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Sam started cramping shortly after her night shift ended and she was tucked snugly up in her sleeping bag. Her knees shifted up automatically as her abdomen began what would have been its monthly complaint had she not been on SGC regulated birth control. Gasping wordlessly, she rolled onto her front and bit into her sleeping bag. Aw, man....
This was so not happening, she thought as a wave of pain rendered her speechless.
As far as she was aware, Sam didn't really get the mood swings involved, but she definitely got the cramping. Really got the cramping. As a teenager, she'd taken advantage of her father's inability to cope with her 'women's problems' and always managed to swing at least a couple of days off school so she could lie in bed and down painkillers.
However, she didn't really think that returning to Earth because she was getting her period was really an option. She could just picture General Hammond's face and the smothered laughter of the defence team.
Wait a minute...
'' Those bastards,'' she spat into her sleeping bag.
'' Carter?''
She winced; she hadn't meant to wake him. '' Nothing, sir.''
'' Nothing?''
Oh God, she supposed she'd have to tell him. He was her CO, she was his subordinate, yadda yadda yadda.. '' You'll never guess...'' Then she trailed off. They were close, definitely wanted to be closer in certain ways, but a woman didn't really discuss her menstruation problems with a guy unless they'd been sleeping together for some time, or had at least reached a certain level of intimacy. At least, Sam certainly didn't, but she didn't really know about other women.
'' What?''
'' You know that... thing they did on me today?''
'' Distinctly. I was having a nice little dream about it. You were there, I was there. The old woman wasn't.''
She chuckled instinctively, then groaned as another wave of pain overwhelmed her. '' Well, it worked.''
Next to her, Colonel O'Neill sat up and loomed over her. '' It worked?''
'' What's going on?''
Sam moaned, this time from embarrassment. Not Daniel, too. Any moment now, Teal'c's concerned, but solemn face would poke his head through the tent flap and demand to know what all the fuss was about. Then all of them would know.
On the plus side, all of them had been married. Surely they'd all had some experience of it. And it was dark, so she couldn't see their expressions. And she had level three unarmed combat training - she could kill them if they even made a crack at her expense.
'' Carter, how do you know it's worked?''
'' Trust me, sir. It worked. Pass me some painkillers, please,'' she added through clenched teeth, hoping he'd get the message without her having to spell it out.
'' Oh.''
That 'oh' said so many things, but at the very least it told her that he understood and was sympathetic. Then his shadow moved towards the other end of the tent where he rustled amongst the things in his pack, looking for the med kit to get her the requisite pain pills.
Daniel put a hand on the side of her head and stroked downwards through her hair. '' I'm sorry, Sam.''
'' It's okay, Daniel, you didn't know. ''
'' Well, Edin did mentioned something about purging.''
She rolled her eyes. Purging. Of course. And Daniel, being a man, would have no idea what the connotations could possibly mean. '' When did he mention this purging, Daniel?''
'' Er... while you and Jack were inside.''
Great. Great. Just fabulous. Did she mention 'great'?
The Colonel came back and he helped her up, his arms going around her warmly so she was cradled against him. He passed her the water bottle and a trio of small pills and she could feel his soft breath on her hair as she swallowed and drank. '' What do you want to do, Carter?''
'' I'm not going home.''
He chuckled. '' There's no shame in it.''
'' Oh, please,'' she said in disgusted tones. '' I can't believe this has happened to me.''
She could almost feel Daniel's wince.
'' I'm really sorry, Sam.''
Maybe it was the position she was being held in, but the pain in her abdomen was easing off. She hoped the Colonel wasn't thinking of moving any time soon. '' It would be really interesting to find out just exactly how they were able to render my birth control ineffective.''
'' Atta girl,'' he murmured, his body shaking slightly as he chuckled.
Daniel cleared his throat in what he didn't know Jack called his 'lecture mode'. '' Well, I have a theory. Though we dismissed their claims of being able to read people's auras, it wouldn't be the first time we've come across a culture which, while outwardly humanoid looking, have some distinctly unhumanoid traits. Perhaps the glyphs we came across in the temple building will give us some ideas. It's a pity I didn't get a better look at them before it was time to make camp.''
The last distinctly disgruntled statement was aimed at the only other male in the tent.
'' Daniel,'' the Colonel said in deceptively sweet tones, '' shut up.''
'' Tomorrow, maybe we could go to the village, talk to a few people,'' Sam suggested, turning to look up at her CO for confirmation.
'' All right,'' he sighed. '' We'll go to the village. Daniel, you and Teal'c can hang here and groove with the rocks.''
'' Good idea.'' Daniel made a lot of noise as he lay back down. '' Sam, do you, um, need anything? I mean, from home.''
She smiled. Tactfully put, she thought. Bless - this really hadn't been as cringe-worthy as she'd thought it would be. She should have put more faith into her guys. '' No, Daniel. The women are supplied with emergency... supplies.''
'' Like I always know to pack an extra set of glasses.''
'' And I always pack an extra extra set of glasses,'' the Colonel whispered into Sam's ear loudly.
'' I heard that.''
'' I meant you to.''
Daniel made a disgusted noise. '' Night, Sam. Night, Jack.''
'' Night, Daniel,'' they chorused.
Snuggling back up against him, Sam wrapped her arms around his. Okay, maybe there were upsides to this little problem. If it meant she got to cuddle with him, she'd willingly go through this pain each mission. Um, perhaps not each mission. One mission a month.
Then again, she could always fake it.
That thought made her giggle.
'' What?''
'' Nothin'.''
'' Major....''
She giggled again - decided that the painkillers were working. '' I don't think that's going to work when you're currently holding me.''
'' Fine.'' But he didn't let go of her to teach her a lesson, as she'd half feared. '' So... do you get grumpy?'' he whispered, lowering his head to her shoulder so they could have a semi-private conversation.
'' Not that I know of.''
'' How disappointing. I had this really un-pc plan back when we started the SGC, do you want to hear it?''
If he was trying to keep her mind off her pain, it was working. '' If it's the one about the crack squad of women with PMT bearing down on a Goa'uld of your choice, then I've already heard it.''
'' Aw. Who did you hear that from?''
'' Janet. She overheard you guys chatting about it at lunch one day and she e-mailed all the women on base with it.'' Sam grinned, knowing what type of reaction she was going to get.
'' What!''
'' Oh yeah. The women in the SGC all have a special group address on e-mail so we can keep in contact with each other, keep everyone up to date and stuff. It's why all the women know each others' birthdays, anniversaries, kids names, husbands personal problems ecetera.''
'' No way.''
'' Yup.''
'' That's... really organised. Do you all get together and discuss work?''
'' Sometimes.'' She shifted gingerly, hands over her abdomen. '' We exchange information, advice, things like that.''
'' What kind of things?''
'' Um,'' she sought her brain for something that would impress him, '' most of it's women related. Like not taking your cap off off-world.''
'' I'm trying to imagine how that could possibly be useful off world, but it's just not happening.''
'' You remember P3G 823?''
'' No,'' he said immediately, laughter in his voice.
'' The one where you were offered several herds of... animals for me?''
'' Oh yeah!'' The Colonel chuckled. '' Man, that was a fun planet. Blondes, they had a thing for blondes.''
'' Well, a lot of women have had the same problem. Some of the advice that gets passed around is mainly to stop those kinds of situations from happening. If wearing your cap all mission means no one gets any funny ideas, then it's not too much of a sacrifice.''
'' You should write a manual.''
'' E-mail seems to work so far. I'll show you when we next have some time off and you're not pushing paperwork..''
'' And you're not working on the bike.''
She froze. '' Uh-oh.''
'' Oh, yes, I know about the bike.''
Damn. That wasn't good. If he knew about the bike, presumably he knew that on two of the occasions he'd asked her to go fishing, she'd actually been working on the bike. Not working working.
Obviously sensing her distress, Colonel O'Neill nudged her shoulder with his chin. '' I don't mind, Carter. I shouldn't have asked you in the first place. It just put you in a bad position. I know better, I promise.''
'' I will go fishing with you one day, Jack.''
'' I know. And on most of the occasions I've asked you, I only had purely platonic thoughts in mind.''
She snorted.
'' Okay, okay, not entirely platonic. Maybe some hand holding.''
Her next snort was a little more subtle but he still caught it.
'' Some stargazing, then. Possibly some kissing.''
That was more like it.
They both sighed together.
'' You know, technically, I should really take you back to Earth,'' the Colonel murmured a few minutes later, when the tent was finally filled with Daniel's deep almost-snoring.
'' Why?''
'' All female SGC personnel who visit off-world have to be on some form of birth control, be it the injections that the Doc gives or something else. You're violating SGC regulations.''
'' I don't think there's much chance of anything happening right now, sir.''
'' I know, just thought I'd raise the issue for the sake of conversation.''
Now he was making her distinctly nervous. Regulations were, after all, very close to her heart. '' You don't think... I mean, we'll have to put this in the report - hey, lucky you, you get to explain it in detail! - Do you think Hammond will reprimand you?'' Because it would be him - superior officers tended to get the brunt of any reprimand a team received.
'' Shouldn't think so - once I point out, tactfully, in my report that your current, er, situation effective prevented you from... damn, this is going to be uncomfortable discussing over the briefing room table.''
She giggled. '' I'm so looking forward to it. I'll make sure Janet's there too.''
'' Just promise me you'll sit next to me and kick me when I'm heading towards crude.''
'' I promise, sir.''
'' And watch out in case I start to say something un-pc.''
'' I always do, Colonel.''
'' Good.'' Considerably more at ease, he wriggled behind her. '' Carter, do you feel like lying down any time soon? Not that I don't enjoy cuddling with you, but my back's giving me grief.''
'' I'm sure I can manage now, thank you, Colonel.'' So saying, she eased out of his embrace and slid down until she was lying on her back. He remained sitting where he had been until she was settled, then he shuffled down next to her, propping his head up on his elbow so he could look at her.
'' Pain killers working?''
'' Perfectly.''
'' It was four o'clock when you took them, so you can re-dose in at least three hours.''
She smiled. He was kind of sweet, wasn't he? '' Yes, sir. Thank you.'' And because she decided it was allowed, she reached out and ran her fingers over his cheek. She felt the flicker of his smile, then pulled her fingers away as he laid his head down on his arm. '' Night, Colonel.''
'' Night, Major.''