Author: Robin G.
Author Email: magicwings77@yahoo.com
Pairing Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood
Rating: R, NC-17, Slash/Yaoi
Disclaimer: See Entry 1
Summary: Percy and Oliver have to first realize each others love and then act on there own.
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Dear Mum,
I want to confess something mum. Its semi important, and I know, you can't give me any advice, because your… well… up there in heaven. But please listen to me anyway even though I know you always do. I don't know why I haven't told you this from the start, but I just wasn't sure if I could… if I really did feel this way. Silly of me really, I mean I've been nothing but stupid to know that I have this 'thing' for him all year and last year, and the year before that. *sigh* I'm hopeless! I fantasize over him and he would probably be disgusted with the very thought!! I mean he was a prefect and now he's Head Boy, (or Big Head Boy as Fred and George affectionately call him).
I agree with Fred and George that the boy is perfect. Perfect Percy, nothing more and nothing less. I mean how can he be less than perfect. I know that he would never think of me in the way I wish because he 'is' perfect. I'm mean seriously; he's been going out with Clearwater for crying out loud!!! How much more proof do you need, because if that doesn't have 'straight' written all over it, I don't know what does. I haven't told you yet and up till now I've only really gotten the courage to tell you this and if its taken me this long to 'write' it. I'm sure as hell going to have a hard time telling him about the non-strait issue but telling him I've been in love with him for seven years? Though I probably should tell, what do you think mum?
Did you know? I did slip once. I was in the Quidditch team locker room and I had a picture of Percy there. I had just gotten it before the game and I hadn't had time to put it away. It had fallen down to the ground. Fred had seen it and before I got to it, he did. He looked at it and he seemed a little surprised. I thought he'd freak out, for sure, and yell at the top of his lungs. But he didn't. He just looked at me, smiled and you wouldn't believe what he told me. He told me I should hurry up and tell him. I just looked at him. I was so shocked. George came around from behind him. He looked at the picture and just like his brother said I ought to hurry because I only had one more year left before we would be scattered across the earth. I was totally and utterly shocked!
When I finally found my voice I had stuttered, "What?… Hurry with what? But they just smiled and Fred handed the picture back and he said, I think you know what we mean. With that they finished dressing and left for the common room were they would be celebrating over our victory. I stared after them. I finally drew my eyes away from the door and looked down at the picture. Percy smiled up at me waving. I had smiled slightly and waved back. Later I carried him up to the common room. I had made it though the party and I put the smiling god in my dresser were I'd be able to see him every morning.
I thought to myself then. How had they found out? Was I really that easy to read. I wasn't really open with anyone. The only person I really told anything to was Percy. Then a sudden fear hit me, what if they told Percy? But I re-thought it, they had told 'me' to tell Percy. But how 'would' he tell Percy? Percy is my best friend. I can't tell Percy. Because… Percy has a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that I don't have a chance with him. And I dought I ever will have a chance with the red head. If Percy knew… if Percy ever knew that Oliver Wood, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, was in love with him! I figured Percy would look at me in disgust and would no dought call me some kind of ugly word. A few words float to the top of my mind. Prick, Pervert could just be a few.
He did ask me once, if I had a girlfriend. I told him I just hadn't found the right person. My mind was screaming 'THAT'S NOT TRUE!! I HAVE!! ITS YOU!!' I also told him that I would just know, and it would just come to me and I don't have to look. It would hit me right in the face. But secretly I knew that it already had. But I had ignored that voice and we had continued with our homework.
A lot of the time I have these dreams. I dream that I'm holding him, that he kisses me softly and he tells me that he loves me. I tell him that I love him too. They all seem so real… so perfect… so surreal. The dreams are so innocent and peaceful. I wish desperately to never wake up, when that's the case. To just sleep and dream of the perfect boy, to sleep forever with Percy in my arms. But that dream has yet to come true, if will ever come true… I tell myself that when the sun wakes me. When I wake. I quickly dress and quietly not to wake him or the others in the dorm and I sneak out to the Quidditch pitch.
Quidditch has taken over my life, now. I use it as a distraction. I concentrate so hard on Quidditch, because the head boy is always in my head, during the day. I spent a whole summer planning strategies to keep my mind off of him. Quidditch keeps me sain! I suppose maybe I should concentrate more on schoolwork than on Quidditch or 'him'. But I do have good marks, surprisingly enough.
I always go to the Quidditch pitch in the morning, to settle my mind and focus. I fly as fast as I can. I'm so enraged, that I'm thinking this way. That I always think about him that way. I just get so mad!! That I can't… no… afraid to tell him. I hurl the Quaffle so hard that it hurts my arm and then I speed after it, trying to release all the built up tension, so I 'can' concentrate on school. That's why I'm here isn't it?
Sometimes I find my-self thinking of him so much it hurts. I'm surprised he hasn't figured anything out yet. That his best friend is in love with him, that all I really want is for him to kiss me senseless or to kiss him senseless. Love is so confusing. Does everyone have this kind of problem that I do? I wish I had all the answers to this. Do I tell him? Do I risk the fact that we are friends? But I ache for his arms, his kisses. I want to know what he tastes like.
I've figured out what he smells like. It took me the better half of a year to figure it out. He has a soft aroma of vanilla, strawberries and rainwater. I surprised my-self at that point. That's when I really realized I had a problem, that I was really 'in love' with Percy Weasley.
I can't imagine what Da will think? He will most likely have a heat attack, am I right mum. I've figured out what I will say to Da, when I come out of the closet, I will just have to tell him that Alex is his only hope for making him the granddad he wants to be. He 'is' married though. Sorry, mum. That must be a little shock for you, Da remarried; sadly, he couldn't live his life alone. He still loves you mum, he always will, I know. Da can get his grandchildren form Alex and his Quidditch dream from me. Sorry Da but I can't do both. I wasn't really homosexual to start with. Actually I didn't know I was. I always thought that girls were very pretty especially Angelina Johnson, Katie Bell and Alicia Spinnet. They wouldn't be to bad a choice either, they all love Quidditch. But I just think they deserve better than me. I'm in love anyway.
My heart has already been taken.
That's the other thing. If I did tell Percy and he didn't feel the same. He would walk away and take my heart with him. I don't think I could really love anyone else but Percy. Percy is so gentle, though he is very strict. I don't think he really is strict inside. He is very kind and receiving when he's around me. I think he uses the non-rule breaker reputation as a wall. I really think he's hiding something. He looks so sad and depressed sometimes. For example when I sneak peeks of him, when we study together, or in class. His eyes become a deep blue when he's sad. Its like he wants something and is afraid to have it. I always want to wrap him in a huge hug and tell him that everything will be all right and that I'm here and I won't let anything happen to him. I want to tell him he's safe with me in my arms and only my arms. I want to tell him that he can trust in my love and that there is nothing to fear because I am here for him. He looks so innocent and vulnerable and I ache all over just to hold him with all my might.
Sometimes I wake extra early in the morning before the sun even shows its rays and I walk over to his bed to watch him sleep. He looks so innocent and so vulnerable when he sleeps. I want desperately to protect him from any danger. I look at him without those glasses that I know he hides behind. And I look at his rumpled hair and I think it would look a bit better if it wasn't so neat, but that's Percy. The glasses… the hair… the attitude… it just plainly Percy. I accept that, because that's who he is.
Percy always has a reputation to keep up with to be just as good as his brothers. Because if he doesn't people will think lower of him. That he's the dud in the family. He told me something like that once. I don't think he meant to either it just kind of came out. But even though he has succeeded and people don't think of him as the dud. But it doesn't really matter because they did it first. Though he knows Ron has a harder time. He's the last and they have already done it all. He dose care for his family weather they know it or not. Percy is very kind and has a kind heart. That was probably the thing that drew Percy to me. Either that or that the boy didn't really have any real friends. Because everyone thought he was so bossy. But I knew back then, first year, it was just a front.
Though I know, this love could either help of destroy our friendship. I think I should tell Percy about my heart. I know about all the chances, that he has Penelope. But I think I must tell him. I think I must tell him and get it off my chest. Its been bugging me for a long, long time.
So in a leaving statement mum, I shall tell Percy Weasley that I have and will always love him.
I think it would be wise to wish me luck mum. Good-bye for now mum,
I love you.
~O.T. Wood