Disclaimers: The song is Fiona's, the boys belong to some production company somewhere, not making any money from this, you know the routine.
Spoilers: none (I hope!)
Notes:
Feedback: Pretty please? With little chibis on top? (You pick which ones ~_^) Post here, or you can e-mail me at insanewritinggirl@yahoo.com
Never Let You Go
Chapter 18
by quelirain
| Honey, help me out of this mess
I'm a stranger to myself Don't reach for me, I'm too far away
--Fiona Apple, "The Child is Gone" |
At the hospital, Relena slumped against a wall outside of one of the patient's rooms. She'd changed into jeans and a blouse at Milliardo's insistence; now she was glad she had listened to him.
Although the majority of injures involved concussions and bruises, Heero had managed to put one of her guards into a coma, although he was fully expected to come around any day now. The other guard had acquired several broken bones at Heero's hands in addition to a laceration that no matter how Relena insisted, the guard refused to explain.
Relena's apologizes and thanks had been well-received all around.
That could have more to do with the unconditional offer of covering all
their hospital bills and allowing them as much time off as they needed,
but no one, not the conscious guard or any of the friends and family that
had been visiting, seemed to blame her for Heero's behavior; they were
worried about her safety, with so many of them out of comission and Heero
on the loose. Of course, that loyalty had been drilled into all her
guards
during training and orientation, but the families... they were so quick
to forgive. Her apologies, even before she volunteered to cover all
bills, were met with headshaking and shrugs.
"She was injured doing what she loved." "He knew what he was getting into when he took the position." "He isn't angry; why should I be?" "I'm just glad she'll be all right."
And then, of course, the guard who was conscious was absolutely forgiving. He offered her a tissue when she began to cry silently as she apologized over and over to him.
"But Miss Relena," he'd said quietly, "This is why I am here. I would rather be here, for you and your peace, than have you be here and the peace be gone."
Relena wasn't certain that she would be so pardoning, in the same position. Her stupidity and self-centeredness had created a mess.
"Are you going to continue to berate yourself for that which you've been forgiven?" came a voice to her side. Relena jumped and turned to see Wufei sitting there. "Trowa has found Duo; they've decided to look for Quatre."
Relena blinked, this time her heart jumping. "Everyone's all right."
"I spoke with Trowa; both he and Duo are fine. They have not heard from Quatre since we spoke to him." Wufei looked at her. "Milliardo is waiting. Are you ready to go?" He stood.
"Wufei." He turned to face Relena. She approached him, then slowly wrapped her arms around his waist. Wufei stiffened. "Thank you," she whispered.
At her words, the boy sighed and bent his arms around her, squeezing her shoulders briefly before extricating himself from the embrace. His face was stony, but his eyes were bright. "Heero loves you," he said, "and Duo does as well." He touched the chain of Duo's cross where it lay on her neck. "Choose wisely, princess." Then he was gone.
Relena said her goodbyes to the guards and their family before heading for the main entrance of the hospital. She had made a good start, but there was still a lot to be done before she would be able to look herself in the mirror again. She suspected Milliardo would be eager to leave; he was eager to rebuild her reputation.
Her limosine pulled up into the drive-through at the front of the hospital; the plates matched what Heero had her memorize. Relena groaned inwardly. Quickly, she reached for the door handle and slid into the backseat of the car, hoping that no one had noticed her. "Milliardo, if you're going to keep me low profile, you can't just pick me up in a limo! Where's..." she trailed off as she realized that although she wasn't alone in the backseat, it wasn't Milliardo who was in the backseat with her.
"Buckle up," Heero said quietly, hitting the privacy window once with the palm of his hand. The car pulled away.
Relena started as the car moved. Heero reached over her for her seat belt, his hands gently snapping the belt snugly around her waist. After he moved back, she stared at him.
His hair was messy, as usual, but even in the shadows of the limosine, she could make out dark patterns on his pale skin. He wore a white dress shirt, sleeves neatly buttoned at the wrist. She could see the edge of a bandage peeking out from under his left sleeve as he moved to buckle himself in. Khaki pants, white socks, and dress shoes completed the outfit. He looked like Quatre had dressed him, something which Relena actually found rather comforting--if Quatre had dressed Heero, it meant that Quatre was all right.
Heero stared out the window, carefully avoiding her gaze. The angle of his head hid the worst of the fading bruises. Relena folded her hands in her lap to keep from reaching to turn his head so she could examine him. Apparently Wufei had been right about Quatre. Even though he had settled into the life of a businessman, he had been a Gundam pilot, not to mention his sisters--he had to know how to fight, and he seemed to have held his own against anextremely on-edge and possibly drugged Heero. She filed that away for future reference.
There were questions that she wanted to ask him, things that needed to be said, but she kept silent. This was his show; she was going to let him run it as he would. She needed to finish thinking, anyway. She still wasn't sure what she wanted from him, and as the car rolled smoothly on, it occurred to her that maybe she wouldn't be certain until she knew what Heero's motives were.
He had closed his eyes now, and appeared to be sleeping, but Relena suspected he was having the same struggle she was. //What do you say to someone you've betrayed?// she wondered. //An apology isn't enough, but I'm not sure I can offer him more.//
She reached up to graze the cross underneath her shirt lightly with her fingertips, but her eyes remained on Heero's still form. //Which? Which one? I betrayed them both, but it seems that I can only have the forgiveness of one or the other... is this what Wufei meant when he told me to choose wisely? I don't want to hurt either of them... but I have to hurt one of them... how can I stop hurting people? What do I have to do?//
The car was stopping now, and Relena shivered, her gaze and her hands dropping into her lap.
"Cold?"
Relena looked up to see Heero looking at her. She shook her head. "Where are we?"
"Here." The car door opened. Relena squinted against the light to make out the features on the figure holding the door. The shadowy shape tossed something to Heero, then stepped back. Heero exited the car, then reached a hand in to help Relena out. She tried to move, but found herself restrained.
"Belt." Heero reached inside to unclasp the seat belt he'd carefully latched. His voice was low and laced with affection. Relena's heart lightened. If he still used that rumbling, intimate tone with her, maybe there was still a chance that this could work out. She reached out and grasped Heero's hand, easing out of the limousine.
A blonde with a chaffeur's cap and dark suit stood next to Heero. He wore large, dark sunglasses and leather gloves, obscuring his features. She waited as the chaffeur murmured something to Heero, who nodded.
"Come on." He grabbed her hand again and pulled her toward the apartment building that they'd pulled up in front of. Heero stepped inside, unlocking both security doors and calling the elevator, holding her hand the entire time.
There were still no words between them, although to Relena it was now obvious that Heero had something he wanted to say. //Trying to anticipate Heero is what got me in this mess in the first place; maybe it's a bad idea to try and guess what he's thinking, when, if I just ask him, he'll probably tell me.//
The elevator arrived with a chime, and they got in.
//Maybe... maybe I should just listen, and not worry about speaking... and if I should have to say anything, it should be honest. From the heart. Heero loves me. He _loves_ me.//
//And if I beg him now, he might still take me back.//
The cross shifted against her chest as the elevator ground to a halt.
//"Next time you see Heero, you could tell him that we weren't sleeping together and that it's all been a big misunderstanding. He'd believe you. Should I expect you to do that?"
"Do you want me to tell Heero it was a big misunderstanding?"
"Do you want to?"//
She blinked at the memory of Duo's words.
//I can't do that to Duo.//
Heero, still holding her hand, pulled her from the elevator and into the hallway, keys in his other hand. He unlocked a door and led her inside.
~owari chapter 18~