Alex weaved in and out of the downtown traffic until she reached the location Cody called out to her on her ear mic. She picked Shay's Celica out amongst the row of vehicles that lined the city street and waited patiently until she spied the woman in question leaving an old, architecturally esthetic building less than a block from her vehicle.
Alex waited until Shay pulled out into traffic before approaching the building. Large signs announcing to the world what was contained within its walls did not mar the beauty of the building. Only when she climbed the large steps to the darkened glass door did she find out what the building housed. Shaking her head, she turned away and headed back for the nest. Shay had a lot of explaining to do.
--
By the time Alex returned to the nest, Cody had gone to the airport to pick up Thomas and the Donovan children. Frankie and Jake had not made it back from their meeting with the informant and Frank was across town at the department's budget meeting. It was just her and Shay, who was busying herself going through the background files on the suspects they had not yet eliminated.
Shay looked up to find Alex staring intently at her as if trying to read her mind. "What's up, Alex?"
"You tell me, Shay. Why all the lies, the secrecy?" Alex demanded as she pulled up a chair opposite her.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Shay replied and turned her attention back to the file. How dare Alex question her like she was a common criminal?
Neither woman heard the door to the nest opening. Neither knew that Frank, Jake and Frankie had entered the nest in time to hear Alex questioning Shay and waited in the wings to hear Shay's explanations for Alex's accusations.
"Don't pull that, Shay. How's your father? Did he arrive all right at the airport?" Alex asked harshly. "Oh, that's right. He called while you were gone earlier. Cody's picking him up as we speak."
"Shit." Shay closed the file slowly and looked up at Alex. "Alex...I...just..."
Frank tensed and clutched the doorframe so tightly his knuckles turned white. Come on, baby. Just tell her what you've been up to.
"Just what, Shay? Can't deal with something to the point that you'll hide it from your family and friends?" Alex stood up quickly and the chair toppled over behind her. "Damn, girl. Your mysterious disappearance had me believing you were the hitter."
Shay's jaw dropped in disbelief. "Oh, Alex...how could you!" She stood and moved around the table to face the other woman. "This may sound like something out of a romance novel, but Frank is the last man on earth I would hurt. He's my life. The air I breathe. My sun, my moon, my heaven. I can promise you this...if something happens to that man...I don't know how I'll survive."
Alex nodded as she placed a gentle hand on Shay's shoulder. "You have every reason to hate me, but I had to find out, Shay. I had to follow every lead."
Shaking her head, Shay replied, "I understand you were only doing what you had to do. Your ultimate goal is to protect Frank and I can find no fault in that. I would have done the same thing in your shoes."
"Then if you can forgive me for that, I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to say," Alex said, moving away from Shay just to be safe.
"I'm listening," she responded.
Jake glanced over at Frank whose jaw was torqued so tight you could see the vein at the side of his jaw jump. All knew eavesdropping was wrong, but if Shay was about to spill what was going on in her life, they were not about to interrupt.
"I know where you've been going...I followed you today." Alex watched as Shay's shoulders slumped and a hand flew to her mouth to cover the sob that threatened.
"Alex..."
"Tell them...tell him. He deserves to know what's going on with you," Alex insisted softly.
"It's just too...difficult. It's easier to tell a stranger."
Frank could not stand it any longer. He heard the heartache in her voice and it ripped his control to shreds. If he was the cause of her pain, he needed to know. He had to make it right. "What's easier to tell a stranger, Ash?" He whispered when he stood directly behind her.
Shay spun, her eyes wide with surprise. She looked wildly from him to Alex and then spied Jake and Frankie in the doorway. She shook her head, unable to speak. She backed away slowly until she found the doorway to the break room. She slid inside and bolted the door closed.
"What the?" Frankie said entering the room further.
"Where did she go today, Alex," Frank demanded.
Alex's eyes slid closed for a moment before meeting his. "The Rebecca Leary Center," she whispered.
Frank and Jake exchanged clueless glances while Frankie released a perceptive gasp. "What?" Frank and Jake asked in unison.
"Women's Crisis Center," Frankie informed and headed to the break room and softly tapped on the door. "Let me in, sis. It's okay....it's just me." She was relieved when she heard the bolt slide open and the door opened slightly.
"Hey, girlfriend. Wanna tell 'ol Frankie what the hell is going on? Oof.."
Shay threw her arms around Frankie as the flood of tears hit. "I'm sorry," she said between sobs.
"Darlin...what's going on?" she asked softly. She pulled a chair out with her foot and helped Shay into it before pulling up another chair for herself.
"Too many times I found myself looking in the mirror...wishing the ugliness would go away. Wishing I could disappear...fade away." Shay took the tissue Frankie handed her and wiped the tears away. "But I can't. I would be standing there thinking these thoughts and hear one of the kid's laughter and cries and the ugliness would disappear for awhile."
"Yeah," Frankie whispered. There were dark areas in her life, too. She had an idea where Shay's head was. "And Frank?"
"Oh no...Frank...Frank makes it all go away. When he's near, I'm the way I know I want to be. When he's away...it creeps back in. I try not to let it...but I can't just ignore it anymore. I did...for years. Ignoring it didn't make it better."
"Darlin'...why are you hiding this? Do you think Frank would have a problem with your seeking help?"
"Can he understand? My past keeps coming back to haunt me, whether I'm asleep or awake. I have to learn to deal with the things I did..."
The door opened quietly and Frank entered uninvited. He had heard the last part of their conversation as he neared the door. He tapped Frankie on the shoulder and nodded toward the door asking her to leave. He was grateful when she rose and left the room, giving him a chance to talk to his wife alone.
"Frank..." Shay whispered before hiding her face in her hands.
Frank knelt before her and gently pried her hands away. "Ashling...never doubt that I will be there for you. No matter what you need. It hurts to think you felt you had to go behind my back to seek the help you need."
"I'm sorry..." she cried when his arms came around her protectively. "We've just been over this so many times. I didn't want it to become a constant irritation between us." His touch was always as much a comfort as it could be blissful and she leaned into it gratefully.
"I can't pretend to know what you're going through," he whispered and rested his cheek against her head as it lay on his shoulder. "You've been through some rough patches, Ash. You've been in situations no one should be in."
"The worst thing, Frank...the worst thing..." she whispered against his neck and clutched him to her fiercely.
"What, baby?"
"That it was part of my job..."
He rocked her softly as she sobbed quietly in his arms and silently cursed the government that exploited her. And he cursed himself ... did he not put Alex into those same situations? He hated those that turned his wife's world upside down...and he hated himself because he was one of those people.
"Ash...be honest with me. Do you ever hate me because of who I am...what I stand for? Do you ever fear me...my touch?"
"Your position, what you can order someone to do...yes, it scares the hell out of me. Hate you? No. Maybe I would if you weren't who you are to me. But I've seen your ups and downs; I've seen how it tears at you when you send your people into danger. You may think you're a monster, but I know better. I've never met a more honorable man than you, Mr. Donovan."
He stroked her back softly and pressed tiny kisses to her hair as she talked. "And me...darling, do you fear me?"
Shay released a soft sigh. "Haven't since the moment I laid eyes on you, Tiger. You...your touch...releases me. When I'm with you, I'm complete. It's only when I'm alone that I can't stand the sight of myself."
"Here's the bottom line..." he began as Shay lifted her head from his shoulder to see his face clearly. "You'll get the help you need..."
"It's not just that...yes, I have gone and do go for therapy. But I also volunteer as a councilor," she admitted.
"You do?"
Shay nodded. "It helps. Helping others cope and deal with their situations has helped me...more than I can say. I hope you'll let me continue..."
"Baby...when have I ever refused you?" He chuckled when Shay smiled.
"Not too long ago, if I recall," she replied with a small grin.
"I never," he insisted.
"Yes, you did. But...as long as you carry and give birth to the next few Donovans...I'm cool with it."
Frank laughed and kissed her closed eyelids. "I'm glad this is out in the open..."
Shay's eyes flew open when she remembered that Alex had suspected her of being the hitter. "Frank Donovan! You DID NOT believe I tried to kill you!"
"Not for an instant," he responded. He ran a gentle finger across her cheek before following it with soft kisses.
"I love you," she whispered.
"Ashling...I love you. I hate that you're hurting and that I can't fix it for you. But I'll support anything it takes to make you happy. Are we clear on that?"
"Crystal, Tiger," she smiled and touched her forehead to his.
"Ready to catch a killer?" He asked as he stood and helped her to her feet.
"No one hurts my man," she stated emphatically.
If she did not appear to be so serious he might have laughed. But in the face of her own torment, she was ready to do battle for him. She had a wealth of strength she was not fully aware of. In time, she would learn to deal with her troubles and he would be there to support her. In the meantime, someone was out to kill him. Under orders no less.
Frankie and Jake had left their meeting with Kip with an address to check out. The hitter's possible location. It was time the hunted became the hunter.
--
"Everything okay?" Jake asked when Frank and Shay emerged from the break room; their arms securely wrapped around each other waists.
"Fine, Jake. Things will be just fine," Shay assured and felt a gentle squeeze at her hip before Frank broke away and gathered everyone around the table in the briefing room to get the scoop from Frankie and Jake.
************
to be continued... had y'all goin' for a bit didn't I? C'mon...you REALLY thought it was Shay didn't you? ~wink~ --Dreamy