Author: Robin G.
Author Email: magicwings77@yahoo.com
Pairing Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood
Rating: R, NC-17, Slash/Yaoi
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters, I do own the made up charas, but I don't care if you use them or anything. J.K. Rowling has all ownership of HP!!
Summary: Percy and Oliver have to first realize each others love and then act on there own.
Feedback: Always welcome!!
Archive: FFnet, your welcome to put it on you site, just maybe tell me about it first, so I don't get an anoyomus email telling me they read it on such-and-suches site and I don't have a clue about what there taking about. ;)
Authors Note: This would be slash (m/m relationship) and if you don't like it, then please hit the back button and continue on your way!
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Dear Journal,
I feel stupid writing this. Or, for that matter, even having this book in my possession. I don't want to think about what 'could' happen if this got out. But...I need to talk to someone well at least someone else besides him. Because of how the way he always makes me feel when he's around me. I feel like a little kid, writing to you likes this. Good Gawwd!! Where 'is' my brain? Well, how about I tell you why I'm writing this. Fred and George said maybe I should write in a 'diary'. They were making cracks at me again. And I thought I ought to try it. Well... not the diary part, Journal sounds a better, I think. Right, anyway, I have to tell someone even if it is just this stupid peace of parchment.
I'm in love, (I know that was rather blunt.) with the most wonderful person. Now don't gag when I tell you who it is. Promise? Stupid of me, well he (yes he) is the one of the best Quidditch keepers I have ever seen. He's also the captain of our house team. He is completely obsessed with the game. I can't blame him; it is exciting, even watching them fly around. (Maybe that's just because he's out they're playing) He tells me about how we're going to win the Cup this year. Our last year... it's hard to think that it's been seven years. After this year, I'm afraid that I'll never see him again.
He's my best friend, rather my only friend, I'm sure we'll keep in touch now and again. He's told me about possibly being signed with a few Quidditch teams after we graduate. He says he's been offered a position with the Puddlemere United reserve team. I'm happy for him. I'll probably find work at the Ministry and never see him again.
I've never told him my feelings, of course. He's my only friend. He understands me and I'm afraid that if I tell him, he'll be horrified or be scared of me. Tell me I'm a pervert and never speak to me again. But then again, after this year, I won't see him again anyway. Maybe on the last day, or before that, I'll tell him. Then I'll be able to enjoy the friendship we share and it'll last up until that day. And I think I could survive just knowing that I tried. And I won't spoil the last year of our friendship.
I'll never forget the way he makes me feel. I relax only in his presence. He makes me feel giddy. (Giddy? Lord… I'm losing it) I sometimes want to jump for joy just because he's my friend. I trust him with my heart. He once told me that he trusted me and that I am his only real friend, his best friend. It made me extremely happy and I still am. I told him that he was my only friend and I trusted him, too. He is my best friend and I'll cherish that for the rest of my life. He doesn't seem to treat me like everyone else does. He treats me like the friend he is, not like someone to be afraid of. He's not afraid, he doesn't walk on eggshells around me, afraid that if he does anything given me the opportunity, I'll give he detention and take points away. But I'm not like that, inside, at all. I suppose I do it to protect myself. I'll admit it, I am afraid to love someone, even him. He's never hinted that he 'loved' me. But being friends is just enough. Isn't it? Can I live with just being his friend? I desperately want to know if he loves me back. I want to know if he cares about me that much.
He's never really had a girlfriend. I asked him about it once. He said that he'd never found the right person. That he would know who he wanted to be with the rest of his life, before he started to date. I asked him how he would know whom he wanted to be with. I hoped that he'd give me a sign, anything to know that I could be anything more than a friend. He had just shaken his head and said that it would just come to him or hit him smack in the face. Then he dropped the subject and we had continued writing our essays.
At night sometimes I wait for everyone to fall asleep. And I creep out of bed and over to his bed. He doesn't usually close the curtains, preferring the sun to wake him so he can get a few minutes of broom practice before he hits the schoolbooks. So I walk over to him. His eyes closed his mouth slightly open as he breathes his life. He looks like a child, so innocent, needing to be loved. And I know that sounds corny, but its the truth! I wish he would let me love him. Sometimes I dare myself and I lightly brush my lips against his. He feels so soft and warm. I want more, but I know it's not possible. He murmurs in he sleep, something about perfect? Brown locks of hair fall across his forehead as he moves. I brush away the strands. He murmurs again about something not understandable. I sigh to my self and watch him a few more minutes and then walk back to my own cold bed and think to my self how warm his must be. I think about how nice it would be to put my arms around him and just hug him close to me and not have to worry about anything.
I found out the most interesting thing the other day. I figured out what he smells like. It had me stumped for quite awhile. He smells like an assortment of spices. Sage is one off the top of my head. He also smells like dew on the morning grass. I suppose it comes from the frequent morning flying practice. We usually work on homework together and are one of the excuses I use to sit and sneak peeks at him and just inhale the scent of him. It makes me want to know what he tastes like. What flavor his skin and kisses are. I think he might taste like chocolate. He seems to like Chocolate Frogs a lot. But his scent never ceases to relax and comfort me.
It's no secret that Penny is my girlfriend. But I don't love her the way I do this man. We do kiss, but it's like kissing my sister Ginny! I don't feel the spark of life, I do when I brush my lips against his at night, with out him knowing.
I think of Penny as more of an older sister. I've never really related to any girls with the exception of Ginny, because she never was 'grown up' when I was at home. Don't get me wrong. I love my sister, just like my brothers (regretfully) and Mum and Dad. But everyone expects the best from me, because of Bill and Charlie. Fred and George are on the Quidditch team, probably the best beaters we've had in a long time. Nobody expects Head Boy, Percy Weasley, to break rules, to be gay. I don't really like that word. It sounds awful and mean, something to spit at. I don't like to think of my self in that way. I've tried many times to try to tell Penny that I would just like to be friends and I'd like to think of her as a sister; But I'm afraid she'll be crushed. I'll have to tell her eventually.
We do spend a lot of time together, him and I. I sometimes wake up early, with the sun and him though he doesn't know and I watch him dress and he leaves for the Quidditch pitch. I dress quickly and fallow. He has never caught on to my sneaking around. He enters the Quidditch pitch and I quietly sneak up to the bleachers, I sit in the corner of stands and just watch him fly around the stadium. He always looks so happy, flying, it must be fun to fly, to lose all your thoughts and just fly. It's as close as you could probably get to being free. His face lights up with joy as he flies around. He is magnificent, his lean torso, muscular arms and legs. He swerves in-between his goals and then off to the other side to do the same. Sometimes I wish I was daring enough to take one of Fred or George's' brooms and fly with him. Just to know what it feels like to be free. To not think about anything at all. Not what people would expect, form me, if they found out, what people would people think of me.
Did you know? After Fred and George had gotten tired of teasing me, George told me something, when no one was around. You wouldn't believe what he said. I don't know if I should take him seriously. But he seemed to mean it; he did indeed seem to mean every word. He told me that he thought I was just the right person for Oliver. I was shocked. Did he know? 'How' did he know? How would he know anything about Oliver? My heart flew a million miles an hour. I suddenly had a nervous feeling in my stomach, like a dozen snitches were fluttering around in my stomach. George told me that he was lonely just like me. Then he winked and disappeared after Fred. He never brought the subject up again. Thankfully. And it didn't look like he had told anyone else. I presumed Fred knew also. I'm not sure if I should believe him, but this time he seemed so truthful.
I think I should trust him, just this once. I'm beside myself with happiness. Just the thought that someone else thinks I'm right for him, someone else knows and I didn't have to tell him. But, then again, 'how' had they known? Am I really that easy to read? Is it that obvious that I love him? I'm not sure. It's so confusing. I want to tell him, but the fear of being rejected is so great, I don't know if I could handle it. To be rejected would be pure torture for me. But... it's so hard... Does everyone have this much trouble with love?
I shall tell him, I think. When we graduate. I shall work on building up my courage and I will tell him.
I will tell Oliver Wood that I love him. And I will live, whatever
his response. To that, I believe, I shall end this.
~ Perceval A. Weasley