FOUR
* * *
I don't ever want to get menopause. I mean, Annie was such a great mom all those years, and then she got all mean. And it was the menopause, you know.
I wonder if my mom got menopause and never told me.
Because my mom didn't talk to me much. She worked a lot, got home late. So did my dad. I usually had to make my own dinner, and dinner for Mark, and often Abby came home from school with me and we'd eat together. This was good because they were running old episodes of 7th Heaven in the afternoons, and we would watch them as we ate and Mark played video games in his room. Abby's dad had moved out but her mom got full custody, so she didn't have to move to Colorado. She didn't talk about him much these days, but I noticed that she always watched the TV really closely whenever Eric Camden came on.
It was hard, sometimes, to watch the show. Mary was gone; she had gone bad and vandalized the school gym and then had kept getting into trouble, and finally Eric and Annie had had no choice but to send her to the Colonel's house in Buffalo so he could help her. This was sad for Abby and me, because the Camdens were having real problems just like real families did, and we didn't want anything bad to happen to them. But at least Lucy was doing okay. She had gotten engaged to a cute guy played by a guy from 'N Sync and she was going to become a minister just like Eric. It was really romantic, especially when the guy, whose name was Jeremy, took her to a club and she sang for him.
"That's love," Abby said to me the Saturday we watched it together. "That's what I want a boy to do for me."
I nodded. They were so perfect together. Jimmy and Rod had just been boyfriends; this was the real thing.
Only it wasn't. I never understood why, since Jeremy never really appeared on the show again.
But I still liked Lucy. I felt really bad for her as she tried to get over Jeremy. And I felt badly for Annie, too, because of the menopause. It was hard to be a Camden now, but I still would have rather been Lucy than Michelle. Than me.
Because my life was too hard. My mom and dad worked all the time, except for that one summer when they took Mark and me on vacation and it went badly and everybody got mad at each other. I don't know whose fault it was but I just wanted things to be right. I just wanted a family that was always happy, like the Camdens.
And I wanted a boyfriend. So did Abby. Even Theresa had a boyfriend, and he was going to take her to the prom. Is it so wrong to want a boyfriend? Is it so wrong to want to kiss a guy?
If only Abby and I were pretty like Lucy, we'd get boyfriends. Look at all the guys she has who like her. Look at all the guys she kisses. Robbie likes her too, and he's cute.
Like Kevin.
God, Kevin was a hunk.
Like Vick.
I couldn't believe it. Vick liked Abby. He asked her to the prom.
Vick!
#
He was so cool. I remember that. Vick was cool. Nothing bothered him, nothing phased him. He was new in school, but he fit in right away during our senior year. Maybe it was because he didn't know too many people that he asked Abby out. Whatever.
She was going, of course. She had to. You don't turn down a guy like Vick.
You just don't.
I got asked too. It was late and I knew I was only asked because there weren't many people left and no one wanted to be alone on the big night. And yeah, it was Jim who asked me.
You remember Jim. The guy who was always looking at the girls, always leering?
Well, I said yes, because I didn't want to be alone, and the truth was that Jim wasn't quite as odious as he used to be. He didn't leer anymore; in fact he didn't talk much either, just read books in the library. So I said yes, and Abby and I picked out our gowns together and we talked and made each other up the afternoon before, and we had Vick and Jim pick us up at my house, since Abby's mom was out of town on a business trip or something. I had wanted to do a double date, but Abby said no.
"I asked Vick about it," she said. "He didn't want to."
I smiled.
"That's cool. I'll see you at the dance, anyway. Maybe I'll get a dance with Vick."
She giggled. "Not with my boyfriend."
#
It was nice. Jim was nice. He held the door for me when I got in his car, and he bought me dinner at a good restaurant, and it was nice to feel pretty and all. I think he wanted to kiss me, too, but he was nervous, and I didn't really want to kiss him anyway.
You are supposed to save your kissing for people you love, and I didn't love Jim. Love is one of those things you know right away.
So we got to the dance, and we danced, and I saw Abby and we talked a bit, but only for a bit, because Vick was always there, so handsome, and I watched as they danced, close, her chin against his chest, and Jim kept stepping on my toes because he was clumsy.
I felt so happy for Abby. A week later she first admitted to me that she was in love with Vick.
* * *
I don't ever want to get menopause. I mean, Annie was such a great mom all those years, and then she got all mean. And it was the menopause, you know.
I wonder if my mom got menopause and never told me.
Because my mom didn't talk to me much. She worked a lot, got home late. So did my dad. I usually had to make my own dinner, and dinner for Mark, and often Abby came home from school with me and we'd eat together. This was good because they were running old episodes of 7th Heaven in the afternoons, and we would watch them as we ate and Mark played video games in his room. Abby's dad had moved out but her mom got full custody, so she didn't have to move to Colorado. She didn't talk about him much these days, but I noticed that she always watched the TV really closely whenever Eric Camden came on.
It was hard, sometimes, to watch the show. Mary was gone; she had gone bad and vandalized the school gym and then had kept getting into trouble, and finally Eric and Annie had had no choice but to send her to the Colonel's house in Buffalo so he could help her. This was sad for Abby and me, because the Camdens were having real problems just like real families did, and we didn't want anything bad to happen to them. But at least Lucy was doing okay. She had gotten engaged to a cute guy played by a guy from 'N Sync and she was going to become a minister just like Eric. It was really romantic, especially when the guy, whose name was Jeremy, took her to a club and she sang for him.
"That's love," Abby said to me the Saturday we watched it together. "That's what I want a boy to do for me."
I nodded. They were so perfect together. Jimmy and Rod had just been boyfriends; this was the real thing.
Only it wasn't. I never understood why, since Jeremy never really appeared on the show again.
But I still liked Lucy. I felt really bad for her as she tried to get over Jeremy. And I felt badly for Annie, too, because of the menopause. It was hard to be a Camden now, but I still would have rather been Lucy than Michelle. Than me.
Because my life was too hard. My mom and dad worked all the time, except for that one summer when they took Mark and me on vacation and it went badly and everybody got mad at each other. I don't know whose fault it was but I just wanted things to be right. I just wanted a family that was always happy, like the Camdens.
And I wanted a boyfriend. So did Abby. Even Theresa had a boyfriend, and he was going to take her to the prom. Is it so wrong to want a boyfriend? Is it so wrong to want to kiss a guy?
If only Abby and I were pretty like Lucy, we'd get boyfriends. Look at all the guys she has who like her. Look at all the guys she kisses. Robbie likes her too, and he's cute.
Like Kevin.
God, Kevin was a hunk.
Like Vick.
I couldn't believe it. Vick liked Abby. He asked her to the prom.
Vick!
#
He was so cool. I remember that. Vick was cool. Nothing bothered him, nothing phased him. He was new in school, but he fit in right away during our senior year. Maybe it was because he didn't know too many people that he asked Abby out. Whatever.
She was going, of course. She had to. You don't turn down a guy like Vick.
You just don't.
I got asked too. It was late and I knew I was only asked because there weren't many people left and no one wanted to be alone on the big night. And yeah, it was Jim who asked me.
You remember Jim. The guy who was always looking at the girls, always leering?
Well, I said yes, because I didn't want to be alone, and the truth was that Jim wasn't quite as odious as he used to be. He didn't leer anymore; in fact he didn't talk much either, just read books in the library. So I said yes, and Abby and I picked out our gowns together and we talked and made each other up the afternoon before, and we had Vick and Jim pick us up at my house, since Abby's mom was out of town on a business trip or something. I had wanted to do a double date, but Abby said no.
"I asked Vick about it," she said. "He didn't want to."
I smiled.
"That's cool. I'll see you at the dance, anyway. Maybe I'll get a dance with Vick."
She giggled. "Not with my boyfriend."
#
It was nice. Jim was nice. He held the door for me when I got in his car, and he bought me dinner at a good restaurant, and it was nice to feel pretty and all. I think he wanted to kiss me, too, but he was nervous, and I didn't really want to kiss him anyway.
You are supposed to save your kissing for people you love, and I didn't love Jim. Love is one of those things you know right away.
So we got to the dance, and we danced, and I saw Abby and we talked a bit, but only for a bit, because Vick was always there, so handsome, and I watched as they danced, close, her chin against his chest, and Jim kept stepping on my toes because he was clumsy.
I felt so happy for Abby. A week later she first admitted to me that she was in love with Vick.