Escapes:
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the camera Butler smashed in the last chapter.
Foaly: Hey, that was mine!
Trisani: Oh, yeah, so I don't own anything. Waaaahhh!
Complaints: I WANT TO START MY OTHER FIC!! It's sure that nobody's been reviewing this one! I did the last chapter and no one noticed. Yes I'll finish this first, but if my patience and dedication starts fraying, I just might cut everything short to a cliffhanger. HA!
Annie: Trisani, what are you doing?
Trisani: Nothing.
(Audience boos loudly)
Annie: Surrrre.
Lucy: Have you been threatening the readers again?
Trisani: No.
(Audience boos loudly)
Selene: Don't worry guys. We'll capture her with an army of goblins, and start tearing her apartment building down, after we torch her-
(Audience boos loudly)
Annie: Oooook Selene, I don't think the audience wants to know that.
(Audience boos loudly)
Lucy: On with the fic!
(Audience boos loudly)
This'll be a moderately boring chapter. I sent this out in honor of everyone who likes torturing Artemis Fowl. All right? Please don't kill me Artemis fans. (instead gets pelted with rotten apples) Owww.. Anyway, Holly tortures Artemis, Butler gets bored to death, Foaly gets a really good laugh on the security cameras while being pulverized, and we get to see more of what the LEP normally does without world-threatening life forms.
Exasperation:
"First Obstacle ready! All candidates head to the South Field!" the announcer boomed overhead in speakers. Artemis recognized it as Foaly. And he suddenly realized how little he knew about fairykind, and their daily lives. Somehow, he was sure that they did not walk around everyday battling evil kidnappers.
Vaguely, he wondered why the message to come to the South Field was only being played in the South Field. It seemed a bit. incompetent. "It's because fairies have much more high-pitch sensor ears. Now get moving to Obstacle # 1, Fowl." Said a voice behind him. He spun around to see.. Nothing.
Then he remembered where he was, and looked down. Commander Holly Short. "Commander Short." He retorted, allowing 'Commander' to somehow rhyme with 'pond-scum'. She flashed him a smile he wasn't sure he liked, and showed him what seemed to a tiny bead of light on her ear. "Foaly's new READ 3000.A Radiation Energy Assumption Decipherer. Gibberish aside, it's supposed to read thoughts. And, I assure you, it's working perfectly."
Her smile vanished, as if whisked away by magic, and she snapped him a "Fowl, report to the field immediately." He felt himself marching towards a bunch of. Were those stonewalls? What were they doing in the middle of nowhere? He felt bemused, a feeling he was getting to know better as he spent more and more time on this particular mission.
"Fowl." He heard Holly sigh as he turned around to acknowledge her again. "Fowl, you fool. Go climb that wall, but before you do that, put the climbing gear first." She spoke slowly and gently, as if he were an idiot, not a thirteen-year-old genius. Artemis stiffened. He was a Fowl, and no Fowl had let any common soldier speak like that to them for a long time. To his twisted mind, revenge was quite in order.
So he slapped her, to punish her for her cheek.
Or he would've, had her hand not come out of nowhere, grabbed his wrist, flipped him over, and then, without even breathing hard, laid a foot on his stomach, looking triumphant. Plus, to add insult to injury, Holly inexorably bent down, and slapped him, exactly the way he meant to do to her.
"Reflexes, Fowl." She said softly. Artemis was dazed. "What?" he said, befuddled. "Reflexes!" snapped his commanding officer, losing her patience. "You need quicker reaction if you really want to hit your commander, not to mention a bigger fist, and stronger arms." Still chuckling over her latest victory, she turned away.
Artemis seethed inwardly, but maintained a calm outward appearance. He would have enough time to bide for his revenge on Holly. Imagine the audacity of that.. that.. fairy! He was so busy plotting, and trying to figure out which way the climbing rope went on, that he didn't notice he had called the Commander by her first name.
Operations Booth:
Butler was getting even twitchier than the hour before, if that was possible. At least, this time, he had no mimicking camera to bug him. Though, almost as if to make up for the camera, Foaly was making more jokes than ever. He had gotten, almost out of nowhere, a book called "The Centaur's Guide To Making Security Jokes" and was using them all on Butler.
Suddenly, Butler spied action in what Foaly told him was commonly called the "Safe" Room, named so for all the safes in there, full of all of Foaly's new inventions. There was an actual thief in there! Butler felt adrenaline coursing through his veins. Chasing thieves was what he was born to do, and this was offially an end to his boredom!
"Foaly." He had trouble keeping his voice level. "Foaly, there's a thief in the Safe Room." The centaur, looking bored and amused at the same time, glanced over at the security screens. "Oh, so there is." He said agreeably. "I'll get him." Said Butler grimly, cracking his overlarge knuckles, allowing them to make sounds like gunshots. "I'll make him wish he was never born. Foaly, this'll only take a second-" "Butler, Butler, Butler.." The centaur sounded even more amused. "My way is easier."
"Your way?" said Butler confusedly. As if in explanation, the centaur hovered his chair over to a few keyboards, and pushed in three keys. Immediately, ten security guards showed up in the Safe Room to confront the thief. There was a very brief scuffle, then, one of them stood up, holding the disgraced elf in one hand, and waved at the camera.
"Oh." Was all Butler could say. His exercise, gone. Back to boredom, and even more boring; staring at unchanging plasma screens. "Oh." He said again, feeling something he had never felt before, piteous. "Your way." He said sadly, staring at the blank spot where the thief had been moments before. In that one second of self-pity, he wished he had taken the job of security man for the president of the United States. Just for that second.
Training: South Field:
Artemis was just about to start. Several of the occupants in the line glared at him, mouthed 'mud worm', and gave him a wide berth. Artemis didn't care. He himself would've rather been at home, in his room. Unfortunately, Fate had decided otherwise. Curse Fate.
He leaped on to the wall, crashed into his own face, and became unconscious, all in one fluid moment. Holly Short instantly appeared on the scene. She smiled serenely. She had, of course, deliberately made the wall look a meter farther away than it actually was, which caused Artemis to go bang! She wasn't sorry at all. It was just so much fun to torture him.
Fowl Mansion:
"Inject the sodium penthol. Perhaps then she'll tell me where my son has gone." A dark voice said near the beginning of the creaky staircase that led upstairs. "Yes, of course, right away, Your Richness." Whispered a servile sounding voice. There was a sound of liquid sloshing, a female's small squeak of pain, and then a dull voice speaking.
"Arty had an idea about fairies.."
Soo. How do you like it? Complaints? REVIEW! You have a right to your own opinion, and to express it. If I get to around 35 reviews, e-mail me and I will install a dramatic installment of myself getting an Emmy! * ____^
Thanx,
Trisani
P.S. Thanx to all the great people who reviewed B4.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the camera Butler smashed in the last chapter.
Foaly: Hey, that was mine!
Trisani: Oh, yeah, so I don't own anything. Waaaahhh!
Complaints: I WANT TO START MY OTHER FIC!! It's sure that nobody's been reviewing this one! I did the last chapter and no one noticed. Yes I'll finish this first, but if my patience and dedication starts fraying, I just might cut everything short to a cliffhanger. HA!
Annie: Trisani, what are you doing?
Trisani: Nothing.
(Audience boos loudly)
Annie: Surrrre.
Lucy: Have you been threatening the readers again?
Trisani: No.
(Audience boos loudly)
Selene: Don't worry guys. We'll capture her with an army of goblins, and start tearing her apartment building down, after we torch her-
(Audience boos loudly)
Annie: Oooook Selene, I don't think the audience wants to know that.
(Audience boos loudly)
Lucy: On with the fic!
(Audience boos loudly)
This'll be a moderately boring chapter. I sent this out in honor of everyone who likes torturing Artemis Fowl. All right? Please don't kill me Artemis fans. (instead gets pelted with rotten apples) Owww.. Anyway, Holly tortures Artemis, Butler gets bored to death, Foaly gets a really good laugh on the security cameras while being pulverized, and we get to see more of what the LEP normally does without world-threatening life forms.
Exasperation:
"First Obstacle ready! All candidates head to the South Field!" the announcer boomed overhead in speakers. Artemis recognized it as Foaly. And he suddenly realized how little he knew about fairykind, and their daily lives. Somehow, he was sure that they did not walk around everyday battling evil kidnappers.
Vaguely, he wondered why the message to come to the South Field was only being played in the South Field. It seemed a bit. incompetent. "It's because fairies have much more high-pitch sensor ears. Now get moving to Obstacle # 1, Fowl." Said a voice behind him. He spun around to see.. Nothing.
Then he remembered where he was, and looked down. Commander Holly Short. "Commander Short." He retorted, allowing 'Commander' to somehow rhyme with 'pond-scum'. She flashed him a smile he wasn't sure he liked, and showed him what seemed to a tiny bead of light on her ear. "Foaly's new READ 3000.A Radiation Energy Assumption Decipherer. Gibberish aside, it's supposed to read thoughts. And, I assure you, it's working perfectly."
Her smile vanished, as if whisked away by magic, and she snapped him a "Fowl, report to the field immediately." He felt himself marching towards a bunch of. Were those stonewalls? What were they doing in the middle of nowhere? He felt bemused, a feeling he was getting to know better as he spent more and more time on this particular mission.
"Fowl." He heard Holly sigh as he turned around to acknowledge her again. "Fowl, you fool. Go climb that wall, but before you do that, put the climbing gear first." She spoke slowly and gently, as if he were an idiot, not a thirteen-year-old genius. Artemis stiffened. He was a Fowl, and no Fowl had let any common soldier speak like that to them for a long time. To his twisted mind, revenge was quite in order.
So he slapped her, to punish her for her cheek.
Or he would've, had her hand not come out of nowhere, grabbed his wrist, flipped him over, and then, without even breathing hard, laid a foot on his stomach, looking triumphant. Plus, to add insult to injury, Holly inexorably bent down, and slapped him, exactly the way he meant to do to her.
"Reflexes, Fowl." She said softly. Artemis was dazed. "What?" he said, befuddled. "Reflexes!" snapped his commanding officer, losing her patience. "You need quicker reaction if you really want to hit your commander, not to mention a bigger fist, and stronger arms." Still chuckling over her latest victory, she turned away.
Artemis seethed inwardly, but maintained a calm outward appearance. He would have enough time to bide for his revenge on Holly. Imagine the audacity of that.. that.. fairy! He was so busy plotting, and trying to figure out which way the climbing rope went on, that he didn't notice he had called the Commander by her first name.
Operations Booth:
Butler was getting even twitchier than the hour before, if that was possible. At least, this time, he had no mimicking camera to bug him. Though, almost as if to make up for the camera, Foaly was making more jokes than ever. He had gotten, almost out of nowhere, a book called "The Centaur's Guide To Making Security Jokes" and was using them all on Butler.
Suddenly, Butler spied action in what Foaly told him was commonly called the "Safe" Room, named so for all the safes in there, full of all of Foaly's new inventions. There was an actual thief in there! Butler felt adrenaline coursing through his veins. Chasing thieves was what he was born to do, and this was offially an end to his boredom!
"Foaly." He had trouble keeping his voice level. "Foaly, there's a thief in the Safe Room." The centaur, looking bored and amused at the same time, glanced over at the security screens. "Oh, so there is." He said agreeably. "I'll get him." Said Butler grimly, cracking his overlarge knuckles, allowing them to make sounds like gunshots. "I'll make him wish he was never born. Foaly, this'll only take a second-" "Butler, Butler, Butler.." The centaur sounded even more amused. "My way is easier."
"Your way?" said Butler confusedly. As if in explanation, the centaur hovered his chair over to a few keyboards, and pushed in three keys. Immediately, ten security guards showed up in the Safe Room to confront the thief. There was a very brief scuffle, then, one of them stood up, holding the disgraced elf in one hand, and waved at the camera.
"Oh." Was all Butler could say. His exercise, gone. Back to boredom, and even more boring; staring at unchanging plasma screens. "Oh." He said again, feeling something he had never felt before, piteous. "Your way." He said sadly, staring at the blank spot where the thief had been moments before. In that one second of self-pity, he wished he had taken the job of security man for the president of the United States. Just for that second.
Training: South Field:
Artemis was just about to start. Several of the occupants in the line glared at him, mouthed 'mud worm', and gave him a wide berth. Artemis didn't care. He himself would've rather been at home, in his room. Unfortunately, Fate had decided otherwise. Curse Fate.
He leaped on to the wall, crashed into his own face, and became unconscious, all in one fluid moment. Holly Short instantly appeared on the scene. She smiled serenely. She had, of course, deliberately made the wall look a meter farther away than it actually was, which caused Artemis to go bang! She wasn't sorry at all. It was just so much fun to torture him.
Fowl Mansion:
"Inject the sodium penthol. Perhaps then she'll tell me where my son has gone." A dark voice said near the beginning of the creaky staircase that led upstairs. "Yes, of course, right away, Your Richness." Whispered a servile sounding voice. There was a sound of liquid sloshing, a female's small squeak of pain, and then a dull voice speaking.
"Arty had an idea about fairies.."
Soo. How do you like it? Complaints? REVIEW! You have a right to your own opinion, and to express it. If I get to around 35 reviews, e-mail me and I will install a dramatic installment of myself getting an Emmy! * ____^
Thanx,
Trisani
P.S. Thanx to all the great people who reviewed B4.