Chapter 17: The Device
*The four walk towards Samus ship after fleeing Bowser's castle, which is still infested with "super" goombas. A super goomba bounces out of the window and into the sky at incredible speed. The four enter the ship to find everyone still asleep...well, everyone except Pikachu, who is still obsessed with the dictionary. Peach collapses onto the floor, changing back into the so called kind, and loving princess.*
Peach: ...what happened?
Fox: You were being an annoyance.
Peach: If anyone were an annoyance it would be you!
Pikachu: *Finally noticing the four* Oh, hi! I was looking in here and there seems to be a few words that were blocked from my vocabulary. I think that Jeff guy programmed these words to be blocked. One of them is spelled B...i-t-c-
Peach: NO! *Grabbing the dictionary* they were blocked for a reason. You are never to say these words!
Pikachu: Never?
Peach: NEVER!
Pikachu: ...okay.
Samus: I almost got raped and everyone's STILL asleep?! WAKE THE HELL UP!!!
*Everyone begins to wake up, a little cranky.*
C.Falcon: Hey...where's Yoshi and Shyla?
Pikachu: Last I saw of them...they went into the back room.
Samus: I better see what those two dinosaurs are up to...
*Samus opens the door to the back room of her ship...all is dark. She enters the room and makes out the voice of Yoshi and Shyla.
Shyla: Harder, dammit, HARDER!
Yoshi: If I do this any harder someone might get hurt mainly you !
Shyla: What are you, some wussy man? HARD- Ouch!
Yoshi: I told you someone might get hurt.
Shyla: You did that on purpose!
Yoshi: Heh...maybe I did.
Samus: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
*The booming of Samus' voice startles both dinosaurs. Shyla's tail smacks into Yoshi, knocking him over.*
Yoshi: Ow...um, Samus, I might need your help over here.
Samus: NEVER!
Yoshi: You're not going to help me get Shyla's head out of the refrigerator?
Samus: ...for a second, I thought you two were doing something else.
Yoshi: Huh...what did you THINK we were doing?
Ness: She thought you two were getting freaky because it sounded like that from way in the front room.
Samus: What is she doing with her head stuck in there anyway?
Yoshi: Not too long ago, we found out that we have something in common. We love to eat! Of course, she can't turn whatever she digests into eggs like me for I am the mighty Yoshi and I rock!
Ness: ...even though laying eggs is the FEMALE's job! *Snicker*.
Yoshi: Shut up! I have no idea why she stuck her head in there. I guess she was THAT hungry.
Shyla: LIER! You told me to look inside.
Yoshi: But I didn't say, "Stick your head inside".
Samus: Let's just pull her out.
*Samus, Ness, and Yoshi tug on the tail of Shyla and she slips right out without a problem.*
Ness: Wow...you must be weak, Yoshi. We pulled her out together without much hassle.
Yoshi: I AM NOT WEAK!
Samus: My...food.
Yoshi: Huh?
*Samus stood there, staring at an empty fridge.*
Samus: She...ate...EVERYTHING! Now I'll have to restock!
Yoshi: Hmph! I didn't get to eat anything.
Shyla: ...I was hungry...
*Samus stomps out of the room and to the cockpit. Yoshi and Shyla walk out of the backroom only to be surprised by the applauding they heard.*
Yoshi: Huh...
Shyla: They think that we...
Yoshi: We didn't do anything!
Gdorf: Sure you didn't...
Ness: Guys, I was there, they didn't do anything...
*Booing erupts throughout the ship.*
Samus: SHUT UP! I am trying to start the ship!
*The booing gets louder.*
Samus: Didn't I say shut up!?
Kirby: Calm down, Samus...we need to concentrate on finding the device right now.
*Samus slams the "launch" button in the cockpit and the ship takes off into the air at incredible speed, sending many crashing down to the floor.
Samus: ...we don't even know where the damn thing is...
C.Falcon: Actually...I have it right here.
Yoshi: WHAT?!
C.Falcon: I won it in the last race I was in. They said it is suppose to bring people from another world back in forth at will. But it doesn't work, tried it.
Yoshi: Knowing you, you probably broke it.
*Falcon pulls out the device from his pocket. He fumbles and drops it on the ground.*
Zelda: FALCON!
C.Falcon: Oops!
*Samus picks up the device and studies it carefully, trying to figure out how it works.*
Samus: Falcon...I know why it wasn't working for you.
C.Falcon: Why?
Samus: Because you never gave it an energy source!
C.Falcon: Energy source?
Samus: BATTERIES!
C.Falcon: Oh...I thought it came with batteries.
Fox: Idiot...
C.Falcon: I am not an idiot!
Link: ...
Yoshi: Sure you aren't, Falcon. Sure you aren't...
C.Falcon: See! Yoshi knows I'm not an idiot.
Yoshi: *Sweatdrop* I was using sarcasm, Falcon.
C.Falcon: Sar- what?
Pikachu: Falcon, come over here and I'll help you look it up in this dictionary.
*Samus skips (SKIPS?!) over to a compartment near her cockpit, obviously, the sudden turn of events has put her into a good mood. She quickly changes the skipping into a fast paced walk before anyone could realize that she was skipping. She opens the compartment and pulls out several batteries and inserts them into the device. Se then walks over to the cockpit and changes the ships coordinates.*
Samus: This device might need some space to function.
Kirby: It's kinda hard to believe that THIS device will bring Miyamoto here.
Yoshi: Yeah, it looks like a freakin' T.V. remote control.
Gdorf: Enough talk! I want to get things straight with Miyamoto!
Samus: Don't go blowing steam off at him. I'm sure it wasn't his decision for you to have Falcon's moveset.
C.Falcon: You should be thanking the people at HAL for giving you such a good moveset. *Smiles*
Gdorf: Well...he better get things straight with HAL. I cannot rule Hyrule with the moveset of Falcon.
Zelda: You'd have to beat Link first, which you've yet to do!
Gdorf: Quiet, before I take the both of you out.
*Link rises to the challenge, unsheathing the Master Sword. The two stare at each other for a moment, and then charge at full speed. Samus' ship comes to an abrupt stop, sending the two tumbling onto the floor. The ship slowly lands on the top of a mountain located in a Jungle region. Everyone begins to pour out of the ship and cluster up as Samus punches in a few buttons on the device. Kirby snatches the device from Samus' hands out of pure anxiousness and pushes the green button labeled "GO".*
Samus: Kirby, no!
Kirby: I thought you set the device already!
*The device began to glow and shot a beam towards the ground and a person began to materialize.*
Samus: If you don't set coordinates on the device and tell it who to bring from the other world, it will pick a random person and bring them here!
Kirby: Well we'll just send them back.
*Peach and Zelda squeal in horror as the person has fully materialized. The person has revealed himself to be the infamous Richard Simmons. Zelda hops behind Link and Peach hops behind Mario, while holding on to Toad as a weapon.*
Mario: Who is-a that?
Zelda: It's evil in its purest form!
Peach: Keep him away from me!
*Simmons checks out the area, and notices the two females hiding from him.*
Fox: Who the hell is this fawker and why does he have the wench and the tramp scared?
Kirby: Ya know, I still have no idea what a wench is.
Pikachu: Well, if you look it up in that dictionary I had-
Kirby: I'm not going to look up anything in a dictionary you touched!
Pikachu: ...I think I should be offended by that comment..?
Simmons: You two ladies *pointing to Zelda and Peach* look like you could lose some weight! I have the perfect 24-hour exercise plan for you both!
Zelda&Peach: EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
*Richard approaches Zelda, who is still hiding behind Link. His attention is then taken away from Zelda and turned to Link. He begins to check Link out.*
Simmons: Hey...you look good in that outfit, could you tell me where to get one?
Link: ...?
Zelda: Link! Kill it! It's evil!
*Link begins to unsheathe the Master Sword once again. Richard, realizing that he is not wanted here, begins to make his way over to Yoshi.*
Simmons: You look like you could lose some weight aswell...you wanna exercise with me and the two girls over there?
Yoshi: (irritated) Get away from me!
Simmons: Oh, c'mon! You'll look even sexier than you already do!
*Yoshi whispers something to Shyla. Her eyes go blood red and she begins to foam at the mouth. She starts to roar in a rage and grabs Richard Simmons and starts to chew on his head. Simmons screams in pain. She then attempts to swallow him by raising her head causing Simmons' body to slide further into her mouth.*
Peach: Chew him up!
*Captain Falcon, actually feeling sorry for Richard, attempts to pull him out by his legs dangling from the mouth of Shyla. Shyla smacks Falcon away with her tail, and begins to swing her head about wildly with Simmons still in her mouth, whose body is shaking around like a rag doll.*
Kirby: S-Samus! Do something! We can't just let him DIE!
Samus: No one else seems to have a problem with him becoming food for Shyla.
Kirby: Samus!
Samus: Hmm... If she eats him, I won't have to worry about her eating the fridge clean again anytime soon.
Kirby: SAMUS!
Samus: Okay, since you insist.
Fox: No, dammit! This is entertaining!
*Captain Falcon tries to save Richard again, but the vicious dinosaur is swinging the body too wildly for him to grasp onto it. Samus grabs the device from Kirby and pushes the "Return" button while aiming it at the swinging body of Richard Simmons. A beam of light is launched into the mouth of Shyla and Richard Simmons begins to dematerialize and return back to the world from which he came (It's hard to believe that we live on the same planet as the evil being known as Richard Simmons). Shyla's mouth slams shut as the body is now gone. She licks the blood of Simmons off of her lips and teeth with a satisfied look as she comes back to her senses.*
Zelda: The terror is over... *Sigh*
Kirby: Yoshi! What did you tell her that made her go that crazy!
Yoshi: I told Shyla that he was trying to pose as competition for her to win my love. I rock so hard that she wants me to herself with absolutely NO competition.
Zelda: Eliminating the competition...
Shyla: If that man had laid a finger on my Yoshi...
Kirby: You've probably already killed the man! What else would you do to him?!
*A transparent screen appears infront of the device while Samus punches in coordinates. The screen went from blank to the picture of a conference room. Several men were discussing something on a black (and nicely shiny) table inside. Several pictures of old Legend of Zelda games are scattered on the table. The men were discussing the issue of whether or not to remake older Legend of Zelda games and putting them on one disk for the Gamecube. Samus hits the "Go" button on the device and a strange light surrounds one of the men in the room. He dematerializes from the chair. Several of the men look around the room trying to figure out where he went. The man materializes on the mountain, a few feet away from the crowd of Nintendo mascots.
Kirby: *Gasp* Shigeru Miyamoto!
*The four walk towards Samus ship after fleeing Bowser's castle, which is still infested with "super" goombas. A super goomba bounces out of the window and into the sky at incredible speed. The four enter the ship to find everyone still asleep...well, everyone except Pikachu, who is still obsessed with the dictionary. Peach collapses onto the floor, changing back into the so called kind, and loving princess.*
Peach: ...what happened?
Fox: You were being an annoyance.
Peach: If anyone were an annoyance it would be you!
Pikachu: *Finally noticing the four* Oh, hi! I was looking in here and there seems to be a few words that were blocked from my vocabulary. I think that Jeff guy programmed these words to be blocked. One of them is spelled B...i-t-c-
Peach: NO! *Grabbing the dictionary* they were blocked for a reason. You are never to say these words!
Pikachu: Never?
Peach: NEVER!
Pikachu: ...okay.
Samus: I almost got raped and everyone's STILL asleep?! WAKE THE HELL UP!!!
*Everyone begins to wake up, a little cranky.*
C.Falcon: Hey...where's Yoshi and Shyla?
Pikachu: Last I saw of them...they went into the back room.
Samus: I better see what those two dinosaurs are up to...
*Samus opens the door to the back room of her ship...all is dark. She enters the room and makes out the voice of Yoshi and Shyla.
Shyla: Harder, dammit, HARDER!
Yoshi: If I do this any harder someone might get hurt mainly you !
Shyla: What are you, some wussy man? HARD- Ouch!
Yoshi: I told you someone might get hurt.
Shyla: You did that on purpose!
Yoshi: Heh...maybe I did.
Samus: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!
*The booming of Samus' voice startles both dinosaurs. Shyla's tail smacks into Yoshi, knocking him over.*
Yoshi: Ow...um, Samus, I might need your help over here.
Samus: NEVER!
Yoshi: You're not going to help me get Shyla's head out of the refrigerator?
Samus: ...for a second, I thought you two were doing something else.
Yoshi: Huh...what did you THINK we were doing?
Ness: She thought you two were getting freaky because it sounded like that from way in the front room.
Samus: What is she doing with her head stuck in there anyway?
Yoshi: Not too long ago, we found out that we have something in common. We love to eat! Of course, she can't turn whatever she digests into eggs like me for I am the mighty Yoshi and I rock!
Ness: ...even though laying eggs is the FEMALE's job! *Snicker*.
Yoshi: Shut up! I have no idea why she stuck her head in there. I guess she was THAT hungry.
Shyla: LIER! You told me to look inside.
Yoshi: But I didn't say, "Stick your head inside".
Samus: Let's just pull her out.
*Samus, Ness, and Yoshi tug on the tail of Shyla and she slips right out without a problem.*
Ness: Wow...you must be weak, Yoshi. We pulled her out together without much hassle.
Yoshi: I AM NOT WEAK!
Samus: My...food.
Yoshi: Huh?
*Samus stood there, staring at an empty fridge.*
Samus: She...ate...EVERYTHING! Now I'll have to restock!
Yoshi: Hmph! I didn't get to eat anything.
Shyla: ...I was hungry...
*Samus stomps out of the room and to the cockpit. Yoshi and Shyla walk out of the backroom only to be surprised by the applauding they heard.*
Yoshi: Huh...
Shyla: They think that we...
Yoshi: We didn't do anything!
Gdorf: Sure you didn't...
Ness: Guys, I was there, they didn't do anything...
*Booing erupts throughout the ship.*
Samus: SHUT UP! I am trying to start the ship!
*The booing gets louder.*
Samus: Didn't I say shut up!?
Kirby: Calm down, Samus...we need to concentrate on finding the device right now.
*Samus slams the "launch" button in the cockpit and the ship takes off into the air at incredible speed, sending many crashing down to the floor.
Samus: ...we don't even know where the damn thing is...
C.Falcon: Actually...I have it right here.
Yoshi: WHAT?!
C.Falcon: I won it in the last race I was in. They said it is suppose to bring people from another world back in forth at will. But it doesn't work, tried it.
Yoshi: Knowing you, you probably broke it.
*Falcon pulls out the device from his pocket. He fumbles and drops it on the ground.*
Zelda: FALCON!
C.Falcon: Oops!
*Samus picks up the device and studies it carefully, trying to figure out how it works.*
Samus: Falcon...I know why it wasn't working for you.
C.Falcon: Why?
Samus: Because you never gave it an energy source!
C.Falcon: Energy source?
Samus: BATTERIES!
C.Falcon: Oh...I thought it came with batteries.
Fox: Idiot...
C.Falcon: I am not an idiot!
Link: ...
Yoshi: Sure you aren't, Falcon. Sure you aren't...
C.Falcon: See! Yoshi knows I'm not an idiot.
Yoshi: *Sweatdrop* I was using sarcasm, Falcon.
C.Falcon: Sar- what?
Pikachu: Falcon, come over here and I'll help you look it up in this dictionary.
*Samus skips (SKIPS?!) over to a compartment near her cockpit, obviously, the sudden turn of events has put her into a good mood. She quickly changes the skipping into a fast paced walk before anyone could realize that she was skipping. She opens the compartment and pulls out several batteries and inserts them into the device. Se then walks over to the cockpit and changes the ships coordinates.*
Samus: This device might need some space to function.
Kirby: It's kinda hard to believe that THIS device will bring Miyamoto here.
Yoshi: Yeah, it looks like a freakin' T.V. remote control.
Gdorf: Enough talk! I want to get things straight with Miyamoto!
Samus: Don't go blowing steam off at him. I'm sure it wasn't his decision for you to have Falcon's moveset.
C.Falcon: You should be thanking the people at HAL for giving you such a good moveset. *Smiles*
Gdorf: Well...he better get things straight with HAL. I cannot rule Hyrule with the moveset of Falcon.
Zelda: You'd have to beat Link first, which you've yet to do!
Gdorf: Quiet, before I take the both of you out.
*Link rises to the challenge, unsheathing the Master Sword. The two stare at each other for a moment, and then charge at full speed. Samus' ship comes to an abrupt stop, sending the two tumbling onto the floor. The ship slowly lands on the top of a mountain located in a Jungle region. Everyone begins to pour out of the ship and cluster up as Samus punches in a few buttons on the device. Kirby snatches the device from Samus' hands out of pure anxiousness and pushes the green button labeled "GO".*
Samus: Kirby, no!
Kirby: I thought you set the device already!
*The device began to glow and shot a beam towards the ground and a person began to materialize.*
Samus: If you don't set coordinates on the device and tell it who to bring from the other world, it will pick a random person and bring them here!
Kirby: Well we'll just send them back.
*Peach and Zelda squeal in horror as the person has fully materialized. The person has revealed himself to be the infamous Richard Simmons. Zelda hops behind Link and Peach hops behind Mario, while holding on to Toad as a weapon.*
Mario: Who is-a that?
Zelda: It's evil in its purest form!
Peach: Keep him away from me!
*Simmons checks out the area, and notices the two females hiding from him.*
Fox: Who the hell is this fawker and why does he have the wench and the tramp scared?
Kirby: Ya know, I still have no idea what a wench is.
Pikachu: Well, if you look it up in that dictionary I had-
Kirby: I'm not going to look up anything in a dictionary you touched!
Pikachu: ...I think I should be offended by that comment..?
Simmons: You two ladies *pointing to Zelda and Peach* look like you could lose some weight! I have the perfect 24-hour exercise plan for you both!
Zelda&Peach: EEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
*Richard approaches Zelda, who is still hiding behind Link. His attention is then taken away from Zelda and turned to Link. He begins to check Link out.*
Simmons: Hey...you look good in that outfit, could you tell me where to get one?
Link: ...?
Zelda: Link! Kill it! It's evil!
*Link begins to unsheathe the Master Sword once again. Richard, realizing that he is not wanted here, begins to make his way over to Yoshi.*
Simmons: You look like you could lose some weight aswell...you wanna exercise with me and the two girls over there?
Yoshi: (irritated) Get away from me!
Simmons: Oh, c'mon! You'll look even sexier than you already do!
*Yoshi whispers something to Shyla. Her eyes go blood red and she begins to foam at the mouth. She starts to roar in a rage and grabs Richard Simmons and starts to chew on his head. Simmons screams in pain. She then attempts to swallow him by raising her head causing Simmons' body to slide further into her mouth.*
Peach: Chew him up!
*Captain Falcon, actually feeling sorry for Richard, attempts to pull him out by his legs dangling from the mouth of Shyla. Shyla smacks Falcon away with her tail, and begins to swing her head about wildly with Simmons still in her mouth, whose body is shaking around like a rag doll.*
Kirby: S-Samus! Do something! We can't just let him DIE!
Samus: No one else seems to have a problem with him becoming food for Shyla.
Kirby: Samus!
Samus: Hmm... If she eats him, I won't have to worry about her eating the fridge clean again anytime soon.
Kirby: SAMUS!
Samus: Okay, since you insist.
Fox: No, dammit! This is entertaining!
*Captain Falcon tries to save Richard again, but the vicious dinosaur is swinging the body too wildly for him to grasp onto it. Samus grabs the device from Kirby and pushes the "Return" button while aiming it at the swinging body of Richard Simmons. A beam of light is launched into the mouth of Shyla and Richard Simmons begins to dematerialize and return back to the world from which he came (It's hard to believe that we live on the same planet as the evil being known as Richard Simmons). Shyla's mouth slams shut as the body is now gone. She licks the blood of Simmons off of her lips and teeth with a satisfied look as she comes back to her senses.*
Zelda: The terror is over... *Sigh*
Kirby: Yoshi! What did you tell her that made her go that crazy!
Yoshi: I told Shyla that he was trying to pose as competition for her to win my love. I rock so hard that she wants me to herself with absolutely NO competition.
Zelda: Eliminating the competition...
Shyla: If that man had laid a finger on my Yoshi...
Kirby: You've probably already killed the man! What else would you do to him?!
*A transparent screen appears infront of the device while Samus punches in coordinates. The screen went from blank to the picture of a conference room. Several men were discussing something on a black (and nicely shiny) table inside. Several pictures of old Legend of Zelda games are scattered on the table. The men were discussing the issue of whether or not to remake older Legend of Zelda games and putting them on one disk for the Gamecube. Samus hits the "Go" button on the device and a strange light surrounds one of the men in the room. He dematerializes from the chair. Several of the men look around the room trying to figure out where he went. The man materializes on the mountain, a few feet away from the crowd of Nintendo mascots.
Kirby: *Gasp* Shigeru Miyamoto!