Disclaimers: I do not own the characters or anything from the world of Buffy. They belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. I am making no money from this story, it's just for my and other fans enjoyment.
Summary: After a long period of separation from Buffy and the Scoobies, Spike is suddenly thrust back into their lives after he goes through a startling transformation.
Rating: R (I don't think it will reach NC-17, but you never know. Will provide link to my site if it happens and continue posting the story there.)
Authors Note: The story takes place after "Crush" and a little AU for "I Was Made To Love You" and everything following that episode. In the Magic Box they're a tad bit harsher to Spike and he doesn't go out and get the Bot made. The rest of the season is the basically the same just without Spike being there for all of it and Buffy didn't have to jump on the tower so she never died in my story (didn't want depressed Buffy). Spike remains alone and isolated the whole time from "I Was Made To Love You" all the way up to "The Gift". The story starts off a week or so after the fight with Glory.
Special Thanks: To Saka, Newydd, Wynn, and Dsdragon.
Chapter 2
Dawn stood staring out her bedroom window. Her arm and shoulder throbbed. She reached over with her other hand to lightly touch the sling. The pain she felt, in the end, was a very small price to pay. When Doc had approached her, she had managed to slip one wrist free from its binding. She'd stood trapped, and in a split-second decision she'd jumped from the tower. Doc had moved to stop her, and in his haste had sent himself off the edge of the tall platform. She, on the other hand, had been saved by the rope still bound to her other wrist. She laughed softly to herself. If Doc had thought about the situation for just a moment, he would have realized she wasn't going to fall. Instead, he had rushed forward like a fledging vampire hungry for its first kill.
God, now she was even thinking like her sister! "If I don't start getting out soon I'll go nuts."
She walked over to her bed to sit down stiffly: more sore muscles from when Glory had roughed her up. Lying down on her back, she stared at the ceiling, letting her mind wander. Strangely, she found her thoughts drifting to Spike. She hadn't thought of him in weeks. After the big scene at his crypt with Buffy and then all the Glory stuff, she hadn't given him a second thought. All of a sudden she felt very curious. Had he left town like Buffy had said she wanted? Was he still around? If he was, where had he been and what had he been doing? She decided to ask the others in the morning.
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When Dawn woke the next day she found her sister still asleep. She decided not to wake her. All the stress from the past months was still weighing heavily on the Slayer and she really needed the rest. Dawn left a note on the bathroom mirror, where Buffy was sure to find it, and proceeded out the door and to the Magic Box.
As she walked, she remembered the previous night's stray thoughts of Spike. By the time she'd reached the Magic Box, they were once again nagging at the corners of her mind. She opened the door to find Giles sitting quietly at the back table enjoying a steaming cup of tea. Xander sat with him and they were both eating donuts from a box on the table. As usual, Anya was behind the counter taking care of one or another of the many tasks necessary for running the business. As Dawn settled herself down at the table, snatching up her own donut, she saw Willow and Tara emerge from the training room in back. She thought this was a good a time as any to bring the subject up.
"Have any of you seen Spike lately?" She asked the group.
Xander was the first to speak up. "Why do you care if any of us have seen the bloodsucker lately?" He stared at her, donut powder heavy on his lips.
"I don't know really. It just kind of popped into my head last night, so I figured I'd ask." She looked at him pointedly, rubbing at her lips trying to signal to him to wipe his mouth.
Giles looked at her, taking the time to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose before he spoke. "Now that you mention it, I haven't seen him since we chased him out of the shop." The Watcher leaned back in his chair, pondering what might have happened to the vampire.
As Willow sat down at the table with Tara, she mumbled, "Neither have I. Maybe he finally got the hint and left town?" She then pulled a text out of her bag and started to flip through it.
Xander sighed. "No, we aren't that lucky. He's probably trying to think of some plan to kill us all without the chip getting in the way, since his whole "I love Buffy" scheme failed so miserably," he said as he wiped at his mouth, finally understanding Dawn's frantic signing.
Willow turned and looked at him. "Xander, if that was true, don't you think he would have done something by now? He's not exactly patience man." She looked at Giles. "Maybe we should check it out? Make sure he's still in town and if he's being a well-behaved vamp."
"We could go right now." Dawn said. "Save my sister the trouble. I doubt she really wants to think about him any time soon, let alone see him." She hoped they didn't have any plans to harm Spike. She didn't want him dusted if he didn't deserve it. Buffy would almost definitely dust him if he even looked at her wrong, and at this point any look he gave her would be considered wrong.
"I think that's a good idea," Giles agreed. "No need to put any unnecessary stress on her right now. Well, Xander, feel like a trip to the cemetery?" The Watcher stood and headed back to the training room for weapons. Even though it was daytime and Spike had the chip, almost anything could go wrong on the Hellmouth.
"Sure, why not. It might even be fun: I can never get enough of tormenting Spike." The younger man stood and brushed the powdered sugar off his shirt and pants. Giles had already emerged from the back room. He pulled a stake from his weapons bag and handed it to Xander.
Dawn stood as Xander took the stake from Giles. "Can I come too? It was my idea, and I think that should mean that I can go too." If she went along there would be less of a chance they'd hurt Spike for no good reason. Besides, it would be fun to see him again. Even if he was a soulless vampire, he was still great to talk to.
Giles shook his head as he looked down at Dawn. "I really don't think that would be very prudent. In any case, I don't think Buffy would approve." Dawn rolled her eyes.
"You know if you don't bring me along now I'll just figure out a way to see Spike later. By myself. Probably at night. In the dark." Her voice became more child-like and sing song as she continued. "Who knows what could ..,"
"All right, all right, you can come along. But you must promise to listen to whatever Xander or I tell you. Agreed?" Giles sighed, relenting to his defeat.
A triumphant smile spread across Dawn's face. She turned and started heading for the door, calling cheerfully behind her, "Are you coming?"
Xander and then Giles followed after her, and soon only the three women were left in the shop.
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When Buffy awoke, the morning sun was filtering through the drapes. Shadows from the trees outside danced across the surfaces of her room. She pulled off the covers and glanced at the clock. She groaned as she saw the time: ten twenty-two. Why hadn't Dawn woken her up?
She got out of bed, stretching as she made her way to the bathroom. She noticed Dawn's note on the mirror, and read it before she continued preparing for the day. She turned on the shower and started to undress. She had an odd feeling, like something was off. Her dreams had been strange, but she could remember no clear details save for the blurred image of a pair of familiar blue eyes. She shook it off. It wasn't a Slayer dream, the feeling was different; the dream was not as clear. She decided it must just have been left-over tension from the wreck that was her life. She stepped into the shower, savouring the feel of the hot water as it began to relax her tense muscles and wash away the last remnants of the dream.
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Xander slowly pushed open the door to the crypt and immediately was assaulted by the stench of alcohol. The room was dark, but enough light filtered in through the windows for him to see comfortably.
"Hey, undead wonder! Spike! Hey! Anybody home?" He stepped inside, his foot knocking into an empty bottle, causing it to roll farther into the crypt. He looked around, his eyes taking in the state of Spike's home. "Holy crap, Batman!"
"Xander, what are you waiting for? Let me by. I would rather not spend my entire day standing in Spike's doorway." Giles pushed passed the younger man and stopped, stunned at finding the same thing Xander had moments before.
The crypt was a mess: bottles covered every surface, articles of torn, blood-covered clothing were strewn haphazardly around the room. Spike's TV lay on its back, a bloody hand print marring the reflective surface of its screen. In the back corner were the remains of a fire, the soot and ash combined with half-burned paper. A chair stood in the middle of the room, its surface spotted with dried blood.
"Hey, what are you guys staring at?" Dawn pushed her way inside, seeing for herself the battered remains of Spike's home. "Oh my god! Spike! Spike!"
"Dawn, I think you should go back outside." Xander's voice sounded hollow, its quiet tone only serving to worry Dawn further.
"Xander, no! I have to find him."
Her eyes were wild, all thoughts of Spike as a heartless killer, as a vampire flew from her mind. Suddenly, he was just a guy. A guy she knew and who was in some kind of trouble. How long had his place been like this? A few days? A week? Longer? Was he still there?
"I don't see him! Giles where is he?"
"Calm down, Dawn. Do as Xander said and go outside. We'll take care of this." The Watcher's voice was tense as he reached out, his hand grabbing her arm to stop her from going any farther.
"But Spike. He might be hurt! What happened to him?" She looked a Giles imploringly.
"I don't know, but I promise you we will find out. Now please wait outside while we look around." He continued staring into the room.
"But--"
"Dawn. Now!" he snapped, his eyes suddenly meeting hers.
Giles's brusque tone pushed all remaining argument from Dawn's mind. She stared at him for a moment longer, pain and worry evident on her face. Then she spun away and dashed out of the room.
"Xander…...Xander!"
"Oh! Sorry, Giles. I just kind of spaced out there."
"Understandable."
"Giles, man, what happened here?" Xander took a few more steps into the room, carefully avoiding stepping on any of the bottles scattered across the crypt floor. "Was he attacked?"
"No. At least not here, there are no signs of a struggle." Giles walked past Xander, following his example as he manoeuvred his way around the disorder on the floor. "He has obviously been drinking, but this," he gestured down through the hole leading to the lower level of the crypt. "Bloody hell," he quietly cursed. "This is unbelievable."
Xander walked over to Giles and peered into the darkness below. "What do you mean?"
Giles took a flashlight out of his bag and shone it down into the shadows. At the bottom was a massive pile of empty and broken liquor bottles.
"He couldn't have, not by himself. That's just…" Xander shook his head: not even Spike would be stupid enough to attempt a bender of that size.
"Crazy? Yes, I agree, but by the look of this place," Giles waved his hand, indicating the rest of the crypt, "I would have to say that Spike is not thinking very clearly at the moment. In fact, not for quite some time by the looks of things." He walked to the chair, bending down to look at a blood-covered shirt lying on the floor. He reached into his bag once more and exchanged the flashlight for a stake, then used the stake to snag the shirt off the ground. Examining the garment closely, he half-turned to Xander. "This shirt is still a little damp. He must still be in town, or he was last night in any case."
"Is that his blood or…" It was completely soaked through, and Xander couldn't help but wonder about the condition of the vampire they had come to find.
"Some of it is his. Whether all of it is, I honestly could not say. See these tears? They were most likely made by the claws of a demon of some sort." He dropped the shirt to the ground and started towards the door.
"What? Are we done?" Xander looked around one last time before following Giles to the door.
"There's not much more we can learn here at the moment and I would prefer not to leave Dawn alone any longer."
"Right. Let's get out of here. I mean, this is seriously giving me a case of the wiggins."
With that the two men exited the crypt.
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Buffy stepped into the Magic Box, looking around the room to see Willow, Tara, and Anya sitting at the back table. Crossing the store, she pulled up a chair between Willow and Anya.
"Hey guys! So what's the up 'n up? Any new danger lurking on the oh-so-happy Hellmouth horizon?"
"No," replied Anya as she absentmindedly flipped through an old magazine. "Not unless you count Giles and Xander taking Dawn over to see Spike."
"What! Why am I hearing 'Dawn and Spike' in the same sentence? In fact, why am I hearing 'Spike' at all?" She quickly glanced between the three women, surprise and anger flashing across her features.
"Anya! We were trying to keep Buffy from stressing. Now you go all blah, blah, blah, and Buffy's all, 'Spike!' So the whole, 'lets not bother her' thing goes right out the window. Thinking before speaking---try it sometime."
"I did think. I thought 'when Buffy finds out that they went to Spike's she's going to be all upset. So why not just tell her now and get it over with, and then she can't be as angry at me.' Since, unlike you, I had nothing to do with the whole 'lets check up on Spike' conversation."
"Okay, the check up on Spike part I get, but what's with the whole 'lets take Buffys little -and I might add, injured- sister?" She had now focused her attention completely on Willow.
"Well she sorta threatened to go see him by herself if they didn't take her along." She stared down at her lap, uncomfortable under Buffy's angry stare.
Tara came to Willow's defence. "It's not her fault, Buffy. Giles was the one who said she could go. Besides, it's Spike; he wouldn't hurt her. An-and he has the chip."
"All right, I'm backing off. See me with the backing off?" She raised her hands palms forward in a gesture of surrender. "But I'd still like to know why they're seeing Spike in the first place."
Willow answered. "Dawn asked if any of us had seen him lately, and since none of us had, we figured it was time for a little undead parole check. And since we didn't think you'd want to deal with him after the whole 'baring his dead heart' thing, we figured we'd take care of it for you."
"Yeah, you're right. The last thing I want to deal with right now is Spike." She sighed.
"I'm afraid that may not be an option." They turned to see Giles enter from the back room. He walked past them to lean against the shop counter, looking a little haggard.
"What? Why? What happened? He didn't do anything did he? If he hurt Dawn, I swear I'll…"
"No, its nothing like that. What we found, well, it's…" He turned to look at Buffy. His face was tense with apprehension. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose as he struggled to explain what they had seen inside of Spike's crypt.
"Giles, speak! Tell me what's going on!" Buffy demanded, beginning to get worried.
"Something's happened to Spike." Dawn stood at the door to the training room, her eyes sad and haunted. She slowly drifted towards a large chair in the back of the room and lowered herself into it. She pulled her legs to her chest, then laid her head against her knees, her soft brown hair falling forward to obscure her face. Moments later, Xander entered from the back, his face as dark as the Watcher's. He seemed unsure of what to do next as he stood looking at his friends at the table. Willow glanced at Tara, worry spreading across her features, as Anya moved from the table to stand beside Xander.
"Yeah Buff, his place… it was…you should have seen it. Something of the not good variety is going on with our resident vampire."
"OK, you guys are starting to worry me. Now tell us, what happened?" She got up from her chair and moved to stand in front of Giles.
"His crypt was in a horrid state, Buffy, and it appears to have been that way for awhile," Giles said, placing the glasses back on as he looked at her. "I can't be certain what happened to him, but I do fear for his current state of mind."
"Yeah, the placed was trashed. There were empty bottles everywhere, and I'm talking Olympic-level drinking here. Not to mention the blood and the shredded threads. Whatever's going on with him, it's serious." Xander paused and ran a hand through his hair. "Hell, you know it's big if I'm concerned for the dead guy."
"Look, guys, so his crypt was a mess. I don't see what that has to do with us." Buffy tried to hide her own small amount of concern. She had never expected to see Xander and Giles this upset about the welfare of a vampire, let alone Spike.
"I know you would rather not have anything to do with him, but it is obvious that something is seriously wrong with Spike. He is, in a way, our responsibility and I feel that it would be wrong of us to simply ignore the problem. Besides, if we do leave this alone, we may end up regretting it later," Giles explained, hoping that they would all understand.
"All right then, what do you want to do?" Buffy asked "It's still light out and you said he wasn't at his crypt. Maybe he's already dust and we don't even have a Spike problem anymore."
"God, Buffy! How can you be so cold!" Dawn wailed, her body shaking from rage and fear. "He might be dead."
Xander spoke up "Technically he's already…"
Dawn turned towards Xander, fury written across her face. "Shut up!"
She spun back to face Buffy once more. "And you! All you care about is whether or not he's your problem anymore! Don't you care about him at all? He could be hurt and need our help," Dawn's voice became heavy with emotion. "I swear if you don't help him I will. I don't want to lose anyone else."
Buffy rushed to her sister's side, kneeling next to the chair and placing her hands on top of Dawn's, trying to calm her. "Dawn. It's okay. I didn't mean it like that. It just didn't come out right. If you want me to help him I will. Okay? He's tough. I'm sure we'll find him as soon as the sun goes down."
"You promise? 'Cause I know you hate his guts."
Buffy smiled. "Yeah, I promise. One annoying bleach blonde vamp coming up."
Giles looked at the two sisters, thankful that Dawn had gotten Buffy to agree to help. "Then it's settled. We'll start trying to locate Spike as soon as the sun has set."
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Mother worked quickly, pouring the last of her remaining strength into her task, but sleep once again began to claim her. She silently cursed her waning energy. The many years of slumber had left her weak and unable to finish her work. Though she had been able to save the darkling from the horrible fate the humans had imposed upon him, she was without the strength to heal his battered form. Now she was forced to release him once again into the world that had already left such a terrible mark on him. She longed to keep him with her, but she had no any other choice. She could not hold him to her any longer. The rest she would have to leave to fate. Now she could do nothing more than rest.
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The sun glowed an unearthly shade of orange as it drifted below the darkening horizon. The wind blew softly and the night chilled the air with its cooling embrace. He awoke, pain coursing through his body as the last traces of sleep faded from him. Sitting up, he felt more pain, sharp and clear, no longer dulled by the effects of the alcohol. Struggling to rise on unsteady legs, he was dimly aware of the fact that he should not have survived through the day. Suddenly, a wave of dizziness threatened to overcome him. He grabbed at the tree to steady himself. He could feel its cool bark beneath his fevered skin.
His head pounded and his stomach rolled as it threatened to spill what little contents it had on to the grass. "Why?" The thought raced through his pain-addled mind. Why did he have to wake once more into this miserable existence he laughingly called his life? Here he was, a freak trapped between two worlds and accepted in neither. Forced to watch from the shadows. Though he had not been searching for his death, as the sun began to rise, he had almost welcomed it. And why not? What did he have to live for anymore? He had lost everything. He closed his eyes, pushing the thoughts away. They were useless. He took a step forward, his head swimming from the force of the blood pounding though his throbbing skull.
Shit! Spike almost fell over from the sudden realization. His heart was beating! It was hammering in his chest, fear and shock causing it to pound even faster. Fuck! What the hell was happening? It wasn't possible! He placed his hand on his chest and could feel the pounding under his ribs echoed by the throbbing in his head. Now he could feel the warmth of his body beneath his hand, the chill of the night air becoming immediately noticeable against his exposed skin.
The nausea returned with a vengeance and he double over and threw up. This couldn't be happening: he was a vampire for fuck's sake! He brought a shaking hand to his face and wiped the vomit from his lips, staring blankly at the vile puddle as it soaked into the grass. His whole body trembled with rage and fear. He closed his eyes and tried to block out the rush of sensations, both emotional and physical, that threatened to overwhelm him. Well, whatever the fuck was happening to him, he couldn't just sit there all night in the middle of the forest like a bloody ponce. Ignoring the crippling pain shooting through his broken body, he began stumbling in the direction he silently hoped would lead him back to town.
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The Scooby gang walked quickly down the streets of Sunnydale. They had an idea of where to search for Spike, but for some reason the two Wiccans couldn't explain, the locater spell they had used could only give them the general area he was in, not the exact spot as it should have. They said it was as if the magic were being confused by something, though they had no idea what. So the gang had spent the last two hours searching an area near the edge of town. Dawn had wanted to go with them--she was so worried about the vampire--but in the end they had managed to convince her to wait at the store with Anya.
Buffy couldn't stop worrying about Spike and what she was supposed to do once they'd found him. It was so easy when she could just avoid him; if he wasn't around then she didn't have to deal with him. He'd said that he loved her. He'd even implied that he was willing to change, that he already had, but she was sure his love was just the delusion of a severely demented vampire mind. He'd merely latched on to the idea of being in love with her out of desperation.
Now that things had quieted down in her life she could look back and feel sorry for him. First, he'd lost Drusilla. Then he'd gotten the chip, not to mention his recent obsession with her. Now here he was in some kind of trouble and even she couldn't help but be concerned. Giles and Xander described to her what they had found in his crypt and she had to admit that it worried her. Living in those conditions, like some kind of animal, it just wasn't like him. Other vampires maybe, but not Spike. Something was definitely up and like it or not it was their job to find out what it was. Ever since they'd taken Spike in that Thanksgiving they had become somewhat responsible for him. Now, all they had to do was find him.
"So you're sure he's around here?" Xander asked, dropping back to walk beside Willow.
"Yeah, he's somewhere around here. The spell might have been iffy on the exact location but it definitely indicated he was in this area." Tara walked beside Willow, their arms linked as they tried to keep up with the others. Neither of them had said anything but both were bothered by the results of the spell. It was a sign of something. Maybe it had to do with the strange energy Tara had told Willow she had felt while meditating earlier that day. Or perhaps someone was messing with strong magic or even something to do with the powerful energies of the Hellmouth itself. The two Wiccans knew to keep their concerns to themselves, for now they had more pressing matters to deal with.
"Come on, guys, let's just keep looking. The sooner we find him, the sooner we can find out what the hell is going on and get out of here." Buffy glanced over her shoulder at her friends, then turned to Giles who was walking at a brisk pace beside her. "What exactly are we planning on doing once we find him?"
"I'm not exactly sure, Buffy. It will depend on the situation. We have no idea what happened to him or what condition we will find him in. Perhaps we shall be fortunate and all of our worry will have been unnecessary, but I'm afraid that this time we will not be so lucky."
"Yeah," she sighed. "I hate to say it, but I have a feeling that you're right."