A/N: Sorry this took so long. And thank you again, Dark Moon, for reviewing this. Oh, I read your story, The Unwanted House. Nice, but poor guy, he keeps getting tortured by more chores. Anyway, on with the story. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belongs to J.K. Rowling. Taxxas, Andalites, Yeerks and Hork-Bajir belongs to K.A. Applegate.

Chapter 4

The "Perilous" Journey

"Phew! We did it! Voldie is captured!" There was a celebration that night when the Weasleys found out everything, from the undie eclipse to the capture of the naked Lord.

Suddenly, Dumbledore spoke, "This is entirely wrong."

The balloon Ron was holding slowly began to deflate.

"What? You-Know-Who will no longer bother any of us!"

"Don't you know, Weasley? Lord Voldemort..."

Everyone except Harry shuddered.

"...will be brought somewhere we don't know. If he is questioned, he will tell everything about our world, about Hogwarts, about Diagon Alley, about Quidditch, about wizards and lastly, about The Boy Who Lived. Don't you see? We got to rescue him and Obliviate the entire world so no one will remember anything."

"Okay...what should we do?"

"Well, go to the United States of America and find where he is now..."

At the Space Asylum...

Inn was strolling back and forth and looking at his Corporal.

"Good. Now, identify the other aliens."

The Corporal pressed some buttons and the CGI figures of Harry and Dumbledore.

"This alien is riding on a broomstick...I mean bomb, sir. His distinguishing mark is a lightning mark on his forehead. But, sir...he looks like a human boy..."

"DON'T BE FOOLED! HE IS AN ALIEN! HE'S WEARING A COSTUME! INSIDE IS A GREEN, SLIMY, WOBBLY ALIEN THAT IS MADE OF BLOBS OF FAT AND HAS LITTLE WORMY THINGS PROTRUDING FROM IT! HE IS A FEMICADRON! UNDER SECTION 5A, SUBSECTION 4BR5 IN THE ALIEN MANUAL AND UNDER SECTION 16F, SUBSECTION 9PU1 IN THE EXTRATERRESTRIALS DICTIONARY."

"Ok. Now the older alien has a beard...I mean FAKE beard, wears a pointy hat and has map on his knee..."

"MAP? What map?"

"Well. This map is burned on his knee. Looks like a map of the Underground in London..."

"Underground? Maybe the fools want to capture the Queen and rape her!"

"NO! Maybe, they will transform the Underground into their centre of their empire!"

"Fortunately, they did not make it here..."

"Actually, they did," the Secretary said.

Inn and the Corporal went to the Secretary's screen. They saw the video of how Dumbledore and Harry screamed on their re-entry.

"THEY'RE SCREAMING WITH LAUGHTER! THEY ARE INVADING THE PLANET! THE FEMICADRONS MUST BE STOPPED!"

"There cannot be just three. Three can't invade Earth. They must have an army to invade."

"You mean...half of this planet could be FILLED WITH THESE CREATURES?"

"Maybe."

"This is bad! WE MUST STOP THEM!!"

"But how?"

"I think I've got it!"

Inn walked to control panel and leaned towards the two-way radio.

"Advance defense systems to 150-Gordno!"

Inn ran to the tunnel followed by the Corporal. They then reached at a large room that was actually a glass dome. He went to a small panel at one end and took a key. He inserted the key in a slot. In a second the panel flashed with lights on the buttons and levers.

"I would launch 4 radar trackers to the 4 corners of the Earth and the data will be sent directly to the computer!"

Outside with their backs facing the building about half a mile from the dome is two long brass pipes laying down that were connected to a block.

Inn pushed a button on a lever and tilted it backwards. At the same time the two cannons raised up with steam coming from the machine. Using a joystick, he controlled the cannon and turned it to the right. Inn pressed another button and it flipped open revealing a small lever. He pushed it and the cannon released smoke at the back end. Then fire blasted from that end. It turned from yellow to red and then to blue. A small missile blasted from one rocket and then another. Then the other cannon blasted two more small missiles and they soared across the sky and into space.

"Now by pressing this button I will track down the whole planet," said Inn with delight.

He pushed a red button on the panel. Then a screen on the control panel flashed in red:

RADAR TRACKERS ACTIVATING

IN T-10 SECONDS

"..9...8...7...6..5.." said Inn with excitement as the screen flashed from 10 to 1.

"...1...ACTIVATED!!!"

The screen then flashed green. Then it flickered with colours and finally a radar view from the tracker shown. Inn pressed a blue button and the radar changed view. He tested all the other tracker's view and then moved to a computer on the other side of the room.

"Now by using GMC, or Global Map Connector, I will connect all four radar maps to get the view of the whole world!" shouted Inn as he twiddled with the knobs, pulled and pushed the levers, twisted the dials and pushed the buttons.

Soon enough there was a whole world radar on the computer screen.

"Soon, all aliens, Femicadrons, Taxxas, Andalites, Hork-Bajir, Yeerks and etc. etc. will fall upon the wrath and wit of DR. INN D. PINK! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The Corporal whispered to the Secretary, "I wonder why his mother gave him that name."

At Hogwarts II (A/N: Remember, in the original story, it got blown up.)...

"But, how? The whole world is being guarded by tight security!"

Dumbledore thought of Hermione's sentence. Yes, it was true. He just read the news that security was getting tight. The borders of the states and countries were guarded. The seas were filled with sonar-equipped submarines. And now, they have started a spot-check before passengers can enter the airplanes.

Suddenly, Dumbledore thought of an idea, an idea so brilliant a genius couldn't possibly get across.

He turned to his ex-convict friend, Sirius Black. Last term, he was set free from the iron clutches of the Ministry of Magic because Wormtail surrendered himself and sent a slimy clone in his place.

"Let's go, Sirius."

At the Burrow, Dumbledore told his plan.

"From Muggle news, the world is not a safe place. Yes, Hermione, we can't sneak out. But why invent all sorts of 'spy' plans when we could use...the magical way?"

Hermione immediately replied, "Broomsticks? We can't! The sky is now filled with radar..."

"Of course not, Granger."

"Of course, FLOO POWDER!"

"But the people around could easily suspect paranormal activity. And besides, American wizards don't use fireplaces."

"Why haven't I thought of it, professor! APPARATION!"

"Yes, Granger, I could go there in a flash but what about yourselves? No, I mean..."

Then Sirius and Dumbledore said in unison, "PORTKEY!"

"Of course!" Harry replied. "PORTKEY! Such a brilliant idea!"

Dumbledore picked up the magic phone. "There are several Portkeys here that lead us to U.S.A. But they are only open during Quidditch World Cup matches. I have to contact the Portkey Network to give us one."

He "magicked" the phone so that the conversation can be heard around the house. This is the script form:

Operator: Hello. This is Whiztele Networks Incorporated. How may I help you?

Dumbledore: Portkey Network, please. And, don't repeat that mistake about hooking me to Fudge's Keyport Quidditch Broomsticks Trading Network. If you do, I WILL SUE YOU!

"Boy, Professor Dumbledore will be a really good haggler in the market!" whispered Harry to Ron.

Operator: Hold on while I hook you up.

Manager: Portkey Network. How may I help you?

Dumbledore: Okay. Now, sir, I want you to give us a Portkey...

Manager: Sorry, but all Portkeys are to be closed until the next Quidditch World Cup starts.

Dumbledore: But this is an emergency! We need to get to the U.S.A...

Manager: But rules are rules. No Quidditch, no Portkey.

Dumbledore: Wait! There is a Quidditch match starting right now!

Manager: Where?

Dumbledore: See that pit near the department? The Chudley Cannons are now playing against Appleby Arrows!

Manager: Yes, I see that pit! I will soon be down there. Oh wait, your Portkey will a dustbin near Ollivander's. It will be activated at precisely half past nine tomorrow. It should take you to Louisiana. I'm going in! CHUDLEY CANNONS! VRRRRROOOOOOMMMMMM!!!

"Is there a Chudley Cannons match today?" Ron asked.

"Of course not. That pit is a snake pit."

Suddenly, Dumbledore turned from his twinkling form into a more panic form.

"Oh dear. Why am I so stupid! I've heard now the authorities had made the securities inside the Underground tighter!"

Hermione then stupidly said, "We're not going to the Underground, we're going to Diagon Alley!"

"But, don't you see? To go to Ollivander's, we first need to go to Diagon Alley, and to get there, first, we need to go to the Leaky Cauldron. And to get there..."

"We need to go to the Underground," Ron continued. "There is no other way."

"Hold it!" Sirius spoke. He tapped the wardrobe using his wand three times. The wardrobe shifted from its position, opening the way to a secret room. Inside the room...

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" Hermione then fainted. *bang* *bang* *bang* *bang*.

Red Scar: CUT!!! Hey you two! You are supposed to bang the hammer once! LIKE IN THE ORIGINAL MOVIE!

Sound Effects Technician 1: We were just having fun!

Sound Effects Technician 2: *giggle*

Red Scar: Hey, you're not my sound effects technicians. You're Fred and George. GET OUT OF THE SET, YOU BUMBLING IDIOTS!

Harry looked inside. It can't be it, he thought, or can it?

Inside...was the horror that haunted Hermione Granger for an entire term, that changed the students' lives forever and also changed Hogwarts forever.

It was...the Marauders' Butt.

12 inches tall, 16 inches wide and 5 inches thick. But, wait a second....

"Wait a second! It looks bigger than the old one!" said Harry to Sirius.

"This," Sirius said, "is the latest effort and so far, the best us Marauders performed. This is the MARAUDERS' BUTT V2! Now let me see now..."

"How it happened to be in our house?!" Ron asked.

"During our time, the Burrow was uninhabited. So, it became our "summer holiday hideout". Now, I keep my most important things in my pockets, so please wait a millisec."

So, he dug furiously in his pockets and took out a Dungbomb. He twiddled with it and then threw it. But it landed straight onto Hermione. Some brown muck, he threw it again and it landed on Hermione. Play-Do, and a History of Magic test paper with a big red F written over the whole paper. Sirius kissed it and threw it. "It must be here, somewhere, I kept it so carefully so that ol' McGonagall will not see this. It's for experimental uses, you know. AHA!" He took out an old crumpled piece of parchment and gave it to Harry. He read out aloud:

THE MARAUDER'S BUTT V2

THE METHODS OF HANDLING THIS MACHINE IS THE SAME AS THE ORIGINAL MACHINE. CLEAN IT BY WASHING IT WITH SOFT MUD. IF NOT WORKING PROPERLY, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REPAIR IT YOURSELF. CALL 1-800-1901-I-STINK OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE AT WWW.STINKYMUCUS.COM.I.LOVE.STENCH TO ENQUIRE SIRIUS BLACK TO OPERATE THE SURGERY.

BONUS FEATURES: SULPHUR FART GAS (5 SHORT TAPS, 3 LONG TAPS), INVISIBLE DUNGBOMBS (6 SHORT TAPS, 4 LONG TAPS) AND INCREASING OF BROWN MUCK PRESSURE (8 SHORT TAPS, 1 LONG TAPS). 60 FEET RADIUS MAP OF SURROUNDINGS (9 SHORT TAPS). ALSO GUARANTEED: PORTABLE! JUST MAKE IT TOUCH YOUR BUTT AND IT WILL BE YOUR BUTT! TOUCH YOUR BUTT (IT MUST BE DIRECT CONTACT BETWEEN HAND AND BUTT TO WORK) AND THE MACHINE WILL APPEAR ON YOUR HAND! WARNING: DO NOT MAKE CONTACT BETWEEN THE MACHINE AND YOUR OTHER ANATOMY PARTS (EXCEPTION FOR HANDS).

"I am AWFULLY proud of this creation. It can easily beat our original to pieces," said Sirius crying with joy. At the same time Hermione finally woke up but at the wrong time. Dumbledore was stuffing a foul-tasting Anti-Faint pill in her mouth.

Dumbledore said, "This should help us on our journey."

Hermione, who was wobbling back and forth from the taste of the pill said, "But still, it's no use. We still can't get past the soldiers in the Underground!"

Dumbledore then turned to Harry, "There is something in your possession that can also help us."

Harry immediately replied, "The Marauders' Map is no use. It only shows a map of Hogwarts!" Then, he knew what he meant. The Invisibility Cloak.

Then he said, "Professor, can it fit all five of underneath?"

"No, but a spell should help us do so."

Then, Harry knew what spell. The Engorgio Spell.

Dumbledore explained, "We shall wake up at seven sharp. The way to the Leaky Cauldron is risky. We mustn't dilly. We mustn't dally. What a day it's going to be tomorrow!"

A/N: Chapter 5 coming out soon! Sorry for the delay! Please R/R!