A/N: Thank you Dark Moon for that nice review. Now, what you will see next may be insulting for Americans but I don't know. What do you think?
Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J.K. Rowling. The Marauders' Butt is a trademark of mine.
Chapter 3
Chaos in Space
"Wingardium Leviosa!" The underwear flew higher as Voldemort cast the spell on it. Wormtail and him were a few 1679 miles above the ground in space WITHOUT a spacesuit. It was amazing that at a great height, the crowd at Sussex still can see the purple underwear.
Suddenly, a silhouette of a small boy on a broomstick appeared in the sky. Meanwhile, Harry can't control his Firebolt since the micro gravity was speeding up his broomstick. Then he saw them.
"Whee! This is fun!" said Voldemort.
"I agree, my lord. This is fantastic! We will earn fame in an instant! Look, that Potter boy also wants a front seat."
"Cool, Wormtail. Over here, Potter!" Sadly, Harry couldn't control the broomstick and the Firebolt's "head" struck Voldemort's *ahem*. In the howling pain, he did not realise the Wingardium Leviosa spell had ran out and the underwear had blocked the sun, causing an undie eclipse.
"Give the underwear back!" Harry turned back. Dumbledore was in a spacesuit, riding on a Silver Arrow. "Cool," said Harry. "Where did you get the spacesuit?"
"Well...erm...borrowed it?"
At NASA.....
*loud alarm* "Another spacesuit is stolen. Another spacesuit is stolen."
"Never mind. Anyway, Voldemort needs to know how it feels to have no underwear to wear."
Saying that, Dumbledore pointed his wand at Voldie. "DIFFINDO!"
There was a ripping sound in the air as Voldie's robes were ripped out. What had happened is too graphic to be told.
When Voldemort saw his new state and went hysterically mad. He soon flew around, laughing like his mad self. Soon, he was covering the Sun and now, he had joined the underwear.
Too bad, the Americans didn't know anything about the show in Sussex or Lord Voldemort.
Inn D. Pink, the Chairman of the Secret Organization of the Space Asylum, was probably one of the thinnest men on Earth. If he ever bothered to compare himself to a scarecrow, he probably won't make much of a difference. He had very sinister eyes that would even make Snape envy, pointed chin, and spindly fingers like a Muggle's interpretation of a witch.
Back to the story, this man met with his mates at the Secret Telescope of the Space Asylum.
"There are things that are happening lately. Two spacesuits were stolen and now, looking at this telescope, an Unidentified Flying Object is discovered. It looks like a pair of underpants or something like that. And look, I've discovered something else."
"What?" the curious Secretary asked.
"Intelligent life. It's in humanoid form and now it's...erm..."
"What?!"
"It's...erm...in the...nude..."
"TURN THE TELESCOPE OFF!"
"Wait. I think that naked alien is the madman who escaped from an asylum in England. The reward is 3 million pounds! We must get him! Corporal, launch your space craft and capture him. If he strikes back, use space missiles,"
"YES, SIR!"
Meanwhile, the space fleet launched and now are heading towards our heroes. The Sergeant talked through radio, "Pimple, what do you see?"
"I see the alien. It's laughing like mad. I see another alien not in the nude and now is going to Earth. Two other aliens, wearing the stolen spacesuits, are on broomsticks, circling round and round and round and.....
"Whoa! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!" Harry and Dumbledore screamed as they looped, spinned, rolled and crashed into each other.
"They are not broomsticks...they are BOMBS! Could you recognize a bomb in a broomstick?"
At the Burrow.....
"What do you see?" asked Ron.
"I need to zoom in," said Hermione with the Omniculars, "They are about 2500 miles away, probably above the Moon."
In space....
She was right! Now Harry and the mad gang are gliding above the surface of the Moon. In Harry's perspective, everything were just blurs of white, gray, black, green and red.
"LAUNCH SPACE MISSILES!"
Then, the huge missiles took into space. The naked Voldie looked and shouted, "FRIENDS!" He floated right in front of the moving missile and waved his hands about. Unfortunately, the system was accidentally set to ANTI-LOCK TARGET MODE. The missiles only missed him. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! NO FRIENDS!!! WAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" He cried so loud, the black holes could have sucked themselves.
The rocket shook violently.
"The alien has a powerful defense system. Probably extra-terrestial powers," said Randall Rainhead, the rocket pilot.
"And now he is replying it with a micro gravity spacequake!" shouted Cody Cockerel, the co-pilot.
"OH! Back to the show! Now I need a pair of trousers this time...." said Voldemort.
"AAAARRRGGHHH!!!!"
"Err...Houston, we have a problem," said Cody, "Em....Randall's ..er...pants...er...disappeared?"
"WEEEE!!!"
The pants flew in space floating around in the darkness of space. In Earth was also dark, because of the "undie eclipse".
"We have no choice but to zoom the spaceship into him!" said Cody.
"Anything to get my pants back!!!"
Cody pushed a lever and the spaceship zoomed faster and faster straight into Voldemort. Meanwhile, Harry and Dumbledore was having the best time ever......
"AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! WWWWHHOOOAAAA!!!!!" they screamed as they smashed into each other for the 200th time. The tip of their broomstick were bent and some splinters of the wood pointed out. BANG!!!! That was their 201st crash.
"Whoa a big friend! Come!" said Voldemort as he glided into the rocket's range.
But, remember the ANTI LOCK-TARGET MODE? Soon, it missed Voldemort and the rocket whammed the underwear, causing it to rip out. The Earth had light again. But the spaceship steered with its nose heading towards Voldemort.
*beep* *beep*
"What's this?" said Cody as he looked down to the floor. Unfortunately, his shoulder pushed the steering wheel.
The spaceship tilted sideways and the wing bashed Voldemort and he back flipped. His teeth fell out.
Cody looking back up saw the teeth and shouted, "He is releasing bombs from his mouth!"
"Keep the distance from the bombs and use the robotic arm to capture it!" said Randall covering underwear that was exposed.
Then, the robotic arm of the rocket, made a sudden movement and grabbed Voldemort. He just said, "MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I GOT FRIENDS!" He disappeared into the rocket cabin.
"WE...CAN'T....CONTROL.....OUR......BROOMSTICKS!!!!!!!"
"WE MUST MAKE A RE-ENTRY BACK TO EARTH. On the count to three, we shift the broomstick's position towards Earth,"
But there wasn't any need of the count to three. After all, the broomsticks were out of control.
"Er...Professor, I'm going down! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!" Both of them were diving back to Earth, screaming their heads off. The Earth was getting bigger, twirling and spinning. The broomsticks dived downwards faster and faster and faster and....
At the Burrow....
"What now? WHAT NOW?!!"
"Be patient. Wait...I see two hypersonic objects getting closer, rolling and spinning about."
"Hypersonic?"
"Meaning more than 5 times the speed of sound. Hmmm.....I guess they are at Mach 70. That's much more than 5 times the speed of sound!"
"Mach?"
"Mach 70 means 70 times the speed of sound! Really, I think you should take on Muggle Studies."
In space.....
The spaceship maneuvered behind and glided downwards. Then the fuel burned and the rockets ignited. It went back to the Earth's atmosphere for a re-entry. Well...not only the spaceship was having the re-entry....
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
The two broomsticks inverted and spun downwards. Looping and twisting like two professional airplane stuntmen. Now they are at the Ionosphere and then the Mesosphere and the Stratosphere.
"YYYAVGAGHHHSGGGGYYUUUUUYAA!!!"
The two people could not even scream properly. Their mouths expanded flapping behind their cheeks exposing their teeth. And their eyes protruded from their sockets. And they are at the Troposphere at Mach 150.
At the Burrow.....
"I don't see them anymore. They have gone to the other side. I can hear their voices."
Ron and Hermione rushed to the other window and pushed up the sash. When the window was open....CRASH!!!!!!!!
A blanket of smoke hung in the room. The two broomsticks accurately flew into the open window, crashing Ron and Hermione at their faces.
"ZISAPOOKETADIWONKA!" said Ron and Hermione with spirals in their eyes before they collapsed again.
Harry and Dumbledore coughed as they stood and searched for their broomsticks in the smoke. They were surprised that it still worked despite the bent tip and splinters and the tilted tail.
"Whoa! Can't believed we survived that! I thought it will go on and on forever!" said Harry as he got out of his spacesuit.
When both of the "astronauts" got out of the spacesuit. Dumbledore shouted with his wand pointing at Ron and Hermione.
"ENERVATE!"
The two victims stood up still feeling dizzy.
"I see stars!" said both of them in unison.
"Sorry about your underwear, professor," apologized Harry.
"Never mind, I got a whole wardrobe of them!" said Dumbledore with a smile in his face.
A/N: The end of Chapter 3. Coming soon on the story:
HINT: A simple trip to Diagon Alley will never be the same again! Furthermore, what will happen to our hero, Lord Voldemort?