Waiting for Zax
-
Sunset trickles down through the spaces in the unfinished plate above, raining red through cracks in the sky. She stands outside her house, and the field of flowers behind her have closed to sleep. Sunset glints off her heavy cuffs, off the buttons on her jacket and her dress, soaks into the red and pink fabric and twines in twisted chestnut hair. Only her green eyes speak of other colors, sad and innocent, green as seedlings pushing their way to the sun.
She has been waiting here every day for a year.
-
"Aerith, I don't think you should be seeing him."
"Mom! He's fine. He's wonderful."
"He's a SOLDIER, honey. He fights for a living."
Aerith bowed her head. Some part of her agreed, of course - she knew his hands were steeped in blood, knew that no matter how hard he tried, there would always be blood on his hands, blood that he spilled in exchange for shiny gil pieces - and when he was away, she doubted. Wondered if he would stay. Wondered what he was capable of doing to her.
But when he was by her side, laughing at stupid jokes and taking her topside to see the sights and buying her small gifts (seeds for her garden, baskets for flowers, vases for flowers, ribbons and small trinkets, only the things he knew she would use) and tying baby's breath into her hair and taking her in his arms, radiating a warmth and a light that rivaled the sun, how could she doubt him? Her proud SOLDIER, with his big easy smile and the straight white teeth that showed when he laughed and his thick wild black mane that smelled of sunshine and honey, and the scar on his cheek and his big strong hands that could carry a blossom as well as a sword, and his blazing eyes like pieces of sky that he had brought down for her - how could she fear anything in that man's arms?
"I love you," he would say in quiet moments, gazing into her eyes with open, admiring wonder, in a small soft voice like he was afraid the image in front of him would shatter, so sincerely that he couldn't not mean it.
"I love him," Aerith told her mother, setting her jaw stubbornly. "He's wonderful and I love him."
Elmyra shook her head, sad and slow, and sat down. "What will you do if he dies?"
Unspoken was the memory of many years ago - a small girl begging her mother not to cry, knowing before Elmyra of her husband's passing - and Aerith shook her head slowly.
"...I'll never forget him."
Her mother looked up sadly, and smiled.
"You never do."
-
The red rain is fading. She holds a hand to her chest, making a fist over her heartbeat as though she could catch it and still the ache inside. It is growing darker, and soon there will be stars, burning in the sky like the eyes of a million dead SOLDIERs. She looks to the dark red sky, and silently she calls to the earth beneath her feet, begging for an answer, begging to know if his eyes have joined the multitude that stare from the sky, begging to know if she is now alone.
The Planet tells her nothing, and she must continue to wonder.
-
"You're beautiful."
Aerith looked up, smiling coyly.
"You say that at least twice a day."
Zax raised one hand solmenly, placing the other over his heart. "SOLDIER's honor. Gotta tell the truth, you know."
"Flirt." Aerith stuck her tongue out at him and then rose to her feet, brushing the dust off her dress and picking up her flower basket, letting it hang loosely in the crook of her elbow as she moved to sit beside him. "Here's one for you. Free of charge."
"Charmed." He twirled the blossom in his fingers. "It's pretty. What is it?"
"Crysanthemum." She gave him a peck on his cheek and searched through the basket again. "And here... clover. Lilac, oh, I love the way they smell.."
Zax gazed bemusedly at the developing bouquet in his hands as Aerith tucked two more flowers into his grasp. "Violet, and most importantly.... forget-me-not."
"Are you trying to tell me something?" Zax asked, the joking lilt to his tone only half there.
"Maybe," Aerith said obliquely, and scooted closer to him. After a moment, she spoke again: "Zax, if you have to go far away to fight... come back. If you ever desert me... I'll never forgive you."
Still clutching the flowers in one hand, Zax turned her face towards him gently, tilting her chin so he could look her in the eyes.
"Aerith, I'm not gonna leave you. Okay? As long as I'm able, I'll always come back to you, even if I have to drag myself the whole way with my hands."
Her smile, hesitant only for a second, was like the sun breaking through the stormclouds, and Zax could almost see a great weight lifting from her eyes, and he suddenly felt he understood the significance of her floral message, even if he didn't know that language.
Aerith would never know it, but even when the forget-me-not - the most important flower she had given him - dried out and died, Zax kept it with him in a plastic case, and it lasted until Cloud, borrowing Zax's clothes and Zax's life, wondered why there was a dry, wilted flower in his pocket.
-
Sunset dies, gently and without a cry, as though drifting into some otherworldly sleep. The stars are coming out, and in the night's darkness, her hues of pink and red and gold and green fade to shades of grey. It is time to stop waiting. He has been too long away - he is not coming back. She turns, and gazes up at the sky, then shakes her head and slips inside. She does not know that far away, he presses cold hands to a wall of glass, and scratches words into his prison with his fingernails, and keeps himself living for years in his own private hell - keeps living for the sake of the friend beside him, and the girl he left behind. He waits for the time to escape. He waits for the day he will hold her in his arms again. And she, turned shades of grey by the sorrow of waiting, will never know until the day she dies. All she knows now is that she is alone.
True to her word, she does not forgive. And she does not forget.
-
(Flower symbolism:
Crysanthemum - love
Clover - be mine
Lilac - first love
Violet - faithfulness
Forget-me-not - love/don't forget me)
-
Sunset trickles down through the spaces in the unfinished plate above, raining red through cracks in the sky. She stands outside her house, and the field of flowers behind her have closed to sleep. Sunset glints off her heavy cuffs, off the buttons on her jacket and her dress, soaks into the red and pink fabric and twines in twisted chestnut hair. Only her green eyes speak of other colors, sad and innocent, green as seedlings pushing their way to the sun.
She has been waiting here every day for a year.
-
"Aerith, I don't think you should be seeing him."
"Mom! He's fine. He's wonderful."
"He's a SOLDIER, honey. He fights for a living."
Aerith bowed her head. Some part of her agreed, of course - she knew his hands were steeped in blood, knew that no matter how hard he tried, there would always be blood on his hands, blood that he spilled in exchange for shiny gil pieces - and when he was away, she doubted. Wondered if he would stay. Wondered what he was capable of doing to her.
But when he was by her side, laughing at stupid jokes and taking her topside to see the sights and buying her small gifts (seeds for her garden, baskets for flowers, vases for flowers, ribbons and small trinkets, only the things he knew she would use) and tying baby's breath into her hair and taking her in his arms, radiating a warmth and a light that rivaled the sun, how could she doubt him? Her proud SOLDIER, with his big easy smile and the straight white teeth that showed when he laughed and his thick wild black mane that smelled of sunshine and honey, and the scar on his cheek and his big strong hands that could carry a blossom as well as a sword, and his blazing eyes like pieces of sky that he had brought down for her - how could she fear anything in that man's arms?
"I love you," he would say in quiet moments, gazing into her eyes with open, admiring wonder, in a small soft voice like he was afraid the image in front of him would shatter, so sincerely that he couldn't not mean it.
"I love him," Aerith told her mother, setting her jaw stubbornly. "He's wonderful and I love him."
Elmyra shook her head, sad and slow, and sat down. "What will you do if he dies?"
Unspoken was the memory of many years ago - a small girl begging her mother not to cry, knowing before Elmyra of her husband's passing - and Aerith shook her head slowly.
"...I'll never forget him."
Her mother looked up sadly, and smiled.
"You never do."
-
The red rain is fading. She holds a hand to her chest, making a fist over her heartbeat as though she could catch it and still the ache inside. It is growing darker, and soon there will be stars, burning in the sky like the eyes of a million dead SOLDIERs. She looks to the dark red sky, and silently she calls to the earth beneath her feet, begging for an answer, begging to know if his eyes have joined the multitude that stare from the sky, begging to know if she is now alone.
The Planet tells her nothing, and she must continue to wonder.
-
"You're beautiful."
Aerith looked up, smiling coyly.
"You say that at least twice a day."
Zax raised one hand solmenly, placing the other over his heart. "SOLDIER's honor. Gotta tell the truth, you know."
"Flirt." Aerith stuck her tongue out at him and then rose to her feet, brushing the dust off her dress and picking up her flower basket, letting it hang loosely in the crook of her elbow as she moved to sit beside him. "Here's one for you. Free of charge."
"Charmed." He twirled the blossom in his fingers. "It's pretty. What is it?"
"Crysanthemum." She gave him a peck on his cheek and searched through the basket again. "And here... clover. Lilac, oh, I love the way they smell.."
Zax gazed bemusedly at the developing bouquet in his hands as Aerith tucked two more flowers into his grasp. "Violet, and most importantly.... forget-me-not."
"Are you trying to tell me something?" Zax asked, the joking lilt to his tone only half there.
"Maybe," Aerith said obliquely, and scooted closer to him. After a moment, she spoke again: "Zax, if you have to go far away to fight... come back. If you ever desert me... I'll never forgive you."
Still clutching the flowers in one hand, Zax turned her face towards him gently, tilting her chin so he could look her in the eyes.
"Aerith, I'm not gonna leave you. Okay? As long as I'm able, I'll always come back to you, even if I have to drag myself the whole way with my hands."
Her smile, hesitant only for a second, was like the sun breaking through the stormclouds, and Zax could almost see a great weight lifting from her eyes, and he suddenly felt he understood the significance of her floral message, even if he didn't know that language.
Aerith would never know it, but even when the forget-me-not - the most important flower she had given him - dried out and died, Zax kept it with him in a plastic case, and it lasted until Cloud, borrowing Zax's clothes and Zax's life, wondered why there was a dry, wilted flower in his pocket.
-
Sunset dies, gently and without a cry, as though drifting into some otherworldly sleep. The stars are coming out, and in the night's darkness, her hues of pink and red and gold and green fade to shades of grey. It is time to stop waiting. He has been too long away - he is not coming back. She turns, and gazes up at the sky, then shakes her head and slips inside. She does not know that far away, he presses cold hands to a wall of glass, and scratches words into his prison with his fingernails, and keeps himself living for years in his own private hell - keeps living for the sake of the friend beside him, and the girl he left behind. He waits for the time to escape. He waits for the day he will hold her in his arms again. And she, turned shades of grey by the sorrow of waiting, will never know until the day she dies. All she knows now is that she is alone.
True to her word, she does not forgive. And she does not forget.
-
(Flower symbolism:
Crysanthemum - love
Clover - be mine
Lilac - first love
Violet - faithfulness
Forget-me-not - love/don't forget me)