Disclaimer: I don't own any of the harry potter characters ect, ect. I
don't own, so don't sue. Thank you very much.
This is my fist POV story; tell me what you guys think. Should I somehow continue it or write from Sirius's POV? What?
REMUS LUPINS POV
Don't you understand!
Don't you understand?
Don't you understand... Do you... Do you?
That voice haunts me, takes me into a realm of shame, self-pity and utter disgust in my being. For how could he, let alone anyone love me? I am alone in this world with nothing to keep me going save the fact that I am in love, in love with one who could never learn to love me in return. His grace, his features, his total self is worth more than I could ever comprehend. I'm just fooling myself into thinking one day he'll want to be with me, want to love me the way I love him, but once again I ask myself: Don't you understand? No-one could ever love... a beast.
I stand here in the shadows like a coward, watching him, smelling his scent trying to sense his feelings but I cant I never will. He closes himself off to the world, to me. My vain attempts to cheer him up have been totally uneventful. He'll never love me in any way, I'm sure of that now. My fingers long to run down his spine, caress his hair, feel him in my arms. I scoff at myself and he must have heard me for his back goes rigid as he turns to face the shadows in which I seek solitude. His eyes are so angry, they send shivers down my spine, shivers that I always get looking into those death filled pools of blue. If only I could put off my smiling act long enough to show him my eyes, my pain. But no, that will never happen, not in this lifetime at least, perhaps in my dreams, no my nightmares where he is laughing me mocking me and I lose control so much that soon he is dead, the beast in me raging for more than just his blood, and then I kill them all.
My eyes snap open as I realize I've fallen to the floor and he is there, staring into my eyes. I grin and shrug it off but my act... I don't know how much longer I can make it stay, my emotions are getting to me, DAMN EMOTIONS! I hate how he stares at me like I'm no more than an obligation. I stand up and smile, my humor returning, my act, this show... my mask for him and the rest of the world. He just glares like I'm a imbecile. How can I be this worthless I wonder? But I'm used to the pathetic and hateful glances I get. It happens every day even my mother and father used to stare at me this way... Until the beast gained control and I killed them.
My eyes start to water as I think of the past and he gives me an odd glance, I turn away but his hand is on my shoulder. I feel my mouth begin to move even thought I will it not to. Then it all comes out... I love you and Your beautiful... It all comes out of my mouth like running water. I close my eyes then open them slowly and his face is exactly how I pictured it would be... full of hate. His fist connects with my face and I whimper, not out of pain, but out of the brokenness in my soul. He glares daggers at me and they pierce, so, so deep. My cry's get louder as he yells... Get out of my life, your disgusting, I hate you.... on and on it goes until I can take it no more and run to my chamber, to be locked inside and never come out. To hide like the idiot that everyone thinks me to be. I used to want to live, just for the purpose of seeing him, but even that has been taken away. My hand reaches for a small silver object, kept under my pillow. Just as the moon starts to rise above the trees and my bones begin to change I hold the silver jeweled handle and hold the blade to my throat, my choking increases as I slide the dagger across my pale neck. The sticky substance runs down my body, warm and wet to the touch. I smile to myself as I lie in my blood; it soaks the floor and my clothes, but none of that matters now does it. Phenomenal how much this makes me feel better, my boddy is wracked with sobs that have been kept in for so long, I can finally cry... even though I'm about to die, its by my own hand it was my choice. Then he comes up to my room, I don't know why but there he is, I just look at his through my unmasked eyes hoping he'll see the despair, my pain, my loss everything in me and he does, maybe this is just a dream. I don't bother to grin like a maniac or shout things at him, all I say is 'Thank You ever so much, you're my love... Sirius Black."
This is my fist POV story; tell me what you guys think. Should I somehow continue it or write from Sirius's POV? What?
REMUS LUPINS POV
Don't you understand!
Don't you understand?
Don't you understand... Do you... Do you?
That voice haunts me, takes me into a realm of shame, self-pity and utter disgust in my being. For how could he, let alone anyone love me? I am alone in this world with nothing to keep me going save the fact that I am in love, in love with one who could never learn to love me in return. His grace, his features, his total self is worth more than I could ever comprehend. I'm just fooling myself into thinking one day he'll want to be with me, want to love me the way I love him, but once again I ask myself: Don't you understand? No-one could ever love... a beast.
I stand here in the shadows like a coward, watching him, smelling his scent trying to sense his feelings but I cant I never will. He closes himself off to the world, to me. My vain attempts to cheer him up have been totally uneventful. He'll never love me in any way, I'm sure of that now. My fingers long to run down his spine, caress his hair, feel him in my arms. I scoff at myself and he must have heard me for his back goes rigid as he turns to face the shadows in which I seek solitude. His eyes are so angry, they send shivers down my spine, shivers that I always get looking into those death filled pools of blue. If only I could put off my smiling act long enough to show him my eyes, my pain. But no, that will never happen, not in this lifetime at least, perhaps in my dreams, no my nightmares where he is laughing me mocking me and I lose control so much that soon he is dead, the beast in me raging for more than just his blood, and then I kill them all.
My eyes snap open as I realize I've fallen to the floor and he is there, staring into my eyes. I grin and shrug it off but my act... I don't know how much longer I can make it stay, my emotions are getting to me, DAMN EMOTIONS! I hate how he stares at me like I'm no more than an obligation. I stand up and smile, my humor returning, my act, this show... my mask for him and the rest of the world. He just glares like I'm a imbecile. How can I be this worthless I wonder? But I'm used to the pathetic and hateful glances I get. It happens every day even my mother and father used to stare at me this way... Until the beast gained control and I killed them.
My eyes start to water as I think of the past and he gives me an odd glance, I turn away but his hand is on my shoulder. I feel my mouth begin to move even thought I will it not to. Then it all comes out... I love you and Your beautiful... It all comes out of my mouth like running water. I close my eyes then open them slowly and his face is exactly how I pictured it would be... full of hate. His fist connects with my face and I whimper, not out of pain, but out of the brokenness in my soul. He glares daggers at me and they pierce, so, so deep. My cry's get louder as he yells... Get out of my life, your disgusting, I hate you.... on and on it goes until I can take it no more and run to my chamber, to be locked inside and never come out. To hide like the idiot that everyone thinks me to be. I used to want to live, just for the purpose of seeing him, but even that has been taken away. My hand reaches for a small silver object, kept under my pillow. Just as the moon starts to rise above the trees and my bones begin to change I hold the silver jeweled handle and hold the blade to my throat, my choking increases as I slide the dagger across my pale neck. The sticky substance runs down my body, warm and wet to the touch. I smile to myself as I lie in my blood; it soaks the floor and my clothes, but none of that matters now does it. Phenomenal how much this makes me feel better, my boddy is wracked with sobs that have been kept in for so long, I can finally cry... even though I'm about to die, its by my own hand it was my choice. Then he comes up to my room, I don't know why but there he is, I just look at his through my unmasked eyes hoping he'll see the despair, my pain, my loss everything in me and he does, maybe this is just a dream. I don't bother to grin like a maniac or shout things at him, all I say is 'Thank You ever so much, you're my love... Sirius Black."