Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.
Thank you and please enjoy the story.
Tenchi meets The Joker
by Weirdbard
Chapter 4. Harley makes some new friends.
Ayeka and Mihoshi had just finished putting the last touches on the new wall panel that they had put into place. Once again the house showed no signs of the morning's previous heated battle between Ryoko and Ayeka.
"Whew! Done. What should we do now?" Mihoshi said wiping a bead of sweat off her forehead with her arm.
"Well since this is Saturday, none of our soaps will be on today." Ayeka said in a slightly disappointed voice. She started to say something else but stopped when she saw the door to Washu's lab open and Tenchi and Harley walked out.
"Miss Ayeka? Would you keep Harley company for a while? I really have to get back to my chores now. And Washu and Joker will be busy in her lab for a while." Tenchi asked.
Ayeka wasn't thrilled with being asked to baby-sit yet another female visitor to Tenchi's home but she was a princess so she handled it gracefully manner.
"Why of course Lord Tenchi I would be happy to keep her company." Ayeka's smile faded away as soon as Tenchi left the house however.
Harley nervously shifted her weight from one foot to another as she waited for the woman in the elaborate gown to say something to her. It was Mihoshi who spoke first however.
"I know what we can do! Let's go take a bath!"
"A bath? Together?" Harley asked surprised.
Ayeka just look down her nose at Harley as if she had asked a incredibly dumb question.
"Yes. It is the custom in this land for people to bathe together." Mihoshi explained to her.
"Men and women?" Harley asked feeling like she was unschooled bumpkin. A feeling that wasn't helped by the condescending look on Ayeka's face towards her.
"No." Mihoshi giggled. "The men have their own bathroom and we girls have a bathhouse built for us by Washu. Come on you'll love it!"
Suddenly a woman with spiky blueish hair appeared out of nowhere beside Harley. "A bath? Sounds great!" Ryoko replied.
"And why would you need to take a bath? You haven't done any work today!" Ayeka said pointing her nose in the air in Ryoko's direction.
The two women started arguing loudly at each other leaving a dumb founded Harley to stand there looking first at one of them and then at the other.
Mihoshi stepped up beside her. "Don't pay any attention to those two. They are always arguing."
Ryoko distracted from her fight with Ayeka glanced over at Harley and then frowning she asked. "Who is this?"
Mihoshi looked up. "Oh this is Harley Quinn. Harley this is Ryoko the Space Pirate."
"Space pirate?!" Harley asked with a squeak.
"Sure. I'll explain it all in the bath." Mihoshi said and grabbing Harley by the hand started to lead her off, rapidly chatting all the while. Ayeka and Ryoko watched them for a moment and then shrugging they started to follow.
"So you see that is how we all came to be here at Tenchi's house." Mihoshi finally finished as they walked though another strange door in the house and ended up in the bathhouse.
Poor Harley's mind was in a whirl. Not only from the fantastic tale of how all the women had ended up in this one kid's house but also from amazement at Mihoshi. Mihoshi had related the entire tale without taking a single breath it seemed to Harley "And I thought I could talk." Harley thought to herself.
She was so overwhelmed by Mihoshi's speech she didn't even notice when the blond suddenly started to remove her clothes right in front of her. Shaking herself from her stupor she nervously glanced around and saw Ayeka a few feet away removing her gown as well. While Harley watched, Ryoko simply phased out of her clothes allowing them to drop to the ground and then reappeared a few feet away naked. Ayeka neatly folded her gown and glanced down in disgust at Ryoko's clothing lying on the floor. "You are such a slob Ryoko." She hissed before sitting her folded gown on a bench. Mihoshi just picked up her clothing and tossed them carelessly at the bench.
The women walked over to where water was spilling over a small waterfall and kneeling down started scrubbing themselves with sponges and soap. After a moment they glanced back to see Harley still standing there nervously in her clothing.
Once again it was Mihoshi that spoke to her. "There's nothing to worry about. You take your clothes off and come over here and wash. After you are clean you then lower yourself into the hot water of the pool above us and relax."
"Gee, I don't know." Harley said hesitantly. She came from a upbringing where you bathed alone. This was new and kind of strange to her.
"Oh come on." Ryoko finally said. "You don't need to worry about any guys getting in here and seeing you naked if that is what you are worrying about. Washu has a lock that prevents the males from doing that. Course I for one wouldn't mind it if Tenchi was to get in here." Ryoko added with a grin.
"Well not all of us are exhibitionists like you are!" Ayeka snapped at her.
"If you got it, flaunt it!" Ryoko said with a grin. "Oh that's right! You don't have it."
Ayeka just purpled slightly in anger but didn't respond to her.
Mihoshi walked over to stand beside Harley and started to help her undress. Harley standing stock still, her eyes widening slightly from being undressed by another woman. A quite healthy woman at that, but you don't end up as a partner to the Joker without being able to overcome your fears.
As Harley's clothes came off both Ayeka and Ryoko were shocked. They had assumed that Harley's white face was the natural skin coloring for her. After all when your are a space princess or a space pirate you end up dealing with lots of different alien species and 'normal' skin coloring was very often not that normal. The fact that Harley's face was white because of thick makeup wasn't the only shock they got however. As Harley's skin tight costume peeled off her body they could see dozens of bruises revealed. Some of them old and some of them quite new. Harley had bruises on her arms, legs and even across her breasts.
Mihoshi her eyes narrowing at the sight didn't say anything but just helped the nervous young woman remove the costume.
As soon as Mihoshi finished helping her undress Harley walked over to where the other women were and started scrubbing with soap and sponges as if she always bathed with others.
As the thick white makeup came off her face, Ryoko, Ayeka and Mihoshi could see a young almost childlike face revealed. A self conscious Harley glanced up to see them staring at her. "What?" She asked nervously.
"We were just wondering..." Ayeka began but then stopped. She couldn't think of a diplomatic way of asking about the bruises.
"Who beat the living daylights out of you?" Ryoko finished bluntly.
Harley glanced down at the bruises on her arms. Being around the Joker she had gotten so used to having them she didn't even think it strange any more. "Um, I am accident prone and trip a lot." Harley said quickly.
Neither Ayeka or Ryoko bought that explanation but decided to let it go. Mihoshi standing behind Harley just sadly shook her head and moved over beside her to wash herself.
Harley, after quite a bit of scrubbing managed to get all the heavy pancake makeup off of her face. Wondering how she was supposed to rinse the soap off, she suddenly got a shock when Mihoshi dumped a bucket of water over her head. "Gaa! That is freezing!" She yelped in surprise.
Mihoshi giggled. "Oops sorry about that. Now we go over to the hot springs part of the bath and relax in the hot water to let our pores open." Mihoshi explained.
Harley looked up to see Ayeka already move up a short stair to a raised area of the bath. Quickly following Ayeka and Mihoshi, Harley was once again shocked when she saw the rest of the 'bath' that had been hidden from her till then. It looked like a large steaming lake. There was large rocks in it and several large trees around the edge. It certainly didn't look like any type of bath that Harley had ever seen.
Watching carefully so she didn't make any more mistakes, Harley watched as Ayeka slowly lowered herself with several winces into the obviously very hot water. Reaching out with a toe she felt the water and immediately pulled back. "That is boiling!" She cried out.
Mihoshi came up beside her. "No its not. It just feels really hot because of the cold water I doused you with. Ease down into it and it will feel fantastic I promise. Your muscles will relax and your pores will open up. You'll love it."
Harley keeping an eye on Mihoshi eased down in the water with her and true to Mihoshi's words as soon as she was in, it did feel wonderful. Suddenly Harley frowned. "What happened to that other woman? Ryoko wasn't it?"
Ayeka with her hair elaborately piled on top of her head to keep it from getting wet shot her eyes open, which she had closed in bliss from the bath's heat and said. "She wouldn't would she? Not again!"
Harley started to turn to ask Mihoshi what she meant when suddenly Ryoko appeared in the air above the pool. Pulling her legs up against her chest Ryoko cannonballed into the center of the pool splashing everyone with hot water.
"RYOKO!" Ayeka sputtered.
Mihoshi just sighed. "Do you have to do that every time?" She finally asked a mischievously grinning Ryoko.
"As long as it always catches Ayeka off guard? Yes." Ryoko said and then laughed.
Harley watched as the two women began a water fight splashing each other back and forth. Turning to look at Mihoshi sitting beside her she saw that the blond had her eyes closed and was smiling blishfully.
"So." Harley said trying to remember Mihoshi's rambling explanation on how every one had ended up in Tenchi's home. "You say that Ryoko was a space pirate and she was chased to the earth by someone named Yishi?"
"That is Yosho!" Ayeka angrily said.
"Oops! sorry." Harley called out to her.
"And then a while later Ayeka and Sasami came looking for this Yosho and found Ryoko and they got into a fight of some kind and crashed here?" Harley asked Mihoshi.
Mihoshi with her eyes still closed nodded her head and murmured a sleepy affirmative.
Harley watching Mihoshi smiled. She thought to herself she really could get to like Mihoshi. She always seemed so relaxed and happy. "She takes the time to explain things to me and doesn't look down her nose at me like that Ayeka does." She thought to herself. "Its the part Mihoshi where you came to the earth that you lost me at." She finally said out loud.
"Miss Mihoshi." Ayeka said in a imperious voice. "Was chasing a wanted space criminal known by the name Kagato and got accidentally sucked into a vortex created by this mummy woman here." Ayeka said pointing a finger at Ryoko.
Ryoko crossed her arms over her ample breasts and frowned at Ayeka. "Didn't your parents teach you its not polite to point? Besides how was I suppose to know she was coming into earth's atmosphere at that exact time?"
Harley sensing another argument starting between Ayeka and Ryoko asked quickly. "Why was Mihoshi chasing a space criminal though?"
"Because Miss Mihoshi is first class detective Mihoshi of the Galaxy Police!" Ayeka replied without looking over at Harley.
Ryoko who happened to be watching Harley at that moment saw Harley's eyes widen suddenly and saw her start to inch away from Mihoshi's side. "Your a cop?!" Harley said in surprise. Mihoshi drifting into sleep merely murmured a yes again.
"Hmm, that's interesting. The only reason for actions like that is Harley either now or in the past was on the wrong side of the law." Ryoko thought to herself.
The Joker was not a happy camper. Not by a very long shot! The metal tentacles had taken him completely by surprise and had wrapped around his arms and legs and hoisted him into the air. At one point he had opened his mouth to curse Washu fully and a smaller tentacle had quickly shot out and even grabbed his tongue! All he could do now was shoot angry glares at a oblivious Washu as she worked at her floating keyboard.
Washu doing a preliminary scan on the Joker quickly located with her scanners some very odd things on him. Her scanner quickly located and identified the joybuzzer in his pocket and determined that it was capable of lethal voltage. The scanner had also located a bunch of titanium rectangles in secret pockets in his jacket sleeves. They were roughly the shape of playing cards and the scanners determined that they were razor sharp. Washu also made note of several gas grenades in various places on the Joker's body. Her scanners could not determine without a physical sample of the chemical inside of them what they were but she was willing to bet it wasn't anything pleasant. She also found in one of the Joker's pockets what looked like a small whoopee cushion but her scanners informed her that it was loaded with explosive charges. Not enough to blow up a house but anyone sitting on it would have their butt literally blown out the top of their head.
"Nasty stuff. Leave it to Tenchi to walk out to his garden and find someone like this." Washu thought to herself. The last thing her scanners located and informed her about was the flower on the Joker's lapel. It was loaded with the same chemical that was in the gas grenades but there again without a physical sample her scanner could not determine what the chemicals purpose was.
Washu gave no indication to Joker what her instruments were detecting but merely hummed as though everything was perfectly normal.
"Little Ryoko. Where are you at?" She thought at Ryoko through her mental link to her.
"Must you call me that?" Ryoko in the bathhouse angrily thought back to her. "I'm in the bathhouse with Mihoshi, Ayeka and that new woman Harley. What's up?"
"I've just finished doing a scan on this Joker person in my lab." Washu mentally told her.
"Oh? Anything interesting?"
"You could say that. He's carrying around various lethal toys disguised as a clown's pranks and gags." Washu thought drily back.
Ryoko in the bath suddenly stiffened and sat upright. "You think these two are dangerous then?"
Washu as she tapped a few keys on her keyboard in the lab frowned and thought back. "I suppose there could be a innocent reason for all these 'toys' but even with my scientific genius I can't see one. What kind of feelings do you get about his partner Harley?"
"She seems a nice enough kid." Ryoko thought back. "But when miss blabber mouth princess let it slip that Mihoshi was a Galaxy Police officer she pulled away from her and they had been getting along real well up to that point."
"You think they are criminals then?" Washu asked.
"Be my guess." Ryoko responded. "What shall we do with them?"
"We can't do anything. No matter what they might have done in their own dimension, they have done nothing wrong here and until they do you know Tenchi would not want us to do anything." Washu with a thoughtful look replied to Ryoko.
"Just keep an eye on Harley and I will keep a careful leash on Joker here. As soon as I find out what dimension they come from we will send them back and be done with them."
Ryoko gave the mental equivalent of a nod. "Will do Washu. Any other ideas or suggestions?"
"Just one. Call me mom!" Washu thought back with a grin. Washu quickly severed her mental link with Ryoko to keep from hearing the rude suggestions she knew were about to come from her.
Harley nervously sliding a short distance away from Mihoshi kept a eye on her. "Who would thought that such a nice, friendly, bubblehead could be a cop?" Hearing a noise coming up the stairs behind her she looked nervously over her shoulder and saw Sasami come up carrying a basket of folded clean laundry.
"There you all are! I know whenever I can't find any of you that you all have slipped off to the bathhouse again!" Sasami told her sister Ayeka.
Ayeka opening one eye looked at her sister and replied. "What is it you wanted Sasami?"
"Lunch will be ready in a short time."
"Very well. We will be down in a moment. Oh Sasami?" Ayeka added as a thought came to her. "Could you please wash Miss Quinn's clothing for her? I noticed that it was very dirty. And smelly." Ayeka finished under her breath.
Harley, unlike the Joker kept all her weapons and 'toys' in a handbag. A handbag that she had left behind in the abandoned warehouse back in their home dimension, so there was nothing incriminating or dangerous in her clothing for Sasami to find. Still she didn't want Sasami to wash her clothing for her like she was some servant. "Oh please don't bother on my account!" She quickly said.
"Don't be silly! You don't want to put dirty clothes back on after getting all clean do you?" Ayeka said.
"But I don't have anything else to wear. I can't walk around naked." Harley pointed out.
"Not with Tenchi around you sure can't." Ryoko growled at her.
"Sasami will give you some of her clothing to wear till yours gets cleaned and dried." Ayeka stated.
"But sister, Harley is much too large for my clothing." Sasami said.
"Hmm, and she is much too short for any of my clothing or Mihoshi's either. And she is certainly not as overly large as Ryoko." Ayeka pondered.
"Hey you better be talking about my height and not implying that I am fat!" Ryoko yelled.
"I know what you can wear!" Sasami said and then reached into the laundry basket of clean clothes. Sasami pulled out a large white shirt. "You can wear one of Tenchi's shirts! It is large enough to reach your knees so it will cover you completely but not be tight either."
"You can't let that woman wear Lord Tenchi's clothing!" Ayeka shouted.
"Oh don't make a fuss Ayeka. You know Tenchi won't mind." Sasami said and then turned to face Harley. "I will leave the shirt downstairs on the bench and wash your clothing for you."
Harley opened her mouth to tell Sasami she didn't have to bother washing her clothing but Sasami was already turning to look at her sister again. "Lunch will be ready in thirty minutes. Don't be late!"
Sasami knocked on Washu's lab door and waited a moment. "Come in." Washu's voice called out as the door opened.
Sasami walking in spotted Joker hanging in the air from the metal tentacles. "Washu can't you come up with a way of scanning someone without having to use those things?" She asked.
"Well I could.....But what fun would there be in that?" Washu said with a grin. "What is it you wanted Sasami?" She asked getting serious.
"Lunch will be ready in a few moments. Can you and Mr. Joker put off the rest of the tests to come eat?"
Washu thought for a moment. On the one hand she didn't want someone potentially dangerous wandering around Tenchi's home and it would be safer to keep him confined to her lab but on the other hand, she didn't want to tip off to the Joker that she knew he was more than he appeared yet. Washu's mind went through all the possibilities and probabilities in a matter of seconds and answered Sasami. "Sure. We'll put off the rest of the tests till after lunch. I almost have his home dimension locked in now."
"Okay. See you in a few moments." Sasami said happily and left.
Pressing a few keys Washu caused the metallic arms to release Joker. She had her back turned to him but unknown to Joker, Washu had programmed several AI computers in her lab to carefully monitor him. If he tried as so much as even attempt to hurt her, the computers would lash out with restraining arms that made the scanners look like pipe cleaners in comparison.
Joker worked his mouth several times and flexed his tongue. He had had it! That little redheaded kid was going to die and die with a huge smile on her face he decided. As he quietly stalked up behind Washu who was obliviously typing on that keyboard several sensors tracked his progress.
Almost reaching Washu's back Joker suddenly spied something across the room and changed directions to look at it more closely.
The item was sealed behind a glass display cabinet but Joker recognized the familiar lines of it.
It looked like a military rocket launcher but had a hood over the front part of it.
"What is this thing?" He called out to Washu.
"Just a toy I made to prove a theory once. Washu proudly proclaimed. "It's a hyperspace rocket launcher"
Washu had one major character flaw. She was overly proud of her inventions. Especially those that proved a theory that the Science Academy had told her was impossible.
"You see the numeric keypad on the stock of the launcher?" Washu said pointing it out. "You type in the distance to the target there and then when you fire the rocket it enters a hyperspace tunnel. Inside there it is impossible for anyone to block, defend or track the rocket. It comes out 3 inches from the distance you put in and the rocket then explodes taking out your target!"
Joker felt his eyebrows raise. "This Washu makes weapons of mass destruction and calls them toys?" Joker thought to himself. "Maybe she is more fun than I first thought."
"Does it work?" He asked her eagerly.
"Of course it works!" I tried it one time to make sure my theory was sound and then sealed it inside that display cabinet. Come on will be late for lunch and Sasami hates that." Washu finished.
As Washu lead The Joker out of her lab several sensors tracked him all the way to the door. As the door shut behind them the AI's silently slid safeties back into place.
Joker exiting Washu's lab spotted the rest of the people he had met already sitting at the dinningroom table. In addition to Mihoshi, Ayeka and Tenchi he spotted a spiky blue haired woman, a older man with a long gray pony tail and a blond with two short pigtails wearing nothing but a long white shirt. Doing a double take he realized that the blond with the pigtails was his Harley.
"Harley? What are you doing out of your costume?" He asked in a gruff voice.
Tenchi noted that Harley visibly flinched again.
"I'm sorry Puddin but the girls here insisted I take a bath with them and then Sasami offered to clean my clothing for me and well........ This is all they had for me to wear." She said in a rush.
The Joker noticing that the old man with gray hair was studying him just gave a laugh. "Its okay Harley girl. Just unusual for me to see you outside of your costume and without your makeup on." He added with just the slightest growl to his voice. Joker walked up to the table beside where Mihoshi was sitting. "Its not like that you not wearing your makeup or costume is going to change who you are...... or make you forget who you belong to!" He finished under his breath. Mihoshi gave no indication but she heard him.
Sasami brought up the food and quickly served everyone. The Joker glanced at the food on his plate with a frown. It was a vegetarian dish of some kind with rice.
Glancing over he noticed that Harley was having no problems and was happily eating the food.
"Wow. I never knew veggies could taste so good. Ivy would love your cooking." Harley smiled at a pleased Sasami.
Yosho watching the Joker noticed that he only toyed with his food. "Is something wrong?" He finally asked him.
"Mr. J is a meat and potatoes kind of guy." Harley explained.
"I'm sorry Mr. Joker but most of our meals here are vegetarian in nature. Meat is hard to get and reserved for only special occasions." Tenchi said apologetically.
"Oh don't apologize Tenchi. This is great!" Harley said with a smile.
"Tenchi after lunch I expect you to show up at the temple for training." Yosho stated.
"Training?" Harley asked in interest.
"Lord Tenchi is being trained in proper sword technique." Ayeka explained.
"Ooh! Can we watch?" Harley asked eagerly.
Ayeka was about to explain, with some glee, that Yosho did not allow anyone to watch Tenchi's training sessions but she was interrupted by Yosho. "I don't see why not." Yosho answered back.
Ayeka and Ryoko looked at each other and almost had their mouths drop open. Yosho didn't allow anyone to watch! Ayeka had tried several times and each time Yosho merely called off Tenchi's training early. Ryoko had even tried to sneak up and watch using her teleport and phasing abilities and Yosho always seem to know when she was near and did the same thing to her. Never call much attention to the fact but just called the training over early and sent Tenchi on his way.
Yosho had noticed when Harley Quinn reached for food on her plate, her bruised arms. "Perhaps in the guise of teaching Tenchi some new sword techniques I can get through to this young lady and help her to see that loving someone does not mean you have to be their punching bag."
Yosho had taken a instant dislike to the Joker as soon as he saw him. It was not his outlandish clothing or his dead white face as it was the fact that the aura he was putting off reminded him strongly of Kagato.
"Oh I'm sorry but I think it is time for Harley to have to spend some time in Washu's lab." Joker replied quickly before Harley could accept.
"Yes Mr. J." Harley replied sadly.
"Oh we can't do that." Washu replied. "Once the dimensional tests have been started they have to be finished with the person they were begun on."
"You never said that!" Joker growled at Washu.
"Yep. So it has to be you or I will have to start over from scratch with Harley. But don't worry the next stage of testing won't require the medical scanner I used before. This time I can just have you hold your hand on a scanner plate and get the readings I need. After we are done, I'll show you some more of my projects I have completed." Washu said.
"You mean like that one 'toy' you showed me?" The Joker asked eagerly.
"Sure." Washu said. The Joker made her skin crawl and she had no intention of letting him see any more of her more destructive experiments but he didn't need to know that.
"Well then Harley girl I guess it will be all right for you to watch Tenchi here at his training." Joker said.
"Yay!" Harley happily squealed.
The Joker his eyebrow raising wondered once again what had gotten into Harley since they had arrived in this strange world.
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.
Thank you and please enjoy the story.
Tenchi meets The Joker
by Weirdbard
Chapter 4. Harley makes some new friends.
Ayeka and Mihoshi had just finished putting the last touches on the new wall panel that they had put into place. Once again the house showed no signs of the morning's previous heated battle between Ryoko and Ayeka.
"Whew! Done. What should we do now?" Mihoshi said wiping a bead of sweat off her forehead with her arm.
"Well since this is Saturday, none of our soaps will be on today." Ayeka said in a slightly disappointed voice. She started to say something else but stopped when she saw the door to Washu's lab open and Tenchi and Harley walked out.
"Miss Ayeka? Would you keep Harley company for a while? I really have to get back to my chores now. And Washu and Joker will be busy in her lab for a while." Tenchi asked.
Ayeka wasn't thrilled with being asked to baby-sit yet another female visitor to Tenchi's home but she was a princess so she handled it gracefully manner.
"Why of course Lord Tenchi I would be happy to keep her company." Ayeka's smile faded away as soon as Tenchi left the house however.
Harley nervously shifted her weight from one foot to another as she waited for the woman in the elaborate gown to say something to her. It was Mihoshi who spoke first however.
"I know what we can do! Let's go take a bath!"
"A bath? Together?" Harley asked surprised.
Ayeka just look down her nose at Harley as if she had asked a incredibly dumb question.
"Yes. It is the custom in this land for people to bathe together." Mihoshi explained to her.
"Men and women?" Harley asked feeling like she was unschooled bumpkin. A feeling that wasn't helped by the condescending look on Ayeka's face towards her.
"No." Mihoshi giggled. "The men have their own bathroom and we girls have a bathhouse built for us by Washu. Come on you'll love it!"
Suddenly a woman with spiky blueish hair appeared out of nowhere beside Harley. "A bath? Sounds great!" Ryoko replied.
"And why would you need to take a bath? You haven't done any work today!" Ayeka said pointing her nose in the air in Ryoko's direction.
The two women started arguing loudly at each other leaving a dumb founded Harley to stand there looking first at one of them and then at the other.
Mihoshi stepped up beside her. "Don't pay any attention to those two. They are always arguing."
Ryoko distracted from her fight with Ayeka glanced over at Harley and then frowning she asked. "Who is this?"
Mihoshi looked up. "Oh this is Harley Quinn. Harley this is Ryoko the Space Pirate."
"Space pirate?!" Harley asked with a squeak.
"Sure. I'll explain it all in the bath." Mihoshi said and grabbing Harley by the hand started to lead her off, rapidly chatting all the while. Ayeka and Ryoko watched them for a moment and then shrugging they started to follow.
"So you see that is how we all came to be here at Tenchi's house." Mihoshi finally finished as they walked though another strange door in the house and ended up in the bathhouse.
Poor Harley's mind was in a whirl. Not only from the fantastic tale of how all the women had ended up in this one kid's house but also from amazement at Mihoshi. Mihoshi had related the entire tale without taking a single breath it seemed to Harley "And I thought I could talk." Harley thought to herself.
She was so overwhelmed by Mihoshi's speech she didn't even notice when the blond suddenly started to remove her clothes right in front of her. Shaking herself from her stupor she nervously glanced around and saw Ayeka a few feet away removing her gown as well. While Harley watched, Ryoko simply phased out of her clothes allowing them to drop to the ground and then reappeared a few feet away naked. Ayeka neatly folded her gown and glanced down in disgust at Ryoko's clothing lying on the floor. "You are such a slob Ryoko." She hissed before sitting her folded gown on a bench. Mihoshi just picked up her clothing and tossed them carelessly at the bench.
The women walked over to where water was spilling over a small waterfall and kneeling down started scrubbing themselves with sponges and soap. After a moment they glanced back to see Harley still standing there nervously in her clothing.
Once again it was Mihoshi that spoke to her. "There's nothing to worry about. You take your clothes off and come over here and wash. After you are clean you then lower yourself into the hot water of the pool above us and relax."
"Gee, I don't know." Harley said hesitantly. She came from a upbringing where you bathed alone. This was new and kind of strange to her.
"Oh come on." Ryoko finally said. "You don't need to worry about any guys getting in here and seeing you naked if that is what you are worrying about. Washu has a lock that prevents the males from doing that. Course I for one wouldn't mind it if Tenchi was to get in here." Ryoko added with a grin.
"Well not all of us are exhibitionists like you are!" Ayeka snapped at her.
"If you got it, flaunt it!" Ryoko said with a grin. "Oh that's right! You don't have it."
Ayeka just purpled slightly in anger but didn't respond to her.
Mihoshi walked over to stand beside Harley and started to help her undress. Harley standing stock still, her eyes widening slightly from being undressed by another woman. A quite healthy woman at that, but you don't end up as a partner to the Joker without being able to overcome your fears.
As Harley's clothes came off both Ayeka and Ryoko were shocked. They had assumed that Harley's white face was the natural skin coloring for her. After all when your are a space princess or a space pirate you end up dealing with lots of different alien species and 'normal' skin coloring was very often not that normal. The fact that Harley's face was white because of thick makeup wasn't the only shock they got however. As Harley's skin tight costume peeled off her body they could see dozens of bruises revealed. Some of them old and some of them quite new. Harley had bruises on her arms, legs and even across her breasts.
Mihoshi her eyes narrowing at the sight didn't say anything but just helped the nervous young woman remove the costume.
As soon as Mihoshi finished helping her undress Harley walked over to where the other women were and started scrubbing with soap and sponges as if she always bathed with others.
As the thick white makeup came off her face, Ryoko, Ayeka and Mihoshi could see a young almost childlike face revealed. A self conscious Harley glanced up to see them staring at her. "What?" She asked nervously.
"We were just wondering..." Ayeka began but then stopped. She couldn't think of a diplomatic way of asking about the bruises.
"Who beat the living daylights out of you?" Ryoko finished bluntly.
Harley glanced down at the bruises on her arms. Being around the Joker she had gotten so used to having them she didn't even think it strange any more. "Um, I am accident prone and trip a lot." Harley said quickly.
Neither Ayeka or Ryoko bought that explanation but decided to let it go. Mihoshi standing behind Harley just sadly shook her head and moved over beside her to wash herself.
Harley, after quite a bit of scrubbing managed to get all the heavy pancake makeup off of her face. Wondering how she was supposed to rinse the soap off, she suddenly got a shock when Mihoshi dumped a bucket of water over her head. "Gaa! That is freezing!" She yelped in surprise.
Mihoshi giggled. "Oops sorry about that. Now we go over to the hot springs part of the bath and relax in the hot water to let our pores open." Mihoshi explained.
Harley looked up to see Ayeka already move up a short stair to a raised area of the bath. Quickly following Ayeka and Mihoshi, Harley was once again shocked when she saw the rest of the 'bath' that had been hidden from her till then. It looked like a large steaming lake. There was large rocks in it and several large trees around the edge. It certainly didn't look like any type of bath that Harley had ever seen.
Watching carefully so she didn't make any more mistakes, Harley watched as Ayeka slowly lowered herself with several winces into the obviously very hot water. Reaching out with a toe she felt the water and immediately pulled back. "That is boiling!" She cried out.
Mihoshi came up beside her. "No its not. It just feels really hot because of the cold water I doused you with. Ease down into it and it will feel fantastic I promise. Your muscles will relax and your pores will open up. You'll love it."
Harley keeping an eye on Mihoshi eased down in the water with her and true to Mihoshi's words as soon as she was in, it did feel wonderful. Suddenly Harley frowned. "What happened to that other woman? Ryoko wasn't it?"
Ayeka with her hair elaborately piled on top of her head to keep it from getting wet shot her eyes open, which she had closed in bliss from the bath's heat and said. "She wouldn't would she? Not again!"
Harley started to turn to ask Mihoshi what she meant when suddenly Ryoko appeared in the air above the pool. Pulling her legs up against her chest Ryoko cannonballed into the center of the pool splashing everyone with hot water.
"RYOKO!" Ayeka sputtered.
Mihoshi just sighed. "Do you have to do that every time?" She finally asked a mischievously grinning Ryoko.
"As long as it always catches Ayeka off guard? Yes." Ryoko said and then laughed.
Harley watched as the two women began a water fight splashing each other back and forth. Turning to look at Mihoshi sitting beside her she saw that the blond had her eyes closed and was smiling blishfully.
"So." Harley said trying to remember Mihoshi's rambling explanation on how every one had ended up in Tenchi's home. "You say that Ryoko was a space pirate and she was chased to the earth by someone named Yishi?"
"That is Yosho!" Ayeka angrily said.
"Oops! sorry." Harley called out to her.
"And then a while later Ayeka and Sasami came looking for this Yosho and found Ryoko and they got into a fight of some kind and crashed here?" Harley asked Mihoshi.
Mihoshi with her eyes still closed nodded her head and murmured a sleepy affirmative.
Harley watching Mihoshi smiled. She thought to herself she really could get to like Mihoshi. She always seemed so relaxed and happy. "She takes the time to explain things to me and doesn't look down her nose at me like that Ayeka does." She thought to herself. "Its the part Mihoshi where you came to the earth that you lost me at." She finally said out loud.
"Miss Mihoshi." Ayeka said in a imperious voice. "Was chasing a wanted space criminal known by the name Kagato and got accidentally sucked into a vortex created by this mummy woman here." Ayeka said pointing a finger at Ryoko.
Ryoko crossed her arms over her ample breasts and frowned at Ayeka. "Didn't your parents teach you its not polite to point? Besides how was I suppose to know she was coming into earth's atmosphere at that exact time?"
Harley sensing another argument starting between Ayeka and Ryoko asked quickly. "Why was Mihoshi chasing a space criminal though?"
"Because Miss Mihoshi is first class detective Mihoshi of the Galaxy Police!" Ayeka replied without looking over at Harley.
Ryoko who happened to be watching Harley at that moment saw Harley's eyes widen suddenly and saw her start to inch away from Mihoshi's side. "Your a cop?!" Harley said in surprise. Mihoshi drifting into sleep merely murmured a yes again.
"Hmm, that's interesting. The only reason for actions like that is Harley either now or in the past was on the wrong side of the law." Ryoko thought to herself.
The Joker was not a happy camper. Not by a very long shot! The metal tentacles had taken him completely by surprise and had wrapped around his arms and legs and hoisted him into the air. At one point he had opened his mouth to curse Washu fully and a smaller tentacle had quickly shot out and even grabbed his tongue! All he could do now was shoot angry glares at a oblivious Washu as she worked at her floating keyboard.
Washu doing a preliminary scan on the Joker quickly located with her scanners some very odd things on him. Her scanner quickly located and identified the joybuzzer in his pocket and determined that it was capable of lethal voltage. The scanner had also located a bunch of titanium rectangles in secret pockets in his jacket sleeves. They were roughly the shape of playing cards and the scanners determined that they were razor sharp. Washu also made note of several gas grenades in various places on the Joker's body. Her scanners could not determine without a physical sample of the chemical inside of them what they were but she was willing to bet it wasn't anything pleasant. She also found in one of the Joker's pockets what looked like a small whoopee cushion but her scanners informed her that it was loaded with explosive charges. Not enough to blow up a house but anyone sitting on it would have their butt literally blown out the top of their head.
"Nasty stuff. Leave it to Tenchi to walk out to his garden and find someone like this." Washu thought to herself. The last thing her scanners located and informed her about was the flower on the Joker's lapel. It was loaded with the same chemical that was in the gas grenades but there again without a physical sample her scanner could not determine what the chemicals purpose was.
Washu gave no indication to Joker what her instruments were detecting but merely hummed as though everything was perfectly normal.
"Little Ryoko. Where are you at?" She thought at Ryoko through her mental link to her.
"Must you call me that?" Ryoko in the bathhouse angrily thought back to her. "I'm in the bathhouse with Mihoshi, Ayeka and that new woman Harley. What's up?"
"I've just finished doing a scan on this Joker person in my lab." Washu mentally told her.
"Oh? Anything interesting?"
"You could say that. He's carrying around various lethal toys disguised as a clown's pranks and gags." Washu thought drily back.
Ryoko in the bath suddenly stiffened and sat upright. "You think these two are dangerous then?"
Washu as she tapped a few keys on her keyboard in the lab frowned and thought back. "I suppose there could be a innocent reason for all these 'toys' but even with my scientific genius I can't see one. What kind of feelings do you get about his partner Harley?"
"She seems a nice enough kid." Ryoko thought back. "But when miss blabber mouth princess let it slip that Mihoshi was a Galaxy Police officer she pulled away from her and they had been getting along real well up to that point."
"You think they are criminals then?" Washu asked.
"Be my guess." Ryoko responded. "What shall we do with them?"
"We can't do anything. No matter what they might have done in their own dimension, they have done nothing wrong here and until they do you know Tenchi would not want us to do anything." Washu with a thoughtful look replied to Ryoko.
"Just keep an eye on Harley and I will keep a careful leash on Joker here. As soon as I find out what dimension they come from we will send them back and be done with them."
Ryoko gave the mental equivalent of a nod. "Will do Washu. Any other ideas or suggestions?"
"Just one. Call me mom!" Washu thought back with a grin. Washu quickly severed her mental link with Ryoko to keep from hearing the rude suggestions she knew were about to come from her.
Harley nervously sliding a short distance away from Mihoshi kept a eye on her. "Who would thought that such a nice, friendly, bubblehead could be a cop?" Hearing a noise coming up the stairs behind her she looked nervously over her shoulder and saw Sasami come up carrying a basket of folded clean laundry.
"There you all are! I know whenever I can't find any of you that you all have slipped off to the bathhouse again!" Sasami told her sister Ayeka.
Ayeka opening one eye looked at her sister and replied. "What is it you wanted Sasami?"
"Lunch will be ready in a short time."
"Very well. We will be down in a moment. Oh Sasami?" Ayeka added as a thought came to her. "Could you please wash Miss Quinn's clothing for her? I noticed that it was very dirty. And smelly." Ayeka finished under her breath.
Harley, unlike the Joker kept all her weapons and 'toys' in a handbag. A handbag that she had left behind in the abandoned warehouse back in their home dimension, so there was nothing incriminating or dangerous in her clothing for Sasami to find. Still she didn't want Sasami to wash her clothing for her like she was some servant. "Oh please don't bother on my account!" She quickly said.
"Don't be silly! You don't want to put dirty clothes back on after getting all clean do you?" Ayeka said.
"But I don't have anything else to wear. I can't walk around naked." Harley pointed out.
"Not with Tenchi around you sure can't." Ryoko growled at her.
"Sasami will give you some of her clothing to wear till yours gets cleaned and dried." Ayeka stated.
"But sister, Harley is much too large for my clothing." Sasami said.
"Hmm, and she is much too short for any of my clothing or Mihoshi's either. And she is certainly not as overly large as Ryoko." Ayeka pondered.
"Hey you better be talking about my height and not implying that I am fat!" Ryoko yelled.
"I know what you can wear!" Sasami said and then reached into the laundry basket of clean clothes. Sasami pulled out a large white shirt. "You can wear one of Tenchi's shirts! It is large enough to reach your knees so it will cover you completely but not be tight either."
"You can't let that woman wear Lord Tenchi's clothing!" Ayeka shouted.
"Oh don't make a fuss Ayeka. You know Tenchi won't mind." Sasami said and then turned to face Harley. "I will leave the shirt downstairs on the bench and wash your clothing for you."
Harley opened her mouth to tell Sasami she didn't have to bother washing her clothing but Sasami was already turning to look at her sister again. "Lunch will be ready in thirty minutes. Don't be late!"
Sasami knocked on Washu's lab door and waited a moment. "Come in." Washu's voice called out as the door opened.
Sasami walking in spotted Joker hanging in the air from the metal tentacles. "Washu can't you come up with a way of scanning someone without having to use those things?" She asked.
"Well I could.....But what fun would there be in that?" Washu said with a grin. "What is it you wanted Sasami?" She asked getting serious.
"Lunch will be ready in a few moments. Can you and Mr. Joker put off the rest of the tests to come eat?"
Washu thought for a moment. On the one hand she didn't want someone potentially dangerous wandering around Tenchi's home and it would be safer to keep him confined to her lab but on the other hand, she didn't want to tip off to the Joker that she knew he was more than he appeared yet. Washu's mind went through all the possibilities and probabilities in a matter of seconds and answered Sasami. "Sure. We'll put off the rest of the tests till after lunch. I almost have his home dimension locked in now."
"Okay. See you in a few moments." Sasami said happily and left.
Pressing a few keys Washu caused the metallic arms to release Joker. She had her back turned to him but unknown to Joker, Washu had programmed several AI computers in her lab to carefully monitor him. If he tried as so much as even attempt to hurt her, the computers would lash out with restraining arms that made the scanners look like pipe cleaners in comparison.
Joker worked his mouth several times and flexed his tongue. He had had it! That little redheaded kid was going to die and die with a huge smile on her face he decided. As he quietly stalked up behind Washu who was obliviously typing on that keyboard several sensors tracked his progress.
Almost reaching Washu's back Joker suddenly spied something across the room and changed directions to look at it more closely.
The item was sealed behind a glass display cabinet but Joker recognized the familiar lines of it.
It looked like a military rocket launcher but had a hood over the front part of it.
"What is this thing?" He called out to Washu.
"Just a toy I made to prove a theory once. Washu proudly proclaimed. "It's a hyperspace rocket launcher"
Washu had one major character flaw. She was overly proud of her inventions. Especially those that proved a theory that the Science Academy had told her was impossible.
"You see the numeric keypad on the stock of the launcher?" Washu said pointing it out. "You type in the distance to the target there and then when you fire the rocket it enters a hyperspace tunnel. Inside there it is impossible for anyone to block, defend or track the rocket. It comes out 3 inches from the distance you put in and the rocket then explodes taking out your target!"
Joker felt his eyebrows raise. "This Washu makes weapons of mass destruction and calls them toys?" Joker thought to himself. "Maybe she is more fun than I first thought."
"Does it work?" He asked her eagerly.
"Of course it works!" I tried it one time to make sure my theory was sound and then sealed it inside that display cabinet. Come on will be late for lunch and Sasami hates that." Washu finished.
As Washu lead The Joker out of her lab several sensors tracked him all the way to the door. As the door shut behind them the AI's silently slid safeties back into place.
Joker exiting Washu's lab spotted the rest of the people he had met already sitting at the dinningroom table. In addition to Mihoshi, Ayeka and Tenchi he spotted a spiky blue haired woman, a older man with a long gray pony tail and a blond with two short pigtails wearing nothing but a long white shirt. Doing a double take he realized that the blond with the pigtails was his Harley.
"Harley? What are you doing out of your costume?" He asked in a gruff voice.
Tenchi noted that Harley visibly flinched again.
"I'm sorry Puddin but the girls here insisted I take a bath with them and then Sasami offered to clean my clothing for me and well........ This is all they had for me to wear." She said in a rush.
The Joker noticing that the old man with gray hair was studying him just gave a laugh. "Its okay Harley girl. Just unusual for me to see you outside of your costume and without your makeup on." He added with just the slightest growl to his voice. Joker walked up to the table beside where Mihoshi was sitting. "Its not like that you not wearing your makeup or costume is going to change who you are...... or make you forget who you belong to!" He finished under his breath. Mihoshi gave no indication but she heard him.
Sasami brought up the food and quickly served everyone. The Joker glanced at the food on his plate with a frown. It was a vegetarian dish of some kind with rice.
Glancing over he noticed that Harley was having no problems and was happily eating the food.
"Wow. I never knew veggies could taste so good. Ivy would love your cooking." Harley smiled at a pleased Sasami.
Yosho watching the Joker noticed that he only toyed with his food. "Is something wrong?" He finally asked him.
"Mr. J is a meat and potatoes kind of guy." Harley explained.
"I'm sorry Mr. Joker but most of our meals here are vegetarian in nature. Meat is hard to get and reserved for only special occasions." Tenchi said apologetically.
"Oh don't apologize Tenchi. This is great!" Harley said with a smile.
"Tenchi after lunch I expect you to show up at the temple for training." Yosho stated.
"Training?" Harley asked in interest.
"Lord Tenchi is being trained in proper sword technique." Ayeka explained.
"Ooh! Can we watch?" Harley asked eagerly.
Ayeka was about to explain, with some glee, that Yosho did not allow anyone to watch Tenchi's training sessions but she was interrupted by Yosho. "I don't see why not." Yosho answered back.
Ayeka and Ryoko looked at each other and almost had their mouths drop open. Yosho didn't allow anyone to watch! Ayeka had tried several times and each time Yosho merely called off Tenchi's training early. Ryoko had even tried to sneak up and watch using her teleport and phasing abilities and Yosho always seem to know when she was near and did the same thing to her. Never call much attention to the fact but just called the training over early and sent Tenchi on his way.
Yosho had noticed when Harley Quinn reached for food on her plate, her bruised arms. "Perhaps in the guise of teaching Tenchi some new sword techniques I can get through to this young lady and help her to see that loving someone does not mean you have to be their punching bag."
Yosho had taken a instant dislike to the Joker as soon as he saw him. It was not his outlandish clothing or his dead white face as it was the fact that the aura he was putting off reminded him strongly of Kagato.
"Oh I'm sorry but I think it is time for Harley to have to spend some time in Washu's lab." Joker replied quickly before Harley could accept.
"Yes Mr. J." Harley replied sadly.
"Oh we can't do that." Washu replied. "Once the dimensional tests have been started they have to be finished with the person they were begun on."
"You never said that!" Joker growled at Washu.
"Yep. So it has to be you or I will have to start over from scratch with Harley. But don't worry the next stage of testing won't require the medical scanner I used before. This time I can just have you hold your hand on a scanner plate and get the readings I need. After we are done, I'll show you some more of my projects I have completed." Washu said.
"You mean like that one 'toy' you showed me?" The Joker asked eagerly.
"Sure." Washu said. The Joker made her skin crawl and she had no intention of letting him see any more of her more destructive experiments but he didn't need to know that.
"Well then Harley girl I guess it will be all right for you to watch Tenchi here at his training." Joker said.
"Yay!" Harley happily squealed.
The Joker his eyebrow raising wondered once again what had gotten into Harley since they had arrived in this strange world.