Harry: WE MISSED GETTING HIS AUTOGRAPH!!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!
Ron: Bloody protestors chased him away the moment we came out of that bloody grave!
Hermione: Hey, I'm getting something. *looks at PC monitor* Like a radio signal or something in the air!
Ron: Where? WHERE?
Hermione: I think it's coming from...*types several codes and presses ENTER* the SECRET LOCATION!
Harry: Why is a radio signal flying from the SECRET LOCATION?
Ron: Wait a minute! What if that signal is coming from...
All: HIM!!!!
Harry: Hermione, get that damn computer running and pick up that signal!
Hermione: *places satellite dish and connects it with computer* *punches more codes into computer* *message appears on screen*
A/N: For those who were smart to pick up this signal, I reward him or her with my latest 16th chapter, the final ingredient of the escape. To tell you the truth, I was in the SECRET LOCATION. Peaceful and quiet. In fact so peaceful, I feel more insane than ever. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
Okay, maybe I'm not as insane as I was. How would a Playstation 2 without an owner suddenly DROP into the SECRET LOCATION? Who knows, but it happened to me there. Started playing Final Fantasy X. Cool.
I'm sorry I took a pretty long time to update this but I do not seem to have the time. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Ron: He better be.
Anyway, enjoy this chapter as my apologies present. Oh, and happy hols. Have a good winter. A good BLOODY winter. MUAHAHAHA. And I also set a bomb at the end of this chapter. No kiddin'. It's gonna really work at your computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kidding!
Harry: *about a mile from the computer by now* CRAP!!!!!!!! SON OF A *censor* BLAST-ENDED SKREWT!!!!!!!!!
Ron: In fact, what is the meaning of fu*censor* anyway?
Back at the Studio.....
Red Scar: You nearly exposed that foul word, DID YOU KNOW THAT?
Censorship Technician: Sorry!
Back in the Signaling Computer Room....
Hermione: Maybe *censor* means 'very good'.
Harry: OH!!!! Hermione, you are a *censor* person.
Hermione: Thank you.
Insanity Degree: (please refer to Chapter 14)
Disclaimer: HARRY POTTER, characters, names and related indicia belongs to Warner Bros. Harry Potter Publishing Rights belong to J.K. Rowling.
Chapter 16
The Elude (Final Part [A/N: FINALLY!!!!!!])
Dumbledore took his loaded rifle and told them, "When I give you the signal, Ron, you must place the Uncoupling Device on the chain between the ambush carriage and the train. At the same time, Harry, you must place this coal stone into the main funnel. Do you understand?"
"Yes sir!"
"I will attempt to shoot that lever between the railroads so that the carriage will enter the wrong railroad, AND.."
"...ensure the passengers that they will be needing their spare aspirins," Sirius continued with a glee.
"...and put some spikes down there to really MAKE sure they use their aspirins!" said Remus.
"But how," asked Hermione, "can they take their aspirins in 2 seconds before they end.........."
Hermione looked at everyone. She pointed her finger up.
Remus smiled and said, "Or....." He pointed down.
"HEY!" yelled Harry, "I think aspirins only kill pain in their butts!"
"Why?" asked Hermione.
"Why would they call it ass-pirins if they are not for your asses!"
"Hey cool!"
"Maybe I should use some aspirins for the Butt right here!" said Remus while slapping his butt, "Wanna see it?"
"OH NO!" said Hermione.
Then they got back to the carriage annihilation plan. One man inside the carriage stuck his head out of the window and drooled in front of the gang.
"But what happens if you miss the lever?" asked Ron.
Hermione sighed and shouted swiftly (Yes, in 1 second) while pulling out her hair, "A DISASTROUS, CATASTROPHIC, APOCALYPTIC CALAMITY WHICH WILL CAUSE A DISASTROUS, CATASTROPHIC, APOCALYPTIC CALAMITY WHICH WILL CAUSE A........."
"STOP THIS INSTANT! You are gonna get bald, Miss Granger," assured Professor McGonagall.
"Excuse me." Everyone looked at Remus. "We are approaching the junction."
"Okay."
Dumbledore positioned himself at the carriage before the ambush carriage, and aimed his rifle.
"NOW!!!"
Ron quickly placed the Uncoupling Device on the chain linking the the last carriage and the ambush carriage. Immediately, the carriages were separated. At the same time, Harry dropped the magic coal stone into the main funnel. The train began to speed up and soon the train was passing on the railroad.
Dumbledore shot the bullet.
In a second, the junction switched, leading the ambush carriage to the broken bridge. The carriage rolled and slammed the barrier. It rocketed down the bridge and flew in the air as 'graceful' as a bird with no wings. Harry actually saw bodies falling of the carriage.
2 seconds later, an explosion was heard all over the air. Fire and sparks shot out in the air. Ash and smoke towered an amazing 10,000 feet in the air. Burning bodies were blasted in the sky. Some of them were shot into the clouds and were never seen again.
"AMBUSH CARRIAGE B-90 DOWN! TOWER C-19 AND CHEMISTRY LAB 84 DOWN. PEOPLE IN SECTOR PI PLEASE EVACUATE THROUGH INTERCROSS-CHAMBER B."
Sirius snickered. They didn't use their spare aspirins after all.
"We're approaching the station!" Professor McGonagall pointed at the tunnel which the train was getting closer.
"We're to jump on top of the tunnel!" Dumbledore exclaimed.
"Why?" Harry asked.
"Remember what I told you about the Underground system in London affecting the train systems in the USA when we were heading for Florida? It might just happen again."
"One, two...JUMP!!!"
They all leapt on top of the tunnel.
There was 1 second of silence before..........BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A large blue train slammed out of the tunnel and flew into the air. Twisting and looping it exploded in mid-air making more blazing bodies shooting all over. Even more burning debris and corpses flew out of the tunnel. The railroad de-railed itself causing another ambush plan foiled.
"AMBUSH CARRIAGE B-91 DOWN! EVACUATION ON INTERCROSS-CHAMBER B FULL!"
"Good," Dumbledore said.
They all crawled along the tunnel. At last, they finally reached their destination.
"The launch pad," Harry noticed. They looked closely at the emergency rocket standing there. Sirius found a door leading inside. He attempted to force it open but at no avail.
"We need a keycard to access the rocket," Remus Lupin explained. "But, the passengers in the train all have the keycards and they were destroyed in the explosion."
"Hey, Professor," Ron questioned, as he pointed to a clock on the control tower. "Why is there a count-down to the launch, even without anybody boarding it?"
"Must be an Auto-Launch. The rocket launches itself to avoid complications before the launch. After a few seconds, it turns on manual status. Meaning that the rocket must be turned on manually by astronauts in those few seconds. But since no one will be there to turn it on..."
"...the rocket will deactivate and fall back down..." Professor McGonagall continued, realizing the awful truth.
"...ending in a fatal explosion..."
"...AND ROASTED WIZARDS!" Ron exclaimed.
".....DOS IZ MIN FLEE LUNSCH??????" said Voldemort jumping up and down.
"NO! Now, I can find something to panic about besides spiders and exams!" replied Ron.
Harry looked at the digital clock. 3 minutes before Auto-Launch.
"We climb it," he muttered.
"What, Harry?" Dumbledore asked.
"We climb the rocket."
"ARE YOU AS MAD AS YOU-KNOW-WHO?" Ron asked, while pointing to a jumping and hopping Lord Voldemort, who happened not to be knowing anything about the awful sticky situation.
"No," replied Harry. "We climb it. And the rocket will fly up. I think that panel over there..." He pointed to a blinking red square object stuck to the surface of the rocket. "...means its Auto-Launch status. When the rocket is in mid-air and the panel changes color, we will jump off. During that time, the rocket will probably be high enough for us to jump right at the base of the mountain."
"Uh-huh," Ron said sarcastically. "Have you forgotten about the SPLAT!!! effect?"
"Don't worry. I hope Hermione might have a charm for our drop to be a little slower."
"And less dangerous," Sirius added.
Dumbledore pointed his wand at the top of the rocket. A thin silver string shot out and tied itself round the rocket. One by one, they scaled the surface of the rocket (It took them a minute to bring Voldemort as well.)
"I hope your plan works, Harry," Lupin said to Harry. "Because it's too late for that now."
"5...4...3...2...1...LIFT OFF!"
The base of the rocket burst with flames as the large machine thrust itself up into the black sky.
About 30 seconds later, the flaming mountain looked like a red ant. The rocket continued to go further into the clouds.
A minute after the launch, the panel turned into a green square.
"NOW!!" Dumbledore shouted. They all leapt out.
Hermione whipped out her wand and shot out a bluish purple energy. They suddenly felt like time was slowing down and their fall became slower. They watched as the flames stopped and the rocket tilted itself downwards and fell down, heading straight the launch-pad.
BOOM!!! The launch-pad burst into flames. At the same time, the fire spread (well...like wildfire.) onto the railroad and headed back to the Space Asylum.
And another three towers gone with the wind.
They landed right at the base of the mountain. "We're still right at the impact area," Dumbledore realized. "We must get out of the way before..." He looked at his digital watch. "50 SECONDS!!!"
They looked around for something that could get them out fast.
Professor McGonagall got an idea. "Hold on." She took her wand out and the sand around her turned into motorcycles.
"Bloody brilliant!" Ron exclaimed. "But, Professor, when were you not so dull?"
"Well, it's simple. Everywhere you go, there will always be at least a grain of sand. Even if you place me in the Sahara Desert, I can still survive."
"I see," Professor Dumbledore. "Sirius can help us with the motorcycles, I presume?"
Sirius snickered, "It will be my pleasure."
"Everyone, all aboard."
Soon, they were all ready to get out of America. (Since no one could stand Voldemort being at the back of them, not forgetting the fact that he could not drive a motorcycle, Professor McGonagall was forced to transfigure a grain of sand into a flying cage.)
Sirius went to each motorcycle and cast a spell on them.
"It'll take a while. Now, let's get the hell outta here!"
They all started up the engines and started off. After a few seconds, the motorcycles began to fly!
"The same spell," Dumbledore explained. "He was a grand Muggle motorcycle collector. He wanted to cast the flying spell on his collection. But his mother caught him and 'de-gnomed' the motorcycles." He looked at his watch. "10 SECONDS! You better hope we're not in the impact area now, because the Space Asylum is about to meet its end...in 1..."
A/N: Hehehehehe. Another cliffhanger. Oh boy. Finally, the escape is over. Maybe I can now end this blasted signal for good. So long. Did I tell you about my new MISSILE LAUNCHER 3000? With its Auto-Destroy feature, it can blast down any aircraft that approaches at least 500 miles away from me. A measly distance. So, if any of your homes were destroyed, don't blame me. Blame my missile launcher (and the pilot of the aircraft for not having good instincts.) Merry (and advanced) Christmas.
Harry: Cool. I will never know if I'm dead or not.
Ron: Let's give the author an e-mail!
Hermione: Hey! You were not supposed to know what's an e-mail!
Ron: I check the Internet manual, unlike SOMEONE I KNOW!