Title:
Control
Author: SG1 FJM
Email: sg1fjm@yahoo.co.uk
Status: finished
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Any episode with Gabriel Ashlock in it
Summary: Shalimar's POV
Disclaimer: Any Mutant x character do not belong to me I am not making any
money from this it is only for fun.
Control
I can't explain how I feel properly, not even to myself. Something was taken from me and it is something I will never get back I have changed and I am afraid of myself of what I could do and what I could do to others. I no longer trust myself.
I don't feel in control anymore and it makes me so angry, I need to lash out at him to make him feel what I did but I can't so I take my feelings out on who ever is closest. I need to get to Ashlock but every time I get close to him something happens or someone stops me.
I want to scream, to shout. I want it to be over but most of all I want the feeling of control back. Gabriel Ashlock took that from me. He raped my mind forced me to do something I never wanted to do, never even thought of.
How do I move forward? How do I get past this? He made me betray my friends; there is no other word for it. I helped him. I fought against Brennan. Would I have killed him if I had the opportunity then? Yes I would have and that scares me. Does that mean I was not strong enough to fight against him, that I am weak. I am terrified that my friends will die and it will be because of me.
I hear Ashlock taunting me in my head it seems he is just beyond my reach all the time and I can't get to him to shut it off. It is as if there is radio static that is on non-stop, but then now and again you can hear words and they are telling me that I was meant to be with him, that we should be together. Why won't he leave me alone?
All Adam seems to want to do is cure him and what if he does he may not have the abilities anymore but he still will not have a conscience, he will still control people, he will still kill. What happens then?