Restless.
The relief she had found earlier in the Force had been short-lived: she couldn't find peace anywhere. Everything had happened too fast: her return, her enlistment in the army, the already open hostility between her new master and her, not to mention the over cheering perspective to have to take and complete the harsh formation towards knighthood within a month!
Her eyes widened when she realized the enormity of it. It usually took around 17 years even for the ever praised Kenobi who was obviously *the* newest Jedi super dude Master.
Noor groaned. She had subscribed to achieve more insane utopian feats than reasonable for a single day.
The ever present humming of the Force vibrated with tension in the air all around the Temple. The familiar gigantic towers looked suddenly so aloof and heavy that it crushed her to the ground.
Walking alone in a secluded gallery, she saw from the corner of her eyes her image caught in the reflection of an open window. She stopped and turned around to face the young woman wrapped in the oversized Jedi outfit gazing back at her.
She slowly raised her hand to her cheekbone in time with her twin to realize how much she had neglected herself lately, how the frame of her face appeared raw under her sun burnt skin. Her throat tightened as she stared at this blurry image that bore her resemblance without falling exactly into place.
She recognized the dark warm red lights that played in her thick wavy hair now harmlessly bunched up in a messy bun. But what was left of Lord Alrahan's younger daughter that people use to say pretty? Where was the Jedi in that pale sand caked imitation of a woman?
Since her departure from the Order, it looked like she had let life flatten the angles of her personality until she took the faded color of the very dust she dug. She had become Dr Alrahan the unassuming, the quiet, never allowing herself anything else than reasonable expectations from her dull boring life.
But her eyes---
Her eyes held a completely different language. Surprised, she rediscovered their long shape stretching far towards her temples, their unusual misty shade of gray veined with gold, circled by the same darker shade of black than the long eyelashes that fringed her eyelids. They seemed to betray so much of was hidden inside.
Yet a sarcastic voice kept sniggering bitterly in her head. 'What are you exactly looking at? What a pitiful attempt my poor girl, did you really expect to look at you and suddenly discover in a blissful moment of epiphany that everything will be all right after all? What a truly exceptional person you are under that dried up envelop?'
The wind whirled gently inside pushing lightly the high windowpane until her face disappeared.
Everything went quiet and still--
At first it was indistinct, unfamiliar images and feelings infiltrated into her mind ever so slowly. She couldn't tell what they were showing or where they came from, she could not make sense of the forms waving around either. All of the sudden they started to flow mercilessly, the acuity of the sensation made her gasp: under her gaze unfolded scenes of death and utter destruction, she heard the screams, she shared the searing pain of the people dying in front of her. The throbbing in her head was unbearable-- the laments, the weeping, the shouts---her palms flew to her temples to alleviate the pressure there--their cries for mercy, the sickening smell of blood, the pain, the pain! It felt as if her skull was going to crack. She saw them: the faces contorted with shock and ultimate suffering. Her blood was still pounding in her ears at a maddening pace. Make it stop! Please, make it stop!
The vision ceased as quickly as it came, Noor found herself on her knees trembling and chilled to the bone in front of the window. Voices burst at the other end of the gallery and she saw a couple of knights rushing in her direction, looking concerned. Had she screamed? She scrambled on her feet still in prey to a faceless threat, she couldn't face them know, she didn't want to explain, it was too soon. She slowly turned her back to the puzzled Jedi and broke into a run in the opposite direction, ignoring them when they called after her.
Her heart was pounding in her ears, she had no idea where her steps were leading her, blinded as she was by the urge to escape the images still burning in her mind. Turning left, she finally stopped in front of a door, breathing heavily and realized that she had unconsciously ran towards the Northern wing where most of the masters had their quarters. The door she was facing was Master Jinn's.
She recalled his gentle gaze and manners, the almost perpetual expression of quiet goodness of his leonine features or his highly unorthodox ways to deal with everything around him which often set the Council in an uproar. Unlike with his former padawan, an immediate understanding had grown between the older Jedi and her although they rarely met. He would know what to do, to say or maybe just how to remain silent and appease the muted fear creeping in her.
Noor mechanically reached to knock but before her knuckles made contact with the metallic door it opened.
Kenobi stood there his arms folded on his chest. His gaze swept over her whole form for the briefest moment before he raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
"What are you doing here?" she mumbled, echoing his own tacit question. She irritably wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the oversized sleeve of her padawan uniform surprised and slightly annoyed to bump into him when he was the last person she wished to see. The young master remained silent, merely shooting a second eyebrow up, his whole demeanor saying that:
a) his business was his own and b) she was not going anywhere until he got an explanation.
She raised her hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, I don't mean to pry. I want to see Master Jinn. Um. Please," she added, playing down the curtness of her words.
Her statement triggered a reaction that all but baffled Noor, for the first time since her arrival, the stony impassivity of his features tensed with something looking like a mix of surprise, disbelief and--- grief? Before she could open her mouth, he recomposed his face and answered in a flat, terse tone.
"No. You can't."
Lovely. She half expected to see the door shut in her face without further comment just to emphasize the rebuff. Instead, Kenobi took a step back aside, motioning her in. Too intrigued to pay much attention to his puzzling behavior, Noor followed him in the apartment's hallway.
There was something wrong there, she couldn't quite lay a finger on it but something had undeniably changed. Frowning, she gradually became aware that the hall looked strangely roomy. She walked past Kenobi who had stopped at the entrance of the living room and cast him a look from above her shoulder before coming in on her own.
Empty.
She surveyed the room's bare walls with an unsettling feeling of dread. She strode towards the bedroom to finally stand in the middle of an equally deserted place.
'He must have been dispatched somewhere on a mission,' she rationalized. Since the Republic's initial battle against the rebellion two months ago, the majority of the Temple's strength had been sent all around the Galaxy to plan and help the army action according to each one's skills. She was a bit disappointed to have to postpone her visit but she shrugged it off and went to exit.
Then she saw it.
She drew one finger along one of the wooden shelves. Dust. Immediately, her archeologist's professional reflexes kicked in. Examining her surroundings with more attention, she discovered that a thick gray layer coated the few remaining pieces of furniture and the floor. This flat had been left years ago--- She understood now her first impression of inadequacy in the hallway: this place was empty in all the meanings of the word.
No living energy dwelt in the area anymore.
"When?" she whispered.
"Little after your return on Earth."
Kenobi was leaning against the doorframe with eyes that remembered.
Noor brusquely turned around and went to plant herself just under his gaze. "Show me."
The glow in his large sad eyes wavered a little. Ever so slowly he raised his hand to her temple. She instinctively pulled back when images flashed in her mind but her new master's hand on her arm calmed her down. She watched the blockade on Naboo, the boy, the race, the battle to free the planet, the duel with the creature and Qui-Gon Jinn's fall--the image blurred at that point as a pang of guilt and pain affected the quality of the vision.
The focus changed, she saw now through his eyes. She was seized by an intense fury as the fight resumed, each blow he gave increased that almost desperate need to shed blood. Seeing Qui-Gon's limp body slip noiselessly to the ground had unleashed an unsuspected violence and the power of his moves was almost intoxicating. She heard his sour cry as he launched into the last attack that cut through the dark lord and pushed him in the void.
She saw the surprised look painted on the Sith's face echoing Qui-Gon's just before he died but that was not enough, an unadulterated rage burnt deep in him. How heavy had felt the dying body of his master in his arms--
She gasped and opened her eyes that she had unconsciously closed. The hatred was gone now but the wound in his soul was still gaping and she felt her heart slowly sink for him. He had been so close to fall into shadows--
He quickly withdrew his hands, obviously she had seen more than what he intended. The connection was broken along with the eye contact as he stepped away. Her hand flew almost to its own volition to grasp loosely his sleeve, she wouldn't let him fend her off as he had done in the past, she wanted to know. He stilled under her touch.
"A Sith?" she breathed. He nodded simply his eyes still not meeting hers. 'Oh no my lad, you're not slipping away this time.' She told herself. He cast her a smug sidelong glance almost as if he had heard and dared her act on her thought.
"Can we talk?" she heard herself utter hesitantly, finally asking for a cease-fire between them.
Kenobi didn't expect that, he tilted his head slightly and walked right through the door without a word. "I guess that means no," she said aloud in the empty room.
His head reappeared through the doorway a few seconds later.
"Well, are you coming?"
Knowing his ways by now, she didn't waste time to ask him where he was going and followed him calmly as she browsed through her memory all the kind of tortures ancient and new she had stored there to pick one colorful enough and make him pay the way he treated her.
Noor left the flat with a small smile tugging at her lips.
*****
The relief she had found earlier in the Force had been short-lived: she couldn't find peace anywhere. Everything had happened too fast: her return, her enlistment in the army, the already open hostility between her new master and her, not to mention the over cheering perspective to have to take and complete the harsh formation towards knighthood within a month!
Her eyes widened when she realized the enormity of it. It usually took around 17 years even for the ever praised Kenobi who was obviously *the* newest Jedi super dude Master.
Noor groaned. She had subscribed to achieve more insane utopian feats than reasonable for a single day.
The ever present humming of the Force vibrated with tension in the air all around the Temple. The familiar gigantic towers looked suddenly so aloof and heavy that it crushed her to the ground.
Walking alone in a secluded gallery, she saw from the corner of her eyes her image caught in the reflection of an open window. She stopped and turned around to face the young woman wrapped in the oversized Jedi outfit gazing back at her.
She slowly raised her hand to her cheekbone in time with her twin to realize how much she had neglected herself lately, how the frame of her face appeared raw under her sun burnt skin. Her throat tightened as she stared at this blurry image that bore her resemblance without falling exactly into place.
She recognized the dark warm red lights that played in her thick wavy hair now harmlessly bunched up in a messy bun. But what was left of Lord Alrahan's younger daughter that people use to say pretty? Where was the Jedi in that pale sand caked imitation of a woman?
Since her departure from the Order, it looked like she had let life flatten the angles of her personality until she took the faded color of the very dust she dug. She had become Dr Alrahan the unassuming, the quiet, never allowing herself anything else than reasonable expectations from her dull boring life.
But her eyes---
Her eyes held a completely different language. Surprised, she rediscovered their long shape stretching far towards her temples, their unusual misty shade of gray veined with gold, circled by the same darker shade of black than the long eyelashes that fringed her eyelids. They seemed to betray so much of was hidden inside.
Yet a sarcastic voice kept sniggering bitterly in her head. 'What are you exactly looking at? What a pitiful attempt my poor girl, did you really expect to look at you and suddenly discover in a blissful moment of epiphany that everything will be all right after all? What a truly exceptional person you are under that dried up envelop?'
The wind whirled gently inside pushing lightly the high windowpane until her face disappeared.
Everything went quiet and still--
At first it was indistinct, unfamiliar images and feelings infiltrated into her mind ever so slowly. She couldn't tell what they were showing or where they came from, she could not make sense of the forms waving around either. All of the sudden they started to flow mercilessly, the acuity of the sensation made her gasp: under her gaze unfolded scenes of death and utter destruction, she heard the screams, she shared the searing pain of the people dying in front of her. The throbbing in her head was unbearable-- the laments, the weeping, the shouts---her palms flew to her temples to alleviate the pressure there--their cries for mercy, the sickening smell of blood, the pain, the pain! It felt as if her skull was going to crack. She saw them: the faces contorted with shock and ultimate suffering. Her blood was still pounding in her ears at a maddening pace. Make it stop! Please, make it stop!
The vision ceased as quickly as it came, Noor found herself on her knees trembling and chilled to the bone in front of the window. Voices burst at the other end of the gallery and she saw a couple of knights rushing in her direction, looking concerned. Had she screamed? She scrambled on her feet still in prey to a faceless threat, she couldn't face them know, she didn't want to explain, it was too soon. She slowly turned her back to the puzzled Jedi and broke into a run in the opposite direction, ignoring them when they called after her.
Her heart was pounding in her ears, she had no idea where her steps were leading her, blinded as she was by the urge to escape the images still burning in her mind. Turning left, she finally stopped in front of a door, breathing heavily and realized that she had unconsciously ran towards the Northern wing where most of the masters had their quarters. The door she was facing was Master Jinn's.
She recalled his gentle gaze and manners, the almost perpetual expression of quiet goodness of his leonine features or his highly unorthodox ways to deal with everything around him which often set the Council in an uproar. Unlike with his former padawan, an immediate understanding had grown between the older Jedi and her although they rarely met. He would know what to do, to say or maybe just how to remain silent and appease the muted fear creeping in her.
Noor mechanically reached to knock but before her knuckles made contact with the metallic door it opened.
Kenobi stood there his arms folded on his chest. His gaze swept over her whole form for the briefest moment before he raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
"What are you doing here?" she mumbled, echoing his own tacit question. She irritably wiped her tear-stained cheeks with the oversized sleeve of her padawan uniform surprised and slightly annoyed to bump into him when he was the last person she wished to see. The young master remained silent, merely shooting a second eyebrow up, his whole demeanor saying that:
a) his business was his own and b) she was not going anywhere until he got an explanation.
She raised her hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, I don't mean to pry. I want to see Master Jinn. Um. Please," she added, playing down the curtness of her words.
Her statement triggered a reaction that all but baffled Noor, for the first time since her arrival, the stony impassivity of his features tensed with something looking like a mix of surprise, disbelief and--- grief? Before she could open her mouth, he recomposed his face and answered in a flat, terse tone.
"No. You can't."
Lovely. She half expected to see the door shut in her face without further comment just to emphasize the rebuff. Instead, Kenobi took a step back aside, motioning her in. Too intrigued to pay much attention to his puzzling behavior, Noor followed him in the apartment's hallway.
There was something wrong there, she couldn't quite lay a finger on it but something had undeniably changed. Frowning, she gradually became aware that the hall looked strangely roomy. She walked past Kenobi who had stopped at the entrance of the living room and cast him a look from above her shoulder before coming in on her own.
Empty.
She surveyed the room's bare walls with an unsettling feeling of dread. She strode towards the bedroom to finally stand in the middle of an equally deserted place.
'He must have been dispatched somewhere on a mission,' she rationalized. Since the Republic's initial battle against the rebellion two months ago, the majority of the Temple's strength had been sent all around the Galaxy to plan and help the army action according to each one's skills. She was a bit disappointed to have to postpone her visit but she shrugged it off and went to exit.
Then she saw it.
She drew one finger along one of the wooden shelves. Dust. Immediately, her archeologist's professional reflexes kicked in. Examining her surroundings with more attention, she discovered that a thick gray layer coated the few remaining pieces of furniture and the floor. This flat had been left years ago--- She understood now her first impression of inadequacy in the hallway: this place was empty in all the meanings of the word.
No living energy dwelt in the area anymore.
"When?" she whispered.
"Little after your return on Earth."
Kenobi was leaning against the doorframe with eyes that remembered.
Noor brusquely turned around and went to plant herself just under his gaze. "Show me."
The glow in his large sad eyes wavered a little. Ever so slowly he raised his hand to her temple. She instinctively pulled back when images flashed in her mind but her new master's hand on her arm calmed her down. She watched the blockade on Naboo, the boy, the race, the battle to free the planet, the duel with the creature and Qui-Gon Jinn's fall--the image blurred at that point as a pang of guilt and pain affected the quality of the vision.
The focus changed, she saw now through his eyes. She was seized by an intense fury as the fight resumed, each blow he gave increased that almost desperate need to shed blood. Seeing Qui-Gon's limp body slip noiselessly to the ground had unleashed an unsuspected violence and the power of his moves was almost intoxicating. She heard his sour cry as he launched into the last attack that cut through the dark lord and pushed him in the void.
She saw the surprised look painted on the Sith's face echoing Qui-Gon's just before he died but that was not enough, an unadulterated rage burnt deep in him. How heavy had felt the dying body of his master in his arms--
She gasped and opened her eyes that she had unconsciously closed. The hatred was gone now but the wound in his soul was still gaping and she felt her heart slowly sink for him. He had been so close to fall into shadows--
He quickly withdrew his hands, obviously she had seen more than what he intended. The connection was broken along with the eye contact as he stepped away. Her hand flew almost to its own volition to grasp loosely his sleeve, she wouldn't let him fend her off as he had done in the past, she wanted to know. He stilled under her touch.
"A Sith?" she breathed. He nodded simply his eyes still not meeting hers. 'Oh no my lad, you're not slipping away this time.' She told herself. He cast her a smug sidelong glance almost as if he had heard and dared her act on her thought.
"Can we talk?" she heard herself utter hesitantly, finally asking for a cease-fire between them.
Kenobi didn't expect that, he tilted his head slightly and walked right through the door without a word. "I guess that means no," she said aloud in the empty room.
His head reappeared through the doorway a few seconds later.
"Well, are you coming?"
Knowing his ways by now, she didn't waste time to ask him where he was going and followed him calmly as she browsed through her memory all the kind of tortures ancient and new she had stored there to pick one colorful enough and make him pay the way he treated her.
Noor left the flat with a small smile tugging at her lips.
*****