I would like to start off by saying thank you to all the people that
reviewed. So - Thanks!
Okay - This chapter deals a lot with cutting yourself to get away from your problems. I don't want to make the impression that you should go out and cut yourself every time something doesn't go your way. I've done it before and it feels good for a while but then really doesn't help. So please don't think I'm telling you it's the way to solve everything.
On with the story!
~*~*~*~*~
By dinnertime that evening everyone knew about Draco, but no one really cared. People had always guessed he hadn't had a great childhood so it was no surprise to anyone. The younger Slytherins' admiration for him grew and so did the respect from his peers. The only thing that surprised anyone was that he wasn't a Deatheater and had no intention of becoming one. They all assumed that even though he was against it he would eventually follow in his father's footsteps.
But since everyone knew about Draco they also knew about Hermione. When Harry, Ron and she sat at the Gryffindor table anyone sitting near them moved away at least five feet; she had become an outcast. Her reputation for being the smartest girl in school was smashed and soiled with new rumors that she was easy and fast; she wasn't but no one bases rumors on fact. They took the bit about Krum and ran with it as far as they could. She was now everyone's topic of conversation and ridicule.
Between lunch and dinner Ron forced her to go to their remaining two classes, reminding her that if she showed everyone that she wasn't scared they might let up a little. But he didn't understand; she was afraid. But nonetheless she had gone and taken seats near the back, not raising her hand a single time and trying to make herself as invisible as possible. No one, with the exception of Harry and Ron, was even trying to end her suffering. They would turn, look at her, laugh, and make rude comments just loud enough for her to hear.
As the three outcasts (Harry and Ron were outcasts by association) ate in silence trying to ignore the glares of their fellow students, Hermione suddenly stood up.
"I'm going back to my room. See you in the morning." She gave them each a hug. When she got to Ron she kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "Love you," before looking around the room at everyone and quietly leaving the hall.
Ron stood up to follow her but Harry put out a hand to stop him. "She needs some time right now Ron; let her go. You'll see her tomorrow." Ron knew Harry was right but he wasn't happy about it. He didn't like seeing Hermione this upset; she really didn't deserve all she was getting.
Harry was the least depressed about the dilemma out of the three. Sure he felt sorry for her, but he had sense enough to know within a few months Professor Binns would be teaching it in History or Magic. He decided to change the subject. "So who do you think will win the Quidditch World Cup this year?"
~*~*~*~*~
Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise had seen Hermione get up and leave. It only took them a glance at one another to follow her. Draco was at the opposite end of the table and saw the look on their faces when they followed the Gryffindor. A sinking feeling ha had never experienced before settled in his stomach. For a moment he thought he might be sick. The feeling grew as the large oak doors slammed behind the Slytherins. He ignored the feeling and finished eating his meal. Since he always ate in silence by himself he normally finished and returned to the Commonroom before everyone else; today was no different.
He got off the bench and left the others to eat dinner. On the way back to the dungeons he heard a muffled sort of heavy, fast breathing sound. He looked around the dark, empty hallway. In a nook behind the suit of armor he found a sobbing Hermione.
But at the same time it wasn't Hermione. She looked smaller than usual when she brought her knees to her forehead like that. Her normal confident exterior was shattered. She looked almost like she expected you to walk all over her; she wore the same scared expression that his house elves did. That was when he realized it; she wasn't only humiliated she was scared. Scared of everyone and everything, and he had done this to her.
He was shocked; he hadn't really thought it was that bad. When a boy looses his virginity early he's a hero, but when a girl does it makes her a tramp. Slowly, very slowly, he inched away from her hoping she wouldn't realize his presence; she didn't.
The sinking feeling returned while he went over the problem on the way to his Commonroom. He had been cruel to people before; loads of times, but this was the first time he had thought about how it affected people. He felt sorry for them; all those lives he had ruined just to lift himself up, and he didn't like the feeling. Had all those people ended up like this? Or just Hermione?
The Commonroom was empty when he arrived; not that he would be spending time there anyway. He walked to the sixth year boy's dormitory and cast a locking charm on the door; Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise would wait outside for a while.
He rummaged around in his trunk until he found the small pocketknife he kept wrapped in silk at the bottom. He rid himself of the heavy black robes and removed his white dress shirt. The scars were invisible at the moment and the clear, pale skin called his name. He allowed the cold blade to trail its way across his flesh before realizing what he was doing. He had drawn a small picture; a picture that was clearly Hermione crying. The droplets of blood gathered and trickled their was down his arm like tears.
He watched on for a while before a loud band on the door told him that his roommates were tired of waiting outside. With two waves of his wand the blood and cut vanished and the door unlocked. He carefully slipped the pocketknife into his robes before they came in; it would be safe there.
~*~*~*~*~
Over the next several days things hadn't gotten any better for Hermione, but they didn't get any worse either. Draco kept himself busy with Quidditch and classes and tried to avoid looking or coming in contact with Hermione as he attempted to ignore the guilty feeling that was steadily growing on his mind. However, it wasn't doing any good. In those days he drew several more unintentional blood pictures; including a portrait of Hermione's tear streaked face, a Gryffindor lion, and a snake that was getting ready to strike encircling a lion cub. He decided he would just have to try harder to ignore the problem.
~*~*~*~*~
In Defense Against the Dark Arts t hat day (which was taught by Professor Lupin who was on a much stronger potion to control him werewolf tendencies) Hermione came in with several thin cuts on her left arm.
"Hermione where were you this morning?" Ron asked without looking up from his paper. "We didn't see you." He finished writing a sentence and looked up; noticing the fresh scars at once. "What happened?!"
"Crookshanks. He mistook my arm for a scratching post." She turned and gave Draco and icy glare as she said this; he knew it was no cat that had cut her. Run shrugged and went back to his work and Hermione's eyes left Draco's to begin her own.
After class Hermione was the first to leave. Draco caught up with her and pulled her into an empty classroom before anyone noticed she was missing,
"Malfoy! What the fu-" He held up a hand and silenced her.
"Granger you and I both know your demon cat didn't do that to you." He motioned to her left arm. "What did?"
"Like I'm going to tell you Malfoy. You've already messed up my life too much." She sneered at him and made her way to the door. He swiftly pinned her shoulders to the wall as he had done several days before. He searched her eyes for anything that would tell him something, but found they had become like his own; emotionless.
"Just tell me one thing; did you do that to yourself?" Her expression didn't change at tall when he asked her this and she didn't blink. He released her shoulders.
"Let's just say you're not the only one who keeps a knife in their trunk." She turned on her heel and left him staring after her in shock.
~*~*~*~*~
Hermione retreated back to Gryffindor Tower. There was no one in the girls dorm, as usual. They all tried to avoid her when they could, as being seen with her was bad for their reputations. She lay flat on her bed and went over the events that had occurred before class.
~*Flashback*~
She got ready for class and left early to try to be first. Waiting outside the commonroom were several seventh years she didn't recognize.
"Hey Babe." One of them said and stood to attention. "How bout coming over to Ravenclaw after class. I know I'll make it worth your while." He moved forward and ran a hand down her arm. She shrugged him off and continued on her way to class.
"What's the problem? Am I not good enough for you?" He called after her. "I guarantee you I'm better than Krum any day." She turned and ran back into the commonroom. Why were people so mean? She decided to go back to her bedroom. The other girls immediately left when she arrived. She sat on the end of her bed, contemplating why all of this was happening to her.
'Malfoy.' She thought. 'Malfoy is why all of this is happening. How does he always manage to come out on top? It must be because people are afraid of what he might do to them if they say anything. What would he do if he were me?' Then she remembered his knife. 'That's what he'd do; cut himself. I wonder if that really helps at all.'
She dropped to her knees and looked through her trunk until she found a small box. Opening it, she removed the small dagger she used for cutting her potions ingredients. With a shaking hand she brought the sharp metal to the soft skin on the underside of her left arm. Very warily she drew the blade from her elbow to her wrist. At first she cringed at the contact, but soon discovered it didn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would.
After the first few cuts it didn't hurt at all and she felt a lot better than she did before. 'I can see why Malfoy does this; good stress relief.' She though as the bell sounded signaling first class would begin in five minutes. 'Oh shit. Gotta go. Can't be late.' She washed the blood off her arm with a damp rag and grabbed her bag, making it to class just in time.
~*End of Flashback*~
She took the knife again and began to run it nonchalantly over her upper left arm. The thick crimson blood flowed in a river and dripped off her fingertips onto her bed spread. 'Maybe there's a reason crimson is a Gryffindor color.' She thought and ran her non-bloody hand over where the blood had fallen. She could feel the dampness but the droplets camouflaged perfectly on the comforter.
She wasn't as experienced as Draco in this and didn't know the spell to make her cuts disappear. She rubbed a bit of blood on Crookshanks' paws to make it look like he really had been the one to cut her, and went to wash off the remaining blood in the bathroom. Ron and harry were out in the Commonroom playing chess. She wrapped her arms around Ron's neck and buried her face in his bright red hair.
"Hey Hermione." She said and turned to face her. "Doing any better today?" he was worried about her; she hadn't been herself today.
"Tons better actually. I mean everyone's still being evil to me but I guess I'm getting used to it." She reached out to take his hand and he grabbed her arm; noticing the fresh cuts.
"What happened this time?" he ran a finger down one cut and she cringed before taking back her arm.
"Crookshanks again." She said in a voice that sounded even to her like she was lying. "I don't know what's gotten into him lately."
"I always said that cat was bad news." Ron took her hand. "Come on, let's go get something to eat."
~*~*~*~*~
Draco was almost finished eating when the dreamteam arrived. He immediately noticed the new marks on Hermione and mentally kicked himself. He knew she'd done it because of their encounter that afternoon. He watched her eat and say goodbye to her friends. Soon after she left he also said his good- byes and removed himself from the Slytherin table so Hermione and he could have another little talk. It's didn't take him long to catch up to her and force her, once again, inside a classroom. She protested a bit and gave him a hard kick in the shin with her boot, but overall he was at least twice as strong as she was and overpowered her easily. Once inside he cast a locking charm on the door to prevent her from leaving.
"What do you want Malfoy?" She sat on one of the many student desks and laced her fingers together.
"To know why you did that to yourself." He moved his hand towards her left arm and she scooted back farther on the desk; anything to keep out of reach.
"It's none of your business Malfoy. I'm just a filthy Mudblood anyway; nothing I could possibly do could affect a Pureblood like you, remember?" she glared past his eyes, into his soul and he suddenly felt very violated like there was nothing he could keep from her. He regained his tongue easily enough.
"You're wrong Granger. It does affect me and it is my fucking business when I'm the one that did this to you in the first place." He moved towards her again and once again she moved away.
"Like you're one to talk. I got the entire idea from you. Raeppaius." She pointed her wand at him arms and his own scars surfaced. She gasped at the site. "Malfoy, why am I on your arm?" She had seen the pictures.
"That much show you how bad I feel about all of this. I know I was the one that gave you the idea and if I could take it back I could but it's just not possible. Look Hermio-Granger, I'm," he had never don't this before and he found it to be a lot harder than people made it look. "I'm s-s-s-sorry. I'm sorry."
She looked from his eyes to his arm and back again. Nothing she was seeing or hearing was making sense. Slowly she got up and shook her head. She said the unlocking charm and walked past Draco; out the door.
~*~*~*~*~
That's it for this chapter. I know it's shorter than usual but it only had one point that it had to cover so I had to do a lot of elaborating. Thanks for reading anyway. I know it's not as good as the other two.
REVIEW!
Okay - This chapter deals a lot with cutting yourself to get away from your problems. I don't want to make the impression that you should go out and cut yourself every time something doesn't go your way. I've done it before and it feels good for a while but then really doesn't help. So please don't think I'm telling you it's the way to solve everything.
On with the story!
~*~*~*~*~
By dinnertime that evening everyone knew about Draco, but no one really cared. People had always guessed he hadn't had a great childhood so it was no surprise to anyone. The younger Slytherins' admiration for him grew and so did the respect from his peers. The only thing that surprised anyone was that he wasn't a Deatheater and had no intention of becoming one. They all assumed that even though he was against it he would eventually follow in his father's footsteps.
But since everyone knew about Draco they also knew about Hermione. When Harry, Ron and she sat at the Gryffindor table anyone sitting near them moved away at least five feet; she had become an outcast. Her reputation for being the smartest girl in school was smashed and soiled with new rumors that she was easy and fast; she wasn't but no one bases rumors on fact. They took the bit about Krum and ran with it as far as they could. She was now everyone's topic of conversation and ridicule.
Between lunch and dinner Ron forced her to go to their remaining two classes, reminding her that if she showed everyone that she wasn't scared they might let up a little. But he didn't understand; she was afraid. But nonetheless she had gone and taken seats near the back, not raising her hand a single time and trying to make herself as invisible as possible. No one, with the exception of Harry and Ron, was even trying to end her suffering. They would turn, look at her, laugh, and make rude comments just loud enough for her to hear.
As the three outcasts (Harry and Ron were outcasts by association) ate in silence trying to ignore the glares of their fellow students, Hermione suddenly stood up.
"I'm going back to my room. See you in the morning." She gave them each a hug. When she got to Ron she kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "Love you," before looking around the room at everyone and quietly leaving the hall.
Ron stood up to follow her but Harry put out a hand to stop him. "She needs some time right now Ron; let her go. You'll see her tomorrow." Ron knew Harry was right but he wasn't happy about it. He didn't like seeing Hermione this upset; she really didn't deserve all she was getting.
Harry was the least depressed about the dilemma out of the three. Sure he felt sorry for her, but he had sense enough to know within a few months Professor Binns would be teaching it in History or Magic. He decided to change the subject. "So who do you think will win the Quidditch World Cup this year?"
~*~*~*~*~
Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise had seen Hermione get up and leave. It only took them a glance at one another to follow her. Draco was at the opposite end of the table and saw the look on their faces when they followed the Gryffindor. A sinking feeling ha had never experienced before settled in his stomach. For a moment he thought he might be sick. The feeling grew as the large oak doors slammed behind the Slytherins. He ignored the feeling and finished eating his meal. Since he always ate in silence by himself he normally finished and returned to the Commonroom before everyone else; today was no different.
He got off the bench and left the others to eat dinner. On the way back to the dungeons he heard a muffled sort of heavy, fast breathing sound. He looked around the dark, empty hallway. In a nook behind the suit of armor he found a sobbing Hermione.
But at the same time it wasn't Hermione. She looked smaller than usual when she brought her knees to her forehead like that. Her normal confident exterior was shattered. She looked almost like she expected you to walk all over her; she wore the same scared expression that his house elves did. That was when he realized it; she wasn't only humiliated she was scared. Scared of everyone and everything, and he had done this to her.
He was shocked; he hadn't really thought it was that bad. When a boy looses his virginity early he's a hero, but when a girl does it makes her a tramp. Slowly, very slowly, he inched away from her hoping she wouldn't realize his presence; she didn't.
The sinking feeling returned while he went over the problem on the way to his Commonroom. He had been cruel to people before; loads of times, but this was the first time he had thought about how it affected people. He felt sorry for them; all those lives he had ruined just to lift himself up, and he didn't like the feeling. Had all those people ended up like this? Or just Hermione?
The Commonroom was empty when he arrived; not that he would be spending time there anyway. He walked to the sixth year boy's dormitory and cast a locking charm on the door; Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise would wait outside for a while.
He rummaged around in his trunk until he found the small pocketknife he kept wrapped in silk at the bottom. He rid himself of the heavy black robes and removed his white dress shirt. The scars were invisible at the moment and the clear, pale skin called his name. He allowed the cold blade to trail its way across his flesh before realizing what he was doing. He had drawn a small picture; a picture that was clearly Hermione crying. The droplets of blood gathered and trickled their was down his arm like tears.
He watched on for a while before a loud band on the door told him that his roommates were tired of waiting outside. With two waves of his wand the blood and cut vanished and the door unlocked. He carefully slipped the pocketknife into his robes before they came in; it would be safe there.
~*~*~*~*~
Over the next several days things hadn't gotten any better for Hermione, but they didn't get any worse either. Draco kept himself busy with Quidditch and classes and tried to avoid looking or coming in contact with Hermione as he attempted to ignore the guilty feeling that was steadily growing on his mind. However, it wasn't doing any good. In those days he drew several more unintentional blood pictures; including a portrait of Hermione's tear streaked face, a Gryffindor lion, and a snake that was getting ready to strike encircling a lion cub. He decided he would just have to try harder to ignore the problem.
~*~*~*~*~
In Defense Against the Dark Arts t hat day (which was taught by Professor Lupin who was on a much stronger potion to control him werewolf tendencies) Hermione came in with several thin cuts on her left arm.
"Hermione where were you this morning?" Ron asked without looking up from his paper. "We didn't see you." He finished writing a sentence and looked up; noticing the fresh scars at once. "What happened?!"
"Crookshanks. He mistook my arm for a scratching post." She turned and gave Draco and icy glare as she said this; he knew it was no cat that had cut her. Run shrugged and went back to his work and Hermione's eyes left Draco's to begin her own.
After class Hermione was the first to leave. Draco caught up with her and pulled her into an empty classroom before anyone noticed she was missing,
"Malfoy! What the fu-" He held up a hand and silenced her.
"Granger you and I both know your demon cat didn't do that to you." He motioned to her left arm. "What did?"
"Like I'm going to tell you Malfoy. You've already messed up my life too much." She sneered at him and made her way to the door. He swiftly pinned her shoulders to the wall as he had done several days before. He searched her eyes for anything that would tell him something, but found they had become like his own; emotionless.
"Just tell me one thing; did you do that to yourself?" Her expression didn't change at tall when he asked her this and she didn't blink. He released her shoulders.
"Let's just say you're not the only one who keeps a knife in their trunk." She turned on her heel and left him staring after her in shock.
~*~*~*~*~
Hermione retreated back to Gryffindor Tower. There was no one in the girls dorm, as usual. They all tried to avoid her when they could, as being seen with her was bad for their reputations. She lay flat on her bed and went over the events that had occurred before class.
~*Flashback*~
She got ready for class and left early to try to be first. Waiting outside the commonroom were several seventh years she didn't recognize.
"Hey Babe." One of them said and stood to attention. "How bout coming over to Ravenclaw after class. I know I'll make it worth your while." He moved forward and ran a hand down her arm. She shrugged him off and continued on her way to class.
"What's the problem? Am I not good enough for you?" He called after her. "I guarantee you I'm better than Krum any day." She turned and ran back into the commonroom. Why were people so mean? She decided to go back to her bedroom. The other girls immediately left when she arrived. She sat on the end of her bed, contemplating why all of this was happening to her.
'Malfoy.' She thought. 'Malfoy is why all of this is happening. How does he always manage to come out on top? It must be because people are afraid of what he might do to them if they say anything. What would he do if he were me?' Then she remembered his knife. 'That's what he'd do; cut himself. I wonder if that really helps at all.'
She dropped to her knees and looked through her trunk until she found a small box. Opening it, she removed the small dagger she used for cutting her potions ingredients. With a shaking hand she brought the sharp metal to the soft skin on the underside of her left arm. Very warily she drew the blade from her elbow to her wrist. At first she cringed at the contact, but soon discovered it didn't hurt nearly as much as she thought it would.
After the first few cuts it didn't hurt at all and she felt a lot better than she did before. 'I can see why Malfoy does this; good stress relief.' She though as the bell sounded signaling first class would begin in five minutes. 'Oh shit. Gotta go. Can't be late.' She washed the blood off her arm with a damp rag and grabbed her bag, making it to class just in time.
~*End of Flashback*~
She took the knife again and began to run it nonchalantly over her upper left arm. The thick crimson blood flowed in a river and dripped off her fingertips onto her bed spread. 'Maybe there's a reason crimson is a Gryffindor color.' She thought and ran her non-bloody hand over where the blood had fallen. She could feel the dampness but the droplets camouflaged perfectly on the comforter.
She wasn't as experienced as Draco in this and didn't know the spell to make her cuts disappear. She rubbed a bit of blood on Crookshanks' paws to make it look like he really had been the one to cut her, and went to wash off the remaining blood in the bathroom. Ron and harry were out in the Commonroom playing chess. She wrapped her arms around Ron's neck and buried her face in his bright red hair.
"Hey Hermione." She said and turned to face her. "Doing any better today?" he was worried about her; she hadn't been herself today.
"Tons better actually. I mean everyone's still being evil to me but I guess I'm getting used to it." She reached out to take his hand and he grabbed her arm; noticing the fresh cuts.
"What happened this time?" he ran a finger down one cut and she cringed before taking back her arm.
"Crookshanks again." She said in a voice that sounded even to her like she was lying. "I don't know what's gotten into him lately."
"I always said that cat was bad news." Ron took her hand. "Come on, let's go get something to eat."
~*~*~*~*~
Draco was almost finished eating when the dreamteam arrived. He immediately noticed the new marks on Hermione and mentally kicked himself. He knew she'd done it because of their encounter that afternoon. He watched her eat and say goodbye to her friends. Soon after she left he also said his good- byes and removed himself from the Slytherin table so Hermione and he could have another little talk. It's didn't take him long to catch up to her and force her, once again, inside a classroom. She protested a bit and gave him a hard kick in the shin with her boot, but overall he was at least twice as strong as she was and overpowered her easily. Once inside he cast a locking charm on the door to prevent her from leaving.
"What do you want Malfoy?" She sat on one of the many student desks and laced her fingers together.
"To know why you did that to yourself." He moved his hand towards her left arm and she scooted back farther on the desk; anything to keep out of reach.
"It's none of your business Malfoy. I'm just a filthy Mudblood anyway; nothing I could possibly do could affect a Pureblood like you, remember?" she glared past his eyes, into his soul and he suddenly felt very violated like there was nothing he could keep from her. He regained his tongue easily enough.
"You're wrong Granger. It does affect me and it is my fucking business when I'm the one that did this to you in the first place." He moved towards her again and once again she moved away.
"Like you're one to talk. I got the entire idea from you. Raeppaius." She pointed her wand at him arms and his own scars surfaced. She gasped at the site. "Malfoy, why am I on your arm?" She had seen the pictures.
"That much show you how bad I feel about all of this. I know I was the one that gave you the idea and if I could take it back I could but it's just not possible. Look Hermio-Granger, I'm," he had never don't this before and he found it to be a lot harder than people made it look. "I'm s-s-s-sorry. I'm sorry."
She looked from his eyes to his arm and back again. Nothing she was seeing or hearing was making sense. Slowly she got up and shook her head. She said the unlocking charm and walked past Draco; out the door.
~*~*~*~*~
That's it for this chapter. I know it's shorter than usual but it only had one point that it had to cover so I had to do a lot of elaborating. Thanks for reading anyway. I know it's not as good as the other two.
REVIEW!