Disclaimer- Sailormoon. It belongs to ME! My shrink says it doesn't, and so does everyone
else, though... but I'm not insane! They all are!
Author's Note- We move into more serious matters. But don't worry, plenty of comical
mishaps soon to ensue! Keep those reviews coming!
***
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Five
Kunzite and False-Zoisite appeared in Kunzite and Zoisite's chambers. False-Zoisite flopped
down onto the bed, confused beyond belief. "Okay, Kunzite-sama, what the hell are we
going to do?"
Kunzite's brow furrowed. "Beryl-sama's orders certainly do complicate things."
"So?" False-Zoisite asked. He propped his chin up with his hand, awaiting Kunzite's response.
Kunzite noted how odd it was. Despite it being Tuxedo Kamen in there, it felt like it was
completely Zoi.
"Well," the Ice King said slowly, "My assessment of the situation is that we continue on with
the plans we established before. We go to the Earth Realm, find Zoisite in your body, and
the three of us together try to figure out what happened and switch you two back. We're
just going to have to ignore Beryl-sama's orders to search for the nijizuishou, and hope that
she doesn't figure out what's going on."
"Wow," False-Zoisite blinked. "You're smart. How come the sailor senshi always kick you
guys' asses?"
Kunzite sighed, annoyed. "Zoi- no, Tuxedo Kamen, I suggest that we begin our course of
action."
"Of course," False-Zoisite agreed. "Teleport us there."
Kunzite assented, and began to. But then False-Zoi suddenly stopped him. "Wait. Shouldn't
we wear normal clothes?"
"Yes," Kunzite agreed. He snapped his fingers, and they were both clad in t-shirts and jeans.
Kunzite's T-shirt was grey, and False-Zoisite's was green. False-Zoi noted that while he
looked natural, Kunzite looked strange and awkward. And...
"Um, Kunzite-sama?" False-Zoi began hesitantly. "I don't know how often you and Zoisite go
to Tokyo, but I speak from experience here, because I kind of live there. And guys there
generally don't go around wearing capes. Especially with jeans."
"You're one to talk," Kunzite retorted, angry at having his much-loved cape insulted. "When
you're in your own body, Kamen, you have a cape."
"But I don't wear it all the time," False-Zoisite informed him. "I mean, obviously, I'm not
Tuxedo Kamen all the time. I'm usually just a normal guy. And you're my enemy and trying to
kill me normally so why am I telling you all this?"
Kunzite smirked. "Maybe because you're starting to feel some of the-" his hand snaked down
to an unmentionable place- "intimacy-" it snaked down further- "Zoi-chan and I share."
False-Zoisite jumped about twenty feet back, scarlet red, though Zoisite's body had
suddenly become as horny as hell. Kunzite sat on the bed, cool and reserved as you please.
Bastard.
"Um, heh heh... less with the naughty touching, more with the mission, like you said,
maybe?" False-Zoisite panted, nervous.
Kunzite smirked again. Damn icy BASTARD. "If that's what you want, Zoi-chan." Then he
walked up to where False-Zoi was cowering, took him by the green-clad shoulder, and they
teleported into the Earth Realm.
In the middle of the busy streets of Tokyo. And there was a bus, heading straight for them.
"Gah!" False-Zoi shrieked. Kunzite rolled his eyes, and they reappeared on the sidewalk. The
passerby didn't even stop, completely uninterested. They saw short-skirted teenage girls
battle monsters daily. There was nothing left to surprise them.
"So," Kunzite asked, sounding bored, "Where do you think your body would be at this time?"
False-Zoisite shrugged. "It's not my personality. It's Zoisite in there. You're the one who
knows him." Kunzite got a funny look on his face. "So, where would he be? I mean, you
should know? You are his lover."
Kunzite frowned. "I think that..." he shook his head. "I don't know."
False-Zoisite sighed. "Well, can you use your magic to track him?"
"I guess I can," Kunzite said. "It will be a bit harder because his self and body have different
identities, but I think I can manage."
"Well, then I guess you should do that," False-Zoisite said pointedly.
"You are incredibly unpleasant to work with, and I will be ecstatic when Zoisite is back in
there," Kunzite growled.
False-Zoisite smirked. "Aw, you're just cranky 'cause I'm not giving you sex."
"Shut up."
***
Usagi walked into Ms. Haruna's homeroom, lugging her school bag. For once, she was
actually on time, maybe even a little bit early. She was very happy about it. She should
have remembered Murphy's Law (even though she had no idea who Murphy was and what
kind of law he'd make) and realized something would go wrong.
She walked over to her desk, dragging her bag of books with her. She glanced over at a
giggling Naru, then realized something was horribly off. Her chair wasn't empty as it should
be. It was occupied by Chiba Mamoru.
"Ah! Odango!" False-Mamoru exclaimed regally. He jumped to his feet and bowed. "My love!"
Usagi's eyes widened. What the hell was Mamoru-baka doing? And her whole class was
seeing it, too! "Go away, Mamoru-baka!"
"Don't be so mean to him, Usagi-chan," Naru said reprovingly. "He may be Mamoru-baka, but
he still is totally hot."
"Yeah," another girl chimed in. "Usagi, you're lucky! Don't waste it."
False-Mamoru sent Usagi his most charming smile. "Please, Odango Atama. Just give me a
chance, and you'll see that I'm really someone you could learn to love." Aside from the
Odango Atama part, it was a direct quote from a romantic movie he'd seen on TV last night.
"No!" Usagi shouted. "You're stupid! I don't like you!" She turned her head away from False-
Mamoru, but she could feel her resolve weakening. It was all because of how he'd worn
those leather pants again...
False-Mamoru put a hand to his heart, the appearance of hurt and shock. "Don't say that!"
he called out, and then he got to his knees before her. "Odango Atama, will you marry me?"
he belted out dramatically. Inwardly giggling. Oh Metallia-sama, this was so FUN, to be able
to not have to worry about anything. No shiny crystals and evil bitch queens chopping off
your head.
Usagi gaped at him, speechless. "Oh my god..." she breathed, completely shocked. On the
other side of the room, she could see Ami and Makoto, staring, also looking thrown.
"Please..." False-Mamoru said, and he could feel that something in him meant those words.
There was something about this silly, inconsequential little girl, who he'd pursued for his own
amusement, just because of his body, even though he didn't even LIKE girls. There was
something THERE, something, something that could make him worthy, and complete, and-
and- important....
It wasn't love, or physical attraction, or anything silly like that. It wasn't even redemption
that this girl could offer him. It was acceptance.
He sighed, and inwardly he was rolling on the floor. He wondered if she'd make a pretty
corpse. "What's your answer, Odango..."
***
"Where are you taking us?" False-Zoisite asked.
"I've pinpointed Zoisite in your body to a specific location," Kunzite explained. "I've locked in
on it, and I can teleport us there now."
"Okay," False-Zoisite nodded. "Now."
Silver light flashed before their eyes, and then they were in a classroom, obviously junior
high or high school by the students that occupied it. Their teacher was standing near the
door, giggling slightly. All the kids were gaping at some sight. Kunzite and False-Zoi both
peered to see what it was, then they both froze at the sight that greeted them.
At the center of attention was a short, blonde, blue-eyed schoolgirl, wide-eyed and
innocent. A handsome, dark-haired, strong-looking man, obviously Tuxedo Kamen's human
form, knelt before her, face tilted up towards her.
"Will you marry me, Odango?" they heard False-Mamoru's voice ring out clearly. "What's your
answer?"
False-Zoi gaped, uncomprehending. His foe and the Odango Atama? "No. Fucking. Way." He
allowed himself that indulgence, then glanced at his white-haired companion. The Ice King
was silent. False-Zoisite quickly glanced around, then grabbed Kunzite and pulled him out of
the room before they could be spotted.
"I don't understand," Kunzite said quietly. "Zoisite..."
"The girl, the one he called Odango?" False-Zoisite broke in. "I know her. Her name's Usagi.
We were mortal enemies."
Kunzite's voice was laced with bitterness. "Did you love her, too?"
"Zoisite can't mean his offer," False-Zoisite said. "I mean, he's probably just doing it for a
joke or something, right?" He bit his lip. "Or maybe to hurt her. I know just from fighting him
that he was sadistic. Maybe he thought-"
False-Zoisite stopped and watched, breath held, as Kunzite left him and walked into Ms.
Haruna's homeroom. He peered around the edge of the wall. Kunzite was crossing, looking
strangled, and then he leaned over and cleared his throat.
False-Mamoru got up, swirled, and saw Kunzite. The look on his face was quite comical.
"Kunzite-sama?"
"Who's this, Mamoru-baka?" Usagi asked doubtfully. She was just too confused by then.
"Kamen in your body and I came. Beryl-sama ordered us to find the nijizuishou, but we had
to switch you two back first, so I, located you, and-" The words tumbled out of Kunzite, and
he bit his lip, facing Tuxedo Kamen's body, but he knew it was Zoisite, could tell by the way
he tilted his head, the way he bit his lip, the way he said Kunzite-sama, the way those eyes
sparkled. It didn't matter that they were midnight blue instead of their normal gorgeous, vivid
emerald green.
False-Mamoru shrugged. "Ano, okay. Can't wait to get back in my body."
"Then what was-" Kunzite jabbed his hand in Usagi's direction.
"Okay, what in the world is going on!" Usagi shouted.
Ms. Haruna was suddenly at her side. She faced False-Mamoru and Kunzite. "Excuse me,
sirs, but you'll have to be going. Now."
"No," Kunzite said firmly. "You can't tell me what to do."
"I certainly can," the teacher said, face reddening. "This is my classroom, and if I say you
will get out, you'll get out! NOW! And Usagi, go with them! If you want to bring your freak
male friends to class, you soon won't have a class to bring them to!"
Usagi winced, then, having had experience with Ms. Haruna's true wrath, took False-
Mamoru's arm and dragged him out of the classroom. Kunzite followed, looking doubtful.
Then, Usagi closed the door behind them. "Okay, Mamoru-baka, and whoever you are," she
said, pointing to Kunzite, "Why do you have to ruin my life?" she moaned, breaking off. "It's
not like things aren't hard enough..."
"What problems could you have? You're just some preppy blonde ditz," Kunzite said coldly,
eyes flicking between her and False-Mamoru. False-Mamoru didn't appear to care how his
lover was treating the girl he'd just proposed to, rolling his eyes, looking bored, and checking
Chiba-san's watch.
False-Zoi stepped out from his hiding place. "Kunzite-sama? Have you found him yet?"
Several things happened at this point. Kunzite remained unmoved, but False-Mamoru gaped
at the sight of Tuxedo Kamen in his own body. This was nothing, however, to Usagi's
reaction. The Odango Atama let out a long, high-pitched shriek. "Oh my god. ZOISITE?"
Her eyes darted around after this remarkable pronouncement. "Mamoru-baka, and you,
Kunnie or whatever your name is. Run. You don't know what you're dealing with. He's
dangerous!"
Neither of them ran. Instead, all three of them stared at the small blonde girl in their midst,
both False-Zoisite's and False-Mamoru's jaws dropping to the ground. Kunzite, however, was
calm. His eyes narrowed, and he stared at Usagi penetratingly.
"You. Girl. How do you know who Zoisite is?"
TBC.
Don't forget to review!
else, though... but I'm not insane! They all are!
Author's Note- We move into more serious matters. But don't worry, plenty of comical
mishaps soon to ensue! Keep those reviews coming!
***
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Five
Kunzite and False-Zoisite appeared in Kunzite and Zoisite's chambers. False-Zoisite flopped
down onto the bed, confused beyond belief. "Okay, Kunzite-sama, what the hell are we
going to do?"
Kunzite's brow furrowed. "Beryl-sama's orders certainly do complicate things."
"So?" False-Zoisite asked. He propped his chin up with his hand, awaiting Kunzite's response.
Kunzite noted how odd it was. Despite it being Tuxedo Kamen in there, it felt like it was
completely Zoi.
"Well," the Ice King said slowly, "My assessment of the situation is that we continue on with
the plans we established before. We go to the Earth Realm, find Zoisite in your body, and
the three of us together try to figure out what happened and switch you two back. We're
just going to have to ignore Beryl-sama's orders to search for the nijizuishou, and hope that
she doesn't figure out what's going on."
"Wow," False-Zoisite blinked. "You're smart. How come the sailor senshi always kick you
guys' asses?"
Kunzite sighed, annoyed. "Zoi- no, Tuxedo Kamen, I suggest that we begin our course of
action."
"Of course," False-Zoisite agreed. "Teleport us there."
Kunzite assented, and began to. But then False-Zoi suddenly stopped him. "Wait. Shouldn't
we wear normal clothes?"
"Yes," Kunzite agreed. He snapped his fingers, and they were both clad in t-shirts and jeans.
Kunzite's T-shirt was grey, and False-Zoisite's was green. False-Zoi noted that while he
looked natural, Kunzite looked strange and awkward. And...
"Um, Kunzite-sama?" False-Zoi began hesitantly. "I don't know how often you and Zoisite go
to Tokyo, but I speak from experience here, because I kind of live there. And guys there
generally don't go around wearing capes. Especially with jeans."
"You're one to talk," Kunzite retorted, angry at having his much-loved cape insulted. "When
you're in your own body, Kamen, you have a cape."
"But I don't wear it all the time," False-Zoisite informed him. "I mean, obviously, I'm not
Tuxedo Kamen all the time. I'm usually just a normal guy. And you're my enemy and trying to
kill me normally so why am I telling you all this?"
Kunzite smirked. "Maybe because you're starting to feel some of the-" his hand snaked down
to an unmentionable place- "intimacy-" it snaked down further- "Zoi-chan and I share."
False-Zoisite jumped about twenty feet back, scarlet red, though Zoisite's body had
suddenly become as horny as hell. Kunzite sat on the bed, cool and reserved as you please.
Bastard.
"Um, heh heh... less with the naughty touching, more with the mission, like you said,
maybe?" False-Zoisite panted, nervous.
Kunzite smirked again. Damn icy BASTARD. "If that's what you want, Zoi-chan." Then he
walked up to where False-Zoi was cowering, took him by the green-clad shoulder, and they
teleported into the Earth Realm.
In the middle of the busy streets of Tokyo. And there was a bus, heading straight for them.
"Gah!" False-Zoi shrieked. Kunzite rolled his eyes, and they reappeared on the sidewalk. The
passerby didn't even stop, completely uninterested. They saw short-skirted teenage girls
battle monsters daily. There was nothing left to surprise them.
"So," Kunzite asked, sounding bored, "Where do you think your body would be at this time?"
False-Zoisite shrugged. "It's not my personality. It's Zoisite in there. You're the one who
knows him." Kunzite got a funny look on his face. "So, where would he be? I mean, you
should know? You are his lover."
Kunzite frowned. "I think that..." he shook his head. "I don't know."
False-Zoisite sighed. "Well, can you use your magic to track him?"
"I guess I can," Kunzite said. "It will be a bit harder because his self and body have different
identities, but I think I can manage."
"Well, then I guess you should do that," False-Zoisite said pointedly.
"You are incredibly unpleasant to work with, and I will be ecstatic when Zoisite is back in
there," Kunzite growled.
False-Zoisite smirked. "Aw, you're just cranky 'cause I'm not giving you sex."
"Shut up."
***
Usagi walked into Ms. Haruna's homeroom, lugging her school bag. For once, she was
actually on time, maybe even a little bit early. She was very happy about it. She should
have remembered Murphy's Law (even though she had no idea who Murphy was and what
kind of law he'd make) and realized something would go wrong.
She walked over to her desk, dragging her bag of books with her. She glanced over at a
giggling Naru, then realized something was horribly off. Her chair wasn't empty as it should
be. It was occupied by Chiba Mamoru.
"Ah! Odango!" False-Mamoru exclaimed regally. He jumped to his feet and bowed. "My love!"
Usagi's eyes widened. What the hell was Mamoru-baka doing? And her whole class was
seeing it, too! "Go away, Mamoru-baka!"
"Don't be so mean to him, Usagi-chan," Naru said reprovingly. "He may be Mamoru-baka, but
he still is totally hot."
"Yeah," another girl chimed in. "Usagi, you're lucky! Don't waste it."
False-Mamoru sent Usagi his most charming smile. "Please, Odango Atama. Just give me a
chance, and you'll see that I'm really someone you could learn to love." Aside from the
Odango Atama part, it was a direct quote from a romantic movie he'd seen on TV last night.
"No!" Usagi shouted. "You're stupid! I don't like you!" She turned her head away from False-
Mamoru, but she could feel her resolve weakening. It was all because of how he'd worn
those leather pants again...
False-Mamoru put a hand to his heart, the appearance of hurt and shock. "Don't say that!"
he called out, and then he got to his knees before her. "Odango Atama, will you marry me?"
he belted out dramatically. Inwardly giggling. Oh Metallia-sama, this was so FUN, to be able
to not have to worry about anything. No shiny crystals and evil bitch queens chopping off
your head.
Usagi gaped at him, speechless. "Oh my god..." she breathed, completely shocked. On the
other side of the room, she could see Ami and Makoto, staring, also looking thrown.
"Please..." False-Mamoru said, and he could feel that something in him meant those words.
There was something about this silly, inconsequential little girl, who he'd pursued for his own
amusement, just because of his body, even though he didn't even LIKE girls. There was
something THERE, something, something that could make him worthy, and complete, and-
and- important....
It wasn't love, or physical attraction, or anything silly like that. It wasn't even redemption
that this girl could offer him. It was acceptance.
He sighed, and inwardly he was rolling on the floor. He wondered if she'd make a pretty
corpse. "What's your answer, Odango..."
***
"Where are you taking us?" False-Zoisite asked.
"I've pinpointed Zoisite in your body to a specific location," Kunzite explained. "I've locked in
on it, and I can teleport us there now."
"Okay," False-Zoisite nodded. "Now."
Silver light flashed before their eyes, and then they were in a classroom, obviously junior
high or high school by the students that occupied it. Their teacher was standing near the
door, giggling slightly. All the kids were gaping at some sight. Kunzite and False-Zoi both
peered to see what it was, then they both froze at the sight that greeted them.
At the center of attention was a short, blonde, blue-eyed schoolgirl, wide-eyed and
innocent. A handsome, dark-haired, strong-looking man, obviously Tuxedo Kamen's human
form, knelt before her, face tilted up towards her.
"Will you marry me, Odango?" they heard False-Mamoru's voice ring out clearly. "What's your
answer?"
False-Zoi gaped, uncomprehending. His foe and the Odango Atama? "No. Fucking. Way." He
allowed himself that indulgence, then glanced at his white-haired companion. The Ice King
was silent. False-Zoisite quickly glanced around, then grabbed Kunzite and pulled him out of
the room before they could be spotted.
"I don't understand," Kunzite said quietly. "Zoisite..."
"The girl, the one he called Odango?" False-Zoisite broke in. "I know her. Her name's Usagi.
We were mortal enemies."
Kunzite's voice was laced with bitterness. "Did you love her, too?"
"Zoisite can't mean his offer," False-Zoisite said. "I mean, he's probably just doing it for a
joke or something, right?" He bit his lip. "Or maybe to hurt her. I know just from fighting him
that he was sadistic. Maybe he thought-"
False-Zoisite stopped and watched, breath held, as Kunzite left him and walked into Ms.
Haruna's homeroom. He peered around the edge of the wall. Kunzite was crossing, looking
strangled, and then he leaned over and cleared his throat.
False-Mamoru got up, swirled, and saw Kunzite. The look on his face was quite comical.
"Kunzite-sama?"
"Who's this, Mamoru-baka?" Usagi asked doubtfully. She was just too confused by then.
"Kamen in your body and I came. Beryl-sama ordered us to find the nijizuishou, but we had
to switch you two back first, so I, located you, and-" The words tumbled out of Kunzite, and
he bit his lip, facing Tuxedo Kamen's body, but he knew it was Zoisite, could tell by the way
he tilted his head, the way he bit his lip, the way he said Kunzite-sama, the way those eyes
sparkled. It didn't matter that they were midnight blue instead of their normal gorgeous, vivid
emerald green.
False-Mamoru shrugged. "Ano, okay. Can't wait to get back in my body."
"Then what was-" Kunzite jabbed his hand in Usagi's direction.
"Okay, what in the world is going on!" Usagi shouted.
Ms. Haruna was suddenly at her side. She faced False-Mamoru and Kunzite. "Excuse me,
sirs, but you'll have to be going. Now."
"No," Kunzite said firmly. "You can't tell me what to do."
"I certainly can," the teacher said, face reddening. "This is my classroom, and if I say you
will get out, you'll get out! NOW! And Usagi, go with them! If you want to bring your freak
male friends to class, you soon won't have a class to bring them to!"
Usagi winced, then, having had experience with Ms. Haruna's true wrath, took False-
Mamoru's arm and dragged him out of the classroom. Kunzite followed, looking doubtful.
Then, Usagi closed the door behind them. "Okay, Mamoru-baka, and whoever you are," she
said, pointing to Kunzite, "Why do you have to ruin my life?" she moaned, breaking off. "It's
not like things aren't hard enough..."
"What problems could you have? You're just some preppy blonde ditz," Kunzite said coldly,
eyes flicking between her and False-Mamoru. False-Mamoru didn't appear to care how his
lover was treating the girl he'd just proposed to, rolling his eyes, looking bored, and checking
Chiba-san's watch.
False-Zoi stepped out from his hiding place. "Kunzite-sama? Have you found him yet?"
Several things happened at this point. Kunzite remained unmoved, but False-Mamoru gaped
at the sight of Tuxedo Kamen in his own body. This was nothing, however, to Usagi's
reaction. The Odango Atama let out a long, high-pitched shriek. "Oh my god. ZOISITE?"
Her eyes darted around after this remarkable pronouncement. "Mamoru-baka, and you,
Kunnie or whatever your name is. Run. You don't know what you're dealing with. He's
dangerous!"
Neither of them ran. Instead, all three of them stared at the small blonde girl in their midst,
both False-Zoisite's and False-Mamoru's jaws dropping to the ground. Kunzite, however, was
calm. His eyes narrowed, and he stared at Usagi penetratingly.
"You. Girl. How do you know who Zoisite is?"
TBC.
Don't forget to review!