Lost In Silence
by Bethany
Chapter Three
"Lilith...?" He blinked his eyes a bit, fully waking up. He sat in his bed, waiting for an answer. Sensing the tremor in the silence from the other end, he spoke again. "Lilith? Are you okay?" His voice softened. "Talk to me..."
Finding her voice, she stumbled over her words, not sure why she had called in the first place. She couldn't tell him now. It wasn't the right time or place to discuss such a serious matter. "I'm sorry I woke you, Frasier... I just needed to talk to someone."
"Is it the nightmare again?"
Lilith paused, deciding to go with the cards he dealt her. They had been exchanging numerous late-night phone calls over the past few months, and this wasn't the first time she had come so close to spilling her guts to him. Eventually, she had made up some ridiculous story about a recurring nightmare which haunted her dreams. If he only deciphered the metaphor behind her facade, he would know the true nightmares which filled her thoughts day in and day out. Only those nightmares weren't her subconscious playing cruel maniacal tricks on her -- no, those nightmares were the events of her past that haunted her every waking moment.
The guilt she felt for keeping her secret from Frasier was just as bad as the pain she bore for fifteen years. He was always there for her. She could call any hour of the day, and he would make time to share his words of wisdom and comfort with her, if only to momentarily relieve her of her agony. Their platonic relationship had blossomed over the past year, growing a firmer foundation than that they shared in all their years of marriage. This unspoken secret would prove to be the true test of their relationship. Could their friendship stay strong even through such a calculating deceit? Lilith didn't want to discover that answer.
"Yes..." She sniffed, the nagging voice inside telling her not to lie to him any longer. "It seems every time I think they're gone, they just come back to smack me in the face again."
"Oh, Lilith... this has gone on too long. We really should try to find out where these nightmares have rooted from..." Lilith panicked. "Have you reconsidered hypnosis?"
"Frasier, I've told you over and over again... I'm not going to be hypnotized. I'm sure the reasons behind the nightmares are insignificant. They'll surface eventually." Frasier sighed from the other end of the phone. "I really don't know how else to help you, Lilith. You refuse the only option I can come up with."
"Just reassure me that Frederick is all right and I'll try to get some sleep."
"He's fine."
"That's all I needed. Have Frederick call me tomorrow when he gets a chance."
"Will do." He paused. "Love you."
"Love you, too." Her voice drifted off, as a tear trickled down her cheek and she returned the phone to the receiver.
~*~*~*~*~
Madison panicked as she hurried down the hallway, trying to find the correct room. Whenever there was some mishap in her plans, her anxiety turned her into a complete scatter brain. Not a moment later she stood before the same door she had entered that rainy day two mornings ago. She clutched on to the damp umbrella as her other hand slowly turned the knob, until she stood in front of a room full of people, all varying in age. She completely forgot for the moment that she was drenched from head to toe.
"I'm so sorry I'm late... my car stalled... and I had to walk a block... I..."
"Take a seat, Maddi." Lilith motioned to a chair beside her. Madison made her way across the room, and sat beside the doctor, staring into the circle of unfamiliar faces. "Everyone, I'd like you to welcome Maddi to group." Madison felt awkward as they all said their own variation of 'welcome.' "We were just checking in."
"Checking in?" Maddi automatically felt stupid, questioning the term in front of all those strangers.
"Yes, we check in by introducing yourself, telling why you're here, telling how you feel emotionally, then setting a short term goal for the week that will help you in achieving the ultimate goal which led you here."
Madison stared at her, trying to absorb everything said. "Riley was just about to check in. Why don't you listen to her and see what I mean. Then you can give it a go." Madison watched Lilith as she talked, her legs crossed just so, her hands neatly placed on her lap. Then she turned her attention to the girl sitting on the other side of Dr. Sternin. She had long, wavy, raven tresses that draped over her creamy white shoulders. Her blue eyes smiled warmly at Madison as to silently say, "Welcome." Madison smiled back, feeling more at ease by the minute.
"Okay, I'm Margaret O'Reilly. Everyone calls me Riley, except for my mother, who calls me Maggie."
Madison watched as everyone said, "Hi, Riley."
"Well, I'm here because I was adopted. I'm still undecided on searching for my birth parents." Maddi's mind started drifting, as her foot bounced up and down, nervously, gently nibbling on the tips of her fingers. She looked at Lilith, who was watching Riley's every move. There was some spark in her eyes, Maddi noted, something that made Maddi believe Dr. Sternin could relate to everything the young girl was saying, on one level or another.
"And my goal is to talk to my mom to see exactly where she stands on my considering to search for my biological parents."
"An excellent goal, Riley." Lilith jotted down a few quick notes before turning to Madison, who was off in a daze. "Maddi?"
"Hmmm?" She looked to see a bunch of eyes staring her down like she was their latest prey. "My turn?" She smiled, nervously, as Lilith nodded for her to go ahead.
"Well, my name is Madison Westmore, and I'm obviously new here."
"Hi, Madison." They all said within a matter of brief intervals.
She smiled sweetly. "I'm here because... well... I was adopted. My, um... my parents..." She paused, as her voice choked up. How embarrassing to break down in front of a room full of complete strangers. A warm hand suddenly appeared on her back, moving in comforting circles. "It's okay, Maddi. That's why you're here... to let it all out." Lilith said in a low whisper. "My father just died..." Her voice cracked to the extent they wouldn't have understood what she was saying had they not read her lips. "My mother died when I was eight... I'm currently living with my father's second wife, who has played the role as my mother for the past nine years. After years of debating with myself, I've finally decided to search for my biological parents." She looked up helplessly at Lilith. "What else am I supposed to say?"
"How are you feeling emotionally?"
"I'm okay, I guess."
"'Okay' doesn't cut it here. Let it all out. You can swear, scream, yell... whatever it takes."
"You want to know how I truly feel? I'm terrified. I'm terrified at the prospect of finding my parents. I'm angry... I'm angry at them... I'm angry at myself. Why did they leave me? Why didn't they want me? What if I find them, only to lose them again, just as I've lost everyone else that I love." She paused, extremely embarrassed for blurting everything out.
"Don't stop, Maddi... let it all out."
"I don't know... I guess I'm just confused. I hate the feeling of walking down the street, wondering if I just passed my mother, or if my father is the man standing beside me on the subway. I guess I'm just afraid to find them. I mean, what if they aren't what I expected? What if they aren't what I've fantasized them to be? At the same time, I want to meet them more than anything. All the thoughts that go through my mind... do I look like my mother? Or my father? Or both? Maybe my father is some famous actor who doesn't even know I exist. Maybe that's where my love for theatre developed. I don't know... it's so much easier to dream about what they may be... what will happen when I'm finally faced with the truth? I can't go back."
"I know exactly how you feel." Riley broke the silence. "Believe me, those thoughts race through my mind every day. I just don't think you should let your fears get the best of you."
"I know... that's why I'm here."
"And we're all glad you are. We'll all help you in whatever way we can. Do you have a goal?"
"My goal is to locate my adoption papers. Most of my father's things have been locked up in storage since his death. I'm going to make a few phone calls in the morning to make arrangements to go look for them."
"Thank you, Madison. Well, everyone. That's all for this evening... I'll see you all next week, same time." They all shared good-byes, and Riley ran over to Maddi, just as she started to make her way out of the door. "Here's my cell. I'm on my way to work, but call me in the morning. Maybe we can do lunch or something. Chow!" Before Maddi could edge a word in, Riley was down the hall, waving back at her. She smiled to herself as she looked down at the scribbled number on the small piece of paper. Maybe this move to Boston wasn't so bad after all. Approaching the door, she nearly stepped out into the rain until she noticed the absence of her umbrella.
Hurriedly, Madison made her way back up to Dr. Sternin's office. She knocked lightly, letting herself in when she didn't get a response. As she walked in, her eyes immediately caught sight of the doctor slumped over on her desk, small whimpers echoing throughout the room. Madison stood in the doorway, uneasily. "Dr. Sternin?" Lilith looked up at the sound of her voice. "Madison." She turned a crimson red, as she tried recomposing herself in front of her young patient. "Can I help you with something?"
"No, I just forgot my umbrella, I'll just... if you don't mind my asking, are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Really." But her eyes told Madison otherwise. "Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed to cry in front of me." Maddi smiled angelically. Walking over to Lilith, she sat beside her. "Wanna talk?" Lilith let a smile creep through her tears. "And what exactly is your going rate, Miss Westmore?"
"Eh, for you... a grande mocha and a peanut butter cookie will suffice."
"Starbucks?"
"Perfect!"
Before Lilith could conceive what was happening, Madison was practically dragging her down the hall, across the street, and around the block to the nearby coffeehouse.
by Bethany
Chapter Three
"Lilith...?" He blinked his eyes a bit, fully waking up. He sat in his bed, waiting for an answer. Sensing the tremor in the silence from the other end, he spoke again. "Lilith? Are you okay?" His voice softened. "Talk to me..."
Finding her voice, she stumbled over her words, not sure why she had called in the first place. She couldn't tell him now. It wasn't the right time or place to discuss such a serious matter. "I'm sorry I woke you, Frasier... I just needed to talk to someone."
"Is it the nightmare again?"
Lilith paused, deciding to go with the cards he dealt her. They had been exchanging numerous late-night phone calls over the past few months, and this wasn't the first time she had come so close to spilling her guts to him. Eventually, she had made up some ridiculous story about a recurring nightmare which haunted her dreams. If he only deciphered the metaphor behind her facade, he would know the true nightmares which filled her thoughts day in and day out. Only those nightmares weren't her subconscious playing cruel maniacal tricks on her -- no, those nightmares were the events of her past that haunted her every waking moment.
The guilt she felt for keeping her secret from Frasier was just as bad as the pain she bore for fifteen years. He was always there for her. She could call any hour of the day, and he would make time to share his words of wisdom and comfort with her, if only to momentarily relieve her of her agony. Their platonic relationship had blossomed over the past year, growing a firmer foundation than that they shared in all their years of marriage. This unspoken secret would prove to be the true test of their relationship. Could their friendship stay strong even through such a calculating deceit? Lilith didn't want to discover that answer.
"Yes..." She sniffed, the nagging voice inside telling her not to lie to him any longer. "It seems every time I think they're gone, they just come back to smack me in the face again."
"Oh, Lilith... this has gone on too long. We really should try to find out where these nightmares have rooted from..." Lilith panicked. "Have you reconsidered hypnosis?"
"Frasier, I've told you over and over again... I'm not going to be hypnotized. I'm sure the reasons behind the nightmares are insignificant. They'll surface eventually." Frasier sighed from the other end of the phone. "I really don't know how else to help you, Lilith. You refuse the only option I can come up with."
"Just reassure me that Frederick is all right and I'll try to get some sleep."
"He's fine."
"That's all I needed. Have Frederick call me tomorrow when he gets a chance."
"Will do." He paused. "Love you."
"Love you, too." Her voice drifted off, as a tear trickled down her cheek and she returned the phone to the receiver.
~*~*~*~*~
Madison panicked as she hurried down the hallway, trying to find the correct room. Whenever there was some mishap in her plans, her anxiety turned her into a complete scatter brain. Not a moment later she stood before the same door she had entered that rainy day two mornings ago. She clutched on to the damp umbrella as her other hand slowly turned the knob, until she stood in front of a room full of people, all varying in age. She completely forgot for the moment that she was drenched from head to toe.
"I'm so sorry I'm late... my car stalled... and I had to walk a block... I..."
"Take a seat, Maddi." Lilith motioned to a chair beside her. Madison made her way across the room, and sat beside the doctor, staring into the circle of unfamiliar faces. "Everyone, I'd like you to welcome Maddi to group." Madison felt awkward as they all said their own variation of 'welcome.' "We were just checking in."
"Checking in?" Maddi automatically felt stupid, questioning the term in front of all those strangers.
"Yes, we check in by introducing yourself, telling why you're here, telling how you feel emotionally, then setting a short term goal for the week that will help you in achieving the ultimate goal which led you here."
Madison stared at her, trying to absorb everything said. "Riley was just about to check in. Why don't you listen to her and see what I mean. Then you can give it a go." Madison watched Lilith as she talked, her legs crossed just so, her hands neatly placed on her lap. Then she turned her attention to the girl sitting on the other side of Dr. Sternin. She had long, wavy, raven tresses that draped over her creamy white shoulders. Her blue eyes smiled warmly at Madison as to silently say, "Welcome." Madison smiled back, feeling more at ease by the minute.
"Okay, I'm Margaret O'Reilly. Everyone calls me Riley, except for my mother, who calls me Maggie."
Madison watched as everyone said, "Hi, Riley."
"Well, I'm here because I was adopted. I'm still undecided on searching for my birth parents." Maddi's mind started drifting, as her foot bounced up and down, nervously, gently nibbling on the tips of her fingers. She looked at Lilith, who was watching Riley's every move. There was some spark in her eyes, Maddi noted, something that made Maddi believe Dr. Sternin could relate to everything the young girl was saying, on one level or another.
"And my goal is to talk to my mom to see exactly where she stands on my considering to search for my biological parents."
"An excellent goal, Riley." Lilith jotted down a few quick notes before turning to Madison, who was off in a daze. "Maddi?"
"Hmmm?" She looked to see a bunch of eyes staring her down like she was their latest prey. "My turn?" She smiled, nervously, as Lilith nodded for her to go ahead.
"Well, my name is Madison Westmore, and I'm obviously new here."
"Hi, Madison." They all said within a matter of brief intervals.
She smiled sweetly. "I'm here because... well... I was adopted. My, um... my parents..." She paused, as her voice choked up. How embarrassing to break down in front of a room full of complete strangers. A warm hand suddenly appeared on her back, moving in comforting circles. "It's okay, Maddi. That's why you're here... to let it all out." Lilith said in a low whisper. "My father just died..." Her voice cracked to the extent they wouldn't have understood what she was saying had they not read her lips. "My mother died when I was eight... I'm currently living with my father's second wife, who has played the role as my mother for the past nine years. After years of debating with myself, I've finally decided to search for my biological parents." She looked up helplessly at Lilith. "What else am I supposed to say?"
"How are you feeling emotionally?"
"I'm okay, I guess."
"'Okay' doesn't cut it here. Let it all out. You can swear, scream, yell... whatever it takes."
"You want to know how I truly feel? I'm terrified. I'm terrified at the prospect of finding my parents. I'm angry... I'm angry at them... I'm angry at myself. Why did they leave me? Why didn't they want me? What if I find them, only to lose them again, just as I've lost everyone else that I love." She paused, extremely embarrassed for blurting everything out.
"Don't stop, Maddi... let it all out."
"I don't know... I guess I'm just confused. I hate the feeling of walking down the street, wondering if I just passed my mother, or if my father is the man standing beside me on the subway. I guess I'm just afraid to find them. I mean, what if they aren't what I expected? What if they aren't what I've fantasized them to be? At the same time, I want to meet them more than anything. All the thoughts that go through my mind... do I look like my mother? Or my father? Or both? Maybe my father is some famous actor who doesn't even know I exist. Maybe that's where my love for theatre developed. I don't know... it's so much easier to dream about what they may be... what will happen when I'm finally faced with the truth? I can't go back."
"I know exactly how you feel." Riley broke the silence. "Believe me, those thoughts race through my mind every day. I just don't think you should let your fears get the best of you."
"I know... that's why I'm here."
"And we're all glad you are. We'll all help you in whatever way we can. Do you have a goal?"
"My goal is to locate my adoption papers. Most of my father's things have been locked up in storage since his death. I'm going to make a few phone calls in the morning to make arrangements to go look for them."
"Thank you, Madison. Well, everyone. That's all for this evening... I'll see you all next week, same time." They all shared good-byes, and Riley ran over to Maddi, just as she started to make her way out of the door. "Here's my cell. I'm on my way to work, but call me in the morning. Maybe we can do lunch or something. Chow!" Before Maddi could edge a word in, Riley was down the hall, waving back at her. She smiled to herself as she looked down at the scribbled number on the small piece of paper. Maybe this move to Boston wasn't so bad after all. Approaching the door, she nearly stepped out into the rain until she noticed the absence of her umbrella.
Hurriedly, Madison made her way back up to Dr. Sternin's office. She knocked lightly, letting herself in when she didn't get a response. As she walked in, her eyes immediately caught sight of the doctor slumped over on her desk, small whimpers echoing throughout the room. Madison stood in the doorway, uneasily. "Dr. Sternin?" Lilith looked up at the sound of her voice. "Madison." She turned a crimson red, as she tried recomposing herself in front of her young patient. "Can I help you with something?"
"No, I just forgot my umbrella, I'll just... if you don't mind my asking, are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Really." But her eyes told Madison otherwise. "Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed to cry in front of me." Maddi smiled angelically. Walking over to Lilith, she sat beside her. "Wanna talk?" Lilith let a smile creep through her tears. "And what exactly is your going rate, Miss Westmore?"
"Eh, for you... a grande mocha and a peanut butter cookie will suffice."
"Starbucks?"
"Perfect!"
Before Lilith could conceive what was happening, Madison was practically dragging her down the hall, across the street, and around the block to the nearby coffeehouse.