Title: Bonding, Air Travel and Dreams

Spoilers: None. Completely AU after There's The Rub, no Teach Me Tonight or any episodes following that in my continuum.

Archived: October 25, 2002

Rating: R as a whole document

Author's Note: Well…I hope you like it. Review or there won't be any more chapters. That is a serious threat, as there are other things I could be writing. I like reviews! Please give me more reviews!…okay, I'm done begging. Warning: angst ahead. Sadness and drama ensue. I couldn't help it.

**********

Lorelai and Luke were at it again. "Come on, Luke!"

"No!" Luke snapped, his patience at an end. "No, no, no! How many times do I have to tell you? I will not do it, I won't do it, and nothing you say can make me do it!"

Lorelai stood and pulled Luke to her in a hard kiss, not letting him come up for air for a good solid minute. She pulled away, and tilted her head to one side. "Please?" she asked softly, making her most mournful face at him.

"You've already had twelve cups today!" he said, refusing to be daunted by the fierce blush staining his cheeks. "And that's just the ones you've already conned me out of! I'm not giving you any more coffee!"

She gasped, and pulled back as if she'd been slapped. Her eyes narrowed as she stared hard at her fiancé. "I can't believe it!" she railed, throwing her hands up in supplication. "Rory, can you believe this?" she appealed to her daughter, sitting at the counter with Jess, debating the merits (or lack thereof, in Jess' opinion) in the latest installment of the Harry Potter books.

"Yes, I can," Rory said. "I saw how many cups you had, and you're pushing the limit, even for you."

"No respect," Lorelai said. "I get no respect. Not even from my own daughter can I get back up. And I don't suppose you're going to be any help here either, are you?" she demanded, turning on Jess. He stayed planted behind the counter, his lips twitching and betraying his amusement.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," he said very deliberately. She gave him the same death-glare she'd given him every other time he'd pulled the too-respectful act on her. "But as I don't want to go down with floundering troops, I'm going with the majority here."

"Fine!" Lorelai shouted. She pointed commandingly at Luke. "Then…go…get me a…milkshake!"

"We don't have milkshakes," Luke said.

"I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out how to make some," she snapped. Then she softened enough to say, "Come on, Luke? You won't give me coffee, I need something!"

Luke sighed. "Sure I can't convince you to try tea?"

"If God hadn't wanted mortals to drink tea He wouldn't have invented coffee beans."

Just then Taylor came into the nearly empty diner and ordered coffee. "Taylor," Lorelai gasped, looking at her watch. "It's nearly seven! Why aren't you getting dressed for bed?"

Taylor scowled momentarily. "Make it to go, please," he said, never addressing Jess by name. He didn't care that the boy had graduated from high school and was now as much a part of Luke's diner as Luke himself; the kid had put a fake body outline in front of his store. He was just plain no good. "Somebody is cleaning out my distributor of lima beans. He hasn't had any for weeks! I've got complaints! Every time I try to go and buy some he says I just missed the person who buys him out! So, this time, I'm just going to stay up all night at get there right as he opens and find out who is buying those beans out from under me!"

"Whoa, Taylor," Lorelai said. "Don't you think you could've just gotten up extra early?"

"I tried. My alarm clock isn't working."

"Buy another one."

"I just need batteries."

"Get some batteries."

"I'm closed for the day."

"You own the store!"

"It would be immoral of me to use the store for my own personal gains." He took his take-out cup from Jess, handed him money, and stalked out without another word.

"Boy," Rory said after a moment. "He sure gets cranky when he's up past his bedtime."

Everyone laughed at that. Luke presented Lorelai with a chocolate shake, with coffee sprinkled on top. "Oh, Luke!" Lorelai said, smiling brilliantly at him. "It's perfect! You're forgiven."

The phone rang. Jess had his hands full of change, and Luke was busy with Lorelai, so Rory went over and picked it up. "Luke's Diner," she said in her best official tone.

"Hello. Is Mr. Jess Mariano present?"

"Um, yes. Hold on a moment." Rory said. She put the handset down on the counter, and moved to take over counting out the till. "It's for you, Jess," she said, and they exchanged a puzzled look. She divided her attention between the money and her boyfriend on the phone. About two seconds into the conversation, though, he turned his back to the diner, murmuring sporadically in a low voice. Rory frowned, and finished counting quickly.

"Okay," Jess said. "Yeah, I'll think about it. Thanks. Bye." He hung up, and just stood there for a long moment, his hand still on the phone. Then his hand fell to his side, and he turned to face the three watching him curiously. He had a very peculiar expression on his face, under the mask of indifference. He looked sad, confused, but most of all…hurt?

"Who was that?" Luke asked bluntly.

Jess jerked his head up, as if he hadn't noticed everyone else with him. "That, uh…you know what? I gotta get out of here. I'll be back in a while." He ran out the door and into the late summer evening, and before any of them could think about following, the dark swallowed him.

"He went to the bridge," Rory said, shock making her voice sound slightly hollow.

"Of course he did," Luke said. Then he got up and went to the phone.

"What are you doing?" Lorelai asked.

"Finding out at the very least who called." He hit the *69, and wrote down the number on the order pad. "It's a three-oh-three area code. Where's that?"

Lorelai and Rory both shrugged. "Okay," Luke said. He shook his head. "I could call the number, but what would I say? 'Hi, you just called here. May I ask what it was in regards to?'"

"Works for me," Rory said. Then she noticed her mother attempting to sneak out the door. "Mom?" she asked. She hoped her mother was going to check on Jess. Rory had done everything she could think of to encourage Jess and Lorelai's relationship, and she hoped this was the fruit of her labors.

"Can I try?" Lorelai looked stubborn, as if she were going whether they wanted her to or not. She didn't know what was wrong, but got the feeling he was going to need an objective sounding board, which she could easily provide. "Everyone else in this family talks to everyone else. It's my turn to try to talk to Jess." She exited the diner before Rory or Luke could respond to that.

"Let's let the investigation wait," Rory said. "Maybe he'll talk about it when they get back."

"It's either that or have her to drag his limp body back so she can torture it out of him." Rory laughed shortly at that dark comment then looked out the window in concern.

**********

Lorelai approached the bridge carefully, being watchful of any tree roots that would trip her up. She parted the foliage and watched Jess, sitting on the edge with his feet almost touching the water.

She walked out onto the wood, and knew that he couldn't miss the hollow click of her heels on the wood. When she was near him, she sat down, removing her shoes and dipping her feet into the water.

"Wow," she said. "It's not very cold."

"There's not much water there," Jess said, his voice dull. "It doesn't take much to heat it."

"Huh," Lorelai said. They sat in silence, the only sound being the water swishing around Lorelai's bright-blue-painted toenails. "So…what happened back there?" she asked.

Jess snorted, but said nothing. "Hey, Jess," Lorelai said, and bumped his shoulder lightly with her own. "I thought that whole antipathy thing was behind us." No response. "I know we haven't talked a lot, apart from Luke and Rory, I mean," she babbled on. "But I kinda thought we could work the whole former-teen-troublemaker angle together, although I've been former for longer than you have." She sighed. "Jess?"

He bit his lip slightly before he answered. "That was a lawyer's office," he said. "In…Denver, apparently. They called to tell me that I'm a benefactor of some will they're handling."

"Well, that's a mixed blessing, isn't it?" Lorelai asked, still confused, but less so. "I mean, on the one hand, it means that you're getting something, right? And that someone thought enough of you to put you in their will. But on the other hand…someone died." She paused while she considered the next question. "Do you know who it was?" she asked, her voice barely audible.

"In theory," Jess said darkly. "I guess I do know, as much as anyone can know someone who abandoned them. It was my father." He snorted. "You know, this is the first time in years that I've wished I had a cigarette?" He raised his hand, holding it as if there was a cigarette in between his fingers. "My father," he continued, dropping his hand. "The word's so alien to me. Father. It's almost funny. I haven't seen hide or hair of this guy in twelve years. The only time I heard about him after I stopped asking, 'Is dad ever coming back?' is when my mom gave me his camera at my graduation. Now he's dead."

"How'd it happen?" Lorelai asked hesitantly.

"He apparently was driving and a huge elk ran out in front of his car. The lawyer said it wasn't an easy way to go."

Lorelai had no response to that, and so the silence grew more tense as it stretched longer. She didn't know what to do: should she hug him? Say something? What was the etiquette for this kind of thing? She didn't know, so she let the silence hang there.

"So what… What am I supposed to do now?" Jess said, his voice cracking just a bit. "Huh? What am I supposed to do? How am I going to tell that bastard off now? How am I going to tell him exactly what he did to mom and me? How am I going to demonstrate for him what it feels like to be thrown to the wolves for the sake of some whim? How am I supposed," Jess said, his voice beginning to rise until he shouted, "to rip out his heart and give it to him, still beating, and see how he likes it?" Jess made impotent gestures towards the water, as if he could throw away all the hurtful memories as easily as he could toss a pebble. Tears streamed down his face, but he didn't seem to notice them. His voice quieted. "How am I going to tell him that I missed him? That I never stopped missing him? That for years, all I wanted was for him to come back?"

Lorelai pulled him to her, his head on her shoulder as she made wordless sounds of comfort. He didn't sob, but she felt the tears sliding down her arm just the same. She held him, comforted him, and simply sat with him in the night, reflecting on the thought that it was too bad it took a tragedy to get them to really connect.

**********

Jess pushed open the door to the diner, though the sign on it said it was closed for the night. Luke and Rory half-stood when they saw him, but said nothing about his swollen eyes and the obvious fact that he'd been crying. Lorelai, with sympathetic tears blurring her own eyes, walked in behind him. The foursome sat, and Rory grabbed Jess' hand under the surface of the table.

Rory and Luke waited for Jess to speak, giving him time. "My father died," he finally said, his voice nearly expressionless again. "I'm apparently named in his will."

Rory was the first to speak. "Are you going to the funeral?" she asked gently, squeezing his hand softly. Jess turned his face to her, expression blank.

"I don't know," he said. "I just…I need to think about this. I mean, I don't…didn't know him. Do I have any place to mourn him when he's been as good as dead to me for more than a decade?"

Luke sighed. "Normally, you know my position on family." They all nodded fervently, having witnessed the Louie episode. "But…. No. I have no say in this: this is totally your decision." Luke folded his arms.

"You think I should go," Jess supplied for him.

"I didn't say that," Luke said.

"Silence speaks volumes," Jess said.

"I think you should go, and I'm saying it," Rory said. "I think you should go to that funeral, go to that will reading, and show that you're better than him, because you forgive him."

"But I don't," Jess said. "I don't think I'll ever forgive him, and I'll never know why he left me. So I'm not better than him." Jess looked down, studying his and Rory's joined hands without seeing them. "I think…I just need some time to figure out what I think."

The three merely nodded their acceptance.

**********

Rory had as good as moved in with Jess above the diner, as had Luke with Lorelai at their house. The younger pair made their way up the stairs, and got ready for bed in complete silence.

Also without saying a word, they slipped into opposite sides of the bed, meeting in the middle and curling up together. They listened to each other breathing for a long time, neither of them getting to sleep.

Finally, Rory whispered, "Jess?" hoping that he'd fallen asleep, and she just hadn't noticed. He'd looked so…lost. Her heart clutched in her chest at the memory of his eyes when he came into the diner in front of Lorelai.

Jess grunted acknowledgement of the question, but didn't answer otherwise.

"Jess," Rory repeated, louder this time. She felt him sigh against the top of her head, then shift until they could see each other in the faint light from the window.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Talk to me. Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Anything. Tell me something you remember about…"

"My father?" Rory only bit her lip nervously and nodded. "What do you want me to tell you Rory? That he used to beat me? That he neglected me? That he used to play catch with me in Central Park? He didn't do anything remarkable. He was just there. He would leave in the mornings for work, and come home at night. He'd ask me simple questions about my day, ask Liz the same questions. Then he'd watch TV until it was time to go to bed. Maybe he wasn't the best dad in the world, but he…just was, you know?"

"Why did he…?" Rory wanted to bite off her tongue. She hadn't meant to ask the question; it'd just slipped out.

"Leave?" Jess scoffed, and rolled over onto his back. Rory saw him as a near-silhouette against the brightness of the sheets in the moonlight. His head swung towards her. "I don't know. I'll never know, I guess. But he never gave any explanation. It was just…suddenly, one day he didn't come home from work. Then, a week later, all his clothes disappeared. Liz had stayed up all night to pack away his things while I wasn't awake.

"After a while, I just stopped asking her if he was coming back, because the answer was always the same, 'I don't know.' She never knew, I think. Oh, shit. I wonder if she knows." Jess' hand came up to cover his eyes. "I better call her in the morning."

"Jess…" Rory said, and laid her hand on his stomach. "I'm…I'm sorry. I don't mean to drag out all these unpleasant thoughts."

"Rory." Jess sighed her name, and put his hand over hers. "They stopped being unpleasant a long time ago. They just are. Well, except for the calling Liz part. That's not gonna be fun. But…you asked, so I told you."

"I shouldn't have asked," Rory said. She tilted herself until she lay with her head pillowed on both their hands on his stomach. She watched him, shadow against light, and sighed. "I should have waited until you wanted to tell me."

"It wouldn't have occurred to me that you would want to know," Jess told her, stroking her hair back from her eyes. "Rory, I've…never had someone who I could talk to like I can to you. Talking to you is like…therapy. It helps."

Rory smiled gently at him. "I'm glad."

Jess smiled back as she leaned up to kiss him, but he didn't mean it. His thoughts were deeply troubled. The summer was ending soon. In just a few weeks, Rory would be going to Boston for college. Away from him, Stars Hollow, her mother. It might overwhelm her at first, but he had such confidence in her that she could handle it. And he hated that she would be able to. She'd adapt to the bigger city; she'd adapt to the classes.

And the college guys. Those he could all-too-clearly see her adapting to.

And how was he going to fault them, when they became her friends, waiting for things with The Boyfriend to fizzle out, then moving in when the opportunity arose. It was what he'd done, while she'd been almost completely oblivious the whole time.

He had to go with her. But how was he going to do that? An annoying voice in his head answered practically for him: You could get a job, find an apartment. Have her move in with you.

But another voice in his head argued with it. How are you going to get there in the first place? Getting a job requires a place to live, and a place to live requires money, which you don't have! You've been working at the diner, but you've saved absolutely nothing! Way to plan ahead, Mariano.

Rory pulled away from their kiss, slowly. "Jess?" she asked, her eyes studying his face in concern, as if she heard his thoughts.

"I love you," he said. To remind her, or himself, he didn't know.

"I love you, too," she answered. They didn't talk or sleep for a long while after that.

Jess reveled in the fact that she'd chosen him, for however long that might be. She had picked him over the perfect little boy, faults and all. No prospects, and all, that practical voice in his head chimed in. He shoved it away as he began kissing his way down Rory's body.

He knew how lucky he was, to be in love with a girl, a woman, both at the same time, whatever. To love her, and know she loved him back. To know that they complemented each other, played off each other, and enjoyed each other so much. He was incredibly lucky.

But luck has a way of running out just when you want and need it most.

Jess kissed her fiercely, displaying the possessiveness he wouldn't let himself show otherwise, and entered her, felt her gripping his hands as she arched against him, opened her eyes and watched him, eyes shining with love and desire. Watched her, heard her as she moaned, "Love you," as she fell over the precipice.

He followed her, and when they'd recovered, pulled the sheets back over both of them.

Finally, he slept as she pulled her arms tight around him, watching him, wondering how he was going to handle the situation.

**********

He stared down at the phone in his hands, then to the paper where he'd written his mother's new phone numbers in Seattle. He figured she'd be at work, so he dialed her office number. As he did, Rory squeezed his free hand, offering her support silently.

"Elizabeth Danes' office, may I help you?"

"I need to speak with Liz, please," he said to who he assumed was a secretary.

"I'm sorry, she's in a meeting right now, and can only be contacted for emergencies. If you'd like I can take a message—"

He cut her off. "This is an emergency. Tell her her son needs to talk to her."

"Son?" he heard the simple shock in her voice. "But…of course. One moment, sir." She put him on hold, thankfully sans any annoying muzak.

"What does she do?" Rory whispered when it was clear Jess wasn't occupied.

Jess shrugged. "She's…it's hard to explain. A consultant-type person for…I don't know. I know she helps people with business."

"Jess?" He suddenly heard his mother's voice come on the line. "What's wrong? Naomi said something about an emergency? Has something happened to Luke?"

"Hi, mom," he said gently. "Luke's fine. But I got this phone call last night. From a lawyer's office in Denver."

He swore he heard his mother gulp over the phone line. Her voice was strained as she said shortly, "Really?"

"Yeah," he said. "They're handling a will in which I'm a benefactor." He paused significantly. "George Mariano died about three days ago. His funerals in two days in Denver."

He distantly heard the secretary's voice saying, "Lizzy? Lizzy are you all right? You've gone completely pale! Do you need some water?"

Then his mom answered, "Yes, please, Naomi."

"Mom?" Jess asked into the receiver.

"He's dead?" she said, stunned. "I mean, really, dead?"

"From what I heard, he can't get any deader," Jess joked slightly.

"Don't joke," Liz snapped. "This isn't funny. He was your father."

"He was your husband," he retaliated. "As far as I know, you never got divorced."

"True. Give me the information for the funeral," she suddenly said, sounding much more business-like.

Jess told her the time and place. "The will reading is after that," he said, adding in the lawyer's address. "If you do come…I wouldn't mind if you were there."

"I don't know, Jess," Liz said, and sighed heavily. "This is big news. I'll see what I can do."

"I just thought you should know," Jess said. "I'm sorry if I shouldn't've…"

"But you did the right thing. So…how's everything in Stars Hollow?"

He spent some more time catching up with her, enjoying talking to her. She sounded happy with what she was doing, and settling into her life there. She laughed at Luke and Lorelai's engagement: the thought of her brother marrying was a little too much for her.

"Oh, I can't wait to see him in a tux," she said mirthfully. "I hate to do this, but I've got to go. Are you…going to be all right?"

Jess squeezed Rory's hand. "Yeah. I've got all the support I need." He smiled at her, and saw her grinning back.

"Okay. I hope everything turns out…all right," she finished lamely, and Jess knew that she wouldn't be coming. And he understood, somewhat, the desire not to have to deal with it.

"Thanks, mom," Jess said softly. "I'll talk to you sometime."

"Good bye, Jess," she replied, and there was a soft click over the line.

Rory was silent for a moment after he hung up. Then she said quietly, "So you've decided to go?"

"Sure sounds that way, doesn't it?" Jess asked, then realized he had. "Yep. I guess I'm heading to Denver."

"Good. We'll have fun. I mean, aside from the whole funeral thing," Rory said.

"What?"

"I'm coming with you." She frowned at him. "Did you think I was going to let you go by yourself? That I was going to make you? Jess, I'm coming along. I'm the support, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Jess said. He raised his arm, and Rory promptly snuggled herself next to him, relieved that he wasn't protesting. They enjoyed the next few hours off from the diner immensely.

**********

Jess felt the ground falling away beneath the tires of the plane and gripped the arm rests nervously. Rory looked down at his whitened knuckles, then back up at his face. "Oh, my God, you've never flown before, have you?"

Jess scowled at her. "So what? I lived in New York all my life, then Stars Hollow. Not exactly flight-required there."

"I just…didn't expect that there was anything you'd be scared of."

"I'm not scared," he snapped.

She raised an eyebrow at him calmly. "Somebody's awfully defensive," she said teasingly. Then she relented, and put her hand over the back of his, prying his fingers up with difficulty. Then she grabbed onto his hand. "We'll be fine. This is perfect flying weather. Look." She gestured out the window beside her as the plane leveled out. "There's this cloudscape out there that's gorgeous." Jess leaned over her to look out the window; fluffy white hills as far as he could see.

Unconsciously, he relaxed against her, and she ran her fingers through his hair. "See? Not so bad."

He sat back, eyes fixed on her then lightly kissed her on the lips before settling back in his seat. "No, I guess not."

The flight went smoothly, only hitting a little turbulence over Iowa. They spent the flight talking and reading, relaxing for the stressful time ahead.

The rental car was complements of the lawyer's office, and Jess wondered if they did that for all out-of-state people. Rory could only shrug as she buckled in. "And we have a reservation at a Holiday Inn here, right?" she asked him as they negotiated their way out of Denver International Airport's parking lots.

"Right," Jess said, beginning to feel tense.

Rory flipped on the radio and began searching for a good channel. She settled on a station playing something from the early nineties, one of the more tolerable hits from that era.

"Lots of country around here," Rory said, squinting at the dial. "There must have been three country stations for every other kind."

"The Wild, Wild West," Jess drawled mockingly.

"This doesn't look like the open range to me," Rory gestured at the smoggy city.

"Nope," he said, surveying the skyline. "Looks just like home."

**********

Rory and Jess stood outside in the oppressive late-summer heat. Rory wore a black skirt she'd borrowed from her mother and a lightweight black top. Jess wore black jeans and a dark blue shirt. He looked perfectly at home in the city. She looked up at the church in front of her, people slowly filing inside. "Where do we sit?" she murmured to him as they began to make their way inside.

"I don't know," Jess murmured back. "Maybe just take a seat in the back."

Rory nodded, unwilling and unable to contradict that.

She watched the church fill slowly, sporadically. The front pew, traditionally the spot for family, wasn't filled until just before the music started. A woman sat in the pew, with a young girl, maybe three or four, in tow. The girl was quiet, almost eerily so when they passed the Connecticut pair. But she looked up, eyes latching onto Jess for the slightest moment.

Jess sat, stiff as a board against her side, staring at the coffin at the head of the aisle. Rory just held his hand, not knowing what else she could do to help comfort.

He didn't cry; he'd done all the crying he was going to on the bridge with Lorelai. In fact, he barely moved at all during the ceremony. He only stood after almost everyone else had filed through the line past the coffin. Only a few stragglers were behind them as they approached the open casket, and Jess got his first—and last—glimpse of his father in twelve years.

He stared down at his father's body for a long time. It was all Rory could do to hold back her tears as she stared into her boyfriend's closed-off expression. "What did you leave me, old man?" Jess asked the corpse quietly, so low she almost didn't catch it. "Why did you drag me back into your life when you're the one who left me willingly?"

Rory tugged at his arm as gently as she could. "Come on, Jess."

They stood back at the gravesite, watching the coffin being lowered into the ground. They were the first in their rental cars, and they drove in complete silence back towards the heart of Denver, and the lawyer's office.

An efficient-looking secretary greeted them with a cheerful smile as they entered the lobby.

"I'm here for the will reading of George Mariano," Jess said without inflection.

"So am I," someone said from behind them. They both turned to see the woman from the front pew holding the young girl. "I'll show them where it is, Marie," she added to the secretary.

Jess didn't reply, so Rory did. "Thank you. We'd really appreciate that." She smiled gently at the little girl, who waved hello.

They followed the woman wordlessly up a flight of stairs and down a winding corridor until they came to an office. The woman knocked on the door before opening it, and gestured Jess and Rory inside ahead of her. The little girl's eyes once again latched onto Jess as he walked past, and this time he noticed. Unsure how to react, he sent an odd half-smile towards her.

They entered a stereotypical law office: leather furniture, ferns sprouting out of plants, a huge oak desk situated near the far wall, and bookcases lining the wall. "Too bad those are law books," Jess murmured to Rory, who smiled slightly in response. They sat at the back of a grouping of chairs.

An older man entered and moved behind the desk, nodding greetings to most of those in the room already. There seemed to be a lot of benefactors at this reading. The woman sat in front, while the little girl played with some toys situated in the corner of the office. The toys were an interesting note: the pastels and plastics clashed horribly with the office décor.

"I'd say welcome everyone," the older man said, his voice clear and crisp, "but the occasion is not a happy one. We are all here for the reading of George Mariano's will. Anyone not here for that reason, should leave right now." Rory smiled gently in acknowledgement of the joke. The lawyer reminded her of her grandfather as he put on his glasses and opened the file in front of him. "Now, I have to make sure that everyone named in the will is present." Jess was last on the list, and caused a general murmuring in the room when the name, "Jess Mariano," was announced.

"Let's get down to it, shall we?" the lawyer asked rhetorically, sparing one hard look for Jess before turning back to the paper in front of him.

He began reading the terms of the will. "To Lana Jeffries, I leave my apartment, and a trust fund for the upkeep thereof." The woman from the front pew nodded, holding a tissue to her eyes. "To Patricia Jeffries, I leave a fund of fifty thousand dollars, to be used for college, and to become available to her when she reaches the age of eighteen." Lana gasped and looked over at her daughter, blissfully playing with a wire-and-plastic contraption, oblivious to the fact that she was now set for college. "I leave an additional fifty thousand dollars to Patricia Jeffries, to be placed in the care of her mother Lana, for her care and upbringing."

Jess sat stiffly in his chair, waiting his turn. He silently marveled at the amount of money his father had available to give away. He gave several tens of thousands to various charities, the representatives for which sat in chairs around the room. His work received money to set up a scholarship fund for any promising interns or young people on the job. And wondered about the pair of women name Jeffries.

"And finally, to my son, Jess Mariano, I leave a letter, which my lawyer will deliver, and the monetary fund of five-hundred-thirty thousand dollars."

Rory gasped, and she wasn't the only one as everyone in the room stared at the major benefactor of the will. Rory gripped his arm as she studied his face, which showed no recognition that he'd heard correctly. A moment later, he blinked several times. "What?" he demanded.

"Would you like me to re-read that last bit?" the lawyer asked, though not without sympathy, looking at Jess over the tops of his glasses.

"N-no," Jess said. "That's all right. Please, c-continue." He sat back in his chair, still blank with shock.

The rest of the will reading went by in a daze, though there wasn't much of it. Rory sat with him as everyone else filed out, save Lana, Patricia, and the lawyer.

"Mr. Mariano?" the lawyer asked, approaching. Jess could only nod in response. "And you are?" He turned to Rory.

"Rory Gilmore," she said, and reached out to shake his hand. "I'm his girlfriend."

The lawyer smiled at her gently. "Mr. Mariano, here is the letter your father mentioned in his will." Lana cleared her throat from behind him, and he smiled at her gently. "Take your time." With that, he left the room.

Lana walked over and turned a chair to face them. Rory finally got to study her up close. She was very pretty, with light blonde hair cut short to her chin, striking green eyes, and a fox-like face. Her daughter looked very much like her, but had a softer face due to youth.

"So," Lana said quietly. "You're his son. The only picture he has of you, you're about six. I had no idea you were this old."

"He has a picture of me?" Jess asked.

Lana nodded solemnly, but there was a tiny smile in place. "He keeps a copy on his desk, and one on his refrigerator."

Jess nodded at Patricia, who was trying to climb into her mother's lap. "Is she…my sister?"

"By blood, no," Lana said. "By spirit, yes. You see, your father and my late husband were best friends and business partners. Most wouldn't be able to make that work, but they did. They were very successful after struggling for a few years. Your father was a very rich man."

"Isn't that interesting?" Jess muttered. He didn't know whether he was bitter or just shocked. As far as he knew, his mother had never received any money from his father after he'd left.

"After my husband died, your father began taking care of us." Lana smiled down at her daughter, who looked as if she were falling asleep. "I have a job, but it's not very good. It's fulfilling, I enjoy it, but it wouldn't pay the rent. Your father let us move in with him. And he became very fond of Patty. He became like a father to her."

"Were you two…" Jess trailed off, unsure whether to finish his question.

Lana shook her head, understanding and not taking offense. "No. It was never like that between us. We were friends while my husband was alive, and we remained friends even after we became roommates. He'd watch Patty if I had to work at night." Lana bit her lip, which had begun to tremble. "Pardon me," she said, and took a deep breath. "I just am so grateful for what he's done." She stopped, controlling her sobs. "I owe him my sanity after Walter died. If it hadn't been for him, I would have gone insane making the funeral arrangements, and everything that needed to be done."

Jess looked up at the ceiling for a long moment before saying, "Well, I'm glad there was someone he could be there for." Rory closed her eyes at his biting tone, but didn't protest.

Neither did Lana. "It took a while, but he told me what he'd done. He figures that's why he latched on to Patty and I; he was trying to make up for what he'd done to you and your mother." She sighed. "I don't expect he thought any of this would make up for it, either. But it's the best he can do."

"Yeah. I bet. Well, thanks for clearing that up," Jess said bitterly. "It really helps to have a clear picture of my father for the first time in twelve years."

Lana didn't look offended. "I'm sorry he failed you. But please try to take comfort in the fact that he didn't fail us. Take the money he's left you as the peace offering it was meant. I'm not saying you should forgive him. But try to understand."

She stood, and propped Patty on her hip. "It was nice meeting you. I'm sorry it wasn't under less tragic circumstances." They left.

Jess stared at the envelope in his hands as if he didn't know where it came from, or what it could contain. In fact, he didn't know what it could contain.

"The only way you'll find out what it says is if you open it," Rory said quietly. "You don't have X-ray vision, and can't read it inside the envelope."

"How do I know I want to read it?" he asked. "Why can't I just take the money and run, and fuck him?" The way he said it, completely dead voiced left Rory cold. "He left me, Rory." Jess looked at her for the first time. "No explanation, nothing to explain what I'd done to make him leave. How horrible must I have been?"

"Jess," Rory said sharply. "It obviously wasn't your fault."

"He had love to give," Jess said. "He just couldn't give it to me. It has to be my fault. What other explanation is there?"

"You listen to me, Jess Mariano," Rory said sternly. "There is nothing wrong with you that a few smacks to the head wouldn't fix. You are an incredible man. Intelligent, resourceful, funny, kind, and caring. Anyone who can't see that is a fool. And if you were so horrible, why did he take a picture of you with him? Why did he have a picture at work, where he would look at it every single day?"

Jess sighed and looked away from her angry glare. "I don't know. To remind him why he left."

Rory did something she never thought she'd do. She reached up and slapped him hard on the back of the head. He ducked his head before looking up at her with an incredulous expression on his face. She looked in shock down at her own hand, but was determined to make him see. "If you say one more word about causing him to leave, I'll do that again. It's not your fault: you didn't make him leave, and you didn't drive him away. Now stop being stupid and start being that stubborn smart man I fell in love with, and open that damn letter!"

Jess' mouth twitched up at the corners, his first real smile in several days. He leaned forward and kissed Rory gently, his scalp still stinging a little. "I knew I loved you for a reason," he said as he pulled away slightly. "Thanks for knocking some sense into me, Gilmore."

"Any time," Rory said. "And I mean that literally."

Jess ripped open the envelope, and stared down at the page of hand-written words.

Dear Jess,

I don't really know where to begin. If you're getting this letter, I died before I could get the balls to contact you or your mother, and I apologize for lacking that courage. I want to start by saying it wasn't your fault, or your mother's fault that I left. I honestly don't know why I left. It all became too much for me, and I had to leave. My own expectations were stifling me. It's so hard to articulate in words, but I've got to try. My head was causing me to see things that weren't there, to feel pressures that didn't actually exist. So I ran. Not your fault, or Liz's.

I took a picture of you with me. I keep it where I can see it most of the time. I know you undoubtedly don't look like that any more. In fact, at the time I'm writing this you're already eighteen, an adult. Definitely too old to still be my little boy. But you'll forever be my little boy, and it's my fault. I hope I'll get the courage to contact you someday.

I updated my will when Lana and little Patty moved in. I still love your mother, Jess. Lana was never for me. Her heart belonged to Walter. He was my best friend, the one who helped me start my business. In case you were wondering, my company is one of the largest plastics companies in the world. I amassed quite a fortune after I came here, and I owe most of that to Walter. So, I was trying to pay him back for everything he's done for me by helping his wife and daughter. Knowing Lana, she's probably introduced herself already.

But in trying to pay Walter back after his death, I find that I've actually helped someone. And I like that feeling. At the same time, it makes the weight on my chest unbearable because of what I failed to give you. And for that, there's no saying I'm sorry, or asking for forgiveness. But I hope you can give it anyway.

The money I've left you is to be used to help one of your dreams come true. No matter what it is, I want you to go for what you've always wanted. Take a trip to someplace you've never been. Start a business. Or paint, or sculpt. But do whatever makes you happy. I hope you accept what I'm trying to give you.

George Mariano

P.S. For whatever it's worth…I'm sorry.

Jess let the letter fall into his lap. Make his dream come true? He didn't know what his dream was. But now, maybe he'd have to opportunity to find out. In Boston. He smiled. "Come on," he said, abruptly standing from his chair, startling Rory. "Let's go out to dinner."

"Oh," Rory said, a puzzled but happy frown in place. "Okay."

"And let's talk about something other than this tonight," Jess added, and stuffed the now-folded letter into his pocket.

**********

Author's Note 2: Please review. I apologize that I don't know when Jess' dad left, and am therefore inconsistent. In Off the Bus, his dad has only been gone for a few years. But in here, he left when Jess was six or seven. Sorry for the inconsistency, but it worked for this story, and the other one worked for Off the Bus.

On the other hand, I dare people to try and guess what Jess is going to do, 'cause I've already got it mapped out in my head. But I'd like to hear other's takes on what he should do. And one more time…please *please* review if you read this and liked it. Greatly appreciated. Thank you.