Disclaimers: I do not own the characters or anything from the world of Buffy. They belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. I am making no money from this story, it's just for my and other fans enjoyment.

Summary: After a long period of separation from Buffy and the Scoobies, Spike is suddenly thrust back into their lives after he goes through a startling transformation.


Rating: R (I don't think it will reach NC-17, but you never know. Will provide link to my site if it happens and continue posting the story there.)


Authors Note: The story takes place after "Crush" and a little AU for "I Was Made To Love You" and everything following that episode. In the Magic Box they're a tad bit harsher to Spike and he doesn't go out and get the Bot made. The rest of the season is the basically the same just without Spike being there for all of it and Buffy didn't have to jump on the tower so she never died in my story (didn't want depressed Buffy). Spike remains alone and isolated the whole time from "I Was Made To Love You" all the way up to "The Gift". The story starts off a week or so after the fight with Glory.


Special Thanks: To Saka, Newydd, Wynn, and Dsdragon.

Chapter 4

Dawn sat on a chair she'd brought into Buffy's room and watched as Giles and Xander laid Spike down on the bed. They had finally finished cleaning him up and treating his injuries. He had makeshift splints on his arm and leg, his broken ribs had been tightly bandaged to help them mend properly, Giles had also stitched up all of the cuts that couldn't be left to heal on there own and bandaged up the rest. She couldn't believe how bad he looked. In fact, she could hardly believe he was still alive.

Alive. Huh. It was strange to think of him that way. Everyone always made such a big deal out of the fact that he was one of the undead. They never forgot, but sometimes she did. She'd forget that he was really a walking corpse, a demon in human guise. The others liked to pretend that meant that he wasn't real, like he didn't have feelings, but she knew better. Just because he wasn't 'human' didn't mean he didn't feel things the way a human did. After all, was she even human?

Sure, Buffy had told Dawn that she was real, not just some ball of energy, but did that make her human? What if she wasn't, did that mean her feelings weren't real? Did it mean that when she'd loved Mom it had been some kind of fake version of real love? That it didn't count?

She'd never thought Spike's feelings weren't real. She knew his love for Buffy was real, but that hadn't stopped her from being pissed off at him when he'd chained Buffy up in his crypt. If some human guy had done that she would have been just as mad. Besides, she thought he was just using her to get at Buffy. That's what they told her. Maybe she should have made up her own mind about that. What if that wasn't true? What if--

Her thoughts were cut short by a low moan from Spike. Giles had moved his right leg, and the broken limb protested against the movement, sending jolts of pain through Spike. Dawn got up from the chair and walked over to the bed. He looked like shit, it seemed like he was completely covered by cuts and bruises. Giles finished trying to make Spike as comfortable as possible and pulled the covers over the bleached blonde. Xander had since moved to the opposite side of the bed, he was leaning against the wall, watching Spike warily.

Dawn looked up at Giles. "Is he going to be ok? I want the truth."

Giles stood up straight and proceeded to clean his glasses. "I can't be sure, but barring infection or other complications, I do believe he will pull through this. Actually, the fact he is still alive is something of a miracle given his extensive injuries."

Dawn placed her hand on Spike as she looked at his battered face. "You don't think he's human, do you?" she said softly.

Giles placed his glasses back on. "No, I don't believe he is. No human, save perhaps a Slayer like Buffy, could have survived such terrible injuries without emergency medical care. I was only able to provide him with advanced first aid."

Xander spoke up, his voice harsh. "If he's not human, then what is he? 'Cause I'm not really looking forward to having saved him to just have it jump up and bite us in the ass."

"Xander, please," Dawn spoke quietly without taking her eyes off of Spike.

"Look, I'm just saying if he isn't human than what is he? Is he still a bloodsucker? Or maybe he's something worse. For all we know we just saved the life of an even more dangerous monster than that hell bitch we just finished putting into the ground!" Xander pushed off of the wall and was staring at Dawn and Giles almost daring them to prove him wrong.

Dawn stood clutching Spike's hand tightly in hers, tears slowly making their way down her face. "Please, just…"

"Dawn I'm sorry but you have to face the fact that--"

Xander was suddenly cut off by a rather irate Watcher. "Xander do shut up!"

"Giles, listen--"

"No, you listen. The last thing we need right now is for you to be spouting off every random thought that enters that thick head of yours. Not only is Spike in no shape to harm anyone, we have no reason to think that he is any kind of danger to us." He took a deep breath and then continued more quietly. "And until we have reason to believe otherwise, I would prefer that you would keep these thoughts to yourself, or a least bring them up at a more appropriate time. Don't you see how much you are upsetting Dawn?"

"Fine," Xander said as he walked past them to leave the room. He brushing roughly past Tara who was coming through the bedroom door. "Just don't blame me if we all end up dead."

Tara watched Xander rush out the room and down the stairs, then she turned to Dawn and Giles. "What happened in here?"

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Xander stormed into the kitchen. Paying only enough attention to his surroundings to note that Anya was sitting at the kitchen island. She looked up in shock as he began to speak , his voice angry. He seemed to exude barely contained rage.

"I can't believe them!" He began pacing, not stopping once to look at his fiancé. "They're actually taking that sick bloodsucker's side over mine!"

Anya sat staring at him, barely moving as she watched him pace and forth through the kitchen.

"I was just telling them the truth. He's a demon! Demons don't change! They don't just up and become good overnight. Just because he's got a heartbeat doesn't make him one of us all of a sudden. He was, no, wait, strike that. He is a sick killer. And yeah, I feel bad that he's all trashed but it'd probably be better if we just let him die."

He stopped pacing and faced Anya, so caught up in his angry tirade that he failed to notice the tears coursing down her face or that Buffy and Willow were now standing behind him in the kitchen doorway. They stood completely still. Shocked at his sudden outburst, not being able to comprehend the sheer amount of hatred that seemed to pour off of their friend. They knew he disliked the vampire, but this verbal attack on Spike seemed to come from out of nowhere.

"He should die." Xander continued, looking straight at Anya now, his anger had long since reached it's boiling point. "After all he's done. And now he's some kind of warm, blood-pumping demon. He's probably even more dangerous than before. We should put him out of his misery before he kills someone, or brings about an apocalypse! The last thing we should be doing is keeping him safe and sound in the Slayer's house. In her bed for god's sake!"

"Xander!" Willow gasped. He didn't notice: he wasn't finished yet.

"And let's not forget the reason we threw him out on his ass in the first place! His sick little obsession with our resident Slayer. Or don't you remember that he chained her up and threatened her life? But hey! All's forgiven! Who cares that the bastard tried to kill us before, that he has killed before. Wait! This all sounds so familiar. I wonder why? Oh yeah. Angel. How could I possibly have forgotten about that? That's right I didn't, but I seem to be the only one."

He stopped for a moment, panting heavily as he stared at Anya. He took a deep breath and felt himself calm down. Most of the anger that had coursed through him had left him. He really looked at Anya, noticing for the first time her pained look and tears streaming down her face.

"Anya? What's…"

"Is that really what you think, Xander?" Anya said, her voice almost a whisper. "Once a killer, always a killer? Or is it, once a demon, always a demon? After all, what's a demon to you other than something to hack into bloody little pieces of festering goo?"

She stood up, looking him straight in the eye as she continued. Her voice was still quiet, though it trembled with emotion. "It's not like they have feelings, isn't that right? They can never change, never learn to be better people. Because, hey, they aren't people to you at all, are they? Their monsters. Less than animals. And nothing they do will ever make a difference in your mind. Not a soul, not a heartbeat, no sacrifice big or small. And God forbid that they have the audacity to become human. Or would that make a difference to you? Since you asked a former demon to marry you, I think I have a right to know."

Xander stood in shocked silence. Was that what he had said? "Anya, look. I'm sorry. You know I wasn't talking about you. I would never…"

"Do I?" She walked by him, passing Buffy and Willow as she headed for the front door. "I'm sorry, Buffy, but I have to go…if Spike wakes up tell him I hope he feels better."

Buffy followed Anya as she replied. "I'll tell him, don't worry. But I don't think he'll wake up tonight."

When Xander had turned and seen his two best friends standing in the doorway he had realised they must have heard everything he and Anya had said. The knot that had formed in his stomach since seeing Anya's tears had twisted further at her words, and had become almost unbearable upon seeing them. Their faces a mix of shock, anger and sadness, and he knew that he had just fucked things up royally.

Xander walked into the hall just as Anya was putting her boots on, and realized she meant to leave. He had to stop her. Had to make it better "Anya, wait! Let me explain."

Anya turned and looked at him. "No, Xander. I'm going home now. I want to sleep and I don't want you in the bed when I do. You can sleep on the couch. That is the appropriate place for the man when the woman is hurt and doesn't want to look at him. Am I right? Or is my demon past showing through and I got another one of your human behaviours wrong again?"

With that she opened the door and walked out. Leaving the three best friends standing in awkward silence.

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Tara watched Dawn sleep for a moment longer before she stood up and quietly slipped from the room. It had taken some convincing to get Dawn to go to bed, and then she wouldn't sleep until Tara had promised to wake her if Spike regained consciousness. Even then she had asked Tara to sit with her until she fell asleep.

Tara walked down the hall to Buffy's bedroom and leaned on the doorframe as she watched Giles gaze at the unconscious vampire. Vampire? Should we still call him that? Giles was sitting in one of the chairs Dawn had brought in, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees.

She waited for a few minutes before speaking. "Giles, what happened? Why was Dawn so upset? She didn't want to talk about it."

He looked up startled. It was obvious he had been deep in thought. "Oh, yes--that. That was just that fool Xander being unable to keep his foot out of his mouth. He said some rather unfortunate things about Spike, and from the sound of things, he wasn't finished."

"Shouldn't we stop him?"

Giles sighed heavily, as he spoke a bit of Ripper showed through. "No. If he wants to act like an ass, let him deal with it himself. I'm too tired at the moment to care."

"What about Spike? Do you have any idea what's happened to him? Why he's alive?"

He sat back in the chair taking off his glasses as he ran a hand over his face. "No." He put his glasses back on and at Tara. "No, I'm afraid not. I've never heard or read about anything like this before. If he were human this whole situation would have actually been simpler."

Tara moved from the door and sat on the chair on the opposite side of the bed. "Simpler? Like taking him to the hospital?"

"Yes, and though it is quite rare, there have been documented cases of vampires being returned to their original human form. But the circumstances surrounding Spike's transformation don't seem to be anything like them. Two of the three times it involved powerful dark magic and long drawn out ceremonies. The third involved a extremely rare demon called a Mohra, and that vampire was killed only hours after he was changed. On top of that, most Watchers still think they are nothing but unsubstantiated rumours or pure poppycock."

He moved his gaze from Tara's face to Spike's. "And if that's not enough to deal with, we not only have to worry about his physical state, but his mental state as well."

Tara followed Giles's gaze to the vampire's face. "What do you think happened to him? I heard you tell Buffy about his place."

He leaned back in the chair. "I can't be sure without actually speaking to him. We don't know how long he has been alive or anything about what he has been doing for the past couple of months. Though a few things seem rather obvious ."

Tara looked back at Giles. "Such as?"

"By the look of his crypt, he's been drinking heavily. And by the condition of his body, he hasn't been feeding. He looks dreadfully similar to when he first got the chip, barring the appalling injuries of course."

Tara looked thoughtfully at Spike for a moment. "Giles, what about the Chip? Is it still working? Will it hurt him more now that he's alive?"

Giles's brow furrowed as he thought about what Tara had said. "I have no idea. Damn! That's the last thing we need to worry about at the moment. I suppose we will just have to hope for the best when it comes to the chip, whatever that may be. There's not much we can do about it at the moment."

He stood up, running a hand through his hair as he sighed. "I'm afraid I need to rest. I'll sleep here tonight, on the couch. Will you be able to keep an eye on him? He shouldn't be left alone."

Tara looked up at him. "Of course. You sleep. I'll wake you if anything happens."

"Are you sure? You must be tired too." Giles was exhausted, but well aware that they would all be after such an eventful night.

Tara smiled. "I'll be fine. I'm used to staying up late. All-night research parties will do that to you. Besides, I've already let Willow know that I was planning on staying here to help tonight."

Giles smiled back. "All right. Just be sure to get Buffy or myself if you become too tired."

Tara watched Giles leave, then turned back to Spike, leaning forward to gently smooth his hair away from his face. She smiled softly at him before sitting back in her chair to start her vigil.

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Giles trudged down the stairs, weary from the nights surprising events. He carried a blanket and pillow he had fetched from the hall closet, his thoughts still filled with questions about the injured creature currently occupying his Slayers bed. The stairs squeaked their protest to his weight as he reached the bottom, shaking his head to clear it of it's jumbled thoughts he walked into the living room and deposited his floral-covered burden on the couch, before heading to the kitchen for a drink.

Buffy was sitting quietly at the island staring into a mug of hot chamomile tea. She appeared to be deep in thought so he said nothing and simply went to the cupboard and got himself a tall glass that he filled with water from the tap. He turned to face Buffy and leaned tiredly against the kitchen counter. He stood there drinking his water and watching his Slayer stare absently into her tea.

The sudden sound of Buffy's voice jolted him from the intense quiet of the Summer's house. "So how is he doing?"

Giles finished his water and set the glass in the sink. Then he leaned back, placing both palms on the counter top behind him before answering. "As well as can be expected, or…considering. He's lost a lot of blood and we have no idea how the changes he's gone through will effect his ability to heal. For instance, what shape his immune system is in, or if he even possesses one."

She furrowed her brow as she thought about what he had said. "So, you're worried about him getting sick on top of everything else?"

"Yes. I'm afraid the next days, even weeks, will be especially hard, and not just on Spike. We too will have to adjust and find ways of dealing with this unexpected situation."

Buffy stared at Giles for a few more moments before she dropped her eyes to look into her mug of tea once again. After a minute or two of silence her voice broke the quiet once again.

"Did we screw up?"

"Whatever do you mean?"

"With Spike. Did we screw up? We could have handled it a lot better. Not been as harsh, or kept an eye on him or something. Maybe if we'd done it all differently, Spike wouldn't have almost died tonight. I just feel like it's somehow our fault. My fault."

Giles sighed, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes. "You don't know that. We don't know if our treating him differently would have made a bit of difference. For all we know, this would have happened had we been in his company or not. Perhaps our being there would have only made the situation worse."

"Do you really mean that or are you just trying to make me feel better." She looked back up at him. "Now stop being all dodgy and tell me. Do you think we screwed up?"

Giles put his glasses back on. "Perhaps in certain aspects, yes. We might have 'screwed up' . I think we might have made a miscalculation in our handling of Spike's declaration of love for you. As for the rest…" he pushed away from the counter and walked up to the island to lean forward on his hands as he looked into Buffy's eyes. "We were in no position to be worrying about Spike. Not with Glory after Dawn and the death of your mother. You mustn't beat yourself up about this. We're doing all we can to help now. There's nothing we can do to change the past, we can only try to do better in the future."

She began to speak again, but Giles pushed himself upright and waved her to be silent. "No, none of that. I insist that you go and get yourself a good nights sleep. God knows I could use one myself."

"All right, but then who's going to keep an eye on Spike? After Xander had his blow up everyone took off."

"Actually Tara is still here. She is going to take the first shift."

"I thought she left with Xander and Willow." Buffy stood up and covered her mouth as she yawned heavily. "Well I better get some sleep then. Goodnight Giles."

He smiled, "Yes, goodnight Buffy."