I went to ma's bar to talk. After leaving Faith's, I had a lot on my mind.
A lot of things I needed to say. I think I surprised Faith when I showed up
at her door. After all that'd happened, she probably didn't think I wanted
to talk to her. Hell, for a while there she was right. Why waste my time
talking my partner anyway. Especially since she was the one who thought I
needed to be talking to a shrink.
Apparently I wasn't the only one who'd been talking. Looking back, I realize that ma and I never did talk about 9/11. It was just one subject we didn't discuss. What was the point? I'm a cop. Ma hates me being a cop. She's worried that I'm going to get killed on my job; that she'll outlive me. September 11th, a lot of people died. A lot of firefighters...and a lot of cops. I wasn't one of them...something I still don't understand. A lot of those cops and firefighters had families; people waiting for them at home. Me, I got nobody. Nobody's waiting for me to come home at night.
Not to say that nobody cares about me. Some people do, like ma and Faith. Those two got a lot in common. No matter how much I piss 'em off, they're still there. Not everyone's like that. Some people I've pissed off enough that they'd just assume never see my face again. But one person surprised me.
On September 11th, when the towers collapsed, ma was sitting in front of the TV watching it all. Watching it and worrying. Worrying that I wasn't going to be coming home that night. That night, I was a cop, a New York City cop, and I had a job to do.
But she hadn't been the only one worrying about me. While I was out there being a NYC cop, someone else was sitting with my ma. That someone else lives on the other side of the door I'm standing in front of.
tbc
Apparently I wasn't the only one who'd been talking. Looking back, I realize that ma and I never did talk about 9/11. It was just one subject we didn't discuss. What was the point? I'm a cop. Ma hates me being a cop. She's worried that I'm going to get killed on my job; that she'll outlive me. September 11th, a lot of people died. A lot of firefighters...and a lot of cops. I wasn't one of them...something I still don't understand. A lot of those cops and firefighters had families; people waiting for them at home. Me, I got nobody. Nobody's waiting for me to come home at night.
Not to say that nobody cares about me. Some people do, like ma and Faith. Those two got a lot in common. No matter how much I piss 'em off, they're still there. Not everyone's like that. Some people I've pissed off enough that they'd just assume never see my face again. But one person surprised me.
On September 11th, when the towers collapsed, ma was sitting in front of the TV watching it all. Watching it and worrying. Worrying that I wasn't going to be coming home that night. That night, I was a cop, a New York City cop, and I had a job to do.
But she hadn't been the only one worrying about me. While I was out there being a NYC cop, someone else was sitting with my ma. That someone else lives on the other side of the door I'm standing in front of.
tbc