Obligatory disclaimers: I do not own Tenchi Muyo or any of the characters contained there in. I do not own Batman or any of the characters contained there in. The characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators. No profits are being made from this fanfic and it's sole intention is bring (possible) enjoyment to those who read it.
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.
Thank you and please enjoy the story.
Tenchi meets The Joker
by Weirdbard
Chapter 7. Goodbyes Are No Laughing Matter.
As Tenchi ran back up the stairs toward the shrine, his thoughts were all of concern for his Grandfather's safety. Oh he knew that Yosho was more than a match for Joker in a fair fight but Joker had already proven that he was anything but a fair fighter.
"We would be almost at the bottom of the stairs before Joker attacked us." Tenchi grumbled to himself as he concentrated on keeping an eye on the surrounding forest on either side of the stairs as he ran.
So worried and intently was he concentrating on getting back to the shrine to warn his grandfather he didn't even consciously notice the strange looking pillow sitting on one of the stair steps until he stepped on it.
At the bottom of the stairs Ryoko and Ayeka were arguing. "I am going to go join Tenchi!" Ayeka declared and turned to hurry up the stairs. She was brought to abrupt halt as she ran into Ryoko's arm as she blocked her path.
"He said he wanted us to go to the house Princess!"
"I would never expect you to be one for running from a fight." Ayeka snapped at Ryoko but stopped when she saw the tears running out Ryoko's eyes.
"Don't make this any harder than it is Princess! Every fiber of my being wants to go to Tenchi's side and protect him. But he asked us to get to the house to safety so he would not worry about us." Ryoko squared her shoulders. "And that is what we are going to do!" Ryoko herded the women towards the house. Just as they reached the house they heard a explosion from the direction of the shrine stairs.
Tenchi blinked several times and finally realized that he was hovering in mid air horizontally above the steps of the stairway. Shaking his head a few times to clear it of mental cobwebs he noticed that his lighthawk wings had formed a protective bubble around him and that was what was holding him up off the stairway. Twisting he managed to get back to a upright position and glanced back behind him. Several yards away one of the steps to the stairway to the shrine was gone and there was now a small crater where it had been.
Tenchi recalled seeing a small bright flash and then a much larger one. "Wow. Joker must have planted a bomb on the steps and I stepped on it." He thought to himself. "My lighthawk wings saved me! I guess all that training Grandfather has been making me do must have paid off. I reacted without even thinking about it."
Tenchi glanced around and tried to extend his senses the way his Grandfather had always instructed him to do. He could sense no one around so he allowed his lighthawk wings to dissipate and lightly deposit him back to the stairs. "Grandfather! That's right! I have to warn him! I just hope he heard the explosion and it puts him on guard! Not that Grandfather is ever off his guard." Tenchi reassured himself as he started to run up the stairs again. This time keeping one eye on the steps in front of him as well as the forest.
Washu came out of the house at the moment of the explosion. Quickly opening her holotop computer she scanned the area.
Ryoko and Ayeka were deathly still. All color had fled from their faces as they thought about what the explosion might mean. Sasami was shaking and Mihoshi had started crying.
"Its okay! Tenchi is alright. My scanner shows him continuing to move up the stairs. He's almost at the top of them now." Washu reassured them all.
Ayeka and Ryoko began breathing again at the news.
"Can you find out where the Joker is with that?" Ryoko asked her.
"Yes, now I can. I had just finished with the adjustments to my external scanners to locate him when I came out." Washu replied and pressed a few buttons. "He's at the top of the stairs very near Tenchi's location." Washu told them with a frown.
"That's it! I am going to help Tenchi!" Ryoko shouted.
"No you are not Ryoko." Washu told her. "Tenchi wants to face this challenge on his own. You interfere and he will resent it. He'll think you believe he is a child that has to be protected and not a man."
"Besides he gave us explicit instructions to stay here." Mihoshi added.
Harley looked at the worried and frowning women. "Well I am going. I was never much for following instructions."
Harley took one step and then stopped as she saw that Mihoshi had her galaxy patrol blaster pointed at her. "No you are not! You by your own admission are the Joker's side kick therefore you are a criminal and I am placing you under arrest!"
Harley looked sadly at Mihoshi and then turning her back on her she said over her shoulder. "I'm going Mihoshi and the only way you can stop me is to shoot me."
With deliberate steps Harley started to walk away from Mihoshi towards Ayeka and Ryoko.
Mihoshi continued to hold her gun on her for a moment and then dropped her hand. She liked Harley and couldn't bring herself to fire on her. In any case she would never be able to shoot someone in the back.
"That might work on Mihoshi but you aren't getting by me!" Ryoko told her.
"Or myself." Ayeka also stated.
Harley put on a burst of speed as if she was going to try and push her way past Ayeka and Ryoko and at the last moment leaped into the air in a twisting forward flip over them, the shirt she was wearing flapping slightly in the wind and landed behind them. Without pause she took off running as fast as she could.
"Why that little..." Ryoko muttered and started to phase out to reappear in front of her but was stopped when Washu grabbed her by the arm. "Let her go." Was all Washu said.
"Excuse me Miss Washu but are you out of your mind?" Ayeka yelled at her. "We can't go to Tenchi's rescue but you are allowing Joker's ally to go?"
Washu turned calmly to Ayeka and said. "Just as this is a important moment in Tenchi's life. The chance to prove to himself that he can protect his home and his family. This is also a important turning point in Harley Quinn's life as well. The moment when she finally decides for herself where her destiny lies. To be the Joker's faithful punching bag or to defend someone she cares about."
"But what if she makes the wrong decision?" Sasami worriedly asked Washu.
"You know Washu?" Ryoko said with a crafty look on her face. "Tenchi only sent us back to the house because we didn't know where Joker might be and to keep an eye on Harley Quinn. Well now both of those conditions are gone. We know where the Joker is and Harley is gone, so there is no real reason why we should hang around here now is there?"
Washu looked at her daughter. "That is very good reasoning little Ryoko. I am proud of you." Washu looked at the rest of the girls. "We'll go to where Yosho is. Just don't interfere with Tenchi and his fight with Joker!" She warned them and tapped some keys on her keyboard to locate Yosho's position.
"Hmm, this is odd." Washu muttered. "There is someone with Yosho and according to this he is not from this dimension."
"What?!" Ayeka shouted. "Not the Joker or Harley but another new one?!"
Washu nodded her head. "My scanners tell me that Yosho and this newcomer are at the shrine's office." Washu pressed a key on your computer. "And Tenchi and Joker are.... They are heading towards the cave Ryoko was imprisoned in."
Ryoko came up behind Washu and bending at the waist she looked over her shoulder. She could see on the display a tiny circle with a J in it being followed by a circle witth a T in it. "Joker's blip looks like he is slightly ahead of Tenchi. Almost as if he was..."
"Leading Tenchi toward the rock out cropping that your cave is in." Washu finished for her. "Joker is trying to lead Tenchi into an ambush situation. Come on let's go to Yosho and find out who this new person is." Washu added after a moment and typing for a moment she opened a floating portal.
"I can't believe you Washu!" Ryoko snarled. "I say we go to Tenchi's help. Who cares who this new person is? You are not the least bit worried about Tenchi at all are you?!"
Washu didn't comment but just walked into the portal. "I care very much daughter but I realize something you don't. Everyday Tenchi is becoming more and more indecisive because he believes he has no control over anything in his life. If we suddenly pop in and defeat Joker for him, Tenchi will just give up trying. I really don't think you want a man with no will of his own, do you daughter? I know I don't." Washu thought to herself. "Besides, I have rigged several scanners and have them locked on his life signs. The slightest thing goes wrong I will know it immediately. And then nothing will stop me from coming to Tenchi's aid and destroying that insane clown!"
Ryoko watched Washu walk calmly into the portal and then shot a frustrated look at Ayeka. Ayeka didn't like it any more than Ryoko did but she shrugged and walked into the portal as well.
Sasami yelled, "wait for me!" and dove into the portal after her sister. Mihoshi ran into the portal a moment later leaving a frustrated and angry Ryoko standing alone. "Oh all right!" Ryoko yelled. "But nothing better happen to Tenchi!" And with that she dove into the portal as well.
As soon as Ryoko entered the portal it closed with a soft plop.
Tenchi was confused but at the same time pleased to see that Joker was not heading toward his Grandfather's shrine but seem to be heading toward the rocky outcropping that contained Ryoko's cave. "What could he possibly want up there?" Tenchi wondered to himself. Never realizing that the Joker was succeeding at what he was trying to accomplish. Mostly separating Tenchi from the others and finding a spot where he could get the higher ground so as to see Tenchi coming and ambush him.
Tenchi knew that the Joker was still ahead of him because every now and then his maniacal laughter would float back to taunt him.
Suddenly Tenchi skidded to a stop as the words of his Grandfather echoed in his memory. "If you can choose the battlefield for a fight, always do so. If you can't choose the battlefield then choose the time. If you can do neither then at least know your opponent and his weaknesses. If you can do none of these things then you must ask yourself, should I really fight at this time?"
"I am letting the Joker not only choose where we fight but when." Tenchi realized. "I also know really nothing about the Joker's strengths or his weaknesses."
Tenchi looked in the direction that he had last heard Joker's laughter coming from. It was now quiet. "Its too dangerous to follow him blindly like this." Tenchi muttered out loud to himself. "I should go back to the others and have Washu help me locate him and then make plans on how to capture him. All I really know about him is that he is a very dangerous individual."
"Very wise of you boy. Pity the wisdom came too late to be of any use to you." Joker's voice called out from the trees to the left of Tenchi.
As Tenchi quickly turned to face the direction the voice came from he spotted out of the corner of his eye two small marble like objects flying towards him. Reacting instinctively, he lashed out with a lighthawk wing sword splitting the objects in mid air. Unfortunately, this only caused the Joker gas contained in them to billow into his face. Before he could stop himself Tenchi took a shocked deep breath, inhaling the gas.
Washu blinked several times as she came out of the dimensional portal into the shrine's office and found Yosho calmly talking with a man dressed in some outlandish black armor.
"Ah Washu. I was just telling our guest here that you have the Joker safely tied up in your lab. We were just about to have some tea and then come to your lab to collect him." Yosho stated.
Washu opened her mouth to answer but was stopped as Ayeka popped out of the portal behind her and bumped into her.
"Oh I'm sorry Washu. I....." Ayeka broke off in mid apology as she spotted Batman. "Oh my!" She said.
Washu once again opened her mouth to explain that she had lost the Joker when Sasami bumped into her and Ayeka. As Washu tried once again to open her mouth, Mihoshi came barreling out of the portal and knocked them all off their feet. A moment later Ryoko came flying out of the portal and crashed into the pile. "Hey! What's the idea of standing right in front of the portal?" Ryoko yelled as she tried to disentangle herself from the pile that contained Washu, Ayeka, Mihoshi and Sasami. Ryoko looking up spotted a bemused Batman watching them.
"Hey who is the weirdo in the halloween costume?" Ryoko asked as she finally gave up on freeing herself physcially from the pile up and just phased out to reappear standing a few feet away.
Bruce Wayne allowed a unseen eyebrow to go up. "She's calling me a weirdo?" He thought to himself.
"Ryoko! Batman here represents the law in his dimension and he is a guest! Show him some respect!" Yosho barked at her.
"He's a cop?!" Ryoko asked in amasement.
"Not exactly." Batman's deep voice answered her.
"Oh, a bounty hunter then." Ryoko said dismissively.
"Washu? Why are you not with the Joker?" Yosho asked as the diminutive scientist finally managed to get up.
"He's escaped from my lab is running loose. Tenchi went after him." Washu explained.
"Tenchi? That is the young man I saw you sparring with earlier, right?" Batman asked turning to face Yosho. "We need to find them. From what I saw the young man can take care of himself in a fight but the Joker is as slippery as a snake and about a thousand times more dangerous!"
"There is nothing to worry about." Washu stated calmly. Summoning her holo computer keyboard she continued. "I have my sensors tuned to Tenchi and Joker. If anything was to happen to Tenchi I would know it immediately. So you see we have the problem well in......" Washu stopped as her computer started to give off a undulating high pitched alarm.
Harley Quinn ran as though her very life depended on it. Avoiding the stairs to the shrine, she ran along the forest. "Its a good thing that I am in such great shape." She thought to herself as she ran. "Course being with Mr. J. tends to mean you get a lot of running in."
As Harley reached the top of the hilly area where the shrine was located she paused for a moment. "Which direction did Tenchi and Mr. J. go?" She wondered to herself. Suddenly she heard a sound that caused the blood to freeze in her veins. It was the sounds of someone laughing, laughing hysterically. And it was not the Joker.
Turning she ran in the direction of the laughter. Echoing through her mind over and over was a single thought. "No not Tenchi! Please not Tenchi!"
The Joker stood over the helpless fallen laughing form of Tenchi. Watching in manic glee as Tenchi laughed till the tears ran out of his eyes and down his face.
The Joker's glee was ruined when Tenchi seemed to regain enough control for a moment to take a deep breath before bursting anew into helpless laughter.
"Either that last batch of my gas has gotten weak or this kid is like that blue haired bitch and is partially immune to the effects of the gas." Joker thought with a frown. "In either case it is going to take far too long for him to die like this."
Joker reached a hand up one of his sleeves to get one of his special razor sharp playing cards so he could slash the helpless boy's throat but frowned again. "Dammit! I'm out of cards!" Joker shouted in frustration.
Tenchi still laughing tried desperately to pull himself backwards along the ground away from the Joker. He would regain enough control to take a few breaths and inch along the ground slightly but then the effects of the gas would win out again and he was back to laughing so hard he couldn't even move.
"Oh well. There is nothing wrong with a tried and true killing method." Joker smiled at Tenchi and reaching down picked up a large heavy rock. "Hey kid? You ever hear the joke about the boy surrounded by women and the clown?" Joker taunted Tenchi as he lifted the stone over his head. "The punch line will just slay you!" Joker said and then added his own laugh to Tenchi's as he prepared to bring the rock down on the young man's head.
Tenchi fought the urge to close his eyes. He might be going to die but he would face his death like a man.
Suddenly a figure wearing a flapping white shirt flew into sight and kicking Joker in the face caused him to stumble away from Tenchi, dropping the stone as he lost his balance. The heavy rock thuded into the ground mere inches away from the side of Tenchi's head.
Tenchi continued to hysterically laugh and he wasn't entirely sure if this time it was all the product of the gas he inhaled.
Harley bent over to check Tenchi but quickly rose to her feet to assume a defensive position standing over him as the Joker stumbled back to his feet.
Tenchi looking up couldn't help but notice that he could see up the long shirt she was wearing as she stood protectively over him. "Sasami must have washed her panties as well as her outer clothing." He thought to himself. Immediately his nose started to bleed.
"Oh this is just great! Not only am I laying her helplessly laughing while Harley tries to defend me and probably gets killed by that clown too, but I also have to die here laughing and with a nose bleed as well?!" Tenchi thought in irritation and disgust.
"Harley girl? What the hell do you think you are doing?!" Joker bellowed at her.
"Leave Tenchi alone! Please Mr. J? You don't have to kill him! He's not a threat to you!" Harley alternated with demanding and pleading.
"You've fallen for this....this.....carrot farmer?!?!" Joker shouted in anger. "Well then Harley, you can be with him. Forever!" Joker said as he started to stalk forward. "Time for you to stop and smell the flowers Harley!" He added reaching up to his lapel flower.
Harley was frozen with indecision. She was no more immune to the Joker's gas than anyone else was but if she ran off, Joker would easily and with great joy finish Tenchi off and then come after her anyway. She had almost made up her mind to gamble everything in a desperate tackle of Joker when both her and Joker heard a voice call out.
"I don't think so Joker!"
Joker turned to see who spoke, even though he didn't need to. He knew that voice well. It haunted his dreams almost every night. Before the Joker could finish his turn a batarang with a cable attached whipped around his body binding his arms around his chest and his legs causing him to fall over.
Harley in shock looked over to the side and saw a black portal hovering in mid air. Batman was standing near it and coming out of the portal was Washu, Ryoko, Ayeka and Yosho. A few moments later Mihoshi and Sasami exited it as well.
Ryoko spying Tenchi on the ground still laughing uncontrolably, grabbed Washu by the arm and teleported with her to his side. "Do something Washu!" She yelled at her. Washu started to open her computer when Batman stepped to her side and handed her a small ampoule filled with a blue liquid. On one end of the ampoule was a needle. "Inject him with this. It is the antidote to the Joker's toxin." Batman instructed her.
Washu opened her computer and did a quick scan of the liquid. "Yes Tenchi's human side is close enough that this will work on him as well as a perfectly normal earthling." She decided.
Tenchi lying on the ground thought to himself. "Is she implying that I'm a abnormal earthling?" His laughter became slightly more hysterical with that thought.
"Quick Washu the gas is affecting him more!" Ryoko shouted at her mother.
As Washu injected Tenchi with the cure to the gas, Batman turned to face Harley.
"So I guess this means we are going back to Gotham now?" Harley asked in a sad voice to Batman.
"Nooo!" Sasami yelled and ran over to her. "You don't have to go back! You can stay here with us! Can't she?" She turned and asked Batman.
Batman reached up and rubbed his chin. "I don't know. She and the Joker have a lot to answer for in our dimension."
As Tenchi's laughter died down to merely a few chuckles, Ryoko turned to face where the Joker lay on the ground like a trussed turkey. "Don't worry Sasami. Neither of them are going back." Ryoko said as she formed her glowing energy sword. She isn't because I am not letting this guy take to jail someone who tried to save my Tenchi and he isn't because there is not going to be enough pieces to take back!" So saying Ryoko leapt towards the Joker.
Ryoko pulled to a aburpt halt as Harley threw herself in front of Joker's prone form. Standing over his body in just the same way she had tried to protect Tenchi a short time earlier.
"Get out of my way Harley! I have almost decided that I like you but that won't stop me from going through you to get to Joker. Besides, why are you defending him?!" Ryoko shouted.
"Mr. J. is a sick person. I mean the Joker is a sick person. He's not responsibile for what he does!" Harley shouted back. "They locked him in Arkham with the belief that he would get help for his mental problems. Help I was suppose to give him but failed to do! Please Ryoko?! Let Batman take him back to Gotham and back to Arkham. He may someday still be helped."
Ayeka watched from Tenchi's side as Ryoko continued to stand stiffly with her sword still glowing. She breathed a sigh of relief for Harley as Ryoko opened her hand and allowed the sword to vanish. "If I see that clown here again, I will kill him!" Ryoko finally said and then turned away.
Harley beathed her own sigh of relief and then turned to face Sasami. "I have to go back to Arkham too Sasami. I also lost my way and got 'sick' but now I think I might someday be well again but it is going to take time."
"I'll miss you Harley." Sasami said tearfully. "Oh! What about your clothes? They are back at the house! You can't go back to your world wearing nothing but Tenchi's shirt!"
Washu stepped over by Sasami. "Nothing could be easier Sasami." Typing a few keys on her holo keyboard a small portal appeared and Harley's clothing drifted out. The Joker's eyes narrowed angrily and Batman found himself blushing ever so slightly as Harley's panties floated out. They were yellow with tiny black bats all over them.
Harley blushing, quickly grabbed them and the rest of her clothing out of the air. Going behind a large tree she was gone for only a few moments before she came out dressed in her Harley Quinn costume. Except this time without the heavy white makeup and she left the hood of the costume down. "I'm ready to go back any time you are Batman." she stated.
Batman checking his gauntlet computer replied. "We still have 25 minutes before Robin is due to turn on the portal generator in our home dimension and we will have to figure out a way to climb up in the air to where the portal will appear."
"Oh no sense in using that crude old thing!" Washu called out. With a few quick key presses on her keyboard Washu opened another black portal. "This one will take you straight back to the place where you started from. I had already done the computations to find your home dimension from the Joker's dimensional patterns and when the portal reappeared to let you out Batman my computers got the final local position from that."
As everyone looked at the dull black portal hanging in the afternoon's air, Robin's head suddenly popped out of the darkness and looked back at them. Spotting Batman standing next to the prone Joker's body, Robin only said. "I'm guessing this means I don't have to turn on this thing in here, right?" He said jerking a thumb to point back through the portal.
Batman looked down at Washu. "Washu you are a genius."
"That's what I keep telling these people here." Washu said with a smirk.
Batgirl and Robin came out of the portal and walked over to where the Joker lay on the ground.
"My! Don't the people in that dimension dress funny?" Ayeka whispered to Ryoko. Ryoko just nodded her head in agreement.
Batgirl grabbed the Joker's shoulders and Robin got his feet, together they carried Joker through the portal and then came back for Harley Quinn. Robin reaching behind him came up with his handcuffs.
"That won't be necessary Robin. Will it Harley?" Batman asked her.
"No. I will come along quietly." Harley said. Walking with Robin and Batgirl she paused at the portal's entrance. "Bye all." Harley called out to Tenchi and the rest. "I will miss you all and I want you to know that I almost felt like I had a real family again." She then turned and entered the portal and was gone.
Sasami and Mihoshi sniffled and even Ryo Ohki seemed depressed to see her go. Even Ryoko and Ayeka were slightly sad to see the bouncy young blond leave them. But they comforted themselves with the thought that at least that was one less girl to compete for Tenchi's attention.
Batman turned to Yosho and gave a formal bow. "I am sorry about all the trouble this may have caused you all. As soon as I get back to my home dimension I will have the Joker's machine completely destroyed. It was an accident on his part that he found this world and I will do all in my power to see that it is not recreated."
Yosho returned the bow. "Think nothing of it. At least it was an interesting visit."
Batman nodded and entered the portal and was gone. As soon as he was gone Washu shut the portal down.
"Interesting?!" Tenchi thought to himself. His lungs burned from the forced lack of air and his sides hurt with all the laughing he had done.
"Are you all right Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked him noticing his grimace.
"Yeah it only hurts when I laugh." Tenchi said.
Back in Gotham
The Joker lay on the cold hard metal bench of the Police wagon he had been dumped in. He was still trussed up in the cable from the batarang. He glared at Harley who sat on the bench opposite of him with her knees drawn up to her chest.
"I'm sorry Mr. J." Harley already reverting to her usual patterns said to him. "Can you ever forgive me?"
The Joker, his scowl only lightening a little replied. "Of course Harley girl. It wasn't your fault. There was something strange about that world that affected you. There is a way you can prove to me that you are still faithful to me though."
"What Mr. J? I will do anything." Harley said looking up hopefully.
"Can you remember exactly what computer cards you pulled out of my machine?" Joker casually asked.
Harley without thinking answered immediately. "Of course Mr. J. I pulled the first seven cards out of the machine starting with the one closest to the access panel. Why?"
"Oh no reason." Joker assured her. To himself he thought. "As soon as I escape again Washu, I will build my machine again and I will be back! And then will see! If my gas can't kill that blue haired bitch or that Tenchi kid I will find something else that will! And then will see. He who laughs lasts, laughs best!"
Harley watched as the Joker started to giggle and then to laugh.
The End.
Look both ways before crossing the street. Don't accept either candy or rides from strangers. And your mileage may vary.
Thank you and please enjoy the story.
Tenchi meets The Joker
by Weirdbard
Chapter 7. Goodbyes Are No Laughing Matter.
As Tenchi ran back up the stairs toward the shrine, his thoughts were all of concern for his Grandfather's safety. Oh he knew that Yosho was more than a match for Joker in a fair fight but Joker had already proven that he was anything but a fair fighter.
"We would be almost at the bottom of the stairs before Joker attacked us." Tenchi grumbled to himself as he concentrated on keeping an eye on the surrounding forest on either side of the stairs as he ran.
So worried and intently was he concentrating on getting back to the shrine to warn his grandfather he didn't even consciously notice the strange looking pillow sitting on one of the stair steps until he stepped on it.
At the bottom of the stairs Ryoko and Ayeka were arguing. "I am going to go join Tenchi!" Ayeka declared and turned to hurry up the stairs. She was brought to abrupt halt as she ran into Ryoko's arm as she blocked her path.
"He said he wanted us to go to the house Princess!"
"I would never expect you to be one for running from a fight." Ayeka snapped at Ryoko but stopped when she saw the tears running out Ryoko's eyes.
"Don't make this any harder than it is Princess! Every fiber of my being wants to go to Tenchi's side and protect him. But he asked us to get to the house to safety so he would not worry about us." Ryoko squared her shoulders. "And that is what we are going to do!" Ryoko herded the women towards the house. Just as they reached the house they heard a explosion from the direction of the shrine stairs.
Tenchi blinked several times and finally realized that he was hovering in mid air horizontally above the steps of the stairway. Shaking his head a few times to clear it of mental cobwebs he noticed that his lighthawk wings had formed a protective bubble around him and that was what was holding him up off the stairway. Twisting he managed to get back to a upright position and glanced back behind him. Several yards away one of the steps to the stairway to the shrine was gone and there was now a small crater where it had been.
Tenchi recalled seeing a small bright flash and then a much larger one. "Wow. Joker must have planted a bomb on the steps and I stepped on it." He thought to himself. "My lighthawk wings saved me! I guess all that training Grandfather has been making me do must have paid off. I reacted without even thinking about it."
Tenchi glanced around and tried to extend his senses the way his Grandfather had always instructed him to do. He could sense no one around so he allowed his lighthawk wings to dissipate and lightly deposit him back to the stairs. "Grandfather! That's right! I have to warn him! I just hope he heard the explosion and it puts him on guard! Not that Grandfather is ever off his guard." Tenchi reassured himself as he started to run up the stairs again. This time keeping one eye on the steps in front of him as well as the forest.
Washu came out of the house at the moment of the explosion. Quickly opening her holotop computer she scanned the area.
Ryoko and Ayeka were deathly still. All color had fled from their faces as they thought about what the explosion might mean. Sasami was shaking and Mihoshi had started crying.
"Its okay! Tenchi is alright. My scanner shows him continuing to move up the stairs. He's almost at the top of them now." Washu reassured them all.
Ayeka and Ryoko began breathing again at the news.
"Can you find out where the Joker is with that?" Ryoko asked her.
"Yes, now I can. I had just finished with the adjustments to my external scanners to locate him when I came out." Washu replied and pressed a few buttons. "He's at the top of the stairs very near Tenchi's location." Washu told them with a frown.
"That's it! I am going to help Tenchi!" Ryoko shouted.
"No you are not Ryoko." Washu told her. "Tenchi wants to face this challenge on his own. You interfere and he will resent it. He'll think you believe he is a child that has to be protected and not a man."
"Besides he gave us explicit instructions to stay here." Mihoshi added.
Harley looked at the worried and frowning women. "Well I am going. I was never much for following instructions."
Harley took one step and then stopped as she saw that Mihoshi had her galaxy patrol blaster pointed at her. "No you are not! You by your own admission are the Joker's side kick therefore you are a criminal and I am placing you under arrest!"
Harley looked sadly at Mihoshi and then turning her back on her she said over her shoulder. "I'm going Mihoshi and the only way you can stop me is to shoot me."
With deliberate steps Harley started to walk away from Mihoshi towards Ayeka and Ryoko.
Mihoshi continued to hold her gun on her for a moment and then dropped her hand. She liked Harley and couldn't bring herself to fire on her. In any case she would never be able to shoot someone in the back.
"That might work on Mihoshi but you aren't getting by me!" Ryoko told her.
"Or myself." Ayeka also stated.
Harley put on a burst of speed as if she was going to try and push her way past Ayeka and Ryoko and at the last moment leaped into the air in a twisting forward flip over them, the shirt she was wearing flapping slightly in the wind and landed behind them. Without pause she took off running as fast as she could.
"Why that little..." Ryoko muttered and started to phase out to reappear in front of her but was stopped when Washu grabbed her by the arm. "Let her go." Was all Washu said.
"Excuse me Miss Washu but are you out of your mind?" Ayeka yelled at her. "We can't go to Tenchi's rescue but you are allowing Joker's ally to go?"
Washu turned calmly to Ayeka and said. "Just as this is a important moment in Tenchi's life. The chance to prove to himself that he can protect his home and his family. This is also a important turning point in Harley Quinn's life as well. The moment when she finally decides for herself where her destiny lies. To be the Joker's faithful punching bag or to defend someone she cares about."
"But what if she makes the wrong decision?" Sasami worriedly asked Washu.
"You know Washu?" Ryoko said with a crafty look on her face. "Tenchi only sent us back to the house because we didn't know where Joker might be and to keep an eye on Harley Quinn. Well now both of those conditions are gone. We know where the Joker is and Harley is gone, so there is no real reason why we should hang around here now is there?"
Washu looked at her daughter. "That is very good reasoning little Ryoko. I am proud of you." Washu looked at the rest of the girls. "We'll go to where Yosho is. Just don't interfere with Tenchi and his fight with Joker!" She warned them and tapped some keys on her keyboard to locate Yosho's position.
"Hmm, this is odd." Washu muttered. "There is someone with Yosho and according to this he is not from this dimension."
"What?!" Ayeka shouted. "Not the Joker or Harley but another new one?!"
Washu nodded her head. "My scanners tell me that Yosho and this newcomer are at the shrine's office." Washu pressed a key on your computer. "And Tenchi and Joker are.... They are heading towards the cave Ryoko was imprisoned in."
Ryoko came up behind Washu and bending at the waist she looked over her shoulder. She could see on the display a tiny circle with a J in it being followed by a circle witth a T in it. "Joker's blip looks like he is slightly ahead of Tenchi. Almost as if he was..."
"Leading Tenchi toward the rock out cropping that your cave is in." Washu finished for her. "Joker is trying to lead Tenchi into an ambush situation. Come on let's go to Yosho and find out who this new person is." Washu added after a moment and typing for a moment she opened a floating portal.
"I can't believe you Washu!" Ryoko snarled. "I say we go to Tenchi's help. Who cares who this new person is? You are not the least bit worried about Tenchi at all are you?!"
Washu didn't comment but just walked into the portal. "I care very much daughter but I realize something you don't. Everyday Tenchi is becoming more and more indecisive because he believes he has no control over anything in his life. If we suddenly pop in and defeat Joker for him, Tenchi will just give up trying. I really don't think you want a man with no will of his own, do you daughter? I know I don't." Washu thought to herself. "Besides, I have rigged several scanners and have them locked on his life signs. The slightest thing goes wrong I will know it immediately. And then nothing will stop me from coming to Tenchi's aid and destroying that insane clown!"
Ryoko watched Washu walk calmly into the portal and then shot a frustrated look at Ayeka. Ayeka didn't like it any more than Ryoko did but she shrugged and walked into the portal as well.
Sasami yelled, "wait for me!" and dove into the portal after her sister. Mihoshi ran into the portal a moment later leaving a frustrated and angry Ryoko standing alone. "Oh all right!" Ryoko yelled. "But nothing better happen to Tenchi!" And with that she dove into the portal as well.
As soon as Ryoko entered the portal it closed with a soft plop.
Tenchi was confused but at the same time pleased to see that Joker was not heading toward his Grandfather's shrine but seem to be heading toward the rocky outcropping that contained Ryoko's cave. "What could he possibly want up there?" Tenchi wondered to himself. Never realizing that the Joker was succeeding at what he was trying to accomplish. Mostly separating Tenchi from the others and finding a spot where he could get the higher ground so as to see Tenchi coming and ambush him.
Tenchi knew that the Joker was still ahead of him because every now and then his maniacal laughter would float back to taunt him.
Suddenly Tenchi skidded to a stop as the words of his Grandfather echoed in his memory. "If you can choose the battlefield for a fight, always do so. If you can't choose the battlefield then choose the time. If you can do neither then at least know your opponent and his weaknesses. If you can do none of these things then you must ask yourself, should I really fight at this time?"
"I am letting the Joker not only choose where we fight but when." Tenchi realized. "I also know really nothing about the Joker's strengths or his weaknesses."
Tenchi looked in the direction that he had last heard Joker's laughter coming from. It was now quiet. "Its too dangerous to follow him blindly like this." Tenchi muttered out loud to himself. "I should go back to the others and have Washu help me locate him and then make plans on how to capture him. All I really know about him is that he is a very dangerous individual."
"Very wise of you boy. Pity the wisdom came too late to be of any use to you." Joker's voice called out from the trees to the left of Tenchi.
As Tenchi quickly turned to face the direction the voice came from he spotted out of the corner of his eye two small marble like objects flying towards him. Reacting instinctively, he lashed out with a lighthawk wing sword splitting the objects in mid air. Unfortunately, this only caused the Joker gas contained in them to billow into his face. Before he could stop himself Tenchi took a shocked deep breath, inhaling the gas.
Washu blinked several times as she came out of the dimensional portal into the shrine's office and found Yosho calmly talking with a man dressed in some outlandish black armor.
"Ah Washu. I was just telling our guest here that you have the Joker safely tied up in your lab. We were just about to have some tea and then come to your lab to collect him." Yosho stated.
Washu opened her mouth to answer but was stopped as Ayeka popped out of the portal behind her and bumped into her.
"Oh I'm sorry Washu. I....." Ayeka broke off in mid apology as she spotted Batman. "Oh my!" She said.
Washu once again opened her mouth to explain that she had lost the Joker when Sasami bumped into her and Ayeka. As Washu tried once again to open her mouth, Mihoshi came barreling out of the portal and knocked them all off their feet. A moment later Ryoko came flying out of the portal and crashed into the pile. "Hey! What's the idea of standing right in front of the portal?" Ryoko yelled as she tried to disentangle herself from the pile that contained Washu, Ayeka, Mihoshi and Sasami. Ryoko looking up spotted a bemused Batman watching them.
"Hey who is the weirdo in the halloween costume?" Ryoko asked as she finally gave up on freeing herself physcially from the pile up and just phased out to reappear standing a few feet away.
Bruce Wayne allowed a unseen eyebrow to go up. "She's calling me a weirdo?" He thought to himself.
"Ryoko! Batman here represents the law in his dimension and he is a guest! Show him some respect!" Yosho barked at her.
"He's a cop?!" Ryoko asked in amasement.
"Not exactly." Batman's deep voice answered her.
"Oh, a bounty hunter then." Ryoko said dismissively.
"Washu? Why are you not with the Joker?" Yosho asked as the diminutive scientist finally managed to get up.
"He's escaped from my lab is running loose. Tenchi went after him." Washu explained.
"Tenchi? That is the young man I saw you sparring with earlier, right?" Batman asked turning to face Yosho. "We need to find them. From what I saw the young man can take care of himself in a fight but the Joker is as slippery as a snake and about a thousand times more dangerous!"
"There is nothing to worry about." Washu stated calmly. Summoning her holo computer keyboard she continued. "I have my sensors tuned to Tenchi and Joker. If anything was to happen to Tenchi I would know it immediately. So you see we have the problem well in......" Washu stopped as her computer started to give off a undulating high pitched alarm.
Harley Quinn ran as though her very life depended on it. Avoiding the stairs to the shrine, she ran along the forest. "Its a good thing that I am in such great shape." She thought to herself as she ran. "Course being with Mr. J. tends to mean you get a lot of running in."
As Harley reached the top of the hilly area where the shrine was located she paused for a moment. "Which direction did Tenchi and Mr. J. go?" She wondered to herself. Suddenly she heard a sound that caused the blood to freeze in her veins. It was the sounds of someone laughing, laughing hysterically. And it was not the Joker.
Turning she ran in the direction of the laughter. Echoing through her mind over and over was a single thought. "No not Tenchi! Please not Tenchi!"
The Joker stood over the helpless fallen laughing form of Tenchi. Watching in manic glee as Tenchi laughed till the tears ran out of his eyes and down his face.
The Joker's glee was ruined when Tenchi seemed to regain enough control for a moment to take a deep breath before bursting anew into helpless laughter.
"Either that last batch of my gas has gotten weak or this kid is like that blue haired bitch and is partially immune to the effects of the gas." Joker thought with a frown. "In either case it is going to take far too long for him to die like this."
Joker reached a hand up one of his sleeves to get one of his special razor sharp playing cards so he could slash the helpless boy's throat but frowned again. "Dammit! I'm out of cards!" Joker shouted in frustration.
Tenchi still laughing tried desperately to pull himself backwards along the ground away from the Joker. He would regain enough control to take a few breaths and inch along the ground slightly but then the effects of the gas would win out again and he was back to laughing so hard he couldn't even move.
"Oh well. There is nothing wrong with a tried and true killing method." Joker smiled at Tenchi and reaching down picked up a large heavy rock. "Hey kid? You ever hear the joke about the boy surrounded by women and the clown?" Joker taunted Tenchi as he lifted the stone over his head. "The punch line will just slay you!" Joker said and then added his own laugh to Tenchi's as he prepared to bring the rock down on the young man's head.
Tenchi fought the urge to close his eyes. He might be going to die but he would face his death like a man.
Suddenly a figure wearing a flapping white shirt flew into sight and kicking Joker in the face caused him to stumble away from Tenchi, dropping the stone as he lost his balance. The heavy rock thuded into the ground mere inches away from the side of Tenchi's head.
Tenchi continued to hysterically laugh and he wasn't entirely sure if this time it was all the product of the gas he inhaled.
Harley bent over to check Tenchi but quickly rose to her feet to assume a defensive position standing over him as the Joker stumbled back to his feet.
Tenchi looking up couldn't help but notice that he could see up the long shirt she was wearing as she stood protectively over him. "Sasami must have washed her panties as well as her outer clothing." He thought to himself. Immediately his nose started to bleed.
"Oh this is just great! Not only am I laying her helplessly laughing while Harley tries to defend me and probably gets killed by that clown too, but I also have to die here laughing and with a nose bleed as well?!" Tenchi thought in irritation and disgust.
"Harley girl? What the hell do you think you are doing?!" Joker bellowed at her.
"Leave Tenchi alone! Please Mr. J? You don't have to kill him! He's not a threat to you!" Harley alternated with demanding and pleading.
"You've fallen for this....this.....carrot farmer?!?!" Joker shouted in anger. "Well then Harley, you can be with him. Forever!" Joker said as he started to stalk forward. "Time for you to stop and smell the flowers Harley!" He added reaching up to his lapel flower.
Harley was frozen with indecision. She was no more immune to the Joker's gas than anyone else was but if she ran off, Joker would easily and with great joy finish Tenchi off and then come after her anyway. She had almost made up her mind to gamble everything in a desperate tackle of Joker when both her and Joker heard a voice call out.
"I don't think so Joker!"
Joker turned to see who spoke, even though he didn't need to. He knew that voice well. It haunted his dreams almost every night. Before the Joker could finish his turn a batarang with a cable attached whipped around his body binding his arms around his chest and his legs causing him to fall over.
Harley in shock looked over to the side and saw a black portal hovering in mid air. Batman was standing near it and coming out of the portal was Washu, Ryoko, Ayeka and Yosho. A few moments later Mihoshi and Sasami exited it as well.
Ryoko spying Tenchi on the ground still laughing uncontrolably, grabbed Washu by the arm and teleported with her to his side. "Do something Washu!" She yelled at her. Washu started to open her computer when Batman stepped to her side and handed her a small ampoule filled with a blue liquid. On one end of the ampoule was a needle. "Inject him with this. It is the antidote to the Joker's toxin." Batman instructed her.
Washu opened her computer and did a quick scan of the liquid. "Yes Tenchi's human side is close enough that this will work on him as well as a perfectly normal earthling." She decided.
Tenchi lying on the ground thought to himself. "Is she implying that I'm a abnormal earthling?" His laughter became slightly more hysterical with that thought.
"Quick Washu the gas is affecting him more!" Ryoko shouted at her mother.
As Washu injected Tenchi with the cure to the gas, Batman turned to face Harley.
"So I guess this means we are going back to Gotham now?" Harley asked in a sad voice to Batman.
"Nooo!" Sasami yelled and ran over to her. "You don't have to go back! You can stay here with us! Can't she?" She turned and asked Batman.
Batman reached up and rubbed his chin. "I don't know. She and the Joker have a lot to answer for in our dimension."
As Tenchi's laughter died down to merely a few chuckles, Ryoko turned to face where the Joker lay on the ground like a trussed turkey. "Don't worry Sasami. Neither of them are going back." Ryoko said as she formed her glowing energy sword. She isn't because I am not letting this guy take to jail someone who tried to save my Tenchi and he isn't because there is not going to be enough pieces to take back!" So saying Ryoko leapt towards the Joker.
Ryoko pulled to a aburpt halt as Harley threw herself in front of Joker's prone form. Standing over his body in just the same way she had tried to protect Tenchi a short time earlier.
"Get out of my way Harley! I have almost decided that I like you but that won't stop me from going through you to get to Joker. Besides, why are you defending him?!" Ryoko shouted.
"Mr. J. is a sick person. I mean the Joker is a sick person. He's not responsibile for what he does!" Harley shouted back. "They locked him in Arkham with the belief that he would get help for his mental problems. Help I was suppose to give him but failed to do! Please Ryoko?! Let Batman take him back to Gotham and back to Arkham. He may someday still be helped."
Ayeka watched from Tenchi's side as Ryoko continued to stand stiffly with her sword still glowing. She breathed a sigh of relief for Harley as Ryoko opened her hand and allowed the sword to vanish. "If I see that clown here again, I will kill him!" Ryoko finally said and then turned away.
Harley beathed her own sigh of relief and then turned to face Sasami. "I have to go back to Arkham too Sasami. I also lost my way and got 'sick' but now I think I might someday be well again but it is going to take time."
"I'll miss you Harley." Sasami said tearfully. "Oh! What about your clothes? They are back at the house! You can't go back to your world wearing nothing but Tenchi's shirt!"
Washu stepped over by Sasami. "Nothing could be easier Sasami." Typing a few keys on her holo keyboard a small portal appeared and Harley's clothing drifted out. The Joker's eyes narrowed angrily and Batman found himself blushing ever so slightly as Harley's panties floated out. They were yellow with tiny black bats all over them.
Harley blushing, quickly grabbed them and the rest of her clothing out of the air. Going behind a large tree she was gone for only a few moments before she came out dressed in her Harley Quinn costume. Except this time without the heavy white makeup and she left the hood of the costume down. "I'm ready to go back any time you are Batman." she stated.
Batman checking his gauntlet computer replied. "We still have 25 minutes before Robin is due to turn on the portal generator in our home dimension and we will have to figure out a way to climb up in the air to where the portal will appear."
"Oh no sense in using that crude old thing!" Washu called out. With a few quick key presses on her keyboard Washu opened another black portal. "This one will take you straight back to the place where you started from. I had already done the computations to find your home dimension from the Joker's dimensional patterns and when the portal reappeared to let you out Batman my computers got the final local position from that."
As everyone looked at the dull black portal hanging in the afternoon's air, Robin's head suddenly popped out of the darkness and looked back at them. Spotting Batman standing next to the prone Joker's body, Robin only said. "I'm guessing this means I don't have to turn on this thing in here, right?" He said jerking a thumb to point back through the portal.
Batman looked down at Washu. "Washu you are a genius."
"That's what I keep telling these people here." Washu said with a smirk.
Batgirl and Robin came out of the portal and walked over to where the Joker lay on the ground.
"My! Don't the people in that dimension dress funny?" Ayeka whispered to Ryoko. Ryoko just nodded her head in agreement.
Batgirl grabbed the Joker's shoulders and Robin got his feet, together they carried Joker through the portal and then came back for Harley Quinn. Robin reaching behind him came up with his handcuffs.
"That won't be necessary Robin. Will it Harley?" Batman asked her.
"No. I will come along quietly." Harley said. Walking with Robin and Batgirl she paused at the portal's entrance. "Bye all." Harley called out to Tenchi and the rest. "I will miss you all and I want you to know that I almost felt like I had a real family again." She then turned and entered the portal and was gone.
Sasami and Mihoshi sniffled and even Ryo Ohki seemed depressed to see her go. Even Ryoko and Ayeka were slightly sad to see the bouncy young blond leave them. But they comforted themselves with the thought that at least that was one less girl to compete for Tenchi's attention.
Batman turned to Yosho and gave a formal bow. "I am sorry about all the trouble this may have caused you all. As soon as I get back to my home dimension I will have the Joker's machine completely destroyed. It was an accident on his part that he found this world and I will do all in my power to see that it is not recreated."
Yosho returned the bow. "Think nothing of it. At least it was an interesting visit."
Batman nodded and entered the portal and was gone. As soon as he was gone Washu shut the portal down.
"Interesting?!" Tenchi thought to himself. His lungs burned from the forced lack of air and his sides hurt with all the laughing he had done.
"Are you all right Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked him noticing his grimace.
"Yeah it only hurts when I laugh." Tenchi said.
Back in Gotham
The Joker lay on the cold hard metal bench of the Police wagon he had been dumped in. He was still trussed up in the cable from the batarang. He glared at Harley who sat on the bench opposite of him with her knees drawn up to her chest.
"I'm sorry Mr. J." Harley already reverting to her usual patterns said to him. "Can you ever forgive me?"
The Joker, his scowl only lightening a little replied. "Of course Harley girl. It wasn't your fault. There was something strange about that world that affected you. There is a way you can prove to me that you are still faithful to me though."
"What Mr. J? I will do anything." Harley said looking up hopefully.
"Can you remember exactly what computer cards you pulled out of my machine?" Joker casually asked.
Harley without thinking answered immediately. "Of course Mr. J. I pulled the first seven cards out of the machine starting with the one closest to the access panel. Why?"
"Oh no reason." Joker assured her. To himself he thought. "As soon as I escape again Washu, I will build my machine again and I will be back! And then will see! If my gas can't kill that blue haired bitch or that Tenchi kid I will find something else that will! And then will see. He who laughs lasts, laughs best!"
Harley watched as the Joker started to giggle and then to laugh.
The End.