Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.
Thank you and please enjoy the story.
Tenchi meets The Joker
By weirdbard
Chapter 5. Dark Knights and Darker Memories.
Meanwhile back in Gotham:
A darker shadow moved among the dark gloom of a empty warehouse. A light from a flashlight clicks on and swings around for a moment. The shadow hearing a noise, snaps off the flashlight and waits silently in the dark. A smaller shadow enters the room and heads unknowingly towards the larger one. Hearing the slight hiss of a cape moving in a errant gust of wind, the smaller shadow pauses too.
Suddenly two flashlights click on at the same time.
The smaller shadow's light catches the larger one fully. In the light revealed is a figure dressed entirely in grey and black. The head completely covered by a spiky helmet suggesting either horns or ears. On its chest a emblem of a flying bat can be seen.
Batman's flashlight reveals a figure similarly dressed as he is but smaller and obviously a female.
"Batman?" The woman states in a half question.
"Batgirl." The dark figure acknowledges with a nod. "What are you doing here?"
"Tracing the path of a mysterious power surge that knocked out lights and electrical services for miles around here. You?" Batgirl answers.
"The Batcomputer was set up to monitor for sonic disturbances and pinpointed one coming from this location." Batman explains. Hearing a noise both Batman and Batgirl swing their lights around towards the main doors of the warehouse and caught Robin coming in carrying a large gray metal box in his arms.
"Hey you mind?" Robin grumbles as he squints against the glare.
"Sorry." Batgirl says and then using her flashlight she lights Robin's way as he carries the large box and sits it down next to the main powerleads for the building. "What's the box?" She finally asks, her curiosity finally getting the better of her.
"Its a power generator from the Batmobile. I'll hook it up the power cables here and we will have the warehouses lights back on in a moment." Robin mutters as he examines the nest of cables coming out of the circuit box.
"Be careful Robin. Make sure you only hook up power to the lights. We don't know what machine was putting out the sonic signals the batcomputer picked up. We don't want to accidentally turn it on by mistake." Batman says as he examines a black smudge mark on the floor with his flashlight.
"Give me some credit Batman." Robin points out old power cables to Batgirl. "These lines here are obviously from when the factory was first built. So they are the lights. While this cable here." Robin says pointing at a obviously new cable that came out of the circuit box and snaked it's way across the floor. "Is obviously a new one someone installed recently." Making the final connections to the older power lines Robin pushed a button on the gray metal box and with a high pitched whine it kicks on. The lights in the old factory flicker for a moment and then spring on fully.
"I think we can safely assume who it was that stole those computer and sonic equipment parts Robin." Batman says looking at the giant punching bag clown leaning drunkenly on its raised platform.
"The Joker?" Batgirl asks unnecessarily. "What computer and sonic parts by the way?"
Robin answers her. "For the last couple of weeks, robberies have occurred at several of Gotham's major electrical supply firms. Batman programmed the batcomputer with what was stolen and the computer hypothesized that the equipment could be used to make a sonic weapon of some type."
"Ah. So that is why you had the Batcomputer searching for sonic signals?"
Robin nodded and the went over to the nearest computer console. "The question is, if this stuff was made to be some kind of weapon. Why hasn't the Joker used it and where is the Joker and Harley Quinn now?"
Batman examining the layout of the machines flipped open a concealed hinge on the back of one of his gauntlets and was busy typing on a micro keyboard hidden inside. Robin watched patiently. "So, the Batcomputer have any idea what this stuff was meant to do?" He finally asked.
Batman nodded his head. "The computer assigns a 95% probability that with equipment laid out in this manner, the machine was designed to put out a sonic wave meant to induce people into fatal hysterical laughter."
Batgirl shivered slightly. "Well in that case, why are we all still alive?"
Batman frowning bent over one of the computer consoles and examined a pile of circuit boards laying beside it. "That is a good question."
Robin climbing the short flight of stairs was examining the clown part of the machine. Turning he glanced back down to where Batgirl was standing beside Batman at the computer console with the open panel.
"Okay. How's this for a possible explanation? The Joker makes his killer machine but doesn't bother to explain what it does to Quinn. She finds out and freaks?"
Batgirl looks up at Robin and in a imitation of Harley Quinn's voice says. "Oh Mr. J. what a great machine. What does it do?"
Robin playing along answers back in his own imitation of the Joker's voice. "Why Harley girl it kills people with laughter."
Batgirl answers back. "Gee, that's nice." And then turning to the console beside her mimics the motion of frantically jerking circuit cards out of it.
Robin looks over to where Batman is standing with his arms folded watching the two of them. "What do you think?"
"I think your imitations of Joker and Harley need work but I also think you maybe right." He replied dryly.
"So what happened to Joker and Harley?" Robin repeated his earlier question. "You think Harley took off running after sabotaging Joker's machine and he went after her and just left the machine?"
Batman frowning opened his gauntlet computer control again and picking up the circuit cards on the ground rapidly typed. Robin and Batgirl were left to stand and look at one another wondering for several moments.
Robin could see Batman's eyes suddenly widen with whatever information the Batcomputer responded with. "What is it?" He finally asked.
"The Batcomputer hypothesize that if the sonic device was ran with these cards removed from it, it could possibly generate a dimensional portal.
"You mean Joker and Harley Quinn ended up being sent..... somewhere else?" Batgirl asked.
"It's possible." Batman said. "The computer offers a 68% probability that is what happened."
Robin blinked a few times. "Well then, that is good news isn't it? That means Joker and Quinn are out of our hair for good!"
Batman looked thoughtful for a moment. "No. We have to recreate the portal and go and get them."
"What?!" Both Robin and Batgirl asked shocked.
"The Joker and Quinn are our dimension's problems. We can't just let them be dumped on someone else who has no idea how dangerous those two can be! We will have to hook up this machine to the generator and open a portal. I will go after Joker and when I catch him bring him back to face justice here." Batman stated.
"But Batman! You don't even know if a portal was created. Its also possible that the machine vaporized Joker and Quinn and if you try it, it could do the same to you!" Robin shouted.
"Or its also possible that even if they were sent to another dimension that the inhabitants of that dimension are even a worse menace than even the Joker!" Batgirl also added.
"Make the hookups Robin." Batman said and then turning to look at Batgirl he added. "Can you really think of anyone who could be a worse menace than the Joker?"
Meanwhile back at Tenchi's house:
Joker watched in wonder as Harley leapt to her feet to help Sasami clean the dishes from the table.
"That's not necessary Harley." Sasami said. "You are a guest here. I can do the dishes myself."
"I want to help! Besides, if I give you a hand you can get done quicker. You want to watch Tenchi practice too don't you?" Harley said with a smile. A genuine friendly smile.
Tenchi and his grandfather Yosho getting up, nodded to everyone and said they were going to head on up to the temple. Tenchi assured everyone they would not start the training however till everyone arrived. Everyone except Washu and Joker of course.
Washu made a motion with her eyes to Ayeka letting her know she wanted to talk to her outside for a moment. Ayeka made a slight nod of her head and the two of them walked out the front door. Ryoko decided that Washu probably wanted to warn Ayeka to be on her guard around Joker and Harley. Ryoko watched as Sasami picking up a pile of the dishes and went into the kitchen leaving Ryoko, Harley and Joker alone in the dining room for a moment.
Joker dismissing Ryoko's presence reached out and cruelly grabbed Harley by the arm as she started to head to the kitchen after Sasami. Harley with practiced ease kept from crying out as Joker jerked her into the living room.
While Joker and Harley had their backs to her, Ryoko quickly did her `split into two separate beings' trick. One of her stayed at the dining room table with her back to them while the other one quickly phased through the floor to reappear behind the living room couch crouched down. Ryoko B could feel a moment later as the couch shifted backwards as Harley was thrown into it.
"Harley girl!" Ryoko B heard Joker hiss hatefully but quietly at Quinn. "What do you think you are doing getting so friendly with these rubes?!" Joker looked over to the dining table to see if Ryoko had moved but he saw that she continued to sit with her back to them sipping tea.
"I'm sorry Mr. J. I can't help it. They remind me of my family." Harley sadly whispered back.
"Your family?!" Joker rasped. "Would this be the same family that turned on you? The family that abandoned you? You have no one else in this world or any other than me! You got that?!"
Harley Quinn was not always the Joker's henchwoman and punching bag. No at one time she was known as Harleen Quinzel, a up and coming psychiatrist. She graduated at the top of her class. Her mother and younger sister were so proud of her then. Her father had died when she was very young so she never had a strong male figure in her life but it didn't matter. The love of her mother and sister made up for it.
Her mother and sister naturally voiced concern when she accepted a job in Gotham working at the Arkham Institute for the Criminally Insane. But Harleen assured them she could handle whatever Arkham could throw at her.
There she met many troubled souls and some of them she managed to help find some peace in their lives. Then one day they brought in a petty criminal that had been injured in a chemical accident. A man who insisted from that point on to be called by only one word. Joker.
All the other troubled people Harleen had dealt with always started their first sessions with her the same way. Threatening to kill her, ranting and raving about how it was not their fault but someone else's, etc. Joker had been different. He came in calmly and simply sat down and placing his elbows on her desk had just looked at her for a moment. Opening his mouth he then simply said. "What's up doc?" From that point on it was funny jokes and comments from him. And unlike the others who only wanted to talk about themselves, Joker seemed interested in Harleen and really listened to her.
Harleen made the most cardinal mistake a criminal psychiatrist could make. She started to think of Joker as not a dangerous patient but almost as a friend. She began to have the guards leave the room during Joker's sessions and then really making a mistake, she started to tell Joker about her family and her personal life.
One day the Joker escaped from Arkham. Harleen had been terribly upset. Not just because a criminally insane man was on the loose but because she didn't have her friend to share her day with.
While the Joker was free another personal tragedy happened to Harleen. Her mother was killed in a strange automobile accident. While driving along a country road, her mother had for some unknown reason suddenly swerved into a tree. There had been no other vehicles involved and the police reports showed only one curious item at the scene of the accident. A child's Jack in the Box at the side of the road.
While Harleen was still grieving, the Joker was caught and returned to Arkham. Harleen of course shared her grief with him and he comforted her as much as he could.
With their mother now dead Harleen's younger sister became even more important to her. Long phone calls between the two had almost resulted in her sister agreeing to come to Gotham and sharing a apartment with her older sister. A fact that a joyous Harleen just had to share with her `friend' Joker.
A mere month before her sister was to join her, Joker escaped from Arkham again.
A worried and once again upset Harleen spent days trying to get her sister on the phone. Never being able to get her sister on the phone Harleen finally took a emergency leave and rushed to where her sister was staying. Beating on the door, she finally managed to get her sister to open it a crack and peer out at her.
Harleen tried to talk to her sister. To tell her how worried she was that Joker was on the loose and how much she was looking forward to her coming to Gotham to live with her.
Harleen being so distraught with her mother's recent death and worry about the Joker might have been excused for not noticing the sheer terror in her sister's eyes and her trembling.
But her sister's next actions easily got her attention.
Her sister screamed at her that Harleen's obsession with insane freaks was what drove their mother to her death! And that she would not be joining her in Gotham. That in fact she wanted nothing more to do with her big sister. And with that Harleen's sister slammed the door in her face.
A deeply upset and confused Harleen Quinzel went to a hotel room to give her sister a chance to cool off and calm down. The next morning, returning to her sister's apartment Harleen found the door open and the apartment empty. Her sister had moved off in the middle of the night taking nothing with her except her clothes and a few personal items. Harleen was devastated and could not understand what caused her sister to suddenly hate her. Searching the small apartment revealed nothing. Nothing except that on the small table that served as the dining table, her sister had left a solitaire game in mid play. If Harleen had stopped to examine it slightly more closely she might have seen that there was a unusual amount of joker cards laid out.
Returning to Gotham and Arkham, Harleen tried to forget her troubles by throwing herself into her work completely. She had a faint hope that her sister would someday call her and explain where she was and why she suddenly had turned on her but months passed. Eventually Joker was caught and once again returned to Arkham. This time when Harleen explained her pain and problems in her life to him, he tried to get her to see that all of life was just a cruel joke. That the only way you could handle it was laugh right back at it.
It was at this point that Harleen Quinzel made the last and most critical mistake a psychiatrist can possibly make. She listened to the Joker's theories and allowed herself to be swayed into thinking like him.
The next time the Joker escaped from Arkham it was with help. And this time he didn't leave alone.
All this flashed through Harley's mind and she responded. "I got it Mr. J."
Ryoko B deciding that their conversation was almost over with, quietly phased back through the floor and returned to her other self. Quickly she combined her selves while Joker and Harley were still in the living room and distracted. If she had stayed a moment longer she might have heard Harley's next question to the Joker.
"You aren't going to kill anyone here are you Puddin?" She asked fearfully.
"Well Harley, I don't know. I might if I decide I need a giggle or two." Joker's playful tone was gone in an instant to be replaced with the hiss he had used when he thrown Harley into the couch. "And frankly your actions today are really making me think I need some giggles. Now get into that kitchen and help that brat like you said you would before she gets suspicious!" Joker turned and adjusting the lapels on his jacket returned to the dining room table.
Harley ran by and grabbing up the few remaining dishes on the table and without looking at either Ryoko or Joker ran into the kitchen.
The Joker grinned at Ryoko and got as far as saying, "I don't think we have been introduced." When Ryoko suddenly sprang from the table and flying grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed his back into the wall behind him.
"My name is Ryoko and I don't like guys who think they can push women around!" Ryoko her eyes flashing in anger said.
The Joker tried his most innocent look. "Why my dear you have me all wrong!" He said as he shrugged her hands off his shoulders. "I am really a very nice guy once you get to know me. I'm a barrel of laughs you might say."
"Yeah. I've run into your type before! The type that thinks a good laugh is brought about by someone else's pain and misery!" Ryoko snarled. Ryoko was in a rage. Not only by Joker's treatment of Harley but because those actions stirred up painful memories of Kagato. She was not exaggerating when she told Joker she knew his type.
"My dear woman, I am not that type of man. I just enjoy bringing a smile and laugh to people's faces." Joker said still with his jolly voice. Suddenly it shifted into a sinister tone. "As matter of fact I am really going to enjoy bringing a smile to your face." He practically snarled.
Before Ryoko could try to figure out what he was insinuating, Joker's flower in his lapel sprayed a greenish gas directly into her face. Ryoko stumbled back coughing.
Joker his eyes gleaming with anticipation of watching his latest victim start to laugh their life away was shocked when Ryoko suddenly vanished as she teleported away. Stunned the Joker glanced around and then even went over to the dining room table and bent over to peer under it. "Neat trick." he muttered to himself. Hearing a slight noise he glanced up to see a curious Washu and Ayeka standing the doorway of the house watching him.
"You lose something?" Washu asked.
"Um, no. Just waiting for you to get back so we can resume testing. Can't wait to get back to my own home dimension."
Washu nodded her head and motioning for Joker to follow her, lead him to her lab.
As soon as Joker stepped through the doorway into Washu's lab, the metallic tendrils once again grabbed him up.
"Hey! You said at lunch that you didn't need to use these things the next time!" Joker snarled as he found himself helpless once again.
"If I told you the truth you wouldn't have come back in here, now would you?" Washu grinned up at him. "Don't worry we are almost done." she added.
Washu was turning to face her keyboard when out of the corner of her eye she saw Ryoko teleport into her lab behind Joker and silently holding her throat as if she was gagging. Reaching out she quickly tapped a few keys on her keyboard. A smaller tendril slipped down from the ceiling of the room and touching Joker on the back of the neck gave him a painless electric shock knocking him out instantly. Having dealt temporarily with Joker, Washu turned worriedly to her daughter Ryoko.
"Little Ryoko! What's wrong?!" She cried as she ran over to the slumped woman. Just as Washu was about to reach her Ryoko managed to croak out. "He sprayed me with something." Washu immediately pulled to a stop and summoning her keyboard rapidly typed. Ryoko felt herself gently lifted up till she was floating upright above the floor. Silently a glass tube rose out of the floor till Ryoko was floating in it's center. As soon as the tube had Ryoko completely covered a large metal donut like contraption came down from the ceiling. It was just large enough to go over the outside of the tube and as it slowly swept past the top of Ryoko's head a light shined from it's inner surface. The donut continued downward until it reached Ryoko's feet.
"What is this thing?!" A nervous and still slightly coughing Ryoko asked.
"It's a medical scanner. My latest model." Washu told her as she studied the readouts on her holo computer.
Ryoko looked in confusion at the metal tendrils that held the unconscious Joker. "But I thought that was the only..." Ryoko paused and shaking her head looked back at Washu. "You know Washu, sometimes you are just down right kinky."
Washu allowed a brief smile to appear. "If I made it look too easy, everyone would come to me when they had the slightest sniffle. Got to keep them a little uneasy around me don't I?"
"Yeah sure. I think you just like having people tied up around you. Admit it Washu. You are a pervert." Ryoko snorted.
Washu frowned at the information coming across the screen of her holo computer and glancing over to where the Joker hung limply she shook her head. "What a vile evil man!"
"What is it? What did he spray me with? Is it dangerous?" Ryoko asked.
"To you? No. You are not human Ryoko. The gas wouldn't have any effect on Sasami, Ayeka, Mihoshi or myself either for that same reason. Different body chemistry than earthlings." Washu said glancing at her daughter. "Now on someone like Tenchi it might, considering he is partly human and this chemical compound would definitely work on his father."
"And do what?!" Ryoko nearly shouted in frustration. "What was this stuff suppose to do to me? Besides make me queasy at my stomach and cough, that is."
"This chemical compound is very unique. I have never seen its type before." Washu realizing that her daughter's patience was wearing thin decided she better hurry with the explanations. "It induces it's victims into a laughing fit...."
"It's just laughing gas?" Ryoko asked relieved. "That's not too bad then."
"It's a laughing gas that kills, Little Ryoko." Washu told her solemnly. "The gas if used on a normal earthling would cause him to laugh hysterically until he could not draw a breath. The chemical also causes spasms of the facial muscles and paralysis." Washu studied the readouts on the screen for a moment. "A normal earthling would die in a matter of a few moments from lack of oxygen. Their facial muscles then would draw back in a hideous smile." Washu shuddered. "I have seen some cruel ways of killing but this one is entirely new to me. Making your victims laugh at their own death and leave their bodies frozen with a smile."
Washu tapped a few keys and from the bottom of Ryoko's tube a blue gas started to spray up.
"Hey! What is this stuff now?!" Ryoko yelled angrily at her.
"It's a nullifying agent for that chemical. As I said before it doesn't have any effect on you but if you were to hug Tenchi for example, the chemical residue might be enough to kill him."
Ryoko's eyes widen in shock at the realization that she could have accidently killed Tenchi. They then widen with a new expression. One of pure rage. "That grinning maniac tried to kill me?!"
Washu her own face grim with anger nodded her head. "Yes. He couldn't have had any idea that his gas would not work on you. It's obvious that he fully expected you to die from the gas."
Ryoko with a snarl of rage tried to teleport out of the glass tube to get her hands on Joker but found she could not. "Hey! This stuff is stopping my powers!" She yelled.
"No Ryoko. I am stopping you from using your powers." Washu explained. "I can't let you harm Joker. As much as I would like to." Washu finished quietly.
"Why not! He tried to kill me!" Ryoko screamed at her as she pounded on the inside of the glass tube.
"Yes but you know how Tenchi is. He would insist that he heard Joker's side before he would allow anything to be done." Washu tried to reason with her daughter.
Ryoko stopped her beating on the tube and looked at Washu sadly. "You are saying that Tenchi would believe some lame excuse of Joker's over me?"
Washu shook her head violently no. "No. I am not saying that at all! Tenchi would believe you. I haven't the slightest doubt of that. It's just that we both know that if Tenchi has any weaknesses it is his overwhelming kindness. He would either try to rehabilitate Joker on his own or insist that the proper authorities take care of the matter. And frankly I don't think either Tenchi or the local earth authorities are capable of handling this man."
Ryoko calming down nodded her head. "Yeah I guess your right. So what do we do?" She asked leaning casually on the glass tube.
"I am going to keep Joker here unconscious until I determine his home dimension and then we are going to throw his worthless hide into a portal and be done with him. I want you to keep an eye on Harley Quinn. Learn anything you can from her Ryoko but don't let her get suspicious or harm anyone." Washu then tapped a key on her keyboard. Ryoko feeling a subtle shift in her body, teleported out of the tube. Reappearing before Joker she caused her energy sword to appear in her hand and glaring up at the limply hanging Joker she said out loud. "Another time clown!" She then allowed the sword to fade away and with a nod at Washu she teleported out of the lab.
Reappearing a few moments later in Tenchi's kitchen, Ryoko glanced around. Not spotting Sasami or Harley, she quickly realized that they must have already left for the temple to watch Tenchi spar with his grandfather. "Great." Ryoko thought to herself. "Now when I show up, I'll have to listen to Ayeka make some nasty comment about how I must not be that interested in watching Tenchi. Not too mention that Quinn might be suspicious why I took so long."
Ryoko suddenly got a grin on her face. Opening a kitchen cabinet she quickly pulled out a large bottle of saki and some saki cups. Ryoko started to teleport but stopped herself. Reaching over she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade for Sasami. Holding it in her arms with the other stuff she then teleported.
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.
Thank you and please enjoy the story.
Tenchi meets The Joker
By weirdbard
Chapter 5. Dark Knights and Darker Memories.
Meanwhile back in Gotham:
A darker shadow moved among the dark gloom of a empty warehouse. A light from a flashlight clicks on and swings around for a moment. The shadow hearing a noise, snaps off the flashlight and waits silently in the dark. A smaller shadow enters the room and heads unknowingly towards the larger one. Hearing the slight hiss of a cape moving in a errant gust of wind, the smaller shadow pauses too.
Suddenly two flashlights click on at the same time.
The smaller shadow's light catches the larger one fully. In the light revealed is a figure dressed entirely in grey and black. The head completely covered by a spiky helmet suggesting either horns or ears. On its chest a emblem of a flying bat can be seen.
Batman's flashlight reveals a figure similarly dressed as he is but smaller and obviously a female.
"Batman?" The woman states in a half question.
"Batgirl." The dark figure acknowledges with a nod. "What are you doing here?"
"Tracing the path of a mysterious power surge that knocked out lights and electrical services for miles around here. You?" Batgirl answers.
"The Batcomputer was set up to monitor for sonic disturbances and pinpointed one coming from this location." Batman explains. Hearing a noise both Batman and Batgirl swing their lights around towards the main doors of the warehouse and caught Robin coming in carrying a large gray metal box in his arms.
"Hey you mind?" Robin grumbles as he squints against the glare.
"Sorry." Batgirl says and then using her flashlight she lights Robin's way as he carries the large box and sits it down next to the main powerleads for the building. "What's the box?" She finally asks, her curiosity finally getting the better of her.
"Its a power generator from the Batmobile. I'll hook it up the power cables here and we will have the warehouses lights back on in a moment." Robin mutters as he examines the nest of cables coming out of the circuit box.
"Be careful Robin. Make sure you only hook up power to the lights. We don't know what machine was putting out the sonic signals the batcomputer picked up. We don't want to accidentally turn it on by mistake." Batman says as he examines a black smudge mark on the floor with his flashlight.
"Give me some credit Batman." Robin points out old power cables to Batgirl. "These lines here are obviously from when the factory was first built. So they are the lights. While this cable here." Robin says pointing at a obviously new cable that came out of the circuit box and snaked it's way across the floor. "Is obviously a new one someone installed recently." Making the final connections to the older power lines Robin pushed a button on the gray metal box and with a high pitched whine it kicks on. The lights in the old factory flicker for a moment and then spring on fully.
"I think we can safely assume who it was that stole those computer and sonic equipment parts Robin." Batman says looking at the giant punching bag clown leaning drunkenly on its raised platform.
"The Joker?" Batgirl asks unnecessarily. "What computer and sonic parts by the way?"
Robin answers her. "For the last couple of weeks, robberies have occurred at several of Gotham's major electrical supply firms. Batman programmed the batcomputer with what was stolen and the computer hypothesized that the equipment could be used to make a sonic weapon of some type."
"Ah. So that is why you had the Batcomputer searching for sonic signals?"
Robin nodded and the went over to the nearest computer console. "The question is, if this stuff was made to be some kind of weapon. Why hasn't the Joker used it and where is the Joker and Harley Quinn now?"
Batman examining the layout of the machines flipped open a concealed hinge on the back of one of his gauntlets and was busy typing on a micro keyboard hidden inside. Robin watched patiently. "So, the Batcomputer have any idea what this stuff was meant to do?" He finally asked.
Batman nodded his head. "The computer assigns a 95% probability that with equipment laid out in this manner, the machine was designed to put out a sonic wave meant to induce people into fatal hysterical laughter."
Batgirl shivered slightly. "Well in that case, why are we all still alive?"
Batman frowning bent over one of the computer consoles and examined a pile of circuit boards laying beside it. "That is a good question."
Robin climbing the short flight of stairs was examining the clown part of the machine. Turning he glanced back down to where Batgirl was standing beside Batman at the computer console with the open panel.
"Okay. How's this for a possible explanation? The Joker makes his killer machine but doesn't bother to explain what it does to Quinn. She finds out and freaks?"
Batgirl looks up at Robin and in a imitation of Harley Quinn's voice says. "Oh Mr. J. what a great machine. What does it do?"
Robin playing along answers back in his own imitation of the Joker's voice. "Why Harley girl it kills people with laughter."
Batgirl answers back. "Gee, that's nice." And then turning to the console beside her mimics the motion of frantically jerking circuit cards out of it.
Robin looks over to where Batman is standing with his arms folded watching the two of them. "What do you think?"
"I think your imitations of Joker and Harley need work but I also think you maybe right." He replied dryly.
"So what happened to Joker and Harley?" Robin repeated his earlier question. "You think Harley took off running after sabotaging Joker's machine and he went after her and just left the machine?"
Batman frowning opened his gauntlet computer control again and picking up the circuit cards on the ground rapidly typed. Robin and Batgirl were left to stand and look at one another wondering for several moments.
Robin could see Batman's eyes suddenly widen with whatever information the Batcomputer responded with. "What is it?" He finally asked.
"The Batcomputer hypothesize that if the sonic device was ran with these cards removed from it, it could possibly generate a dimensional portal.
"You mean Joker and Harley Quinn ended up being sent..... somewhere else?" Batgirl asked.
"It's possible." Batman said. "The computer offers a 68% probability that is what happened."
Robin blinked a few times. "Well then, that is good news isn't it? That means Joker and Quinn are out of our hair for good!"
Batman looked thoughtful for a moment. "No. We have to recreate the portal and go and get them."
"What?!" Both Robin and Batgirl asked shocked.
"The Joker and Quinn are our dimension's problems. We can't just let them be dumped on someone else who has no idea how dangerous those two can be! We will have to hook up this machine to the generator and open a portal. I will go after Joker and when I catch him bring him back to face justice here." Batman stated.
"But Batman! You don't even know if a portal was created. Its also possible that the machine vaporized Joker and Quinn and if you try it, it could do the same to you!" Robin shouted.
"Or its also possible that even if they were sent to another dimension that the inhabitants of that dimension are even a worse menace than even the Joker!" Batgirl also added.
"Make the hookups Robin." Batman said and then turning to look at Batgirl he added. "Can you really think of anyone who could be a worse menace than the Joker?"
Meanwhile back at Tenchi's house:
Joker watched in wonder as Harley leapt to her feet to help Sasami clean the dishes from the table.
"That's not necessary Harley." Sasami said. "You are a guest here. I can do the dishes myself."
"I want to help! Besides, if I give you a hand you can get done quicker. You want to watch Tenchi practice too don't you?" Harley said with a smile. A genuine friendly smile.
Tenchi and his grandfather Yosho getting up, nodded to everyone and said they were going to head on up to the temple. Tenchi assured everyone they would not start the training however till everyone arrived. Everyone except Washu and Joker of course.
Washu made a motion with her eyes to Ayeka letting her know she wanted to talk to her outside for a moment. Ayeka made a slight nod of her head and the two of them walked out the front door. Ryoko decided that Washu probably wanted to warn Ayeka to be on her guard around Joker and Harley. Ryoko watched as Sasami picking up a pile of the dishes and went into the kitchen leaving Ryoko, Harley and Joker alone in the dining room for a moment.
Joker dismissing Ryoko's presence reached out and cruelly grabbed Harley by the arm as she started to head to the kitchen after Sasami. Harley with practiced ease kept from crying out as Joker jerked her into the living room.
While Joker and Harley had their backs to her, Ryoko quickly did her `split into two separate beings' trick. One of her stayed at the dining room table with her back to them while the other one quickly phased through the floor to reappear behind the living room couch crouched down. Ryoko B could feel a moment later as the couch shifted backwards as Harley was thrown into it.
"Harley girl!" Ryoko B heard Joker hiss hatefully but quietly at Quinn. "What do you think you are doing getting so friendly with these rubes?!" Joker looked over to the dining table to see if Ryoko had moved but he saw that she continued to sit with her back to them sipping tea.
"I'm sorry Mr. J. I can't help it. They remind me of my family." Harley sadly whispered back.
"Your family?!" Joker rasped. "Would this be the same family that turned on you? The family that abandoned you? You have no one else in this world or any other than me! You got that?!"
Harley Quinn was not always the Joker's henchwoman and punching bag. No at one time she was known as Harleen Quinzel, a up and coming psychiatrist. She graduated at the top of her class. Her mother and younger sister were so proud of her then. Her father had died when she was very young so she never had a strong male figure in her life but it didn't matter. The love of her mother and sister made up for it.
Her mother and sister naturally voiced concern when she accepted a job in Gotham working at the Arkham Institute for the Criminally Insane. But Harleen assured them she could handle whatever Arkham could throw at her.
There she met many troubled souls and some of them she managed to help find some peace in their lives. Then one day they brought in a petty criminal that had been injured in a chemical accident. A man who insisted from that point on to be called by only one word. Joker.
All the other troubled people Harleen had dealt with always started their first sessions with her the same way. Threatening to kill her, ranting and raving about how it was not their fault but someone else's, etc. Joker had been different. He came in calmly and simply sat down and placing his elbows on her desk had just looked at her for a moment. Opening his mouth he then simply said. "What's up doc?" From that point on it was funny jokes and comments from him. And unlike the others who only wanted to talk about themselves, Joker seemed interested in Harleen and really listened to her.
Harleen made the most cardinal mistake a criminal psychiatrist could make. She started to think of Joker as not a dangerous patient but almost as a friend. She began to have the guards leave the room during Joker's sessions and then really making a mistake, she started to tell Joker about her family and her personal life.
One day the Joker escaped from Arkham. Harleen had been terribly upset. Not just because a criminally insane man was on the loose but because she didn't have her friend to share her day with.
While the Joker was free another personal tragedy happened to Harleen. Her mother was killed in a strange automobile accident. While driving along a country road, her mother had for some unknown reason suddenly swerved into a tree. There had been no other vehicles involved and the police reports showed only one curious item at the scene of the accident. A child's Jack in the Box at the side of the road.
While Harleen was still grieving, the Joker was caught and returned to Arkham. Harleen of course shared her grief with him and he comforted her as much as he could.
With their mother now dead Harleen's younger sister became even more important to her. Long phone calls between the two had almost resulted in her sister agreeing to come to Gotham and sharing a apartment with her older sister. A fact that a joyous Harleen just had to share with her `friend' Joker.
A mere month before her sister was to join her, Joker escaped from Arkham again.
A worried and once again upset Harleen spent days trying to get her sister on the phone. Never being able to get her sister on the phone Harleen finally took a emergency leave and rushed to where her sister was staying. Beating on the door, she finally managed to get her sister to open it a crack and peer out at her.
Harleen tried to talk to her sister. To tell her how worried she was that Joker was on the loose and how much she was looking forward to her coming to Gotham to live with her.
Harleen being so distraught with her mother's recent death and worry about the Joker might have been excused for not noticing the sheer terror in her sister's eyes and her trembling.
But her sister's next actions easily got her attention.
Her sister screamed at her that Harleen's obsession with insane freaks was what drove their mother to her death! And that she would not be joining her in Gotham. That in fact she wanted nothing more to do with her big sister. And with that Harleen's sister slammed the door in her face.
A deeply upset and confused Harleen Quinzel went to a hotel room to give her sister a chance to cool off and calm down. The next morning, returning to her sister's apartment Harleen found the door open and the apartment empty. Her sister had moved off in the middle of the night taking nothing with her except her clothes and a few personal items. Harleen was devastated and could not understand what caused her sister to suddenly hate her. Searching the small apartment revealed nothing. Nothing except that on the small table that served as the dining table, her sister had left a solitaire game in mid play. If Harleen had stopped to examine it slightly more closely she might have seen that there was a unusual amount of joker cards laid out.
Returning to Gotham and Arkham, Harleen tried to forget her troubles by throwing herself into her work completely. She had a faint hope that her sister would someday call her and explain where she was and why she suddenly had turned on her but months passed. Eventually Joker was caught and once again returned to Arkham. This time when Harleen explained her pain and problems in her life to him, he tried to get her to see that all of life was just a cruel joke. That the only way you could handle it was laugh right back at it.
It was at this point that Harleen Quinzel made the last and most critical mistake a psychiatrist can possibly make. She listened to the Joker's theories and allowed herself to be swayed into thinking like him.
The next time the Joker escaped from Arkham it was with help. And this time he didn't leave alone.
All this flashed through Harley's mind and she responded. "I got it Mr. J."
Ryoko B deciding that their conversation was almost over with, quietly phased back through the floor and returned to her other self. Quickly she combined her selves while Joker and Harley were still in the living room and distracted. If she had stayed a moment longer she might have heard Harley's next question to the Joker.
"You aren't going to kill anyone here are you Puddin?" She asked fearfully.
"Well Harley, I don't know. I might if I decide I need a giggle or two." Joker's playful tone was gone in an instant to be replaced with the hiss he had used when he thrown Harley into the couch. "And frankly your actions today are really making me think I need some giggles. Now get into that kitchen and help that brat like you said you would before she gets suspicious!" Joker turned and adjusting the lapels on his jacket returned to the dining room table.
Harley ran by and grabbing up the few remaining dishes on the table and without looking at either Ryoko or Joker ran into the kitchen.
The Joker grinned at Ryoko and got as far as saying, "I don't think we have been introduced." When Ryoko suddenly sprang from the table and flying grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed his back into the wall behind him.
"My name is Ryoko and I don't like guys who think they can push women around!" Ryoko her eyes flashing in anger said.
The Joker tried his most innocent look. "Why my dear you have me all wrong!" He said as he shrugged her hands off his shoulders. "I am really a very nice guy once you get to know me. I'm a barrel of laughs you might say."
"Yeah. I've run into your type before! The type that thinks a good laugh is brought about by someone else's pain and misery!" Ryoko snarled. Ryoko was in a rage. Not only by Joker's treatment of Harley but because those actions stirred up painful memories of Kagato. She was not exaggerating when she told Joker she knew his type.
"My dear woman, I am not that type of man. I just enjoy bringing a smile and laugh to people's faces." Joker said still with his jolly voice. Suddenly it shifted into a sinister tone. "As matter of fact I am really going to enjoy bringing a smile to your face." He practically snarled.
Before Ryoko could try to figure out what he was insinuating, Joker's flower in his lapel sprayed a greenish gas directly into her face. Ryoko stumbled back coughing.
Joker his eyes gleaming with anticipation of watching his latest victim start to laugh their life away was shocked when Ryoko suddenly vanished as she teleported away. Stunned the Joker glanced around and then even went over to the dining room table and bent over to peer under it. "Neat trick." he muttered to himself. Hearing a slight noise he glanced up to see a curious Washu and Ayeka standing the doorway of the house watching him.
"You lose something?" Washu asked.
"Um, no. Just waiting for you to get back so we can resume testing. Can't wait to get back to my own home dimension."
Washu nodded her head and motioning for Joker to follow her, lead him to her lab.
As soon as Joker stepped through the doorway into Washu's lab, the metallic tendrils once again grabbed him up.
"Hey! You said at lunch that you didn't need to use these things the next time!" Joker snarled as he found himself helpless once again.
"If I told you the truth you wouldn't have come back in here, now would you?" Washu grinned up at him. "Don't worry we are almost done." she added.
Washu was turning to face her keyboard when out of the corner of her eye she saw Ryoko teleport into her lab behind Joker and silently holding her throat as if she was gagging. Reaching out she quickly tapped a few keys on her keyboard. A smaller tendril slipped down from the ceiling of the room and touching Joker on the back of the neck gave him a painless electric shock knocking him out instantly. Having dealt temporarily with Joker, Washu turned worriedly to her daughter Ryoko.
"Little Ryoko! What's wrong?!" She cried as she ran over to the slumped woman. Just as Washu was about to reach her Ryoko managed to croak out. "He sprayed me with something." Washu immediately pulled to a stop and summoning her keyboard rapidly typed. Ryoko felt herself gently lifted up till she was floating upright above the floor. Silently a glass tube rose out of the floor till Ryoko was floating in it's center. As soon as the tube had Ryoko completely covered a large metal donut like contraption came down from the ceiling. It was just large enough to go over the outside of the tube and as it slowly swept past the top of Ryoko's head a light shined from it's inner surface. The donut continued downward until it reached Ryoko's feet.
"What is this thing?!" A nervous and still slightly coughing Ryoko asked.
"It's a medical scanner. My latest model." Washu told her as she studied the readouts on her holo computer.
Ryoko looked in confusion at the metal tendrils that held the unconscious Joker. "But I thought that was the only..." Ryoko paused and shaking her head looked back at Washu. "You know Washu, sometimes you are just down right kinky."
Washu allowed a brief smile to appear. "If I made it look too easy, everyone would come to me when they had the slightest sniffle. Got to keep them a little uneasy around me don't I?"
"Yeah sure. I think you just like having people tied up around you. Admit it Washu. You are a pervert." Ryoko snorted.
Washu frowned at the information coming across the screen of her holo computer and glancing over to where the Joker hung limply she shook her head. "What a vile evil man!"
"What is it? What did he spray me with? Is it dangerous?" Ryoko asked.
"To you? No. You are not human Ryoko. The gas wouldn't have any effect on Sasami, Ayeka, Mihoshi or myself either for that same reason. Different body chemistry than earthlings." Washu said glancing at her daughter. "Now on someone like Tenchi it might, considering he is partly human and this chemical compound would definitely work on his father."
"And do what?!" Ryoko nearly shouted in frustration. "What was this stuff suppose to do to me? Besides make me queasy at my stomach and cough, that is."
"This chemical compound is very unique. I have never seen its type before." Washu realizing that her daughter's patience was wearing thin decided she better hurry with the explanations. "It induces it's victims into a laughing fit...."
"It's just laughing gas?" Ryoko asked relieved. "That's not too bad then."
"It's a laughing gas that kills, Little Ryoko." Washu told her solemnly. "The gas if used on a normal earthling would cause him to laugh hysterically until he could not draw a breath. The chemical also causes spasms of the facial muscles and paralysis." Washu studied the readouts on the screen for a moment. "A normal earthling would die in a matter of a few moments from lack of oxygen. Their facial muscles then would draw back in a hideous smile." Washu shuddered. "I have seen some cruel ways of killing but this one is entirely new to me. Making your victims laugh at their own death and leave their bodies frozen with a smile."
Washu tapped a few keys and from the bottom of Ryoko's tube a blue gas started to spray up.
"Hey! What is this stuff now?!" Ryoko yelled angrily at her.
"It's a nullifying agent for that chemical. As I said before it doesn't have any effect on you but if you were to hug Tenchi for example, the chemical residue might be enough to kill him."
Ryoko's eyes widen in shock at the realization that she could have accidently killed Tenchi. They then widen with a new expression. One of pure rage. "That grinning maniac tried to kill me?!"
Washu her own face grim with anger nodded her head. "Yes. He couldn't have had any idea that his gas would not work on you. It's obvious that he fully expected you to die from the gas."
Ryoko with a snarl of rage tried to teleport out of the glass tube to get her hands on Joker but found she could not. "Hey! This stuff is stopping my powers!" She yelled.
"No Ryoko. I am stopping you from using your powers." Washu explained. "I can't let you harm Joker. As much as I would like to." Washu finished quietly.
"Why not! He tried to kill me!" Ryoko screamed at her as she pounded on the inside of the glass tube.
"Yes but you know how Tenchi is. He would insist that he heard Joker's side before he would allow anything to be done." Washu tried to reason with her daughter.
Ryoko stopped her beating on the tube and looked at Washu sadly. "You are saying that Tenchi would believe some lame excuse of Joker's over me?"
Washu shook her head violently no. "No. I am not saying that at all! Tenchi would believe you. I haven't the slightest doubt of that. It's just that we both know that if Tenchi has any weaknesses it is his overwhelming kindness. He would either try to rehabilitate Joker on his own or insist that the proper authorities take care of the matter. And frankly I don't think either Tenchi or the local earth authorities are capable of handling this man."
Ryoko calming down nodded her head. "Yeah I guess your right. So what do we do?" She asked leaning casually on the glass tube.
"I am going to keep Joker here unconscious until I determine his home dimension and then we are going to throw his worthless hide into a portal and be done with him. I want you to keep an eye on Harley Quinn. Learn anything you can from her Ryoko but don't let her get suspicious or harm anyone." Washu then tapped a key on her keyboard. Ryoko feeling a subtle shift in her body, teleported out of the tube. Reappearing before Joker she caused her energy sword to appear in her hand and glaring up at the limply hanging Joker she said out loud. "Another time clown!" She then allowed the sword to fade away and with a nod at Washu she teleported out of the lab.
Reappearing a few moments later in Tenchi's kitchen, Ryoko glanced around. Not spotting Sasami or Harley, she quickly realized that they must have already left for the temple to watch Tenchi spar with his grandfather. "Great." Ryoko thought to herself. "Now when I show up, I'll have to listen to Ayeka make some nasty comment about how I must not be that interested in watching Tenchi. Not too mention that Quinn might be suspicious why I took so long."
Ryoko suddenly got a grin on her face. Opening a kitchen cabinet she quickly pulled out a large bottle of saki and some saki cups. Ryoko started to teleport but stopped herself. Reaching over she opened the refrigerator and pulled out a pitcher of lemonade for Sasami. Holding it in her arms with the other stuff she then teleported.