Disclaimer- Do I really need to put this in? I mean, seriously?
Author's Note- For how bloody long this took- sorry. That's all I can say. There were
computer problems, and family problems, and the wailing and the flailing and the gritting
and gnashing of teeth, or perhaps just simple apathy on my part, and that's all I can say.
Please review despite my supreme incompetency in keeping up with this.
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Ten
"And then," False-Mamoru finished, "She pulled her pants back up!"
All of the Tsukino family was now gaping at him with the most comical expressions.
Finally, Usagi managed to gain control over herself again.
"That is NOT TRUE!" she protested hotly. "None of that EVER happened! Mamoru no
HENTAI!"
False-Mamoru took on an overdramatic, incredibly fake-looking expression of offense.
"Why, Od- no, Usagi-chan. You wound me. If you keep going on like that, you'll have your
family thinking we're not a happy couple." He gave her a sickly-sweet smile. "We couldn't
let them think that, seeing how HAPPY we make each other, could we?"
Grrr...
"Cool!" Shingo grinned, having been given enough teasing material to last him just about
three years. "If you ever decided to marry my stupid sister, I'd be cool with it, Mamoru-
san. Or should I say, if you ever decided to marry the ODANGO ATAMA, I'd be cool with
it." He snickered at his own use of False-Mamoru's nickname.
"That might be sooner than you think, Shingo-san," False-Mamoru said smoothly.
Ikuko turned to him, puzzled. "What do you mean, Mamoru-san?" she asked.
False-Mamoru grinned. "I had practically given up hope that you'd ask, Ms. Tsukino. See,
I've recently proposed to my dear sweet Usako, and we plan to wed soon! We've even
decided on a color scheme already!"
"WHAT?" Ikuko gaped. Her little girl, getting MARRIED?
"WHAT?" Kenji gaped. It was bad enough that Usagi was dating some sort of older scum,
AND that HE hadn't met said older scum until about TEN MINUTES ago. And now she was
MARRYING the older scum?
"WHAT?" Shingo gaped. Baka Usagi, going away forever with a guy? Keeping house for
him and bearing him children? Well, he knew the bearing children part wouldn't be a
problem, ever since in Usagi's first junior high year he had stolen her used tampons from
her and made animal sculptures out of them. But making house for some guy? He'd never
eaten her cooking without a call to the food poisoning line immediately following!
"WHAT?" Usagi gaped. Sure, he'd proposed to her. But she sure as hell hadn't said YES.
And this was ZOISITE! The EVIL KING in pursuit of the NIJIZUISHOU who routinely
FOUGHT her! Hel-LO? Anybody home?
"Yep!" False-Mamoru grinned. "We're going to be very happy together, the two of us,
aren't we, Usako?"
"Can I talk to you alone, Mamoru?" Usagi asked through gritted teeth, much as her
mother had asked her father before.
"Sure!" False-Mamoru agreed. Usagi led him outside the dining room. False-Mamoru
leaned against the wall, sprawling his slender body lazily across it. He was completely
unprepared for the sudden verbal assault he was given.
"KAMI, you are so STUPID, I hate you so much! You can't just waltz in, you evil king you,
and, and, tell my family-" Usagi panted- "That you're my BOYFRIEND, and THEN say we're
getting married!"
"Isn't that what I've been doing, Odango?" False-Mamoru asked casually in the same way
that had always forced Nephrite back into hysterics before he died. And was subsequently
revived somehow. Whatever.
"I want you out!" Usagi shrieked. "Away from my family, away from my friends, away
from ME!"
"Aw, you just don't want to admit your undying love for me," False-Mamoru grinned,
leisurely placing his hands behind his black head. Usagi's eyes were inevitably drawn to
his body- his shiny blue-black hair, soulful dark eyes, smooth tanned skin, his six-pack
abs, clearly defined even under his shirt, and not to mention that ASS-
"ARRRRRRRGH!"
"Don't want to damage my ears now, do we?" False-Mamoru asked innocently. "I wouldn't
be able to help you choose the string quartet for our wedding!"
"THERE WILL BE NO STRING QUARTET!!!!"
***
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF METALLIA IS GOING ON?!"
Kunzite grimaced. "Queen Beryl-sama, we can explain everything-"
"NEPHRITE!" Queen Beryl shrieked. "Zoisite killed you! What are you doing here? You're
DEAD!"
"Queen Beryl-sama, please, if you just let us explain-" Kunzite tried again, but was once
again cut off.
"And the three of you? What in the world is the Angel of Time doing here, and why are
you in her presence?"
The said Angel of Time sighed and began to bonk her head on the ground. In all her time
as the Guardian of, well, Time, she had never seen such a massive cock-up. This seemed
like the only plausible coping mechanism left to her.
"Queen Beryl-sama, if you just let us explain, everything will make perfect sense!"
Kunzite shouted, not used to being ignored, even by his Queen.
"Fine, then. What is going on?" Beryl asked imperially. She had no idea, and for the first
time in ages felt control slipping through her fingers. The four of them, Kunzite, False-
Zoisite, Nephrite, and Pluto, all began at the same time.
Nephrite: "It's all Pluto's fault, the stupid senshi's incompetency, I got back to the living
by slipping past her while she was taking a little nap-"
False-Zoisite: "I didn't do anything! I just went to sleep one night, and I woke up naked
with Kunzite, and everything went downhill-"
Kunzite: "Queen Beryl-sama, your past Tennou, the incompetent Nephrite, has come back
to seek revenge-"
Pluto: "You're all head-cases! I've never seen any more screwed up people in the entire
thousand fucking years I've been alive-"
"Stop!" Queen Beryl shrieked. They all did. Her huge hologram of just her head and
shoulders was quite imposing. "Now, Zoisite," she said, randoming selecting him from the
group as the least psychotic-looking at the moment, "Tell me what is going on. Tell me
why Nephrite and the Pluto Senshi are standing around some stupid human school with
the two Tennou I ordered over a day ago to bring me the nijizuishou they still have not
delivered!"
False-Zoisite sighed. What did he have to lose now? "I'm not Zoisite. I'm Tuxedo Kamen."
"WHAT?" Queen Beryl screeched. If Kunzite had been present to see False-Mamoru break
the news of his and the Odango's 'engagement' to the said Odango's family, he would
have said their reactions to the news were quite similar.
"I woke up like this," False-Zoisite offered. "Yesterday. And Kunzite figured it out."
"It's true, my queen," Kunzite continued, regaining his composure, hoping against all
hope that his not-quite-sane leader wouldn't choose to blow all four of them up just for
the hell of it. "Nephrite managed to gain some sort of control over the time gates while
their guardian, Sailor Pluto here, was unaware. He used this to come to the mortal world,
and to switch Tuxedo Kamen and Zoisite's bodies."
"For revenge," Nephrite said happily and quite evilly, rubbing his hands together in a
stereotypical villain fashion. "But then," he said, shooting an evil glare at the Senshi of
Time, who was STILL bonking her head on the ground, "Pluto caught up to me, and the
three of them have been holding me captive ever since!"
They all shot tentative glances at the huge, translucent image of Queen Beryl, who
seemed quite speechless. Finally, she regained her composure, and responded in her
normal fashion. "Why did you hide this from me?" she asked, voice steely and scary.
Kunzite winced, her most senior officer and therefore obliged to answer. "We- we thought
it wise to keep it from you, my queen, for the safety of the internal affairs of the Dark
Kingdom-"
"Don't strain yourself making up pretty lies for me, Kunzite," Queen Beryl hissed. Seeing
how many times her snakelike eyes were magnified in the hologram, the predatorial glint
they shot at her first Tennou was painfully obvious.
"We thought that you would kill Tuxedo-Kamen-in-Zoisite, or possibly both Tuxedo Kamen
and Zoisite, and completely obliterate any hope of making them right." Kunzite sighed.
Queen Beryl's malicious gaze promised many horrible tortures for his impudence, but she
let it go for the moment. "And you!" She turned to Pluto. "How long have you been here?"
Pluto sighed. "Since yesterday, Queen."
"And why have you not switched them back? Isn't that your job, Time Senshi, to keep the
time stream right?"
The expressions that came on Pluto, Kunzite, and False-Zoisite's faces were all of deep
panic. "Well, that is-" Pluto began, turning red and panicky. She cut herself off.
"Zoisite-in-Mamoru has ran away from us, but we know his location," Kunzite finished for
the senshi. He knew that he had bungled this very badly, and in the Dark Kingdom, if one
messed up, one paid. If only Beryl hadn't found out!
"Ah," Queen Beryl finally decided, "I'll have to come down and personally oversee finding
my second king, seeing as how my first one has bungled this mistake so hopelessly.
Pluto-san will switch the two of them back, and we will proceed as if none of this mess
ever happened. Kunzite, rest assured that consequences for putting back our great
queen's progress like this will not be pleasant."
Kunzite bowed his head in acceptance. A second later, Queen Beryl had set foot on Earth
for the first time in centuries. None of the party dared to tell her to change into
inconspicuous Earth clothes.
"Where is Zoisite, then?" Queen Beryl asked.
"With a girl," Kunzite answered, ignoring Pluto's frantic gestures not to tell Beryl. "Some
little human who Tuxedo Kamen knew that Zoisite took a fancy to. Tsukino Usagi."
TBC.
Don't forget to review!
Author's Note- For how bloody long this took- sorry. That's all I can say. There were
computer problems, and family problems, and the wailing and the flailing and the gritting
and gnashing of teeth, or perhaps just simple apathy on my part, and that's all I can say.
Please review despite my supreme incompetency in keeping up with this.
Switching Sides
by Starbrigid
Chapter Ten
"And then," False-Mamoru finished, "She pulled her pants back up!"
All of the Tsukino family was now gaping at him with the most comical expressions.
Finally, Usagi managed to gain control over herself again.
"That is NOT TRUE!" she protested hotly. "None of that EVER happened! Mamoru no
HENTAI!"
False-Mamoru took on an overdramatic, incredibly fake-looking expression of offense.
"Why, Od- no, Usagi-chan. You wound me. If you keep going on like that, you'll have your
family thinking we're not a happy couple." He gave her a sickly-sweet smile. "We couldn't
let them think that, seeing how HAPPY we make each other, could we?"
Grrr...
"Cool!" Shingo grinned, having been given enough teasing material to last him just about
three years. "If you ever decided to marry my stupid sister, I'd be cool with it, Mamoru-
san. Or should I say, if you ever decided to marry the ODANGO ATAMA, I'd be cool with
it." He snickered at his own use of False-Mamoru's nickname.
"That might be sooner than you think, Shingo-san," False-Mamoru said smoothly.
Ikuko turned to him, puzzled. "What do you mean, Mamoru-san?" she asked.
False-Mamoru grinned. "I had practically given up hope that you'd ask, Ms. Tsukino. See,
I've recently proposed to my dear sweet Usako, and we plan to wed soon! We've even
decided on a color scheme already!"
"WHAT?" Ikuko gaped. Her little girl, getting MARRIED?
"WHAT?" Kenji gaped. It was bad enough that Usagi was dating some sort of older scum,
AND that HE hadn't met said older scum until about TEN MINUTES ago. And now she was
MARRYING the older scum?
"WHAT?" Shingo gaped. Baka Usagi, going away forever with a guy? Keeping house for
him and bearing him children? Well, he knew the bearing children part wouldn't be a
problem, ever since in Usagi's first junior high year he had stolen her used tampons from
her and made animal sculptures out of them. But making house for some guy? He'd never
eaten her cooking without a call to the food poisoning line immediately following!
"WHAT?" Usagi gaped. Sure, he'd proposed to her. But she sure as hell hadn't said YES.
And this was ZOISITE! The EVIL KING in pursuit of the NIJIZUISHOU who routinely
FOUGHT her! Hel-LO? Anybody home?
"Yep!" False-Mamoru grinned. "We're going to be very happy together, the two of us,
aren't we, Usako?"
"Can I talk to you alone, Mamoru?" Usagi asked through gritted teeth, much as her
mother had asked her father before.
"Sure!" False-Mamoru agreed. Usagi led him outside the dining room. False-Mamoru
leaned against the wall, sprawling his slender body lazily across it. He was completely
unprepared for the sudden verbal assault he was given.
"KAMI, you are so STUPID, I hate you so much! You can't just waltz in, you evil king you,
and, and, tell my family-" Usagi panted- "That you're my BOYFRIEND, and THEN say we're
getting married!"
"Isn't that what I've been doing, Odango?" False-Mamoru asked casually in the same way
that had always forced Nephrite back into hysterics before he died. And was subsequently
revived somehow. Whatever.
"I want you out!" Usagi shrieked. "Away from my family, away from my friends, away
from ME!"
"Aw, you just don't want to admit your undying love for me," False-Mamoru grinned,
leisurely placing his hands behind his black head. Usagi's eyes were inevitably drawn to
his body- his shiny blue-black hair, soulful dark eyes, smooth tanned skin, his six-pack
abs, clearly defined even under his shirt, and not to mention that ASS-
"ARRRRRRRGH!"
"Don't want to damage my ears now, do we?" False-Mamoru asked innocently. "I wouldn't
be able to help you choose the string quartet for our wedding!"
"THERE WILL BE NO STRING QUARTET!!!!"
***
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF METALLIA IS GOING ON?!"
Kunzite grimaced. "Queen Beryl-sama, we can explain everything-"
"NEPHRITE!" Queen Beryl shrieked. "Zoisite killed you! What are you doing here? You're
DEAD!"
"Queen Beryl-sama, please, if you just let us explain-" Kunzite tried again, but was once
again cut off.
"And the three of you? What in the world is the Angel of Time doing here, and why are
you in her presence?"
The said Angel of Time sighed and began to bonk her head on the ground. In all her time
as the Guardian of, well, Time, she had never seen such a massive cock-up. This seemed
like the only plausible coping mechanism left to her.
"Queen Beryl-sama, if you just let us explain, everything will make perfect sense!"
Kunzite shouted, not used to being ignored, even by his Queen.
"Fine, then. What is going on?" Beryl asked imperially. She had no idea, and for the first
time in ages felt control slipping through her fingers. The four of them, Kunzite, False-
Zoisite, Nephrite, and Pluto, all began at the same time.
Nephrite: "It's all Pluto's fault, the stupid senshi's incompetency, I got back to the living
by slipping past her while she was taking a little nap-"
False-Zoisite: "I didn't do anything! I just went to sleep one night, and I woke up naked
with Kunzite, and everything went downhill-"
Kunzite: "Queen Beryl-sama, your past Tennou, the incompetent Nephrite, has come back
to seek revenge-"
Pluto: "You're all head-cases! I've never seen any more screwed up people in the entire
thousand fucking years I've been alive-"
"Stop!" Queen Beryl shrieked. They all did. Her huge hologram of just her head and
shoulders was quite imposing. "Now, Zoisite," she said, randoming selecting him from the
group as the least psychotic-looking at the moment, "Tell me what is going on. Tell me
why Nephrite and the Pluto Senshi are standing around some stupid human school with
the two Tennou I ordered over a day ago to bring me the nijizuishou they still have not
delivered!"
False-Zoisite sighed. What did he have to lose now? "I'm not Zoisite. I'm Tuxedo Kamen."
"WHAT?" Queen Beryl screeched. If Kunzite had been present to see False-Mamoru break
the news of his and the Odango's 'engagement' to the said Odango's family, he would
have said their reactions to the news were quite similar.
"I woke up like this," False-Zoisite offered. "Yesterday. And Kunzite figured it out."
"It's true, my queen," Kunzite continued, regaining his composure, hoping against all
hope that his not-quite-sane leader wouldn't choose to blow all four of them up just for
the hell of it. "Nephrite managed to gain some sort of control over the time gates while
their guardian, Sailor Pluto here, was unaware. He used this to come to the mortal world,
and to switch Tuxedo Kamen and Zoisite's bodies."
"For revenge," Nephrite said happily and quite evilly, rubbing his hands together in a
stereotypical villain fashion. "But then," he said, shooting an evil glare at the Senshi of
Time, who was STILL bonking her head on the ground, "Pluto caught up to me, and the
three of them have been holding me captive ever since!"
They all shot tentative glances at the huge, translucent image of Queen Beryl, who
seemed quite speechless. Finally, she regained her composure, and responded in her
normal fashion. "Why did you hide this from me?" she asked, voice steely and scary.
Kunzite winced, her most senior officer and therefore obliged to answer. "We- we thought
it wise to keep it from you, my queen, for the safety of the internal affairs of the Dark
Kingdom-"
"Don't strain yourself making up pretty lies for me, Kunzite," Queen Beryl hissed. Seeing
how many times her snakelike eyes were magnified in the hologram, the predatorial glint
they shot at her first Tennou was painfully obvious.
"We thought that you would kill Tuxedo-Kamen-in-Zoisite, or possibly both Tuxedo Kamen
and Zoisite, and completely obliterate any hope of making them right." Kunzite sighed.
Queen Beryl's malicious gaze promised many horrible tortures for his impudence, but she
let it go for the moment. "And you!" She turned to Pluto. "How long have you been here?"
Pluto sighed. "Since yesterday, Queen."
"And why have you not switched them back? Isn't that your job, Time Senshi, to keep the
time stream right?"
The expressions that came on Pluto, Kunzite, and False-Zoisite's faces were all of deep
panic. "Well, that is-" Pluto began, turning red and panicky. She cut herself off.
"Zoisite-in-Mamoru has ran away from us, but we know his location," Kunzite finished for
the senshi. He knew that he had bungled this very badly, and in the Dark Kingdom, if one
messed up, one paid. If only Beryl hadn't found out!
"Ah," Queen Beryl finally decided, "I'll have to come down and personally oversee finding
my second king, seeing as how my first one has bungled this mistake so hopelessly.
Pluto-san will switch the two of them back, and we will proceed as if none of this mess
ever happened. Kunzite, rest assured that consequences for putting back our great
queen's progress like this will not be pleasant."
Kunzite bowed his head in acceptance. A second later, Queen Beryl had set foot on Earth
for the first time in centuries. None of the party dared to tell her to change into
inconspicuous Earth clothes.
"Where is Zoisite, then?" Queen Beryl asked.
"With a girl," Kunzite answered, ignoring Pluto's frantic gestures not to tell Beryl. "Some
little human who Tuxedo Kamen knew that Zoisite took a fancy to. Tsukino Usagi."
TBC.
Don't forget to review!