AN: OK after being threatened to be hurt badly if I didn't bring Spike back let me clear up a few things I love Spike, so believe me the Big Bad will be back and so will someone else, so be prepared for surprises and the Angel crossover ends in Chapter Ten. Here's chapter nine.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Buffy Quotes used in this story except for the last one used and I do not own the song I will remember you, I did change a couple words in a verse but don't sue I was just making it fit into the story more.
Anya waited impatiently by the phone. Buffy still hadn't called. Xander and Giles kept themselves from not worrying that much by working on the magic shop. Xander and Anya had told Giles their happy news and Xander told Anya to stay put so she wouldn't get hurt.
Anya didn't really like being overprotected but she was overjoyed at Xander's reaction about becoming a father, so she sat by the phone like her told her too.
It was almost dawn when they became really worried.
Xander: They should have called by now
His first thought was: "He better not have hurt them", when Giles finally mentioned the time and the three of them went and waited by the phone.
Anya: Maybe they are out looking for Angel
Giles: (nods) I agree with Anya, I'm sure Buffy will call when everyone is safe.
So they waited.
* * *
Buffy was a complete wreak, she allowed no one near her, she sat on the boat, her knees pulled up to her chest, her head laid on them.
Willow watched her best friend worriedly. She looked at Angel who looked just as worried.
Willow: Angel, Buffy and Spike...they sort of had a relationship
Angel: Did he love her?
Willow: (nods) More then anything, she kept him at a distance like she did with all of us after we brought her back, but he kept pushing her and finally she did really come back to us, she was Buffy again, but I think it made Spike a little upset because she still pushed him away
Angel: But Spike, he didn't have a soul, how could he love her?
Willow: He did Angel, but Before the government put a chip in his head and he helped us and he fell in love with Buffy, it was a big obsession thing at first, but three months ago he crossed the line and he left, he came back two days ago and he said he had a soul, we didn't know the details
Angel didn't say anything, he just watched Buffy sadly, knowing what it was like to lose a loved one and how lost you can feel because of it.
When the boat reached shore, Conner and Dawn who was still crying got off first and headed towards the parked convertible, Fred, Gunn and Wesley did the same.
Willow came off the boat with Buffy, who seemed to be going into another coma-like state. Angel, Willow, Cordelia and Buffy all headed to the hotel together. Willow sat in the back with Buffy trying her best to comfort her and Angel couldn't help but give Cordelia a lovingly glance as she turned on the radio.
The song "I will remember you" came pouring from the speakers and put Buffy in a worse mood.
The song made her think more of Spike and the things that she lost.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
The first thing that popped into Buffy's mind as she listened to the lyrics was when Buffy and Spike first admitted their love to one another, even though it was only a spell.
Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
Xander: How? What? How?
Giles: Three excellent questions
Spike: (to Buffy) What are you looking at?
Buffy: The man I love
More tears rolled down her face as she remembered.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw grinning in the moonlight
Wanna feel your touch upon me I wanna hold you tight.
Buffy laid her head on the window, watching everything pass by. He had always been there... always. To comfort her and hold her, but he was gone.
Buffy: What is it now?
Spike: What's wrong?
Buffy: I don't want to talk about it
Spike: Is there something I can do?
Gone and never coming back.
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
Willow looked at her best friend sadly and placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy looked at her, face red and filled with sorrow. She put her head on Willow's shoulder and began to sob.
Buffy: Why are you always around when I'm miserable?
Spike: Cause that's when your alone. I reckon. I'm not much for crowds these days
Buffy: Me neither
Spike: Works out nicely then
She always liked it when he was around, but she never admitted that to herself.
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard.
Angel looked back at the crying, broken form of his former lover. She didn't deserve to feel like she was. Angel knew Spike had changed even before Willow told him, he also knew that he was one of the reasons, why spike did what he did.
Spike: You should have let him kill me
Buffy: I couldn't
Spike: Why?
Buffy: You know why
Spike: Because you love me
Buffy: No, I don't
Spike: Why are you always lying to yourself?
Buffy: I'm not saying I don't have feelings for you. I do. But it's not love. I could never trust you enough for it to become that
She always lied to him about her feelings, but he always knew the truth.
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories.
Dawn looked out the back of Angel's car, she could see her sister in the car behind them. Buffy's head was on Willow's shoulder staring into space. Dawn felt more tears roll down her face as Conner wrapped his arms around her, she welcomed his warm touch.
Spike: I do remember what I said. The promise, to protect her. If I'd done that...even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't've had to jump. I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course. But after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster, or more clever, you know? Dozen's of times, lots of different ways... every night I save you.
He saved her this night, but she couldn't save him.
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
Cordelia didn't know how to react, she didn't know the whole story with Spike and she didn't know how Angel felt about her now that he was human. She looked in the rearview mirror at Buffy worried but feeling horrible because she loved Angel so much.
Buffy: I'm using you. I can't love you. I'm just being weak, and selfish--
Spike:-- Really not complaining here--
Buffy:-- and it's killing me. I have to be strong about this, I'm sorry...William
He never complained, he just loved her.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Buffy looked at Willow, tears still streaming down her face.
Buffy: I love him
Willow: Buffy...
Buffy: Will, I loved him and I never got to tell him
Willow: He knew Buffy, believe me he knew
Buffy began to sob once more.
Spike: I can't. I love you
Buffy: No, you don't
Spike: You think I haven't tried not to?
She had to stop hiding her feelings from everyone.
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
They pulled in front of the hotel, Angel turned and looked at Buffy.
Angel: Are you alright?
Buffy shook her head and got out of the car with Willow.
Spike: I'm giving you what you deserve, Buffy
Buffy: Spike, Stop this... give me the stake
Spike: I know I can never love you the way I want to, but at least I can make you happy
Happy. He wanted her to be happy.
Weep not for the memories.
Once they were in the hotel Buffy pretty much isolated herself from everyone. Willow called home.
Anya who was half asleep jumped when the shrill sound filled the silent magic shop. Xander answered it.
Xander: (worriedly) Buffy?
Willow: No, It's Willow
Xander: Oh, well is everything all right, you didn't call
Willow: We were a little sidetracked in finding Angel and all that stuff
Xander: What about Cordy?
Willow: She just showed up she was called to be a higher being by the powers that be
Xander: This is Cordelia Chase we're talking about right?
Willow: (sternly) Xander... that's besides the point things have gotten worse
Xander: What? Did Angel lose his soul? Did his son turn into some little baby vampire? (smirks at his own little joke)
Willow: No, And Angel's son isn't a baby he's sixteen, I think
Xander: Huh?
Willow: Don't worry about it, Buffy she's a wreak
Xander: Why? What happened?
Willow: Spike...
Xander: (cuts her off angrily) What did he do to her?
Willow: He saved her life Xander... then he took his own
Xander: (sarcastically) Well now the world can be a better place
Willow: Alexander LaVelle Harris! You can never see what's right in front of your face can you? Buffy loved him and she will not come near anyone, she's falling apart and you still can't get past your differences with Spike for Buffy
Xander: (softly) Willow... I
Willow: I'm not the one you have to apologize to, we'll be home this afternoon then I'll fill you guys in on what happened here.
Xander: ok Will
Willow: Bye Xander
Xander: Bye
(Hangs up)
Buffy was sitting on the hotel stairs looking out the window that showed the sunlit courtyard. She didn't notice Angel come sit next to her.
Angel: Buffy?
Buffy: I don't want to talk
Angel: Ok Then I will, Buffy, Willow told me about Spike... about you and Spike and it's ok that your upset, you loved me
Buffy: (looks at him) It was different with you
Angel: Was it?
Buffy: Yes, very different
Angel: In what way?
Buffy: (looks at her feet) I wasn't using you
Angel: (surprised) What?
Buffy looked at him guiltily and looked back out the window, new tears rolling down her face. Angel wiped them away and Buffy closed her eyes liking his warm touch.
Angel: Don't be so hard on yourself Buffy, his death isn't your fault
Buffy didn't respond, she looked deep in thought, then she looked at Angel a sudden realization had came to her eyes.
Buffy: I-It was my fault Angel, he saw me with you, I was so happy, and forgot about him...A-all... everything we went through...\
More tears rolled down her cheeks.
Buffy: He saw it coming Angel, he knew Angel, it is my fault
Angel: What did he see coming?
Buffy: He saw the chance of me falling in love with you again
A nervous expression swept across Angel face, he needed to tell Buffy the truth about his feelings, even though telling her might brake her heart even more.
Angel: Buffy, you do know that it could never work again between us right?
Buffy looked at Angel confused, her face red and wet with tears
Buffy: I don't know? What are you trying to say?
Angel: Buffy, I'm going to tell you something that... that might be a little hard to say to you now but I can't let you leave here with out knowing, but you have to remember I do care about you an I do love you but...
Buffy looked at Angel with a "Get on with it" look through her sorrow filled face.
Angel: I'm in love with Cordelia
* * *
The first feeling he felt was a rush of wind then the sensation of falling, then he hit the ground with a soft thump. He looked up to see a familiar face, smiling brightly at him, he stood up, shocked at the form in front of him.
"I've been waiting for you"
AN: OOOOOOOO I wonder who the mystery people are? hmmmm well one should be obvious but the other... well you'll have to wait for Chapter ten of Grief, which I promise will have a happy ending. PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! Maybe Chapter ten will appear faster on Fanfiction if I get more reviews????