Decisions
By: Olivia
"Where you use to be there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around
in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell."-Edna St. Vincent Millay
"You've taught me to pursue the truth-no matter how painful. It's too late to back off
now."-Meribor-Star Trek: The Next Generation
"Hello, Dana," said Karen Kossif, FBI counselor, who sat in her office across from Scully. "The
last time we spoke you were facing your illness. How are you doing?"
"Fine, thank you," Scully said with a strained smile. "The cancer has been in remission. And a
few months ago I found out that I'm pregnant. I wasn't supposed to be able to conceive a child."
"That's wonderful news, Dana. I'm so glad. I read in your files that you recently lost your
partner, Agent Mulder. I'm very sorry. I know how highly you thought of him. Is this what has
brought you to see me?"
"Yes," Scully said struggling to keep her tears at bay. "I'm going though a difficult time right
now. I'm not certain that I should continue in my present position. It's hard for me to imagine
continuing without Agent Mulder. And now with the baby coming...."
"Is it a problem with your new partner?" asked Kossif concerned.
"No," Scully said shaking her head. "Agent Doggett and I don't always agree, but he is a good
Agent and did all he could to help me find Agent Mulder."
"It's hard to lose someone close to us. You know this. You've dealt with losing loved ones
before."
Scully nodded her head in agreement. "Yes. But in the past I accepted that they were not
coming back. But with Agent Mulder I just keep telling myself that this can't be happening, that
he's not really gone. I just can't imagine God taking him away from me."
"We've talked about your fear before-your fear to express your vulnerability to Agent Mulder and
your fear of failing him. Do you feel you have failed him? Is this why you can't accept his
death?"
"I didn't save him. When he was first abducted, I didn't put the pieces together fast enough that
he was the one who was in danger. My fear of being abducted again let Agent Mulder persuade
me to stay behind. Agent Mulder risked his life numerous time to save mine. My mistakes
allowed him to be abducted. And then I didn't go far enough to save him."
Scully let her head drop. "The irony is, that when I finally got a break, a chance to save him, I
went too far. It seems like it I had done nothing, he would have just appeared one day, alive and
well."
Scully licked her lips trying to keep a hold of her emotions. Her cracking voice betrayed her.
"My mistakes led to Agent Mulder's death. He trusted me and I let him down."
"Your work with Agent Mulder," Karen flipped through her note pad, "in the X-Files division
has always been important to you. You've been there almost eight years now. Do you feel you
can continue in that division?"
"Agent Mulder's work was very important to him," Scully stated simply.
"But is it important enough to you? Do you feel that without Agent Mulder there is no reason to
continue?"
Scully looked up at Kossif. "The cases we work on are important. I have seen and learned so
much over the past years because of Agent Mulder. I respected his passionate search for the
truth. And now with Agent Mulder," Scully couldn't bring herself to use the word `dead', "gone
there is every reason to leave this position and go back to teaching at Quantico."
"And yet you fear in leaving the X-Files you would be failing Agent Mulder again?"
"If I left the X-Files it would be closed. There would be no one who cared to continue the work.
But the work is important. Part of me feels that it is important for me to stay on. I feel more
connected to Agent Mulder at work. I look around at our office, at seven years' worth of cases
and I realize how important they are to me as well. And I can't help feeling that somewhere in
the X-Files are the answers I seek as to why this happened to Agent Mulder. Maybe somehow I
can make sense of all of this. Maybe somehow I can prevent his from happening to someone
else. I don't want Mulder's life to have been in vain. I don't want our work, our sacrifices, to
have been all for nothing."
Kossif smiled compassionately at Scully. "Dana, it sounds like you already have made up your
mind."
Scully let her own words sink in for a few moments. Then with a quiet, renewed strength, she
said, "Yes...yes, I guess I have."
By: Olivia
"Where you use to be there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around
in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell."-Edna St. Vincent Millay
"You've taught me to pursue the truth-no matter how painful. It's too late to back off
now."-Meribor-Star Trek: The Next Generation
"Hello, Dana," said Karen Kossif, FBI counselor, who sat in her office across from Scully. "The
last time we spoke you were facing your illness. How are you doing?"
"Fine, thank you," Scully said with a strained smile. "The cancer has been in remission. And a
few months ago I found out that I'm pregnant. I wasn't supposed to be able to conceive a child."
"That's wonderful news, Dana. I'm so glad. I read in your files that you recently lost your
partner, Agent Mulder. I'm very sorry. I know how highly you thought of him. Is this what has
brought you to see me?"
"Yes," Scully said struggling to keep her tears at bay. "I'm going though a difficult time right
now. I'm not certain that I should continue in my present position. It's hard for me to imagine
continuing without Agent Mulder. And now with the baby coming...."
"Is it a problem with your new partner?" asked Kossif concerned.
"No," Scully said shaking her head. "Agent Doggett and I don't always agree, but he is a good
Agent and did all he could to help me find Agent Mulder."
"It's hard to lose someone close to us. You know this. You've dealt with losing loved ones
before."
Scully nodded her head in agreement. "Yes. But in the past I accepted that they were not
coming back. But with Agent Mulder I just keep telling myself that this can't be happening, that
he's not really gone. I just can't imagine God taking him away from me."
"We've talked about your fear before-your fear to express your vulnerability to Agent Mulder and
your fear of failing him. Do you feel you have failed him? Is this why you can't accept his
death?"
"I didn't save him. When he was first abducted, I didn't put the pieces together fast enough that
he was the one who was in danger. My fear of being abducted again let Agent Mulder persuade
me to stay behind. Agent Mulder risked his life numerous time to save mine. My mistakes
allowed him to be abducted. And then I didn't go far enough to save him."
Scully let her head drop. "The irony is, that when I finally got a break, a chance to save him, I
went too far. It seems like it I had done nothing, he would have just appeared one day, alive and
well."
Scully licked her lips trying to keep a hold of her emotions. Her cracking voice betrayed her.
"My mistakes led to Agent Mulder's death. He trusted me and I let him down."
"Your work with Agent Mulder," Karen flipped through her note pad, "in the X-Files division
has always been important to you. You've been there almost eight years now. Do you feel you
can continue in that division?"
"Agent Mulder's work was very important to him," Scully stated simply.
"But is it important enough to you? Do you feel that without Agent Mulder there is no reason to
continue?"
Scully looked up at Kossif. "The cases we work on are important. I have seen and learned so
much over the past years because of Agent Mulder. I respected his passionate search for the
truth. And now with Agent Mulder," Scully couldn't bring herself to use the word `dead', "gone
there is every reason to leave this position and go back to teaching at Quantico."
"And yet you fear in leaving the X-Files you would be failing Agent Mulder again?"
"If I left the X-Files it would be closed. There would be no one who cared to continue the work.
But the work is important. Part of me feels that it is important for me to stay on. I feel more
connected to Agent Mulder at work. I look around at our office, at seven years' worth of cases
and I realize how important they are to me as well. And I can't help feeling that somewhere in
the X-Files are the answers I seek as to why this happened to Agent Mulder. Maybe somehow I
can make sense of all of this. Maybe somehow I can prevent his from happening to someone
else. I don't want Mulder's life to have been in vain. I don't want our work, our sacrifices, to
have been all for nothing."
Kossif smiled compassionately at Scully. "Dana, it sounds like you already have made up your
mind."
Scully let her own words sink in for a few moments. Then with a quiet, renewed strength, she
said, "Yes...yes, I guess I have."