Chapter Sixteen: Morbid Depression

A moan escaped Holly's mouth as the ghosts of yesterday's events swarmed around in her mind, pinning Holly's heavy head to the bed, not allowing her to get up, as if punishing her for the excessive amount of fairy alcohol she had had at Trouble's last night. Although this fairy alcohol was different than what the Mud Men drank, (it had been specially tampered with to suit fairies who needed a quick drink to drown their sorrows, yet not completely destroy them unlike those who indulged in the Mud People's alcoholic beverages aboveground), Holly had never been close friends with alcohol, and it clearly did not want anything to do with her either, as her body lay stiffly on the bed like it had been nailed to wood. Her mouth felt as if it had been lined with fuzzy cheese spread, and her limbs seemed to weigh about a ton each as she struggled to lift them up, but to no avail.

Holly's eyes squinted as they fluttered open briefly. She groaned again as she muttered something unintelligible and buried her face under the pillow. Her head seemed to be full of liquid as her usually-clear thoughts seemed to have drowned in the jumbled mass of her brain. She didn't feel like getting up. Not today. Not tomorrow, either. Not ever, she thought tiredly, the throbbing pain in her head emphasizing her answer. Her body ached with exhaustion as she tried to lift a hand to her cheek, feeling how flushed it was.

I wonder why, she thought vaguely, drifting in and out of consciousness, her head dizzy with the after-effects of alcohol. Resisting the temptation to succumb to the welcoming arms of dreamland, Holly tried to push herself off the bed, but her body wasn't cooperating. She rolled off the bed lazily without thinking, and crashed into a heap on the floor below, making things worse than they already were. Holly groaned as her head began to feel as if it were being squeezed in a giant nutcracker, and it began to spin more vehemently than before, sending the room in a whirl of messy colour.

Immediately, all that moving caused a surge of nausea to wash over her as she felt the contents of her stomach rising up her throat. Struggling to get to her feet, Holly's legs had all the strength of cooked spaghetti as she stumbled weakly to the bathroom, barely managing to get her head over the toilet bowl in time before the queasiness caught up with her and she found herself vomiting everything out, in heave after sickening heave.

The putrid stench of vomit filled the tiny bathroom and Holly's head began to spin once more. Crawling on her knees, she flushed the toilet hurriedly, and tried to stand, before the room started to spin around her and she collapsed on legs that could hardly support her.

She felt terrible, and she found herself calling out for Artemis as the stench of vomit overwhelmed her and she felt nauseous again. She hated that she was so dependent on him, that she needed to see him everyday, that she was no longer herself. Yet, Holly chided herself, hateful as these new traits were, what could she do about them? They all came naturally, and she was powerless to stop them. Just like she was powerless to stop the way she felt for Artemis; powerless to show that love in quirky ways like sarcastic remarks.

Holly indistinctly heard someone knocking on her door as she stood up unsteadily, trying to ignore the dizziness in her head, and wobbled over to her bedroom, without energy to start the day. Next time, Holly thought wryly, don't ever drink alcohol. Holly clutched the doorknob, trying to steady herself as she ventured out into the living room, opening the door before sinking down into a couch, dog-tired.

"Holly? What's up that you can't even perform such trivial things like opening the door?"

For a moment in Holly's alcohol-induced brain, she thought it was Artemis, before she realised that there was something different in the voice somehow. And in the forced sarcasm too. Artemis never had a kind of forced sarcasm.

"Shut up Trouble," Holly moaned. "I feel pooped."

"Well, what a nice way to greet someone who's just doing his routine friendly afternoon check-up on a dear friend," Trouble said, closing the door and plopping himself down onto a seat beside her.

Holly was in no mood to play along. "Where's Artemis?" was the first thing she murmured, shutting her eyes. It was a good thing she did, so that her eyes did not register the brief flash of intense jealousy that crossed Trouble's eyes.

"Let's not talk about him," he said curtly, sounding angry at the mention of Artemis' name. Holly was distracted and did not answer, feeling a surge of nausea rise up to meet her and suddenly finding the willpower to dash to the bathroom, she vomited again for the second time.

Trouble pinched his nose as he came in after her. "You don't seem all right, Holly," he said worriedly.

"I thought the bathroom was supposed to be private," Holly said sardonically, her stomach not feeling any better.

Trouble ignored her sarcasm. "Hangover, Holly?" he asked simply.

Holly nodded weakly.

"Come on, Holly. You're in no state to work today. I'll help you to the bedroom."

"Don't rape me," Holly murmured dryly.

Trouble chuckled. "I won't, tempting as the idea may be."

"Pervert."

Trouble was stumped for a reply as he helped Holly to her bedroom. Getting used to this sarcasm stuff is hard work, Trouble thought. Later on I'll have to pop over to the LEP to inform them that Holly and I won't be working tonight. He drew the blankets over Holly as he placed her reverently on the bed. Looking down at her feeble form, he thought again, I need to take care of her, now that Artemis isn't around. He almost chuckled at the thought, but luckily, he stopped himself before Holly could sense anything fishy going on.

He got out a towel and ran it under warm water. Wringing the liquid out of the towel, he placed the damp, warm cloth on Holly's head. Holly was sleeping again, obviously deciding to give in to the temptations of slumber. She seemed to be muttering something constantly, before she decided to shut up, and then after a minute or two she'd start up again.

Trouble kneeled by her side and whispered in her ear, "I'll be back soon, Holly," before he left the room and walked out of the front door, jogging towards the LEP Building to apply for leave tonight.

~*~

Night

Trouble had taken out a chair and kept company by Holly's side all evening long. Feeling the tendrils of sleep coming to get him as well, he had no qualms as he succumbed to them, snoozing briefly as he lay back in his chair, arms folded across his chest. His pointy ears briefly heard a stir and he woke up, realising that Holly was up and awake, and she had been looking curiously at him.

Probably curious at to why I'm here, he thought, sitting up and smiling at her.

"Feeling better already?" he asked.

"I'm not as weak as you think," she retorted, sitting up, the blanket forgotten, the towel sliding off her forehead. Trouble caught the falling cloth expertly in his hands, fiddling nervously with it as he continued a conversation with her.

Holly looked around her. "What time is it?" she asked, confused.

"Roughly about eight, I should say."

"Has Artemis been here?" Holly asked softly, directing a questioning look at him.

Trouble refused to let guilt ravage the depths of his heart, and briefly felt his heart turning into steel as he replied coldly, "Artemis isn't here anymore, Holly."

Trouble saw Holly give a visible jolt. Confusion rose in her eyes as a desperate need to find out what happened overwhelmed her voice, "Why?! Where is he?!"

Trouble pretended to look pained by the whole situation. Better to sympathize with Holly, Trouble, he told himself. He tried to put a quavering note in his voice as he looked away, presumably as if he was hurt, and said, "It would be best if I didn't tell you, Holly."

Holly was beside herself as she jumped out of bed and shook him roughly. She wasn't an LEP officer for nothing. She was as assertive as they could get. "Trouble...Trouble! Look at me, D'Arvit! Tell me!"

"No, Holly."

"I have a right to know," she hissed, losing all patience, fire present in her hazel eyes.

Trouble pretended to hesitate, like any potential news-breaker would. He turned slowly to face her, keeping his act convincing. He managed to get a sombre look in his eye before dropping his tone to a low whisper and beginning solemnly, "Holly...I don't know if it's the right time to be telling you."

"I'm fine, D'Arvit! Where's Artemis?"

"Like I said. He's gone."

"Gone? Gone? What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Exactly like what it means. He's gone, Holly; he's left, departed, whatever you want to call it. Not in a dying sort of way. What I mean is that he's just....gone. He's not here in Haven anymore."

"You're kidding."

"I kid you not."

"Why on earth did he leave?" Holly whispered furiously, hurt and disbelief etched out in her hazel eyes.

A knife twisted around in Trouble's heart at the sight of Holly's misery. But what had to be done had been done, it was too late for regrets now. And in this way, he was a step closer to achieving what he had always wanted. "I don't know, Holly. I tried looking for him at the Honeybee Inn, where he usually is. But he'd checked out."

At this, Holly became visibly agitated. She lost control and flailed her arms furiously at the news. Her voice rose to a desperate, pleading sort of tone as she said, "Did you check any other inns? There are a thousand or more in Haven! He could be in any one of those! Come on, Trouble, let's go look for him, he must be one of them, he just checked out of Honeybee because he had had enough of those provocative -"

Trouble caught Holly's arms and tried to calm her down. "Stop it, Holly! It's no use!"

" - ladies, he's much too civilised for all of them, that's why he checked out -"

"Holly -"

" - he just can't have gone back, I just saw him last night and he showed no signs of it -"

"Holly -"

" - it's not like him not to say goodbye either, I mean, I know he can be cold and all but it's just -"

"HOLLY!" Trouble yelled furiously to get her attention. Holly shut up right away, staring at him with bewildered eyes.

"Holly, listen to me. It's no use checking all of the inns when you know he's probably not going to be in any of them. I mean, think of it this way - if he wanted you to find him, he would have told us that he was checking out of Honeybee Inn and was checking in somewhere else. The fact is that he didn't. He doesn't want you anymore. He's gone, Holly. Accept it."

"Shut up," Holly hissed furiously, tears beginning to well up in her eyes as hidden agreements that Trouble was right began to sink into her heart. "You don't know anything."

"Oh, Holly..." Trouble began, kissing her hand lightly to try and cheer her up. "You're the one who's clueless. Do you remember yesterday's reunion party, in which you got horribly drunk? Did you know who carried you back here because you had already passed out at my house?"

"Artemis?" Holly answered curtly, her heart obviously starting to harden because of the fact that Artemis had left her alone again. "I vaguely remember the feel of his arms -"

Trouble began to weave his web of lies. "No, Holly, that's where you're wrong." He hoped Holly couldn't tell through his facade. "It was me, Holly. It wasn't Artemis. You know why? After the party, he pulled me aside to talk to me."

"And what did he say? That he was such a jerk?" Holly said bitterly, her heart closing like it had done many times over the years. To her mother's death, Riley's rejection, her father's evil, and then now to Artemis. He had failed her, like so many had done before. And to think she had wanted to believe in him. She had wanted to believe that love was eternal. Now she knew what an idiot she had been to believe that it would have lasted forever.

"He told me how he didn't feel like he belonged here. And not even you could help him feel like he belonged. You see, Holly, he wasn't really in love with you."

"What do you mean?" Holly hissed scathingly, feeling cheated.

"You see, Holly, he's just a lonely guy. He hasn't had a girlfriend either. He wondered what the experience would feel like, and when you came along, he felt that you were perfect for this experiment. You were all...vulnerable, much unlike your usual fearless self, and so desperate for someone to cling on to while you tried to sort out your supposedly insane mind. All he did was be that someone you needed, and you fell for it quicker than I can say D'Arvit."

"That's....that's not true," Holly said defensively, shaking her head as she backed away from Trouble. "You're lying!"

Trouble closed his eyes, pretending to be hurt by what Holly had said. "I tell you this because we're friends, Holly, and I don't want you to go away with a false impression of Artemis, when I know he's such a snake! He just wanted a bit of fun, Holly, now that he's bored with you he's gone home like the coward he is."

"Artemis...Artemis would never do that," Holly said fiercely, preventing Trouble from killing off the final spark in Holly and Artemis' relationship that had bound them together. She knew it was childish to hold on to such a fragile bit of hope, but she wasn't ready to let go. Not yet. Not ever. She had given so many pieces of her heart to Artemis, surely he would have appreciated it? He couldn't just take her as a bit of fun!

A slow grin spread lazily over Artemis' face as he used his fingertips to ever so slightly whisk away a strand of hair out of Holly's eyes. The gesture alone was enough to make Holly's heart beat so fast within her ribcage that if it went any quicker, it would explode into nothingness.

Holly shut her eyes, holding on to that last memory, refusing to let Trouble's words penetrate her and tear her heart apart. It had shed enough blood over the years, surely it could be spared this time?

"He's done it, Holly. Look at you. You've fallen into his trap. And now he's left you cold," Trouble went on relentlessly.

Artemis grinned. "We are getting nowhere with all this, Holly. Shall I cut straight to the chase, and ask you what I really mean to - that is, if you missed me today?"

"You are being so nauseatingly corny that even if I ran to the bathroom at the amazing speed of light, the short time would not hold back my puke," Holly shot back.

"Your knowledge of science is appalling!" Artemis said theatrically, drawing a large gasp dramatically. "Surely you must know that it is virtually impossible to beat the speed of light?"

Holly yawned. "If you always initiate such boring conversation, it is no wonder you don't have a social life."

Artemis smiled. "I'm not the only one."

Holly held fast to her memories, until they spun around her head so fast they were just as blur. Did Artemis mean them? Did Artemis mean any of it? Holly thought helplessly, tears cascading down her face. As she debated the answer, the thoughts seemed to carry whips of their own, lashing out at her head and tormenting her as the bittersweet memories flew around her head, making it a riot of scars. They seemed to be punishing her for being so gullible.

And oh, thinking of Artemis was painful. It was painful because he might have cheated her. She felt humiliated. She felt naked, because Artemis had taken all of her pride and feelings away from her. She felt she had been stripped down into absolutely nothing.

"He's made you a fool. Holly, wake up from the fantasy you're in because it's not real! Artemis never loved you!" Trouble shouted.

Holly snapped. "Shut up! Get out! Get out! Get out of my house right now! Get out this instant!" she yelled, tears blinding her vision as she shoved Trouble out of the door, slamming it behind her, locking it, and cradling her head in her arms, sobbing.

The memories continued to torture her mind, as her heart followed suit and old wounds were re-opened. The wounds that Artemis had healed, with his peculiar affection towards her. Now that he had gone, they re-opened, and were made worse by the fact that the healer of her heart had just cheated her of the very feelings she gave to him. You could have stabbed her heart repeatedly and Holly would feel no more pain as she did now.

I think I have never been so pathetic, Holly thought miserably, clutching her thin legs against her chest protectively, wanting to make herself as small and inconspicuous as possible. Now that Artemis had ripped away her fearless facade, she felt she had no right to face the world. She felt defeated. She felt as if she had no more energy to fight anything else out there.

All she wanted to do was disappear. Disappear so no one could hurt her ever again.

A lone tear stained the wooden floorboards of Holly's bedroom as she failed to wipe it away from her face. She was all alone now. Defenceless.

~*~

Three days later

"Holly, open up, please."

Holly did not budge, and stared blankly ahead at the space in front of her. How overwhelming.

"Holly! It's been three days...you can't be like this forever!"

Holly did not reply, and chose to be silent. She had lapsed into morbid depression. She would not come out, would not talk, would not let anyone come in. For the world did not deserve to take one look at this miserable creature, and then shake their heads in pity. This was her punishment. This was her punishment for being so naive. Her heart would no longer open itself to the world. It would no longer be a warm, affectionate organ.

"I don't even know if you're dead or alive, D'Arvit!"

Following that statement, several sharp raps rained on the door, but Holly ignored them. Her ears seemed to be loafing on their job as they effectively let the sounds around her just wash over her, leaving her in her own world. And all she thought about when she was in this world, was how Artemis had hurt her. And how she had been so brainless to believe his lies. It was a cycle of torture that would never end, and Holly wallowed deep in her sorrow, believing it was all her own fault. She almost hated Artemis for destroying her this way, but hated herself even more for allowing herself to lose her heart to him.

"Holly...." the voice was losing patience.

Holly continued to stare ahead of her.

Behind the door, an exasperated Trouble turned to Commander Root, who was standing next to him. "You see what I mean? How do I get her to come out? It's infuriating! She'll starve to death at this rate!"

Commander Root nodded grimly in agreement, and balled his hands into fists. "What I would love to do now is to give Artemis a good kick up the -"

"I wish I had never told her about Artemis!" Trouble cried.

Commander Root sighed. "I beg to differ. I'd rather she know about the truth behind Artemis now rather than she live her life day by day, her ears foolishly perking up at the sound of any sarcastic comment. Ultimately, it would destroy her."

"I reckon both ways she would be destroyed. It's just that the truth's a faster way," Trouble said sadly.

"Cheer up, old chap. Maybe we could break this door down."

"You reckon?" Trouble said, missing the pun.

Root caught it, and chuckled as he began lamely, "Yeah, of course I'm Recon. Come on, on the count of three."

"I think we'd better not. We might dislocate a shoulder," Trouble said wisely.

"That would be mildly putting it," Root admitted.

"So we're back to the shouting," Trouble sighed, and began to bang furiously on the door. "HOLLY!"

"Here we go again," Root grumbled.

Suddenly, the door was flung open, and Trouble fell into the room in surprise. He heard Root laughing behind him as he crashed into the room face-down, registering the pain and going "Ouch" before he looked up and saw a hazel-eyed beauty walking away from him, and then settling down again in the same corner, looking into the space beyond.

"Holly?" he tried tentatively, getting up and dusting himself off. She didn't reply.

He walked over to her and seated himself beside her, trying for small talk. Root had wisely left them to their own privacy.

"Underground to Holly," he tried lamely, waving a hand in front of her.

No reply, no movement.

"So you let me in. Why the sudden decision?"

"You were getting on my nerves," Holly replied, the answer short and clipped. She was still detached from the outside world.

"So I take that as a cue to shut up?"

"Please do," Holly said scathingly, not even looking at him.

Trouble sighed. "Why are you doing this, Holly?"

She didn't reply.

Trouble felt guilty about Holly's misery, but at least the obstacle in his way had been removed. "I'm really sorry about Artemis, but I felt you needed to know," Trouble said hesitantly. Suddenly, Holly turned to look at him, and before he could do anything, she had lunged forward and claimed his lips with hers. The impact had sent him lying on the ground, and relishing in the fact that Holly was kissing him for some absurd reason, Trouble delighted in the sweetness of it all before rational thought occupied his mind and he pushed her away, his heart beating erratically.

"What are you, crazy or something?!" Trouble blurted out, trying to calm down.

"I thought you liked me," Holly said flatly.

"Yes, of course I do, but it's wrong, you're not yourself," Trouble said warily. "Did you do it because you wanted to get Artemis out of your head or what?! Because if you did then it's definitely wrong."

Since when were you so ethical, Trouble? he asked himself. When you had no qualms in destroying Artemis' and Holly's happiness by chasing him away. He decided to ignore that question, and observed Holly's reaction.

Holly gave him a stony look before she crept back into her own world, where it was safe.

Trouble was still trying to slow down his heart rate when he noticed that Holly was locking herself out of the world again.

"Do you...do you want something to eat?" Trouble asked concernedly.

"I'm not hungry. Leave me alone."

"I won't."

Holly did not reply.

Trouble couldn't stand to see Holly destroy herself any longer.

"Come on, Holly! I'm going to take you somewhere."

Trouble held the lifeless hand of Holly Short and led her out of the door. Holly Short only had a mildly amused look on her face as Trouble forcibly dragged her out of the house, adamant to put a smile on this gloomy female, and damned he would be if he didn't.

For both, it was a new beginning that they would both cherish and experience, and ironically, a beginning that both would have liked to forget.

Author's Note:

Here are my replies to some queries left in the reviews:

uh? - You might have gotten confused because I didn't explain what Trouble's plan was. But that was the whole point. You're not supposed to know. Basically it's just him going a bit evil and blabbering constantly about how successful his plan is going to be. Then he drives Artemis away at the last part. Make much sense now? -_-' I don't think so...

Magic Girl2 - Nice try, but no, that wasn't what Trouble said. :) You'll just have to find out what he said in the later chapters...Muahahahaha I'm so evil!!

Misti - I just updated my Easyjournal, so you can go read it if you want to. I'm now *trying* to update it on a regular basis.

Windswift - Gaaarrgh! You got me there! I know there are many little little quirks in my story, and that's because I haven't been doing enough research. I went back to re-read Artemis Fowl Book One again though, so my later chapters won't have so many faults.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I'd just like to tell everyone I'm going on holiday from the 16th of November to the 21st as well as from the 6th of December to the 18th, so don't expect updates during those periods of time. I'll try to update as much as I can before I go on holiday though. Cheero!