THREE
* * *
I used to lie awake at night and think the same thing. God, wouldn't it be cool to be Lucy, just to wake up in the morning and there I'd be, Lucy Camden, and I'd look over and there would be Mary, and then we'd be best friends like Abby and I were but we'd be sisters too, and we'd go downstairs and there would be Eric Camden, our DAD, and Mrs. Camden, our MOM, and Matt and Simon and Ruthie. And we'd go to church on Sundays in our pretty clothes and we'd be pretty too, Mary and me.
I wish I was pretty like Lucy. I wish boys liked me the way they like her.
I wish every day was Saturday and Abby and I could watch the Camdens on TV.
I wish Abby' parents hadn't gotten divorced.
It's not fair. It isn't. Parents are supposed to be in love and love is supposed to be forever. You are supposed to find the right one, the one who is perfect for you, and you are supposed to fall in love and you are supposed to love each other forever. That's the way it is supposed to be and everybody knows it. But Abby's parents didn't know this and they would fight and more and more she would come over to my house to spend the night and we would sit up late and talk about this stuff. Or she would talk and I would just listen, sitting in my room.
"I don't understand it. What's wrong with them?"
"Did they say anything to you?"
She shook her head. "Just my mom. She told me it wasn't about me. She said she still loves me, and that my dad loves me, but how could they love me and do this to me? He's talking about moving to Colorado. I'd have to live with him there half the time."
This thought scared me. Abby was my best friend.
"Colorado."
"Yeah. They fight all the time, Michelle. That's all they do. Dad sleeps on the couch now. I'm so scared ...."
She cried some, there in my room. I hugged her. I wish I knew what to say. After a while she stopped, looked at me.
"Can we watch some 7th Heaven?"
#
There were twins now, just little babies. Lucy had broken up with her boyfriend while Annie was having them, and that had been sad. Abby and I both felt bad for her in that episode, because it must be hard to break up with someone. But we agreed that this boy hadn't been right for her, and it's important that you look for true love when you are with someone. Lucy was dating a lot now, and Abby and I were trying to and wanting to, but it was harder for us, because we were in the real world and boys were weirder in the real world than on TV.
And Lucy was so cool, it was easy to see why she got dates.
I remember there was one time at school when I had to stand up for her.
#
There was this girl, Theresa. She wasn't all that pretty, and she said one day at lunch how cool Buffy the vampire slayer was. I hadn't watched that show in years, and I had only watched it once, but I remember that Buffy was a major slut and that the show was really violent, so I said so.
"Oh?" Theresa said. "Well, she isn't a slut. She had true love with Angel, and she killed him to save the world. That isn't a slut."
"How stupid is that?" I answered. "It isn't even realistic. Buffy is just about killing people. She doesn't know anything about love."
"It's more realistic than anything else on TV," Theresa snipped. "It's more than about vampires. It's about life in high school."
"No it isn't."
"Name me one show that is more realistic."
Well, I had her now.
"7th Heaven," I said.
She laughed. Some of the other girls did too.
"That piece of crap?"
"It isn't crap!"
"A preacher and his stupid family, all moralizing. God, that's the stupidest show on TV!"
I don't know why, but I was suddenly shouting.
"It isn't! It's about real life! It's about how families should be! It's about how life should be! It isn't some fake thing you just watch because you think it's fun! It teaches you lessons!"
"Like how to be loud?" Theresa giggled.
I said something bad to her then, called her a real bad word. I felt bad later for this, but it was true. She was stupid. TV had lots of bad shows, shows with all that sex and violence, but 7th Heaven was a good moral show.
It didn't matter what Theresa said, anyway. She could be like Buffy and be a slut if she wanted to. I was going to be like Lucy Camden.
* * *
I used to lie awake at night and think the same thing. God, wouldn't it be cool to be Lucy, just to wake up in the morning and there I'd be, Lucy Camden, and I'd look over and there would be Mary, and then we'd be best friends like Abby and I were but we'd be sisters too, and we'd go downstairs and there would be Eric Camden, our DAD, and Mrs. Camden, our MOM, and Matt and Simon and Ruthie. And we'd go to church on Sundays in our pretty clothes and we'd be pretty too, Mary and me.
I wish I was pretty like Lucy. I wish boys liked me the way they like her.
I wish every day was Saturday and Abby and I could watch the Camdens on TV.
I wish Abby' parents hadn't gotten divorced.
It's not fair. It isn't. Parents are supposed to be in love and love is supposed to be forever. You are supposed to find the right one, the one who is perfect for you, and you are supposed to fall in love and you are supposed to love each other forever. That's the way it is supposed to be and everybody knows it. But Abby's parents didn't know this and they would fight and more and more she would come over to my house to spend the night and we would sit up late and talk about this stuff. Or she would talk and I would just listen, sitting in my room.
"I don't understand it. What's wrong with them?"
"Did they say anything to you?"
She shook her head. "Just my mom. She told me it wasn't about me. She said she still loves me, and that my dad loves me, but how could they love me and do this to me? He's talking about moving to Colorado. I'd have to live with him there half the time."
This thought scared me. Abby was my best friend.
"Colorado."
"Yeah. They fight all the time, Michelle. That's all they do. Dad sleeps on the couch now. I'm so scared ...."
She cried some, there in my room. I hugged her. I wish I knew what to say. After a while she stopped, looked at me.
"Can we watch some 7th Heaven?"
#
There were twins now, just little babies. Lucy had broken up with her boyfriend while Annie was having them, and that had been sad. Abby and I both felt bad for her in that episode, because it must be hard to break up with someone. But we agreed that this boy hadn't been right for her, and it's important that you look for true love when you are with someone. Lucy was dating a lot now, and Abby and I were trying to and wanting to, but it was harder for us, because we were in the real world and boys were weirder in the real world than on TV.
And Lucy was so cool, it was easy to see why she got dates.
I remember there was one time at school when I had to stand up for her.
#
There was this girl, Theresa. She wasn't all that pretty, and she said one day at lunch how cool Buffy the vampire slayer was. I hadn't watched that show in years, and I had only watched it once, but I remember that Buffy was a major slut and that the show was really violent, so I said so.
"Oh?" Theresa said. "Well, she isn't a slut. She had true love with Angel, and she killed him to save the world. That isn't a slut."
"How stupid is that?" I answered. "It isn't even realistic. Buffy is just about killing people. She doesn't know anything about love."
"It's more realistic than anything else on TV," Theresa snipped. "It's more than about vampires. It's about life in high school."
"No it isn't."
"Name me one show that is more realistic."
Well, I had her now.
"7th Heaven," I said.
She laughed. Some of the other girls did too.
"That piece of crap?"
"It isn't crap!"
"A preacher and his stupid family, all moralizing. God, that's the stupidest show on TV!"
I don't know why, but I was suddenly shouting.
"It isn't! It's about real life! It's about how families should be! It's about how life should be! It isn't some fake thing you just watch because you think it's fun! It teaches you lessons!"
"Like how to be loud?" Theresa giggled.
I said something bad to her then, called her a real bad word. I felt bad later for this, but it was true. She was stupid. TV had lots of bad shows, shows with all that sex and violence, but 7th Heaven was a good moral show.
It didn't matter what Theresa said, anyway. She could be like Buffy and be a slut if she wanted to. I was going to be like Lucy Camden.