Disclaimer: Surprisingly, all the characters belong to J.K. Rowling
Author: Minstrel
Pairing: Draco/Harry
Summary: Distrust leads to distorted relationship.
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Most welcome
Note: Italics are used to denote thoughts. Both Draco's and Harry's.
Chapter three: Lacerations
Days had passed without any sign of Malfoy. Harry was happy with the situation. No more pondering or bothering because of not knowing. Now he knew. He saw clearly Malfoy's reasons. Now he had hurt Harry as much as he could; now there was no use for him anymore. He could sleep peacefully, and as he did, his physical wounds started to heal. It was oblivious that most of the cuts would leave no scar, but still he was afraid of having them. Only one had caused so much trouble and liability, so what would a horde of them do?
If Potter only knew how much Draco suffered.
Now Harry had time to explore his cell and understand the connection between the structure and purpose of it. It had taken him several days to realize that there were no Dementors near him. There were loads of them when he had arrived, but now they had disappeared. Or, they were kept far from him. Harry couldn't care less which was the case, but the brilliance of the architecture impressed him. The cell was built so that there was no escape if somebody wanted to control the prisoner. There were holes in the walls large enough to let in Dementors' gloom, but too small for making the cell more spacious. The colour of the walls was torturous –a blend of slimy greenish yellow on cold grey stone freckled by brownish spots that were apparently blood. There were objects on the floor one didn't want to touch and there was no place where one would like to look, let alone to sit or to lie. The cell itself made life bleak. Harry couldn't comprehend how one would survive there if the Dementors were added.
If Potter only knew Draco had his means to watch him from distance.
Spending time in the cell was not a big deal for Harry. He had got used to using his imagination to create most various ways to forget his environment during the long years he lived in the cupboard under the staircase at Dursleys'. Now he just had more things to daydream of, but unluckily all the things in the wizarding world reminded him of Malfoy. Quidditch and all the matches where he had confronted him. The seven all too short years in Hogwarts and annoying blonde boy on the background. But it didn't matter. He had so much of his own that Malfoy could never touch. He had his memories, his imagination. Though, disturbing flashbacks of the moments on the floor of the cell hit his mind once and a while. At those times he did all he could to forget about it. He started singing Christmas carols, he tried to remember all the portraits from the Great Hall to Gryffindor dorm, and he even tried causing physical pain by ripping the wounds open. Sometimes he could escape the unwelcome hot feelings.
If Potter only knew how puzzled Draco got when observing the manifestations of his inner battles.
Occasionally the lack of any stimuli made Harry create them himself. The imagination was not enough in the long run, and he needed things that were concrete. He started speaking to himself, and he could make rather long speeches without any meaning. Babbling unimportant details, making up lists and finding opposites for things, comparing the wizarding and muggle worlds. Many times he wished for not being alone. For having someone by his side to share the loneliness. When he remembered his friends, he used to stare into the darkness blindly.
If Potter only knew how fascinated he made Draco by his never-ending mumble.
It started to seem probable that he would really spend the end of his life in that cell. He had learned to forget Malfoy, and now he had to reconsider him. Could he benefit from him? Could he get him out of there? As he thought over these ideas, he started to add his name into his stream of words without noticing. "---elephants are larger than hippos, five hippos needed for a herd, Malfoy herds, needing is human nature, nature is green in summer, his robes used to be green, robes must be natural, Malfoy isn't neutral, eutrophication happens in lakes---" The stream would have gone for rest of the day, but he was interrupted by Malfoy storming into the cell. Harry's mouth fell open and before he understood to close it, it was full of lips and tongue.
If Potter only knew how many times Draco had wished for this.
This time Harry was prepared. He knew exactly how to act in order not to hurt himself. Allowing Malfoy to do whatever he liked, but not doing anything himself was the answer. Not getting any pleasure out of it. Not attaching to the other boy or to his touch. Keeping his mind, Harry let Malfoy push him against the wall, kiss him fiercely, undress him, and finally realize that Harry didn't respond. Malfoy released his grip and took a step back. Without a word said they stared at each other, trying to figure out what the other one was thinking. For the first time, Harry could see unsteadiness in Malfoy's eyes, and that gave him the strength to keep staring calmly.
As regards Draco, he couldn't bear it. He couldn't confront Potter that was so strong and self-controlled. At the moment when he decided to act, he assured himself that it was only a means to make Potter vulnerable. "I love you. Harry." He could saw a flash of astonishment in his face, but still his cover didn't falter. Potter could keep himself calm. Draco stepped closer to him to kiss him one last time. Intense look trying to see inside him, hand caressing his cheek, lips exploring his neck, and a sharp kick to his genitals. Draco left the cell. You didn't see this coming, did you?
Harry wasn't even surprised. After hurting himself twice with Malfoy he had accepted his behaviour. He knew he couldn't understand his reasoning, but still the words he had said confused him. Had he meant them? Had he said them to make Harry react? It was clear why Malfoy had mugged him, so it might have been the case with the words as well. Still, they kept Harry so preoccupied that he nearly hadn't even noticed the physical pain. He had already got so used to it, but the words were something new. If they were true, was all that he had gone through just because of some twisted emotion? Malfoy could have done so much more, and torment Harry so much less. It just didn't make sense, but nothing else either did.
As Harry was lost in his thoughts someone rushed into the cell. "Good God, Harry! You look terrible! Put your robes on so off we go. Make haste!" Ron ordered Harry and got a senseless look as an answer. "It's me, Ron. Are you all right? I'm here to take you home. C'mon!"
Harry couldn't believe what was happening. Mechanically he put on the pieces of clothing Malfoy had removed and followed Ron out of the cell. Hermione, who was guarding the corridor, offered Harry a hand after a burst of concern. Incomprehensibly easily they were off from Azkaban and Harry started to understand the change in the situation. He was free again. He was far from Malfoy. He was safe from the physical torture, and he got his wand back. He let Ron and Hermione tell him about all the late events, how they had actually been there to help him to defeat Voldemort but unable to prevent Malfoy from capturing Harry. How they had planned rescuing him for a long time and how they had done it. How Malfoy's reign didn't function well and how Dementors were back in their side again. Hermione kept asking about the time in Azkaban, but Harry couldn't tell a thing. He had started to believe Malfoy. He loved Harry. It made the pain of the memories even greater.
Draco watched Potter leave with his annoying friends. He let him go. It was the easiest thing for him to do. Potter was something he could never deal with. He was too attractive for Draco. Too seductive. Draco could never have the control of himself in his company. He could never be a Malfoy in front of him. He felt an emotional electric shock passing through him.
Fin.