of physical activity being horribly taxing, but
this body was strong.
He walked to his apartment and unlocked the door. He filed into its immaculate interior, then
slammed the door, enjoying the loud bang it made. He was free! Free! He felt like running
around screaming, "I'm alive! I'm alive!"
He WAS alive. Smiling, he pulled his dirty shirt off (whoa, he looked really good shirtless) and
bounded up the stairs to get another one. He picked a black silk one that actually looked
pretty sexy on him, then put on a pair of black leather pants, stuffed in the back of the
closet. They screamed, "Gift I've been too embarrassed to wear ever since I got it!"
False-Mamoru grinned approvingly, then pulled his shoes off, along with his boring black
slacks, and pulled the leather pants on. They fit like a second skin. He looked dead sexy in
them. I have a really cute butt, he thought.
He stood up, grabbed a leather jacket from the closet, and stuffed his wallet in it. Then he
turned off the lights in his apartment and left. It was time to win the Odango's heart.
***
False-Mamoru watched stealthily, Ferrari hidden behind the corner of the road. Ah, yes!
Success! The Odango was walking across the sidewalk, unaccompanied and unarmed. He
noted (and his body noted, too) that she was wearing a quite delectable pink miniskirt. Time
for action.
He wasn't really sure what he was doing. The Zoisite he remembered himself as being
would have never acted so forwardly in pursuing a relationship, especially with a GIRL. And why
was he being so downright silly and carefree? All he knew, though, was that this body seemed to
want and care for the Odango. And maybe he deserved a break. Maybe he couldn't always be the
crack Dark Kingdom General, trying to beat Nephrite and gain Beryl's favor and kill the senshi
and make Kunzite think him worthy. Maybe he just needed to be himself.
False-Mamoru sprang out of his car and grabbed the unwary Usagi around the waist. He
opened the door to the backseat, threw her into it, then slammed the door and jumped into
the driver's seat. Operating on pure adrenaline, he leaned over, and lightning-fast, pressed
the button to lock all the doors.
Usagi's eyes opened wide, and she gasped, as False-Mamoru's foot hit the gas pedal and the
car roared away from her house.
"Oh my god! Mamoru-baka, what in the world are you doing?" She was disbelieving, and also
disgusted. Mamoru was just going too far this time! She desperately wanted to hit him over
the head for the third time today, but this time, she couldn't run away. And, though she was
much less willing to admit it, he did look sexy as hell in those leather pants.
False-Mamoru flashed her a winning, seductive smile. "Why, Odango, how could you forget
about our date?"
Usagi's brow furrowed? "There- there was a date?" She wished she didn't sound so 'naive
schoolgirl'. "And don't call me Odango!" she called out, feeling the need to push out a cheap
shot to validate herself.
"I'll call you what I want, Odango!" he said. He winked, blew her a kiss, and Usagi hated him.
She hated him for making fun of her and her hair, she hated him for kidnaping her, and most of
all, she hated him for how he looked in those leather pants.
"Let me go, you jerk!" she shrieked, remembering her hostility towards her captor and the rather
desperate situation she was in.
False-Mamoru shook his head. "No," he said emphatically. "Tonight, Odango, you are going
out on the night of your life!
***
TBC.
Don't forget to review!